januarycraze

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Does anyone still use Tumblr?

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QUiT

Someone said that all smokers deep down all want to quit, I think he had a fair point. So here I am, finally updating this blog with my story of quitting cigarettes, it’s a good one, and it’s been told pretty much a thousand times to friends and family, but hey, considering it is one of my biggest achievements yet (ironically, an achievement non-required had I not made the mistake of picking it up in the first place) I’d like to document it here and perchance someone might come across it and find it useful, then I save a life, who knows.

So about 5 months ago, on an ordinary September night I was tending to my digital koi’s on Zen Koi, a sudden flashback entered my mind, it was a video of an interview of one of my favourite British actors, Ewan McGregor on Ellen, professing his experience on quitting cigarettes with hypnotherapy. Now by that point, I had attempted given up twice, first time lasted 3 months, the other, a little over 3 weeks. The first try was me replying solely on “willpower” and nothing more. Then a year later I procured this little book called “Cigarettes are Sublime” by Richard Klein which was a collection of essays in the study and research of tobacco history and culture. I love the book for as far as I read it, at the time, I parted with cigarettes as if it were breaking up with a long time lover, I learned to accept it, embraced it, and said my farewell, because I did love smoking for when all’s gone and done, cigarettes were always by my side, at my disposal to mend any emotional void or nervous breakdown… Although it was a very good approach with quitting, I went back to smoking as if nothing had happened after a short while.

So by the time Ewan’s interview crossed my thought, I considered the possibility half-heartedly, I wasn’t READY to embark on another journey on quitting smokes, but hypnotherapy sounds hip and cool, so I thought I’d give it a go by checking out the prices online, I went as far as contacting a few therapists via emails and to no surprises each session costs more than I could afford even with the money i’d saved on cigs, no doubt I quickly gave that up, resumed to my fishy paradise of Zen Koi feeling depleted. However a nagging voice rang in my head, next thing I know I was searching on Google Play to see if I could cheap out on the fees for some free apps, to my pleasant findings, I downloaded 4 free apps and one paid app, which cost a little as 5 bucks. It was September 13th, 2016, I’d expected nothing out of them except some novelty, new toys to play with. I wanted to wait ‘til October 1st to commence the trial of cellphone hypnotherapy sessions, however out of curiosity, I chose ONE track to play that night (the paid app, to get a feel of its efficacy). I put on headphones as suggested and laying comfortably on the couch, due to a major ants invasion in the apartment, the bed was infested with ants… I quickly fell asleep with the sound of one Glenn Harrold from his app named simply and quite rightly, “Stop Smoking”. The track lasted 30 minutes, I was able to stay awake for the first 10 minutes until I was fast asleep, the next time I woke up, to my upmost surprise i opened my eyes as Harrold uttered the words “WAKE UP NOW!” I got spooked, but my sleepiness did not keep me pondering about this before i fell back to deep slumber.

The next morning I woke up, not feeling particularly different or out of sorts, only thing was that my throat was dry and a bit swollen, foretold an impending cold, coincidentally i was out of cigs, normally i wouldn’t wait a heartbeat before running to the nearest Dépenneure, but today, ah today I decided to give it a rest, of course in my mind it had nothing to do with the app, it was just me making a conscious decision to give myself a day off, “tomorrow though, i’d definitely go.” was my thought process. That night I resumed the recordings as I did the fore night, at the precise spot I sprang my eyes open where the track stopped, I couldn’t help but be convinced of its influence. In the morning, I had the same irritable sensation in my throat, although i was convinced i’d buy a pack that day, I didn’t. So it went on for rest of the week. Albeit my determination to purchase a new pack throughout the week since my throat had cleared up, fate (or chance, as my beliefs would say) wouldn’t let me get that pack of cigarettes, each time I turned to the shop something had to distract me or I was running too late to make time before the shop closed. Before I knew it, I found myself not smoking one cigarette for a week, it was hardly October yet, I contemplated, yet decided to continue with this undertaking just to see how long it would last me, in my mind, if I could quit for more than 3 months and not developing any desire to pick it up again, i’d consider myself successful.

So it went every night I alternated the two audio tracks, when I got bored with it, I switched to the other free apps, always with headphones on and always before bed, how EXACTLY hypnotherapy works is still a head-scratcher to me, all I can say is, during the past 5 months, I smoked occasionally from the mercy sparing of my colleagues, I bought and chewed nicotine gums for the first time which gave me heart attacks despite small dosages. I didn’t constantly think about smoking or quitting smokes, I did not need to utilize any ‘’willpower’’ for that matter, either. All I did was giving it an honest shot open-mindedly to be completely receptive to hypnotherapy, and now January 30th, (my birthday) I can confidently say I’m a non-smoker. Occasionally if I do smoke due to drinking or whoever offers it to me, I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to, but most importantly, I don’t have the cravings to buy a new pack immediately after smoking one, it won’t even linger in my head.

