iscrubmeclean

[iscrubmeclean]

I miss feeling safe. I wish i had a family who loved me. For me. With all my flaws. But im just a burden and always was, always will be.

Im sixk of tgem

[iscrubmeclean]

I honestly hate my whole life so much. I cant take it anymore.

My health keeps getting worse. I never feel good or safe or comfortable. I dont ever feel "at home". I genuinely hate my mother and cant wait to escape her grip and yelling.

My grades are great and yet when i look at the job market i just wanna cry. What did i destroy my mental and physical health for? An A- and shitty job offers only?

And then my classmate finds a 3800€ Brutto job. Great for you. Ill kerp being a failure by myself here, thank you.

I keep trying. I just cant. I dont have the energy anymore. All i feel is bad and i keep only surviving bc of saint johnsworth. Without those pills i only think of suicide and cry all day. Great.

I feel unlovable and terrible. I k ow its not true. Ive got great friends and a sweet boyfriend and yet i cant help but feel like everyone would be better of without me.

I keep regretting not killing myself at 18. I hate that my friend stopped me. It hasmt gotten better. Im still suffering.

[iscrubmeclean]

God i dont know how to deal with everything.

School is overworking me. We have so much to do and its only going to get worse before graduation. I didnt even have so much stress in my fucking abitur, how is a berdusschule worse?? (I know why)

I feel like im being erroded, im a shell of myself. I did SO WELL coping with my chronic depression, trying to work on my ocd.

And now im just back worse, im so incredibly suicidal everyone is worried for me. I just wamz to kill myself.

I feel like the worst person alive, snd i k ow its not true. My friends and partner love me! My art is liked! Why do i feel line i dont deserve anything nice that happens to me??!

I feel like i was destined to die young. Fuck, i never even planned to get past 18! And now i have to deal with all of this....

I dont know how to keep gping until may when my exams are. I just hope either life gets better or i can finally kill myself in peace knowing i tried HARD to fit into society. Im so sorry everyone but i dont think im fit to be there. I was broken too much for this world

[iscrubmeclean]

As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

[iscrubmeclean]

[iscrubmeclean]

Looooove my family triggering my ocd on purpose. Go fuck yourself

[iscrubmeclean]

Great they made my mood go from happy to sad within 10 minutes. Thanks. I wish i killed myself at 18 ugh i regret living everyday

I hate hate hate it

I hate that i still get upset when they insult me.

I literally want to go No contact, but why does being someones child just hurt so much?

[iscrubmeclean]

I hate that i still get upset when they insult me.

I literally want to go No contact, but why does being someones child just hurt so much?

[iscrubmeclean]

girls be like “fighting demons😤🤪” and the demons be their moms

[iscrubmeclean]

I hate having been raised religiously bc i feel so bad for thinking i wished my mom died but she didnt even feel bad beating me with a belt soooo. Thanks for the guilt, hope god will be happy to send me to hell for resenting my abuser 👍

[iscrubmeclean]

This is so funny but this is genuienly my plan. Either i get sane enough once i move out of my parents place or i kill myself

My ass is NOT repeating the cycle i want kids more than anything in the world but if i never beat my depression id rather kill myself and take myself out of the gene pool than cause this to another generation like my mom did lmao

[iscrubmeclean]

Oh my god i want to kill myslef so baaaaad

[iscrubmeclean]

God i wish my mother was infertile. It wouldve been better for everyone of us

You raises two kids, both of who wanted to kill themselves so bad

You failed your job as a mother miserably, and now you want sympathy that i dont worship you like a god? Do you even hear yourself?

You beat me with belts and told me no body could ever love me for who i am. Go fuck yourself

[iscrubmeclean]

your child had to learn to love themself after years of hating themself because of constant criticism, they had to learn to love every part of themself, their “flaws” and who they are. if the only love they ever got was from themself, then maybe you didn’t do such a good job as a mother

[iscrubmeclean]

I hate working weekends lol ive worked weekends only now for 2+ years and ive missed so many events birthdays vacations....ahem hem hem.im so sad my friedns are all meeting up again soon :,)

But at least im putting in my 4 weeks next week and have until the first of july left to woooooork

[iscrubmeclean]

Mothers be like "yeah i didnt get you to the doctors as a kid when you displayed -Symptoms of a heritable Disease we have running in the family-. How dare you have -Sympotms- you lazy ass child"

[iscrubmeclean]

Honestly i hate my life so much right now,i just want to die. If it wasnt for myboyfriend and sister od probably just kill myself.