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Hiriluk: Wait wait, it gets better! When the patient woke up, his SKELETON was missing! And the doctor was never heard from again! Dalton: PFFAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hiriluk: Hahaha... Ahh... Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license!

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Blueno: Psst. Over there. Lucci: Where? Blueno: I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.

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Crocodile: Ho ho, I'm sorry. I can't divulge information about that customer's secret illegal account. (Hangs up Den Den Mushi)

Crocodile: Oh crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer.

Crocodile: Oh crap! I shouldn't have said it was a secret!

Crocodile: Oh crap!! I certainly shouldn't have said... it was illegal! Ohhh... it's too hot today...

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Robin: I’ll just pop in for a quick hi and by and then we’ll be on our way. Ten minutes, swear to God. You can play with this kaleidoscope I got you.

Sanji: What?! A kaleidoscope? I’m not fiveShapes and colors the likes of which I’ve never seen~

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Nami: We're having salad for dinner.

Zoro: Luffy said we're having burgers!

Nami: If Luffy jumped off a cliff, would you?

Zoro: ............

Nami: Zoro!

Zoro: Well- I- We- I- I mean it depends!

Nami: Don't jump off a cliff!

Zoro: Well, I wasn't planning on it.

Nami: But if Luffy jumped, you would?

Zoro: ............

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Luffy: Engage stealth mode.

Franky: We don't have a stealth mode.

Luffy: Humor me.

Franky: (whispering) Stealth mode engaged.

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Hancock: I Will Offer You A New, Exceedingly Benevolent Compromise

Hancock: Assimilate Into My Army And There Is Only A Fifty Percent Chance I Will Reprogram Your Face

Hancock: Please Select Your Choice: Perish In The Chill Of Absolute Destruction, Or, Flourish Under The Warm Bosom Of My Hellish Reign

Chopper: B... Bosom...?

Hancock: It Means Tity

Usopp: WE KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!!!

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Luffy and Usopp pointing at Chopper: Baby man, little baby. Little baby man. Little baby baby baby man. Little BABY! BABY MAN!

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The gang runs into their former enemies

Don Krieg: Tonight's special: ROAD KILL!

Luffy: This guy?! Oh he doesn't like us.

Arlong: GRRRRRRRR!!

Luffy: He REALLY doesn't like us!

Alvida: What are THEY doing here?!

Luffy: She not only doesn't like us, but I kinda broke her heart!

Brook: ... What have you boys been UP to..?

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Kuma: It's so sad Steve Jobs died of ligma

Franky: Who the hell is Steve Jobs?

Kuma: Ligma balls (teleports him away)

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Zoro, via Den Den Mushi: Uh, Frank-kssht Rob-kssht Can't hear you there-kgghh must be-plbbt interference in the sig-kggght call you -ack-ksssht

Robin: Personally, I've always found Luffy's fake static to be a lot more convincing.

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On Amazon Lily

Luffy: Wait a minute. There's something bothering me about this place... (Gasp) I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! (Leaving) Enjoy your death trap, ladies!

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Sandersonia: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Hancock, through tears: It's not a joke! I'm a legit snack!

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This is Marcos speech to ace about whitebeard in the flashback at Marineford

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Usopp: I think I probably made everything harder for the rest of you when I really didn’t need to. Probably not enough to justify trying to stab me, but still. Sorry about that.

Luffy: To be fair, it was just a sailing adventure then. We didn’t know it would eventually turn into a crusade against the World Government.

Usopp: We were a ragtag bunch of unlikely scoundrels with unresolved issues who didn’t see eye to eye. I should’ve known, Luffy. I should’ve known.

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Zoro attempts to get some of the zombies to scare Sanji during Thriller Bark

Zombie 1: A hit, huh? You want us to make him suffer? Or just end it, quick and quiet-like?

Zoro: No no no, nothing permanent, just like, give him a little taste of fear. And I guess you can break something. Small. Like a toe.

Zombie 1: We could take out his tongue.

Zombie 2: With a knife.

Zombie 1: Or remove his heart?

Zombie 2: Yeah, with a knife!

Zombie 1: A bigger knife...

Zombie 2: ****ing knife!

Zoro: Yeah... you guys are... You’re kinda creepy, I think this may be a stupid idea...

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(While infiltrating Onigashima)

Franky: Signal me. (Shoots his hand like a grappling hook and begins scaling the wall)

Nami: Oh, there’s a ladder right there!

Franky: Oh yeah, THAT’S a lot of fun!