jassymay

[jassymay]

lou really has played so many roles… he’s even played a dead body on ncis. truly amazing

[jassymay]

missed his tits and nose <3

[jassymay]

OMGGGG HII 50 DAVID IN THE FIRST SCENE

[jassymay]

HIII HI HIIIII HI

[jassymay]

HE'S SO AMUSED AND COMPETITIVE LMAO

[jassymay]

MY SILLY LIL GOOSE ROCKER <3

[jassymay]

GHA

[jassymay]

Fingers! 💅💋👀

LOU FERRIGNO JR — felix magazine bts

[jassymay]

Stay Awake With Me

This is a new Donovan Rocker imagine from Swat that I had an idea for, I hope you will all like it.

Please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22

Swat Masterlist

Summary: When there is an event happening at Swat, (Y/n) goes down to support her husband and his team. But things take a bad turn when she becomes ill and has to go to hospital.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A shiver rolled down (Y/n)'s spine as she looked around the headquarters that were never usually this busy. But then again, this was a charity event and that meant the base was open to the select few from the public who were here to help raise awareness and more than anything; money.

Events like these were all for good causes and the atmosphere was usually bright and inviting, but it was the crowds of people (Y/n) didn't like. She didn't like being surrounded by strangers who wore fake smiles and blabbered chatter that could melt anyone's ear off.

If she didn't smile at events like these then people would ask what was wrong or think she was sour or stuck up. But smiling when she felt uncomfortable was a hard thing to do. (Y/n) wasn't a member of Swat, she was only married to a member and although everyone said that made her family, she still felt like she didn't belong here at headquarters.

But seeing so many other members of the public here who didn't work here or technically 'belong' on any normal day, made (Y/n) feel a bit calmer.

When her eyes landed on her husband, her chest felt a little less tight and her smile didn't feel so forced anymore. She glided across the floor and aimed towards the boxing ring in the middle of the gym.

She could see Rocker pretending to box with a lady in the ring and the sight made her smile feel even more genuine. Rocker looked surprisingly sweet when he was showing the lady how to throw a punch and how to wear the gloves properly so they didn't slip off her wrists.

Her eyes dragged over her husband who was wearing his usual work gear since his team was technically on shift today. Rocker had his usual dark black trousers on with about fifty pockets on each leg, and a cotton shirt with the Swat logo on the top right. His hair was swept away from his temple and he had black boxing gloves strapped to his wrist.

(Y/n) suspected he was only up in that boxing ring to try and engage with people rather than to actually practice and exercise. He would of changed into work gear if he was practicing.

Once the lady climbed out of the ring, (Y/n) moved over and leaned up on her toes so she could loop her arms around the rope secured around the ring. She leaned her head to one side, grinning softly when she caught her husband's eye and he instantly levitated her way.

Rocker stripped the gloves from his hands and set them down in the corner of the ring before he leaned over to look down at his wife. He perched his chin on his arms and grinned, tilting his head to angle down towards her.

"Hi babe." His voice was soft and his smile was intoxicating and made his eyes squint at the corners. He had told (Y/n) to come down whenever she liked and he would show her round and stick with her unless his team had to go out on a call. But Rocker was hoping the afternoon would go smoothly and without a fuss so he could spend some time with his wife and colleagues.

"Hi."

(Y/n)'s stomach fluttered when Rocker reached his hand out towards her until his fingers pressed beneath her chin. He tilted her head back so he could lean over and steal a kiss while his thumb glided up and down her chin.

"Wanna get a drink, look around?"

When she nodded, Rocker weaved through the rope and climbed down and (Y/n) felt like melting when his arm secured around her waist and he reeled her into his side. His lips meshed with the top of her head and his fingers skimmed up and down her hip as if he could feel the nerves radiating off of her.

Rocker knew how anxious she would get and he knew it wasn't easy to be crowded round with strangers so he would stick with her as much as he could to keep her calm.

There were quite a few people around the drinks table where they were handing out juice, water and tea or coffee at the very end of the table. (Y/n) didn't know the person stood behind the drinks table and he looked very pre-occupied, not even looking as he dished out plastic cups to passers by.

(Y/n) took a cup of juice from the edge of the table, suddenly wishing they were serving alcohol as it might have made her a bit less nervous.

She took a large gulp as Rocker started showing her round and pointing out the computer room, the conference room, the back where the kitchen was, the locker room and so on.

She leaned her head on Rocker's shoulder and stayed glued into his side for quite some time as they circled round. And she grinned when she kept noticing that he was weaving away from certain people. He was trying to avoid potential donors who would give lump sums of money to Swat. He didn't want to be involved, he only wanted to entertain people if he had to. Rocker wasn't the best at that side of things, it was why he wasn't in management and why he was glad he wasn't Captain.

He didn't have to put on a show or kiss up to people in order to get their cheque books out. He would much rather govern his team and be in charge in emergencies and situations rather than events like this.

They lasted a full twenty minutes before one of Rocker's team found him and flagged him over.

"A few people wanna look at the armory, can you show them?"

Rocker did his best to refrain from rolling his eyes and he put on his best smile as he nodded. The armory was under lock and key and had to be supervised if anyone went in there. The amount of weapons stored in there meant they needed tight security, especially on open days like this.

Rocker pressed his lips to the top of (Y/n)'s head and squeezed his hand that was curled around her hip. "Are you okay if I disappear for five minutes?"

"Yeah, I'll go speak to Deacon and Annie for a bit." She suddenly felt lonely when Rocker's body left her side leaving her cold and insecure without him beside her. But she would gladly go over to Deacon and his wife who she had spotted a few moments ago. They were close friends, she would be calm and relax if she was around them.

When Rocker drifted from her side, (Y/n) finished the drink in her hand and slowly weaved over to the couple across the gym, putting on her best smile.

***

(Y/n) could feel her foot beginning to tap against the polished floor the longer she stood away from Rocker, waiting for him to come back again. It was almost like a sense of displacement. She didn't feel right being stood here without him, almost as if she had snook in somewhere and without Rocker someone might try and kick her out.

She knew that was never going to happen, but it didn't stop her mind from running away without her or the panic from overwhelming her. (Y/n) wanted to fit in and get along with Rocker's colleagues who were another family to him, she just didn't always know how to do that.

With a smile, (Y/n) excused herself from Annie's company in favour of taking a walk around to see what she could do and if she could be of any help. Being useful would make her feel calmer and like she wasn't just stood here like an ornament.

Her eyes had kept tabs on her husband whenever he passed her by or wandered in the distance. Keeping him in sight so when she got too nervous on her own, she could easily find and approach him.

Swiping her hand against her forehead, (Y/n) took a deep breath and tried to ignore the fact that she felt like she heating was turned on in here rather than the aircon.

The smile on Rocker's face when he saw her made adrenaline spark in (Y/n)'s stomach and it made her feel so much more relaxed. He had both hands planted down on his hips and one hip cocked out to the side but when she came within reach, his arm was already wound around her waist. Reeling her into his side where she belonged.

"You remember Hondo, right?" Rocker pressed a kiss to (Y/n)'s cheek that he noticed was a bit flushed, and he could see a sheen of sweat glistening on her exposed skin in the bright lights. Dipping his head down, Rocker raised a brow, silently asking if she was alright but her smile eased the rising concern he felt.

"Of course, it's been a while, how are you?" She leaned her head into Rocker's chest and smiled across at Hondo. It had been a few weeks since she had last seen him, but she remembered most of the people Rocker worked closely with.

"Busy, but at least it's not my team on call today." He nudged his elbow into Rocker as a grin lit up his face. "You doing well?"

