jahrnull

[jahrnull]

OMG I can't wait to head home tomorrow. At least, after the last week, I can safely say not having kids was the best decision I've ever made.

[jahrnull]

Touch my muse! Touching is a quiet way of conveying your feelings, so tell me how you feel with your touch!

Top of head: Sibling affection/parental affection

Hair: Yearning

Ear: “I want you to hear me out.”

Nose: “You’re so cute.”

Cheek: “I want to tell you I love you.”/Deep affection/Devotion

Neck: Dislike/Hate/Disdain

Shoulder: Worry/Concern for other/Fear

Waist: Possessiveness/“You are mine.”

Over the heart: “I love you.”

Butt: Sexual attractiveness/lust

Hip: Interest

Back: Wanting to kill/will betray you one day

Stomach: Fun!/Silliness/“Wanna go cause some trouble?”

Forearm: Indifference/Don’t particularly care for

Biceps: Aggravation/Irritation/“You are an idiot.”

Fingers: Friendship/amicable

Wrist: Fear of losing you

Knee: “Don’t worry, I’m here for you.”

Chin: Beauty/attractiveness

Thigh: Sympathy/empathy

Calves: “I will cause you pain.”

Feet: “I will serve you forever.”/Deep devotion and and feelings of servitude/extreme fealty

[jahrnull]

ofchoicesanddoubts‌:

Once upon a time John Smith had considered himself a lucky man. He’d had everything he ever wanted. A strong wife he loved with all his heart and three beautiful children to look after and a position that allowed the family to live their lives in relative freedom and in relative luxury.

It was true, he had never been incredibly fond of the regime… Had never quite shared the ideology of the party he and his wife had joined to protect their new-born son. All of it had initially been nothing but a means to survive and only very slowly as time went by and he rose in ranks of the Reich did he start to actually believe what he was told over and over and over again

In the years to follow, the Smith family had had everything they’d have wanted and more. They were happy. They were together and they were safe. They were leading quite the perfect life even in a world such as that and he was almost certain it would stay that way forever.

Little did he know how wrong he was in thinking that.

His most recent promotion to Reichsmarschall did by no means bring along the advantages he’d hoped it would. Quite the contrary in fact. For ever since the death of his son, his marriage had crumbled and finally broken when Helen and his two girl had fled from him. In a way it was ironic really, to realize that what he had hoped would serve to protect his loved ones had, ultimately, destroyed his family. Those he cared most about and would have given his life to protect had abandoned him and oh how close he had been to giving it all up when something dawned on him…. He might have been trapped in all of this for too long already, but it was only then that he realized that the only way to freedom was the way forward, the few remaining steps up to power until he would be the one in charge of everything

If he wanted to win his family back, he’d have to put an end to all of that madness. It was the only thing left to do and that’s why he continued this whole ridiculous pretence, making everyone believe what they wanted to believe until they’d come to realize it was too late. He hated his duties, especially those that forced him to meet with those fools from Berlin but he had no choice so he walked in to the meeting at the Blue Angel hoping time might pass as soon as possible.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips the moment the last of them had left for their car and John turned to glance over his shoulder, pleased to find the woman who’d been singing the whole evening standing over at the bar. Of course, technically he was still married but where was the harm in having a little chat with a lovely woman such as her? With that thought in mind he was soon on his way over to her.

“You wouldn’t mind if I bought you a drink, would you?” he asked as he came to stand beside her.

It was with relief that Frankie watched as the German delegation left the Blue Angel. She knew it might mean the loss of the Reichsmarschall as well, but would that necessarily be a bad thing? This entire venture was dangerous, however it might benefit the Resistance. She hadn't relished the idea of entertaining an entire table of Reich officials, no matter what information it might glean for her contacts.

