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[jang-ye-rim]

[9:17PM]

The bone-chilling cold wind seeps through your thin coat, unprepared for the onslaught of the bitter winter cold. You pull and wrap the fabric closer, hoping to trap any residual warmth left near to the thin clothes underneath your coat that you had worn to the dinner that evening. Despite the bleakness of winter, you revel in the undeniable beauty that is the Han River - the large expanse of water and the street lamps that line the path, throwing a warm glow on the bare trees and the still, unmoving water.

The night is still and quiet, aside from the occasional rustling of dried leaves along the sidewalk and the steady clinking of your stilettoes on the concrete path. It has been a long time since you had last been to the Han River, and the previous memory is cloudy and hazy, buried under many other experiences. You note the fuzzy spreading feeling of nostalgia as you stroll slowly down the path, little concern for your companion in the night. The sereneness of the night is washing away the tension you had felt all evening. And even though you are fully aware of the stranger walking slightly ahead, the silence and privacy he has allowed you makes the whole situation less stressful than you had envisioned it to be. You continue down the path behind him, content at your own leisurely pace that places some much needed distance between the both of you.

Now, almost alone and left to your thoughts, you take your time to take in the tall figure ahead of you the way you had not earlier that evening. With a clearer head and a more settled set of emotions, you trace the outline of the stranger who would soon become your husband. You lay your eyes appreciatively on his broad, strong and sturdy shoulders and his lanky, lean frame. Your eyes follow the straight line of his posture and watch his assured and confident steps as he walks ahead in order to give you your privacy. You remember the warmth and kindness in his eyes, the way he had gazed at you attentively earlier that evening and also his gentle, sincere manner even when you were alone on the drive to the Han River. It baffled you, honestly, that Jinyoung wasn’t the questionable character your anxious mind had made him out to be. But then, why would an eligible bachelor of his calibre and character agree to an arranged marriage in this day and age? The questions and doubts swirl in your head, unable to reconcile themselves to the present reality.

*****

A comfortable silence hangs between your two figures as you sit side-by-side on the bench, looking at the reflection of the pale moon and vibrant city lights upon the still river water. Neither rush to speak, content at reveling in the absolute stillness of the river at this hour. You rub your chilly hands together with the woolen scarf Jinyoung had offered to you upon settling on the bench. It had been a kind and genuine gesture of concern that both impressed and baffled you, as you struggled to reconcile the reality of the man beside you with the expectations you had had of him. You are grateful, nevertheless, for the scarf which still held traces of his warmth, for it helped greatly to warm you up. The kindness and sincerity Jinyoung had shown the entire night was beginning to challenge your expectations for the arranged marriage, making you wonder whether there was reason to hope that it wouldn’t be as disastrous as you had imagined it to be. And judging by the way his scarf is warming not just your hands, you are beginning to accept the reality that maybe it isn’t going to be as bad as you thought.

You keep your eyes fixed ahead on the brilliant reflections of the city lights on the river surface, afraid to even sneak a glimpse of the man beside you from the corner of your eye. It has been a long time since you had last made a new friend, and now thrust with that task again, you are lost on how to begin. And it doesn't help that Jinyoung seems to possess a certain unsettling effect upon you. It isn’t so much a repulsion or dislike - it is more of the way he seems to be able to disarm and stir you in ways you haven't felt before, and it is unnerving to realise that he already has such a profound effect on you. It makes you wonder whether this feeling is merely from the nerves of your first meeting, or whether they are here to stay.

Jinyoung shifts slightly in his seat as the winter wind blows again, sending the dried autumn leaves rustling and swirling around your feet. You snap out of your thoughts at the slightest movement, bringing you back to the reality of sitting on the bench with the man who would soon become your husband. What is it about Jinyoung that makes you so hyper aware of his presence? You aren't even sitting right next to each other on the bench, yet, you can feel his presence as if you are sitting with your shoulders touching. Jinyoung possesses such an assured, and calming air, and it seems to fill the space between and envelop you in a way that quietens your uncertainties. And to think that this is merely the beginning - you have a long way to go, but in this moment, you know that all your expectations have already been exceeded.

*****

The first thing you say all night apart from your greeting at dinner is to ask Jinyoung why he had agreed to the arrangement. The words had tumbled out so quickly that they had seemed too direct and impolite, but it is a question that has been worrying your mind ever since finding out about the arranged marriage. You wince at the way your voice sounds more unsure and tentative than you had wanted it to be. You keep your eyes firmly set ahead on the river water, afraid that if you turn to face Jinyoung now, all of the little confidence you had mustered to begin the conversation would vapourise into the chilly night.

Jinyoung turns to rest his eyes on the girl beside him, caught by the way your sweet voice pierces the ensuing silence between you. Settling on the bench earlier, he had had no intention of forcing a conversation, and so it comes as a surprise when you initiate the conversation first. He notices the way you refuse to face him as you speak and chew ever so slightly on your bottom lip in a nervous gesture that is both endearing and amusing. Under the soft, dim glow of the street lights, your sharp features are softened considerably, making you look more like the young lady you are, and not the woman you appeared to be.

The pause Jinyoung gives before he answers the question is heavy, settling like the dread that had crept insidiously into your consciousness ever since learning about the arrangement. You half expect him to tell you that he doesn't want this either, and you are alarmed to find that you might be disappointed if he says so. But then he speaks, the answer soothing over the jumble of thoughts in your mind.

"Because I love my grandfather and he had always talked about the arrangement with such a joy that made me realise how important this must have been for him. How could I deny him his last unfulfilled wish?" "And besides, what's so bad about trying?"

You shift slightly in your seat for the first time since settling on the bench, the gravity and truth of the words striking deeply and sinking into your consciousness. His words repeat in your mind again and again. What's so bad about trying? You feel an absurd confidence and courage surge through you, before you begin to turn towards Jinyoung - tentatively at first, and then all at once. Turning, you are met once again with Jinyoung's rich hazel eyes. Your heart instantly picks up pace like clockwork, tingles spreading through your body from his gentle, sincere gaze. You wonder whether it is your settled nerves, for under the dim sidewalk lights, Jinyoung seems even kinder than you already knew he was. The words you want to say next hang at the tip of your tongue, but you take a moment to trace your future husband's features one more time. You take in his strong, chiseled jaw and square chin, the sharp lines of his defined features, the straight line of his nose, and then lastly the way his masculine features are offset by the tenderness of his eyes and slight youthful fullness of his cheeks.

Jinyoung watches with surprise as you turn to face him, as if suddenly possessed by a determination so unlike your previous withdrawn self. Illuminated by the glow of the sidewalk lights, Jinyoung is again struck by the lightness of your brown eyes, the way they are soft and reveal a vulnerability you try so hard to hide.

"Well …" You begin rather awkwardly, realising that you had been staring at Jinyoung for a moment too long. "I reckon I must thank you then, for assuming the best of my character. I guess it's rather flattering that you thought so highly of me even before you met me in person. I hadn't had the luxury of hearing much about you before tonight." Your lips twitch up slightly in a timid smile then, and Jinyoung marvels at the way it seems to light up your whole face. You won't admit that unlike Jinyoung, you hadn't been as kind in your expectations of him; it is not an appropriate time to tell him you had expected the worst of his character - not today, not now when you are just warming up to each other.

"Why, we could always start again - right now. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Park Jinyoung."

You look up from your lap to see the amused expression in Jinyoung’s hazel eyes and watch as they turn into slits and crinkle endearingly at the corners when his lips stretch into a broad, mesmerizing smile. It makes the corners of your own lips tug up further as you reach to take his outstretched hand in a handshake shyly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too."

Jinyoung wraps his fingers around your hand, engulfing yours completely, enjoying the relaxed look on your face - the slight amusement dancing in your eyes, and the growing smile. You feel the warmth from his large hand warm places other than your feeble hand in his. Staring at the man before you, whose hand lingered with yours, the distance between you both on the bench doesn't seem as significant anymore.

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[jang-ye-rim]

[1:37PM]

You ease youself into bed, slipping under the warm covers with a towel wrapped around damp hair. Fresh from a much needed bath, you feel more awake to look around and take in the sight of your room. A small, sad smile tugs at the corners of your lips, as a fresh wave of melancholy washes over you. Your room is exactly as you left it more than 6 years ago - the pale pink girly wallpaper and all-white furniture just as you remember it. The trinkets and picture frames you had displayed on the shelves had not been moved since you left, and the housekeeper had even made the bed with the floral sheets you had loved as a little girl. Coming back to the room you had grown up in to see it preserved in its original state made you feel like you had never left, and like you had never grown up. It is a reminder of how young you had been then - the last time you had inhabited the room, and how young you still am now, despite the arranged marriage looming in the horizon.

You recall the sting of unhealed and untended grief you had felt when the car had pulled up to the family property earlier. You had seen your grandfather's favourite bellflower plants still growing neatly in the garden, and that the makeshift tire swing still hung by the frayed rope from the old maple tree in the front yard. The sight had stirred up dormant feelings of grief and longing, for it had raked up rich memories from your childhood. Your grandfather had loved his garden, and he had made the makeshift tire swing himself when you were in kindergarten. It was like your grandfather had never left, the way the garden still remained exactly the way he had always liked it. And for a delirious second in the car, your eyes had shifted to the front door expecting to see your grandfather emerge to welcome you home like he had always did. But of course he didn't, he couldn't. Entering through the front door back into your childhood home had been a similar experience. You didn't have to take a second look to realise that the paintings on the wall were still hung like he always liked, unchanged. The cream wallpaper was the same, the furniture arranged the way he had always wanted it. It was as if your grandfather still lived in the house and the very next moment he would be sauntering into the living room from around the corner, with a newspaper under his arm and a cup of warm tea in his other hand like he always did. But he never appeared no matter how much you stared, waiting and it was with a profound sense of emptiness that you had trudged upstairs to your old room, once again reminded that the very person that made this house so special was gone, forever.

A quick rap on the door jolts you out of your reverie. The door cracks open, your sister's head popping in before she pushes it open completely to come in. You try your best to smile, but it is difficult after being enveloped in such melancholic thoughts. Your sister weaves past stacks of unpacked boxes before plopping herself down on the bed.

"How was your flight, Unnie?" Your sister's cheery personality and light hearted mood is a stark juxtaposition to your gloom.

"It was okay." You reach to rub your face several times. You hadn't gotten much sleep on the 6 hour flight back to Korea from Singapore, but had been too nervous about the dinner meeting with the Parks to even rest after you arrived home.

Your sister pauses to take a proper look at your room, a slight grimace appearing as she surveys the girly and princess-y décor.

"You had such poor interior design tastes, Unnie" She scrunches up her nose as she peers around.

You kick your younger sister lightly, an expression of mock offense on your face.

"Yah, what do you expect? I was like what, 4?" Your previously tense countenance relaxes considerably in response to your sister's attempts to lighten the mood. That was something you had always appreciated about her - her light hearted personality was undoubtedly an effective neutraliser to your own more uptight seriousness.

Unlike the rest of the family, your sister had not been old enough to remember living in the house. She had been a mere baby when your family still lived in the house with your grandfather. And they had moved out and to another city in Korea before she had even started kindergarten. It was hence no wonder her sister had had an entirely different reaction when returning to the childhood home she had no memory of.

She proceeds to ramble on about her day and the progress she has made with unpacking, as well as all the ideas she has for making over her room. You let your sister's mindless chatter wash and soothe over the spiralling thoughts of the dinner tonight. You appreciate the fact that she has not mentioned anything remotely related to the arrangement or the fact that you will meet the man you are bethrothed to tonight. You know she must be dying to ask you about what you are going to wear, and if you have any idea of how Park Jinyoung looks like, but she distracts herself by taking the liberty of rummaging through your unpacked boxes. You come to an easy decision that there is no urgency to unpack the boxes today - there are most pressing things to worry about, and the dinner is only one of them.

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I

[jang-ye-rim]

[10:08AM]

The automated doors of the airport arrival terminal slides open, as a crowd of tourists pour out of the Incheon International Airport, excitement hanging thickly in the air around their relentless chatter. You smile slightly at their excitement as you follow behind them, stepping out from the warm threshold of the airport arrival terminal into the blistering Korean winter. If only their excitement could make up for the lack of your own. The bone-chilling winter breeze blows relentlessly, as dark clouds hang overhead in the gloomy sky. It is as if the weather is mirroring the melancholy and dread that has been welling up since your parents broke the news to you weeks ago. Well, welcome home you sigh resigned as you wait for the car to arrive.

*****

You lean against the door of the car, head turned to observe the cosmopolitan Korean cityscape that whizzes past the window as the car careens along the highway towards Seoul. How things have changed. You hadn't been back in more than 6 years and could tell how much more advanced and cosmopolitan your homeland had become. Your homeland now felt foreign, but familiar at the same time, and you wonder whether it is the change in the landscape or yourself, that made you feel that way. It is a brutally honest question you can't really answer. All you know is that it feels different, and that the impending engagement and wedding has something to do with it.

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[jang-ye-rim]

[1:26PM]

"You're not as bad as I expected."

Jin Young's attention snaps back from taking in your family's property, a startled but amused expression colouring his features. He watches the girl sitting in the old tire swing hanging by a frayed rope from a weathered tree. She's almost as tall as you are, and she sways gently back and forth, her feet barely brushing the ground, disturbing the dried leaves scattered at their feet.

"Well … I guess I have to thank you then." A broad smile pulls up Jin Young's mouth at the girl's brutal honesty. 