(Y/n) murmured a soft "I am," before she turned into Rocker a little more. He loved the way (Y/n) wrapped her arms around his chest and he could feel her nuzzling her face into his neck, graze her lips against his skin.

Turning her head, (Y/n) kept her cheek nuzzled against his neck and a kind smile on her face towards the other squad leader next to Rocker whose focus was now switched to a new line of conversation.

She stayed burrowed into Rocker's side until Hondo had to excuse himself to go and talk to the commander. (Y/n) could see Rocker was contemplating what to do, if they looked busy the members of the public in here wouldn't come over to them which meant he didn't have to deal with anyone or strike up conversations. She knew Rocker would find someone else on the team to talk to and socialise with soon enough.

And (Y/n) had promised she would stay as long as she could, either until this event ended or until Rocker's team had to go out on a call. That way it kept them both calm and Rocker could see more of her since he was technically on shift right now.

She knew full well that if Rocker wasn't on shift, he would have made excuses for them both and would have gone home by now.

With her cheek resting on Rocker's chest, (Y/n) let her eyes fall closed and pushed further into him like she was trying to find a way into his heart to keep close and safe. She felt his hand glide up and down her hip with his arm pinned into her lower back, keeping her caged in his embrace as if he was afraid she was going to disappear.

The unease she had been feeling earlier had melted away but it was now replaced with something else. Her stomach was starting to curl into knots in a way that made (Y/n) unsure if she was going to be sick or not and the room now felt like it was in the middle of a volcano. Heat was rising all around her, prickling her sweaty skin and making her feel uncomfortable.

When Rocker began guiding them around the base, (Y/n) felt her head start to spin even though they were taking a slow walk round, weaving through the crowds of people. It felt like they weren't walking at all with how slow and calculated their pace was, but (Y/n)'s steps faltered all the same causing her weight to lean into Rocker.

"You okay?" Tipping his head down, Rocker hovered his lips over the shell of her ear and kissed the spot behind her ear, keeping her leaning into him just to be safe.

"Can we sit down?" (Y/n) scrunched his shirt up in her fist that was resting on his lower back, grounding herself to him and his heartbeat that thundered peacefully through her skin. She must just be feeling a bit overwhelmed, but (Y/n) knew she needed to sit down, she couldn't stand for much longer.

"Course, what's wrong?" Rocker's hand moved to the small of her back as he slowly guided them towards the nearest bench that wasn't occupied.

"I just feel lightheaded, I'm okay."

She felt better when she sat down and the weight was off her legs that had started to tremble. Her elbows rested on her thighs and her hand propped up her head that was suddenly too heavy for her neck. Her stomach was still churning and knotting up like a tangled snake inside her, but sitting down helped a tiny bit. Rocker's hands on her shoulders and his lips against the back of her head helped the most.

"Do you want a drink?" Rocker murmured into the back of her head and (Y/n) hummed. Maybe she was dehydrated. Maybe some water would make her feel better, she was probably just tired and dehydrated.

Reaching behind her, (Y/n) squeezed Rocker's wrist and managed a small smile when she tilted her head back to look up at him. She didn't want to panic him, she would be fine in a minute. She felt him peck her temple before he wandered over towards the drinks table.

He scanned the table that was vacant of anyone handing out drinks and no one was nearby taking drinks either. Everyone must of had enough, after all there was no alcohol here to entice them.

He took a plastic cup of water but when he spun round, he frowned. Quiet a few people were heading out into the car park.

"Deak, something happening outside?" He tapped Deacon's shoulder when the older man walked by him and ticked his head towards the back door. Was there some event outside? Was Luca showing people round the squad cars and round Black Betty?

Deacon's hands fell to his shoulders and Rocker realised he looked rather concerned and panicked about something.

"Someone's collapsed outside, probably just dehydration." He patted Rocker's shoulder before he headed towards the commotion where someone was hurrying over with a first aid kit. But Rocker couldn't help but frown; Deacon didn't look like he believed it was as simple as that.

Rocker shook his head and made his way back towards where he'd left his wife, but he didn't like the faraway look in her eyes or the discomfort written across her face.

(Y/n) closed her eyes when he walked back over to her and pressed her palm against her face to supress a groan. She didn't feel great.

Rocker scanned his eyes around the base as he moved to sit next to (Y/n) and handed her the plastic cup. He wrapped his arm around her waist, letting her lean on him as she tried to take a sip of water but she didn't feel like it was helping very much. And when Rocker felt her trembling against him, something sparked to life in his gut and his face hardened like stone.

He pushed off the bench and twisted round to crouch in front of her with her knees pressing into his chest. His hands moved to rub up and down her thighs over her leggings but he could feel his heart shattering in his chest when he looked up at her.

She looked worse than she had earlier.

She had looked nervous when she turned up but not ill. Now, Rocker could see her skin wasn't the right colour anymore, her arm was bound around her stomach like she was in pain and her whole body had started to tremble. When he pressed the back of his hand against her temple, he could feel she was starting to run a temperature.

"I think I need to take you home."

She definitely could stay here any longer when she looked like she was either going to collapse or start crying in agony. And Rocker didn't want to stay on shift and send (Y/n) home like this, he wanted to take her home and make sure she was okay. He was sure Hicks would let him have the afternoon off and if not he could ask Hondo if he would mind watching the team for a while.

Even if that meant Rocker taking (Y/n) home, getting her settled then coming straight back to base.

"You- you're on shift." (Y/n) tried to smile but she couldn't manage it and she knew Rocker was seeing right through her.

But she watched him tense up when she groaned and bound her arm around her waist. She doubled forward to smother her face in his chest, praying that coiling in on herself like this would somehow make her feel better, but she felt like she was going to be sick or pass out, possibly both.

His hands moved from her thighs to her upper arms that were still shaking and he pressed his forehead against the top of her head, quietly shushing her when she started to groan.

"Baby, talk to me. What's wrong?"

(Y/n) tried to shake her head but it only made her feel dizzy and when she tried to speak, nothing but a croaked gurgle left her lips. She wanted to go home, she knew she had to go home, and as much as she wanted Rocker to take her home, he was still on shift. His team was on call for any emergencies that popped up, he could hardly leave them and go home.

Her stomach was suffering agonising cramps, everything was trembling and her body was on fire.

She wanted Rocker wrapped around her like a blanket, she wanted to feel his comfort and for him to magically take all the pain away but she didn't even know why she was suddenly in so much pain.

She felt fine before she came here.

Carefully, Rocker took (Y/n)'s chin between his fingers and tilted her head up so she could look at him again and it broke his heart to see tears staining her cheeks.

"Baby-"

Whatever he was about to say got stuck at the back of his throat when (Y/n) whimpered. But before he could say anything, (Y/n) pulled her head out of his grasp and twisted to the side just in time to throw up on the floor. Her eyes snapped closed and her arms stayed bound around her waist as she almost toppled off the bench.

Rocker remained perfectly still, his hands frozen on her arms and his jaw slack before he gently moved to rub his hand up and down her back. Something was definitely wrong with his wife for her to be sick and crying in public like this. (Y/n) was always so well composed and if she felt ill she would discreetly excuse herself. But this wasn't nerves, it was something else.

"Let it out, baby. That's it."

Rocker began to glide his hand up and down her back while his other hand curled around her thigh and his thumb stroked over her skin.

When she threw up again, Rocker sighed into her hair and pushed himself up a little higher, balancing his weight on his heels as his eyes glanced around the base. Quite a few eyes were looking in their direction and a few people were dithering, unsure whether to get close and ask if they needed help or not.