It was surprising, then, when the Germans left, and John Smith remained. Even more surprising when she watched from the corner of her eyes as he made his way over to her at the bar. A momentary thread of fear weaved it's way through her as she wondered if her true purpose had already been discovered. Frankie had heard the Reichsmarschall was a shrewd individual, rarely bested at his own game. It wouldn't be beyond belief, then, for him to already know of her work with the Resistance.

At his approach, Frankie was immediately struck by the piercing gaze focused on her. John Smith had always come across as a handsome man in media, but in person he was stunning. Imposing in both uniform and the way he carried himself, but his eyes and bone structure made him almost impossible to ignore. No wonder he was so feared; Frankie doubted there was much those eyes didn't see. Still, she had to force away her own revulsion at facing a man who had so easily and completely turned against his own. Her own father had died to protect what this man had so casually tossed aside. She wondered how someone like John Smith was able to sleep at night, knowing he was directly responsible for the deaths of so many Americans. His countrymen.

Taking a moment to gather her wits about her, Frankie took a slow drag off of her cigarette as she watched him, before offering a soft smile at his words. She forced herself to ignore the uniform, and just focus on the man who stood before her, instead.  

"It's a rare occurrence, having a visit from the Reichsmarschall... let alone the offer of a drink. I'd be honored." She extended a slim hand toward him. "Francis Daubney. My friends call me Frankie. Welcome to the Blue Angel, Reichsmarschall Smith."

[jahrnull]

ofchoicesanddoubts‌:  

John gave a silent nod in response to her word. She was blaming him for all of this and who was to say she wasn’t right to? It was indeed his fault in more than just one way and he was very well aware of that very fact. After all, he had brought this upon his family in the first place, had he not? By slipping on that damned armband God knew how many years ago, he had doomed his family to spent their lives in this…. hellhole of a place.

This hellhole of a world.

What he had fought so desperately to hide from the rest of the world, and those in Berlin in particular, had been the sole reason for this son’s disease to begin with so yes…. It was his fault and his alone. Regardless of whether or not Helen was, as of yet, too kind to put into words, he knew that he was the one responsible for his son’s death. His own defect had killed his own flesh and blood and that very knowledge was beginning to wear him down. It was a burden he doubted he would be able to bear for much longer.

And yet he continued to rise higher and higher in ranks. It was ironic, really. As though some evil force was pushing him closer and closer to everything he knew was wrong. But he couldn’t just turn his back on the party and flee either. Much as he might have wanted to, for he was full aware of the fact that doing that would only serve to pose a even greater threat to his family, to everyone he loved and had vowed to protect.

God, how he hated this. All of this!

For a moment that felt like eternity Smith simply stood there, fingers massaging his forehead but perhaps it had all just been an attempt to hide the weakness that the obvious sadness in his eyes would have expressed.

“Do you think I do not know that, Helen?” he sighed, eventually as he gave an indifferent gesture of his hand.

“Do you think it isn’t weighing down on me every second of every day that have failed my promise to protect my family? Because I can assure you that it is driving me to the edge of sanity to know that I couldn’t save him, that I am the one to pass this on to him… that I didn’t have the strength or courage to raise him and the girls in a world better than… the one we are trapped in.”

For a moment, the desire to reach out to him swept over her, and the love they’d shared with one another for so many years came back. She couldn’t allow herself to give into it yet, though, to just forgive John and let him go on thinking this life they’re living now is all right. Where they were now—none of it could be changed. They couldn’t take back the things they’d said and done. Not to others, and not to themselves. Not to their children.

“So what now, then?” Helen found herself asking as she stared back at him. “Where do we go from here? We can never go back. And I can’t keep pretending. Jennifer can’t keep pretending. And we’re in danger of losing Aimee to the same philosophy that cost us Thomas. I can’t—” Helen shook her head. “I can’t stay here anymore, John. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with this. Okay with us.”

Helen knew they were low on choices. Her husband would be hunted down if he were to try to leave and escape to the Neutral Zone. Maybe he would fair better in South America, but honestly, she didn’t know if she wanted that. It would be safer for her and the girls to leave again; easier for them to escape this. And maybe... maybe she and Jennifer would find some hope in saving Aimee before she was entirely lost to them, before she turned on them. Turned them all in.