Jin Young watches as your younger sister rocks in the swing some more, before resting her feet on the ground to push herself into a fuller swing. In a lot of ways, Jin Young can see his future wife in the younger girl’s features. You share the same big eyes, framed by thick, long lashes and the slender elegant nose that you have both inherited from your mother. As he had driven through the driveway earlier, Jin Young had been struck by how much you both resembled each other - he had nearly mistaken the younger girl for you when he had driven past her swinging in the swing. But now, on closer inspection, Jin Young can see how your eyes are lighter than your younger sister's, and that whilst your features are sharper, your younger sister’s features are softer, rounder, lending her a more youthful look appropriate for her young age. Yet, that isn’t the biggest difference Jin Young has noticed. Your younger sister seems to possess a spark, a spunk that is so juxtaposed to your mellow gentleness, and he had seen the glint of mischief and adventure that perpetually danced in your younger sister's eyes. And of course, her present statement has certainly confirmed his observations.

"I really thought you were going to be a douche. But I hadn't told unnie that because she had already been so nervous." Your younger sister continues as the swing slows down once again to a slow rock. 

Jin Young nods, recalling your stiffness and distant manner during the dinner. As much as he lacks a clue of where the present conversation is going, he is content in enjoying your younger sister's refreshingly honest personality.

"You know, this is unnie's favourite spot on the entire property."

Your younger sister looks up directly into Jin Young's eyes. That is another thing that is different about the younger girl - she hasn't been afraid to look him in the eye, and it makes him wonder why you couldn't.

Your younger sister looks up into the face of her future brother-in-law, deciding conclusively that he has a good face. You had said little about him when you returned from the dinner several days ago and that had only served to fuel her already fertile imagination. She had wondered whether Jin Young had been so horrendously disfigured or utterly lacking in manners that you had refused to discuss about him. But now looking at the kindly and gentlemanly figure before her, she knew how wrong she had been. Your younger sister observes the deep hazel eyes of her future brother-in-law, the way they display a kindness and sincerity and soften even further when she mentions you. She makes a mental note to tease you about Jin Young's eyes later, knowing how much you must have been taken by them.

"Mind telling me why?"

Jin Young's interest piques, hoping that he can learn more about his future wife from the young girl before him. Your sister seems more ready to share about you than yourself.

"Unnie built this swing together with harabeoji. She told me that she used to sit on the swing everyday after school and wait for him to return from his appointments, because this spot gave the best view of the driveway and the gate."

Your sister fingers the grooves of the tire as she continues to rock gently. She would never forget the sadness you had displayed when you told her about your memories living on the property. It had been the first time in a long time that you had talked so openly about your grandfather since he had passed away. You had never been the same since your grandfather's passing years ago, and there were times your sister felt guilty that she didn't seem to share the same amount of love you had for your grandfather, because she hadn't known him like you had.

"Your sister must really love living on the property again then, since it's your grandfather's residence." Jin Young replies, taking another look around the property - the neat garden of bellflower plants, the weathered trees and the house that looks well lived-in. You must really love this place, Jin Young thinks. He can almost imagine a young you running across the lawns and swinging in the tire swing. And it makes him wonder how you were like as a child.

"Well … unnie loves this place. But she isn't happy here anymore. It reminds her too much of our harabeoji, that’s why."

Your sister's voice becomes quieter now, recalling all the times she had seen the faraway look in your eyes when you walked around the house. She knows that you remember how life used to be in the house in a way she hadn't had the chance, but sometimes she thought that maybe you remembered too much for your own good.

Jin Young turns back to look at your younger sister, hearing the change in her tone, and notices the way her smile has turned a little melancholic at the irony of what she has just said. It instantly reminds him of the air of melancholy that you seem to carry around with you.

"Please promise you'll make unnie happy," She continues, before Jin Young has found a reply to her previous statement. The younger girl's eyes have lost all mischief or amusement now, her expression solemn, almost pleading.

"She hasn't been as happy as she was before for a long time now. And I have a feeling you can make her better."

Jin Young swallows, the new revelation of his future wife weighing heavily on his heart. He would try - he had to try.

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[jang-ye-rim]

[10.48PM]

You lean against the door of the car, your head turned to observe the cosmopolitan Korean cityscape that whizzes past the window as the car careens along the highways of Seoul. How things have changed. You haven't been back in more than 6 years and you can tell how much more advanced and cosmopolitan your homeland has become. Seoul now feels foreign, but familiar at the same time, and you wonder whether it is the change in the landscape or yourself, that makes you feel that way. Sure, it is the same Korea, despite its advancements, but are you the same girl that had left more than 6 years ago? That is a brutally honest question you can't really answer. All you know is that you feel different, and you know that the impending engagement and wedding has something to do with it.

Your mind drifts to the dinner you've just had with your future husband and in-laws. You recall how small your hand had been compared to Jin Young's, the way his long, slender fingers were able to wrap totally around your hand in the handshake you had exchanged. And stark contrast in the temperature of his hand, the warmth of his immediately thawing yours. You remember the way your future husband had towered over you, almost one and a half heads taller than your frame. And when he smiled, his full lips stretching upwards and cheeks lifting, his eyes had turned into half-moons merging with the endearing wrinkles under his eyes. In the dim light, your eyes had traced Jin Young's features - his short and thick chestnut hair that was tousled away from his face, his attentively warm brown eyes and reassuring smile.

You simultaneously feel relieved and overwhelmed by the discovery of who your future husband is. And rather than settle the doubts in your mind, the discovery has decidedly triggered more questions. But you keep yourself from going down that path in your head tonight. It has been a long day, and you have the rest of your rapidly approaching future to figure these things out.

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[jang-ye-rim]

[7:15 PM]

Jin Young observes quietly as you greet his parents, trying to notice everything about you, his future wife, all at once. Dressed in a simple, fitted white blouse with sleeves that reach your elbows and a long, high-waisted, wine-coloured midi skirt that modestly skims your knees, Jin Young's eyes trace over the slender, elegant line of your physique. Your thick, brunette waves hang past your shoulders, swaying with every move you make. And the warm yellow lights in the dining room seem to reflect off the wavy surfaces of your thick locks in ways that make it fascinating to watch as you move. Jin Young can't help but wonder how old you actually are. His eyes follow the straight line of your elegant posture, and observe the poise with which you approach his parents to bow respectfully. Jin Young finds it hard to believe that you are only nineteen, going on twenty, especially with the grace and maturity that belies your true age. And when you speak to his mother, he is pleasantly surprised at how smooth and mature your voice is, your pronunciation crisp and your tone steady. Your behaviour speaks of a cultured, sophisticated lady, one well-trained in etiquette and formalities. But that is not what strikes Jin Young the most about his future wife. Instead, it is your eyes - the rich light brown orbs that seem to tell a story so different from your calm, pleasant expressions. He had noticed it first when his mother surprised you with a welcome hug as soon as you had entered the room. Whilst your face had remained smooth and calm, Jin Young had caught a glimpse of the shock and distress that flashed across your eyes, the panic momentarily darkening your brown orbs. He had had to fight the urge to chuckle then, not so much at your predicament, but at the fact that his mother's enthusiasm could be so overwhelming at times. And then when his father had embraced you next, Jin Young noticed how the panic and shock in your eyes had dulled slightly, but had been replaced - for a split second, by something that looked like sadness. Jin Young smiles to himself, surprised by the interest he is already beginning to take towards the young girl before him. What is it about you that has captured his attention and made him compelled to examine you so closely?

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[jang-ye-rim]

[6:54 PM]

Your stilettoes clink on the cool marble floor as you follow meekly behind your parents through the restaurant corridor towards their private dining room. You reach to smoothen your wine coloured skirt with your cold and clammy hands, wondering whether it is the nervousness or the air conditioning in the restaurant that is making your hands feel so cold and numb. Taking another deep breath, you attempt to reign in your flustered emotions, but to no avail. Your heart is thumping and thundering in your ears, drowning out the soothing soft jazz playing in the restaurant background, and making it difficult to concentrate on any coherent thought. The dim surroundings of the restaurant is making it an even more disorienting experience, and you can only make out the outline of your parents as they walk ahead, led by a waiter to the private dining room. You have never felt this nervous or lightheaded before - apprehension and anxiety surrounding you thickly, making it hard to breathe. Who could blame you? Sitting in one of these rooms is the man you are going to pledge your life to, and his parents, who are going to become your new family. Your mind swirls with all the worst possible scenarios that could happen at the dinner. You had let the anxiety and apprehension fashion up these dramatic worst-case scenarios whilst you had gotten yourself ready for the dinner that afternoon. And you had rehearsed in your head all the possible ways to react to them as well, psyching yourself up to meet your future husband and parent-in-laws. However, all the mental preparation has done little to boost your confidence or quiet the doubts in your mind. Are you ready for this dinner? Absolutely not, but you just hope you won't embarrass yourself and your parents too much. Are you ready to meet your future husband? Of course not, for you would've much rather preferred to deny his existence for a little longer if you could. And are you ready to give up your freedom and youth to marry someone you don't even know? The answer is obvious. You sigh dejectedly. But it doesn't matter whether you are ready or not - it is happening, and your future lay on the other side of that dining room door.

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[jang-ye-rim]

That’s How You Know

He’ll find some way to show you, with the little things he’ll do; That’s how you know, that’s how you know - he’s your love” - Disney’s Enchanted

Because, after all, love is in the littlest of things.

Read the previous: I II III IV

Late Night Conversations

- So how early did you reach school today? You woke up way before the alarm this morning. He snuggles a little more into the pillow, his eyes never leaving yours. 

- It’s late, and as you two get comfortable beneath the covers, he insists on asking you about your day. Behind him, you can see out of the window at the city. A thick blanket of darkness has settled across the city, and the buildings surrounding yours are dark, almost as if uninhabited. 

- I think I was almost half an hour earlier, You reply, before a yawn interrupts you. I even managed to get that breakfast wrap I like from the cafeteria before heading to class today. 

- He nods, a small smile spreading across his lips. You can tell he’s tired. He had come back from work late, and you could instantly see from the way he trudged through the apartment that it hadn’t been an easy day. But as always, he had given you his brilliant smile - although this time, his eyes were already half closed before they crinkled up like they usually do.

- How was class then? Did you manage to get down everything the prof said this time? You always complain that he goes too fast. 

- Nah, I just compare my notes with Jayne’s after. It’s impossible to get all that down. I have no idea what he’s rushing for. I mean, we always end earlier than expected. Maybe he could just slow down a tad, and we would still be able to end on time anyway. 

- Mmmhmmm, he hums under his breath as an answer. You watch as his eyelids droop down further and his breathing begins to slow to the characteristic rhythm when he’s drifting off to sleep. 

- You get ready to drift off yourself, when you hear his drowsy, slurred voice pierce the quiet of the room again.

- What did you eat for lunch? You pry open one eye to look at him. His eyes are totally closed now, but he still insists on asking you a question.

- I got a sandwich at Subway today. You don’t bother to open your eyes as you reply him. Another yawn arises from the back of your throat, and you let it out with a satisfying sigh. 

- How many jalapeños did they give you this time? He persists with the questions, despite the fact that his words have now strung together and form a low mumble that can hardly be heard.

- Hey, you don’t need to keep asking me questions about my day if you’re sleepy. You try to convince him to just go to bed, not bearing to keep him up any longer. There will always be opportunities to have random conversations, and so you see no need for him to be fighting sleep just to ask you things about your mundane day. He’s worked hard enough, and he deserves the good night’s sleep.

- But I want to. He says simply. I’ve missed your voice the entire day. I want to hear you talk about everything - anything. It’s the best when it’s the last thing I hear before I sleep. He sounds so child-like when he’s tired, and you can’t help but smile. 

- Alright, you relent. I think the lady gave me 6 slices of jalapeños today. And then when I said I wanted both southwest and mayo on my sandwich, she gave me this weird look. Is it weird that I like southwest and mayo on my sandwich? It tastes good though ... I mean, I’ve never had anything else on my sandwich but I’ve never had a reason to change my sauce preference before. You know what I mean - 

- You stop your ramble mid breath when you realise he isn’t grunting in response to your words anymore. You open your eyes, greeted with the sight of him sleeping soundly, his face half buried into his pillow. In the pale light from the window, you notice the dark circles prominent against his caramel skin, and your heart twists a little. You wish he didn’t have to push himself so hard, but you know he is doing what he loves, and that is comfort enough for you. 

- Reaching over, you gingerly brush strands of hair away from his forehead. Then, you place your thumb firmly between his brows, massaging the slight frown between them. He visibly relaxes into your touch, and you pray he has good dreams tonight. 

- And that’s when you learnt once again, of how much he loved you. And how much you loved him very much indeed.

[jang-ye-rim]

Serendipity

Serendipity;

An aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

So Eun gripped the edges of her tray tightly, her eyes scanning feverishly across the crowded café for an empty table. She sighed inwardly. She hated crowds, which had been the reason why this quaint café had become her favourite haunt - it was always quiet and empty - or at least it had been. So Eun shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling awkward just standing in the middle of the café, looking like a lost child. From the corner of her eye, she spied her favourite table, the one nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. She chewed on her bottom lip, debating whether she should approach. The table for four was occupied by a boy, who seemed to be alone. He wore a black hoodie and had his back facing her, his head bent down over his food, making it seem like he did not want to be disturbed. So Eun sighed again. She hated talking to strangers - she had always been the sort to warm up to others slowly, making it difficult for her to approach anyone she did not know even if it was just for a momentary conversation. She inhaled slowly, attempting to compose herself before she approached the table cautiously, afraid of the boy’s possible reaction.

So Eun cleared her voice, attempting to catch the boy’s attention. To her dismay, he had not heard her over the background music and the loud chatter in the café. She reached out to tap his shoulder, only to stop herself before doing so. What if he got offended? Deciding against it, she placed her tray on the table abruptly, causing the boy to look up from his food.