"I'll go and talk to Hicks in a minute, baby I need to take you home." Rocker didn't care if (Y/n) tried to argue with him on this. There was no way he could let her make her own way home when she was in this state. And he didn't want anyone else offering to take her home. He needed to be with her and he knew Hicks would understand.

He bent his knees and pushed up when (Y/n) finally reeled back up so she was no longer leant over the bench. She had finished throwing up. But just as Rocker was about to wander off to find the commander, he paused when (Y/n)'s hand clamped around his wrist and gave a feeble tug.

"Don…"

Usually hearing (Y/n) say his name had Rocker's knees going weak and had a smile lighting up his face. She was the only one who didn't call him by their shared last name, she was the only one who called him that. But he hated the panic in her voice and how frightened she sounded. He never wanted to hear her say his name like that.

He looked down at her, wondering what the panic in her voice was for, but he felt all the blood drain down to his toes when he looked at her.

Blood was dribbling down her lower lip and slithering across her chin.

Gulping, Rocker tried to stop himself from shaking and he went right back down to crouching in front of her. His hand cupped her chin and he tilted her head down towards him so he could peer into her mouth. She had thrown that up. She didn't have a loose tooth or a nosebleed and she hadn't simply bitten her tongue by mistake. She was very ill.

What was happening to her?

"Hondo." The stern tone in Rocker's voice made (Y/n) shiver and she watched through teary eyes as he waved his hand over at the other team leader. "Get Hicks, I've got an emergency. I need a first aider over here."

Hondo nodded, pointing Deacon over towards them while he spun and went off to find their commander. Hicks had to be told there was a situation because Rocker didn't believe that someone had collapsed outside and now (Y/n) was throwing up blood and the two weren't related. She had been fine before she came here; something was wrong.

Deacon perched down on the bench beside (Y/n), whispering a soft "Can I?" as he motioned to her. He tried to see if she was flushed, checked her pulse and tilted her head back.

Each breath she took was laboured and panicked and her eyes were starting to constrict like she was becoming drowsy.

"That person who collapsed outside," Deacon looked over at Rocker with a perplexed look. "Hicks got someone to take them to hospital, they didn't know what was wrong, but that girl threw up too. You need to take (Y/n) to hospital."

Deacon didn't want to panic them, but the blood was a clear sign that something was wrong and they couldn't wait around here. (Y/n) needed to be checked out sooner rather than later.

"Oh Christ." Hicks planted both hands on his lips and motioned to Luca at his side to get the crowds to dissipate. They didn't need people crowding round like this was a circus spectacle. "Hondo, you take charge here and be on standby. Deacon, go with them and get (Y/n) to the hospital."

It was clear someone was going to have to drive (Y/n) and Rocker to the hospital so Rocker could sit with her and try to look after her. And if that happened then Hondo was going to have to be the one on standby in case they had any calls. He could oversee things here and take some of Rocker's team if he had to go on a call.

"I'll come with you." Annie smiled softly and stood in front of them. Their kids were at school, she could sit with Rocker and (Y/n) and try to help if Deacon drove them to hospital. They might need some help and support.

"Come here, baby. Off we go." Rocker wrapped an arm around (Y/n)'s waist and moved his other hand to her arm. With little effort, he eased her up and let her lean into him while Annie stood on her other side and held her other arm for added support. They could all see that (Y/n) could barely stand up on her feet, let alone walk out of here.

A whimper left her bloodied lips and she leaned her head to the left, pressing her face into Rocker's chest as her feet fumbled to plant one in front of the other. She wasn't sure she had enough energy to keep walking, she just wanted to sit down and pass out.

Deacon rushed ahead of them down the corridor, swiping a set of keys and aiming for the squad car they matched up to. He opened the back door and waited patiently for Annie and Rocker to guide (Y/n) towards the car.

She was trembling. She looked like she was ready to keel over, with half lidded eyes, legs that were barely moving one in front of the other and each breath she took was wheezing and groggy.

"Okay, here we go."

Rocker climbed in first, carefully easing (Y/n) down with him and shuffling her into the middle seat.

Her head fell on his shoulder and her hands moved to scrunch up in his shirt as she coiled into him as much as she could. Once Annie was in the back with them, Deacon climbed in the front and the engine roared to life. They had to go.

Rocker had one arm around her waist and the other hand was pressed against her cheek like a cold compress. It was soothing with how hot her skin felt and his thumb was pressing into her cheekbone, stimulating her to focus on him and stay awake.

They started driving and Rocker was suddenly glad he wasn't on Hondo's team if Deacon was ever allowed to drive. He cut the corners, he was harsh when changing gear and he revved the engine something horrid, but at least he was fast and efficient.

Panic ignited in Rocker's chest when the tremors rattling through (Y/n) got worse until she was violently moving back and forth, unable to control it to the point even her eyes were jolting from side to side.

"You're gonna be alright, you just stay awake with me, okay?"

Rocker's voice was oddly stern, a tone (Y/n) wasn't familiar with him using around her and his words were sharp and cut like razors piercing into her mind. And if his words weren't enough to capture her full attention, she felt his hand move from her cheek to roughly grab her chin between his fingers and thumb. He tilted her head back until she was face to face with him, their noses skimming together and their breaths mingling to the point she was sure he could taste the blood on her lips.

His brows were raised high, his blue eyes were as deep as the sea and pierced her very soul but it was the way his jaw was set and his lips were locked in a straight line that got (Y/n)'s attention the most.

He wasn't having her pass out on him yet.

When Deacon finally pulled up outside the emergency room, (Y/n) flopped her head forward onto Rocker's shoulder. She could feel her mind turning to mush as she momentairely blacked out. But she could hear Rocker's voice in her ear, demanding she stay awake and look at him while he held her neck and tried to rouse her again.

"Let's get you out, honey." Annie ran her hand up and down (Y/n)'s arm and shuffled out of the car towards her husband who was waiting to see if he could help.

She reached her hands out for (Y/n) and helped her out, but her and Deacon quickly grabbed (Y/n) when her knees gave way and she was surging down towards the floor.

As soon as Rocker was out the car, he slid one arm beneath (Y/n)'s legs and the other around her back. He tilted her back and lifted her up effortlessly into his arms, holding her against his chest. She couldn't walk in there, but that was okay, he would gladly carry her inside and get her help.

Rocker could see (Y/n) was on the verge of passing out when he carried her into the hospital. He was glad Deacon and Annie were here to go and collar a doctor for him and within a minute, there were two nurses with a stretcher waiting for him to lay (Y/n) down.

He felt (Y/n)'s hands weakly grappling for him and as soon as his name passed her bloodied lips, Rocker reached out for her. He clamped both hands around one of hers and held it to his chest as he followed the stretcher into a cubicle with Deacon and Annie a step behind him.

"What happened?"

"I don't know, she was fine until an hour ago. She's burning up and she's been throwing up, blood too." Rocker wasn't stupid, he knew whatever was wrong with (Y/n) was due to something happening at that fundraiser today. She couldn't go from being perfectly healthy at home to then suddenly deteriorating this quickly for no reason at all.

Rocker stood near (Y/n)'s legs, her hand still tightly held in his fists so she knew he hadn't gone anywhere.

They watched in silence and concentration as the doctor checked (Y/n)'s temperature, listened to her heart and peaked inside her mouth before he tried to press his hands on her stomach. One touch sent (Y/n)'s knees coiling up to her stomach and a gut wrenching sob burned past her lips with a few speckles of blood.

"Has she eaten or drank anything?"

"Breakfast the same as me this morning. Some- some juice, no food this afternoon."

