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What the signs don't want to hear

Cancer, Libra, Capricorn, Pisces- THE FITNESS GRAM PACER TEST IS A MULTI STAGE AEROBIC CAPACITY TEST THAT PROGRESSIVELY GETS MORE DIFFICULT AS IT CONTINUES

Aries, Taurus, Leo- OK kids clear everything off your desk except for a pencil

Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius- We’re eating dinner together as a family tonight, so no eating in your room

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The Zodiac Signs’ Deeply Buried Truths and Dreams

To understand a zodiac sign’s motives, you must understand the workings of their mind and heart. Dreams and ideals can help to grasp their patterns of behaviour which would otherwise be inexplicable to us. 

*use sun, moon or dominant sign

The Fire Signs (Aries, Leo & Sagittarius)

A fire sign’s fantasy world begins where the fairytale book ends. It’s a realm of romance and myth. In fact, the fiery signs mythologize everyday-life to a large extent and transform their reality into a stage where everybody plays their part. Their fantasies can be quite black and white, full of clichés and old and well-known tales. When their lives lack drama, they simply project their brilliantly colorful dreams onto the people or situations in their surrounding. They can not stand the grey dullness of the emprical world and their minds are the best escape.

Aries The Aries’ fantasies are of a quite chivalric nature as, deep down, they are knights in shining armor looking for a noble cause or a damsel in distress. For them the Age of Courtly Love is not over and they live according to the rules of the Round Table or the Order of the Garter as their dreams revolve around honour, loyalty and praise. Aries needs adventure, a lost cause to participate in, a war to fight, a heart to win back, otherwise they grow cold and experience psychic indigestion.

Leo Leos love to create myths and stories concerning their self. They are highly idealistic and envision a world where good is purely good and bad is purely bad - they don’t really see grey shadows or the subtleties of human nature. The lion wants to be the hero or the heroine, anyone really who is respected, looked up to and appreciated. Their dreams are full of romanticism and love they pour into their beloved subjects/children/objects of affection and about the tenderness they receive in return. 

Sagittarius Like their arrows, Sagittarius’ visions are aimed at some distant future or a faraway possibility. In the centaur’s dreams nothing has limits and their abilities and possible journeys are endless. It’s hard for them to cope with people telling them that something is impossible because they strongly believe that every goal can be reached, no matter how absurd it sounds. What really drives a Sagittarius are unexplored paths, unexplicable mysteries and a sense of anticipation that lingers in the air. Because of that boundless realm in their head, the centaur understands that life is meaningful and that everything teaches a lesson and encourages growth but the light of their visions can rarely be transformed into reality. 

The Earth Sings (Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn)

The fantastic and uncomprehensible world exists for Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn as well but unlike the fire signs, earth signs tend to not recognize it as a part of their actual life but as something supernatural. They are terribly afraid of disorder which is why most of them will opress their imagination and dreams rather than embrace them. And while they know almost everything about the world surrounding them, spirituality and fantasy have the potential for them to come to terms with their inner self. They probably really need and want to retreat in a realm of dreams but they often feel too occupied with everyday-life and therefore guilty “wasting” their time drowning in fantasy. 

Taurus Taurus needs to escape into a world of beauty from time to time. When the reality is too cold or things just do not seem to work out, they like to drown in things which are exquisite and beautiful, either physically or with their mind. If they can’t have their real piece of luxury they like to think about times when they will or had and just generally knowing about all the art in the world, like paintings, music or good food keeps them going. They are one of the most sceptic signs and the ones who value the known and reliable most, so it is most likely that their dreams revolve around something they can actually capture with their senses.

Virgo Virgos are quite romantic and imaginative souls but they are not idealistic like most of the water and air signs. Their minds are neatly and orderly arranged knowledge gained through quiet observing and silent curiosity. Their oftentimes cold or brusque exterior is a protection for the possible gunshots reality could take at them. Their safe haven is a mind that has a resolution for every situation, where every thing is coloured and structured in its realest, most detailed form to shut out all dangers from outside. Virgos wish the world were a more equal and better place but they have to protect themselves before they can help others.

