isthisitbytaylornicole

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

40/100 days of jeon jungkook

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

"is this it?" BLOG POST #4: "we love an ally." how can we as young adults be ally's to the LGBTQIA+ community? what to do, what not to do...(and more.)

Author's Note

Welcome back to another installment of "is this it?" by Taylor Nicole. Thank you for tuning in and Happy Pride Month!🏳️‍🌈 I hope that y'all are having an amazing start to the week and an amazing Pride Month as well. Even if you are not a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, you can still celebrate and advocate for this stunning community during Pride Month and beyond. There are many ways to celebrate Pride Month that still allow you to stay safe (since we are at the tail end of a whole panny😷.) I have linked a website at the bottom of this post with ways you can celebrate Pride Month and still remain safe. This post is especially meaningful to me because I find it extremely important to continue to educate not only myself but also my peers and people around me about ways we can be ally's to such a groundbreaking community. Thank you to my dear friend Hassan B. Marong (@hassanmarong on instagram) for your insight and advice on this post.

"To be afraid is to behave as if the truth were not true."

-Bayard Rustin (A Black, gay, civil rights activist who worked with Martin Luther King Jr.) [refinery29.com]

(A quick disclaimer and reminder: "is this it?" by Taylor Nicole remains a safe space for ALL people regardless of gender identity, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious values, etc. Please remain respectful and insightful if you do decide to leave any comments or opinions on this topic as we wish to remain attentive to language used in this post and beyond.)

Before we can actually get into what it means to truly be an ally, we need to first define what an ally is. An ally is "a person or organization that cooperates with or helps another in a particular activity." [Oxford Definitions] The basis of any allyship is really the same regardless of what community you choose to support (which you will see as we move through this topic). To be an ally, you must first educate yourself on the community in which you are supporting. Specifically, in regards to the LGBTQIA+ community, education is extremely important. I'm not talking about having a Ph.D in the matter, but simply knowing the proper language to use and/or unlearning a lot of the language that may have been used in the past by our forebears when describing this community. This language may be deemed derogatory or unacceptable in the climate we live in today. Education can be a great stepping stone in your journey to allyship because it allows for a new sense of awareness within yourself that may ultimately allow you to build new relationships or rebuild current ones. Education can also come in the form of watching television shows that properly depict roles filled by LGBTQIA+ identifying people, listening to podcasts and/or reading books written by people of this community to get a better understanding of life in their lens.

The next step in your journey to being a true ally should be acknowledging your own privileges and unconscious bias. Often times we tend to forget that we too have experienced some form of privilege because we live in a society where our privileges are few in number. Whether its classism, able-ism, racism, cis privilege, heterosexual privilege and so many other forms of privilege, we all have experienced some form of unconscious privilege within our lifetime. Just having easy access to drinking water is a privilege that we often take advantage of (as an example of classism).

Having the ability to adopt a child is an example of how heterosexual couples were given privileges unaccessible to non heterosexual couples. Same sex couples were not allowed to legally adopt children until March 31st, 2016...so only 5 years ago if you were a same sex couple looking to start a family, you simply couldn't because the government and society deemed same sex couples unfit to provide a stable and "beneficial" household for children in foster care. Mind you, there were over 13,000 children in foster care in Michigan alone in 2020 and more that 400,000 children still in foster care today in the United States.

Also, as an ally, you must challenge your own tendencies to make derogatory jokes or unconscious comments and micro-aggressions (whether they were meant to be subtle or not) if you wish to be a true ally. Being an ally means you have to be ok with not only learning from your past transgressions but adjusting your language and actions in a way that is progressive and not conservative.

One of the most important steps, in my opinion, to becoming a true ally is consistency. What does it look like to be a consistent ally? It means you are an ally year round, not only during Pride Month. If you are a consistent ally, Pride Month should be an additional celebration to your already unwavering support and ally-ship that you exude year-round. Having a friend within the community does not automatically make you an ally. It requires a little more effort and there are many ways to show your support to this community that in fact requires very little work. Often times there is a very ablest view on a ally-ships. In other words, people often think you can only show support to a community by attending a social event or simply throwing a brick through a window in support of a community, but you can easily show your support by sharing a post to your story, purely listening to people, being inclusive in your language, being an ally out loud, or even writing a blog post😉.