"I think she's ingested something-"

"Like what?" Rocker wanted answers and he didn't feel like he had the time to wait for them or let the doctor finish his sentence. He needed (Y/n) to be helped and looked after but he needed to know what was wrong with her.

She had been at his place of work. Swat was meant to be a safe place, somewhere the public would be safe when visiting and where they could feel at ease and listened to and enamoured. No one got hurt or ill when they went to Swat, that wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"I wouldn't want to speculate just yet. We need to get her stabilised and run some tests."

"Sorry, sorry but someone else has been brought in today, not long before us. They were suddenly ill at the same event and throwing up too, could this be related?"

Deacon didn't want to interrupt and he didn't want to start anything, but it seemed too suspicious that someone else at the fundraiser collapsed as well only minutes before (Y/n). They must have had the same drinks or touched the same object or been around something that had given them some sort of illness like this. It couldn't be a coincidence.

No one was sure what the doctor murmured to the nurse, but it was something substantial that had her scurrying out of the room. Presumably to find this other patient so they could confer and compare results.

A feeble cry mixed with a cough tore past (Y/n)'s lips causing blood to splutter across her lips and her knees coiled up near her stomach.

The moment (Y/n)'s weak, choking voice called out his name, something snapped inside Rocker. In that split second his heart stopped and the blood flooded his ears and clouded his vision.

He clasped (Y/n)'s hand tighter than he should have and brought it to his lips, kissing her flushed skin to let her know that he was still there, he hadn't left and he wasn't going to until the nurses physically removed him if they had to. He carded his fingers through her hair, smoothing it away from her face while a nurse busied herself with taking a blood sample.

"It's okay baby, you're gonna be just fine. I promise."

***

A horrid burning sensation flared up the back of (Y/n)'s throat, coupled with the aching fire in the pit of her stomach. It made her feel like she had swallowed fire and lived to tell the tale. The burning spread through to her mouth that was parched and dry and felt as horrid as her eyes when she tried to open them.

The room she found herself in was small and the sheets beneath her were scratchy like paper and hard as stone.

She didn't recognise where she was when her sore eyes finally focused on what was around her. But what she did recognise, was a head of soft wavy curls, ruffled to the max and stuck up at all angles like he had been electrocuted.

Rocker.

He was slumped in a chair that was pulled as close to the bed as he could get it. His knees were bent out at the sides, his upper body was slumped over and his head was burrowed into the mattress she was laying on with both his hands clasped around one of hers.

She couldn't find her voice to speak, her throat was torn to ribbons when she tried to make a sound so she settled for moving her free hand and stroke her fingers through his hair. It only took two seconds for Rocker to wake up on full alert, his job made him a light sleeper to the point even the lightest rain drizzling down on the window would wake him up in the dead of night.

The surprise was evident in his crystal eyes but it was the way his lips parted and ever so slightly curved at the sides that made (Y/n)'s stomach jump with relief and excitement.

"Baby, oh you're awake."

Rocker stood to unsteady feet and leaned over to capture (Y/n)'s chapped lips in a breath taking kiss. He stole all the air she had within her lungs and more, swiping his tongue over her lower lip while one hand moved to cradle her neck and chin. They pulled apart when both were gasping for breath but Rocker stayed as close as possible with their noses brushing and their lashes tangling together. He sat down on the side of the bed, allowing a small smile to creep onto his otherwise stern and exhausted features.

"What… w-where-"

"Shh, it's alright," He stole another kiss, a gentle, brief one this time where their lips barely touched, only grazed together making (Y/n) lean up for more. "You're in the hospital. You were sedated, you've been out for a few hours now."

It was (Y/n)'s turn to steal another touch of his lips, nibbling at his lower lip when he leaned closer.

Everything was foggy, her mind was locked away in a cage and she couldn't seem to find out how to open it. She remembered turning up at the fundraiser at Swat. She remembered seeing Rocker in the boxing ring and walking round chatting to a few people with him.

Flashes of voices swirled around in her head, bright lights blurring overhead. The feeling of Rocker's arms around her and his hand on her face, his deep eyes right in front of her but feeling so far away. A bumpy car ride that could have taken hours, she wasn't sure. Everything was mushed together, clips of a movie cut up and stitched back together in the wrong order.

"Someone… Jesus, someone tried to spike the drinks at the fundraiser. You and two other people got brought in with the same substance in their system. Oh baby I'm so sorry."

It had taken a few hours for (Y/n) to have bloods taken and confirmed, for the doctor to put her on an IV of concentrated painkillers and counteractives to concentrate the drugs and break them down in her system. And the IV had helped to flush out her system and stop the drugs from travelling throughout her system.

(Y/n) had reacted badly to them and they had started to attack the lining of her stomach which caused her to cough up the blood. She was going to be in the hospital for a few days, possibly a week.

For a few moments, (Y/n) closed her eyes and soaked in the feeling of Rocker's forehead pressing into hers, his hand on her neck and his breaths mixing in with hers. But it was his words, whispered against her lips, that had (Y/n) shivering against him.

"I'll get whoever did this. I swear."

[jassymay]

Is She Okay?

This is my first imagine for Donovan Rocker from Swat, thank you to Anon for sending this idea in I loved writing it and hope to do a follow up soon.

I'd love to know what you all think.

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Swat Masterlist

Part 2

Summary: While (Y/n) is on restricted duties at Swat, she starts to feel unwell, but doesn't want to bother the team, especially her husband. But they have to race back to help her when they realise something is very wrong with her.

Enjoy.

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(Y/n) dragged her fingers through her hair and closed her eyes for a few moments. She took a few deep breaths through her nose, exhaling through her mouth to see if it would do anything to ward off the headache building up behind her eyes like a storm.

The deep breaths seemed to work, until she opened her eyes again. Black spots danced before her eyes and a gasp caught in her throat when her sense of balance became distorted. She wobbled to the left, slumping against the doorframe that stopped her from going down to her knees on the floor.

She swiped the back of her hand against her temple and rolled her eyes from side to side until her vision came back into focus. While her other hand latched around the tablet she was holding and pinned it to her chest so she didn't drop it. The last thing she needed was to break any of the equipment here at work.

It took a few moments for her system to level out again and a tremble rattled through her body when she pushed off the wall and held herself up again.

Maybe these infrequent spells were signals that she needed a drink or something to eat, it was almost lunchtime after all.

Being on Swat meant that for the most part, (Y/n) was used to eating a balanced diet and the work outs meant she at least drank enough fluids throughout each day. But it also meant that sometimes meal times were skewed and forgotten if they had a big mission or if they had too many call outs during the day and not enough time to come back to headquarters and eat.

She was used to it. They all got used to the varied meal times after a while.

The baby was changing things now.

(Y/n) had done well so far not to be too weighed down by morning sickness, she was relatively untouched by that side effect. But for the last two days, dizzy spells had started to become a frequent friend and (Y/n) wondered if it was because she needed a bit of sugar or a drink to perk herself back up.

She dragged her hand down the back of her neck and dared to glance her eyes down, feeling a smile creep onto her face when she noticed her small bump.

"Don't do that again," She murmured quietly to herself, letting her hand wander down to her stomach for a brief moment before she tried to carry on walking.

Her head tilted to one side and she blearily stared down at the tablet in her hand, scrolling through the dreaded pages of information that was starting to blur before her eyes. Each word was jumbling up from the amount of files (Y/n) had been scrolling and reading through today, let alone the last few weeks.

She made a slow walk out of the computer room and advanced towards the gym. She wasn't too sure where she was going, just that she wanted to get away from all the screens that were making her feel worse. (Y/n) was used to being up and running about for over twelve hours a day, she needed to keep moving around headquarters rather than sitting doing nothing.

