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Farewell

Unfortunately I'm going to have to take my writings elsewhere. I'm keeping this blog for nothing more than my own entertainment and pictures every now and then. Feel free to follow my new blog Blairach.wordpress.com

[indythoughts-blog]

I just want this to be me.  All day err day.  Sleep on sleep on sleep.

[indythoughts-blog]

Anna: I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it. But I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me. Jacob: I like the halves that halve you in half.

It doesn’t feel like this, this thing is gonna go away, it’s always there. - Like Crazy (2011)

[indythoughts-blog]

Praise for Main

I'd like to just  take a quick moment to thank the following places on Main for never letting me down.

Panera Bread, anytime of the day.  Fastest service I've had in my life.  I literally get through the line in seconds, order, get my change, take two steps, and they're all like "RACHEL".

Seriously the best thing.  It's like they know what I'm going to order before I even order it.  And two of their workers have told me I'm pretty.

AND THE PANERA CARD?

Yes, I will take a fruit smoothie.  Yes, I will take an espresso.  Yes, I will take that pastry.  Oh? All for free? FREE BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME BEING YOUR CUSTOMER?

Customer 4evah.

Cal Tor, anytime after midnight.  Chips and queso is heaven on earth anytime between 12 and 2 a.m.  I really don't know what I'd do without it.  But I really don't think I'd eat it any other time..

D.P. DOUGH while intoxicated. YES, I WILL EAT ANY YUMMY THINGS WRAPPED UP AND BAKED IN NOMNOM BREAD even if it means I'll hate myself in the morning.  Oh D.P. Dough.  Nom.

Central Perk, when I'm feeling okay about spending a ridiculous amount of money on myself.  Sometimes I like to pretend I'm Rachel on Friends at that Central Perk, instead of just being me on break between classes in Newark.  Seriously, so delicious though.  And the little ladies at the counter are so foreign and adorable.  GAH.

Kate's on Tuesday. Yes, I will have nachos.  Half price? Don't mind if I do.

5&10 for anything awkward.  Thank you for the wigs, the notebooks, brooms and paper towels.  The posters, book bag, and UD attire.  And the thumbtacks. Thumbtacks and jolly ranchers.  Such a lifesaver.  If they don't have it, nobody has it.

Chee Burger for your milkshakes and adorable sitting.  It reminds me of the diner in Grease.

Margherita's Pizza. Cashier guy, that one time you caught the oven on fire and told me to just grab the slices and go. I love you.  Let's be friends.

Also, you make the best pizza on main, hands down. Thanks for being so tasty.

Taverna for employing me. So I'm not on my br0ke b3tch St@tu$. And for having the best food on main street. But not for making it impossible for me to not spend all of my money on all on all of their delicious foods.

Places I will never go on Main Street.

Indian Sizzler- Self explanatory.

Dunkin' Donuts- Homeless people live on their outdoor seating.  Nobody inside speaks English.  I've ordered one hot chocolate and somehow ended up with an iced raspberry mocha.  Yeah I didn't even know that was a thing.  It probably isn't a thing.

Chipotle - No, you are not worth the 2,000 calories.  Yes, you give me heartburn.

Stay Golden Main.

xoxo,

Indy

[indythoughts-blog]

S/o

I'd like to thank everyone that has so many good things to say about what I have to write about! Even from people who don't have tumblrs and choose to bookmark my page, talk about my page, and encourage others to read my page.  I plan on posting more often, and hope to continue to steal your attention. ;) I'm infatuated with all of the comments I've seen on twitter, and through text to me. You all inspire me to do what I love to do.  To write.

Thank you for the positivity. xoxo,

Indy

[indythoughts-blog]

Grr

I fear a world in which people do not feel they have the ability to express themselves.  I fear a world of lies and manipulation and make believe. I fear a world in which things can be so easily warped and twisted and broken.  I fear a world in which heartbreak and battle exists.  I fear a world in which I do not feel I have my own place. 

