imperativeasshole-blog

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Annoyance. Anger. Sadness and Happiness 

These are some of the many emotions that I encounter in my day to day life. According to Hasson there are different kinds of emotions which are;

Affection

Anxiety

Awe

Boredom

Excitement

Misery

Panic

Regret

Sadness

Guilt

Hate

Anger 

Annoyance

Human as we are, we tend to experience all of these without even us noticing, but what matters most is how we deal and how we become aware of how these feelings come through us like flashing waves. As for me, to help me manage my emotions these are the ways how; keep you motions in check, take a moment to consider your situation and use your experience as a motivation and as a purpose. 

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My Happy Calendar 

In line with managing and handling mental health including emotional intelligence, above is the organized calendar of the things that guides me with routines that can help me in improving the domains of emotional intelligence which are: Self-awareness, Self-management, Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills. 

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My Kind of Love

“You deserved someone who stays no matter how passionately you display your love and how fearlessly you show your emotions.” 

The people shown are the ones who I can attest that proves the quote from above. 

My kind of love is the love that is selfless. The love that does not ask something in return.

My kind of love is the “you can’t go to bed unless I’ll be able to make you feel better kind of love.

My kind of love is the “you can cry and i can listen until you fall asleep in my arms kind of love” 

My kind of love is the “text me, when you arrived home safely kind of love.”

My kind of love is the “ I don’t want this, but since you want it, I’ll try to love it too.” 

My kind of love is the “ I’ll free my time for you because I know you need me kind of love.”

My kind of love is the “I thought of you, so I prayed for you kind of love.” 

My kind of love is the “I’m always tired but never of you kind of love.”

My kind of love is the “I’m so lucky to have met you kind of love.”

My kind of love is the Philia and Storge kind of love. 

There’s too much words of how I want my kind of love to be. Regardless of how I wanted it to be, I’m not expecting much of how they are able to reciprocate my selflessness towards them; but one thing’s for sure, I’ll be there for these people despite their absence and their imperfections. I think it is the most beautiful thing to have, to be able to love someone with everything you have and know that the weight of it all doesn’t drag them down.

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Lead and Follow

This five minute video sums up all of the things and principles I am slowly learning. 

You are a magnet. You are what you attract

Imagination is more important than knowledge, knowledge is limited while imagination encircles the world.

If you see it in your mind then you can hold it in your hand.

Whatever you are, that’s what you draw to. 

This is the law of attraction and you have it.

There are many ways on how we get things in life basically it all begins with how we choose to think.

To bring anything into your life, imagine that it’s already there.

In connection with emotional intelligence according to Salovey and Mayer, this video essentially shows how stress and unwanted emotions could be of good purpose for us. It helps us with; 

Appraisal and Expression of Emotions 

Management of Emotion

Using of emotion to serve a purpose *Thinking *Planning *Attention *Motivation

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This works for me! 

Beach. Adventures. Food.  Singing. Playing around. Being carefree and Watching sunsets. 

 Those are just the few things that helps me in depicting personal stress. It does not only help soothe how I feel but it also helps me exercise and increase my emotional intelligence, being able to have a me-time to think of the things I’ve been through and how I got through it, is a clear manifestation of how the different hobbies I’m fond of helps me in dealing with the huge waves of sadness and anxiety that is about to cover me up. 

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A classmate and a friend of whom I consider as one of the people who helps me through series of downfall and victory.

From: Kathleen Pabillaran To: Kesiya Osio

Dearest Osio, I’ve seen you at your worst yet you stood still with both feet ready to stand up for yourself. We, your classmates all know that you’ve been through a lot of hardships. Continue on being a brave woman we always knew, keep your head up always! You are so kind that sometimes you forget to take care of yourself. I always tell you to love yourself first because prople might abuse your kindess and won’t give you something in return if the time comes that you need them. Whenever I have problems you always say that you got me and that is something that you never forget, since the first day I knew you, you never forget to back me ip in my problems. This time I want to be the one to help you, I got you Kesiya Ruth! Always remember that everything will be okay no matter what comes in your way, always remember that you reached this far for you to give up. No matter what your choices are always remember that I will support you and will always accept you. Never forget that I will always be by your side.