The last thing I would suggest doing is probably the most simple, yet the most easily forgettable task and that is to have compassion. Compassion and empathy can allow for maturity in so many forms and ultimately compassion often leads to action. Compassion should always be the principle in which you base any ally-ship off of.

Hopefully this post has given you some insight on how to be an ally. Please join me again on my next installment of "is this it?" by Taylor Nicole. I hope to see you again next time. Have an amazing week and thank you for reading! 💛👩🏾‍💻

WAYS TO CELEBRATE PRIDE MONTH🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️👇🏾

https://mommypoppins.com/kids/june-is-pride-month-35-ways-to-celebrate-pride

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

"is this it?" BLOG POST #3: let's talk about money. what it brings out in people and how to manage it as young adults. (and more...)

Author's Note

Welcome back to another installment of "is this it?" by Taylor Nicole. Thank you so much for tuning in and supporting this blog. I hope you all had a fantastic week and Happy Juneteenth! Juneteenth is now a federal holiday! Although I still feel as if the government only made Juneteenth a federal holiday just to shut black people up, (we can get into that on a different blog) it is nice to see some sort of progress being made in regards to us trying to repair our immensely messed up society. Nevertheless, please use this weekend to educate yourself about why Juneteenth is so important and don't forget to celebrate this holiday. Often times, I feel as if we forget to celebrate the small victories because we are still in a battle over the more prominent issues. Take this weekend to commemorate this special victory while remembering that after the party is over, we have a lot of work still ahead of us. (And Joe...don't forget to run me my reparations! WHAT'S GOOD?!)

"Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which..." - Anthony Stark a.k.a IronMan

Money. Paper. Dinero. There are so many words we can use to describe money. Money can be your best friend, or your worst enemy. Money can build a relationship, and break one down. Money can save life and end one. Money is the only thing that is hard to come by but easy to lose. As young adults, we are extremely susceptible to all kinds of potentially dangerous ventures and it is not our fault. Financial literacy and simple money management was not something that was taught to me at any school I went to as a child. Many of the sticky financial situations we get into as young adults are due to our lack of knowledge on how to maneuver around them. Often times we may find ourselves in debt, taking unnecessary loans, falling into money scams, and looking for any short term money solutions that will ultimately put us into an even deeper whole than we began in. Money also has the capability to bring out many problematic, and even loathsome tendencies within people that can prove to be detrimental to any relationship.

For me, money truly began to take form in my life once I got to college. Not only was money very hard to come by, but it was even harder to keep. Between the social events, school supplies, door dash and any other unnecessary college paraphernalia, my pockets where emptying out quickly and the piggy bank was collecting more dust than dough! (I'm lame, I know.) I soon realized that I would need to find a job and I needed one quickly if I wanted to maintain this city girl/college girl lifestyle and persona. I knew very little about the importance of money management whilst in college and how spending my money so consistently would ultimately effect many of the relationships I made throughout college. Money also (very quickly) taught me not to expect much financial integrity from most people (especially from college students) because ultimately we are all broke and most times if someone can get away with giving the bare minimum, then they will give the very bare minimum.

If you have not already heard of the concept of "putting in" in regards to money in college, first of all, good for you. Secondly, it's essentially bullshit. This concept, in a nutshell, means that everyone puts in something towards whatever it is you are trying to buy. Either everyone puts in the same amount, or in most cases, you simply put in what you can. Often times, people say they will put in a certain amount and then end up putting in less (if anything) towards this common goal. I quickly learned to never be the first person to put in. Depending on the setting and the group of people that are involved, I always wait until everyone has gone to then offer up the amount I choose to put in. I do this for many reasons. The first reason being, people (especially most college students) will never divulge how much money they think everyone should put in, but will often choose an amount that is in fact less than what they might have originally put in if they knew everyone was in fact putting in that same amount. Secondly, the first person to announce what they are "putting in" primarily sets the tone for everyone else's amounts. If someone was to say "I'll put in $15", everyone else might then feel somewhat obligated to put in an amount closer to or around $15 because that is the tone that has been set in that particular instance. As apposed to if someone said "I can only put in $5", then that is the amount that will most likely be mimicked this go around. Essentially, I am suggesting that in future situations, it is better to bring your own car to race as apposed to getting in someone else's when you get there because they might not have any gas. 😬

