isaiahwrites

[isaiahwrites]

We matter.

It’s been a long time, since I’ve brought myself to type anything/write anything.. any of that.. years. There is a lot going on in the world right now and I don’t even know where to start, this piece is going to cater to a specific group of people, my people.

In the last week alone, there have been 3 shootings I believe in the GTA, 3 days in a row, all leaving someone slain.. and south of the border a police officer murdered a harmless black man, suffocating him by forcibly pressing his knee on his neck until the point of passing. A forged cheque resulted in being held down by 4 officers to his point of death, please tell me, why ? An unarmed and harmless man was dealt with in such animosity? Why ? It doesn’t make sense to me and it never will. George Floyd, Dimarjio Jenkins, and others slain in this past week. May you rest in peace, and may your souls live on forever.

A few months ago, Ahmaud Arbery was out for a jog and was stopped and murdered by two white men, FOR NO REASON, what is causing fear about a man jogging, minding his business, there is nothing about that, that poses as a threat. Make it make sense. Please cause I don’t understand.

For years and years, harmless black men and women have been murdered for NOTHING. Whether their leaving a 7/11 with an Arizona and Skittles, playing loud music, vibing out with your friends on new years eve, leaving a convenience store minding their own business, being choked to death after proclaiming multiple times that they can’t breathe... and the list goes on. It’s extensive. Once again, why?

Why does this keep on happening? I don’t get it anymore. Our skin colour is not a weapon, it is not something that one should fear, so stop treating us in that manner. When will it end ? I am tired, constant loss of my brothers and my sisters, it’s draining. I don’t know any of these people and the pain is piercing as if they were my blood, cause in reality, we are all connected in someway to our brothers and sisters. The pain is universal. We all feel it.

In the movie the hate you give, Khalil, is pulled over by a cop, as he follows order to leave the car and such, he reaches in his car to get his HAIRBRUSH, and the officer mistakes the brush for a weapon and opens fire, murdering Khalil to only realize as he walks up to the deceased body that there was no weapon in sight and that it was a hairbrush in his hands. What’s crazy about this is not only the murder, but the fact that Khalil and I share the same name, that could be me, and it scares me, because the person meant to protect me can be the one that takes my life. It brings a weird reality to your life. At that point you come to terms with the sad fact that the only one that will protect you is God.

When you look at all of these cases, more times than not, the murderer walks off free of charge, or gets a little slap on the wrist. That is beyond twisted to me. How ? Why does the judicial system continue to spit in our face and add alcohol to the open wound ? WE ARE HERE AND WE MATTER. You can NOT overlook us, you won’t. There have been too many peaceful protests that have resulted in no response, these riots are what you caused and a Jamaican proverb goes as such “WHO DON’T HEAR MUSS FEEL.” WE ARE TIRED, WE ARE DRAINED, WE MATTER.

I don’t believe all police officers are bad people, I don’t believe all white people are bad people as well. I do not group. In this current situation those people have a lot of power, and their voice carries weight more than ours. If they choose to stay silent through these times, that is very telling, you can’t thirst to say nigga, but be silent when niggas are dying. It doesn’t work like that. You’re just as bad as the rotten officers and crooked people if you carry on like nothing is happening WHEN IT IS.

It is not in me to have hate in my heart, I was not raised that way. I will not let the pain others have caused, make me resent innocent people.

What you’re going to stop doing though, is saying “ALL LIVES MATTER” No. Jesus in Luke 15 states that, 100 sheep go missing. Jesus leaves the 99 and goes after one, the 99 sheep wonder about themselves and if they matter, yes the 99 sheep matter but they’re not in danger, the one sheep is” White people, Spanish, Brown, and etc are not being killed every day, oppressed on a constant basis, and being treated as if their worth nothing. So shut up and stop being selfish, cause when we say black lives matter , were not saying you don’t, we’re saying “WE ARE HERE TOO.”

I work in the education system, as a child and youth worker, being the only black man working in the building. I have had countless conversations with my black students, shed tears, laughed, and more with my kids. I let them know their worth every second I get. The beauty and strength that is their skin. I make sure they’re aware of who they are, and the power they posses no matter the age. “I’m not saying I’m going to change the world, but I guarantee you that I will spark the brain, that will change the world.”

I have faith that the future will be better, but that is also depending on the work we are willing to put in, and the impact that we want to create. We need to spread love to our black sisters and brothers. We are strong, we are passionate, we are beautiful, we are loving, we are powerful, we are resilient, we are not going to ever show weakness, we may be down but we are not ever going to be out. WE ARE HERE AND WE MATTER.

Peace and Love,

Isaiah.

[isaiahwrites]

Same Drugs

Genuine connections with people in your life are equivalent to the high you get from inhaling a wicked blunt.

Everything’s relaxed, positive, funny, and it’s an overall vibe that can’t be compared to much. It’s beautiful, and doesn’t come along often, so that makes everything that much better.

The sad reality though is that the high you get, it’s not there forever, at some point.. it leaves, at times you’ll feel it again but sometimes when it goes it’s gone.

As we grow up, in some instances we grow apart… you no longer feel that high.. it’s gone, and you sit there wondering, what did I do , where did I go wrong.

It’s not a matter of who did what, you can’t victimize yourself and take blame, it’s not you. It’s life, this happens.

As weird as it may sound, I look at it like this.. when you grow up, and experience things, God’s like a pharmacist that gives you the pills and prescription that he knows is best for you.

Sometimes you end up with the same drugs, prescription, and connection you’ve always had and sometimes you receive a new dose to give you a new surrounding , connection , and medication of what’s best for you.

Everything happens for a reason, we grow out of situations, grow apart from people and draw near to new things. We’re not just doing it without purpose ignorantly, there’s a reason, you may not know it but somewhere down the line.. you’ll understand.

We lose friends, family, people in general. It happens…. but like Chancellor Bennett says, “Don’t forget the happy thoughts.. all you need is happy thoughts.” It’s all in trusting what the man upstairs has planned.

We may no longer do the same drugs, but maybe there’s a reason why the prescription changed. I’m out.

Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

There's a lot going on

Life has a tendency to throw a lot of things at you at once… It’s get hard to handle. You’re far from a weightlifter and you ended up feeling like the whole world is on your soldiers. The smallest things can change the course of how it all goes for you, one day life is good, and the next you’re sitting there tryna put together the pieces that fell apart at the speed of light. There’s only so much one person can take, the emotional, mental, spiritual, and social aspect of it all seems to all become like glasses during a cold winter , my vision of it all becomes blurred, feeling like I can no longer see or have control of everything that’s happened. The past couple months have been crazy… I haven’t been able to see clear and really figure out a lot. I was in a battle with life that I myself didn’t even know begun, round after round, life took its shots and one after another, I got hit. I don’t have too many relationships with adults that are genuine and really have a significance in my life, I been coaching football for some time now… in this time span, I’ve come across a few of those adults. One specifically, a good friend and father figure, Sergio. I’ve known him for 3-4 years and in that time, with every moment that passed our bond grew and the connection received strength in every possible way. Now, Sergio, he became ill and was diagnosed with cancer, it hurt me to just see someone I love suffer from something that nobody deserves. I left my football team and home for the summer to go and work at a summer camp I’ve worked at before. I was hesitant from the jump but before he became ill, he told me, “Go down there and do your thing, you got to do what you got to do.” He gave me that push to go and do my thing, that’s exactly what I did. As I was out there working , the progress became better and better, filled with good and bad days. My faith never died, knowing the strength he’s always had, no task was difficult. I remember the night like it was yesterday, I just finished a full day of work , I put the kids in my cabin to bed, and it was time for me to relax after a productive day, spending it doing what I love. I checked my phones lock screen seeing a text from my team manager, thinking she was about to update me on our season, as I put my finger on the home button to unlock my phone, I sat there to read the text and within in the first few seconds and first sentence read.. a part of me was gone. Serge had passed away that night. What was scary for me is that 2 weeks before, I was talking to a friend from camp, saying how I didn’t want to leave home and have him end up leaving to. My number one fear at the time , came true and it was slowly killing me. I made my way down to the funeral later that week, reunited with my team, coaches, and other parents. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t go to that funeral. Losing him really took me into a different state of mind. After that, a lot just became hard. The summer went from great to fighting every single day just to keep at it. We all have those times where we kick back and just reminisce on things from our past and present … that then leads us to make the transition into the lives we find ourselves living in the current moment. You sit back, you remember all the good times, jokes, real ass talks , and that genuine vibe that was there.. that’s what comes to mind when you think of the past. Nothing could ever be wrong. That’s what it seemed like, it was as if the missions you had were a reflection of your friendship and your time… Long but worth it. You started to reminisce on the present and it was hard to believe that you came to a position where you realized that every adventure at some point, comes to an end. In a perfect world, they don’t.. but that’s not the world we are living in. Things don’t always end the way they started. The thing is that we got people in our life for a reason and there’s other that only spend a season. This summer was filled with a lot of fake friends, people, and just a lot of things that I didn’t stand for. One thing that I don’t really tolerate is being lied to or people telling me something and completely switching left. During the summer, I spent one of the hardest moments in a long time away from home… With around over 50 co workers and people coming at me all the time with the “You’re so great.” and other affirmations of worth, it was funny. I lived with these people and there hundreds of people on site, but I felt alone and it was almost as if I was and went out there and handled it by myself. I don’t have trust issues but I’m one to keep my circle small and not open up to much people but this summer I was taken to a place of not really allowing things of a negative nature to be apart of my life. Unfortunately, that in itself was a battle. So much occurred and what really capped it off was that in the midst of everything, most people that said they would be there for me and more were nowhere to be found. Time went on and everything in my life that was eating at me seemed as if it wouldn’t let up. There was a lot going on. In the past I haven’t really been the one to evaluate and really analyze life, as I grew more into adulthood it was something that became more consistent. Turning 21 this year, I had reached cornerstones of thoughts l that I never thought I would. I spent a lot of time thinking about myself, why I do what I do, why I wake up in the morning, who I am and why I’m here on this earth. I’ve been through so much change in my life, I’ve had people walk all over me, I’ve been ridiculed, I’ve been told I’m not going to make it anywhere, that I don’t have what it takes, I’ve been betrayed by people I thought were my friends and that’s only some of the things that I have endured. I’m not the only one though, everybody goes through similar things, it sucks but that’s a fact. All of these things changed me as I grew older, pain changes people. I became someone that didn’t open up like I said earlier , I became thick skinned so that the opinions and disheartening thoughts of others wouldn’t seep through to poison my being, I became brutally honest and more uncut, I was left no other option. If you want things in your life to be real genuine , you gotta lead and the things in your life will follow when the time is right. I came to the point where I wouldn’t fight for relationships to remain in my life and really let things be, I no longer hesitates to cut people out my life, and no longer felt the urge to be everybody’s friend. To me, I don’t gotta be friends with everybody but I can still be friendly. Will some of your friendships matter 10 years from now, who’s checking ?? If you have to even think, you already know the answer. I began to benefit and grow as I proceeded to keep my circle small. My family and the mains know there are no names that have to be said, they already know what’s good. Everyday I dream of making the world and the society we’re apart of a better place, because I’ve gotten to a point where I hate watching/listening to the news because there’s never an ounce of positivity brought to my attention, they don’t wanna show that little bit that’s out there, so I’m going to make them have no choice but to by changing the world and bringing light to as much dark places as possible. That right there is why I’m here on this earth. I wake up in the morning to go out and change the lives of the young people I work with, because I want their help in changing the world, I wake up to impact their lives and lead them in the right direction. These are the people of the future and I’m doing all I can to help them right now. As a child and youth worker, football coach, brother, and young black man I will do whatever it takes and I don’t care if I have nothing left in me, I’m still going to give my all into what I do for these youth. They give me a reason to go out there and get it. Even if I don’t change the world myself, I promise you that I will inspire someone and spark the brain that will change the world. A couple months ago, I created a hashtag #Ball4Serge , it’s a symbol of why I do everything I do , when you see the word ball, that doesn’t just mean athletically with my football team, that means that in everything I do, no matter what it is, I will give all of me until nothing is left. If I’m left with no energy and these youth and the worlds left in a better place, so be it. Sergio inspired me to go hard every time and really never take my foot off the gas pedal. This is all for you. He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life… Vic Mensa said it but we had the same thing running through our mind, cleaned out my closest.. got rid of all my demons, if you learned one thing from my journey, it’s don’t stop believing. I’m out.

Peace and love, @Isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Grown Ass Kid