She scrolled through the pages, not really taking anymore of the information in, but she stopped when a familiar voice caught her attention.

"So it's true then?"

Her gaze darted up from the tablet and she paused near the boxing ring. A grin formed on her lips and she lifted her head when her eyes locked on Deacon walking her way. He had one brow raised and he moved his hand to point to her slightly rounded stomach.

They were on different teams, while Deacon was second in command on Hondo's team, (Y/n) was in Rocker's team. They didn't often get to work together, but that didn't mean they didn't have banter together and they were often found training and sparring in the gym in their spare time.

Deacon was someone who (Y/n) got along with and someone who never teased or chastised her for her relationship with Rocker. He never said a thing about her being on her husband's team. No one really made a big thing about it, but some people like to jest and it did get tiring, especially when people tried to say that Rocker might just give (Y/n) special treatment.

"Yep, you've lost your sparring partner." Her free hand moved to her hip as Deacon stood in front of her with a calming smile.

(Y/n) and Rocker didn't want to broadcast the news, but things spread quickly at Swat and it couldn't be kept under wraps. Not when (Y/n) had to tell the Commander immediately so she wouldn't be put in harm's way. Everyone on the team had to know why (Y/n) suddenly wasn't going out on missions with them and was reduced to staying back at headquarters.

And once their team knew, it was only a matter of time before the news spread around the rest of the teams and the officers here. Word seemed to have gone full circle and got to Hondo's team now.

"You getting used to life behind the desk?"

Restricted duties had never felt so boring.

(Y/n) had the baby to thank for that. No more missions. No more walking- or sometimes running- into dangerous situations. She could accompany officers on house calls and work with the police on any cases they were helping with, but even then she couldn't go to big scenes in case anything happened. (Y/n) was a helping pair of hands and that meant she was almost always staying here in the computer room.

She handled sensitive information, found criminal files, floor plans and maps, building plans. She contacted the judges for warrants and made all the boring phone calls so the rest of her team could go straight out on their missions.

"Not really, it's so boring."

A jolt ran through her system and she almost dropped the tablet in her hand when a strong arm suddenly bound around her waist.

She let her head flop back against Rocker's shoulder when she felt his hard chest press up into her back and a soft kiss pressed into the top of her hair. She couldn't help the way her lips curved up into a grin when she realised Rocker had his hand splayed out on her stomach and his thumb began to trace up and down over her shirt.

"I think the word you're looking for is safe." He corrected, speaking into her hair as he kissed her head again and his eyes creased into a smile when he looked over at Deacon.

They were always professional when they were on shift, they had to be. Rocker was in charge of the team and he couldn't be seen to be going easy or paying favourable attention to his wife. If that happened (Y/n) would be moved off his team and no one would trust him to be in charge if he couldn't remain neutral and fair.

But now that (Y/n) was behind a desk rather than out in the field, they could afford to be a bit more open with affection. A hug here and a peck there wasn't going to be seen as Rocker favouritising (Y/n). He could hardly do that when she wasn't allowed on any mission, she couldn't take the lead in a raid and she wasn't out there with the rest of them.

They didn't have to be strictly professional when they were here at base, no one batted an eyelid if Rocker wrapped himself around his wife and gave her a kiss.

(Y/n) hummed and nodded. Safe was the right word, but boring fit just as adequately.

"So, you're a person down."

"I had to draft in Jones to make up the numbers." Rocker glanced behind him but he couldn't see where Jones had wandered off to.

Rocker couldn't go into situations a person down, he had to have enough people so everyone had back up when they went into unknown, risky situations. He had been given freedom to pick anyone he wanted to join the team for a short while.

It had been made perfectly clear to Jones that this wasn't permanent, he wasn't going to be on Rocker's team for more than a year at most. The moment (Y/n) was ready to come back off maternity leave, Jones would be reduced back to one of the lesser teams they had for bank staff and in case of emergencies. (Y/n)'s spot was always going to be there for her.

Before her and Chris, they didn't have women in Swat so there was never a part in the contract about maternity leave. But they drafted in the same terms and conditions for a regular police officer. And (Y/n)'s spot would have to remain open for her after her leave because if not, then they would be discriminating against her.

"He's got nothing on sweetheart though, and her pretty face."

(Y/n) snapped her head to the right and looked over at Adam who was stood near the punching bag.

He was a joker, but he was only jesting, he meant no harm. Everyone on their team had started to call (Y/n) sweetheart after they heard Rocker let it slip one day at work. They were all so used to seeing Rocker be distant and controlled and a bit stern at times, so to see him be soft around (Y/n), especially at work, was a rarity.

"Glad to know you miss me." (Y/n) murmured back while she let her upper chest lean back into Rocker a bit more. And it caused his arm to tighten around her waist

"Least we still get to hear your melodic voice through the comms, right?" It wasn't as if (Y/n) was on leave yet, for the next few months they would just have to wait to see her here at base and hear her giving them directions and information through the radio.

"Careful." Rocker didn't look very impressed. They were still at work and this was (Y/n) Adam was joking to and about.

The smile on Adam's face dampened and he huffed, giving (Y/n) a brief look of contempt before he went back to beating the punch bag. He had been told, and he wasn't about to push the boundaries and get on Rocker's bad side.

When Deacon murmured "I'll catch you in a bit," and patted (Y/n)'s shoulder, she nodded and watched him head past them towards the kitchen.

(Y/n) found her mind drifting off again but static started to build up in her ears when her head started to fog up and she felt like all the blood was draining down to her toes. Maybe she needed to go and get a drink to see if that would make her feel any better. She had felt better when she was on eighteen hour shifts without a chance to sit down, than how she felt right now.

"Okay sweetheart, I-" Rocker started when he finally found the will to move his hand from her stomach that was always capturing his attention just lately.

But he paused when he tried to take a step back and when his arm retracted from (Y/n)'s waist, she stumbled back towards him. Both his hands reached out and he grabbed her hips, stepping forward again to steady her before she lost her balance and fell flat on the floor.

His brows furrowed and he leaned his head down to look at her in confusion. She hadn't been leaning that heavily on him, he thought she would have found her balance if he moved.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…" She took a second to find her footing and make sure she was properly on her feet again before she twisted her head to look up at him. "Just wasn't expecting my leaning post to move."

It seemed a safer bet than admitting to Rocker that she had gone a bit dizzy and lost her balance when he moved. If she told him then he would worry and there was no sense in that. Not when (Y/n) wasn't going out on any missions, she wouldn't be putting the team at risk. She was staying here, doing the boring tasks no one else wanted to do.

Her breath got caught in her lungs when Rocker cupped her chin and tilted her head back so their gazes interlocked. The way he arched a brow and his lips set into a straight line had her stomach fluttering with adrenaline and made her feel even more lightheaded than before.

He seemed to study her for a moment, making sure she was actually alright and there was nothing wrong that he should be worrying about.

"Hm. Well I've got a meeting with the Commander, then I'll see you for the briefing after lunch, okay?"

"Off you go, boss."

She stayed put as he pressed a quick but searing kiss to her lips and her eyes followed him as he headed off towards the corridor. Shoulders broad and confident and towering over everyone he passed.

A briefing, then more and more paperwork until all (Y/n) would be able to see were letters and numbers dancing before her eyes.

She would be fine, she would just be bored.

***

(Y/n) could feel another headache forming and she dragged her hand across her face, wiping off the beads of sweat starting to glisten on her skin.