Capricorn Achievement to Capricorn is what romance is to the fire signs. Without goals and challenges, a Capricorn can grow cold and be thrown headfirst into depression because this unfriendly world can not offer him meaning anymore. The most mysterious of the earth signs, known as ambitious, working and plodding, is a magician, a chaser of mysteries in disguise. A true Capricorn knows how to make peace with the earth, and, in the end, all their hard labour is just a steppingstone to a more profound, reflected and introspective side to their nature. Once they have learned how to live in this world, they can use their newly found freedom to pursue their love of the mysteries, which, for them, revolve around all the energies that govern life.

The Air Signs (Gemini, Libra & Aquarius)

Air signs are the children amongst the zodiac and there is no one quite so familiar with the existence of wonders like a child. They have an incredible emotional depth and are incurable romantic at heart. Every emotional experience they make is profound and meaningful and immediately valued as one with an idealistic outcome. Gemini, Libra and Aquarius lack a certain worldliness because they seem to understand nearly everything. But all the mysteries and secrets of the world can only be understand by them when matched with a correlating system like religion or occult. They need to understand in order to be sane which is why some mysteries (the truly inexplicable ones) will never cease to fascinate but scare them.

Gemini A true Gemini is an eternal child. The world will never cease to overwhelm and amaze them and they will make it their life-long mission to gather broad and comprehensive knowledge about it. Geminis learn for the sole delight of self-taught wisdom and quenching that unbearable thirst that seems to be part of their nature. In-depth analyses are something you will not ever see a Gemini make because there is so much the universe can still teach and they simply have no time to think about something for too long. So it is no suprise that the twins are the least introspective of the signs, the vast pool of wonders around them is more important than sitting down and thinking about one’s own motives.

Libra A Libra’s life is seen through a tinted glass that shows all the bauty it can contain. Like the true children of Venus that they are, Libras seek the Beautiful, the Good and the True and their dreams revolve around a world in which every being has their perfectly fitting counterpart and ordinary life is lifted to idealistic heights. Most of them feel like a part of them is missing and will never stop believing in finding perfection in form of a worthy companion, fulfilling job or just general happiness. Their quest for the Good and Beautiful can seem like hollow flattery to the more sceptic signs like Capricorn and Scorpio but dreamers will appreciate their efforts to preserve fantasies rather than destroy them with a brutal truth that is rarely ever absolute anyways.

Aquarius Aquarius’ ideals mean everything to them and they would gladly give their life for the realization of their dream about universal love, equality, a brighter future. Without the ideas of an Aquarius, no real progress can take place, like their symbol the Waterbearer they offer the water of life to humanity. Their dreams are their ideals and their ideals are their reality. But while Aquarians always have an inept sense of the big picture, they lack comprehension for the personal and that makes it incredibly difficult for them to not only be humanitarian but also a fearlessly feeling human.

The Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces)

To the water signs everything is motivated by feeling as they move in the world with instinct, at home with what is irrational and inexplicable. Their reality is made entirely from what they feel and they subconciously assign an emotion to literally everything. Their own world contains a whole universe of dreams and fantasies and they mean so much to them because they are stuffed with profound truths that are part of a water sign’s core personality. They oppose the logical and rational values of our time and the processes of the intellect which are typically assigned to the air signs. They speak the language of the heart or  gut (which is a water sign’s most powerful tool).

Cancer Like their symbol the crab, Cancers’ home is the border between earth and water.They need the security of dry land like commitment, promises and truths but they also feel a strong pull towards the depths of the ocean of imagination. Their dreams and longings oftentimes revolve around stability, being needed and loved and the emotional subtleties underlying their fantasies are important for a Cancer’s personal and introspective growth. But individuals born under this sign are painfully self-protective, so do not expect them to talk to you about their secret longings and even if they do, be aware of them not telling you the whole truth. 

Scorpio While the element of air is idealistic, water signs are more realistic and especially Scorpios know that ideals are important but life is different. They are as sensitive as their watery companions and possess the same emotional awareness but they can not afford romance because they are painfully aware of the human nature not only being great but also very animalistic and vicious. No other sign understands the shadows of being human as good as Scorpio and no one accepts and embraces the darkness as willingly. After all, there is nothing else to do. What really drives this sign is the will to make something of themselves as they want to find the profound truth of their being.