With the older we get, the lives we live begin to change, things become different from school to interests, groups of people we mess with and so on and so forth. One of the biggest things in today’s time is society and the effect that it has on people, their lives, what they do, how they act, and it continues on into many other platforms. We got social media, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, all of that stuff. It’s all become a part of people’s identity. Now social media is great, but that’s when you’re staying true to who you are. There are many cases where people tweet and post things up just for the sake of getting a retweet, a favourite, and a comment of approval. All of this goes on when that person them self knows that’s not who they are but they just want to feel accepted by people that follow them or people who will come across it at some point. Living your life to make others care and prove a point to people that could care less isn’t the how you want to do things. Well, I don’t read minds but I’d hope it’s not how you would want to do things. At one point in time all I did was live my life at the expense of others and did things in hope of acceptance and approval of those around me. People I knew, people I didn’t know, shoot, I didn’t focus on nothing but doing what it took to be included. I would tweet things that wasn’t me just so I can get retweets and favourites , I would download music on my phone that I never even listened to just so I could be accepted, I would watch tv shows everyone else watched that I had no interest in, I deleted music and other things I thought I would be ridiculed and roasted for, I did so much just to impress and be accepted by others. Then came one day, I just walked into my room, laid on my bed looking at the ceiling and I thought to myself “Yo I’m doing all this to show people I’m with it, I’m cool, I like the things they like and have the same views as them but do they really care?”. My answer was nope, I was doing all this for people that I’ve never met and people I knew that could care less. What it was , every time I found myself looking in the mirror , what I saw was never good enough to me , I always saw and felt that something was wrong with me. I wanted all these people to love me and accept me when I never really loved myself and didn’t accept myself for who I was. My smile was a mask with real thoughts of pain, feeling unaccepted and more that were on the inside. It took me time to get to where I am now, my smile now is genuine, on the inside I’m smiling to match the smile on the outside, I look in the mirror and I love the man I see. When it comes down to it I know in fact that I am different and unlike others but I also wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not saying that I’m happy 24/7, I’m still human and emotions come with that. It’s all a matter of knowing everything will be okay because along with God, I got me. There is nothing wrong with being different, the world wouldn’t be the most interesting place if everyone was the same. There are going to be things you’re into, things you do, things you put on your social media. Not everyone will have the best opinion , someone will always have something to say, but yo if that’s what you do and what you’re into, embrace that and let nothing stop you from doing what you do. Live your life for you and share that life with those that accept you for who you are, friends, family, God, any higher power you believe in. When you love yours, that’s all that matters. I’m different, some would say weird, some would say unusual , some would say some other things, say what you will but I’m a grown ass kid, I handle my business, take care of what I need to and live the life I want to live without being burdened by the disheartening opinions of others. I’m happy with the life I live, what I do, and who I am. If others got something to say that’s great I wish nothing but the best for em because it sure as hell won’t stop me from being my best. I wish the same for everyone else in this world, that you too can live freely and happily enjoy life….just like a grown ass kid. I’m out. Peace and love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

U With Me ?

Relationships are pretty diverse if you ask me, they can be spread amongst multiple categories, definitions and more. Loyalty, genuineness, honesty, trust, and respect are some things that come to the mind more times than not when people hear the word relationship, these are the attributes and things that people tend to list and associate relationships with. I can’t blame you if you do, because I completely agree. Why would you associate these things with relationships ? Well you see with relationships or any form of interaction, for it to progress and show success trust would need to be evident within that relationship and if you analyze each thing you’ll see that they all tie in with one another in some way, shape, or form. Would you want to be associated with people that are disloyal and disrespectful to you ? I don’t think so. Whether we would want that or not, sometimes the situation appears where everything is not what it appears to be or the matter is that things weren’t the way they once were. At the beginning one thing is in front of your eyes and later on your vision is blurred and once it’s cleared , what you once saw is no longer there. That’s just the way it happens , yeah it’s unfortunate , but that’s what reality can be for you at times. Looking at the way things are today after just observing and experiencing first hand , I’ve seen that when it comes to relationships, no matter the kind it may be, there’s this attitude. It’s this mentality, and precautionary measure of making sure that the person their situated with is for real and that their not playing games. There is not one thing wrong with that, you come first and it becomes a matter of you looking out for your best interest. As you grow older , time becomes more valuable, important, and deciding of what happens in your life. You don’t want your time to be wasted, point blank. If you feel that something is for you and you really feel that it’s bringing you down and not lifting you up, it’s not for you. Don’t try and force something to work, that will only cause it to spin out of control. If somethings dead, the chances for you to bring it back to life are, well none, if it was to come back it wouldn’t be you that did it. The big guy in the sky does everything for a reason , you see what’s meant to happen will happen at some point in time, the point of it all is to be patient and just trust. For me , I have friends that I’ve known all my life, friends from a lot of different places and more. There are friends I treat like family, there are people that I’m simply civil with because I respect them, there’s level to it when you look at it. You can’t be best friends with everybody. Majority of the people I associate myself with if not all know what’s good amongst ourselves and that’s all that really matters to be completely honest, there’s no need to complicate things. Just like I can’t be best friends with everybody , I can’t be friends with everybody. I associate myself with people that have the same mindset , similar goals, and people that share the same hunger and hustle along with passion that I do. If you’re not positive and bring negative vibes to my life , I guarantee that there will be no hesitation to cut you from my life. I thrive off of positivity, likeminded blessings in people, and good vibes, it’s the way I chose to live my life. To this day it has proven to be beneficial to the life I live as a young man and what I do. All of this is applicable to friendships, work relationships, and more. So when you find you find yourself asking real friends, how many of y'all ? Analyze your situation with em but check yourself and make sure you’re a real friend. In intimate relationships now, at some point in time everybody wants that one person in their life , that’s with them and down for them on that intimate level. What seems to be the reoccurring situation in today’s time is that either the male or female questions the opposite sex U with me or what ? This right here stems from past experiences that didn’t go well, trust issues and the male/female being hurt by previous partners and concluding that everybody the same. That in itself is creating a larger issue, there’s is no reason why the person you are involved with now should suffer from the previous persons mistakes. The second issue is thinking that all men and women are the same , that is not the matter. What that comes down to is you and who you decide to take steps with, if you get hurt and keep selecting the same kind of person to be involved with, you’re stepping in the wrong direction. It’s really you who has the power to dictate what happens with the people you involve yourself with, whether it may be intimate or not. For me, I’ve been involved with women, I’ve gone back to the same type of women, stepped in the wrong direction, analyzed what I was doing and made the necessary changes, after all that yeah I got to points where I met females at different times in my life and the question eventually came at some point whether it was asked or it was shown in action , at these times I wanted them to be with me , be there and build with me, but what you have to realize is that things don’t always work out the way you want and that is completely fine. God knows more than I do and he knows what he did and why it was done. It’s left at that point. Whenever I do find that one female that I do reach an intimate level with and all of this comes into play. If she supports me, I’ll support her. If she’s a great friend first, helps us build as unique individuals as well as mould into a dynamic duo, if the positivity , passion for what she does, hunger, humility, loyalty, genuineness, and more things are evident I’ll be the same for her and to her. So all in all, when it’s right it won’t even be a matter of U with me or what ? I say that cause shoot, the time will be right and we’ll be with each other. I’m out. Peace and love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Losin Control