One of the best things about not smoking, apart from the obvious health benefits, immense savings and no longer being prejudiced from friends/family and the rest of the society is that I suddenly have a LOT more time on hand, I used to be the person that hurry to work so I’d have time to smoke, or I’d rush when I get ready for work, had to smoke before putting on makeups, and another one after, same with running errands, doing chores, cigarettes had to be a part of every routine. Now I can just sit and actually do shit without having to get up, put on socks and fluffy shoes, jacket, gloves, hats, just so I can walk up to the balcony for a smoke. With 1443 cigarettes not smoked since Day 1, I’ve spared 7215 minutes of my life = 120 hours = 5 days, a lot of extra time. That’s a thing that people rarely talk about which I appreciate the most. 

I think I’ll leave it at that, I should go back to the app page to leave a review and a rating and spread the love, see, it’s not so bad being a quitter sometimes. 

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THIS IS HOW: SURVIVING WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN’T

There’s this online journalist that I frequently follow on an independent Taiwanese news website who mainly writes about book reviews and recommendations, I’m gonna call this journalist bluebird since that’s her pen name. Bluebird discusses a wide range genre of books not exclusive to Taiwanese authors, on one of her recent entries she focused on a few books with one common theme: the power of “negative energy”. As opposed to books like “The Secret” or anything written by Esther Hicks regarding “The Law of Attraction” that smears positive self-affirmations like a sugar-pie all over your face, the idea of “negative energy” is like someone taking a hammer then giving it a good whack at your cranium while screaming “WAKE THE FUCK UP AND SMELL THE TRUTH ABOUT LIFE!” Now now, it’s really not as “negative” as you may think, in fact, it’s a breath of fresh air compared to most of other publishings on the self-help shelves at your local bookstore. 

Bluebird’s short summary of this particular pick “This is How: Surviving What You Think You Can’t” by Augusten Burroughs immediately resonated in me and in the following few minutes my finger was working faster than my better judgement, despite my splurge over the holidays on fancy cosmetics and a whole new pile of used books I’d recently purchased, I added this book to my cyber cart and BAM! now it’s here, sitting in my laps.

 As it turned out, it was one of the best impulsive buys in my life! I hesitated reading it first because I’m currently taking on three other books at a time but as soon as I read the first segment: How to Ride an Elevator, I’m convinced I’ve found my own personal bible, (and my imaginary best gay friend). Burroughs’ lecturing is foul-mouthed, abrasive, brutally honest and extremely effective, he is to strip you down from all lies that was conditioned to you since childbirth by your parents, reenforced to you by your friends and imposed to you by the society which consequentially is now deeply rooted as a part of you. This book serves a mean plate of witty truth with a side of humour. What I love about it is the matter-of-fact, straight-up-no-bullshit way of diction: “The truth is, it is not going to help to stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes, and lie to yourself. Especially when you are the one person you are supposed to believe you can count on. Affirmations are the psychological equivalent of sprinkling baby powder on top of the turd your puppy has left on the carpet...” This rings true to my personal conviction, every few pages I read I discovered something that I’ve constantly thought of but rarely been able to speak of for fear of coming across too negative or too vindictive or too cynical, all because of what? because truth is uncomfortable, awkward, and sometimes deemed ill-mannered depending on the receiving end.

Last week as I strutted on the slippery icy pavement to work cursing the Montréal winter, I pondered upon the significance of what to me is possibly the world’s most common hypocrisy that begins with a single question, “How are you?” Let’s face it, how many of you ask this with the intention of actually finding out how he or she is feeling today? There is only one right answer “Great, thanks!”. Someone really nice greeted me with a “How are you?” and I went “meh” with a shrug and the person immediately said “Why!!!” not why with a question mark out of concern of my well-being but why with three exclamation marks to emphasize “EHNN–! WRONG ANSWER!” I loath small talks, never been good at it, and as Burroughs puts it, the exchange of those greasy, zero-calories pleasantries ain’t going to make the world better. All these thought process tumbled in my head before this book arrived, and with each page I turn, I nod, I laugh, I exclaim: Yes! you get me dude, you really do!!! Apart from how to ride an elevator, he proceeds to teach you how to be fat, how to be thin, how to be single (a very touchy subject for me, chuckle chuckle chuckle) and how to feel sorry for yourself just to name a few, and my (non-existent) god! for most of my life I’d shamed myself for not thinking like the norm who are blissfully happy nesting perfectly in sparkly cocoons of positiveness and everything just works out for them in life, this book is here to say there’s no shame in being real with your feelings, no shame to not smile roses and lilies and heart-shaped fluffiness even if it means you’re the minority and you’re likely to be unpopular and misunderstood, you are not alone on this.

The purpose of books like these serve not to bring down the most privileged, positive person in the world, but to put the 99.9% of the normal human beings in a raw perspective of their real issues, Burroughs doesn’t just leave us hanging after shattering our rose-coloured glass (although in some chapters he kind of did) but once we’re shed from all sorts of lies that we use to protect our ego, self-esteem, pride, the meaning to our existence… we may finally gain some relief and be free from such mental bondage, in that we may actually survive, what we thought we couldn’t. 

Negative? Nahhh. 

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Montreal downtown wet snow day

#Montreal #winter #snow #wintry

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chanel on Flickr.

Parfum from an old lover.

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coffee and cigarettes on Flickr.

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meow? on Flickr.

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Not for Sale on Flickr.

kittycat