inneskeeper-receipts - Tumblr blog

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Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy

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people when trauma victims act traumatized especially in a way that is unpalatable to them because it involves lashing out and unpredictable moods and having boundary issues rather than just being demure, sad, and consumable

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I recently had some people message me letting me know that innes had changed their blog's title and bio to something concerning. I think this happened on the 12th of September? this is what it was changed to:

obviously, the intent was to imply that innes was suicidal & blame me for it, with an implication that they were going to actually do something to hurt themselves. this is an example of coercive suicide. innes has gone through multiple tactics trying to silence me, ranging from lies to legal threats, this is just the most extreme example. sorry for my flat tone but I'm frankly just disgusted, as when we were together they made a very big deal about how using threats of suicide to manipulate someone was a deal-breaker for them, which I remember because I really related to them saying that, since I've had past abusers threaten suicide when I tried to leave or hold them accountable. I guess we really weren't playing with the same deck of cards.

anyway, as of the 30th of september, innes is has changed their title, bio, and icon again:

some folks were concerned about their well-being but I had a sense from the phrasing of the first bio change that something was up. As it would turn out, Innes has been active in the Lake Mojave Historical Preservation Society discord server regularly throughout their absence on tumblr, is working on setting up their own server after the dissolution of their blogger/streamer collective, & has also apparently been streaming on twitch. in other words it's a manipulation tactic, always has been.

as well, they have deleted their original discord account & remade:

(trying to use messages I've screenshotted prior on here, just to show that it is a deleted account now)

& proof of the new account being their's.

report & block as usual

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Interesting that when it’s only one person who comes forwards with a rape or abuse allegation against a famous male celebrity, it’s “oh it’s only one person, if it were true there’d be a pattern!”, yet when MULTIPLE people come forward with these allegations it’s suddenly “a coordinated attack to silence someone speaking the truth/for money/for attention” - it’s almost as if people don’t give a fuck about victims and just want to defend their faves as well as excuse their own shitty behaviour.

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no but being told to use your communication coping skills when talking to abusive people is bullshit. abusers do not listen to their victims no matter how reasonable we are.

like. anything that shows we're an individual with thoughts and feelings is going to make an abuser double down. using "i feel" statements isn't going to help if your abuser lashes out at you for showing feelings. speaking calmly isn't going to help if your abuser is threatening you. gently stating what you need isn't going to help if your abuser neglects even your simplest needs.

also so many of us hide our anger and rage. we dont speak our mind, because it's dangerous. it's the most threatening thing to an abuser... but it's also the most empowering for us. anger is the feeling that tells us something is wrong, and we need to embrace it. because our anger is not the danger - our abuser's reaction to it is, and that reaction is not our fault.

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‘Do not harass anyone.’

Yeah how’d that work out

if innes is not responsible for the abuse he dealt to me, if innes is not responsible for the death threats I have received for talking about what they put me through, then I struggle to believe that this is my fault for talking about my experiences, frankly. why do you people only give a fuck about this when it's abuse survivors talking about their experiences? why do you always want us to shut up? why do you always want to protect the people that fucked us up? it is disgusting.

I have years of severe psychological damage from him I'm only just starting to unravel, have had to deal with the stress of trying to come forward about a largely popular blogger being an abusive and frankly dangerous person, on top of dealing with harassment from his fans.

Innes gets anon hate sometimes.

I think there is maybe an incongruence in the level of harm being done here?

+ innes could easily have stopped responding to any messages or comments about this, delete those comments, not link to this blog, ultimately could've just logged off. I can't log off from my PTSD. he didn't do those things because he feeds off of the attention.

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theyre now implying that you faked the screenshots but without actually saying you did.

Did you? The fact they were going to sue you and then changed their mind makes me think you didn't fake them, but it's dead easy to fake a discord screenshot so I don't know what to think.

No, these are all real. It would have taken a lot of time and creativity on my part to fake the sheer amount on here, and I really haven't had that sort of time to spare.

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I have a few final posts from things I found in my drafts that I think are relevant & important. After that, I'm done.

I'll answer asks from time to time if they're not needlessly inflammatory, and be responsive to messages, but after these last few posts I'm done posting.

Tearing the bandage off and seeing just how bad it is was important, is important to my healing. But baring my trauma and posting screenshots of intimate conversations between myself and my abuser on here is a lot to handle, emotionally.

I've had trouble eating and sleeping at times because of the stress. I've had death threats from his audience because of his claims that I'm lying. Innes asked those people to delete those comments/not say them, not because it's fucked up to threaten someone like that, but because "if I have to take this to court it will look bad", so I'm done with that bullshit.