Borrowing money is another tricky concept that most people have not fully seemed to grasp. This is why I no longer borrow money from people. Borrowing is defined as, "to take and use (something that belongs to someone else) with the intention of returning it." [Oxford Definitions] With the intention of returning it. This is the part that people seem to forget. As I mentioned in my last blog post, (don't forget to check that out if you haven't😉) I am not the kind of person that will bombard you, especially in regards to money. Simply ask yourself if you think you have the means or intentions to pay this person back and let that be the basis of your borrowing habits. Everyone will have to borrow money, to some extent, at some point in their life and that is perfectly normal and acceptable. It begins to get problematic once you have accumulated such a large borrowing tab that your intentions to repay are clouded by your inability to recognize some sort of moral culpability.

Lastly, it is important to have some sort of financial literacy. We are at the age now where most of us are beginning to have our own responsibilities for example, car notes, bills, rent ,etc. Simply knowing the components of what financial literacy is is a great place to start. Financially literacy [as defined by www.corporatefinaceinstitute.com] is, "the cognitive understanding of financial components and skills such as budgeting, investing, borrowing, taxation, and personal financial management." Straightforwardly, knowing how to open and maintain a bank account is a great place to start. No more carrying around your life savings and wads of cash in your pocket. First of all, that is problematic and unsafe and opening a bank account is free. Remember to be smart with your money. Treat it with care because as easily as you may have gotten it, it can just as easily be taken away.

Please join me again on Tuesday in my fourth installment of "is this it?" by Taylor Nicole where I will be discussing the topic of: how to an ally, in celebration of pride month 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️. I hope that you enjoyed this post and thank you so much for reading. I hope to see you again! 💛👩🏾‍💻

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

"is this it?" BLOG POST #2: nobody likes me! unpacking the idea of momentary relationships and how temporary connections teach us permanent lessons. (and more...)

Author's Note:

Welcome to another installment of my blog "is this it?", by Taylor Nicole. I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming love and support I received on my very first blog post last Friday. I was taken aback by the amount of positive insight I experienced. I enjoy so much having these discussions with you all in the hopes that I can ignite some form of inner dialogue within yourself. In this blog post, I will be diving into the many relational encounters one person can have and how each one teaches us a different lesson about adulthood. Lastly, I hope that everyone is having an amazing week so far. I also hope you are keeping cool out there by staying hydrated, eating good, and staying away from that drama because it encourages breakouts and breakouts are not cute!🕵🏾‍♀️🧬

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends we choose.” — Tennessee Williams

When I was younger, I strongly believed that I only needed one close friend for the rest of my life. It had to be a girl and she had to like everything that I liked. No exceptions. She had to listen to everything I said and I only needed to see her at school. No outside obligations or engagements. Most importantly, she could only be MY friend. As I got older and grew out of that extremely counterproductive and rather detrimental mentality, I began to understand the many different types of interpersonal relationships that one person could have. I learned that there were different relationships for different seasons. I learned that you should not confide in everyone because not everyone keeps things confidential. I learned that everyone is not "cut from the same cloth", meaning that I might think something is a standard in my household because I have been raised to believe that it is, but in other households that same standard may not be upheld. For example, I put sour cream and cheese in my chili, but I know of a lot of people who would frown upon that deed because that is not something that occurs where they come from. I've also learned, in most situations, people are very easily influenced by others and tend to flock towards what is comfortable and not what is divergent. Yet, through all these things I have learned within my journey to complete relational awareness, something that has stuck with me the most is the whole notion of consistency within relationships and how inconsistencies often expose inadequacies within a possibly already deteriorating relationship. Allow me to elaborate.

