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oops I accidentally separated myself emotionally from everyone to avoid feeling any bad feelings & it worked but at the expense of my sense of connectedness and belonging

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at least theres still listening to music while staring at the ceiling

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u survive literally every single event in your life & still every time a new event happens you feel like this is the event that will kill you and that you will never move on from but actually you will continue to survive like you always have bc u have a 100% win rate of surviving events. btw

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anyone else feel a deep crushing sense of loneliness or what

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Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Robert Sherrod featured in The Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn

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i wonder if you dream about me. no, i wonder if i appear in your dreams as an apparition. on the edges of your vision, of your mind. pouring you coffee in a cafe, holding the door for you, passing you on the street. i wonder if i'm a fragment regurgitated. vestigial but true and maybe the purest you'll ever see me.

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Im never alone the dull hum of everything always stays with me

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Might fuck around and create a fantasy world in my mind to distract myself from the pressures of reality.

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4.48 Psychosis, Sarah Kane

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digging nails into skin

let blood seep through

pain coloring this numbness

filling this hole in my chest

i don’t know what to call this emptiness anymore

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Sylvia Plath, from “Elm.”

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An absence so heavy it becomes a presence

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i hope you’re interested in me too

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Maybe it’s better to have the terrible times first. I don’t know. Maybe then, you can have, if you live, a better life, a real life, because you had to fight so hard to get it away⸺you know?⸺from the mad dog who held it in his teeth. But then your life has all those tooth marks, too, all those tatters and all that blood.

James Baldwin  This morning, this evening, so soon  

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I'm like a winged creature who is too rarely allowed to use its wings.

Anaïs Nin, in a diary entry written c. January 1943 featured in The Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1939-1944