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Introverted Polyamory

Is it possible to be both introverted and open to multiple intimate relationships?

At times my introversion feels subconscious. I find myself longing to socialize and meet new people while simultaneously dreading interaction with anyone other than my cat and local takeout. There's a deep resistance to sharing interpersonal energy. Why is this? I believe it has to do with constant "work" and a standardized expectation to perform in a certain way. I want to introverted openly and lovingly. It's fun to feel recharged. Recharging helps me share more than overexerting. I want to be well. Rather than being asked to constantly socialize in a certain extroverted way I'd rather be asked how my introverted boundaries can be supported. Extroverts seem to share both space and energy and that can be draining for introverts. Similarly, extroverts would feel depleted in solitude. Boundaries have two sides that must be faced.

Face it: how do you recharge?

It's possible to be polyamorous and introverted because introverted poly folx exist. Our pods and constellations can mirror our social reality. Like a window, if your reality is having an open heart that sometimes needs to draw its' curtains there are others out there that can honor your needs. You can honor their needs. You deserve requited love that's charged with understanding space to give and receive love.

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Centripetal Acceleration

Joy is weightless. It's forces' grounding yet endlessly accelerating. When we choose to love, to connect, we choose to surrender to flight and fall. The highs and lows of loves' call and presence spiraling immeasurably. Pulling us down, lifting us up, liberating.

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Depression vs Expansion

Can we expand out of depression? The more I learn about depression, the world and myself the more I learn what needs to be healed, why it should be healed and how I can get there....get to healing...get to feeling "okay" and able to believe in joy again.

Belief can soothe shame. Does depression make you feel ashamed of yourself? Believe you deserve better than continual shame. You deserve contentment and happiness because you were born. Peace, a type of acceptance or stillness...a type of ceasing or death toward transformation...is your birthright. May your depression die lol. Death is a door like belief is a door. We're not sure what's on the other side of depression, belief, happiness and yet still they all exist.

We have choices to make: do we want to fearlessly or fearfully open the doors of our lives?

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Keep Falling, Keep Rising, Keep Being

Oh to grow through a situation that smells like, feels like, shit. Like a seedling emerging through layers of organic matter toward the sun...toward warmth, knowing when not to, to breathe around obstacles and give life to surrounding lifeforms. We are connected. If connections were currency: something that kept us alive and well, would our systems be socialist? How can we relate to one another and maybe even help catch others as they fall and hug them as they rise. To be there after they fall or when days feel mundane. To want to be there for those we love regardless.

It's okay to fall, falling can mean you're trying.

Is it easier to seek safety in stillness? Do we fall and change locations to be still elsewhere? Are we simultaneously moving and still?

Oh to grow and know that falling is part of our story as much as getting back up. May we not be ashamed of bruises acquired along the way. May we laugh at our slips and dance in our discomfort. May we learn and grow as vines climb and know when to change shape.

To being, peacefully, blissfully.

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Remembering Love

Have you ever forgotten to breathe?

Love: like the ability to breathe autonomously, eat a good meal, help a friend, share time with a kind mother or nights with a passionate partner. Love is all around us and takes many forms. Love is in natures very design, like a tree breathing life into you and I...something is choosing to take care of things. Is "taking care of" an expression of love?

Is breathing easy?

The Indo-European root word for love (leubh) means to care or desire. Do you believe someone out there desires you? Someone out there desires giving and receiving care from someone just like you. Beyond the physical world, I believe care is spiritual. Care is breath as love is living.

If you can breathe, may you find gratitude, love and be loved. May each breath you inhale and exhale remind you of how loved you are within and without.

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Being Enough

When is enough actualized?

Can enough be at the edge of daring to be or not to?

How do we follow an incomplete map of its' stars?

Move forward, eyes hold space-hands, heads turned to an abundance possible?

Is being enough possible?

Maybe, enough is actually believing enough.

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Answering Depression

Receiving a MDD (major depressive disorder) diagnosis felt like answering the call from a persistent Unknown Caller.

My neuro-cellular phone would ring off the hook: *ring* Private Number *ring* Unknown Caller until I'd finally induce do not disturb mode with a drink or ten.

For years I ignored this relentlessly ominous caller because why answer an unknown identity? Well, the moment I answered life itself shifted after hearing their whisper. To my surprise the caller was kind of sweet, timid and longing for someone to listen. Their name is Depression and it was an honor to meet. At last there was enough emotional, mental & physical space to share a conversation. Answering Depressions' call saved my life and changed the way I perceive a valued term: eudaimonia.

For me, well being begins with acceptance. Recognizing negative thoughts, inhibiting habits & depressive states has helped me understand my intrinsic landscape. It's like sadness is related to grief as depression is related to denial. In order to be happy I have to answer Joy as much as Depression. Answering helps me recognize what's present more than absent. To process through depressive states we must accept, like a phone call, where they begin and end...and why?

With open ears and hearts it's my hope that those suffering from MDD can understand the strength in their journey. It takes strength to confront the unknown. I implore you to let curiosity guide you to answering when your mind, body or soul gives you a ring. *ring, ring!*

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Blessed to experience solidarity, for a moment and Spirit willing this energy keeps building. Calling on love and understanding in this time of mourning. RIP to bodies taken unjustly, we see you and your memory fuels movements.

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LETS TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND!!🙌🏻🙌🏼🙌🏽🙌🏾🙌🏿

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All Black Lives Matter.

Rest in peace to George Floyd. Rest in peace to all the lives that have been stared in the face and spat on. I am a Black American. I once was ashamed and fed into to the system of white supremacy. No one is immune to Americas programing at birth. We grow and our individual journey reveals truths that make to sense to us. Those truths maybe shunned by family and friends but it feels valuable enough to live by. An example of that truth is that Black lives matter. Men, women, gay, straight, fluid folk, queer, mixed...they all matter. With #intersectionality we are able to view discrimination from above and see disparities on a type of richter scale. Colorism is factor. Socioeconomics. Sex. Identification/lifestyle. Ability (Deaf/hard hearing). Age. Psyche. The list goes on. I feel a challenge is addressing many issues at once; we need a final blow to white supremacy that encapsulates all marginalised folk. Shew, this is a thought to reach resolution based on the good of all or not at all. No solution is easy and history seems to be posted by a replay button begging for encores. We will contine to rise amongst unfathomable odds. Bless you!

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An urge not to urge

Lifes irony is like an intricate design. Like lace, it twists and swirls with frequent transparency. Isn't it ironic that I want what I don't and crave what's not meant for me? I try to force thoughts in to submission when letting them go is an option. Using too much caution. The competition that is survival defeats some with an enormous blow. Unable to carry on, we wish for something more but apply the feeling of nothing matters..we all die anyway; there's no where to go. Or a good moment begging to last, then is cut off by some ironic demoralizing task. Being TOO happy..TOO sad..TOO alive: those things can lead to a troublesome end..is it a decpetive intent, perception and consciousness that causes such an end? What will the end look like when it begins again? Will it be lit up, like all those exploding-glimmering stars up there where a horizon ceases to bend?

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Chakras are as simple as this :)

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ART: Vibration Mirror by Fredrik Skatar

Shapes of water are constantly generated all around us, too fast for the human eye to perceive. The Vibration mirror is a sculpture where time has been stopped to materialize the complex geometry of intersecting water ripples. 

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Artist Georgette Seabrooke in 1930s documentary, A Study of Negro Artists.

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Lilli Lehmann - How to Sing, 1902.

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