Life, it’s an unexpected ride. Sometimes you’re in control and steering into the right direction, and other times… you lose control. In the midst of losing control , we try to control everything that’s happening all at one time, we become stubborn, ignorantly independent, and really put on this facade as if we’re alright when we’re the furthest thing from it in reality. It’s not always the intention of one to take all that is thrown at them single-handedly, many things happen prior to them feeling as everything they do from a certain point, is better if they do it by themselves. When your back is against that wall , sometimes there are people on that same wall with you and other times, it’s just you. That’s the unfortunate reality. In a person’s life, relationships happen, whether their family, a friendship, or a significant other. The upbringing , stability, mindset, and everything comes from the relationships that an individual has from the time their brought into this world to the time they leave. Intimate relationships; we have cases where the man or woman suffers emotional trauma from previous relationships or experiences in their life. That then becomes problematic due to many reasons. A guy and a girl , they have been involved with one another for a while, emotionally invested, and more. The lady on the other hand in her previous relationship was hurt and is now hesitant to fully invest herself emotionally into the man. The man is good for her, cares for her, and wants nothing for her but the best. There is not one negative intention running through his head. “She’s falling but she doesn’t think he’ll catch her, cause her last relationship was a disaster.” The last relationship has now become the basis in what these two have formed, which is not even a relationship, the negativity from the past led her to become fixated on all the bad that could happen. “He redefines in every way what love is, she fell for him and hasn’t gotten up since.” The man is all she could ever wish for but one must realize that pain changes people. It’s not easy to go from person to person willingly making an exchange for all of you with them not knowing what you may get in return or if you may get anything at all. The guy has to understand what she’s going through and not really prepare her for something new and rush but support her and be there for her and show her that he’s still for real so when the time comes, if it’s really meant to happen, it will. The same applies if it were to be the male in the position of the female. The real purpose of this is to understand, be patient, and most importantly think. It’s applicable to multiple situations, not just this relationship case. In a relationship when we’re losing control, we must understand from both perspectives, be patient and not rush into things, and know that time is something that was never meant to be wasted. The last but most important thing, think. Think before you act and speak. In life, the same three things are key. Understand and see from multiple perspectives, be patient and realize that there’s beauty in struggle and pain, pain changes people yes, but it also doesn’t last forever. Think think and think. Avoid making decisions under the emotional influence at all times. It is not good for you, you must think with your mind and not your heart. When we lose control in life , these are things we can do to maintain a steady direction to where we want to go. You have to take care of yourself , love yourself, and know that even when you lose control, trust in yourself and the man upstairs and I guarantee, you’ll be steering in the right direction. I’m out. Peace and Love, @Isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

BHM

It’s now and February and what February also is known as is Black History Month. As a young black man, at 20 years old, I’ve seen, gone through and read about multiple things about my people of colour. There’s the good, the not so good, and there are certain things that just leave me in disbelief of how different things are actually going on and have happened. I never really have taken time to just sit down and think about Black History Month , I mean of course I’ve thought about it but I’ve never reached a point where I really go I depth and analyze different things. When you hear Black History Month, some of the first thoughts to pop up into your head are Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman , Frederick Douglas, Rosa Parks, and more. You think of Jackie Robinson maybe, Ali , Jesse Owens, and a lot more people. There are a few things you could say that all these people have in common with one another. Is it strength , perseverance , belief in equality, passion, and leadership ? It’s not just one, it’s all. Some broke barriers of colour and fought for freedom, some broke down the walls of inequality in terms of playing their sport, one in particular went against the norm and sat for what she believed in, and there have been so many other great instances of progress and production for black people. When I look at society today, I have days where I shake my head in frustration, disbelief and sadness and I also have days where I just smile and reflect on all that has happened. Now, don’t take me shaking my head as being ashamed for being black. There has not been one day of my life where I have been ashamed to be a black man. On August 28th in 1963 Martin Luther King Jr. gave his famous I have a dream speech at the March on Washington. This piece from the coveted speech speaks volumes. “ I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” – one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today!“ When Dr.King gave this speech what he wanted from it was peace, love , and equality. He wanted the world to know that one man or woman is not greater than the other but we are all on the same level. The speech has gone down in history and has indeed brought a great amount of change to our world that we live in. As much as we’d like things to be perfect in this world, the sad reality is that their not, and in some cases black men and women have been poorly treated and have suffered brutality and abuse in many forms. Troy Davis , was wrongly convicted of murder and later executed for a crime he didn’t commit. Police had come up with no physical evidence that proves that Davis was guilty. Oscar grant was shot by a police officer on January 1st, 2009. He passed away later on. Grant was unarmed and was just trying to get home with his friends until an altercation occurred on the train that called for police to come and attend to the issue. Trayvon Martin while walking home from a 7/11 with nothing but a skittles and Arizona was being pursued by a neighbourhood watchmen , the watchman was specifically told by the authorities to not pursue Martin , but those instructions , we’re not followed which led to an altercation occurring and young Martin being shot to death, the watchman was pronounced not guilty in court. Mike brown, brown on the way home got into a confrontation over an allegation with a police officer. The confrontation then became verbal and physical , it began with a little scuffle amongst the officer and brown, and escalated to the officer firing a shot at brown, from that point brown had begun to run from the officer and the officer more shots at brown. Brown now was down and surrendering with his hands in the air to the officer, while the officer then made the excessive motion and fired more shots at brown and ending his life. These cases are few of many , and as much as they make us cringe, ask why, want to get revenge, and react negatively we would be going against everything that Dr.King wanted for this world. It is important through all these disputes to remain peaceful. As bad as things may seem, showing hate towards the other and acting in such a manner would be exactly how those people acted with the people they poorly treated. May everyone who’s lives have been taken or lost not only rest in peace but power. As a young black man, I wouldn’t say that things are harder for us over anyone else, but I wouldn’t say that their the easiest as well. The way you carry yourself is key, if you want to be treated in a certain way, you have to act and carry yourself in that way. Respect is earned and not given. It’s not a given that you’ll always be treated equally but that shouldn’t stop someone from being the best they can be, regardless of the colour of their skin. I have a dream myself , for those who don’t know, 95% of my time is spent working with youth. I am in school studying to be a child and youth care practitioner, I am a football coach for a representative football team in Vaughan, I work at a summer camp in the summer as a camp counsellor, I have worked as a CYC Intern at an elementary school, and am currently working in a high school. All I’ve ever wanted to do in this life I live , is change the lives of others, advocate for youth, and simply make the world a better place. I’ve always told myself even if I can’t change the world myself I will spark the brain that will change the world. Not only do I want to be someone that young black males and females can look up to, but I want to be someone that anyone is able to look up to. Skin colour has never determined who’s life I wanted to change, who I wanted to make a better football player, who I wanted to help do better in school. It should never be like that, equality is everything along with peace and love. That’s what the world needs. I know where I come from, and there never has been a doubt about that. Black history month to me is a month of strength , perseverance , love, understanding, loyalty, passion and more but you don’t have to be black to represent and portray all of those things. One day the world will be at full peace and equality will never be in question but for now we can only keep working hard to getting towards that point… So I’m going to leave you with this and I’m going to say it loud. IM BLACK AND IM PROUD. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Camp Life: Pushed