“U-umm, hi, is this seat taken?” She asked awkwardly, mentally chastising herself for being so rude and abrupt.

The boy looked up momentarily, giving her a glance, before he shook his head. He nodded towards the empty seat diagonally across from him, indicating that she could take it, before turning back to his own food.

“T-thank you,” So Eun sat herself down at the table as quietly and gingerly as possible. The boy looked tired and sullen, making her feel a little guilty that she seemed to be disturbing his peace.

So Eun opened the container of chicken salad and speared the ingredients as she ate silently. Her stomach thanked her gratefully for the food, especially after she had gone hungry all day. She had been kept up to her neck in work at the office today, and had skipped lunch - only now were the hunger pangs returning. So Eun had been so immersed and engrossed in her writing and editing all day that she had not even felt any urge to eat at all. That was how it always was, especially when inspiration came and she became lost in her own little world. So Eun was a writer at a well-loved and large magazine company in Seoul, where she wrote in the Lifestyle and Self-Improvement department. She had gained a prestigious internship in the company when she first entered college, and had worked her way up to earn her very own column in the magazine despite her young age. This had all happened whilst her fellow counterparts were looking for jobs after graduation, or travelling to celebrate the end of college. And so now here she was, shouldering more responsibilities than any other fresh college graduate would have - readers expected enlightening and insightful columns every two weeks and she knew she had to deliver them no matter what. No one, of course, knew that she was the writer behind the much-loved ‘Introverted Insights’ column - for nobody would have believed or taken her seriously if they knew of her real age. Even her chief editor was often floored by the maturity of her writing and how she seemed to know so much at her young age. Maybe it was her tendency for introversion - she wasn’t the sort to talk much at all, but she had an extremely vibrant inner world that allowed her much introspection. She expressed her true feelings and thoughts through her writing, the way she could not do so verbally or socially with others, and perhaps that was what drew such a steady readership to her column.

So Eun observed the boy that shared her table from the corner of her eye as she ate. He appeared drained and weary, and So Eun could almost feel a suffocating atmosphere surrounding him. He was troubled, and So Eun was curious what it was that was creating a cloud of doom and gloom around him. That was another of So Eun’s strengths. Her introverted personality meant that the energy others used for social interactions and endeavours had been translated into acute observation skills in her case - it made her extremely sharp and intuitive in sensing others’ emotions and sentiments. She retrieved her unfinished crossword puzzle from her bag, along with her pen. It was one of her past-times - a way for her to decompress, especially after writing about such serious topics everyday at the office. She stared at the clue for the  next word.

“8 across, beautiful coincidences,” So Eun stared at the folded paper in her hands, mumbling under her breath. Her mind was blank. Beautiful coincidences? She suddenly could not find a word for the clue given. “11 letters.” She counted the number of boxes on the paper. She chewed on the top of her pen as she fell into deep thought, racking her brains for the word. What was a beautiful coincidence? Could coincidences even be considered beautiful in the first place? The empty boxes on the crossword puzzle stared back at her.

“Serendipity.” So Eun’s head shot up. Did she hear someone say something? She turned her head slightly, only to meet the boy’s eyes. He was staring back at her now, having lifted his head from his plate. So Eun froze in her seat for a moment, as she held his stare. The boy had a pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun had ever seen - they seemed to possess such a potent intensity, and as he looked at her, she suddenly felt naked and bare. It was as if the boy’s intense gaze could see right through her, into the depths of her soul. So Eun felt an uneasy and foreign feeling stir in her chest and she quickly broke eye contact - no one had affected her so much before with a mere gaze.

“I’m sorry?” She enquired, wondering whether she had heard right. The boy looked down for a moment at the crossword puzzle in her hand, before looking up at her again.

“8 across, 11 letters, beautiful coincidences. Serendipity.” He jerked his head towards the crossword puzzle, the stoic expression on his face never changing one bit since he began talking. His voice was smooth and a little husky, and despite the loud chatter and background music in the café, she was able to hear him loud and clear.

“Oh, t-thank you,” So Eun looked down to quickly scribble the answer on the crossword. She hadn’t known that he had heard her mumbling under her breath, or that he had been paying attention to the crossword in her hand. It made her wonder whether he had been watching her whilst he was eating all along.

“I don’t think I know anyone who still does those,” The boy continued, looking down at the crossword in So Eun’s hands.

“Oh this?” So Eun responded rather awkwardly, not knowing where this conversation was going. “I guess most people use their phones too much nowadays, but I’m a bit more old school.” So Eun admitted honestly, before becoming alarmed that she was sharing about herself to a total stranger.

“Is that why you like this café?” The boy enquired, turning to take in the café scene. Whilst doing so, the hood of his jacket fell back, revealing his full face and the snapback he had on his head. So Eun found him oddly … familiar. Where had she seen him before?

“U-uh well, I guess so?” So Eun answered tentatively, suddenly suspicious at the boy’s sudden questions. “It’s cosy and usually quiet in here. The jazz and indie they put on is really good as well. So do you like it here?” It was So Eun’s turn to ask the question, trying to prevent herself from revealing anything more to this stranger.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. I might actually come back here sometime,” The boy stood up and gathered his things. “See you, crossword girl.” The boy shot So Eun a smirk before turning and leaving. So Eun was dumbfounded. What had just happened?

*****

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late,” So Eun collapsed into the chair at her favourite table in her favourite café. She exhaled tiredly, rubbing her sore neck. She had been bent over her laptop all day at the office feverishly researching and writing for her next column and she was beyond drained. She opened her container of salad and ate, allowing herself to finally relax after a hectic day of work. The smooth jazz played in the background of the café, soothing her occupied mind and flustered emotions.

“It’s okay, I was busy writing too,” The boy in the black hoodie replied, lifting his head momentarily before returning to scribble phrases on his lined notepad.

A lot had happened since So Eun’s fateful and accidental encounter with the boy with the black hoodie at the café weeks ago. For one, So Eun had become a guest writer in the Travel department of the magazine company she worked at, which meant double the heavy workload she already had. The new responsibility of writing for the Travel department also meant So Eun’s more frequent visits to the café, in search of inspiration and a conducive environment to write. And with that came more frequent encounters with the boy with the black hoodie. True to his word, he had indeed returned to the café, just like he had said before. Their regular encounters at the café had somewhat blossomed and developed into a friendship. So Eun had learned that the boy’s name was Han Bin, but he preferred to be called B.I instead. He was the same age as So Eun, a trainee at YG Entertainment, and that he was rapper. It helped So Eun to understand why he looked so familiar, and why he always wore a black hoodie and a snapback.

“I brought these for you,” So Eun reached into her bag to retrieve several crossword puzzles. “I thought you might want to do them if you have the time.”

“Oh, thanks,” Han Bin received the crosswords, slotting them into the back of his notepad. “But I’ve been pretty busy lately. I don’t think I’ll be able to touch them till later.”

“Writing another song?” So Eun leaned forward, peering at the random phrases and sentences he had jotted down on the paper. She proceeded to give him suggestions and pointed out certain details that he should consider changing. It was an occupational hazard and in the weeks that she had met with Han Bin, she had always found herself trying to help him in his song writing.

Honestly, So Eun did not understand how she had even become friends with Han Bin. She was never the sort to chat, much less strike up a friendship with mere strangers, and it was a wonder that she had become friends with someone whom she had simply met by accident. She was a greatly detached person - someone who did not trust or get attached to anyone easily, after all.

So Eun could not explain why she always felt so drawn to Han Bin. Maybe it was because she could relate to his frequent feelings of loneliness. So Eun had always been somewhat of a loner. It wasn’t that she lacked social skills, or that she was an outcast. Rather, she had not had a close friend for a long time. She had moved to Seoul on her own after middle school, leaving her parents and friends behind in her small town of Ulsan. The distance meant that she could only speak to her parents on the phone and although her years of high school had been spent keeping in touch with her Ulsan friends, they had soon moved on with life without her. She had felt forgotten and left behind, and the feelings of loneliness had started from there. She was one, single girl in a big city, with no one to talk to and no one but herself to count on. It didn’t help that the other writers in her department were much older than So Eun, making it difficult for her to develop a comfortable friendship with any of them. She ate alone, lived alone and the nature of her job was largely a solitary activity. She could hence see so much of her own loneliness in his, the way he often felt alone with no one to confide in. He carried so much on his shoulders as the leader of his team, and often bottled up his frustration and fears, not wanting to burden his other members or worry his parents back at home.

“By the way, thanks for coming to the Han river the other night,” Han Bin spoke without looking up from his notepad.

“Don’t worry about it,” So Eun replied, mouth full of food. She swallowed before she continued. “I was out anyway. It was getting really suffocating and lonely at home so I was out for a walk when you called. I would have gone there eventually even if you hadn’t told me you were there anyway.”

There was nothing much to So Eun’s friendship with Han Bin. They didn’t exactly keep in touch with each other outside of their time with each other at the café. They were both busy with their own lives, and the only way they continued to see each other was by their chance encounters at the café. They never planned to meet. If either of them spotted the other at the café that day, they simply sat with each other even if other empty tables were available. They merely enjoyed each other’s company when they could. Sometimes, they would stay a little longer just to confide in each other over cups of warm milk and coffee and it was through these little pockets of heart-to-heart conversation that So Eun had found herself being slowly, but surely, drawn closer to Han Bin. It was perhaps his honesty in sharing with her that made her feel undeniably close to him, despite the fact that they had not known each other for long in reality. Or maybe it was his piercing, intense gaze that seemed to be able to look past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest with him.

Ultimately, So Eun could feel an undeniable connection with this boy in the black hoodie, like as if her heart and her soul knew him even before her eyes recognised his face. How was she to put it? It was like every time she spent time with Han Bin, it made her feel as though she was remembering who he was, rather than getting to know him as someone new. Every single conversation seemed to push her towards the undeniable conviction that she must have known him, in some other time and place, for he was so impossibly familiar to her, even if her mind told her that she had never met him before that fateful day at the café. Sure, they didn’t seem to have much in common - she could never appreciate hip hop, the very thing that Han Bin had said was his life. Likewise, Han Bin could never understand how she could live without coffee, or how So Eun be so regimented about her everyday routine. But it didn’t matter. Beyond superficial likes and dislikes, So Eun realised that she had found her kindred spirit in Han Bin, that he was so much like herself on the inside.

“Hey, I’ve got to go,” Han Bin shot up from his seat, gathering his things quickly. “I’ll see you when I see you!” He bid goodbye hastily before turning to leave. No last backward glance, no goodbye waves.

So Eun nodded before returning to her food. No proper goodbyes were ever needed. They would see each other when they did - simple as that.

*****

The bone chilling winter air blew unrelentingly as So Eun trudged along the sidewalk. Her thick brunette waves flew in all directions, but she did not care to pull her hands from the warmth of her coat pockets to tame them. It was winter now, and the sun had set early, leaving the streets dim and glowing under the warm yellow street lights that were left to illuminate the sidewalks. She hummed a soft, melancholic tune under her breath, as she revelled in the emptiness of the street, before turning the corner and entering a small, warm book café, her newest haunt.

If anyone knew So Eun, they would have understood her to be a creature of habit. She didn’t like change, and she never spontaneously pursued variety in her everyday routine. It had been a wonder, then, that she had decided to find another café to regularly visit instead of the one she had gone to for years. Perhaps it was because she had started taking a liking to the peppermint tea this new café served, or maybe because she had moved to a new neighbourhood and the old café was too out of the way for her to visit often anymore. So Eun looked around, dismayed that the café was a little more crowded today because of the low temperatures outside. She sat herself down at her favourite table, nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. (After all, she was a creature of habit wasn’t she?) So Eun sipped on her tea, allowing the minty liquid glide down her throat and warm her frozen insides. She sighed, letting the indie music in the background soothe her busy mind and troubled heart.

A lot sure had changed over the last half a year. Not only had So Eun moved to a new neighbourhood, she had also been promoted to assistant chief editor of her department at the magazine, although she still faithfully wrote her own column every two weeks. People had come and gone from her department at the magazine, and so did some in her life. Han Bin, the name always seemed to echo constantly in her head, granting her no reprieve. If So Eun was honest with herself, she would admit that he was probably the root reason why So Eun never visited her old favourite café anymore. There were too many memories with Han Bin there that So Eun didn’t need to be continuously reminded of. And perhaps, just perhaps, So Eun was afraid. She was afraid that she might bump into him one day, again, and that she wouldn’t know what to say or how to act. It had been a long time since So Eun had seen Han Bin. Since they never kept in touch or planned to meet each other, So Eun began to see him less and less at the old café, partially because he had been busy producing and preparing for his debut. With that, So Eun felt herself grow increasingly distant from the boy whom she had once considered her kindred spirit. Even when she did see him at the café occasionally, he never stayed for long, and was often too exhausted to talk anyway. Slowly, but surely, his visits to the café decreased, until one day, he never came again. Of course part of So Eun had waited for him to return. For weeks she still went back to the café, and stayed till late not only just immersed in her work, but also hoping that the next person that walked through the entrance would be her boy in the black hoodie. But he never returned, and So Eun once again felt forgotten and alone. She accepted the fact that perhaps he would just be another person that passed through her life.

So Eun pulled out her laptop, plugging in her earphones. These past a few weeks, the Entertainment and Music department had been trying to persuade her to transfer to their department and write for them instead although So Eun had repeatedly refused. She never felt up to it - she was an indie and jazz sort of girl and she knew so little about Korean hip hop and Korean pop music. But nevertheless, their persuasion had somewhat worked for So Eun had finally relented earlier this week to writing a feature article for their section. It was going to be an one-off thing - she was going to write just one article to appease them and show them that she wasn’t suitable for their department after all.