I got you always!

Love, Kathleen 💋

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A morale booster from a close friend that has been through sunshine and hell with you.

From: Nina Quijano To: Kesiya Osio

Dear You, Among all the other things that you are— weak will never be one of them. The things other people say will never tell you who you are. If anything — it’s only going to tell you who they are. I hope that on the bad days, and you find yourself not looking forward to anything at all, remember this.

Tj: i got you, you got me. Harold: Kes salamat sa tanan tanan tabang nimo unta dili ka mag bag-o.

These are only a fraction of the people who care about you. And on days you feel like you don’t have anything you want to wake up for — I hope you remember all the coffecups left to be emptied, all the poems yet to be written, all the rainy days left to be appreciated, all the words yet to be spoken and all the feelings left to be felt. There is so much more to life than what we are now. That is what you need to live for. The uncertainty of the pursuit of leading a good life. Better days are coming.

Always, Nina 💖

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Because sometimes all we need is to tap ourselves and be our own hero.

To: Kesiya From: Kesiya 2.0

Dear You,

I know you have a lot to say when it comes to hardships and sacrifices. I know that you are tired of hearing people say that everything will be okay, but here’s my say to you “ I know that you want someone who understands and who does not judge you for what you’ve done. I’m not gonna say that everything will be okay but rather I want to say that you can always lean on me when things get rough.” I want you to know that my heart also aches and empathizes with your pain. I want to tell you that I am hearing what you aren’t telling us. You are a piece of gem to be taken care of rather that being stepped down and degraded. Always remember that even in your greatest downfall you will always be a champion at heart. Continue striving and don’t even dare to give up because I’m always here ready to be your comfort even on the darkest hour 🌚

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Other's Expectations Towards Me Having someone expecting from you is both a burden and a privilege. It has been in my nature to involve my myself with leadership related activities but with that personality I possess it has been hard for me coping with the expectation of other people towards me. "Act lady-like" it really is a very offending expectation I have, just because I'm a woman all my actions shall be validated by others especially boys. Being part of a squad wherein you're the only girl is really tiring because you are expected to act accordingly with the standards they have. I just can't understand how I'm only allowed to follow what they have to say against me and not to act against their harsh critics and when I say harsh it is sometimes 'below the belt' kind of being harsh. "Always be a good role model" everytime I commit mistake and often times I do what I wanted to, there is someone always telling me that I do not deserve having a spot in being a facilitator, EC Officer and a Mayor just because I have overdone anything or they think that it isn't rightful to do acts which would be okay if they're the one who does it but if it's me then it is called a mistake. Sometimes I can feel that the world is against me because all they do is give out destructive criticisms rather than constructive ones. "Graduate on time and be a good Lawyer" being part of a family in which your oldest brother have dissapointed your parents by going out of school is indeed a pressure especially they have high expectations that I would not be like my brother. I know that they only wanted whats best for me, but sometimes— not often enough I can feel all the weight of their expectations because I also had a brother who is a valedictorian and is an achiever. Being compared with people most especially with your brother is also a very painful kind of expectation I ever had, I don't get the concept of comparing a person with others so that it would be their sort of motivation. I do know what I can do and what I am not capable of, so people sometimes need not to shove of their expectations in my face. "Brush it off and ignore it, it's just a small piece of problem." HOW CAN SOMEONE EVEN SAY THAT WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW A SINGLE PIECE OF PROBLEM KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT AND MAKES ME DO THINGS THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO. Yes, I do know that. I'm an overthinker and I often times make problems out of my own thoughts but it does not give you the right to measure and tell me the weight and value of my problem, please don't always expect me to put up a brave front. Having a soft heart in this cruel world have made me realize that not everyone is meant to understand you (even those people who you think can empathize with how you feel) and how you feel so it is much better if you don't expect someone to be as good as what you think they are. That goes the same way for me, I should not be a prisoner of everybody's expectation Regardless of experiencing those I still had the courage to get up every morning, act like I never cried the last night and walk away with a smiling face. What choice do I have, right?

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In line with the succes I obtained there were people who were behind it.

Caution: this is going to be a one hell of emotional entry.

