incorrectnessduskwood

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MC: So… what would you do if you were in bed with me? Jake: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? MC: Yes. Jake: I'd sleep.

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MC: It doesn’t have a bone. Charlie: Then why is it called a boner?

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Ash: MC, I am questioning your sanity… Eric: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

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Jake: *accidentally eats something too spicy so his eyes start to water* MC: Jake, look at me. It's okay. I would die for you. I love you so much. You're the best person I know. Jake: I'm not crying? MC, hugging Jake's head: Shush baby, it's okay. MC is here and they love you with my whole heart.

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MC: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

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Phil: You know, you were right. MC: About what specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.

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Jake: Do you even have a plan? MC: This is the plan! I break you out, chaos, destruction, something something something, we win! Jake: Oh, of course, the old “something something something we win”. That’s a terrible plan!

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Dan: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Lilly: Why? Dan: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Cleo. Lilly: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Dan: Lilly, you have opened my eyes.

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Charlie: What does “baka” mean? MC: Moron. Ash: Idiot. Violet: Stupid. Charlie: The fuck did I do?!

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Thomas: Aww, what's your dog's name? Jake: Spartacus. Thomas, yelling to Dan: TRY SPARTACUS! Dan, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK! Jake: Thomas: What's your favorite number?

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MC: I don’t have anything against you, but I can make up lots of reasons to attack you!!

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Ash: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm. Charlie: That is not something you actually have installed. Ash: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

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Eric: Hey Charlie, check out this funny .GIF I found! Charlie: It’s pronounced “jif”. Eric: Huh? Charlie: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Eric: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Charlie: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Eric: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Charlie: It’s exactly the same! Eric: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Charlie: Gentrification. Eric: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Charlie: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Eric: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Eric: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Charlie: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Eric: Huh. Didn’t know that. Eric: You’re still wrong, though. Charlie: You just hate me because I’m right. Eric: I just hate you in general. Charlie: You mean in “geh-neral”? Eric: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

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Jake: MC, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. MC: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

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MC: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went “Doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a murderer, just ignore that” with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so I good sense of humour. MC: I looked them up, they were a murderer.

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Phil, in Jake’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night? Jake, knocking Phil off: WHAT THE HELL?! Phil: Ow— Jake: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor! Phil: I had a nightmare. Jake: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old? Phil: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there- Jake, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL! Phil: That is not what I meant— Jake: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground! Phil: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too. Jake: Yeah, okay- Phil: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night? Jake: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while. Phil, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed! Jake: I did not consent to this- Phil, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden! Jake, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s six-foot-one, he’s got red hair. Phil: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it. Jake: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me. Phil: Oh, maybe together we could— Jake: NO. Phil: Just to save water— Jake: No! You don’t even pay for the water! Phil: …Good point.

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Jake: I owe you one. MC: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.