In the past few years of my life, perseverance has been a big contribution. Coming to camp this summer really put an exclamation mark on what I was doing in my life, and what I want to do into the life of others. A man once told me, all it takes is one new insight or idea - strongly acted on - to take you to a completely different place. I made it my job to do things in my life with intention and focus. Whilst at camp I created a mantra, what that is if you’re unaware is basically something that you live by and adhere to. My mantra was this “I will work hard and stay humble, I will not allow anyone to knock my hustle.” A favourite rapper of mine nas once said , don’t go against the grain, simple and plain. I used that to remind me that I shouldn’t draw away from my mantra and that I should stay true and real to myself as well as what I chose to live by in my mantra. This right here is pushed… In the world we live in today, there are multiple successful figures that we look up to. Do you ever just sit and wonder how they got to where they were ? Ironically a lot failed in the process. There are a few common things amongst these positive and successful figures that helped them reach their success; they were persistent, they persevered , and they were pushed. The way I see things, to get to where you really need to be in life the three P’s will be of great use to you. No matter what obstacle comes in your way you have to be persistent, if the drive isn’t there you have no support system. No matter how much you may fail you have to continue to try and try again. Failure is one of the most important steps to success. You must always persevere. Lastly, you need to be pushed. We all need those people that push us, no matter how annoying it may be, no matter how frustrating it gets, it’s all in you wanting to get to the highest point and regardless of how you feel about pushing you, they want the exact same thing for you. J.Cole said something that’s really resonated with me in one of the songs he was featured on “Love is wanting more for someone than they want for themselves.” Take it in and it’ll help you realize so much. If you really want something, you’ll find a way and if not, you’ll find a excuse. Those people that will be jerks, those people that challenge you and grind your gears. These people are the best, they do all this because they know what you’re capable of and being soft with you will not lead you to success. Reaching success is very difficult when you’re doing it on your own. One man or woman can change the world but the impact would be way more effective when you have people by you pushing you to reach your full potential. From a personal perspective, without those in my life that pushed me then and without those that pushed me now I wouldn’t be where I am today. If it wasn’t for being challenged and pushed I would not be able to impact the way people in my life go about doing things. Being challenged and seeing the positive results of it on my life, led me to do the same for youth I work with, council, coach and more. It led me to helping friends and family as well, I just want to pay it forward, I want nothing but success for those people. I refuse to be soft with people, I refuse to beat around the bush and filter things. Doing that will have no effect whatsoever on them. It will result in them having everything be spoon-fed to them. The way I see things, nothing is or should be given to you with ease, for whatever it is to have value it must be earned, if you didn’t put in the work for it, you don’t deserve it. With pushing people, there are obvious boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed but when I push it will only be for them to become better, not for me but for them. After all, at some point in our lives, being pushed wouldn’t hurt us… It’d help. Peace and love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Camp Life: The Reason

Whilst being at camp , when I first went I didn’t really know who the man in the mirror was but as my time there continued, I began to find answers and I started to realize the reasons to many things… then I wrote this. They say everything happens for a reason, I find it hilarious how the reason is rarely ever known. These reasons could be classified as good but they can also be bad. The way I look at it, either one of them is fine with me. I view failure as something to not fear but to have a welcoming attitude with. As ironic as it may sound, those who do things without letting fear stop them are very successful in comparison to those that have the same potential but allow the fear of failure to trap them and build a barrier for them. There is nothing wrong with fearing failure, I’m sure we all have at one point in time feared failure. Once you come to the reality that it is okay to make mistakes life in itself becomes easier. Experience and the mistakes you make are all apart of your road to success. Those are the two best teachers you will ever have. When you persevere , there no longer any limitations and the possibilities become endless. Everything happens for a reason and I think I just figured out the reason. It’s to make us stronger, it’s to help us improve our lives and better ourselves, as well as help foster the ability to break down the barriers that are placed before us along with opening doors of new beginnings and opportunity. That is… The reason. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Camp Life: Why I do It

In the summer of 2015 I spent my summer working at a leadership camp. This experience was life changing, whilst being at the camp in my spare time during early mornings and late nights I would take the time to write about different things that were on my mind. Working at this camp brought a new light into my life and really brought me into a better place in more ways than one… I decided to take everything I’ve written while at camp and make it into a series, similar to my His Story pieces. I decided to name it the Camp Life Series. The first piece is called WIDI (Why I do it).. Let’s get it poppin. I always say to myself that you have to find a job that you absolutely love and when you find it, you’ll never work a day in your life. I guess that when you’re doing something you love, it doesn’t seem like work at all. That’s what things are like for me here at camp, it’s classified as work but I love what I do, and that would be working with children so it feels like everything but work. Every day the kids here at this school remind me of why I wake up in the morning. They all give me that extra push that I need to reach my full potential. Some of these campers have the biggest impact on my life and what I do, it’s funny cause I know majority of them are completely unaware of that. I’m still in the process of finding myself and leaving my mark but with each day that passes I grow as a young man on a mission. From a young age I was always passionate about helping and giving back to whoever I can. As I grew older it formed into a love for helping out youth. My plan then formed into positively impacting youth and impacting as much as I possibly can. I will give as much of my time and myself to this work, I want nothing in return but a better successful future for youth of the present… That’s why I do it. I’m out. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Exchange

“Lord please save her for me, do this one favour for me, I had to change my player ways got way too complicated for me.. I hope she’s waiting for me.” This lyric from artist Bryson Tiller’s hit song exchange really speaks to me. The song in itself portrays the thought that a relationship or being with someone on a serious, mature and intimate level is an exchange. With that being said , you’re giving all of you in exchange for that person. Bryson said in the song that he had to change his player ways , now I can’t read his mind but I want to share what I feel may possibly be the explanation to the line. When he says I had to change my player ways, his intention was not really meaning that he was forced to change his player ways but he was took it upon himself to change the ways he acted because the person in his life meant that much to him, she made him want to become better and really commit to something and someone. He may not have felt that way in the past but as time carried on and things along with people disappeared from his life, his thought process and way of living likely became different. When we go without a thing or someone for a period of time, it can do many things to a person, it can be an aid to their growth, it can break them down and hurt them, it can change the way they think feel, operate, and live in a negative or positive way, and it overall really is like a final notification after a while of whether that person or thing should or shouldn’t be apart of your life. Distance and departure really helps bring clarity to the heart and mind of someone. Being away from something/someone really lets you know what is really meant to happen. Time tells all, time determines whether someone is bad for you and your time with that person has come to a conclusion and it also determines if somewhere along the line that you and that someone reconnect and make an exchange once more. This exchange is different from the rest, you’re giving all of you in exchange for all of the other person. Before it may have seemed as if when exchanges were made that pieces were exchanged instead of everything. “Having someone who understands the life you live, have someone who’s slow to take and quick to give, having someone who sticks around when the rough times get thick, someone who’s smile is bright enough to make the projects feel like a mansion, having someone who loves you despite your faults” When it’s real between you and that person, these are some of the things that you’ll have when you make that full out exchange. Do not feel the need to rush the exchange, once again, time tells all, let it do its thing and go with the flow of things, it’s better for you if you don’t read into it too much. What meant to happen will happen. Everybody at some point in their life will make an exchange , not every one will be the full out exchange. Personally, I haven’t made a complete exchange with anyone I’ve been involved with. Reason being is that things don’t always work out the way you plan to. “Old chick calling but I’m onto new thangs, she still a dime but I always lose change” I’ve taken breaks, time off with people, or whatever the hell you want to call it, but once things resumed, there was no real cause to take a big step and exchange. Regardless of if they were good or not, they weren’t good for me and what once was, no longer existed. When I make that exchange for real, I’ll know it’s legit when I look at her and feel motivated, inspired and willing to become better as one rather than better as individuals. Making each other stronger and building each other up. I’ll know the shit is 100 when we end up taking time apart from each other and not come back by force or will, but from our choice and appreciation and love for each other. All in all, we all gotta exchange at some point.. Legend and Tiller explained it best because in all honesty you’ll be special when you become the first to ever make me want to give all of me , and in return receive the blessing which is all of you. I just hope at some point everyone finds their own blessing in their exchange. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