So Eun clicked the music file they had sent her and opened it. The title read ‘Long Time No See’. So Eun typed quickly on her document, taking notes. She didn’t recognise the artist name though - Ikon, were they a new group? She decided against checking them up online, hoping that without looking at the members’ faces, she would be able to give an unbiased first impression. So Eun clicked again to listen to the song, increasing the volume so she could listen carefully to the lyrics and give a good critique. A sweet, slightly melancholic melody began to play, before a husky voice began.

* Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqvLD65Kt4

너 같은 사람은 너 하나 밖에 없더라

There isn’t anyone who is like you

가진 게 없어도 더할 게 하나 없더라

Eventhough I don’t have anything, I don’t need anything

근데, 내 세상을 자꾸 멈춰 나

But my world keeps stopping

네가 없을 땐 내 주위엔 꽃이 하나 없더라

There’s not a single flower around me when you’re not here with me

Long time no see 너를 향한 손짓

Long time no see, my hands towards you

바라보는 눈빛 뭔지

My eyes looking at you, what is this?

중심에 있던 네가 추억에 잠겨버린 후

You were my centre but after you sank into my memories

다시 네 앞에 서기까지

In order to stand before of you again

노력했어 늘

I’ve been working hard

다시 본다는 사실에 내 맘은 자꾸만 설레

My heart keeps fluttering at the fact that I can see you again

네 이름이 입에 뱄어 온종일 네 얘길 꺼내

Your name is on my mouth, I talk about you all day

I don’t want nobody else

시간을 달려왔어 Baby 좀만 기다려

I ran through time, baby, just wait for a moment more

So Eun paused the song, taking her time to jot down her initial thoughts on the first rap. The pain of separation, but the promise of return as assurance for the one who is waiting, she typed. The anticipation that comes with a long-awaited reunion and the promise that one was not forgotten for the time when the other was gone. As she typed, she could feel something dormant stir in her heart.

So Eun clicked the play button once again.

기억 저편에서 날 기다리던

I remember you saying you will wait for me

너의 앞에 서있어 Ooh yeah

I’m in front of you now, oh yeah

Long time no see 그동안 어떻게 지냈니

Long time no see, how have you been?

너무 오랫동안 기다렸지 이제 어디 안 가

I know you’ve been waiting long, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Long time no see 많이 그리웠어 나 역시

Long time no see, I really missed you a lot too

네게 가는 길을 헤매었지 이제 어디 안 가

I’ve been trying to find a way to get back to you, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

So Eun paused the song again. The ache in her chest had increased. Why did she feel so connected to the song? She tried to shake off the emotions that were beginning to bubble inside of her in attempts to give a good analysis. A reunion that was long due means a lot of catching up to do, she typed. Recalling the past, and the time away from one another that was spent pining for each other. And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.

So Eun took a deep breath, suppressing her emotions before pressing the play button again. Her hands stilled on her keyboard. Her breath was caught in her throat. The voice of the next rapper - the one she had heard so often before in late night conversations over milk and coffee, the one she hadn’t heard in ages. It was her boy in the black hoodie.

널 기다리게 했지 결국

I’ve kept you waiting, eventually

부러질 듯 가녀린 새끼손가락 걸고

I made a pinky swear, holding your fragile pinky that seemed like it might break

약속 했지만 지켜주지 못했 미안해

I’m sorry I’ve not kept my promise

왜 이리 늦었는지 설명해줄게 전부

I’ll explain everything of why I came back this late

신이 주신 아픔을 이겨내느라

I was trying to defeat the pain God gave to me

피와 살을 나눈 형제들을 지켜내느라

I was protecting my brothers with whom I share my flesh and blood

공허함만이 남은 속을 비워내면서도

I was emptying what was inside of me, although I had nothing left

커져만 가는 꿈을 계속 이뤄내느라

I was trying to make my growing dreams come true

많이 늦었어

That’s why I’m late

무너진 꿈을 다시 일으키기까지가 힘들었어

My dreams fell down and it was difficult to set them upright again

끝내 지금의 내가 됐고 넌 여전히 아름답네

At last I’ve become what I am right now, and you are still beautiful

오랜만이야 많이 그리웠어

It’s been a long time, I’ve missed you a lot

So Eun paused the song once again, this time, her eyes clouded with tears. Her boy in the black hoodie. Han Bin, the name kept echoing through her mind once again. It was only at this very moment that So Eun allowed herself to acknowledge that she missed him, desperately. For the past few months she had been so busy trying to forget all that connection she had felt for him, trying to convince herself that she should move on from someone who was only passing through her insignificant existence. She had come to believe herself to be insignificant to him, who was meant for greater things. She was trying to forget the only person that had been the closest thing she had to a kindred spirit, and she felt like a part of her had been missing.

Suddenly, someone abruptly placed his tray at her table, jolting So Eun out from her thoughts and her sorrow. She looked up at the stranger, wondering why out of all the empty tables, he had chosen to stop by hers. Her heart skipped a beat as her eyes met the stranger’s own - the pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun would have ever seen, the ones that had always looked past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest. Her boy with the black hoodie. He reached forward to wipe the tears from her wet cheeks. His hands were rough, but warm and comforting.

“It’s been a long time, crossword girl,” the boy whom So Eun’s heart and her soul knew even before her eyes recognised said, his voice exactly the way she remembered it. “Fancy seeing you here, what happened to the old café?”

So Eun was at a loss for words, the document on her laptop forgotten. The last words she had typed sat there on the screen - And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.

[jang-ye-rim]

That’s How You Know

“He’ll find some way to show you, with the little things he’ll do; That’s how you know, that’s how you know - he’s your love” - Disney’s Enchanted

Because, after all, love is in the littlest of things.

Read the previous: I  II  III

When you’re under the weather

- You toss restlessly in bed, kicking away the sheets from your legs in frustration before pulling them back up again. It’s too cold to lay in bed without them, yet you start heating up the instant you pull them up again.

- You roll over to the bedside dresser to retrieve another tissue. Your nose clogs up every few minutes, and you’ve repeated the rolling over motions all morning to get to your tissue stash. Sometime last night the box on your dresser had run out of tissues, but you had been too weak and exhausted by the pills to rummage for another in the bathroom. And so you had wheezed the rest of the night, waking up with a dry chapped throat after breathing through your mouth instead. But you had still managed a grateful smile this morning - when you woke to 3 new boxes of tissues stocked up by the bedside, and a glass of water ready for your sore throat.

- Your mind wanders to him, guiltily wondering whether he had gotten any sleep last night with all the noise you had been making and how violently you had tossed in bed. You remember him telling you that he has a long day today, and you feel instantly more apologetic that you were the cause of his sleepless night. Staring up at the ceiling you wonder what he’s doing now, as you watch the sunlight stream in through the blinds and dance along your ceiling.

- Suddenly, your ears prick at the distant sound of a door keypad being opened. The apartment is still and silent, apart from the rustling of your sheets, and so you dismiss the sound as coming from your neighbour’s. After laying in bed all morning in utter quiet, its no wonder that the slightest sound catches your attention.

- But then you hear the distinctive, clearer sound of your door clicking shut. A split-second of panic courses through you, wondering whether a stranger has managed to break into your apartment - digital keypads aren’t necessarily the safest door locks to be honest. You shoot up in bed in alarm, instantly regretting when your aching joints protest and your already pounding head spins.

- You gingerly get out of bed and pad your way to the living room, suspicious, yet too exhausted & weak to worry much. As the doorway comes into view, you notice his shoes at the door, and hear the sound of pots being moved in the kitchen. You turn around in time to find him walking towards you from around the kitchen counter.

- I thought you had a packed schedule at school today, surprise evident in your hoarse voice. 

- I do, he replies, before engulfing you in a gentle hug, careful not to squeeze too hard . But it’s my lunchtime now - 2 hours. I calculated that I’d have just enough time to get you the seollongtang you like from near school and drop it off before taking the subway back to campus again. I bet you haven’t eaten at all yet, have you? He gives you a playful wink then, as if proud of his superb mental calculation. 

- You glance at the clock behind him, a frown appearing. Don’t you have to leave now to get back to school for your next class then? Have you even eaten yet? 

- Don’t worry about me, he replies, a brilliant smile on his face as if it hasn’t already been a tiring enough day. Just have the soup and rest. And don’t you dare think about getting any work done, you’ve been overworking yourself enough as it is already. I’ll just grab a kimbap and eat it on the way back to campus. 

- He kisses you on the forehead, lingering for several seconds, before he is at the threshold and putting on his shoes, ready to leave again. I’ll bring home dinner later, he adds as he opens and steps out the door. When he turns to take one last look, you blow him a kiss which he catches playfully with his hand and places on his lips. Then the door clicks shut, and the apartment is silent once more.

- You don’t bother heating up the soup again, not wanting to create additional dishes for him to wash. But even though the soup is cooled down and lukewarm, as you sit at the table sipping on it, it seems to warm you in all the right places.

So that’s how you knew, that he loved you.

Writing this whilst I’m also in bed nursing a 3-day flu and lamenting of how I’m so behind on work at school at the moment... boohoo

hope the middle of your week has been better <3

[jang-ye-rim]

That’s How You Know

“He’ll find some way to show you, with the little things he’ll do; That’s how you know, that’s how you know - he’s your love” - Disney’s Enchanted

Because, after all, love is in the littlest of things.

Read the previous: I  II

When rediscovering old trinkets 

- The night is calm and still. And as you lay on the couch, you savour the serenity and stillness of the apartment. The tv is switched on, but the volume is muted, with drama reruns playing on the screen. You glance at the screen lazily from the corner of your eye, uninterested. 

- It’s been a long day, and you’re content just lying where you are, watching the city lights glow and flicker from the large living room windows. The blanket of night makes the mere lights from the buildings around you shine brighter, and appear a little more magical than they actually are. You watch as some of the lights in the apartment building across the street shut off, the windows they once illuminated disappearing into the deep of the night. 

- It’s getting late, but he isn’t home from work yet. He had texted you in the morning to tell you not to wait up for him - even though he knows you probably wouldn’t listen. And evidently you aren’t, as you continue staring out the windows, watching the buildings recede into the darkness as more lights flicker off.

- You decide that you should do something useful whilst you wait up for him, so you haul yourself up from the couch to the organise the messy cupboard beneath the tv. Your aching, weary body protests, but you ignore it as you settle yourself on the floor in front of the cupboard.

- The instant you open the cupboard, things begin to topple out of it into your lap. You wonder what both of you have been storing and amassing in it, considering that it’s hardly ever opened.

- Time passes before you finally finish organising all the random boxes. You stick your arm deep into the bottom shelf to make some space for the last box when your hand stills on something hard and cool. The touch of it feels familiar, although you can’t pinpoint in your head exactly what it is.

- And so in your curiosity, you pull it out gingerly, afraid to disturb all the other contents that you’ve already organised. A wave of nostalgia hits you as the light illuminates the surface of the box. It’s a tin box, the type that cookies from the store used to come in. The intricate designs on the cover have already partially peeled off, and the rest of the box is slightly dented and rusty. 

- Memories return in an immense rush when you pry the box open. Pieces of paper, in all different colours, sizes, shapes and stages of yellowing spill out all at once, and you can’t help but laugh in disbelief. It’s been such a long time since you’ve seen these, and you can’t believe you’ve forgotten about the collection of post-its from him that you had kept since middle school.

- The whole post-it thing had begun in middle school, you recall. Both of you had been good friends since the beginning of year 1, and it was a coincidence when he picked your name from the basket as his Secret Santa. In true secret santa fashion, he had left an anonymous post-it on your locker everyday, although it didn’t take long for you to recognise his characteristic scribble.

- Your smile pulls wider as you recall how upset he was when you knew it was him not even two weeks into game. You enjoyed receiving the quirky little drawings and writings on the post-it notes, so he had insisted on doing it even after you knew it was him. And the habit just stuck, even after the game ended. 

- Everyday, for the rest of middle school and even into high school and college, even if you didn’t see him around much because of the difference in your schedules, you knew that your best friend was thinking of you when you saw the post-it stuck to the door of your locker. Sometimes, it was a little note to say hi, but most of the time it was little doodles that soon became code words.

- Your fingers flip through the post-it in your hands, losing count of the number of them that had poorly drawn pictures of cookies or cutlery on them. Those were the post-its that told you he was coming over after school, or for dinner because he loved your mum’s cooking.

- Your hands still on a particular note - a little cartoon face covering his eyes out of embarrassment. You burst out laughing, unable to contain your amusement, your voice bouncing off the walls and reverberating around the empty apartment.

- He had written the note to you a week after the closest thing to a high school scandal of his had occurred. In junior year, as a result of his rush between classes, he had accidentally pasted his post-it on your neighbour’s locker. It didn’t help that it happened when it was nearing the Winter Formal, and the poor girl had thought she had a secret admirer. The incident blew off eventually, but he never dared to paste his post-its on the door of your locker again. So you had to give him your locker combination so that he could place it inside instead. And with that also came many “Lunch Swap” notes where he would help himself to your lunch before you could get to it. 

- A wistful smile spreads across your lips, and your heart swells with warmth as you flip further through the stack of papers. This is where all our memories together are, you realise. Even though both of you didn’t like taking pictures, the years of memories you guys made together were preserved in these humble post-it notes in your hands - in the little, everyday expressions of love. 

- The unassuming post-it notes had chronicled so many things. It had chronicled the progression of your relationship from friends into lovers; It had chronicled all your little victories and successes through his congratulatory notes; It had chronicled the fights and misunderstandings you guys had weathered together through his apologies; It had chronicled his growth from a young boy, into a strong, caring, responsible young man. But most importantly, it chronicled his presence through the ups and downs in your life. 

