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Alex: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

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Morgan: I am working on this whole Good Guy thing, but anyone who cuts me in line at Starbucks deserves to have their kneecaps shot out, okay?

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Morgan, in Barnaby’s window: I thought I’d find you here!

Ohio, climbing past Morgan: WE COULD HAVE USED THE DOOR-

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Alex: *writing a letter*

Alex: Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

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Alex: Morgan. My face is on fire.

Morgan: Alex. Are you ok?.

Alex: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Morgan: But your face is on fire.

Alex: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

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Morgan: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Barnaby: I think you mean cards.

Morgan, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

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Alex: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Morgan: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Alex: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

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Ohio: Morgan, you'll be working with Alex and Barnaby.

Morgan: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Morgan ...Of people on a team.

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Ohio: Is that a hickey?

Morgan: No, it’s a mosquito bite.

Alex: * Walks in * Hey guys.

Ohio: Hey, mosquito.

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Morgan: I think I’m dying

Alex: you’re not dying

Morgan: My skin is all…plump and my eyes don’t hurt

Alex: you slept a full 8 hours, this is what a healthy sleep schedule feels like

Morgan: I don’t like it. I’m never doing that again

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Alex: Morgan and I don’t use pet names.

Mrs. Stewart: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Alex: Honey?

Morgan: Yes, dear?

Alex:

Mrs. Stewart: Don't ever lie to my face again.

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Morgan: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...

Diego: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!

Dave: In your pantry!

Morgan: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?

Diego: Is your friend here?

Morgan, motioning to Alex: Yeah.

Diego, to Alex: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(

Chad: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-

Chad: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!

Chad: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN

Everyone else: No.

Chad, to Diego and Morgan: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS

Diego: YAAAAAAAAY!

Morgan: THE PRESTIGE!

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Morgan: Alex, keep an eye on Ohio today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Alex: Sure, I’d love to see Ohio get punched.

Morgan: Try again.

Alex, sighing: I will stop Ohio from getting punched.

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Morgan: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine

Morgan: i became more evil if you’re curious

Chad: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!

Morgan: i’m going to get worse on purpose

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Morgan: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?

Alex: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Morgan: but what’s the first worst thing?

*Awkward pause*

Alex: Morgan, they...they weren’t always orphans.

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*Playing Monopoly*

Morgan: Tonight, one of you will betray me.

Alex: Is it me, Morgan?

Morgan: No, it’s not you.

Ducky: Is it me, Morgan?

Morgan: It’s not you either.

Hawk: Is it me, Morgan?

Morgan:

Morgan, mockingly: Is IT mE Morgan?