His Story: V

At times I wonder why I am the person I am. That person would be someone that’s forgiving, loving, emotional, and the list goes on. Sometimes I have no problem with it and sometimes I can’t stand the shit. I have a really big heart and what’s fucked up about it is having that gets me fucked over sometimes. I always manage to take the good out of every situation, and as much as I love that about myself, I’m human and it gets fucking frustrating. From the time I was young, all I did was invest time into the wrong people, fall for people, focus on making other people happy, get taken advantage of, and more. In elementary school, from probably around the first grade, the emotional part of me made it’s debut. What usually happened, I started to like someone, moved like a dumb ass, put all of me out there for them, and I came on strong on some Dwayne Johnson type shit. What resulted from this is the girls obviously not feeling the same thing, me begging and being annoyingly persistent, which led to me being more hurt in the end. All this shit carried on into grade 7 up until high school. It just got worse and showed in different ways. Every year I’d invest all of me into one person, or the same person after taking a break thinking things would change and it always resulted in the same thing, me getting fucked over because I put all my heart into it while the opposing person didn’t feel a thing and was affected in no way, shape, or form. I’ve been in relationships where people have only agreed to date me because they felt sorry for me, make up excuses and end the relationship , and more. I’ve had some of the happiest moments/relations with people turn into hell and get fucked up real quick. I’ve been embarrassed and shown up by an ex girlfriend over me simply trying to watch out for my friend in front of close to 100 people. I’ve had a girls uncle tell me what his niece really thinks of me and more. Over the years, it hasn’t been of any fault of people that I dealt with, in all honesty, I’m at fault. In this world, in this society actions are everything , with actions come reactions , and more times than not a negative action will be followed by a negative reaction. The reasons as to why I have moved like this in my life were very hard for me to find at points in my life. The one simple answer, I didn’t love, value, and respect myself. It took me 20 years to be able to do that and do it genuinely. There things that each person has that is simply apart of them and who they are, they have that one thing or select things that make them who they are. Me, I have a big heart and I am emotional as fuck. Plain and simple. It’s something that I have come to terms with, I accepted the fact that I can’t change it, but I’m sure as hell going to control it. Constant shit comes at me and its like “You single ? Are you with her ? She leave you ? Are you bitter ? You’re fuckin? Did you miss her? Can I follow her on twitter?" Before it would eat at me, upset me, make me feel a certain way. Now, I pay no mind to it cause shit isn’t the same in terms of that. Yeah I still talk to females, feelings come here and there, emotions come into the picture , I get into things with people. I just don’t expect shit from anybody , if shit happens that is fine and dandy , if it doesn’t I don’t allow myself to let my world revolving, I continue doing what I need to do and move on. Being emotional and having a big heart doesn’t mean that I move like I have no sense, what it means is that…. I have a big heart and I’m emotional. This is what I do with it, I apply it to my life, my family, the work I do with youth, and overall just society in general. I take that big heart and give all of me to youth I work with , players I coach , my family, siblings, and more. With the way I move, there are asshole tendencies , but I could care less to be completely honest. The things that were once everything to me are now irrelevant , I moved like I needed someone there and couldn’t be alone when now, I’m fine on my own, and I don’t need anyone really besides the people God has blessed me with that are Family and friends that are like family. All I can say is , I put on everything that I won’t switch. You can’t. Embrace your differences and what’s fucked and find the good in it. One Love. Isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

Purpose

I sometimes wake up in the morning and think. I think of what the day has in store, how I’m feeling, why I’m here on this earth, and really what my purpose is. These questions are far from simple to answer at some moments and at others I am able to answer with ease. I look in the mirror, and it’s honestly the hardest thing to do sometimes. Now, do not come to a conclusion of depression, sadness, or another form of emotional distress. I classify that as hard to do because for the 20 years I have been living I have never come to terms with the fact that things in my head operate differently from others up until this point. When you look in the mirror you see the reflection and who is in the mirror. What the unfortunate reality is, is that you don’t always know who it is in the mirror, yes you see the reflection of you but when you go deep within the soul and mind, there is not always an identity. Countless times I walk in front of mirrors look and ponder, I see that it is me in the mirror but I am still figuring out who I am and why I’m here. I’ve always been that kid just stood out, sometimes for the bad, sometimes for the weird, and others for the good. Up to this point in life , within my circle of friends, family, and peers I have always looked at things differently, I act differently, and more. I was always the kid with the super big heart that just wanted to make everyone happy, with that came being taken advantage of by friends and other peers. There have been times where I never even felt accepted by family members because of the way I operated and did things in my life. What’s so messed up about it all to me is that people with the largest hearts are always viewed differently and their questioned in a sense as to why their heart is so big, the real question is, why isn’t yours ? It’s funny the way our minds work sometimes. Growing up around the middle school/high school time , there was still a difference that was evident to myself, but what came with it was emotional unstability. I let people walk over me, emotionally invested in the wrong people in unimaginable ways, the common heart break and all of that. All of this happened simply because I got so caught up in life and all it has to bring that I forgot the most important piece to it all, loving myself. Jermaine Cole, better known as J.cole, in his song Love Yourz says and I quote “And life can’t be no fairytale, no once upon a time but I’ll be got damned if a nigga don’t be trying.” What this is saying is that you’re gonna live your life and in the midst of that, there will be tough times and hardships but what is more important is you keeping your head up and rolling with the punches. A life lived without a messed up day is not a life lived, but a dream that will come with a rude awakening. It took me a long time to really love myself before I make the notion to love anything/one else but it happened and that’s all that matters. “I was inspired by the mirror, I had to motivate myself, took some time out did some soul searching and found myself.” That line right there by the LA rapper KR speaks volumes. I took the necessary time needed to work on myself so that when I go into the mirror for the next time, I see who I am, and know who I am. I encourage everybody to embrace being different, I still have the same big heart but , once I took that time to improve mentally and focus on stability, everything fell into place on its own within the life that I live. Different is dope, different is where it’s at, and not being afraid to be unique is 8+92. Why be like everyone else when you have 365 days to stand out and make your name known. Those who are riding and real will support you no matter what, your family will support you , shoot if nobody got you, count on God and me, we’ll hold it down. “One day it just clicks… You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover. And then you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Right then and there, I walked to the closest mirror and said this to myself. I hope you all get to that point in your life where you can too. One love. IsaiahOTF