- You snap out of your reverie when you hear the passcode to your apartment being keyed in at the door. As you look up, you catch sight of the post-it pads at the kitchen counter, and the post-its on the fridge. You remember the post-it still stuck on the bathroom mirror since this morning and you realise, somethings just never change.

 - As he ambles in to the living room, you give him a smile, taking in his tired expression, and his slow steps. Immediately, he notices the coloured post-its strewn around you on the floor, and his eyes crinkle as he lets out a mellow laugh, realising what they are.

- I can’t believe you’ve kept them all these years, he says, amused. You place them back in the tin box and take it with you as you walk towards him, deciding that it’s too precious to be forgotten in the cupboard under the tv.

- You engulf him in a tight hug before looking up into his warm, mellow eyes. I wonder why you didn’t propose to me via a post-it instead, you say with a glimmer of mischief in your eyes.

- Would you have said yes? He asks cheekily. I could’ve saved all that trouble if you had just told me you wanted a post-it proposal, he teases, and you hit him playfully in the stomach.

- And so, that’s how you knew - walking to bed with his arm draped lazily over your shoulder, a tin box full of humble memories in your hand, that he loved you and that you loved him very much indeed.

[jang-ye-rim]

Oh my goodness... oh wow I don’t actually know how to feel about this.

Woke up this morning to a very sweet post, and I feel so touched! Thank you @hanbin-trashbin :) You’ve really made my day. I’ve been on tumblr for quite a long time, but it’s only recently that I’ve begun posting my writings - it’s a fledging thing, really, and I’m always grateful for every like and reblog I get. But wow, to get a mention on a blog appreciation post? That’s just crazy. It’s really something to know that you enjoy my little writings, especially since they aren’t the greatest and I haven't actually posted that much! I’m really grateful for your support - and I guess I also have big shoes to fill ><

Anyway, I can gush and ramble way more but I just wanted to thank you back for appreciating my work - it really means a lot, you have no idea. This is my first ever mention on a blog appreciation post, and it’s definitely going to be the most memorable one :)

I look forward to writing more for all you guys!

‘SPREAD THE LOVE’

Ok so, even though I don’t have many followers or I’m not really that active, (I only re-post nowadays) today I’ve realized that there are some blogs I always feel eager to see new activity from or there are some blogs I always ‘visit’ because they make my day better and I seek comfort from them. Also, I’ve seen lately on some of those blogs things like ‘I don’t feel that great’ ‘ I feel I don’t deserve this or that’ ‘ I’m not pretty/smart’ etc etc. And something just snapped in me. People I indirectly love don’t feel great or they just need a slight push to keep going and this is the minimum effort I can make to reward them for what they do.

So, I’ll tag them in this post to show my gratitude towards their content and their intent of sharing to the world their thoughts or craft or whatever. 

DISCLAIMER : I don’t want this to be some ‘publicity’ shit so keep in mind that I do this because I feel like lots of people who are on social media (non-celebrities/non-youtubers wtvr -> regular but ALSO important and precious people) deserve, hm let’s say recognition? or just encouragement and love.

I split them into categories so that people that may see this post will maybe follow them too, based on their interests.

Here it goes:

I - DAILY/PERSONAL/THOUGHTS/REGULAR POSTS/

@searchforsophrosyne​ - I may say she actually made me ‘dig’ more into Tablo few years ago and I can’t bring myself to thank her enough for that. Also, she reblogs about series, art and all kinds of stuff. Aaand her ‘Daily Ramblings’ full of humor and irony are something I look forward to everyday.

@blossomfully​ -  you may know her as the creator of ‘Excerpts From a Book I’ll Never Write’. A very beautiful and sincerely written novel, also the simplicity of it reaches fully to the public, no need for pretentious words, her thoughts just make you relate to what she writes immediately. I enjoy her blog because you can see the genuine attitude and warmness with which she responds to asks. Definitely check her out.

II - SCENARIO BLOG

I started to write too but I don’t feel like I’m at any level yet so the ones I’m gonna mention are pure gold.

@deepkissu - although not active anymore, SHE IS ONE OF THE BEST. She is the one that got me into scenarios and made me realise how beautifully life can be put into words, and also gave me courage to dream ‘in words’ because I didn’t have the guts to.

@thatzestysoul - also one of the queens of my heart lol. I personally can say I’ve read all her work and I’ve never ever been disappointed. I read and re-read everything from time to time, that’s how much I love the way she writes, hitting home everytime. One of my favorites.

@ihopeforyoufics ; @magical-scenarios ; @daydreaming-melodies ; @innereverie; @i-write-storiesandsuch —-> Fucking amazing it’s all I can say. I’ve put them altogether because I felt like they have in common the mood and the effect their work has on me. All very delicately written, with a slight playfulness to it. They do have distinct nuances, it’s either a childish or a more mature vibe, or a hopeful vs. a melancholic one. But I’m gonna let you be the judge to that. 

@khiphop-stories ; @write-this-way-please —–> these are khiphop scenario blogs. Amazing sense of turning the request into an actual idea and they are both perseverant and imaginative. Very promising.

@zico-mino-trash - Also a great writer and she has the qualities I’ve already listed above. Nonetheless, I like that she puts gifs to help readers visualise the story.

@teenwritingstuff - I’ve requested from her before and she didn’t go lower my expectations. She’s also a gem, I can feel that from the way she asserts situations and talks to people she comes in contact (lmao i sound like a creeper but she told me “of course honey” and I got wet ok. She’s very precious)

@boobykim ; @jang-ye-rim —-> I’m kinda new to them but I reeeeally enjoy their style and way of presenting some concepts. I’m expecting some mind-blowing writings later on, they truly do have lots of potential

III - FAN BLOGS / UPDATES

@noonakiller-hanbin - she brought  LOTS of fans together  and made a small ‘community’ let’s say. I know her blog since WIN days and I’ve always checked out her blog during IKON’s hiatuses. She’s funny and she did make an impact on our fandom so kudos sister, we love you.

@supreme-blo - FOR ALL TABLO/EPIK HIGH TRASH OUT THERE, THIS IS YOUR PLACE, I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO SAY STH MORE.

@everythingbobby - All I can say is that I adore this one. AND, in addition to that, I hope that all the love you give to Bobby (cuz i see your tags and everything) will return to you, even in a double amount. 

@txkyolights - for anime lovers. Edits, quotes, music, everything.

IV - PSYCHOLOGY/PHILOSOPHY/ASTROLOGY/ ART

@philosophybits - skim through knowledge peeps

@intj-confessions - I’m an intj, but you can find non-intj related stuff there too and helpful information about psychology and myers briggs personality types. Know yourself and the others better !

@nor-wegianwood  -  another cutie pie. She makes astrology readings for idols, but she does it so detailed and on point, I can’t even describe how good she is. Give her lots of love and help her grow!

@andreahrnjak - God-like talent

@fuckyeahchiarabautista - it’s not the official tumblr but you can find the artist on Facebook.

________________________________________________________

Last but not least, I wish all of the above have a great day and I’d be really glad if you want to talk to me in private or idk idk  i just love everyone so much because unknowingly you guys brought a piece to my foundation as an individual and you also make my existence more bearable so I sincerely thank you for that.

Everyone, don’t forget to spread love towards those surrounding you. This is what makes life more beautiful !

#spreadthelove

[jang-ye-rim]

That’s How You Know

“He’ll find some way to show you, with the little things he’ll do; That’s how you know, that’s how you know - he’s your love” - Disney’s Enchanted

Because, after all, love is in the littlest of things.

Read the previous: I

When it’s been a rough day.

- Everyone has days when they feel tired and exhausted; where it feels like the weight of the world is on their shoulders, and it’s just too easy - too tempting, to call it quits and give up trying. 

- Today is one of those days for you. 

- As you trudge your way back to the apartment, your backpack somehow feels heavier than before, and your steps more arduous despite the familiar route back home.

- The sun is slowly setting, casting it’s final orangey-red glow on the sidewalk. Somehow, the gradual disappearance of the sun into the horizon only seems to add to your feelings of melancholy today. It’s receding is like the light at the end of your tunnel - it only seems to grow farther and farther away the more you run towards it. 

- The gentle spring breeze plays with the locks of your hair, as if in attempts to cheer you up. All around, you hear the hurried steps of other passersby. It’s been a long day of work for them too, and their hastened steps are a mere reflection of their urgency and desire to return home; to rest.

- Rest; It’s an elusive thing for you. It’s hard to rest when there are too many things to do, too many responsibilities you have to fulfil, too many worries plaguing you about your future. 

- All day you had been overwhelmed by the profound sense that you were drowning, slowly but surely. It was getting increasingly more difficult to keep your head above the waters - your responsibilities, the pressures, the expectations and thoughts of the future.

- You content with your apathetic pace despite the hustle and bustle around you. When will this striving ever end, you ask yourself; When will you be able to just rest.

- You turn the corner unto your street. It’s quieter here than the main sidewalk, and the sudden tranquility of the street strips your mind of whatever little distraction it had away from the full force of your thoughts.

- You feel tears prick your eyes, overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness. Everything is just too much; and you’re not enough. And for a split second you question whether your relationship with him is worth it - when there is just so many other concerns that should be more of a priority.

- As the lift door shuts and it ascends to your floor, you rest your head gingerly on the cool mirror. You wonder whether he’s already home, and are reminded of the long list of uncompleted chores and errands you need to take care of. Another sigh escapes your lips. Your eyes are wet, but you’re too exhausted to let the tears flow.

- Lost in your thoughts, you step into the threshold of your apartment, letting the door click shut silently behind you. You can smell dinner, and as you turn the corner, you see him hunched over a stack of papers at the dining table.

- He looks up just as you enter and stop several feet away from where he’s sitting. You make no attempt to approach any closer. It’s been too long of a day.

- He stares at you for several seconds, noticing the wet sheen around your eyes and how the light and fire in your stunning chestnut eyes is gone. And he immediately knows - it’s been a rough day.

- You watch as his eyes soften. His deep brown eyes are so warm, so promising, so comforting, so full of concern and love. And you can do nothing but stand rooted at your spot, the tears now welling up more in your eyes. 

- He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he approaches your hunched figure silently, pulling you into his embrace. It’s so warm, so comforting, and while nothing falls into place with that one hug, you somehow feel like there is a hope that they all will, eventually.

- The doubts in your mind quieten considerably as you stand there engulfed in his long arms. And you know the sacrifices are worth it - he is worth it.  

- So that’s how you knew, then, that he loved you.

[jang-ye-rim]

That’s How You Know

“He’ll find some way to show you, with the little things he’ll do; That’s how you know, that’s how you know - he’s your love” - Disney’s Enchanted

Because, after all, love is in the littlest of things.

When running late in the mornings

- You’re usually a light sleeper, and wake up at once at the sound of the alarm.

- But today isn’t one of those days. 

- Work had kept you up battling fatigue almost all night. And by the time you could finally get some shut eye in peace, daybreak had been fast approaching.

- And so here you are, still snuggled beneath the covers despite the soft rays of the morning sun that had already begun streaming into the room. 

- You’re this close to running late, but you’re so beyond tired that you don’t even realise it. 

- He settles himself gingerly on your side of the bed, nudging you once again, trying to wake you up.

- Today is one of the rare occasions where he wakes up before you do, pestered by the incessant ringing of the alarm that you didn’t even hear go off exactly one and a half hours before school begins. 

- He checks his watch again. He’s all dressed and ready to leave, because travelling to work takes a longer time for him than it does for you. And he knows that he needs to set off now, to get there on time. 

- He sighs, knowing he can’t stay any longer to make sure you get up. So he bends to kiss you once on the cheek, and then reaches to set another alarm on your phone in exactly five minutes, choosing the loudest tune available.

- You wake up with a start, jolting out of bed at the blaring alarm. The room spins around you at first, before sharpening and returning to focus. 

- The sun is a little too bright, you observe. And the other side of the bed is oddly empty.

- That’s when it dawns upon you that you’re running late, and he’s already left for work. All fatigue is overridden by panic now; Your overnight efforts on your assignment will come to naught if you’re late to school and miss the deadline.

- You bolt out of bed, mentally calculating the time you have left to catch the last bus to campus that will get you there just right on time.

- There’s only five minutes left, you realise in dismay - and it takes at least five minutes to get to the bus stop.

- You rush into bathroom, only to find a post-it on the mirror. “Good Morning sleepy head, I hope you’re not already late when you read this” it reads, the words scribbled in his characteristic handwriting. 

- You find your toothbrush already laid by the sink, toothpaste squeezed; And a set of clothes hanging behind the door for you to change into.

- Even in your panic and rush, you manage a smile at his thoughtfulness. The morning is off to a bad start, but at least he has brought you a little positivity for what would definitely be another long day ahead.

- And then as you raced into the living room, you find your book bag packed, and placed beside a slice of buttered toast on the coffee table where you had worked all night.

- And another post-it. This time, it’s stuck to several dollar bills. It reads, “Take a cab today, love. Spending a little on this emergency doesn’t matter. We’ll make up for it by saving on something else.”

- At once, you feel overwhelmed. And it isn’t merely from the fatigue and stress.

- So that’s how you knew, right then, racing to catch a cab to school that day, that he loved you. 