I fear the world in which I live.

xoxo

[indythoughts-blog]

It's my bike and I need it now

So this whole walking twenty five minutes to class thing is starting to become a struggle.  My ears and fingers constantly feel like they're going to fall off.  Everyone thinks I'm crying when it's just the wind. I don't have enough layers/don't do well with layers.  My legs are too tiny to straddle puddles on the bridge.  Waking up at 7 a.m. to get to class on time (and be half-way good looking) just can't be an everyday thing.  I have a bike at home, but no way to get it.  I don't have a car to go pick it up, and I'm certainly not walking.  I guess I'll just have to wait until it's nice outside to go to class again. Plausible, right?

I know.

But of course that can't be real life.  I've got a list that belongs to Dean I have to make this semester so I can make cash flow.

But I refuse to walk in such blistering winds at such devastating temperatures.  So how do I make things warmer?

Um.  Make global warming a thing. Duh.

Population and pollution make global warming happen.

UH PERFECT?!?

All we have to do guys is make babies and blow stuff up.  Get to it so we can all be natural bronze babes, soak up the sun, and I can make Dean's list!

xoxo,

Indy

[indythoughts-blog]

376 Reasons I Love Valentine's Day

Okay, I'm not really going to list all 376 reasons.  Actually, if I sat here long enough, I could probably come up with more than that.  And by if I sat here long enough I mean if I had the TIME to sit here long enough, because I totally would go into detail about every single reason if I could.

Alas, I am a full-time college student with hopes to double major and minor, working at a restaurant, writing for The Review, with a room to clean and a cray suite-mate to tend too. (Who I adore btw.)

So here's my number one reason.  And no, it's not because I have a boyfriend, and I love putting a day aside to be lazy and eat chocolate and shower someone I love with little sentimental presents.  That's reason number four.

I love Valentine's Day, because even in a world as cruel and deceiving as ours, we still find time to dedicate an entire 24 hours to the one(s) we love in midst of all the chaos.  It doesn't even have to be a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife.  It can be anyone.  Anyone you love.  Not to be melodramatic, but all I see and all I hear is bad news.

In the words of Jack Johnson:

"Where'd all the good people go? I've been changing channels I don't see them on the TV shows"

They're not on TV, they're not on the news.  I haven't lost hope in our people, I am truly blessed to have found a handful of good people in these short 18 years. I love Valentine's Day because it's a little reminder that there is good in the world.  There is love and there are good people. For an entire day, I get to watch love between millions fill the world.  Even though the good isn't brought to light on television or in the paper as much as it should be, it is for Valentine's Day, right before our eyes.

Main Street was filled with boys carrying flowers, girls carrying cupcakes.  I had the privilege to go out to dinner for Valentine's Day this year with my boyfriend of nine months.  The variety of people at the restaurant was so beautiful. Every table had it's story.  There were first dates, old couples, tables of ten.  Mothers with daughters and daughters with dads. There was a table of thirteen single girls (single, is my assumption) laughing and exchanging and loving each other.  Love is love no matter who shares it. My heart throbbed and filled with joy as I was exposed to and engaging in such a mushfest. (<--- made up word. fest of mushiness)

And this goes for every year.  Ask me if you find me single on Valentine's Day. Do I like pink? No.  Do I find teddy bears cliche'? Yes. Do I think Valentine is an ugly word? Yes.  Is Valentine's Day a good holiday? I'll still tell you I think it's the most beautiful day of the year.

Here's the cutest story from a magazine:

Special Delivery

"My sweet husband, John, and I were married for 46 years.  Each Valentine's Day, he'd send me the most beautiful flowers containing a note with five simple words: 'My love for you grows.'

Four children, 46 bouquets and a lifetime of love were his legacy to me when he passed away two years ago.

"On my first Valentine's Day alone, 10 months after I lost him, I was shocked to receive a gorgeous bouquet addressed to me...from John.  Angry and heartbroken, I called the florist to say there had been a mistake.  The florist replied, 'No, ma'am it's not a mistake.  Before he passed away, your husband prepaid for many years and asked us to guarantee that you'd continue getting bouquets every Valentine's Day.'  With my heart in my throat I hung up the phone and read the attached card.  It said, 'My love for you is eternal.'"

Reason #36 I love Valentine's Day: So stories like this can exist^

Reason #72 I love Valentine's Day: So I have a reason to cry about other people's love.

