in-the-moonlight-and-starlight

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

Mistaking your gay bestie for a guy you’re cheating with

Angst/fluff

Black Reader

Part 1 - Bangchan and Lee Know

Bangchan

Lee Know

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

Dear Diary,

So, this is more of a vent/rant entry. So I decided to start a business. I have a lot of kpop merchandise, anime figures, and books. I wanted to get rid of them since I haven’t open one figure or used my albums or anything. And I wanted to turn it into a business. I asked my friend because I helped make her business plan and expense sheets and everything. I help her with her stuff even if she put it off. I even started her business plan. She didn’t have to do any of that. But when I asked her if she could help me network, it’s “oh I don’t know how to do that.” I didn’t know how to do anything I did for her. I’m an English major working with kids! I had to learn. I was even offering to pay her. I didn’t even get paid. I’m such a pushover. I need to stop being nice and helpful.

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

you want to tell them what’s wrong, but isn’t that just too much? you don’t want to seem needy. you don’t want to ask for too much. the thing is, you’ve learned how to read the spaces between words—how someone’s tone flattens, the shift in the way they look at you. you can feel the weight of a text that doesn’t come. you’ve lived this before.

don’t panic, don’t panic. you want to write: hey, are we okay? but doesn’t that just prove that you’re too much? you’re too clingy, too desperate. shouldn’t love feel steady? effortless? isn’t this exactly what ruins it every time?

but then: if it’s real, shouldn’t you be able to ask? shouldn’t they want to reassure you? wouldn’t someone who loves you want to say it’s okay, i’m here?

and yet, the little things pile up. they don’t laugh as much as they used to. their texts feel colder, shorter, more obligatory than excited. they stop bringing you into their world the way they used to. it’s just a little distance, you tell yourself. it’s fine. it’s fine. it’s fine.

except it’s not. you know the exact moment people start pulling away. it’s like your body keeps score, wired to anticipate abandonment. your stomach twists, your chest tightens, and suddenly you’re scrambling again. begging to be noticed, chosen, kept.

what a fucking joke. you’ve always prided yourself on being independent, on not needing anyone to fill your empty spaces, but here you are—panicked, waiting by your phone, second-guessing every word you’ve said. you’ve learned how to live alone, but god, you just want to be someone’s. you want someone to look at you and stay.

but here you are again, barking for scraps of love like a dog left out in the rain. like they’re the only shelter you’ve ever known. you wish you could be enough, just once. you wish you could be someone worth holding on to.

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

god sends his most craziest, narcissistic emotionally unavailable manwhores to attachment issues, inferiority complex suicidal girls.

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

It's 3am and you randomly confess

Maknae line

You've suffered from depression and other things. So, getting a random confession at 3 am scares the boys!

genre: Angst, fluff

Black reader

TW: Implied self deletion, Depression

Jisung

He bit his nails. He was worried. You texted him at 3:30 am, but he didn’t wake up until 7. He was beating himself up. He worked himself up so much before he got up and decided to drive to your place. You were lazily watching a movie avoiding texting Jisung back when a disheveled Ji came into your house. “Y/N..”

Felix

He had spent the night at your place since you both had a gaming session last night. He was in the next room when you were texting him. “Baby, you could’ve told me how you felt in person.” He opened your door a bit more to see you trying to hide. “Ah ah babygirl let’s talk.” He licked his lips before coming to you.

Seungmin

Seungmin could always feel when something was off with you. And tonight, it was no different. You were off all day, so he wanted to check on you only for you to text him. He couldn’t rush over. So he did the next best thing, he called you. “Are you an idiot? I love you too, but I’m worried about you doing this at 3 in the fucking morning. So let’s talk this out, yea?” He hummed.

Jeongin

He was about to run to your place since he slept until 8. But you were at his door about to knock. “G-good morning.” You said shyly. “Thank god you’re ok!” He pulled you into a tight hug. He was scared out of his mind and he needed to calm down. The feeling of your warmth helped with that.

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

Entry #2

Dear Diary,

I’m having a better day than yesterday. I’m having a movie night with my family and friends. My thoughts have calmed down after getting them out. I still feel like a burden to my friends. Whenever ever I want to talk, it gets glossed over. But I’m there when they want to vent and rant. I’m feeling better but this opened my eyes. I was at the lowest I’ve ever been in years. I needed someone and it just seemed normal to her I guess. Have a great day!

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

It's 3am and you randomly confess

Hyung Line

You've suffered from depression and other things. So, getting a random confession at 3 am scares the boys!

genre: Angst, fluff

black reader

TW: Implied self deletion, Depression

Bangchan

Bangchan arrived at your place as fast as he could. His heart was gripped with fear. It was dark and not a sound was made. He rushed towards your bedroom swinging the door open. The noise startling you out of the sleep you've cried yourself into. Your eyes met bangchan's blown out and worried ones. "Fuck, I was scared. I-" He didn't even want to finish that thought as he pulled you tight against his chest. He wasn't going to leave you alone tonight or ever. He would make sure you were getting the help that you needed.

Minho

Minho wanted to be calm, but his shaky hands gave him away. He quickly unlocked your apartment door. Thank god you gave him keys because he's your best friend. As soon as he wanted in, he heard a thud. Rushing to your bathroom, he burst through the door. You were wrapped in a towel getting out of the shower and had knocked over your hair oil. You and Minho stared at each other for a moment. "Well I'm glad you're ok, but we might have a different problem." He chuckled.

Changbin

Binnie knew of your depression, but he didn't think you were struggling with it right now. He believed that you were nervous about the confession and put your phone down. So when he got there, he was greeted by some sad trumacore music. He quickly turned it off and made his way to a crying you sitting at the table. He quietly but protectively wrapped his arms around you and just let you cry until you fell asleep.

Hyunjin

Hyunjin was reading your messages in realtime as he made his way to your apartment. He wasn't going to waste time replying. Time was precious, so he ran. He made it to your play when you said you loved him. Your head whipped towards the door and locked eyes with an out of breath Hyunjin. "Yah, (y/n) what's going on in your head?" He asked worriedly as he made his way to the couch. "I know you weren't going to confess then leave me right?" He asked. You two had a long talk ahead of you.

[in-the-moonlight-and-starlight]

Dear Diary Entry 1

TW: Depression, self deletion thoughts

I was told to get my thoughts out and it would help with my depressive episodes. This one was a bit more serve today. I wanted to finally let go, but I'm scared to let go. It's like my brain is actively trying to let go while my body holds on. So, my stupid brain wanted me to go and ask my best friend to do it. But I want that's cruel in so many ways. On another note, I saw Stray Kids live and thought I should make a reaction out of it. But, that's also cruel to me. Yes I want comfort from my safe space, but I'm on the edge already. I mean I wanted to let go after the concert, honestly. I really hate myself for that. So, I really hope this helps. This is a last resort on top of talking about things.

p.s. I might make something if my thoughts ever clears up.