Hello :) 

it’s me again, back with an idea for a new series of drabbles and musings! Hopefully this new format will help me to post more frequently and consistently :) Hope you enjoyed it :) I’ll really love to know what you think! And any other ideas for these short posts! 

xoxo

[jang-ye-rim]

Serendipity

Serendipity;

An aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

So Eun gripped the edges of her tray tightly, her eyes scanning feverishly across the crowded café for an empty table. She sighed inwardly. She hated crowds, which had been the reason why this quaint café had become her favourite haunt - it was always quiet and empty - or at least it had been. So Eun shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling awkward just standing in the middle of the café, looking like a lost child. From the corner of her eye, she spied her favourite table, the one nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. She chewed on her bottom lip, debating whether she should approach. The table for four was occupied by a boy, who seemed to be alone. He wore a black hoodie and had his back facing her, his head bent down over his food, making it seem like he did not want to be disturbed. So Eun sighed again. She hated talking to strangers - she had always been the sort to warm up to others slowly, making it difficult for her to approach anyone she did not know even if it was just for a momentary conversation. She inhaled slowly, attempting to compose herself before she approached the table cautiously, afraid of the boy’s possible reaction.

So Eun cleared her voice, attempting to catch the boy’s attention. To her dismay, he had not heard her over the background music and the loud chatter in the café. She reached out to tap his shoulder, only to stop herself before doing so. What if he got offended? Deciding against it, she placed her tray on the table abruptly, causing the boy to look up from his food.

“U-umm, hi, is this seat taken?” She asked awkwardly, mentally chastising herself for being so rude and abrupt.

The boy looked up momentarily, giving her a glance, before he shook his head. He nodded towards the empty seat diagonally across from him, indicating that she could take it, before turning back to his own food.

“T-thank you,” So Eun sat herself down at the table as quietly and gingerly as possible. The boy looked tired and sullen, making her feel a little guilty that she seemed to be disturbing his peace.

So Eun opened the container of chicken salad and speared the ingredients as she ate silently. Her stomach thanked her gratefully for the food, especially after she had gone hungry all day. She had been kept up to her neck in work at the office today, and had skipped lunch - only now were the hunger pangs returning. So Eun had been so immersed and engrossed in her writing and editing all day that she had not even felt any urge to eat at all. That was how it always was, especially when inspiration came and she became lost in her own little world. So Eun was a writer at a well-loved and large magazine company in Seoul, where she wrote in the Lifestyle and Self-Improvement department. She had gained a prestigious internship in the company when she first entered college, and had worked her way up to earn her very own column in the magazine despite her young age. This had all happened whilst her fellow counterparts were looking for jobs after graduation, or travelling to celebrate the end of college. And so now here she was, shouldering more responsibilities than any other fresh college graduate would have - readers expected enlightening and insightful columns every two weeks and she knew she had to deliver them no matter what. No one, of course, knew that she was the writer behind the much-loved ‘Introverted Insights’ column - for nobody would have believed or taken her seriously if they knew of her real age. Even her chief editor was often floored by the maturity of her writing and how she seemed to know so much at her young age. Maybe it was her tendency for introversion - she wasn’t the sort to talk much at all, but she had an extremely vibrant inner world that allowed her much introspection. She expressed her true feelings and thoughts through her writing, the way she could not do so verbally or socially with others, and perhaps that was what drew such a steady readership to her column.

So Eun observed the boy that shared her table from the corner of her eye as she ate. He appeared drained and weary, and So Eun could almost feel a suffocating atmosphere surrounding him. He was troubled, and So Eun was curious what it was that was creating a cloud of doom and gloom around him. That was another of So Eun’s strengths. Her introverted personality meant that the energy others used for social interactions and endeavours had been translated into acute observation skills in her case - it made her extremely sharp and intuitive in sensing others’ emotions and sentiments. She retrieved her unfinished crossword puzzle from her bag, along with her pen. It was one of her past-times - a way for her to decompress, especially after writing about such serious topics everyday at the office. She stared at the clue for the  next word.

“8 across, beautiful coincidences,” So Eun stared at the folded paper in her hands, mumbling under her breath. Her mind was blank. Beautiful coincidences? She suddenly could not find a word for the clue given. “11 letters.” She counted the number of boxes on the paper. She chewed on the top of her pen as she fell into deep thought, racking her brains for the word. What was a beautiful coincidence? Could coincidences even be considered beautiful in the first place? The empty boxes on the crossword puzzle stared back at her.

“Serendipity.” So Eun’s head shot up. Did she hear someone say something? She turned her head slightly, only to meet the boy’s eyes. He was staring back at her now, having lifted his head from his plate. So Eun froze in her seat for a moment, as she held his stare. The boy had a pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun had ever seen - they seemed to possess such a potent intensity, and as he looked at her, she suddenly felt naked and bare. It was as if the boy’s intense gaze could see right through her, into the depths of her soul. So Eun felt an uneasy and foreign feeling stir in her chest and she quickly broke eye contact - no one had affected her so much before with a mere gaze.

“I’m sorry?” She enquired, wondering whether she had heard right. The boy looked down for a moment at the crossword puzzle in her hand, before looking up at her again.

“8 across, 11 letters, beautiful coincidences. Serendipity.” He jerked his head towards the crossword puzzle, the stoic expression on his face never changing one bit since he began talking. His voice was smooth and a little husky, and despite the loud chatter and background music in the café, she was able to hear him loud and clear.

“Oh, t-thank you,” So Eun looked down to quickly scribble the answer on the crossword. She hadn’t known that he had heard her mumbling under her breath, or that he had been paying attention to the crossword in her hand. It made her wonder whether he had been watching her whilst he was eating all along.

“I don’t think I know anyone who still does those,” The boy continued, looking down at the crossword in So Eun’s hands.

“Oh this?” So Eun responded rather awkwardly, not knowing where this conversation was going. “I guess most people use their phones too much nowadays, but I’m a bit more old school.” So Eun admitted honestly, before becoming alarmed that she was sharing about herself to a total stranger.

“Is that why you like this café?” The boy enquired, turning to take in the café scene. Whilst doing so, the hood of his jacket fell back, revealing his full face and the snapback he had on his head. So Eun found him oddly … familiar. Where had she seen him before?

“U-uh well, I guess so?” So Eun answered tentatively, suddenly suspicious at the boy’s sudden questions. “It’s cosy and usually quiet in here. The jazz and indie they put on is really good as well. So do you like it here?” It was So Eun’s turn to ask the question, trying to prevent herself from revealing anything more to this stranger.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. I might actually come back here sometime,” The boy stood up and gathered his things. “See you, crossword girl.” The boy shot So Eun a smirk before turning and leaving. So Eun was dumbfounded. What had just happened?

*****

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late,” So Eun collapsed into the chair at her favourite table in her favourite café. She exhaled tiredly, rubbing her sore neck. She had been bent over her laptop all day at the office feverishly researching and writing for her next column and she was beyond drained. She opened her container of salad and ate, allowing herself to finally relax after a hectic day of work. The smooth jazz played in the background of the café, soothing her occupied mind and flustered emotions.

“It’s okay, I was busy writing too,” The boy in the black hoodie replied, lifting his head momentarily before returning to scribble phrases on his lined notepad.

A lot had happened since So Eun’s fateful and accidental encounter with the boy with the black hoodie at the café weeks ago. For one, So Eun had become a guest writer in the Travel department of the magazine company she worked at, which meant double the heavy workload she already had. The new responsibility of writing for the Travel department also meant So Eun’s more frequent visits to the café, in search of inspiration and a conducive environment to write. And with that came more frequent encounters with the boy with the black hoodie. True to his word, he had indeed returned to the café, just like he had said before. Their regular encounters at the café had somewhat blossomed and developed into a friendship. So Eun had learned that the boy’s name was Han Bin, but he preferred to be called B.I instead. He was the same age as So Eun, a trainee at YG Entertainment, and that he was rapper. It helped So Eun to understand why he looked so familiar, and why he always wore a black hoodie and a snapback.

“I brought these for you,” So Eun reached into her bag to retrieve several crossword puzzles. “I thought you might want to do them if you have the time.”

“Oh, thanks,” Han Bin received the crosswords, slotting them into the back of his notepad. “But I’ve been pretty busy lately. I don’t think I’ll be able to touch them till later.”

“Writing another song?” So Eun leaned forward, peering at the random phrases and sentences he had jotted down on the paper. She proceeded to give him suggestions and pointed out certain details that he should consider changing. It was an occupational hazard and in the weeks that she had met with Han Bin, she had always found herself trying to help him in his song writing.

Honestly, So Eun did not understand how she had even become friends with Han Bin. She was never the sort to chat, much less strike up a friendship with mere strangers, and it was a wonder that she had become friends with someone whom she had simply met by accident. She was a greatly detached person - someone who did not trust or get attached to anyone easily, after all.

So Eun could not explain why she always felt so drawn to Han Bin. Maybe it was because she could relate to his frequent feelings of loneliness. So Eun had always been somewhat of a loner. It wasn’t that she lacked social skills, or that she was an outcast. Rather, she had not had a close friend for a long time. She had moved to Seoul on her own after middle school, leaving her parents and friends behind in her small town of Ulsan. The distance meant that she could only speak to her parents on the phone and although her years of high school had been spent keeping in touch with her Ulsan friends, they had soon moved on with life without her. She had felt forgotten and left behind, and the feelings of loneliness had started from there. She was one, single girl in a big city, with no one to talk to and no one but herself to count on. It didn’t help that the other writers in her department were much older than So Eun, making it difficult for her to develop a comfortable friendship with any of them. She ate alone, lived alone and the nature of her job was largely a solitary activity. She could hence see so much of her own loneliness in his, the way he often felt alone with no one to confide in. He carried so much on his shoulders as the leader of his team, and often bottled up his frustration and fears, not wanting to burden his other members or worry his parents back at home.

“By the way, thanks for coming to the Han river the other night,” Han Bin spoke without looking up from his notepad.

“Don’t worry about it,” So Eun replied, mouth full of food. She swallowed before she continued. “I was out anyway. It was getting really suffocating and lonely at home so I was out for a walk when you called. I would have gone there eventually even if you hadn’t told me you were there anyway.”

There was nothing much to So Eun’s friendship with Han Bin. They didn’t exactly keep in touch with each other outside of their time with each other at the café. They were both busy with their own lives, and the only way they continued to see each other was by their chance encounters at the café. They never planned to meet. If either of them spotted the other at the café that day, they simply sat with each other even if other empty tables were available. They merely enjoyed each other’s company when they could. Sometimes, they would stay a little longer just to confide in each other over cups of warm milk and coffee and it was through these little pockets of heart-to-heart conversation that So Eun had found herself being slowly, but surely, drawn closer to Han Bin. It was perhaps his honesty in sharing with her that made her feel undeniably close to him, despite the fact that they had not known each other for long in reality. Or maybe it was his piercing, intense gaze that seemed to be able to look past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest with him.

Ultimately, So Eun could feel an undeniable connection with this boy in the black hoodie, like as if her heart and her soul knew him even before her eyes recognised his face. How was she to put it? It was like every time she spent time with Han Bin, it made her feel as though she was remembering who he was, rather than getting to know him as someone new. Every single conversation seemed to push her towards the undeniable conviction that she must have known him, in some other time and place, for he was so impossibly familiar to her, even if her mind told her that she had never met him before that fateful day at the café. Sure, they didn’t seem to have much in common - she could never appreciate hip hop, the very thing that Han Bin had said was his life. Likewise, Han Bin could never understand how she could live without coffee, or how So Eun be so regimented about her everyday routine. But it didn’t matter. Beyond superficial likes and dislikes, So Eun realised that she had found her kindred spirit in Han Bin, that he was so much like herself on the inside.

“Hey, I’ve got to go,” Han Bin shot up from his seat, gathering his things quickly. “I’ll see you when I see you!” He bid goodbye hastily before turning to leave. No last backward glance, no goodbye waves.

So Eun nodded before returning to her food. No proper goodbyes were ever needed. They would see each other when they did - simple as that.

*****

The bone chilling winter air blew unrelentingly as So Eun trudged along the sidewalk. Her thick brunette waves flew in all directions, but she did not care to pull her hands from the warmth of her coat pockets to tame them. It was winter now, and the sun had set early, leaving the streets dim and glowing under the warm yellow street lights that were left to illuminate the sidewalks. She hummed a soft, melancholic tune under her breath, as she revelled in the emptiness of the street, before turning the corner and entering a small, warm book café, her newest haunt.

If anyone knew So Eun, they would have understood her to be a creature of habit. She didn’t like change, and she never spontaneously pursued variety in her everyday routine. It had been a wonder, then, that she had decided to find another café to regularly visit instead of the one she had gone to for years. Perhaps it was because she had started taking a liking to the peppermint tea this new café served, or maybe because she had moved to a new neighbourhood and the old café was too out of the way for her to visit often anymore. So Eun looked around, dismayed that the café was a little more crowded today because of the low temperatures outside. She sat herself down at her favourite table, nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. (After all, she was a creature of habit wasn’t she?) So Eun sipped on her tea, allowing the minty liquid glide down her throat and warm her frozen insides. She sighed, letting the indie music in the background soothe her busy mind and troubled heart.

A lot sure had changed over the last half a year. Not only had So Eun moved to a new neighbourhood, she had also been promoted to assistant chief editor of her department at the magazine, although she still faithfully wrote her own column every two weeks. People had come and gone from her department at the magazine, and so did some in her life. Han Bin, the name always seemed to echo constantly in her head, granting her no reprieve. If So Eun was honest with herself, she would admit that he was probably the root reason why So Eun never visited her old favourite café anymore. There were too many memories with Han Bin there that So Eun didn’t need to be continuously reminded of. And perhaps, just perhaps, So Eun was afraid. She was afraid that she might bump into him one day, again, and that she wouldn’t know what to say or how to act. It had been a long time since So Eun had seen Han Bin. Since they never kept in touch or planned to meet each other, So Eun began to see him less and less at the old café, partially because he had been busy producing and preparing for his debut. With that, So Eun felt herself grow increasingly distant from the boy whom she had once considered her kindred spirit. Even when she did see him at the café occasionally, he never stayed for long, and was often too exhausted to talk anyway. Slowly, but surely, his visits to the café decreased, until one day, he never came again. Of course part of So Eun had waited for him to return. For weeks she still went back to the café, and stayed till late not only just immersed in her work, but also hoping that the next person that walked through the entrance would be her boy in the black hoodie. But he never returned, and So Eun once again felt forgotten and alone. She accepted the fact that perhaps he would just be another person that passed through her life.