Think about all of the relationships you have formed throughout your life, whether they are inactive or not. Friendships, romantic relationships, kinship's, etc. Ask yourself if you have noticed a specific relationship that can stand the test of time. Imagine if you were to refrain from talking to this person for a certain amount of time. (It may have been intentional or unintentional.) Once you or the opposite party does decide to reconnect, are you able to pick back up as if nothing has changed, or do you find yourself at a perplexing interlude in which all parties involved feel content with the current status of the relationship (or lack there of) and no-one seems to really question your ability to remain consistent? In other words, are you eating just to eat or are you eating to get full? Are you asking yourself, is this it...and what are you getting from that relationship?

From my perspective, a relationship can only be beneficial if both parties are providing something to benefit off of. The relationship should feel natural and never forced. Once the relationship feels forced, you begin to lose that interpersonal aspect which should be the foundation of any relationship. It is not necessarily about how many times you talk to or see this person out of the week. It is about what you are doing to maintain that bond when you do speak to them. You can't expect a flower to grow in an empty pot. Yes, a relationship shouldn't be all about what you receiving, however, a flower has to receive water in order to grow. (I'm feeling the flower analogies today obviously.) It's time to really unpack this subject because my suitcase has been open on the floor for a while now and I returned from that trip a long time ago.

I am that person that loves giving gifts. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifts. Random gifts. I love it all. My love language is gift giving. I took a quiz about it and everything. I love showering my loved ones with gifts simply to make them feel special. However, I am not the kind of person that will ever expect something in return. I will not bombard you. I will not hold a grudge because you forgot to give me a two month friendship anniversary gift. I will simply sit back and watch things unfold. I will collect my data, compose a thesis, and use my findings to predict if a reoccurrence of certain events is bound to happen in the future. What I am essentially saying is I, like many other young adults, have been a victim of giving too much at times. Not only in the form of gifts, but I noticed that I was giving too much time, energy, sympathy, and forgiveness to the wrong people. So much so, that I was forgetting about those deserving relationships that were not getting nearly enough attention. Overexertion is defined as "the act of engaging in too much or too strenuous exertion." [Oxford Definitions] In other words, I was doing too much. You can overexert yourself not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. If I truly wanted to overexert myself in a relationship that I wasn't benefiting from I would've just kept calling the Mindless Behavior hotline just to get to a voicemail of Princeton and pretend like I was actually talking to him. (This became a several times a week phone call at one point.)

You MUST enforce quality over quantity when in comes to your mental well being. In other words, it is ok to be selfish sometimes. You cannot allow flagrant relationships to impact your life in a way that becomes counterproductive to your overall prosperity. In addition, if you have noticed that you are in fact that fairweather friend who makes once a year occurrences to keep up moral and appearance, it is not too late to make a change! Also, it is ok because we all have had moments where we may have fallen short of maintaining those important relationships. I surely have.🤕 Now that we know better we can do better.

Also, do not forget to set boundaries in relationships while remembering that once you set the boundaries you have to express the boundaries. The analogy, "closed mouths don't get fed", is so entirely prevalent today because as young adults, expressing our feelings about unpopular opinions or personal boundaries (especially in relation to friendships) can prove to be catastrophic when trying to maintain these relationships. I have been a victim of this in so many relationships in my life (as made very clear to me by one of my closest friends😬😂). I have found that if boundaries are not established at the beginning of a relationship, and passive aggressive approaches are taken when attacking issues, this leaves room for reoccurring uncomfortable conversations, distrust, resentfulness, and so many other impediments that will ultimately hinder a relationship. Throughout my many trial and error investigations, I have found that once boundaries are broken, it becomes extremely difficult to move forward and continue playing uno after so many draw fours and skips have been stacked against me.

I have decided that when it comes to my mental wellbeing and the wellbeing of those I care about, I will not allow certain situations to obstruct my way of thinking. Obstructing it so much that I am forced to change how I approach specific scenarios and alter my reactions. Temporary relationships teach us such permanent lessons because we are constantly learning them. When we experience such a brief yet memorable and harrowing relationship, these relationships are the ones that allow us grow and once you go through something you grow through something. We learn so we can move forward and change certain things so any future or ongoing relationships receive a different and more beneficial approach.

