ivy-own

[ivy-own]

I wish I could run my existence on my own, have everything be completely up to me. I’m so sick of relying on other people.

[ivy-own]

I wish my parents wouldn’t complain every time they have to do something for me.

I’m sorry I’m a burden.

I’m sorry you need to do things for me.

I’m sorry I exist.

[ivy-own]

I feel like I genuinely stopped being able to cry properly. I already feel like I have to hide it when I do cry, but even when I’m on my own, I try to let it out and feel better but I just can’t.

[ivy-own]

Need to share this thing that happened to me I’m still in shock (in a good way)

So 2 weeks ago I had a dream that I had this knife, like a box cutter one, and it felt really good when I cvt. I was kinda sad when I woke up bc all I’ve been using are these scissors that are kind of blunt and don’t work that well.

Anyways I was going through a colour pencil set I got for my birthday, and there was some extra stuff in there too, whiteout, sharpener, erasers… and a beautiful thin silver box cutter knife.

(I was showing someone the pencils when I noticed it and had to keep a straight face)

But it works really well, it’s small/thin so I can keep it on me easily, and it’s quite sharp, I could see a bit of blood when I wasn’t even pushing down all that hard. And though I wish I didn’t have to use it, it’s gonna make dealing with people back at school in a few days so much easier.

[ivy-own]

I can’t stop having dreams about my ex-friends. I can’t even ignore the pain when I sleep, which is my escape. But I could never tell them that I miss them, because then I let them win.

[ivy-own]

Eating feels so gross. It’s like I enjoy the way it tastes, especially if it’s good texture, but actually eating and swallowing…makes me feel sick.

[ivy-own]

how "I'm proud of you!" makes me feel :

[ivy-own]

I NEED jirai friends in my school. I want someone I can go to the bathrooms with and cvt and chill with for a bit. When I’m having a shitty mornings, I want someone who can suffer with me. Someone who might actually keep motivated.

[ivy-own]

I wish my parents would just pick their battles about what is worth yelling about. Not everything needs to be a huge deal. Maybe if you didn’t act like I was useless just because I thought something was unnecessary, I wouldn’t want to cvt myself after dinner.

[ivy-own]

THIS is peak feminine aesthetic for me. Dark jirai I will always love you.

[ivy-own]

"You seem so mean"

Literally me:

[ivy-own]

I hate reality I prefer staying dissociated and with my eyes glued to the screen

[ivy-own]

The sweet irony of me setting up this blog instead of doing my psychology work, which is writing a report on an article about depression and anxiety.

[ivy-own]

- Intro Post -

Name: Len - I'm also happy to go by anything Mafuyu uses (Mafuyu/Yuki/Own)

Pronouns: Any, but he/they preferred (I'm transmasc or genderfluid or something so it's a bit all over the place)

Age: 16

Some of my kins: Mafuyu Asahina (pjsk), Honami Mochizuki (pjsk) Basil (Omori), Ame (needy streamer overload), Yuri (ddlc), Furina (genshin), Mizuki (genshin), Kris/Frisk/Chara (deltarune/undertale)

DNI: Basic criteria, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, racist, sexist, ableist, pedophiles, anyone who is against mental illness recovery.

Although I'm using Mafuyu Asahina from project sekai as the visual, this is not a roleplay blog. I just kin them a lot, and am using them as a sort of avatar. I may use some of their official art/cards as "reaction images" when I post.

I am not trying to glorify mental illness or self harm in any way. I'm not interested in breaking any rules here, I just want some where to get thoughts out.

If you don't like what I'm posting, just block, don't report.

I have not yet been diagnosed for anything, however I likely have autism.

This is a sideblog, and I'm not (currently) going to share my main.

My askbox is open, so feel free to vent, no judgement here. If you can, specify if you are or aren't happy for your ask to be posted. If there isn't any indication, I will default to not posting it.

Similarly, feel free to dm me if you want to vent.

You don't have to be venting if you want to say something though, send me a statement or a silly question, it'll make me happy.

If you want to be moots, I'm very happy to, but I will follow you with my main.

Although I'm happy to listen to people and will do my best to, if I really don't feel like responding, it's my choice not to. At the same time, don't automatically assume I won't respond to something.

I'm going to get some things wrong, so be patient with me.

Tags:

#len-vents - Vent posts

#len-reblogs - Reblogging posts similar to my own

#len-writes - Poetry or writing or similar. I'm kind of just giving some freeform stuff a go, it won't necessarily be very good but it helps get feelings out.

May add more to this into if I feel the need to.