italkhere8

[italkhere8]

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Have you ever dreamt of escaping your life and starting fresh somewhere new? It's a common feeling, especially when you're stuck in a rut. For now, my rut comes in the form of deciding where to live. I'm caught between three places: my cozy (maybe a little too cozy) parent's house, my current apartment, and the dream of a new place yet to be discovered.

Let's start with my parents' house, a place where interesting things happen… mostly inside my head at 3 am while everyone else is snoozing peacefully. Unlike them, I become a hoarder's walk-in closet of late-night thoughts. They mercilessly attack me one after another, like a desperate salesman trying to meet his quota for an failing company. Just when I think I've mentally digested one thought, poof! Another one appears, even worse than the last. This cycle continues until the sun peeks through the window, reminding me of how I have messed up my body's own clock. I love being around my family, but sometimes our interactions turn into random spats. We forget them fast, but they leave me feeling like I've been hit with a Monday morning for a week straight. No friends around means you'll find me rotting in bed, mindlessly scrolling, most days. Basically, my life feels like a hibernating chipmunk, except my eyes are wide open and I'm stuck in the rat race of capitalist survival. Can't be a busy bee here, working for the honey (money) that way. This place is definitely home, but right now it feels more like a staycation from the life I actually desire. Flying 1500 kilometers away from my parents' house was a big step. Staying away from a place you've called home for so long is tough. You truly have to be on your own. This apartment feels less like a home and more like an escape pod from my staycation at my parents' place. The freedom is great, but it's isolating. Even surrounded by people, I still find myself drifting away. That's one reason roommates aren't my thing. I crave solitude and a space that's truly mine, a place where I don't have to worry about anyone else's hygiene habits or adjusting my entire routine to accommodate another person .While grappling with isolation, I keep hitting the snooze button on my life, which will eventually take my sleep away in the future. I just finished my Master's, but I'm haunted by indecision. My head is a swirling pool of "what ifs" and "should haves." I'm like an unmotivated swimmer, overwhelmed by all the paths I could take. I don't want to drown in a sea of regret, so I know I need to pick a direction and start paddling. Okay, so roommates are a hard pass. I mean, I love the social and economic perks of shared living, but my inner people-pleaser goes into overdrive, and let's just say it's not exactly conducive to adulting. That's why I'm obsessed with these YouTube vlogs where women are living their best lives in cozy little places, like queen bees in their own hives! They're cleaning, whipping up delicious meals, and conquering their goals all at the same time, while rocking their pajamas. It's the independence that seduces me – the chance to be totally myself and not worry about someone overstepping boundaries or having to clean up other people's messes. Sure, having a place of your own isn't just about worrying about creeps (safety first, always!), it's about having a space that's like, totally yours. A space that smacks you upside the head and yells, "Well, hello sleepyhead, pull yourself together and work for the life you crave! Stop stalking others on Instagram and worry about your own life!" So here's to everyone who's finding a place where they can truly blossom and become the epic versions of themselves!

Thank you<3

[italkhere8]

“THE FIRST STEP IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST.BUT ONCE YOU TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP,THINGS WILL GET EASIER FROM THEN ON”-IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

I’ve always wondered about my passions. Neither during my childhood did I have hobbies, nor any talents that I could have developed into a career. One thing I do know is that I’m easily influenced. So, one evening, I decided to pursue English because people often complimented my language skills. My wishful thinking convinced me it would be easy since I was supposedly good at it naturally. Following impulsive decision, I now find myself questioning my choices and seeking an outlet to express myself.

This is how “I Talk Here” was born: straight from the oven of my chaotic mind. I’ve always enjoyed talking to people, but only certain people. Otherwise, I feel very uncomfortable around others. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves lost, unsure of what to do, feel, or think. Some days I feel mature, and others, like an idiot stuck in a loop of worldly do’s and don’ts. On those “idiot” days, I tend to talk a lot to myself, my thoughts scattered like wrinkled clothes after a depressing self-fashion show. I wanted an online space to express myself without needing to show my face or see anyone else’s, but still connect with people around the world.

I’m overwhelmed right now, writing my very first blog post. Waves of self-doubt and insecurity crash against the very core of my happiness. But even amidst the complexities of my mind, I found hope from a line in my favorite Korean drama, “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay” (you would have seen the quote at the beginning if you read this far). Taking inspiration from that line, I started writing what you’re reading now, and I’m grateful for your eyes and mind.

The message I want to convey is this: no matter how flawed or useless you think you are, always find the courage to create many “firsts” in your life. We never forget our firsts. They stay with us on the memory shelf of our brain, a place we can revisit to escape the everyday blues or share with someone who might be anxious about their own firsts. So, let’s do something we’ve been putting off because of fear or anxiety. You’ll never know unless you try. From my experience of creating my first blog, i can imply that it might be not easy at first to create “firsts”, but it will surely be an inspiration to lean on when you feel lost in life. I will be interested to know your “firsts” and the journey of your “firsts”.

Thank you!