incorrect-steven-universe

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Steven: Did you eat the last slice of pizza?

Amethyst: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Steven: Let me rephrase. Did you inhale the last slice of pizza without even chewing?

Amethyst: Oh that! Yes.

Source: Garfield comic

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Connie: Sorry I missed lunch. I was at the library and forgot to look at the clock-

Priyanka: Do you think I'm an idiot?

Connie: Huh?

Priyanka: Do you think I don't know where you've been?

Connie: What do you mean?

Priyanka: You think I wouldn't recognize the signs? Clean fingernails, good posture, cookie crumbs in your pockets. You're never hungry at dinnertime. You're seeing another mom.

Connie: I don't know what you're talking about.

Priyanka: Don't lie to me!

Connie: It's not what you think.

Priyanka: Who is she?

Connie: Why does that matter?

Priyanka: Who is she!?

Connie: ...Pearl. It doesn't mean anything. A couple weeks ago, I stopped by her house, and she had her iron out. She was just so nice, and there was cake.

Priyanka: Gonna be a long time before you get any cake around here.

Connie: I wasn't expecting any.

Priyanka: After everything I've sacrificed for you, all I've done- you come waltzing in here day after day, reeking of her fabric softener.

Connie: Yes! I like fabric softener! Pearl doesn't mind taking a little time to stop the rinse cycle. And maybe it's nice to have someone who's got more to say to me than just, "Clean your room, comb your hair," uh-da-da, uh-da-da, uh-da-da.

Priyanka: Do you love her?

Connie: Of course not. It's just snacks.

Priyanka: Oh, you like her snacks. You like filling up on her cookies. You know they're store bought.

Connie: That's beneath you, mom.

Source: Malcolm in the Middle

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Amethyst: Steven Quartz Universe! Don't you dare talk yourself into being miserable.

Steven: Or what?

Amethyst: Or I shall make silly faces at you. As I alone can.

Steven: They aren't silly.

Amethyst: They're hilarious.

Steven: Last time you made a tentacle come out of your forehead.

Amethyst: Highbrow comedy.

Steven: Then it slapped me.

Amethyst: Punch line. Obviously.

Source: the Stormlight Archive 

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Garnet: You could leave the equipment behind. You don't need all of that, do you?

Pearl: Garnet, I'm traveling light! I've left ninety percent of my clothing.

Garnet: And brought all of your swords.

Pearl: I need them.

Source: the Stormlight Archive

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Possibly, I was overthinking this. I do that; it's the anxiety that comes with being a pearl. The upside was paranoid attention to detail. The downside was also paranoid attention to detail.

-Pearl

Source: The Murderbot Diaries

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Steven: Besides, what's the worst that can happen?

Amethyst: We get arrested.

Garnet: We die.

Pearl: We fail.

Source: Aces Wild

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Amethyst: So, what's your survival mode?

Steven: Oh, you know. I'm just bottling it up so when I get a therapist someday, I'll have enough trauma to get my money's worth out of it.

Source: Aces Wild

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Jasper: You're only boobs, hair, and talk, Rose.

Rose: No, I'm boobs and hair and talk and a hell of a sword hand.

Source: The Locked Tomb

[incorrect-steven-universe]

"She's a genius. With proper motivation, Pearl could wield two swords in each hand and one in her mouth. While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade."

-Garnet

Source: The Locked Tomb

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Garnet: Hello, Cat Steven.

Cat Steven: *sniffs Garnet*

Garnet: Uh-oh! I think she smells the neighbor's cat on me.

Cat Steven: *turns away in disgust*

Garnet: I'm not to blame, Cat Steven! She forced me to pet her, I swear!

Source: Pickles comic

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Priyanka: Connie, why would you suddenly decide to boycott Thanksgiving?

Connie: Why NOT?

Connie: Every year, we celebrate a made-up story even though we know the real history is way more ugly.

Connie: And for what? So we can overeat, watch football, and argue about politics?

Priyanka: You argue about politics at the kids table?

Connie: That place is a Thunderdome!

Source: Crabgrass comic

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Amethyst: Dude! Have you heard how a butterfly can flap its wings and cause a hurricane on the other side of the world?

Pearl: Actually, that's just a colorful metaphor to illustrate the idea of unforseen consequences of even the smallest events, Amethyst.

Amethyst: Oh.

Pearl: Yeah.

Amethyst: *holding a butterfly net*

Pearl: We can still go catch some, if you want.

Amethyst: No thanks, Captain Actually.

Source: Crabgrass comic

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Pearl: But there's always a risk someone will take a closer look at what she's doing and report her. I'm trained to be as inconspicuous as possible. It's the least I can do.

Amethyst: I'm trained, too. Well, in theory. But why be inconspicuous when your enemies can furiously shout your name at the sky instead?

Source: The Darkest Legacy

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Amethyst: Looks like this is good timing- I was coming to see if you wanted lunch. Or coffee, apparently?

Garnet: I'm not supposed to have any more caffeine.

Amethyst: Says who?

Garnet: Me.

Amethyst: Well, tell you that you're ridiculous.

Garnet: Tried that, I didn't believe me.

Source: Love, Holly

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Amethyst: I'm here to help you pack, Marty.

Marty: What did you say?

Amethyst: You're moving out.

Marty: Is this some kind of joke?

Amethyst: Not at all. You're leaving this house, right now, and you're not coming anywhere near Vidalia ever again. You've seen her for the last time.

Marty: You must be insane!

Amethyst: Actually, I'm being unusually generous. I was planning on throwing you down the stairs, but instead I brought a suitcase, thought I'd let you pack some shirts and pants.

Source: The Gitl in the Spider's Web

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Mystery Girl: So, the good news is that you got shot and not the boy."

Pearl: Something like that.

Mystery Girl: Should I take you to the hospital?

Pearl: No.

Source: The Girl in the Spider's Web

[incorrect-steven-universe]

Peeidot: But I guess that's how it is when you're homesick, isn't it?

Lapis: What do you mean?

Peridot: That you miss even the bad bits.

Lapis: True.

Source: The Girl in the Spider's Web