inflatingnblue

[inflatingnblue]

Anyone have some words of wisdom regarding body image? It's been difficult to accept my body as is, especially since I used to be smaller. Lipedema puts this huge question mark over my body size and weight.

Before I was diagnosed it didn't matter if I ate clean or not. The look on a naturopath's face when my body didn't respond like everyone else's did to her program. ("This has never not worked!") I showed her my food diary and I was like please tell me what I'm doing wrong and she said you're not doing anything wrong. 💀

So yeah, I can remove gluten, sugar, and dairy and not lose weight. Of course that attempt was some years ago so maybe this time my body would respond, but then that just gets my restrictive eating disorder excited to jump in and "help."

I feel extremely stuck. The people who I've talked to on here have been complimentary of my body, which I appreciate. I have to figure out how to validate myself though. It kind of feels like I'm giving up if I'm nice to myself. I try self compassion, but it's so hard to stick with and it feels wrong. As if I'll be nice to myself once I lose weight. 😂😭

[inflatingnblue]

I've shared with some people on here that throughout my life I tend to run into things that have references to Willy Wonka or Violet. Seriously this week alone I've had two things pop up in YT videos and I'm like again?! 😂🫐😈

One that happened a lot when I was a kid was coming upon Willy Wonka playing somewhere (like at a store) and Violet’s scene is on the screen. 💀

Does anyone else experience running into their kink/kink related things out of nowhere? My heart would stop all the time as a kid. I find it more amusing nowadays.

[inflatingnblue]

Customizer

Slow down, fatten up

Hm~ wonder what this program does...

Don't expect to see this level of video effort often 😂

[inflatingnblue]

I mean... yeah, what else is new. 🤷🏻‍♀️

you’re not ugly, you’re just fat.

[inflatingnblue]

STORYTIME! I'm horrible at jumping. Apparently when I was four I couldn't jump off the floor with both feet. I guess it looked more like skipping in place or doing a weird dance. 😂 I'm not athletic either so jumping is just not in the cards for me and it never has mattered if i was big or small.

I've done musical theater before. In one show a few dance partners were near the front of the stage doing choreography. One move was the girl jumping in place and the guy lifting the girl through the jump. I was in one of those lucky pairs (I LOVE to dance). My partner was taller than me and unfortunately didn't have much upper body strength. The girls were told to push down on the guys shoulders to help with the jump/lift. Again tall guy... so I couldn't push down well enough, I can't jump for crap and the guy can't lift me for crap either. I was not getting much height at all so of course the director points it out. All of the other partners are doing it just fine, everyone looks great. I practiced and practiced and practiced and it just wasn't working. The choreographer ends up comparing me to this other girl who was the size I used to be before gaining weight and basically telling me how great she can do it. Her partner was I think 6'5" (at least) and looked like a lumberjack. He was BUILT. The choreographer had me practice with him once. Of course he was way too tall for me to push down on his shoulders, but being a built guy he was strong enough to lift me through my jump. (Which was astonishing to me since at the time I saw myself as humongous.) I didn't learn anything by practicing with him because I didn't really do anything different. But this choreographer would constantly say look at how Jill (name change) does the jump and she gets the most height. I told the choreographer I'm not good at jumps. I wasn't making an excuse, I was trying to explain I need some extra help learning this part. Well she had a bad day or something because in one of the evening emails (we'd get production notes via email) she completely went off on me for making excuses for not being able to jump "and yadda yadda yadda." I kid you not she said "yadda" and called me out in front of the entire cast and production crew. I was already embarrassed I wasn't doing it well and tying it to my size as part of the problem. So, yeah, please make this feel like a teen movie and go off about it in front of everyone, confirming for everyone I'm the heffer they already think I am (no one has ever called me a heffer btw, just my ED). Since my dance partner was a competitive dancer, he could jump with ease and we tweaked our part with him jumping up in the air versus me. And then the story ends with me fracturing my ankle after the first week of shows because I'm clumsy and the choreographer taking my place and not being able to jump very high and the director not making any comments and me later finding out Jill didn't make any effort to jump at all during that part because she's tiny and her partner is a lumberjack.

TLDR; aw, this cat failed this jump attempt and is adorable for it. BTW I'm a heffer and can't jump worth beans. K bye!