She wanted to go home. She hadn't been on shift for that long and already she was feeling like she would be more use sitting at home than hanging around here. She could barely read the files she was so dizzy, it was taking twice as long when (Y/n) had to reread each line to make sure she was reading it correctly.

It didn't help matters that Rocker and the team were already out on a call, so it wasn't as if (Y/n) could go and take a break.

When the team was out, (Y/n) was their eyes and ears. She read the maps, she scoured through the files and she checked the building plans and gave them directions. She had to be here in the control room and she had to be ready at the computer in case the team needed any specifics.

Hearing Rocker's voice come through the radio was calming and it made (Y/n) feel a bit better. She felt useful when Rocker was asking her questions and involving her, and all (Y/n) wanted was to still be part of the team and do her job the best she could.

Leaning forward, (Y/n) pressed her right hand down on the table that had three different computers open with different files and building layouts displayed before her blurring eyes. She leaned her weight on her hand and bowed her head forward as she closed her eyes.

Her other hand moved from wiping her brow to cradling her stomach that was churning with adrenaline and the need to be sick.

She tried to brush her thumb up and down across her small bump in the way that Rocker had become accustomed to doing, hoping it might do something to calm her down and make her feel better.

(Y/n) quickly moved her hand from her stomach to her mouth and held her breath deep in her lungs, willing herself not to be sick. Not here, not when she was at work. When the mission was over, she could rip out the ear piece and go hide in the toilets until her team came back.

She took a few calming breaths when the sickness subsided and tried to stand up straight again, but she realised she was starting to shake. Why did she have to become dizzy now? Why couldn't this have waited until tomorrow when she had a day off? Or tonight when she and Rocker went home? Why when she was in the middle of a call?

"(Y/n)?"

"Hm?" She tried to tune back into the conversation and listen to Rocker and the team rattling through the speaker clipped around her ear.

"The building, when did construction start?" The slight hesitation in Rocker's voice silently told (Y/n) that he had already asked that question and she must have tuned him out while she tried to quench her sickness.

Her trembling hands moved to the counter and she leaned forward, squinting hard to look at the different computer screens to find the right one.

Why were they all so bright? Why were they a mix of hazy blue, brilliant white and tiny black letters that were almost indecisive? Why was it so hard to focus on what she was trying to read when only a few days ago she hadn't been having these problems or headaches of this magnitude?

"Two weeks ago." She knew her voice sounded feeble but she tried to take deep breaths and control each word. She didn't want Rocker worrying because worry caused distractions and they couldn't afford to be distracted, not in their line of work.

Twisting to look at the screen on her left, (Y/n) followed the little red dot that was bleeping every second and steadily moving forwards. It was the tracker on the jeep the team were in. She was keeping track of them, guiding them towards the building because she had a layout of the city and the traffic updates.

If there were any accidents or collisions or road works, (Y/n) would see them before the team and she could divert them a different way.

Her blinking eyes pushed away tears as she used her trembling finger to follow the little blinking dot and try to figure out how close they were to the building they were going to burst into.

"Turn left, Joe."

She arched her back out again and looked to a different screen once she heard him mutter a quiet but confident 'okay'. While Hondo had Luca as their dedicated driver, Rocker's team had Joe and he had a need for speed. He was their go to driver.

"Damn it- Rock, that's a one way street, I can't go that way." Confusion plastered across Joe's face and he slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.

Why had (Y/n) directed him the wrong way down a one way street?

He turned in his seat to lean out the window, hand clinging to the open windowsill as he revved the engine and put it into reverse. He sped down the street, hearing the tyres screech against the gravel as he spun to the left and got them back on the road they had previously been driving on.

They couldn't be doing that. (Y/n) couldn't be directing them down the wrong roads it would only cause delays and if he went the wrong way down that road he could cause a crash and get them all into trouble that they didn't need.

"Brooke street?" There was hesitation in (Y/n)'s voice which took the whole team by surprise and they shared odd looks with one another.

"What, no that's across town, what map are you reading, Rock?"

"Alright, give it a rest. Carry on ahead and take the next right, we're still on track." Rocker leaned forward and swatted his hand down on Joe's shoulder, a silent warning for him to let this go.

There was no need for him to get snappy with (Y/n), she had made a minor mistake and it wasn't going to derail the plan or cause any backfire. They were still on time and on the right road, they could take a different diversion. Rocker didn't want any of the team snapping and arguing with each other, much less arguing with (Y/n) when she wasn't even here and she was doing her best.

She was doing the job no one else wanted to do back at headquarters, they didn't have to give her a hard time about it.

"Do you have the building layout to send me?" Rocker looked down at the tablet in his hand and waited patiently for (Y/n) to send the document over.

He needed a visual of the inside of the building so they weren't going to get stumped or confused when they barged in. And they needed to know the emergency exits in case anyone inside tried to make a quick escape or in case any of them got delayed and had to find a different way out.

When an email popped up, Rocker opened it and started scanning through, but his head ticked to one side and his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Boss?" Adam leaned over to try and look at the tablet but he pulled back when Rocker sat up straight with a perplexed look.

"No, (Y/n) I need the layout-" He paused mid-sentence when he heard her murmur 'no' and something else that none of them could quite make out in the background.

What was she doing?

"Rock, you good?"

Each of them began to feel anxious when they didn't get a reply. This wasn't like (Y/n). She was usually on form with everything. And while she had been confined to headquarters, she had done them all proud and made it her mission to do the best she could. She was usually on hand with sending over information and she redirected them faster than Joe could comprehend or try to catch up.

She made jokes and she kept them talking and fed them information like she was a record that couldn't stop. She was great at her job, but she seemed off kilter today. Something wasn't right and it was putting them all on edge.

Rocker heard Joe mumble "Is she okay?" and he was glad he detected worry in his voice and not sarcasm.

"(Y/n) what's the matter?" A dark tone flooded Rocker's voice as a gritty edge cut along his words.

He knew his wife and he could tell there was something strange in her voice, it was like she wasn't giving them her full attention. Like something was going on back at the base that none of them knew about.

He rolled his lips together and moved his hand to cover his ear to try and listen better to the distant sounds coming through the comms. He could hear (Y/n) tapping something and after a second or two, he was sure she muttered 'it's broken'.

Had a piece of equipment broke? Had one of the computers crashed and that was what was causing the slight disruption and (Y/n)'s lack of focus?

When a quiet but nevertheless audible "Good," came through the speaker, Rocker let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding in. Maybe she had fixed something.

"How many people are inside?"

"F-five… six…?" Her reply sounded more like a question and the broken fragments of answers made Rocker grit his teeth. What was wrong with his wife today?

"Which is it?"

Rocker's eyes snapped up to look at Josh and his look was one that could have killed. Something wasn't right and he didn't need the team getting impatient and rude with (Y/n).

"(Y/n)?" He couldn't help the edge of worry that slipped into his voice and he knew all the team could sense it. They could sense how he was holding himself with a bit more unease and a lot more tension and it was lowering his patience.

The words 'are you okay' were on the tip of Rocker's tongue and he was about to break and let the concerned side of him show until (Y/n)'s voice came through the speaker again.

"Six."

There was a bit more determination in her voice and six sounded about right for the suspects they had been informed about and were here to arrest. They didn't need anymore information yet and Rocker could see they were almost at the building now.

"Everybody out. Stay sharp, no heroics."

He had to push the worry to the back of his mind, but even as he climbed out the truck and headed to the front of the group, he could see (Y/n)'s image flashing before his eyes.

Was she okay?

***

The call out couldn't have ended a moment sooner. When the team were gathered back around the truck, Rocker took off his helmet and tilted his head back as his eyes fell closed.