It hurt her, the thought of leaving John behind again. Leaving him to his own devices. But what more could she do? He was a danger to her and their girls, and if there wasn’t a way to fix this, a way to make things right—so much blood on their hands—how could he ever make up for what had been done?

Taking a step closer to him, Helen finally allowed herself to reach out, lay a hand against his arm, squeezing gently. “I know that everything you’ve done, every decision either of us has made, has been to protect our family. But they were the wrong decisions. In the end, they were selfish. We need to make the right ones now, John. And I hope—I want us to make those decisions together. No more lies. No more omissions.”

[jahrnull]

semi-plotted starter || @ofchoicesanddoubts​​  

The Blue Angel was packed as usual, save for the reserved tables that lined the dance floor, the best seats in the house, of course. Nazi officials always rated the best seats, but Frankie couldn’t recall a time someone as high-ranking as the Reichsmarschall auf Nord Amerika had paid Manhattan’s swankiest and most elegant nightclub a visit. First opened by a Jewish man during the war, the Blue Angel had shut down for several years at the beginning of the occupation before a wealthy investor from Berlin had reopened it to a far more... exclusive audience. It was only due to her work as a voice for propaganda jingles in the Hitler Youth throughout her teenage years that had even qualified Frankie for an audition with the club.

When her contacts in the Resistance had reached out to her regarding the visit, Frankie had considered turning down the job.  A Befehlsleiter or Gauleiter visiting from Berlin was fairly common, and It was one thing to chat up the occasional Oberführer or Brigadeführer, ply them with drinks, work her womanly wiles until their tongues loosened with information helpful to the Resistance. But it was something else entirely to imagine approaching something similar with Reichsmarschall Smith. Not only was he the most hated of all Nazi officials among true Americans, a man who exemplified treason and the destruction of American ideals, she’d heard enough to know that if her mission were discovered, the end result would be particularly unpleasant.

No, Frankie didn’t want this job at all.

But, if she were able to get close to Smith, the information gleaned from him could be invaluable. There were rumors that his wife and daughters were no longer living with him, that trouble had been brewing even with regard to his position within the SS ever since the death of his son, Thomas. A lonely man tended to be an easier target. Frankie could only hope that the same could be said of the Reichsmarschall. Not that she’d be overly upset should he leave the club that night and she not set sight on him outside of a television set from then on. Lesser known Nazi officials were far more to her liking. 

It was near the end of her second set when her eyes caught sight of several Nazi uniforms entering the dining area, escorted by the club’s host to their reserved tables. Frankie loathed those uniforms, and everything they signified, but she flashed her most sultry smile, eyeing each man in turn before settling on the imposing figure of Reichsmarschall John Smith.

[jahrnull]

continued from (x) || @ofchoicesanddoubts​

I’ve spent most of my life loving him, Helen found herself thinking as she stared at John’s profile while he gazed out at the city their penthouse overlooked. Far above everyone and everything. It had become far too easy, far too ingrained thanks to the lives they’d led since the end of the war, to just forget, ignore, feign ignorance of the world around them. Yes, she’d loved him for a very long time, but looking at him now, Helen barely recognized the man she’d married. Felt nothing of the soft, warm passion that had once swept over her every time she’d gazed at him. Felt... nothing, really.

She’d heard it was difficult for a marriage to survive the loss of a child. Was that it? Had losing Thomas signaled the end between them? Or had it been inevitable long before? Had their fate been sealed the moment he’d slipped on that armband?

Blanching slightly as he turned the blame back onto her, bringing her back to that night so long ago when nothing had seemed more important than her newborn son having something to eat, Helen’s eyes narrowed, shoulders straightening. No more the passive, obedient wife of the Reich. 