Valentine's Day tells us to drop the sorrow, drop the pain, ignore the bad and drown in love. Love doesn't go away, love will never leave.  It just grows. I look forward to watching it grow, and feeling it grow every year. Everyday. Between everyone.

xoxo,

Indy

[indythoughts-blog]

Casually drooling over Gosling again.

I wish they were still together in real life.  Not only because they're the cutest couple that's ever been, but so that when he talks about her in interviews, and he says "Rachel" I can pretend he's talking about me.

And because their chemistry is incredible.

[indythoughts-blog]

Reason #386 I'm in love with Ellen DeGeneres.

Ellen can dance out of anywhere.

[indythoughts-blog]

Throwbacks and Tattoos

Since the beginning of time (or at least that's what it feels like) I've wanted a tattoo.  But no matter what I try, something always keeps me from getting one.  I'm too young, shop is too shady, my friend's gets infected and it scares me, someone tells me its a bad idea, I'm intoxicated, Las Vegas was too expensive.  Whatever the reason, I just haven't gotten around to getting one, and it's so frustrating.  I don't know if like, that's God trying to tell me I shouldn't get one, or if I just have bad luck when it comes to (almost) everything.  But here's my little list of tats I thought were/are just SO GREAT, but why I've never gotten around to making it happen.  Some of them, thankGod I didn't get.

Birds on my left shoulder blade at 13.  I didn't get them because my mom told me I wouldn't want them peeping out from behind my wedding dress when I'm older. And I guess another reason could've been because I was too young. Sigh.

"Strength" in Chinese on my wrist at 13. UM. I'm not even Chinese.  Chinese? I guess Chinese was a thing? Maybe I just wanted attention. Why would I ever think Chinese tattoos were okay?  I don't know. Gah.

"Cowboy Take Me Away" on my lower back at 13. I'm like. crying right now.  You have to know this was my favorite Dixie Chick song and I lived in the country.. so I assumed it was fitting.. Don't judge me. I didn't get it because I gave up on looking for a tattoo artist that would tat me without telling my parents. Yes I looked them up.

An anchor on my foot at 14. This I still think would be kind of cute.  A little one on my heel or something. I almost got this one.  My friend's brother owned a tattoo gun.  He put his gloves on and everything, turned on the gun and then I started crying.  Lame. I know.

Flowers on my hip at 15. I wanted pretty daisies. Just because they're my favorite flower.  Nothing creative.

An owl on the back of my neck/top of my spine at 16. During my 'so obsessed with how cute owls are' stage like everyone else was at the time.

"Have Faith" in Italian on my rib cage at 17. But then ohhhhh awkward my ex boyfriend's girlfriend (at the time) had a similar tattoo, ew. Had to throw that to the wind. Like all I needed was for people to say I was copying/trying to be her.

"Love thy enemies" in Hebrew on the inside of my right foot at 18.  It's just something I try to live by. Something I always try to remind myself.  I want to have love for everyone even when it's hard.

"To love something ordinary is beautiful" on my ribcage at 18. It comes from a quote talking about how easy it is to love a rose because a rose is beautiful but how it takes character to love a leaf. "It's easy to love the beautiful but it's beautiful to love the ordinary".  I just kind of fell in love with it, and just reworded it. There's so much to the saying.  But that's the one I couldn't get because I was intoxicated.  Oops.

I probably won't ever get a tattoo.  I'm constantly changing my mind of what I want. Or who knows, maybe I'll get all of them.  At one point each of them was something I wanted.   Besides the Cowboy Take Me Away one. I can't believe that at some point in my life I actually thought that would've been remotely okay.  Like, no.

Thanks for reading,

xoxo,

Don't judge me

[indythoughts-blog]

I Have a Dream Speech

I have a dream, that one day, gas prices will drop below fifty cents

A dream that classes before 10 a.m. will be against the law, and that math will not be a mandatory subject for anyone to take in college besides math majors

I have a dream that one size fits all underwear will one day fit all sizes of women

A dream that eye makeup remover will actually remove all eye makeup

I dream of hundreds of years passing without stories and thoughts of suicide and an end to child obesity

I dream of a strong vodka that actually tastes good and heels that don't hurt your feet

I have a dream to find a way to make hickeys go away over night

I have a dream to find a way to make AIDS go away over night

I have a dream where everyone cares about their health and country

I have a dream where everyone cares about other's health and other countries

I have a dream that Sunday will count as a business day for Forever 21 shipping

A dream that we will all eventually become one race so that there is no racism

I dream that everyone will feel love

I dream that everyone will feel hope

I dream that everyone will feel wanted

I have a dream

[indythoughts-blog]

Everyone Youtube Sea Otters Holding Hands

Adorable.  You won’t regret it.