Pisces Pisces is the true sign of the mystic and they desperately need and are aware of another reality, a magical, elusive world which makes ordinary life meaningless. A lot of people born under the fishes are deeply religious (not necessary in an orthodox way) as they hold on to practices that are concerned with a side of life that is uncomprehensible, vast and profound. Unlike their watery fellows, Pisces’ sensitivity and deep wisdom about the futility of human behaviour is focused more outward and people with this sign are generally not as concerned with their own well-being and more focused on the hapiness of those around them.

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🚨🚨🚨

today is Nov. 15. the FCC, under chairman Ajit Pai, will not listen to the public despite millions of comments in support of net neutrality. They are going to try their hardest to kill net neutrality, which in turn will kill the internet, which in turn will help eradicate democracy. it won’t just affect Americans, it has the potential to affect the entire internet, something we ALL use daily. you can bet your ass other countries will see america doing this, and use it as an excuse to do it in their own countries.

this is what buying a plan without net neutrality looks like there:

you have to pay MORE for features you’re already guaranteed to have under net neutrality. and in america, you already know how expensive everything is.

democrats AND republicans both want net neutrality. advocacy groups in touch with congress have said that if your members of congress receive calls from you, they are more encouraged and more likely to take action to stop Pai’s plan to gut net neutrality. after Nov. 22, it will be MUCH HARDER to convince your member of congress.

please, call them. call them daily.

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

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the signs about to fight

"pls don't make me do this": Pisces, Aquarius, Libra, Gemini

"i fucking dare you": Sagittarius, Virgo, Taurus, Cancer

*already swinging*: Scorpio, Aries, Capricorn, Leo

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the signs 🍻 partying:

aries: completely red, really really feeling themself very openly, probably heated about something/everything, keeps pulling more beers out of their pockets, at some point laying in the bathtub with a box of pizza and 5 friends with the door locked, they are yelling

taurus: talking to everyone, not as drunk as anyone else, but definitely the most hype person there, comes with one group of people, leaves with another- likely for food if there wasn’t any at the party- or with one person who they hook up with

gemini: accidentally flirting, failing at intentional flirting, has a bottle of backup booze they’re sharing with a few other people, loud as fuck, the center of every convo, is smoking people out somewhere, eventually tries to make out with someone they failed at flirting with- unsuccessful

cancer: has spilled their drink on at least two people, shitfaced but still insisting that everyone stays hydrated, has a solo cup of just water, is more loud and emo~than ever before~and on social media, ready to leave whenever- the pregame was the party for them

leo: sharing their memes with whoever will listen, out front smoking a cig half the night, selfies selfies selfies, slowly taking off more and more clothes, dishing out unsolicited opinions, making friends and enemies tonight ✔

virgo: lurking in the shadows with their close friends, definitely has noticed, analyzed, and judged everyone, lowkey insecure, last to leave though they meant to leave long before, no one can tell how drunk they are, they don’t notice but everyone wants them

libra: graceful even though they are the most drunk- they seem sober but more happy to see you, lightly conversing one on one with a lot of people through the night, going with the flow of the people they came with, is in everyones insta/snap stories

scorpio: not as fucked up as they’d meant to get, looking absolutely murderous but in the most excited way possible, wants to leave 5 minutes after arriving, ends up staying as late as virgo, makes out with several different people while there

sagittarius: gossiping/stirring up the tea, probably the one DJing, is dancing the most enthusiastically + probably also singing the loudest, gets pissed when cancer spills their drink on them and leaves to change, then comes BACK and takes the aux cord again immediately

capricorn: they look sharp and put together but smell like a bottle of rum, politely chatting with everyone (about politics or something) but are really there for like one person, they leave early with that person because they have goals and responsibilities 😩👌

aquarius: the most crossfaded and loopy person, dancing w/ sagittarius, eventually is sitting on the couch getting into deep af convos with a few people who all fall in love with them (oops), leaves later in the night with those people to talk in a quieter space

pisces: they brought dick + vag shaped cookies for some reason??, not even drunk, but very stoned, is one of the only people dancing and is killing it, at some point really exploring the persons house/admiring the vibes, have already been to 2+ parties before this

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Signs as Carrie Fisher quotes

Aquarius: Men. Go figure.

Pisces: What hairstyle would YOU put on someone with a round face? Add more! So it can contain the fat.

Aries: There’s no room for demons when you’re self-possesed.

Taurus: Take your broken heart, make it into art.

Gemini: Instant-gratification takes too long.

Cancer: G’night Fuck-O’s.

