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The Obscuary as Troubled Birds (Three Episodes In)

Gretchen: I do not go to my happy place. I go to my high, lonesome place.

Marvin: I disembowel. It’s what I do.

Vance: I meditate mostly for a 15-minute break from this ongoing shitshow.

Helena: Things just got super weird— it’s my time to shine.

Felix: Snacking between meals is the least, but tastiest, of my problems.

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Barron: Alright, usual formation.

Veve: What’s the usual formation.

Wicked: Varies.

Veve: How can the usual formation vary?

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Barron: No, they can’t just “hook something up.” The entire telephone network is down.

Veve: What about a mobile connection?

Barron: The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!

Wicked: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken.

(Raises hand to ear)

Wicked: Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren’t working.

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Erick (to Hazel): Girl, you are KILLING IT.

Erick: Girl, I don’t think it’s moving anymore.

Erick: Girl, you can stop biting.

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Salvatore: What’s the hardest thing to say?

Wesley: I was wrong.

Cyrus Moffet: I need help.

Vorin: Worcestershire Sauce!

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Keith: Can I teach the crabs to crab rave?

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The Family Man: But you need that asshole for pooping.

Shane: I don’t trust you on matters of anatomy, even when you’re right.

The Family Man: You also use it for breathing.

Shane: You’re thinking of turtles.

The Family Man: Sorry, you also use it for turtles.

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Isaiah: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy.

Isaiah: And my heart has been severely damaged.

Kyle Parris: So, Rosemary, if you’re out there…