indiyhymns

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Lucy staying the same (or trying to at least) because she fears that if she changes koia won't recognise or believe her, only for when they reunite for KOIA TO BE AFRAID THAT LUCY WONT LIKE HER BECAUSE SHES CHANGED SO MUCH!

Which to Lucy feels like a slap in the face, and basically, lovingly, tells her off for, how she'll always love her over & over again, she doesn't care! Lucy's changed too! She's changed so much! It's not until then that she actually shows how much she's changed. She's angry, scared, guarded, all because of this stupid curse.

Yes she's the Sunshine character, but she is so, so much more than that. She's a scared, guarded, angry kid, because how can she not be? Zyrane has physically abused her for so long, making her feel like all her imperfections are awful and that koia would never love her again if she showed how angry she truly was.

How she lashes out at people for no reason. Lucy's a parallel of elley, and that's why they became friends. Lucy saw herself in her and wanted to help her, to make her different from herself.

She's angry.... she's just really good at hiding it.

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This is so zyrane coded! He's abusive and awful to Lucy & koia because he's alone, he's lonely. He doesn't know mortals that well and doesn't know or realise or care that what he's doing is wrong. Hes selfish!

BUT that does NOT mean, it can excuse him! If anything, it makes more tragic, more awful! He's a spoiled toxic person who abuses & manipulates & tricks people to get what he wants.

And that.... is the ultimate tragedy of all

when the objectively bad person has traumatic and honestly reasonable reasons for why theyre like that but it doesnt excuse their actions and only serves to make them more tragic as a character

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Koia is so interesting as a character. She starts out depressed, nialistic, forcing herself to be alone and not break anyone else's hearts (including her own), but then she meets ruby.

She meets ruby and while at first, she didn't trust her or want to get close, but then ruby saves her and she can't help but get close. She starts to actually want to get close to her, momentarily forgetting about the curse & her mortality.

She starts learning about modern technology and instead of hating it, being afraid, she gives it a chance and learns to like it. Even if she's still learning early 2000s tech and not 202X tech. Baby steps.

After the events of the book she learns who she truly is, in this new life, new body, new everything. And she learns that, she's still her, still herself, but she loves the colour pink and feminine clothing.

She thinks about how in every life before now she always wanted to dress head to toe in pink & pastels like her watercolour paintings. But she never could, mostly because of the society & money about it.

But she can now, so, like a Phoenix coming out of ashes, she is re-born again, this time on her own terms. She dyes her hair, wears what she wants not caring about the price. She is koia, koia choi, girlfriend of ruby conner, platonic soulmate & best friend of lucy. She is herself, fully & whole.

She ends her character hopeful of the future, happy, confident, everything she wasn't in the beginning, all because she met a girl at her favourite bookstore, and said girl being the new kid in her class.

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I love seeing a slutty fit on pinterest and thinking "yes, zyrane would 100% wear that"

Like, HE WOULD EAT THESE UP!!! like you might be a piece of shit abuser, BUT MAN IS HE SEXY!

Like, omggg, he's such a slut! A whore, if you will!

And we stan him for it :>

[indiyhymns]

Koias the person who will grieve and be angry but also feel like she has to keep the people she knew memories alive, remembering them as much as she can.

While Lucy just tries to forget. It's easier than remembering and all the pain comes right back to her.

Lucy loves in the moment, oh how much she loves, but when the inevitable comes around and she's reborn, she forgets. She forces herself too. She cant go through all that pain again, she just can't. She still hasn't found natska yet! She can't grive other ppl until she finds her

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Lucy loves elley, she's her best friend and was a good way to distract herself from everything in her life. She loves her so much... she just loves koia/natska more... and that's ok...

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The idea that koia was husk of who she was until ruby gave her, her spark back and then panicked so hard about it because she's still believes that she's going to die, that she can't stay, she can never stay! She's breaking her own heart again and she just can't! Not again!

While Lucy stays the same because she doesn't want to change too much before she sees koia again, to change would mean to lose her all over again and she just can't, she can't!

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The fact that Lucy is still so happy and upbeat even after all this time and the abuse is so.... :(

Lucy still being happy on the surface, while also deep down being scared & hyperawere of everything all the time.

Then koia after so long of this became depressed, nihilistic. All the sunshine she had gone, and now she's just a husk of what she used to be. Until she meets ruby and her spark comes back, but then she hates it, she hates herself.

She's angry, not joyful, all she can feel is rage

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Can't wait for everyone in the future who goes down this hash tag to find all my old posts here :]

It's gonna be the funniest yet worst dat ever lol

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Elley being BPD/BPD-coded is very fun because she can be feel so many emotions :3

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Platonic love triangles >>> normal boring romantic love triangles

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The absolute CRACK that is my story lol

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HELLO! I'm indiy Foley! Author of "sweet hymns of a past life"

I've been writing and making this novel since I was 14 years old in grade 8. I live in Australia and am a local tassie writer. I'm aroace and transgender. Pronouns are he/they. I'm also audhd.

Feel free to ask questions about my book :]

This is gonna mostly be about me talking about my book, I hope you have fun!