Ultimately, I hope todays post has given you a new form of relational awareness and know that once you do decide to rehabilitate those neglected relationships, you must practice consistency. Either be consistent when maintaining these relationships or be consistent in removing relationships from your life that are not beneficial because you can create such a open space for growth not only within yourself but within that person on the other side of the relationship. (A relationship is a multiplayer game. Only available on xbox though.😬)

Please join me again on Friday in my third installment of "is this it?", by Taylor Nicole, where I will be discussing the topic of Money💵: what it brings out of people, and how to handle it as a young adults. I hope that you enjoyed this post and thank you so much for reading. I hope to see you again! 💛👩🏾‍💻

LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS BELOW! I WOULD LOVE TO CHAT.💛

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

just checking in hoping you guys are having an amazing weekend so far. see you on tuesday with a new blog post!💛👩🏾‍💻

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

"is this it?" BLOG POST #1: hey, you! meet adulthood. the ghetto, if you will...

Author's Note:

First of all, welcome to my blog! It feels so surreal to be saying that because this is something I have wanted to do for so long, but fear, laziness, and "plans" kept me from doing so. I am so happy that you have decided to take time out of your day to sit and read my post. I'm so excited to be able to share these stories with you all about my dirty little cousin, Adulthood. She doesn't mean any harm, she just doesn't know any better. Trust me. I hope you are intrigued by what I have to say and I would love to chat with you in the comments about these topics. Enjoy!

"Don't you find it odd, that when you're a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you're older, somehow they act offended if you even try."

-Unknown (The Hottest State)

I can say, without hesitation, that I was not fully prepared for what adulthood had to offer. She came without remorse, but made sure to bring all sorts of debt, the occasional iffy encounter, and topped it all off with a micro-aggression or two (or ten). In these instances where I was thrown into situations dealing with money, racism, self-identity, relationships, etc., how did I handle these episodes with minimal detrimental impact on my inner psyche? The answer; I didn't because I didn't know how to.

I vividly remember the process of applying to colleges, final senior presentations, deciding what school I wanted to go to, all while being molded in the belief that college was the best option, if not the only option, for young, black, teenagers, like myself, who wanted to be successful. Please don't misunderstand me when I say this. I definitely agree with the fact that as young adults we should be able to take advantage of all the opportunities given to us including continuing an education at a four-year institution and experiencing all that college has to offer like social engagements and freshmen fifteen. However, I do not believe that is the only way to solidify success in a society where situations like going to a four year conventional university have become the norm. While we are molded into believing a four-year college is one of only three options for teenagers of color [the other options being pregnancy or prison as stereotype culture has taught us] we are limited in the knowledge of only knowing how to make it TO college, and not how to be successful THROUGHOUT and beyond college and I am a prime example.

Due to the stigma of black high school dropouts, often times, high schools in cities like Detroit (who primarily house students of African decent) strive for one-hundred percent high school graduation and college acceptance rates ,as apposed to, one-hundred percent college fulfillment and graduation rates. In other words, they don't care how you get home from the party, as long as you were invited. And I mean who can blame them?! While primarily white high schools with students trying to decide if they want to attend either Harvard or Yale are spitting out graduates left and right, primarily black high schools can't even get scantron sheets on time for their junior students to take the SAT, which is it supposed to be an equal opportunity test for all students, accept those with brown skin of course. (This happened at my high school btw.)

Then I get to college only to see that all of my professors are old, white, dirty men, which is not in fact the demographic I grew up within. Is this it? Is this what my parents are paying almost forty-thousand dollars a year for? Is this your King?! 👨🏼‍🏫Well, I'm here now and I guess I need to stick this out. Never mind being one of only four black students in an intro to political science class of almost forty-five. Never mind having a black roommate who didn't know if she wanted to be Ebony or Ivory that day. Her white boyfriend did tell me I had nice skin one day which was nice of him. Never mind me working at the McDonald's right across the street from my dorm my freshman year where almost everyday somebody I knew would come and try to get free food from me. (That didn't really have anything to do with my hardships during my time at college, but it was irritating trying not to get caught smuggling cookies and McFlurries out of the store every other day. I was too nice obviously.) Never mind having to refrain from using any kind of ebonics in order to fit into conversations and/or lectures about political science topics in order to sound more professional and educated to my white peers and professors (A.K.A code switching😶‍🌫️ 🎛). Overall, the majority of my time spent inside the college classroom setting was often done in ways that involved me faking it until I made it, until I didn't make it.