[isaiahwrites]

The L Word

Everybody has their own definition of this thing called love. It’s cool and fucked up all at the same time. Love is beautiful, happy, funny, surprising, abused, overwhelming, and more. Some may say I’m wrong about my opinion on love, but seeing that it’s my opinion, those thoughts are irrelevant. To each his own. Now I don’t completely disregard love and all that it entails , but I am definitely not the biggest fan of it. I havent had the best past with females but that isn’t the reason behind why I feel the way I do. I can say that my past relationships have played a part in who I am now and why I feel the way I do about certain topics but it hasn’t contributed to such an extent where it completely alters my thoughts. With relationships in the past that weren’t so good, what came from that was trust issues and a overall hesitant mindset. I would tells girls I love them, not even really knowing what it is. I would tell girls I love them, and I didn’t even really live myself. That’s the crazy thing, I look back and I wish I had realized sooner but it is what it is. In my opinion, you cannot love anything or anyone if you don’t love yourself. Straight facts. There’s no valid argument. My mindset is hesitant because I am being cautious and caring for myself , I am not appalled by the thought of love or being in love. I’m not against it at all, I simply want it to be natural and genuine when the time comes, I’m in no rush. You can’t really control when you fall in love and how you do it, you just gotta let that shit happen. When my time comes im sure it’ll be great. When I’m in love , it’ll be as unbelieveable as she is , I say unbelievable because I was once at a point where love was fake and unreal in my life and then with one person at the right and appropriate time it all changed. A true soul mate and someone you’re with are two different things. With a soulmate, you connect on multiple levels, socially, spiritually, mentally, physically and so on and so forth. A girl that can kick it with me wherever, come watch me do my coaching thing, join me at church, someone that I can support, share good times with, go through fucked up shit with… I say that because I don’t want it to be easy, If shit gets hard , that’s girl is gonna be a big part of my life so I will have no problem doing whatever I can to make sure it stays that way. A few months ago, my friend asked me to write about love , falling in love and what it feels like. Here I am now, I can’t say I’ve truly fallen in love but I know that the feeling will be unlike anything you’ve felt before. You’ll look up to God and you’ll see why he did what he did and smile with such a great gratitude. You’ll realize all the bullshit was worth it cause you stayed patient, cause that’s exactly what real love is, patient. You’ll get to a point of selflessness and it becomes amazing because at one point in time, you were only watching out for you but now it all changes and you’re fine with that because after all team work makes the dream work. I’m out. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

My Brother's Keeper

I have 5 siblings , two brothers to be specific. I am the oldest one out of everybody. As the oldest, I have a big responsibility. It is my job to make sure my siblings are good, I must lead them in the right direction, take care of them, and simply be there. The 5 of us do not live under the same roof so we are not always constantly seeing each other. I do not let the fact that I’m unable to constantly see them stop me from being their big brother. I have two brothers, Josh and Raheem. These guys are characters for real man. Josh and I met a few years back when my dad re-married and his wife had a son from a previous relationship. That’s Josh. We’ve known each other for a few years now and I must say he’s a cool guy, we’re not the closest and I’m not going to front like we are, but he knows when it comes down to it I have his back through whatever and I’m going to be there for him. Family is family, there’s no ifs ands or buts. Now we have Raheem , my bro is a hell of a guy, he’s always cracking jokes, always smiling, and more. We have some real ass conversations and it makes me realize a lot about him and myself. I say I realize a lot about myself because when I look at him, I feel as if I’m looking in a mirror. The way he acts, his thought process, the things he does, and etc. I look back to when I was his age and I was the exact same, it’s scary. Just as I have talked about my sister’s , I feel the same about my brothers. Josh and Raheem give me a reason to wake up every morning and become a better man every morning that I wake up. God gives you specific family members with roles in your life to help mold you into the form that he feels is best, I have been blessed with an amazing family that has done nothing but keep me grounded and make me a better man. I promised all of my siblings that when I make it and I’m well off I’m going to take care of every one of them. I swore that if one eats, we’re all going to eat. I encourage everyone to appreciate the family God has given them, every one was placed in a specific family for a special reason. God has never done anything without a method and his motives are not to be questioned. If you’re to trust anyone, it should be God and Family. I understand that every family is not perfect but regardless of what may go on, you must believe and hold your head high. Things may seem like hell to you but look at the hell you feel you’re in as a stopover right before you enter heaven. I guarantee you that it does get better. “I’ve seen a baby cry, seconds later she laughs. The beauty if life, the pain never lasts.” I do a lot of work with youth, one major piece of work that I am involved in is coaching football. Over the last 4 years or so, I have coached various players and teams. In this time, I have formed big brother to little brother relationships with various players. In that, I have a great responsibility in helping my players become better players on the field and better people off the field, it is my job to lead them, instill positive attitudes, and a strong work ethic and hustle in everything that they do. I have so much players that look up to me and see me as their big brother. I am held to a high standard and the actions I make as a man reflect onto what my players will do in their own lives. It’s an honor when you have parents talk to you saying you’re a mentor to their sons, thanking you for what you do, noticing the good work you do with the youth, and simply acknowledging your hard work and effort. I’ve never had a mentor so the fact that I can be that to a young man means the world to me and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Everyone has friends that are just friends , and then they have friends that are like family. I have friends that are like brothers to me that I grew up with in church, school, and other places. These people know who they are , if it weren’t for these guys I wouldn’t have graduated high school, I would have lost faith in my God, and I wouldn’t be alive here writing this right now. My bro’s have always kept me grounded, we’ve always kept it real with each other, and we’ve always had each others back through whatever. Of course there are times where you and your people aren’t always seeing eye to eye, but what’s really important is making sure that is temporary, you can’t let silly things come in between a family. “No fake niggas allowed in my circle dog, you been through half the shit I been through it’ll hurt you dog.” I’ve been through a lot of things but my bro’s have always been there for me, I can always count on them, I don’t mess with fake people, the gender doesn’t matter, if I feel shit isn’t right you will be gone from my life with no hesitation. The same way my brother’s have always had my back, I will always have theirs. Blood couldn’t us any closer. Family is not only limited to blood relation but it goes way passed that. Family is whoever is true and real, whoever watches out for you, leads you, helps you become better, and simply loves you with a genuine and unique love. “Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and an be of service to him. And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face.” Your brothers don’t even have to be guys who grew up in the same house as you, but dope friends you met later in life who have always been there for you, and have always been reliable and trustworthy in all circumstances. I know that when push comes to shove I’m riding out for my bro’s and I know that I am in fact… My brother’s keeper. I’m out. Peace and Love, @ISAIAHOTF

[isaiahwrites]