Innes has since deleted those posts altogether.

archive

I don't believe I'd thought to archive the other post he made wherein he cried about my post with screenshots of the time he initially brought up his zoophilia, which is where the death threats were. I kind of just expected him to keep them up, honestly. But dirty deleting seems about right for Innes and their character.

Again. Don't bother interacting with Innes. The attention is exactly what they want. They will never hold themselves accountable for abusing me, for spreading misinformation, for outright lying, for anything. Report, block, and move on with your life.

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this was the 26th of january 2021 btw

How was I supposed to move on when, up until I cut him off, he was pulling shit like this? I begged for him to just give me a solid, unwavering answer, I begged for closure that he refused to give me. One day he'd act like we were strangers, and the next he was sending shit like this.

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it’s so fucked up that innes mythologized my DID like this. I participated bc I didn’t know any better, having grown up in online circles which heavily normalized “spiritual” or “intentional” plurality, but in hindsight “I have a god in my head” is a huge fucking red flag

Ammet wasn’t a “walk-in”, he was a fragment who took over because we were in extreme crisis. he’s probably either integrated with someone or is dormant now that the situation has passed & we don’t need him as much. good fuckin lord

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this was sometime after the hookup app screenshot incident.

Said I was done here, but I was going through some old drafts and found this post. I think a lot of it is telling.

It's fucked up how the moment I dared to call into question the legitimacy of anything he said or did, he'd flip out and act like I was calling him a villain or monster or whatever when this entire time I haven't been saying that at all. That's not really a normal fucking behavior or response. I wish I'd known.

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I no longer feel safe interacting with 99% of the people in my own mental health community because of Innes, because I have no idea if people are lying in order to pull shit like this again. And at the time I went along with and even encouraged it because I had really weird, not mainstream beliefs, which Innes knew of. I was in the process of stepping away from kinblr after spending most of my teenage and young adult years on there, I had been a pop culture pagan in the past, that sort of thing.

The way Innes spoke about this shit made me really want to believe it. It was so interesting and well-thought-out, and in conjunction with Innes deciding he was my mentor wrt fae shit, I was sucked into his lore fast.

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Honestly I find it really telling that Innes threatened to sue you if you continued, and then upon seeing that you continued posting and weren't scared of him, immediately did a 180 and went "Haha it's fine I'm not upset anymore I just think this is funny!!!"

Like, it makes it SO clear that he was only doing that to terrorize and stress you out further in an attempt to control and silence you, because he knows that if he does go to a lawyer they're going to rule in YOUR favor, and if anything he would get into legal trouble.

Agreed.

That's pretty much exactly what my therapist said. I had a session with her right after (I think literally the day after?) he made that threat. I learned it's a common tactic with abusers when their target goes public with what they went through.

I got insanely lucky and have the best therapist I've ever had. She herself has CPTSD like me, & has been in multiple abusive relationships, so she understands personally. I just really, really lucked out (and wish the same energy upon everyone tbh!!!)

When I brought up the legal threat, she told me she went through the same thing with one of her abusers. It wouldn't be an immediate "we're sending you to jail" type of deal. There is a process, & you can't sue someone for defamation/libel if what they are saying is true. Any decent lawyer would laugh.

I've been educating myself on abuse a lot lately, and the more I learn the more I realize that the roots of abuse in that relationship ran very, very deep. Things that upset me, like him flip-flopping and promising we were going to live together while putting in 0 effort to make that a reality, I thought I was wrong for being upset about that. It turns out that's called future faking and I have every right to be upset, hurt, and fucked up about it.

It was real, and it was bad. Other people like my friends, my therapist, and even y'all being supportive, validating, and seeing innes for what they are genuinely helps to ground me. After the relationship ended, I had a psychotic break and it was very scary. I think it was because of the immense stress I was under. I was just... gone, for lack of better description. A lot of that period is just a black hole.

When it comes to the shit I was experiencing, I remember thinking my mother's ghost was coming to get me, hearing voices in my noise machine, seeing people who weren't there, hearing people calling my name who said nothing. I had some sort of delusion, I think, but I can't access that memory. It's scary-- Because of that + my dissociative disorder there are a lot of things about the relationship I outright forgot until this year when I found paperwork from my storage unit + looked at old chat logs and realized it was so, so much worse than I'd remembered. Guess I had my own disco elysium moment there,,

Sorry for the long and somewhat off-topic chatter, I get rambley sometimes.

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