So Eun pulled out her laptop, plugging in her earphones. These past a few weeks, the Entertainment and Music department had been trying to persuade her to transfer to their department and write for them instead although So Eun had repeatedly refused. She never felt up to it - she was an indie and jazz sort of girl and she knew so little about Korean hip hop and Korean pop music. But nevertheless, their persuasion had somewhat worked for So Eun had finally relented earlier this week to writing a feature article for their section. It was going to be an one-off thing - she was going to write just one article to appease them and show them that she wasn’t suitable for their department after all.

So Eun clicked the music file they had sent her and opened it. The title read ‘Long Time No See’. So Eun typed quickly on her document, taking notes. She didn’t recognise the artist name though - Ikon, were they a new group? She decided against checking them up online, hoping that without looking at the members’ faces, she would be able to give an unbiased first impression. So Eun clicked again to listen to the song, increasing the volume so she could listen carefully to the lyrics and give a good critique. A sweet, slightly melancholic melody began to play, before a husky voice began.

* Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqvLD65Kt4

너 같은 사람은 너 하나 밖에 없더라

There isn’t anyone who is like you

가진 게 없어도 더할 게 하나 없더라

Eventhough I don’t have anything, I don’t need anything

근데, 내 세상을 자꾸 멈춰 나

But my world keeps stopping

네가 없을 땐 내 주위엔 꽃이 하나 없더라

There’s not a single flower around me when you’re not here with me

Long time no see 너를 향한 손짓

Long time no see, my hands towards you

바라보는 눈빛 뭔지

My eyes looking at you, what is this?

중심에 있던 네가 추억에 잠겨버린 후

You were my centre but after you sank into my memories

다시 네 앞에 서기까지

In order to stand before of you again

노력했어 늘

I’ve been working hard

다시 본다는 사실에 내 맘은 자꾸만 설레

My heart keeps fluttering at the fact that I can see you again

네 이름이 입에 뱄어 온종일 네 얘길 꺼내

Your name is on my mouth, I talk about you all day

I don’t want nobody else

시간을 달려왔어 Baby 좀만 기다려

I ran through time, baby, just wait for a moment more

So Eun paused the song, taking her time to jot down her initial thoughts on the first rap. The pain of separation, but the promise of return as assurance for the one who is waiting, she typed. The anticipation that comes with a long-awaited reunion and the promise that one was not forgotten for the time when the other was gone. As she typed, she could feel something dormant stir in her heart.

So Eun clicked the play button once again.

기억 저편에서 날 기다리던

I remember you saying you will wait for me

너의 앞에 서있어 Ooh yeah

I’m in front of you now, oh yeah

Long time no see 그동안 어떻게 지냈니

Long time no see, how have you been?

너무 오랫동안 기다렸지 이제 어디 안 가

I know you’ve been waiting long, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Long time no see 많이 그리웠어 나 역시

Long time no see, I really missed you a lot too

네게 가는 길을 헤매었지 이제 어디 안 가

I’ve been trying to find a way to get back to you, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

So Eun paused the song again. The ache in her chest had increased. Why did she feel so connected to the song? She tried to shake off the emotions that were beginning to bubble inside of her in attempts to give a good analysis. A reunion that was long due means a lot of catching up to do, she typed. Recalling the past, and the time away from one another that was spent pining for each other. And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.

So Eun took a deep breath, suppressing her emotions before pressing the play button again. Her hands stilled on her keyboard. Her breath was caught in her throat. The voice of the next rapper - the one she had heard so often before in late night conversations over milk and coffee, the one she hadn’t heard in ages. It was her boy in the black hoodie.

널 기다리게 했지 결국

I’ve kept you waiting, eventually

부러질 듯 가녀린 새끼손가락 걸고

I made a pinky swear, holding your fragile pinky that seemed like it might break

약속 했지만 지켜주지 못했 미안해

I’m sorry I’ve not kept my promise

왜 이리 늦었는지 설명해줄게 전부

I’ll explain everything of why I came back this late

신이 주신 아픔을 이겨내느라

I was trying to defeat the pain God gave to me

피와 살을 나눈 형제들을 지켜내느라

I was protecting my brothers with whom I share my flesh and blood

공허함만이 남은 속을 비워내면서도

I was emptying what was inside of me, although I had nothing left

커져만 가는 꿈을 계속 이뤄내느라

I was trying to make my growing dreams come true

많이 늦었어

That’s why I’m late

무너진 꿈을 다시 일으키기까지가 힘들었어

My dreams fell down and it was difficult to set them upright again

끝내 지금의 내가 됐고 넌 여전히 아름답네

At last I’ve become what I am right now, and you are still beautiful

오랜만이야 많이 그리웠어

It’s been a long time, I’ve missed you a lot

So Eun paused the song once again, this time, her eyes clouded with tears. Her boy in the black hoodie. Han Bin, the name kept echoing through her mind once again. It was only at this very moment that So Eun allowed herself to acknowledge that she missed him, desperately. For the past few months she had been so busy trying to forget all that connection she had felt for him, trying to convince herself that she should move on from someone who was only passing through her insignificant existence. She had come to believe herself to be insignificant to him, who was meant for greater things. She was trying to forget the only person that had been the closest thing she had to a kindred spirit, and she felt like a part of her had been missing.

Suddenly, someone abruptly placed his tray at her table, jolting So Eun out from her thoughts and her sorrow. She looked up at the stranger, wondering why out of all the empty tables, he had chosen to stop by hers. Her heart skipped a beat as her eyes met the stranger’s own - the pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun would have ever seen, the ones that had always looked past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest. Her boy with the black hoodie. He reached forward to wipe the tears from her wet cheeks. His hands were rough, but warm and comforting.

“It’s been a long time, crossword girl,” the boy whom So Eun’s heart and her soul knew even before her eyes recognised said, his voice exactly the way she remembered it. “Fancy seeing you here, what happened to the old café?”

So Eun was at a loss for words, the document on her laptop forgotten. The last words she had typed sat there on the screen - And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.

[jang-ye-rim]

serendipity

(sɛr ənˈdɪp ɪ ti), (noun) | Recognized as one of the most beautiful words in the English language, serendipity is defined as the occurrence of making pleasant and desirable discoveries by pure accident. It is also deemed as one of the most difficult words to translate in the English due to its whimsical and magical nature.

etymology: Its origins stem from a Persian fairy tale, The Three Princes of Serendip, who were known for “always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of.”

(via wordsnquotes)

[jang-ye-rim]

Serendipity

Serendipity;

An aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

So Eun gripped the edges of her tray tightly, her eyes scanning feverishly across the crowded café for an empty table. She sighed inwardly. She hated crowds, which had been the reason why this quaint café had become her favourite haunt - it was always quiet and empty - or at least it had been. So Eun shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling awkward just standing in the middle of the café, looking like a lost child. From the corner of her eye, she spied her favourite table, the one nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. She chewed on her bottom lip, debating whether she should approach. The table for four was occupied by a boy, who seemed to be alone. He wore a black hoodie and had his back facing her, his head bent down over his food, making it seem like he did not want to be disturbed. So Eun sighed again. She hated talking to strangers - she had always been the sort to warm up to others slowly, making it difficult for her to approach anyone she did not know even if it was just for a momentary conversation. She inhaled slowly, attempting to compose herself before she approached the table cautiously, afraid of the boy’s possible reaction.

So Eun cleared her voice, attempting to catch the boy’s attention. To her dismay, he had not heard her over the background music and the loud chatter in the café. She reached out to tap his shoulder, only to stop herself before doing so. What if he got offended? Deciding against it, she placed her tray on the table abruptly, causing the boy to look up from his food.

“U-umm, hi, is this seat taken?” She asked awkwardly, mentally chastising herself for being so rude and abrupt.

The boy looked up momentarily, giving her a glance, before he shook his head. He nodded towards the empty seat diagonally across from him, indicating that she could take it, before turning back to his own food.

“T-thank you,” So Eun sat herself down at the table as quietly and gingerly as possible. The boy looked tired and sullen, making her feel a little guilty that she seemed to be disturbing his peace.

So Eun opened the container of chicken salad and speared the ingredients as she ate silently. Her stomach thanked her gratefully for the food, especially after she had gone hungry all day. She had been kept up to her neck in work at the office today, and had skipped lunch - only now were the hunger pangs returning. So Eun had been so immersed and engrossed in her writing and editing all day that she had not even felt any urge to eat at all. That was how it always was, especially when inspiration came and she became lost in her own little world. So Eun was a writer at a well-loved and large magazine company in Seoul, where she wrote in the Lifestyle and Self-Improvement department. She had gained a prestigious internship in the company when she first entered college, and had worked her way up to earn her very own column in the magazine despite her young age. This had all happened whilst her fellow counterparts were looking for jobs after graduation, or travelling to celebrate the end of college. And so now here she was, shouldering more responsibilities than any other fresh college graduate would have - readers expected enlightening and insightful columns every two weeks and she knew she had to deliver them no matter what. No one, of course, knew that she was the writer behind the much-loved ‘Introverted Insights’ column - for nobody would have believed or taken her seriously if they knew of her real age. Even her chief editor was often floored by the maturity of her writing and how she seemed to know so much at her young age. Maybe it was her tendency for introversion - she wasn’t the sort to talk much at all, but she had an extremely vibrant inner world that allowed her much introspection. She expressed her true feelings and thoughts through her writing, the way she could not do so verbally or socially with others, and perhaps that was what drew such a steady readership to her column.

So Eun observed the boy that shared her table from the corner of her eye as she ate. He appeared drained and weary, and So Eun could almost feel a suffocating atmosphere surrounding him. He was troubled, and So Eun was curious what it was that was creating a cloud of doom and gloom around him. That was another of So Eun’s strengths. Her introverted personality meant that the energy others used for social interactions and endeavours had been translated into acute observation skills in her case - it made her extremely sharp and intuitive in sensing others’ emotions and sentiments. She retrieved her unfinished crossword puzzle from her bag, along with her pen. It was one of her past-times - a way for her to decompress, especially after writing about such serious topics everyday at the office. She stared at the clue for the  next word.

“8 across, beautiful coincidences,” So Eun stared at the folded paper in her hands, mumbling under her breath. Her mind was blank. Beautiful coincidences? She suddenly could not find a word for the clue given. “11 letters.” She counted the number of boxes on the paper. She chewed on the top of her pen as she fell into deep thought, racking her brains for the word. What was a beautiful coincidence? Could coincidences even be considered beautiful in the first place? The empty boxes on the crossword puzzle stared back at her.

“Serendipity.” So Eun’s head shot up. Did she hear someone say something? She turned her head slightly, only to meet the boy’s eyes. He was staring back at her now, having lifted his head from his plate. So Eun froze in her seat for a moment, as she held his stare. The boy had a pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun had ever seen - they seemed to possess such a potent intensity, and as he looked at her, she suddenly felt naked and bare. It was as if the boy’s intense gaze could see right through her, into the depths of her soul. So Eun felt an uneasy and foreign feeling stir in her chest and she quickly broke eye contact - no one had affected her so much before with a mere gaze.

“I’m sorry?” She enquired, wondering whether she had heard right. The boy looked down for a moment at the crossword puzzle in her hand, before looking up at her again.

“8 across, 11 letters, beautiful coincidences. Serendipity.” He jerked his head towards the crossword puzzle, the stoic expression on his face never changing one bit since he began talking. His voice was smooth and a little husky, and despite the loud chatter and background music in the café, she was able to hear him loud and clear.

“Oh, t-thank you,” So Eun looked down to quickly scribble the answer on the crossword. She hadn’t known that he had heard her mumbling under her breath, or that he had been paying attention to the crossword in her hand. It made her wonder whether he had been watching her whilst he was eating all along.

“I don’t think I know anyone who still does those,” The boy continued, looking down at the crossword in So Eun’s hands.

“Oh this?” So Eun responded rather awkwardly, not knowing where this conversation was going. “I guess most people use their phones too much nowadays, but I’m a bit more old school.” So Eun admitted honestly, before becoming alarmed that she was sharing about herself to a total stranger.

“Is that why you like this café?” The boy enquired, turning to take in the café scene. Whilst doing so, the hood of his jacket fell back, revealing his full face and the snapback he had on his head. So Eun found him oddly … familiar. Where had she seen him before?

“U-uh well, I guess so?” So Eun answered tentatively, suddenly suspicious at the boy’s sudden questions. “It’s cosy and usually quiet in here. The jazz and indie they put on is really good as well. So do you like it here?” It was So Eun’s turn to ask the question, trying to prevent herself from revealing anything more to this stranger.

“Yeah, it’s not too bad. I might actually come back here sometime,” The boy stood up and gathered his things. “See you, crossword girl.” The boy shot So Eun a smirk before turning and leaving. So Eun was dumbfounded. What had just happened?

*****

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late,” So Eun collapsed into the chair at her favourite table in her favourite café. She exhaled tiredly, rubbing her sore neck. She had been bent over her laptop all day at the office feverishly researching and writing for her next column and she was beyond drained. She opened her container of salad and ate, allowing herself to finally relax after a hectic day of work. The smooth jazz played in the background of the café, soothing her occupied mind and flustered emotions.

“It’s okay, I was busy writing too,” The boy in the black hoodie replied, lifting his head momentarily before returning to scribble phrases on his lined notepad.