With the presence of these people, it made me realize that without these people I would have possibly falter under my failure. Looking back, my heart aches now a little more for some of these people have already made their way out of my life but despite that they also served as lesson for me to continue despite of their absence. On the brighter side I still have most of those people in the collage beside me ready to fulfill their promise of ‘i’ll always be here for you’.

To my family, I don’t know how to put in to words my gratitude for not leaving me when all the people I trusted are closing all their doors yet all of you still chose to stand by me and be my confidante. Especially my mom who know almost every little detail of my life, I know I can always count on you. Thank you for being a cool mom. 💖

To ninosharkes (I know we often times laugh of our group name because it’s silly how we came up with that), know that without all of you my journey would be dull and boring. Thank you for hearing out and being there even in the slightest hour of my pain. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not a burden and I do deserve a spot in your lives. Remember that I always got all three of you too 💋

To my boy bestfriends (vang, ed, tj, kens, earl and especially janiel) thank you for hearing me out and being there at times when I don’t have the courage to stand up for myself and when I don’t even know how to love myself. Thank you for being present at times when I have to run errands and especially when I don’t have anyone to run to. Thank you for answering my 2AM calls, crying and breaking down my vulnerable self. Always know that you deserved a soft spot in my heart, always.

Gor, to the person also who always has a soft spot in my heart. Thank you for all the memories; both happy and sad moments we spent together. Thank you for being my confidante and for going out of your way just to be there for me. Both of us had our share of mistakes and I hope we both learned from it. Maybe we’re just meant to happen but not meant to be. Regardless of what had happened to us I hope you’re still the person I knew when we’re still together. Also remember that I’m always here to hear out your thoughts and please don’t always keep it bottled up in you for I know that you are not fond of sharing your thoughts thus stressing you out. Our memories are ours forever. Those streets, those smells, those tangible moments, they are in my mind and in my heart, always. I hope you finally find someone who makes you happy and someone who does not make you choose between things. You will always be my unfinished business, thank you and I’m sorry 😊

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Moving Up Ceremony Smiling faces, newly printed diplomas, feeling of contenment, proud parents, teachers who can't contain their excitement and a happy environment. Those words are not enough to suffice how I felt during the moving up ceremony. The kind of feeling which I yearned to feel a long time ago has finally arived. During that day I can say that the four years of Junior High School was a roller coaster ride for it consists of difficult decisions, painful sacrifices and all-nighters which in the end was worth it. The moving up ceremony has proved me that I can achieve my dreams simply by not giving up despite of the disappointments and barriers that blocks you from it. I think, in my whole life this is the most fulfilling achievement I experienced for in this moment I had the chance to experience the genuine happiness (even if it's only for a temporary moment) with the people I loved the most before they were taken away from me ☺️

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My Mandala

I am a person of whom others consider as less creative since I dont have the capacity to create art out of vague things. But I do believe that, I — myself is a piece of art. A creative mind but uncooperative hands. A wrong mixture and combination which is sadly what I possess. But despite of that inability, I still had my way of coping it. Through this Mandala I was able to exhibit who I really am by expressing my creative mind luckily by coloring it instead of drawing it.

My Mandala tells much of how I see myself. Based on the Mandala, it is a simple yet artistic one. It shows the unity, serenity, beauty and art of the colors regardless of its diversity. It is a clear manifestation of how I want my life to be. Regardless of the variety of problems I have, I think I still want to see the art and the beauty I have in me through the little moments I experience.

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The different pictures above illustrate the different versions of myself.

And yes, I do concede that I have different versions of myself. Each one a different shade of happy or sad or in between. I am almost always engrossed by my thoughts; And if you must know one thing about me is that: I don’t settle. Not even for small talk. I think it’s a waste of time and energy. If you’re going to talk to me might as well pour your mind into the conversation – there is only so much things to be discussed yet so little time. Some people say being soft is a sign of weakness, I believe otherwise. The ability to stay soft in this world is a sign that all the hate in the world cannot penetrate the level of peace of mind I embody. I am not ashamed of putting others needs before mine, even if some may say its’ ‘selfless’ Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters aside from yourself is the happiness and contentment you pass on.