Ain't Shit Pretty

As time passes and you become older, you either become wiser or you just stay at the same place with no progression or change. What makes you wiser, is not only the successful happenings in your life but more so the rough situations and mistakes you have made. The older you get, the realer the experiences become. The tests become harder , friends fade, true colors show, and more. Loyalty, respect, trust, and authenticity. These four things are rare in today’s time. People have trust issues, nobody respects one another half of the time, there are a lot of half-ass people, and everybody has their definition of loyalty, which fucks it all up. People put up walls, the reason they do this is so that they no longer have to deal with whatever it is that’s bothering them. If you take a pile of clothes to wash and put them aside so you can handle something, the only way the clothes will be taken care of is if you get up and wash them. The same applies for this situation, putting up a wall is not cancelling your problems, the situation is on hold, until you take it upon yourself to break down the wall you put up and handle the situation your problems will still be there. You have to be careful when it comes to these four things, in all honesty, you have to put yourseloverallv,, if you’re not keeping it real with yourself, if you don’t respect yourself, and if you aren’t loyal and trustworthy you’re in no position to be all this to someone else. I’m not saying to keep to yourself, I mean nothing close to that, what the best solution is , is to of course still be chill, friendly and all but don’t commit to something and get into something that you are not prepared and ready for. It’s just like the simple fact that you cannot love someone, or be in love with someone if you do not love yourself. From a personal perspective, there have been so many times where I was trying my hardest to be real with people, be trustworthy, loyal and more but I ended up being real with everyone except for myself and that ended up fucking me over because you have people that say things to you, that are just that, words. When you invest yourself into so much being unprepared the result is ending up in a catastrophe, searching for who you are, and overall stress and confusion. If it’s one thing I have learned, everything is not what it seems, not everybody that says your friend is your friend. As you become older you must not act off of what you hear but what you see. I have taken years on and off of continuous revaluation of my life, I listen to older figures, experience various things, and overall make sure I always handle my shiy before I take care of other things in my life. I have come to a point in my life where people have to be dropped, not because of something they may have done, but because I am a man on a mission , and there comes a point in a person’s life where they must do what needs to be done to succeed. I am on a different level mentally and maturity wise than other people, if I am going to get to where I need to be, I will not stand for anything holding me back. If you want to make it, and make it with people by your side, you have to fuck with people that are on the same mission as you. People go through rough times, shit gets ugly sometimes, but that’s the best part for me, cause when I look at it, the only thing that is stopping me from hustling and going far in this life is me dying, everything else you could think of is nothing to me. The ugly situations, the mistakes, the doubters and all of that made me the strong, wise, and powerful man that’s here writing this shit right now. “You ain’t never gone be happy till you love yours.” It’s the sad truth but a lot of people may be getting older, but they are sure as hell not growing up. Don’t be afraid to fuck up, don’t be afraid to reevaluate, don’t be afraid, do not fail failure. Let me tell you something, through elementary to highschool and my college life the best teacher/professor I have ever had was experience. I’m out. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf

[isaiahwrites]

No Role Modelz

“No role models and I’m here right now, no role models to speak of, searchin through my memory, my memory, I couldn’t find one.” As I grew up, I honestly do not recall having anyone in my life that was a true role model to me. Yes there were people that I admired and respected but there was never one person that was so close to me to a point that I would be able to see them in that light. Yeah I had my mom and dad there but as much as I respect and appreciate all they have done, they weren’t seen as role models to me, in no way is that to be offensive. I grew up having a very poor relationship with my biological father, so him being viewed as a role model wasn’t really possible. I have many adult figures in my life around me and they all have their own significance to me, but regardless of that, I still felt personally that I had no role models. In the years I have lived, the one thing that was consistent was my drive to help others , as I grew older my drive became deeper and grew stronger with a greater purpose. I wanted to change the world, change lives, and simply positively impact those around me. Everyone becomes tired of what they see in the world, they feel there’s no hope, they ramble on about what a tragedy society has become, and more but what stays the same , is that instead of doing something all they do is talk about it. Up until a few years ago, I honestly had no idea how I would change lives, change the world, and positively implement change. 4 years ago, I discovered how I would do these things and I figured out what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Football is a big part of my life, it has taught me about brotherhood, family, loyalty, hard work, hustle, passion, life, and more. 4 years ago I came across a life changing opportunity, at this time my playing “career” had come to an end a few years prior. I was offered a position to become a volunteer football coach in the city of Vaughan, from the day I started , I fell in love with it. Coaching is a very great responsibility, you have tons of kids that look to you for leadership, guidance, and more. As the years went on I have been doing what I can to master my craft and make a difference in the lives of the players I coach. I have helped young men on and off the field, I care for my players and their well being. I do all I can in my power to help them improve wherever need be. I have had players express my importance to them, the difference I have made in their lives, and just their overall appreciation for the things I have done for them. One team and myself won our championship game and became the number one team in Ontario. I had players telling me that without me, they would not have won the championship. I have never heard something that has ever made me feel so good about myself and my purpose on this earth. Some of the most gratifying feelings are given to me when parents come to me , thanking me, telling me how much their children talk about you, saying that you’re sincerely good at what you do, and more. I know that it takes a lot out of a parent to trust someone else with their child, because my parents are the same, to have parents hold that trust with me truly means the world to me. I’m on a mission to do very big things, and it’s all slowly coming together piece by piece. Coaching football honestly helped me decide what I want to do for my post-secondary education and career. Before coaching I was completely lost as to what I was going to do after high school, coaching made everything clear and it was like a work of God that after my vision had become more clear I discovered the Child and Youth Work program. As I read more on the program, I instantly fell in love and applied to three programs at three schools. I was blessed to be accepted into each one. My first year in the program really made me realize how much I love working with youth, and strengthened the drive to follow my dreams. In April, I completed my second year in the program. For the majority of the year I was working as a child and youth worker intern in a local public school. I spent my time working with a large variety of students. I worked with high and low risk behavioral students, students with developmental disabilities, and other exceptionalies. All in all, it sent me into reality and was only a preview of what’s to come in the future. Through many tests from clients and others, I never even had to think twice on if this was the right field for me. I was willing to go through whatever it took to leave successful and grow more as a person and professional. One thing I wanted to do was leave my mark at the school in the most positive way, and that is exactly what I did. I built some very good relationships with the students at the school. I exceeded my expectations and realized what I really am capable of, it only drove me to work harder. If it wasn’t for students I have worked with, and players I’ve coached I wouldn’t be where I’m at now, it’s funny how I had the goal of doing so much for them and then it ended up being so that they were unintentionally doing so much for me and changing my life. I love working with youth, I will give them my all until I have nothing left, and even when nothing is left I’m still going to put it all out there for them. The only thing that can stop me from doing so is me being six feet under. I want to change lives and I will. I may not have had a role model when I was younger, but I guarantee if I am not already somebody’s I will be. “I’m not saying I’m going to change the world, but I guarente that I will spark the brain that will the change the world.” …. I’m just a young man, I may not change the world but allow me to inspire someone who can…. I’m out. Peace and Love, @isaiahotf