A lot had happened since So Eun’s fateful and accidental encounter with the boy with the black hoodie at the café weeks ago. For one, So Eun had become a guest writer in the Travel department of the magazine company she worked at, which meant double the heavy workload she already had. The new responsibility of writing for the Travel department also meant So Eun’s more frequent visits to the café, in search of inspiration and a conducive environment to write. And with that came more frequent encounters with the boy with the black hoodie. True to his word, he had indeed returned to the café, just like he had said before. Their regular encounters at the café had somewhat blossomed and developed into a friendship. So Eun had learned that the boy’s name was Han Bin, but he preferred to be called B.I instead. He was the same age as So Eun, a trainee at YG Entertainment, and that he was rapper. It helped So Eun to understand why he looked so familiar, and why he always wore a black hoodie and a snapback.

“I brought these for you,” So Eun reached into her bag to retrieve several crossword puzzles. “I thought you might want to do them if you have the time.”

“Oh, thanks,” Han Bin received the crosswords, slotting them into the back of his notepad. “But I’ve been pretty busy lately. I don’t think I’ll be able to touch them till later.”

“Writing another song?” So Eun leaned forward, peering at the random phrases and sentences he had jotted down on the paper. She proceeded to give him suggestions and pointed out certain details that he should consider changing. It was an occupational hazard and in the weeks that she had met with Han Bin, she had always found herself trying to help him in his song writing.

Honestly, So Eun did not understand how she had even become friends with Han Bin. She was never the sort to chat, much less strike up a friendship with mere strangers, and it was a wonder that she had become friends with someone whom she had simply met by accident. She was a greatly detached person - someone who did not trust or get attached to anyone easily, after all.

So Eun could not explain why she always felt so drawn to Han Bin. Maybe it was because she could relate to his frequent feelings of loneliness. So Eun had always been somewhat of a loner. It wasn’t that she lacked social skills, or that she was an outcast. Rather, she had not had a close friend for a long time. She had moved to Seoul on her own after middle school, leaving her parents and friends behind in her small town of Ulsan. The distance meant that she could only speak to her parents on the phone and although her years of high school had been spent keeping in touch with her Ulsan friends, they had soon moved on with life without her. She had felt forgotten and left behind, and the feelings of loneliness had started from there. She was one, single girl in a big city, with no one to talk to and no one but herself to count on. It didn’t help that the other writers in her department were much older than So Eun, making it difficult for her to develop a comfortable friendship with any of them. She ate alone, lived alone and the nature of her job was largely a solitary activity. She could hence see so much of her own loneliness in his, the way he often felt alone with no one to confide in. He carried so much on his shoulders as the leader of his team, and often bottled up his frustration and fears, not wanting to burden his other members or worry his parents back at home.

“By the way, thanks for coming to the Han river the other night,” Han Bin spoke without looking up from his notepad.

“Don’t worry about it,” So Eun replied, mouth full of food. She swallowed before she continued. “I was out anyway. It was getting really suffocating and lonely at home so I was out for a walk when you called. I would have gone there eventually even if you hadn’t told me you were there anyway.”

There was nothing much to So Eun’s friendship with Han Bin. They didn’t exactly keep in touch with each other outside of their time with each other at the café. They were both busy with their own lives, and the only way they continued to see each other was by their chance encounters at the café. They never planned to meet. If either of them spotted the other at the café that day, they simply sat with each other even if other empty tables were available. They merely enjoyed each other’s company when they could. Sometimes, they would stay a little longer just to confide in each other over cups of warm milk and coffee and it was through these little pockets of heart-to-heart conversation that So Eun had found herself being slowly, but surely, drawn closer to Han Bin. It was perhaps his honesty in sharing with her that made her feel undeniably close to him, despite the fact that they had not known each other for long in reality. Or maybe it was his piercing, intense gaze that seemed to be able to look past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest with him.

Ultimately, So Eun could feel an undeniable connection with this boy in the black hoodie, like as if her heart and her soul knew him even before her eyes recognised his face. How was she to put it? It was like every time she spent time with Han Bin, it made her feel as though she was remembering who he was, rather than getting to know him as someone new. Every single conversation seemed to push her towards the undeniable conviction that she must have known him, in some other time and place, for he was so impossibly familiar to her, even if her mind told her that she had never met him before that fateful day at the café. Sure, they didn’t seem to have much in common - she could never appreciate hip hop, the very thing that Han Bin had said was his life. Likewise, Han Bin could never understand how she could live without coffee, or how So Eun be so regimented about her everyday routine. But it didn’t matter. Beyond superficial likes and dislikes, So Eun realised that she had found her kindred spirit in Han Bin, that he was so much like herself on the inside.

“Hey, I’ve got to go,” Han Bin shot up from his seat, gathering his things quickly. “I’ll see you when I see you!” He bid goodbye hastily before turning to leave. No last backward glance, no goodbye waves.

So Eun nodded before returning to her food. No proper goodbyes were ever needed. They would see each other when they did - simple as that.

*****

The bone chilling winter air blew unrelentingly as So Eun trudged along the sidewalk. Her thick brunette waves flew in all directions, but she did not care to pull her hands from the warmth of her coat pockets to tame them. It was winter now, and the sun had set early, leaving the streets dim and glowing under the warm yellow street lights that were left to illuminate the sidewalks. She hummed a soft, melancholic tune under her breath, as she revelled in the emptiness of the street, before turning the corner and entering a small, warm book café, her newest haunt.

If anyone knew So Eun, they would have understood her to be a creature of habit. She didn’t like change, and she never spontaneously pursued variety in her everyday routine. It had been a wonder, then, that she had decided to find another café to regularly visit instead of the one she had gone to for years. Perhaps it was because she had started taking a liking to the peppermint tea this new café served, or maybe because she had moved to a new neighbourhood and the old café was too out of the way for her to visit often anymore. So Eun looked around, dismayed that the café was a little more crowded today because of the low temperatures outside. She sat herself down at her favourite table, nestled at the far corner, where the lights were dimmer and where she was always left to enjoy the relaxing, soothing atmosphere without any disturbance. (After all, she was a creature of habit wasn’t she?) So Eun sipped on her tea, allowing the minty liquid glide down her throat and warm her frozen insides. She sighed, letting the indie music in the background soothe her busy mind and troubled heart.

A lot sure had changed over the last half a year. Not only had So Eun moved to a new neighbourhood, she had also been promoted to assistant chief editor of her department at the magazine, although she still faithfully wrote her own column every two weeks. People had come and gone from her department at the magazine, and so did some in her life. Han Bin, the name always seemed to echo constantly in her head, granting her no reprieve. If So Eun was honest with herself, she would admit that he was probably the root reason why So Eun never visited her old favourite café anymore. There were too many memories with Han Bin there that So Eun didn’t need to be continuously reminded of. And perhaps, just perhaps, So Eun was afraid. She was afraid that she might bump into him one day, again, and that she wouldn’t know what to say or how to act. It had been a long time since So Eun had seen Han Bin. Since they never kept in touch or planned to meet each other, So Eun began to see him less and less at the old café, partially because he had been busy producing and preparing for his debut. With that, So Eun felt herself grow increasingly distant from the boy whom she had once considered her kindred spirit. Even when she did see him at the café occasionally, he never stayed for long, and was often too exhausted to talk anyway. Slowly, but surely, his visits to the café decreased, until one day, he never came again. Of course part of So Eun had waited for him to return. For weeks she still went back to the café, and stayed till late not only just immersed in her work, but also hoping that the next person that walked through the entrance would be her boy in the black hoodie. But he never returned, and So Eun once again felt forgotten and alone. She accepted the fact that perhaps he would just be another person that passed through her life.

So Eun pulled out her laptop, plugging in her earphones. These past a few weeks, the Entertainment and Music department had been trying to persuade her to transfer to their department and write for them instead although So Eun had repeatedly refused. She never felt up to it - she was an indie and jazz sort of girl and she knew so little about Korean hip hop and Korean pop music. But nevertheless, their persuasion had somewhat worked for So Eun had finally relented earlier this week to writing a feature article for their section. It was going to be an one-off thing - she was going to write just one article to appease them and show them that she wasn’t suitable for their department after all.

So Eun clicked the music file they had sent her and opened it. The title read 'Long Time No See’. So Eun typed quickly on her document, taking notes. She didn’t recognise the artist name though - Ikon, were they a new group? She decided against checking them up online, hoping that without looking at the members’ faces, she would be able to give an unbiased first impression. So Eun clicked again to listen to the song, increasing the volume so she could listen carefully to the lyrics and give a good critique. A sweet, slightly melancholic melody began to play, before a husky voice began.

* Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqvLD65Kt4

너 같은 사람은 너 하나 밖에 없더라

There isn’t anyone who is like you

가진 게 없어도 더할 게 하나 없더라

Eventhough I don’t have anything, I don’t need anything

근데, 내 세상을 자꾸 멈춰 나

But my world keeps stopping

네가 없을 땐 내 주위엔 꽃이 하나 없더라

There’s not a single flower around me when you’re not here with me

Long time no see 너를 향한 손짓

Long time no see, my hands towards you

바라보는 눈빛 뭔지

My eyes looking at you, what is this?

중심에 있던 네가 추억에 잠겨버린 후

You were my centre but after you sank into my memories

다시 네 앞에 서기까지

In order to stand before of you again

노력했어 늘

I’ve been working hard

다시 본다는 사실에 내 맘은 자꾸만 설레

My heart keeps fluttering at the fact that I can see you again

네 이름이 입에 뱄어 온종일 네 얘길 꺼내

Your name is on my mouth, I talk about you all day

I don’t want nobody else

시간을 달려왔어 Baby 좀만 기다려

I ran through time, baby, just wait for a moment more

So Eun paused the song, taking her time to jot down her initial thoughts on the first rap. The pain of separation, but the promise of return as assurance for the one who is waiting, she typed. The anticipation that comes with a long-awaited reunion and the promise that one was not forgotten for the time when the other was gone. As she typed, she could feel something dormant stir in her heart.

So Eun clicked the play button once again.

기억 저편에서 날 기다리던

I remember you saying you will wait for me

너의 앞에 서있어 Ooh yeah

I’m in front of you now, oh yeah

Long time no see 그동안 어떻게 지냈니

Long time no see, how have you been?

너무 오랫동안 기다렸지 이제 어디 안 가

I know you’ve been waiting long, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Long time no see 많이 그리웠어 나 역시

Long time no see, I really missed you a lot too

네게 가는 길을 헤매었지 이제 어디 안 가

I’ve been trying to find a way to get back to you, but I’m not going anywhere now

Baby don’t worry

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

Ahh~ 정말 오랜만이야

Ah, it’s been a really long time

So Eun paused the song again. The ache in her chest had increased. Why did she feel so connected to the song? She tried to shake off the emotions that were beginning to bubble inside of her in attempts to give a good analysis. A reunion that was long due means a lot of catching up to do, she typed. Recalling the past, and the time away from one another that was spent pining for each other. And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.

So Eun took a deep breath, suppressing her emotions before pressing the play button again. Her hands stilled on her keyboard. Her breath was caught in her throat. The voice of the next rapper - the one she had heard so often before in late night conversations over milk and coffee, the one she hadn’t heard in ages. It was her boy in the black hoodie.

널 기다리게 했지 결국

I’ve kept you waiting, eventually

부러질 듯 가녀린 새끼손가락 걸고

I made a pinky swear, holding your fragile pinky that seemed like it might break

약속 했지만 지켜주지 못했 미안해

I’m sorry I’ve not kept my promise

왜 이리 늦었는지 설명해줄게 전부

I’ll explain everything of why I came back this late

신이 주신 아픔을 이겨내느라

I was trying to defeat the pain God gave to me

피와 살을 나눈 형제들을 지켜내느라

I was protecting my brothers with whom I share my flesh and blood

공허함만이 남은 속을 비워내면서도

I was emptying what was inside of me, although I had nothing left

커져만 가는 꿈을 계속 이뤄내느라

I was trying to make my growing dreams come true

많이 늦었어

That’s why I’m late

무너진 꿈을 다시 일으키기까지가 힘들었어

My dreams fell down and it was difficult to set them upright again

끝내 지금의 내가 됐고 넌 여전히 아름답네

At last I’ve become what I am right now, and you are still beautiful

오랜만이야 많이 그리웠어

It’s been a long time, I’ve missed you a lot

So Eun paused the song once again, this time, her eyes clouded with tears. Her boy in the black hoodie. Han Bin, the name kept echoing through her mind once again. It was only at this very moment that So Eun allowed herself to acknowledge that she missed him, desperately. For the past few months she had been so busy trying to forget all that connection she had felt for him, trying to convince herself that she should move on from someone who was only passing through her insignificant existence. She had come to believe herself to be insignificant to him, who was meant for greater things. She was trying to forget the only person that had been the closest thing she had to a kindred spirit, and she felt like a part of her had been missing.

Suddenly, someone abruptly placed his tray at her table, jolting So Eun out from her thoughts and her sorrow. She looked up at the stranger, wondering why out of all the empty tables, he had chosen to stop by hers. Her heart skipped a beat as her eyes met the stranger’s own - the pair of the most emotive eyes So Eun would have ever seen, the ones that had always looked past all her emotional armour and disguise, making her feel like she couldn’t be anything less than honest. Her boy with the black hoodie. He reached forward to wipe the tears from her wet cheeks. His hands were rough, but warm and comforting.

“It’s been a long time, crossword girl,” the boy whom So Eun’s heart and her soul knew even before her eyes recognised said, his voice exactly the way she remembered it. “Fancy seeing you here, what happened to the old café?”

So Eun was at a loss for words, the document on her laptop forgotten. The last words she had typed sat there on the screen - And the assurance that the wait was worth it, and that the wait is now presently over.