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So. My abuser finally moved out. But half his shit is still here and he still visits at least twice daily.
All I wanted was a fucking break. I was so happy to go home after my shift last night. And then he shows up as I'm getting ready for bed, and gets the dog worked up, and just. Doesn't leave. I'm trying to SLEEP and he's in the room because "he misses the dog"
#YOU HAD ALL FUCKING DAY BITCH#YOU COULDVE HUNG OUT WITH THE DOG WHEN I WAS AT WORK#BUT NOOOOO#FUCK YOU!!!!
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another beautiful bisexual plagued by back pain... many such cases
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the poetry behind my phone buzzing and my immediate reaction being "OH YOU'RE TEXTING BACK YOU'RE TALKING SHIT YOU'RE DENYING" and the reality being my mood tracking journal saying "you haven't updated in x amount of days" is truly.... something
#this blog was supposed to be a recovery journal not a decline journal#oops i guess#anyways. aunt has discussed smoking with me#and now i am currently drunk#im not as bad as i (may) seem#i just forget to post when sober#however#thank god i have 0 followers rn#because DAMN am I on the downhill#and while I realize it now#i hope something deeper and more powerful within me recognizes it soon and takes over#because rn. well. hm.#i may be a semi-normal college kid#or I may be Much Worse.
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think i might be coming downfrom drunkeness but fr what if anot gonna post that nnope nope noep
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note to future self: look up search historu
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gnawing on this lamb(?) like a well done steak. the gnawer
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drunk me should leave something nice for sober (future) me
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sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time
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“No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.”
— Clementine von Radics
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not even JRR Tolkien, who famously developed the concept of the Secondary World and firmly believed that no trace of the Real World should be evoked in the fictional world, was able to remove potatoes from his literature. this is a man who developed whole languages and mythologies for his literary world, who justified its existence in English as a translation* simply because he was so miffed he couldn't get away with making the story fully alien to the real world. and not even he, in extremis, was so cruel as to deny his characters the heavenly potato. could not even conceive a universe devoid of the potato. such is its impact. everyone please take a moment to say thank you to South Americans for developing and cultivating one of earth's finest vegetables. the potato IS all that. literally world-changing food. bless.
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"I dont thinlk we can animal crackers our way out of this one boys" - me upon realizing I Drank Too Much
#let this bee a lesson learned#gtookn my g.lasses off so now i can no longer see#am i screwing myself? perhas#uh oh
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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
#OOPSIE?#I MADE A SERIOUS MISTAKE#LUCKKILT THERE IS NO DRINK LEFT#DO NOT CONNECT THE DOTS#SHIT FUCK BITCH#SWEARING#I MADE A MISTAKE#writing#journal#drunk posting#only adding non caps tags based on saved/preexisting#<EXCEPT THAT ONE#ONLY TURNED OFF CAPS LOCK FOR THAT
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Me earlier: hee hoo today is a good day! I love this song! Me now: FUCK FUCK FUCK TOO DRUNK TOO DRUNK
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wtining text posts is not enough. i need a security camera in my bedroom
maybe it will stop me from making (bad) decisons maybe it will show nhow many times i hit backpasoace on my typos
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