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thank you all so much for 1k omg!!! i appreciate it so much i’m so sorry i’m not active on this blog anymore i try to be but i’m really bad at checking tumblr. you guys are the best!! thank you again! :)

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Lincoln is making macaroni and cheese

Lola: This stinks! I hate it this way.

Lincoln: What’s wrong with it?

Lola: Less cheese.

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: More macaroni.

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: Less macaroni.

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: More cheese!

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: More cheese AND macaroni!

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: TOO MUCH MACARONI!

[Lincoln makes another batch]

Lola: Oh, perfect. [throws it on Lincoln] I hate macaroni and cheese.

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Lucy, in cursive handwriting: 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒸𝓊𝓇𝓈𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

Lynn: What does it say?

Lisa: I can’t read cursive handwriting

Lynn: Bitch me neither that’s why I asked

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“I don’t really know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. [gestures to chair she’s sitting on] This chair? Not clothes.”

-Lynn

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Lincoln: Do you know any cool facts about frogs?

Lana: All facts about frogs are cool.

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Lynn: You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 70 years, made this salad?

Lisa: Technically you aren’t wrong with that number but I just hate it.

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“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s temperamental people. Yelling and screaming all the time. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO YELL AND SCREAM? WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE RATIONAL LIKE I AM?”

-Lori

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Harold: When gay marriage was legalized, we weren’t sure if or when it was going to be struck down so speed was of the essence.

[flashback]

Minister: Do you, Howard-

Howard: Yes.

Minister: And do you-

Harold: YES, YES. WE DO. *turns to Howard* WE’RE MARRIED.

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Lincoln: The nonviolent approach is probably better here.

Lynn Jr.: I wasn’t going to use violence. I don’t always use violence… Do I?

Lincoln: …

Lynn Jr.: …

Lincoln: The important thing is you believe that.

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“If you need anything, just ask. Someone else.”

-Lori

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Lola: [long string of cussing]

Luan: [to the audience] That’s my cute little sister who said that! Goodnight everybody!

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Lori: Toss me my keys.

*printer lands next to her*

Lori: I said my keys.

Leni: I thought you said printer!

Lori: Why the fuck would I say printer?

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Lincoln: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Clyde: Are you okay?

Lincoln: Cliff stole my garlic bread.

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Lincoln: Every talk I have with you people gets more and more absurd!

Lori: You say "you people" like you're not a part of this family. I got some news for you, Buster Brown: you're already on the Christmas card.

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Lincoln: I have an idea. It's very uncool. It's not illegal, technically, but it is a dick move.

Lucy: I love it.

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Lori: We'll get Lincoln to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.

Leni: [wearing a boxing glove] And that's when I��punch him, right?

[Lori gives a bummed look]

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Lynn Jr.: Hey, let’s do ‘Get Help’.

Lincoln: What?

Lynn Jr.: ‘Get Help’.

Lincoln: No.

Lynn Jr.: Come on. You love it.

Lincoln: I hate it.

Lynn Jr.: It’s great. It works every time.

Lincoln: It’s humiliating.

Lynn Jr.: Do you have a better plan?

Lincoln: No.

Lynn Jr.: We’re doing it.

Lincoln: We are not doing 'Get Help’.

[Lynn carries Lincoln in front of some thugs]

Lynn Jr.: Get help! Please! My brother is dying! Get help! Help him!

[thugs approach and Lynn throws Lincoln at them, knocking them down]

Lynn Jr.: Ahh, classic.

Lincoln: I still hate it. It’s humiliating.

Lynn Jr.: Not for me, it’s not.