[inflatingnblue]

Girlll you're absolutely adorable <33 omgg

You make such a good blueberry too 💙

Oh you're sweet. I appreciate the compliment. And yeah, that'd be something to actually blow up!

Love your username btw. Donuts are so yummy, especially creme filled ones (not Boston cream, the other cream lol).

[inflatingnblue]

Why can't I look this elegant and beautiful when I'm tired and everything feels like it's falling apart? 😂 Actually... why can't I look this elegant and beautiful in general? 🤣

If anyone needs to paint a woman who's awkward and just kind of so-so, I'm here! I can also cry really ugly if desired. 😭

[inflatingnblue]

A lil (ha) something I drew.

[inflatingnblue]

Thoughts on BMI?

I know it's crap since it was created by a mathematician and not meant as measurement of health.... But sometimes it seems the range is appropriate? Like if someone has a low BMI they may actually be underweight and unhealthy. Or if someone has a high BMI, they might actually have excess weight that's unhealthy.

According to BMI, I'm obese and it really bothers me. I had finally gotten to the overweight range when I relapsed, but in 2024 I gained weight and I don't know why. If I was overeating or binging I'd have something concrete to point to and work on that. I know some of my weight is the lipedema fat that's not going anywhere, but that fat was already there in 2023 while maintaining my weight. There are plenty of people with lipedema who are at a normal BMI. I used to be at a normal BMI before I started having lipedema flare ups, but I didn't know that's what I was experiencing.

I still struggle with the idea that being fat is a personal moral failing. That I'm doing something wrong and I'm not trying hard enough. That people who've known me for a long time just think I've let myself go and am lazy. That I'm not attractive or beautiful (not that I thought I was necessarily attractive or beautiful when I was smaller, just that I'm really not now). That no one will like me because I'm not thin. And so on.

It's hard to know if my BMI is accurate for me because it's not a reliable tool for every body. I don't know how not to care. Numbers still rule my world and it's disappointing I'm not further in my recovery journey.

Anyway, thanks for reading this rambling post if you got this far.

[inflatingnblue]

I just can't. 😂🤣😹😸 The look this cat gives at every stage is perfect.

Looks fascinated and bored at the same time

[inflatingnblue]

GUYS. This morning I was still a bit puffy, but I'm wearing my leggings/compression and they're high waisted. I'm still chubby, but it doesn't look too bad. (Right?)

I've only drank coffee and water today, I haven't eaten anything. I didn't drink a huge amount either, but look... My compression isn't containing my tummy. It's like I'm blowing up for real... 😬😳

[inflatingnblue]

Wow, you get big. What do you like about inflating?

Are the stretch marks from inflating? Or did your weight change? I didn't realize people could get stretch marks from inflating if that is the reason.

I've always loved the feeling and the look of being inflated til I'm ready to pop. Was always an oddly satisfying feeling of expanding within minutes and looking ready to explode if I moved wrong 😂 over the years my weight has fluctuated some but yes it's possible to get stretch marks from inflating cause of the constant intense built up pressure forcing your skin to bulge out.

[inflatingnblue]

Okay, so... Roald Dahl, the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What is up with this dude? 😂

How did he come up with these ideas for punishing kids?

Did he hate gum chewing so much that he gave Violet the worst punishment?

Why did he choose to inflate her? Maybe because you blow bubbles with gum, that's the only thing I can think of.

When did interest in inflation begin? I'm sure people were already attracted to bigger body types.

Was the idea of inflation already a thing and then became more popular because of the book and movies?

[inflatingnblue]

Oof, that's unfortunate of it being complicated. Would it be okay to dm to chat about inflation? (Looking for inflation friends/friends in general to chat about inflation and such)

Sure. Feel free to DM. 😊

[inflatingnblue]

Would you ever try inflation with an air pump through the other end?

I'm rather hesitant about that. Also, my husband isn't aware with my fascination and that makes it a bit more complicated.

[inflatingnblue]

Do you like irl belly inflation too?

Yes. I've only done air inflation, pumped through the mouth though. I prefer the idea of inflation versus bloating, but at the moment bloating is easier.

[inflatingnblue]

Hm... if this applied to humans I'd probably be "A Heckin Chonker." Of course the kitties look way cuter when they're chonky. 😂😸

See, chonky cats know how to live life. 🤣