“I told you to put on the armband,” she snapped back, waving a hand toward the symbol forever wrapped around his sleeve. “To save our family. I never told you to become—this.” She waved instead toward his uniform. “To take it this far. To put our family under a microscope. To force us all to become examples. The perfect little Nazi family. Thomas died,” she drew in a shaky breath at the words, “because he wanted to make you proud of him. The great hero of the Reich. So yes, John, I do blame you. I was there, remember? I was the one who had to watch our son walk away from me to his death while you were being hailed by all of Berlin.”    

[jahrnull]

* soft family things

‘ i love you so, so much. ’

‘ stop putting your head down in my house. you know my rule. it’s all love and all pride in this house. ’

‘ lost things have a way of turning up. ’

‘ watch your mouth. ’

‘ not so fast. you still have some vegetables left. ’

‘ very funny. ’

‘ i think you’re due for a haircut. ’

‘ come on. bedtime. ’

‘ and when were you going to tell me? ’

‘ i’m glad you came into my life. ’

‘ you were talking in your sleep. ’

‘ come here. i’ll fix it. ’

‘ this show sucks. ’

‘ mom/dad, can we go home now? ’

‘ you forgot something. ’

‘ can we stay like this for a little while? it’s nice. ’

‘ hot chocolate helps. and good company. ’

‘ you’ll feel better once you take your medicine and have a nap. ’

‘ close your eyes. it’s a surprise. ’

‘ it’s good to have you home. ’

‘ i’m not angry with you, just disappointed. ’

‘ your shoe’s untied. ’

‘ i missed this. ’

‘ hey, hey. sit down. deep breaths. ’

‘ will you tuck me in? ’

‘ go to your room and stay there until you’ve calmed down. ’

‘ i heard crying. i got worried. ’

‘ don’t use that tone with me. ’

‘ well, i love you more. ’

‘ just focus on my voice. that’s it. you’re okay. we’re okay. ’

‘ this movie is too scary. turn it off. ’

‘ how long have you been sick? ’

‘ don’t play with your food. ’

‘ i’ll stay right here until you fall asleep. ’

‘ don’t even think about going outside without your coat. ’

‘ i’m not asking you, i’m telling you. ’

‘ you can pick the story tonight. ’

‘ everyone needs somebody. we got each other. ’

‘ you call that a hug? ’

‘ i was the same way when i was your age. ’

[jahrnull]

(     *     BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S PROMPTS   !    

——     truman capote.

❛  never love a wild thing.  ❜

❛  you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get.  ❜

❛  it’s better to look at the sky than live there. such an empty place; so vague.  ❜

❛  you call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing”.  ❜

❛  you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage.  ❜

❛  no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.  ❜

❛  it may be normal, darling; but i’d rather be natural.  ❜

❛  the answer is good things only happen to you if you’re good.  ❜

❛  anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe them a lot.  ❜

❛  i don’t want to own anything until i find a place where me and things go together.  ❜

❛  you know the days when you get the mean reds?  ❜

❛  suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.  ❜

❛  you can love somebody without it being like that.  ❜

❛  home is where you feel at home. i’m still looking.  ❜

❛  everybody has to feel superior to somebody.  ❜

❛  i told you: you can make yourself love anybody.  ❜

❛  a girl doesn’t read this sort of thing without her lipstick.  ❜

❛  we don’t belong to each other.  ❜

❛  leave it to me: i’m always top banana in the shock department.  ❜

❛  i’m very scared. yes, at last. because it could go on forever.  ❜

❛  you’re wonderful. unique. i love you.  ❜

❛  it should take you about four seconds to walk from here to the door. i’ll give you two.  ❜

❛  i’ll never get used to anything. anybody that does that might as well be dead.  ❜

❛  love should be allowed. i’m all for it. now that i’ve got a pretty good idea what it is.  ❜

❛  nothing very bad could happen to you there.  ❜

[jahrnull]

Keira knightley in The Edge of Love (2008) dir. John Maybury

[jahrnull]

Would any MitHC blogs be interested in a thread with Frankie? My OC is calling to me. I’m sad how small this fandom is, even with so much that can be done with it. 