[indythoughts-blog]

Need for speed, money and cleavage

“It’s the oldest story in the world.  One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday and this is your life.” - Nathan Scott

Bless that man.

When I was 12, all I wanted was to be 18.  I remember.  I hated everything (which ended up only being my hormones, SURPRISE) and created this magically perfect “someday” in my head, “someday” to 12-year-old me was when I would finally be 18.  I remember.

WHEN I’M EIGHTEEN I’M MOVING OUT.

I HATE SCHOOL. WHEN IS GRADUATION. SIX YEARS IS TOO LONG.

Why don’t boys like me?  They’ll like me when I’m older and more developed.

I can’t wait to have cleavage.

I can’t wait to get tattoos.

I can’t wait to drive and make money and buy whatever I want.

When will I be eighteen?

And here I am, 18 and wishing I was 21 (for a number of reasons of course). ;)

I remember when I was fourteen, I actually wanted to leave my house so bad I made a countdown calendar BY THE DAY.

I know it’s a big number now, but everyone says time flies. Thousands will turn to hundreds.  Hundreds will turn to tens.  Then before I know it I’m eighteen.  I can do whatever I want.

For the past year I have been living what was to me at one point “someday”.  And just as I assumed, I’m not living at home (hardly at all anyway), I drive, have a job, my diploma and cleavage.

Why didn’t anyone tell me about all of the things in between?

I ignored all of them.  The little things.  Why.  They weren’t blown up to me.  No one made them a big deal.  And so I didn’t pay attention to them.  All I did was keep my eye on the “prize” of finally being an “adult” and “doing whatever I want”. All of the “fun” is marked on a timeline of age and all I did was wait around for the age to come instead of taking advantage of the age I was at.

I would do anything now to not have a job, drive on the same road as idiots and well actually I don’t mind that I was blessed with the ability to have cleavage, but there’s a whole lot about 18 I don’t like.

As an 18 year old I’m held at such a double standard.  I pay taxes, but have a curfew. I pay for gas, but I can’t go anywhere I want.  I can adopt a kid, vote for the President of our country, get married, work forty hour weeks but I can’t pour myself a glass of wine. (legally)

Rated R movies, cleavage and driving aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.  And those are about the only things I took advantage of once I turned eighteen.  Nothing special.  Just expensive.

The special things, I’ve been neglecting. 

Basically, what I’m saying is, I keep looking into the horizon, picturing this “someday” and “someday” keeps showing up and it’s nothing how I’d imagine it’d be.  I’m letting myself down with each marking point I reach, because all I do once I reach it, is look onto the next one.

So here’s to focusing on today, not wishing my life away.  When I’m old (and hopefully good-looking)  I want to look back and remember more than just me wishing I was older and somewhere else.

Things to get done before I’m 21:

Take as many visits as I can to Africa. whether it’s to teach, preach, build, help Mal-nutrition babies, color with kids, do yoga, weave baskets I don’t care.  I have a need to help.  I need to do it there.

Become a certified yoga instructor.  Actually, I’m working on this already.  I think this is something I can do before twenty, and that’s still my goal, but I should definitely have it by twenty-one.

Have soda cut out FOR LIFE.  Out. Completely.  I’ve given up soda for my New Years Resolution and I’ve already seen a ridiculous amount of change in my body (skin, bloating, eating habits, etc.) and I want it to stay that way.

Run for cancer.  I’ve always wanted to do one of those 3 day 60 mile runs for cancer. Cancer or diabetes.

See Jack Johnson live. A girl can dream.

Here’s to someday  today.

