inaihito

[inaihito]

hi pleaseee pleasepleaseplsplspls fall in love with me pleaseeee just a little bit i begging you please

[inaihito]

𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

[inaihito]

i think everything must hurt but i can’t feel it anymore and thats terrifying

[inaihito]

i keep letting my friend sleep with me just because i know he wants to.

i don’t but i don’t know how to say no.

[inaihito]

i’ve been away for a while… i’ve been trying to recover. and it’s so fucking hard.

i didn’t expect it to be this hard…i can’t stop the thoughts and when i manage to ignore them i’m petrified of gaining weight…i don’t know what to do anymore

[inaihito]

It’s gross, but some sick part of me enjoys the fact that my mental health is so messed up. Some sick part of me that’s like yes, I hope this gets worse, it’s not that bad, I hope this gets worse, I deserve to get worse.

I deserve to get worse.

[inaihito]

does anyone else feel sceptical about burning off calories?

I’ve been working out a lot because i’ve had to go out and have dinner with friends/family a few times this week but i’m always worried that i haven’t actually burned off as much as i think i have

idk what to do

[inaihito]

[inaihito]

bro my nails have started going fuckin blue whenever i spend a while sitting still 🤡

[inaihito]

will you still lose weight by restricting to 1000kcal a day?

i’ve been low-mid restricting for ages, i’m scared i’ll just gain weight again

[inaihito]

yeah

fucking hate myself 

[inaihito]

literally the worst

i’m fucking plateauing and idk what to do 😭

[inaihito]

i’m fucking plateauing and idk what to do 😭

[inaihito]

Booklist for all the Dark Academics:

[Dark Academia book recs of all the different kinds I could think of. It's a long journey. Buckle up.]

The Classic Dark Academic :

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Anything by the Brontë sisters

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (this book birthed Dark Academia)

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

The Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Short stories by Edgar Allan Poe

Bram Stokers Dracula

Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu

Maurice by EM Forster

Madam Bovary by Gustav Flaubert

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

A Good Man is Hard to Find

To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

Macbeth by Shakespeare

Othello by Shakespeare

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

The Poetry-lover Academic:

Poetry of Baudelaire

Odes of Keats (ALL OF THEM ARE A MUST READ)

Poetry of Edgar Allan Poe (especially The Raven)

Shelley's Alastor, Prometheus Unbound, Masque of Anarchy

Kubla Khan by Coleridge

T.S Elliott's Wasteland

all Emily Dickinson poetry but especially 'I felt a funeral in my brain', 'Because I could not stop for death' (read them a thousand times already)

Pablo Neruda's Nothing but Death

Langston Hughes Poems

Tennyson's Lotos eater (underrated gem)

Sylvia Plath poems but special mentions to Lady Lazarus and the Bell jar

Paradise Lost by Milton (if you want to include something about the Devil in your list)

Poems by Sappho

The Contemporary Dark Academic:

A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee

The Secret History by Donna Tartt (the origin of Dark Academia)

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Ace of Spades by Amanda Foody (could recommend it a hundred times)

The Maidens by Alex Michaelides

If We Were Villains by ML Rio

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

The Shadow Lines by Amitav Ghosh

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

The Temple House Vanishing by Rachel Donohue

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark

The Girls are all so nice here by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

Heaven by Mieko Kawakami

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

The Likeness by Tana French

Never let me go by Kazuo Ishiguro

One of us is lying by Karen Mcmanus

Bunny by Mona Awad

The Plot by Jean Hanff

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

The Lessons by Naomi Alderman

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

Conversion by Katherine Howe

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth

Love is a Dog from Hell by Charles Bukowski

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

A Quaint and Curious Volume

We, the Drowned by Carsten Jensen

The Little Friend by Donna Tartt

The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clarke

The Lying Games by Ruth Ware

Black Chalk by Christopher J Yates

The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman

The Furies by Fernanda Eberstadt

The Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas

Bad Habits by Charleigh Rose

Good Girls Lie by JT Ellison

Shadow of the wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

Queer Dark Academic:

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY (yes, yes, yes it's the gay shit)

Notes on a Scandal (What was she thinking?) by Zoë Heller

Hex by Rebecca Dinerstein Knight

Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu (lesbian vampire, hell yeah!)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern

Maurice by EM Forster

Christabel by Coleridge

Poems by Sappho

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth

They Never Learn by Layne Fargo

Ace of Spades by Amanda Foody

The Dark Romantic Academic:

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth

The Lessons by Naomi Alderman

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Never let me go by Kazuo Ishiguro

The Likeness by Tana French

The Temple House by Rachel Donohue

The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness

Mythological Dark Academic:

(pardon me for my cluelessness)

I have not really read much about mythology but if Norse mythology is the area of your interest, Neil Gaiman is the God of it. (aka not only Good Omens and American Gods, but also the book 'Norse Mythology')

The Furies by Fernanda Eberstadt

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Circe by Madeline Miller

[Remember: Some of these books have dark academia as their major aspect but most of them have dark academia as their minor aspect, and many of them have been put into the list because I got a dark academia kind of vibe from them. Moreover these books have a lot more to offer than just Dark Academia, even if we ignore that aspect, these books are just great pieces of literature. This list is entirely created out of my own reading researches, friendly recommendations, and book recs from reddit, pinterest and the internet in general. If I have gone wrong somewhere or if you want me to add something new, feel free to drop an ask.]

[inaihito]

gonna try only weighing myself once a week from now on. can’t be weighing myself every day and freaking out every time i gain a pound in water weight.

[inaihito]

21/2/22

i managed to avoid an OCD freak out in class today by meditative breathing. it was crazy! i went into the kitchen and saw the sponge in the sink and it was really dirty and i felt like crying. i came back to the zoom lesson and it was all i could think about. so i did some 3 part breathing for a few mins and managed to calm down. it’s the first time that’s ever worked for me.

in my head it just kept going round and round that i couldn’t unsee it and i needed to fix it and i was really close to just leaving the lesson early and making up an excuse so i could go and clean everything but i managed to suppress it. i usually can’t do that and it ends in a panic attack so i’m really proud of myself.

sorry not really ed content, i just felt i should write it down :)

- kier.

[inaihito]

does anyone have any tips on how to reduce bloating?