[jahrnull]

quietresistance‌:

                    CHEEKS  QUICKLY  HEATED  AT  THE  woman’s  reaction  to  her  choice  of  words,  so  natural  had  the  addition  become.    The  reaction  only  increased  her  inability  to  look  the  other  in  the  eye,  the  highest  her  gaze  rose  was  to  the  woman’s  nose.    All  of  her  willpower  strained  to  simply  keep  her  in  place  and  not  dart  off  like  a  frightened  rabbit.    Her  little  rebellious  forays  were  never  to  spend  time  with  other  people…  no,  she  avoided  them,  if  only  to  protect  herself.    Instead,  she  simply  watched,  pretended,  to  the  best  of  her  ability,  that  nothing  was  wrong,  nothing.

                    BUT  NOTHING  COULD  BE  FURTHER  from  the  truth,  bruises  hiding  underneath  her  clothes.    Still,  she  stayed  in  place,  watching  with  a  bit  of  facination  as  the  woman  powdered,  a  simple  element  of  normalcy  that  drew  the  lonely  girl  like  a  moth  to  a  flame.    That  the  woman  wasn’t  snapping  at  her  to  get  lost  or  anything  of  the  sort,  kindness  through  a  lack  of  cruelty.    Despite  all  that,  when  the  compact  snapped  shut,  Katherine  startled  visably,  taking  a  quick  step  back  with  wide  eyes.

                    CHEST  HEAVING  FOR  A  MOMENT,  Katherine  simply  shook  her  head  in  response,  eyes  darting  to  the  sidewalk  beneath  their  feet.    Wariness  returned  in  full  force,  not  certain  how  to  come  back  from  her  fear  quite  yet.        ❝  No  where…  ❞        Perhaps  she  should  run  away,  run  straight  back  to  the  Home.

One brow rose slightly as she watched the young girl startle at the sound of her compact closing, but Frankie didn’t remark on it as she slipped the item back into her purse. It was obvious the young thing was scared out of her WITS, ready to scurry away at the slightest provocation. Not that Frankie could blame her; the streets in the Reich were safe, but no one wanted a run-in with the police, or worse still, the SS. They could make even the most law-abiding citizen among them feel like a CRIMINAL in no time flat.

“Nowhere, hmm?” Frankie didn’t believe that for a moment. She knew the furtive glances and wide eyed wariness all too well from her own personal experience. “Not that it’s any of MY business, but you look a lot to me like someone who might just be running away.”

The last thing her young friend needed was to be caught out wandering the streets alone by the authorities, and while normally Frankie didn’t insinuate herself into other people’s business---it was safer to look out for oneself in this world---something about the frightened little lamb in front of her spoke to Frankie. Taking a step forward, she reached out to gently loop arm and arm with the girl, patting her hand in assurance as she guided her down the sidewalk.

“M’names Frankie, not that you asked, and trust me when I say I know when a gal’s out and about in places she don’t belong---don’t look so scared. Contrary to what some might say, I don’t BITE. Not usually anyway, depends on if someone deserves it or not,” she teased, eyes scanning the area ahead for anyone they might not wish to encounter. “I never did catch your name, sugar?”

[jahrnull]

pursuitcfhxppiness replied to your post “pursuitcfhxppiness replied to your post “The dialect coach for...”

It was so random though. Like how did you find me? Am I showing up in your suggested? And if I am...WOAH....how????

LOL Right? I have those same questions! And why she decided to follow me... I guess for the horses, but she randomly like an old profile pic of me with Darren Criss XD

[jahrnull]

pursuitcfhxppiness replied to your post “The dialect coach for TMITHC started following me on Twitter… wtf?”