Leo: You guys are much more polite with your mutilations.

Virgo: I’ve got at least 14 bad angles.

Libra: If my life weren’t funny it would just be true, and that is unnacceptable.

Scorpio: “-Where do you get your wonderful sense of humour, Carrie?” -Sears!

Sagittarius: Men don’t age better than women, men are just allowed to age.

Capricorn: Unfortunately it hurts all 3 of my feelings.

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The signs in an exam

Look around to notice everyone writing more than them: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces

Feels the mental breakdown coming: Aries, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Aquarius, Pisces

stares at someones shoes for a solid 30 minutes: Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn

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summer moods

aries: running with your friends at night, fireworks illuminating your footsteps

taurus: white linen curtains flowing in the breeze, sitting in your bed with tea in the morning, breathing it in

gemini: laughing with a group on the edge of a cliff at sunset, all gold, wind ruffling green grass

cancer: midnight at a party under a full moon, leaning in close to kiss someone in private, silvery moonlight

leo: walking into a golden room, arms outstretched as your smile mirrors the sun, friends sitting at the table

virgo: walking over grass just out of the city nearing sunset, where it's still warm, hearing nothing but nature

libra: a summer daze morning, snuggled in bed with your lover, you owe nothing to the day

scorpio: under the stars, on a roof with your closest friend, sharing red wine and laughter

sagittarius: chatter at a late night beach party, red cup in your hand, dancing by a fire

capricorn: feeling the dirt between your toes, under a tree, the sun is finally out

aquarius: running to a car in denim shorts, a sudden road trip, drive to the tallest hill

pisces: a fresh moonlit canvas, hands covered in blue and gold paint

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Excuses to Skip Family Dinner

Aries: Straight up gets to the point with, “I know y'all don’t like me anyways”. 

Taurus: “Because I’d rather sleep.” 

Gemini: “Because Aunt Susan’s place doesn’t have Wi-Fi.”

Cancer: Because they’re too busy helping an ex or got invited to a partner’s family dinner instead.

Leo:  Because politics….

Virgo: They can’t find any matching socks or their favorite tie. 

Libra: "Because I know everyone will be eyeing my boo. I just don’t want to start another family feud.”

Scorpio: "Because I’m full on everyone’s B.S.”

Sagittarius: Already headed to another state or country, forgot to tell everyone.

Capricorn: Working all day and night, or at least says they are.

Aquarius: Is the black sheep of the family. 

Pisces: Depending on their mood: A. “I’m allergic to Uncle’s cooking and Barbara’s attitude.” B. Sends a text hours after dinner that they’re ready to come over.

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La Vie En Rose playing from another room Edith Piaf

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me: *neglects my duo lingo app*

The Duolingo Owl:

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there are four types of people:

neon signs, biting your lip, adrenalin, late night talks, vintage vinyls, raspberries

journals and stationery, whispers, feeling sleepy, browsing wikipedia for 2 hours, streets in foreign cities, sculptures

daisies, the sound of laughter, pressed flowers, genuine compliments, oversized sweaters

marble, sarcasm, old books, lightning, skyscrapers, crystals, proving them wrong

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the signs as things we’ve said taken out of context

disclaimer: we aren’t experts on horoscopes!! this was made for fun. forgive us if we offend you or get something wrong. :d

aries: bro just fuckin deck him

taurus: MY TAN HISPANIC MAN RIDING ON A WHITE STALLION ON A BEACH

gemini: GIVE HIM THE OL RAZZLE DAZZLE

cancer: I DONT CRAVE DEATH ANYMORE

leo: AND IF I CATCH U GUYS IM GONNA SWING ALL 7 OF MY SHOPPING BAGS AT YOU

virgo: HOW DO YOU LIKE UR FUCKIN EGGS BRO

libra: H-HEWWO ANYWONE OUT THWERE

scorpio: OR ILL CHOKESLAM HIM INTO AN ABYSS

sagittarius: BOTH OF MY SIBLINGS HAVE CONSIDERED INCEST

capricorn: IT WAS SILENT BUT IK THEY WERE HAVING INTERCOURSE

aquarius: ITS 1111 DU MAA  DANK AIR HORNS I LEFT THE KIDS IN THE OVEN Y-YOU TOO GARY

pisces: I MOMZONED JACOB

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God is dead.