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[inwishfulthinking]

2019

It’s the last day of 2019, So many things has happened. I traveled a lot this year. I’ve met new friends and lost some too. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions. The ups and downs of life literally jolted and manhandled me this year. Even though a lot has happened... I’m very thankful for everyone and everything that has happened to me. I’ve woken up in different places, I’ve went to bed in different sceneries. I looked up the stars, listened to the waves crashing, I’ve shot so many people again this year. Every single one, I am thankful for. I really am. This year was really a year of lessons and I just can’t help but look back at the good moments. It was really a good year. 

[inwishfulthinking]

It's Been 2 Months

I can't seem to express properly how I really feel. It was once your smile, your touch that I've been pulled too deep into whatever vortex this suspension of worlds has been. I dream about you, I say your name involuntarily. I take scenarios and wish that sometimes it could be real but it's not. In the effervescence of youth and poor choice of alcohol... I try to emulate what maturity can do. It's hard, hard to really get past you. It's hard to not even reply to you but, I should really move on because you have no idea what I'm feeling for you. I know you don't care, I know I'm just another person in your pool of friends. I know... I should know. I hope the day you decide on someone, we wouldn't have connections anymore.

[inwishfulthinking]

A pull of the heart

I remember how a pull of the heart once felt. A pull, the drive to get up on their feet and an endless need to sate this pull of the heart. I once dreamed to be an artist. I still dream that dream. As the years pass by... It's hard to actually keep the drive to go on and fulfill that dream. The pull of the heart, the start of something new, the giddy sensation of knowing that you're about to do something great -- is slowly fading away. How can one actually get that back? How to stand up and feel the need to push and walk closer to the dream one said. Is it really that hard? or am I slowly being eaten by the endless wave of reality.

[inwishfulthinking]

Nowhere & No One

There’s no else I can talk to. No one to spill my inner thoughts to. I’ve been destructive for over a year and a half. I’ve never truly told anyone else why I’ve been feeling like this. I may put on a smile. Talk to you, like I have no care in the world but, when early morning strikes and I’m all alone... No one can really see or hear the cries. The amount of sadness I’m feeling cannot be even expressed in words. I’m raw and vunerable. I don’t know who I am anymore. Wether be in my dreams or who I am currently. I’m like an unused blank piece of paper. Everyday thinning and thinning and one day might just turn into nothing.

[inwishfulthinking]

The Deed is Done

Taking the hilt of knife, I stabbed myself 4 times. I tried to watch the blood flow out my body. Taking the effervescence of life in a pool of blood. I was swimming in my own, I was grinning softly and at the fourth stab, I threw the knife to the door. Unexpectedly the hilt and the sharp metal separated, and the hilt was left in my stained hands.