[indythoughts-blog]

Hi. I'm obsessed with you.  Stop touring in Hawaii and give this east coast fan of yours a chance to be granted with your presence. Pretty please.

[indythoughts-blog]

To Identify or not to identify myself as a raging feminist

I've been taking this women studies course for a little bit now, and I'm wondering if I myself am a feminist.  I love women.  I do.  They're the most beautiful creatures in existence.  However, while feminists demand equality (which I totally do) they in turn demand segregation (ehhh), and it, quite frankly, baffles me. 

Feminists want all of the same opportunities as men to eliminate hierarchy over women they may have, and make everyone the same.

However, at the same time, during the encouragement to make us all the same, some (all the feminists I know), ignore the fact that men are still expected to act differently, and be responsible of things that are "manly duties".  Men are to hold certain roles in relationships and in the real world that women don't have to meet, that a lot of women would rather not meet.  They (we?) are held to the standards that they (we?) want to be held at.  Is this fair?

For example:

In a straight relationship it's "normal" (according to the media, most books, manners, tradition) for men to:

Hold car doors for women.

Pick girls up for dates.

Propose.

Pick up tabs at dinner (particularly first dates).

Pay for movie tickets.

Etc.

Should this be something women do now?  It might just be me (probably is), but if I saw a woman, get out of a driver seat of a car and walk around to open the passenger door for a man, I'd probably laugh, feel confused, and shocked (unless the man was crippled or something).  I'd be appalled by this.  I think there's a reason I haven't seen this yet before in my life.  It's because (a good handful of) women believe, and have always been taught, that they shouldn't wait hand and foot on anyone but themselves.  Is this wrong?  If they (we?) want all the same privileges as men should they (we) then take on the same challenges, responsibilities, and boldness as men do in a relationship?  If not is this a double standard?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, what's a "man's job" anymore if they (we?) want to all be the same?

Some other things I've found appalling about (what I call raging) feminists, is their ideas of men in general.  They don't want women to be capped into one thing, one category. There are some feminists that demand individuality yet they often group men into the same category.

"All men are rapists and that's all they are." Marilyn French, Author; (later, advisor to Al Gore's Presidential Campaign.) Um. What? I didn't know Marilyn French knew all the men on Earth.

"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." Catherine MacKinnon

Um. Double what.

I love sex.  I love men.  Does that mean I'm not a feminist?

I'd like to know if the Catherine MacKinnon character is still a virgin.

I don't agree with what either of these ladies have to say.  What does this make me?

I'm all about rape culture awareness, equality in the workplace, pro-activeness and acknowledging the potential of women.  It's just.  I don't think I could ever see myself as a woman that stands outside shaking her fist in front of the white house with a homemade sign elaborating on how abusive men are and how entitled I am to things I want.  And to be honest, I don't think this makes me not a feminist. 

I don't know what would made me "not a feminist".  To what extent do I have to agree or disagree with what all the other feminists are saying?

"When a crowd adopts a point of view en masse, all critical thinking stops." —William Powers

Just something to think about ^

It's almost like, feminists can easily be (mis)interpreted as pushy, bossy, bitchy people that it's hard to identify yourself as one if you aren't up to par with the fist-shaking-men-suck-give-me-what-I-want attitude(so many?) feminists obtain.

It's easier to blame someone else than it is to blame yourself.

Maybe it's just because I don't like/have never had things handed to me.  If I got a job solely because they needed more women in their line of work and there were men more qualified than me for the job, I wouldn't take it, I'd find it insulting.  I want to earn my place in this world by doing a little more than throwing a fit to everyone else and throwing around the discrimination card.

Basically I don't know what characteristics compile a "feminist".

I think some people identify themselves as feminists, when they probably couldn't even define the word "feminism". 

A guy said to me the other day "Yeah, I'm a feminist.  I just love women.  I think they should have what we have and stuff.  Plus Ryan Gosling is a feminist and he gets bitches so I mean if I'm a feminist I will too.  Bitches love feminist dudes."

You get what I'm trying to say.

To sum it up, I'm a week into this class and there's only two things I know for sure. I love women.  And I love men too.

I'm sure I'll have more to say about this throughout the semester.

Well that's my rant.

Until next time,

xoxo

Indy