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- lexi howard about fezco o’neil

Sylvia Plath, in a diary entry dated 20 June 1959, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

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lexi, on the phone with rue: fez is washing the dishes and i just heard him say "who do you work for? who's your contact???" while repeatedly pushing a glass under water

rue: at least he's having fun???

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lexi: please, i'm begging you, go to a doctor

fez, clutching his stomach: i'm sorry, is this our stab wound? stay out of it, lex!

*fez turns around and takes a few steps, then abruptly passes out and falls to the floor*

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lexi: i have very high standards

fez: *exists*

lexi: shit he meets all of my standards

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lexi: my boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss on the lips, what do i do?

ash: punch him in the gut, then when he doubles over in pain, kiss him

jules: tackle him

faye: dump him

rue: kick him in the shin

fez: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN

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*lexi being voted as prom queen*

maddy: oh i can't believe lexi won!

rue: yeah- i mean, who even voted for her?

fez, grinning: me. about 150 times

rue: dude, you don’t even go here

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lexi, the night before the wedding: are we still on for tomorrow?

fez:

fez: yes?

lexi: good, just wanted to check

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mrs. howard: you’re grounded, lexi. no phone

lexi: my phone is broken anyways

mrs. howard: then you can’t use the car

lexi: i need the car to go to school

mrs. howard: then, uh… then no fez!

fez: WHAT? NO FEZ?

mrs. howard: NO FEZ

lexi: MOM, NO, YOU CAN’T!

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*texting*

fez: you looked beautiful today

lexi: you didn’t even see me

fez: don’t have to

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lexi, panicking: you got a 94?? i got a 92…

rue, bragging: yup! that means i got three more points than you. who’s the smart one now?

lexi:

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lexi, seeing someone do something stupid: what an idiot

lexi: *realizes it’s fezco*

lexi: wait, that’s my idiot

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kat: your man doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions

cassie: well your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

fez: who’s caramelizing onions? have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

lexi: honey, do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions?

maddy: your man thinks caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

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fez: i've lied to every girl i said “i love you" to. i thought i loved them, but then i met you and realized i've never been in love before

lexi: aw, i didn’t know that

fez: yeah, it was eating me up inside, so i called them each individually and said, "i never loved you"

lexi: okay, that seems unnecessary

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fez: you’re being quiet

lexi: no, i’m being passive aggressive

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*texting*

fez: wanna know who’s the most beautiful person in the entire world?

lexi: who?

fez: read the first word again

fez: wait i fucked up

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lexi: fezco, would you mind making me a coffee?

fez: ‘course, baby

fez, forgetting the word for ice: here’s you caramel macchiato… on the rocks

lexi:

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fez: i’ve never had a best friend before

lexi: that’s alright, i’ll be your best friend!

fez:

fez: i’ve never had a girlfriend either–