I dropped out of college at the end of my sophomore year and at the time it seemed like my biggest failure. Not only did I feel like I failed myself, I felt like I failed my family and closest friends and quite literally I failed most of my classes😬. Not to mention the thousands of dollars in student loans left for me to pay back which was bound to happen anyways but that is a totally different conversation for another post. (Sallie Mae better hope she don't catch these hands.) I felt like, as do most young adults my age, there was a timeline on my success. If I didn't get that college degree in four years, and have a car and apartment by twenty, my life had no worth. This narrative was brought on not only by my school environment growing up, but it was brought on by the climate that we live in today. As young people, we are so easily influenced by pop culture, social media, YouTube, sports media, our peers, music and so many other ideals constantly bombarding our everyday lives. We're shown these unrealistic almost fantasy-like scenarios in which all you have to do it make a prank video in order to make money and once you have money, fame, and a VLONE shirt, boom, you have worth! Why am I rushing to fulfill these egregious standards set by these dull influencers who can't even spell egregious. Success does not have only one definition. To me, success is defined by your own standards and not society's. And college is not a one stop shop!

The picture of adulthood has been painted so monochromatically that I have at times lost my ability to dare to dream bigger than what has been laid before me with society's crusty hands. Yes I plan on finishing my education at a four year college, but at the time, my college experience would not have allotted me the opportunity to discover the world of Cyber Security and the many job opportunities and networks I've been exposed to.

All in all, take advantage of ALL the opportunities you encounter whether they are laid out in front of you or even if you have to network to find them.

This was just a piece of the perspectives I am excited to offer as I continue to share my stories in this world of blogging and rediscovery. I hope I didn't scare any of you off already because in my next blog piece I will be diving into more aspects of adulthood and the whole notion of relationships(romantic and non); do we really need them tho? and how do we weed out the bad ones and water the fruitful ones?

PLEASE TUNE IN ON TUESDAY FOR MY NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "IS THIS IT?" BY TAYLOR NICOLE AND THANK YOU FOR READING!💛

By: Taylor Nicole

LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS BELOW! I WOULD LOVE TO CHAT.💛

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

ABOUT ME💛

Hey! My name is Taylor Nicole. I am a twenty-one year old part-time student and Cyber Security Specialist in the making from Detroit, MI looking for a creative outlet to share things that have been heavy on my noggin. I have always had a passion for writing and sharing my own stories and experiences in the hopes that someone besides me can learn and grow from them. This is an open and safe space for everyone and I hope to engage and entertain you with my unfiltered ideas and opinions, all while constantly asking the somewhat life altering question “is this it?”. Keep a look out for a "isthisit.blog.com" website coming soon!👁💻 [For a more optimal desktop reading experience, click my icon and then click the title link at the top left corner of my viewing page or click the link below for the full website.]

FMOI📸 @taybanz__

FMOT🐣 @taytayalwaystrippin

[isthisitbytaylornicole]

BLOG DESCRIPTION

“Go through things, grow through things, glow through things.” (quote: @wetheurban on instagram and tumblr)

⏸DISCLAIMER: the following blog does not cater towards our Anlgo-Saxon originating friends, although if you are a white person looking to expand your knowledge and educate yourself beyond the white perspective then this blog may serve that purpose. Expect to widen your lens and outlook on life by viewing adulthood in the eyes of a young, black woman living in an increasingly oppressive, fast-paced society.

⏯Everyday, as young people of color apart of a diaspora of folks all ages still discovering their self identity, we are forced to ask and answer our own queries about life’s biggest shortcoming; adulthood. Were we properly prepared as children for all the twists and turns of adulthood as people of color? Are we learning more about adulting from life experiences and human interactions rather than from conventional school settings and parental influence? I will be answering all these questions and more through personal stories and reflections, and hoping you all enjoy my dark humor and lighthearted outlook on life. Look for weekly posts on Tuesday and Friday mornings!💛

-The author