OMFG SHE LIKED THE PICTURE OF MY GRAMS ON INSTA

Okay that’s awesome! I like this lady, a lot!  Also, we seem to have horses in common lol

[jahrnull]

The dialect coach for TMITHC started following me on Twitter... wtf?

[jahrnull]

beyondthxsea‌:

Had a nice, relaxing ride on Scarlett today, and she was well-behaved because I’ve spent the past two days just paying attention to her, and not Gabe, of whom she is terribly jealous. I don’t know what she is going to do when she finally gives birth to my colt. He’ll probably have to be weaned a bit early as I can just imagine what kind of bitch she’ll become.

Oh another note, after narrowing down the names for my colt from like 50 to 5, I ended up coming up with another one today that just hit me out of the blue! I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before, and now it’s like my favorite. So we’ll see if it sticks over the next 6 months until he’s born…

Am going to order a pizza, play with the idea of making an apple crumble, turn on Victoria and get some replies done up in here. Say hi if you wanna chat!

[jahrnull]

I’m around. Playing with some fanfic at the moment, then will turn attention to some drafts. Nothing going on tonight, and have already been out to see the horses.

I’m on discord (beyondthesea #0423) if you wanna chat or rp.

[jahrnull]

quietresistance‌:

                    TIPTOEING  HER  WAY  OUT  OF  the  home,  Katherine  felt  true  exhilaration  in  shattering  the  rules.    Perhaps  she  would  even  manage  to  get  away  with  it…    Perhaps  no  one  will  catch  her.    In  either  case,  she  would  have  a  chance  to  taste  a  little  freedom,  the  tiny  bit  she  could  eek  out.    And  for  the  girl,  that  would  be  the  only  rebellion  she  could  have,  no  matter  the  punishment  which  would  fall  on  her  shoulders  for  it  if  she  didn’t  return  before  everyone  woke.    Drawing  her  coat  close  about  her  against  the  fall  wind,  she  walked  with  as  much  confindence  as  she  could  muster.    If  no  one  thought  her  presence  strange,  then  nothing  would  happen.

                    EYES  WIDEN  AS  SHE  NEARLY  plowed  into  a  young  woman,  at  least  a  few  years  older  than  herself.    For  a  moment,  her  eyes  showed  a  little  terror  before  she  quietly  attempted  to  dial  it  all  back.    Nothing  was  wrong…  not  a  single  thing.    Her  lips  turned  up  into  a  little,  nervous  smile.        ❝  Sorry,  didn’t  see  you  there…  Ma’am.  ❞        ——    @jahrnull  ||  frankie

Frankie was never one to run late. That is, she never admitted out loud to being late to anything, fashionable or otherwise. It was entirely possible she might not be on time according to someone else’s timekeeping, but by Frankie’s figuring, she always arrived when planned, intermittent dawdling or otherwise. That night, though, she might have dawdled longer than meant before heading to the club. Her feet traversed the darkened pavement quickly, knowing the path so well from her apartment in Hell’s Kitchen to the Copa where she sang for the GNR’s elite that she could likely make the walk in her sleep.

She hadn’t thought she was moving that quickly, though, to be forced into an awkward little dance in order to avoid the young girl who suddenly appeared directly in her path. Letting out a breath of surprise, hand pressing to her heart a bit more dramatically than necessary, Frankie’s eyes widened, and then just as quickly narrowed, when the girl apologized.

“Ma’am? Ma’am? Oh, Jiminy Cricket! Does my makeup really look that poorly tonight?” She flipped open her handbag, digging for her compact quickly, and flipping it open once in hand to try to catch a glimpse beneath the streetlight. Sure, she’d been in a bit of hurry when getting ready that evening, but she didn’t look THAT bad.

Still... she dabbed a bit of the powder against the tip of her nose, gaze surreptitiously wandering over the girl before her. She seemed a little young to be wandering the street of the city all by her lonesome.

“And just where are you off to in such a hurry at this time of night?” Frankie snapped the compact shut, slipping it back into her purse, fixing the younger girl with a curious gaze.