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Shepard: We need to distract them.

Wrex: Right.

Shepard: What are you gonna do?

Wrex: I’m gonna kill them all. That oughta distract them.

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Thane: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

Jack: What a stupid fucking quote. I'm killing way more than two people, idiot.

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Vega: How's Shepard to work with?

Garrus: What have you heard? That bad guys would rather confess than be interrogated by them? That their steely gaze can cool a room by five degrees? That they can only be killed with a silver bullet, like a werewolf? They're all true, except for the silver bullet part. It might give them indigestion or heartburn, but I don't think it'd kill them.

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Tali: What kind of savages throw rocks at each other to have fun times?

Grunt, elsewhere, wielding a rock: Ha!

Jack: Get ready for a rock in the eye, bro!

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Joker: This is a bad idea.

Traynor: Nonsense, this is the perfect opportunity to get some answers!

Joker: The man shot at us! What if he just pulls a gun?

Traynor: Aha! That’s why I brought… this.

Traynor: *pulls out a knife*

Joker: What’s that supposed to do?

Traynor: Well you know what they say about bringing a knife to a gunfight!

Joker: That it’s… bad?

Traynor: Oh my god, is that what that means

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Shepard: Look, we all have a role in this team. I come up with dumb ideas. Miranda tells me why they won't work. Grunt and Jack convince me to do them anyway.

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Shepard: Every day you show me in your own way how you care about me. Like when you pick up rubber bands from the sidewalk.

Kaidan, visibly proud: For your ponytail!

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Traynor: Time to die!

Shepard: That's the spirit!

Traynor: I mean us, we are going to die!

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Shepard, after getting shot: ow

Garrus: Are you hurt?

Shepard: No I'm just humming a little song called 'ouch'

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[After riding a rollercoaster]

Shepard: It wasn't that bad, right?

Liara: Yeah.

Liara, Two Moments Later: Tali, it was so bad. It was so bad, Tali.

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Joker: Ok Shepard, what has a small penis and hangs down?

Shepard: I don’t know, what?

Joker: a bat!

Joker: now, what has an enormous penis and hangs up?

Shepard: I don’t know

Joker, turns his comm off:

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Shepard: Alright, time to break out the big guns.

Shepard: That wasn't a metaphor, guys. Go get some big guns!

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Oriana: Why does Jack call you babygirl?

Miranda: Let's stop talking for a little while.

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Drack: Anybody under 5’6” shouldn’t be talking about fighting anyone. What are you gonna do? Headbutt someone in the chest?

Peebee: Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole.

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Tali: Legion recently figured out he could sneakily put post-its on people's backs without them noticing.

Tali: But apparently he doesn’t know they’re supposed to say things like “kick me”, so instead they have trivia about various intergalactic animals on them.

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Shepard: I refuse to die until things get better.

Shepard: And yes, that’s a threat.

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Shepard: What are you doing?

Jack, digging through a bag of Skittles on Miranda’s desk: The cheerleader likes the red ones, so I’m separating them out.

Shepard: Aww, it’s nice to see you two finally getting along!

Jack: What? No, I’m gonna eat them in front of her.