He took a moment to catch his breath back and gather his wits and senses before he turned his attention to the ear piece wedged in his ear. He hadn't heard (Y/n) speak for a while, although that would be because the team had infiltrated the building and were giving their locations to each other. (Y/n) would only pipe up if something was wrong or she was going to give them some valuable information.

"(Y/n), let Hicks know we've handed the suspects over, and then I think you need to let someone else take over the comms."

Rocker did his best to control his tone and make sure (Y/n) knew he wasn't trying to reprimand her for anything and he wasn't angry. He was worried. Whatever happened during that mission wasn't normal, (Y/n) didn't sound well and Rocker needed her to go and take a break and let someone else guide them over the comms system for their next call out.

He waved at the team and pointed to the truck, a silent command for them to get inside so they could all head back to base.

"Hurts…"

"What?" A panic-stricken expression fell over Rocker's face as he bristled and stopped in his tracks.

Everyone heard it.

All of them heard (Y/n)'s frail, croaky voice through the comms and each of them frowned at one another and paused, straining their ears to listen for any sound or other words in the background.

"(Y/n)? Sweetheart talk to me."

No one commented about the nickname, they were too panicked to make light and joke of the word. Besides, that would have been normal over the comms anyway, there was no chance of being classed unprofessional over the line with a few nicknames or caring words here and there.

A jolt ran through them all when Rocker slammed his hand down on the side of the truck and clambered inside with Josh following after him.

"Get us back to base now." The words hissed past Rocker's lips while his back straightened and pressed up against the wall and his hands began to tap and clench over his thighs.

(Y/n) wasn't responding. She wasn't answering any of them, she had been acting funny and not seeming herself over the radio for a while now and she had just told them something hurt. She wasn't well and Rocker needed to get back to base as soon as possible and find out what was going on with his wife.

The ride back was as chaotic as it was uncomfortable. None of them spoke other than to whisper (Y/n)'s name through the comms and wait in vain to see if she responded. They all clung to the hand rails above their heads and felt like sardines being squashed about with the sharp cutting corners Joe was taking and the speed he drove to get them back. All with the lights blazing so other drivers on the road knew to get out his way.

They were in a hurry.

Before the truck was even in park, Rocker was throwing the back doors open and climbing down. His feet barely touched the floor as he bolted to the side door, swiping his keycard across to get himself inside as fast as humanly possible.

He unclipped his bullet proof vest and hooked it over his head, tossing it down on one of the work benches he past. He wasn't sure where he was heading. Would (Y/n) still be in the computer room? Would she have tried to go to the toilets if she felt ill? Maybe she had gone to the kitchen for something or to be out the way of others? Would she be in the locker room?

He had no idea, but his first instinct was to check the computer room because that was where she had to of been when they were on their mission. She had been feeding them information, granted, she had been confused, but she would of been in that room with the monitors and the GPS tracking system and the big screen.

His boots thundered against the floor as he skidded round a corner, almost crashing into Hondo on his way past. He waved a hand at the other team leader, barely sparing a glance his way as he rushed ahead and burst into the computer room.

His rabid eyes roamed around the room but his heart jumped up into his throat when he set his sights on his wife.

He could barely see her. (Y/n) was on her knees in front of the desk in the centre of the room. Her arms were hidden against her chest and her upper body was curled over her knees with her forehead tucked down against the floor. She looked like she was in some kind of safe position as if she were on an aeroplane about to crash land.

Rocker bolted forward and crashed down to his knees beside her. He didn't quite know what to do or where to try and touch her, he wasn't even sure if she was conscious or not.

"Rocker, everything alright in here?"

"Boss, is she okay?"

Hondo and the rest of Rocker's team crowded in the doorway, no one brave enough to step over the threshold and crowd the couple, but everyone desperate to see inside and find out what was going on.

"Someone get me a first aid kit."

When Rocker heard footsteps disappearing which meant someone had heeded his orders, he shuffled a bit closer to (Y/n). He did his best to wiggle an arm between her knees and her chest and with his other hand braced on the back of her neck, he carefully reeled her back up so they were level. He leaned forward to get within (Y/n)'s line of sight and he could of cried when he saw her eyes flutter and squint to try and focus on him.

"Sweetheart, talk to me. What's the matter, hm?" He brushed his thumb across her chin and tilted her head back when she tried to flop her head forward.

He could feel his jaw grinding down hard when he moved his hand to press against her forehead.

She was burning up. Sweat was trickling down her skin and coating her arms and Rocker realised she was subtly trembling. It didn't help that he couldn't be certain whether she had passed out and just come round again or if she had stayed conscious all this time.

"Felt dizzy, a-and drained." (Y/n) couldn't help but whimper when Rocker's hand left her temple and she found herself leaning forward, chasing his touch. She tried to flop forward into him but her breath caught in her lungs when his hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head back up to look at him.

"Since when?" The look in his eyes told her not to bother lying to him as he moved his thumb beneath her eye to see if her pupils were constricted or not.

"Two… maybe three days."

(Y/n) didn't like the way he shook his head at her or how his upper lip curled. She didn't have to say anything more for him to understand. She hadn't wanted to tell him or the team because she wanted to do her job, she wanted to be useful. She wanted to do whatever she could for the team and not be thought of as a burden or some kind of ornament. (Y/n) was very limited in what she could do, whatever was left for her to work on she wanted to do it efficiently.

And being a member of Swat meant they pushed through meager headaches and light dizzy spells that came and went. It meant being better than the average person, doing ten times more work and in harder conditions.

(Y/n) could hardly complain that she felt under the weather when she was barely doing anything at all.

"Here." Joe knelt down at Rocker's side and opened the first aid kit for him and he took a moment to take in (Y/n)'s condition and see how bad she was. Now he felt bad for being snappy over the comms earlier. Something was very wrong with her. She wasn't well and none of them had noticed soon enough.

Rocker kept his left arm around (Y/n)'s front and let her lean her left shoulder and cheek against his chest. He didn't mind propping her up, it was better than having her keel over on the floor again.

He grabbed the thermometer from the box and gently pressed it into her ear, but when it beeped, he could barely find the ability to keep breathing properly.

"Thirty-nine point five, she's burning up." That wasn't good. She had a fever and she was barely lucid. This meant a hospital visit.

When a quiet murmur left (Y/n)'s lips, Rocker leaned his head to the left and glanced down at her with an arched brow. "What, sweetheart?"

His nose crinkled and he huffed, both shoulders deflating when (Y/n) suddenly lurched over his arm and threw up. Both her hands reached up to cling to his bicep that was strapped across the front of her chest and she felt his other hand rubbing up and down her back as she coughed and threw up what little dinner she had managed to eat earlier today.

"Okay, we're going to the emergency room now. Let's get you up, sweetheart." Rocker didn't have a choice. If they didn't get her fever under control and find out why she was sick she was only going to get worse and he couldn't take that risk. Not when he knew a fever and an underlining cause could easily cause complications with the baby.

He kept his left arm around her chest and his right arm swooped down her waist to hold her hip. He pushed up from his knees and carefully reeled (Y/n) up with him and he nodded at Joe who leaned forward and took her elbow to try and help get her onto shaking legs.

Each of them could see that (Y/n) didn't hold the strength to keep herself upright and her head flopped onto Rocker's shoulder as she leaned more and more into his chest until her knees were almost caving in.

"I don't think she's walking out of here." Hondo spared a worried glance towards the couple before he flagged down Deacon. They had to go and tell Hicks what had happened and since Adam had the rank of thirty-David, he would be next in command until Rocker got back. Whenever that may be.

Rocker absentmindedly nodded and mumbled a soft "Up we go," as he unravelled his left arm from (Y/n)'s chest and swooped it beneath her legs instead.

He wasn't going to get far unless Joe helped him drag (Y/n) out of here and that wouldn't be fair nor dignified. The only option he had was to carry her out to the car and take her to the hospital.

It proved to Rocker that his wife really was in a bad way because if she were more herself, she would of protested him picking her up and carrying her anywhere in front of the rest of Swat. But she didn't make one grumble or remark. All she did was smother her burning temple against his shoulder and loop her arms sluggishly around his neck.

He had a feeling she would pass out before he got her to hospital.

Rocker ignored the eyes burning into him, the frantic stares being cast their way and the fact that every member of Swat stopped what they were doing to watch him carry his wife out of here. He had to get her to the emergency room and make sure she and the baby were okay.

"You just stay awake with me, sweetheart." He muttered softly against her temple as he twisted to the side and used his shoulder to push open the door leading to the car park. "You're gonna be fine."

[jassymay]

guess who’s back… lou

[jassymay]

LOU FERRIGNO JR as DONOVAN ROCKER S.W.A.T. 6x14 - GUT PUNCH

[jassymay]

911 + text posts (32/?)

[jassymay]

real talk. what does he look like his name would be.

you can’t say any variation of louis, lou, tommy or thomas. i’m looking for real answers 😤

[jassymay]

a few days ago i promised to post a bunch of bts photos of lou on swat so here it is

[jassymay]

Resisting Roots 🔥😎🔥

is that seat taken or

[jassymay]

8x06 fix-it fic: Amnion

Buck doesn't bounce back from Tommy the way he did with all his other breakups for reasons he can't articulate or even look at. He thinks of how long it took him to recover from Abby, but even that felt different, because he'd had hope carrying him through most of it. He doesn't have that now.

The worst part is it's bringing everyone else down. It's starting to affect the job, and he can't take any more of Bobby's pity dinner invites or the kid gloves Eddie handles him with. Then one day, Chimney (in an attempt to lighten the mood) asks Buck if he's pregnant, and it awakens some primordial rage in Buck that he never knew he possessed and damn near rips off Chimney's head about it.

But once the blood levels in his adrenaline start rising and he calms down, he starts thinking about it. Before he knows it he's thinking about it day and night, and now that's starting to affect the job more than his heartbreak had been.

Then one night Maddie invites him over to watch trash TV and eat junk food until they can't feel feelings anymore, but instead of the patented Maddie Hug he's expecting, she hands him a First Response test stick the second he walks in the door.

Five minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom pale-faced and dripping tears because there are two lines in the test result window, and Maddie leads him over to the couch where they curl up and cry together. Just like the old days.

Maddie asks if he's going to tell Tommy, but there's no judgment in her voice, like she's behind him no matter what he decides, and Buck tries to make her laugh when he says, "How do you know it's his? I could've been living it up for the last month. New person almost every night. Exploring myself."

She just gives him a Look. Also patented.

Under the weight of her scrutiny, Buck thinks about Tommy's face before he left the loft that night and how ''Buck'' looked and sounded so wrong coming from him. Like the shape of it was so painful he could barely move his mouth around it.

Finally, he shakes his head. His eyes well up with more tears, which feels impossible, because the human body can't possibly produce this much liquid. He's going to drown them both. "I thought... I thought we had a future, Maddie. I really did. I guess I still get one... but only with part of him."

A couple of months pass and Buck's entire world shifts. The 118 have rallied around him in a way that almost feels like they're closing ranks to every other firehouse. Eddie becomes especially protective and devises a 5000-point care plan that makes him twitch if Buck so much as thinks about deviating from it, but he also keeps telling Buck that he needs to tell Tommy about the pregnancy.

"If only to get his family history," Eddie says reasonably, but there's something pleading in his voice every time, like there's so much more under the surface that he's trying to keep under wraps. Like there's more about this that he thinks Tommy should know.

Chimney's in the middle of explaining why he's stealing the cool uncle crown from Buck and sitting pretty on the throne when Buck asks him about it.

"Is there something about Tommy that no one's telling me?"

It trips Chimney up. Literally. He just barely catches himself from going headfirst into the kitchen counter.

Buck's heart starts pounding. "Chim, does he know?"

"No," Chimney says, firm and almost a little offended. "We promised you we wouldn't say anything. But Buck... you should tell him. You should talk to him."

Part of him wants to whip his phone out right then and there and dial Tommy's number. He could do what he did the first time: ask to meet somewhere and laugh about bad coffee and plead his case for a second chance. He could reach across the table for his hand, but this time, he'd stand up and walk over to Tommy and place it on his belly. "I don't care about firsts or lasts," he'd say. "I care about only's. And you're the only one I want."

But the other part of him, still licking its wounds, hormones in flux and forcing organs to shift and bend as it makes room for the thing he and Tommy made together, bares its teeth and snaps, "He made it very clear that he had no interest in hearing what I had to say."

Chimney never brings it up again.

Meanwhile, Hen goes a little overboard with forcing him to undergo random physicals—she pops out of the shadows twice a day to ambush him with the blood pressure machine, and he keeps threatening to avoid rooms that have doors—but he loves it. His body is a complete stranger to him for the first time in a long time, but the changes he's experiencing are interesting and he's having a blast cataloging every new one. He and Hen have a spreadsheet with like fifty tabs, and she helps him navigate every test his actual OBGYN sets him up for.

He's over her house at least once a week, although pregnancy talk at the dinner table is verboten.

"If one of you says the word 'amniocentesis' one more time, I will start a food fight," Karen had said, finally putting her foot down. Across the table, Denny perked up.

As much as he hesitates to even think the Q-word, it's a pretty quiet pregnancy. The cravings are kind of wild, though, and he goes most of his first trimester feeling like he's going to die if he can't eat rice krispie treats with cottage cheese. Every time Bobby sees him cracking open another container of Hood, it looks like he's seriously reconsidering sobriety.

But as incredible as they are about the pregnancy, they're all tiptoeing around the other elephant in the room: when Buck is going to stop working scenes. He and Bobby have a series of discussions that satisfies neither of them and resolves nothing, and it builds to a big blow-out that ends when Bobby tearfully begs Buck to stop risking his own life and the life of Bobby's grandkid.

After that, it's like some stone thing in him dissolves into sand and he finally eases back a bit in his fifth month. He doesn't put up a fight when Bobby orders him to only handle the winch or stick with hose duty, and if he stays a little closer to the engine because he gets winded so easily these days, no one comments on it.

In his sixth month, the inevitable happens: there's a call out at Palos Verdes and it's all hands on deck, which means the 217 is there too. At first he thinks he might make it through without running into Tommy at all, but he turns a corner and—there he is. Smudged with mud and looking like a drowned rat because of the downpours, but in his turnouts he's big and capable and, for a second, he's walking into First Presbyterian and apologizing for missing the ceremony.

But the memory is easily wrestled back into the past the second Tommy's gaze fixes on Buck's belly.

Buck wants to stage a retreat that would make the Allies at Dunkirk stand up and applaud. He wants to throw his arms open so Tommy can get a better look at it, say something cool and mean, like, "Did you know that INNOTEX makes turnouts for carriers these days? Pretty progressive of them, if you ask me."

He wants to be weak and ask if Tommy will spare him a hug. Just one. Nothing greedy. Just—a moment to soak in his warmth, to inhale the smell of his skin. Enough to carry him through the rest of it.

But he does none of that. He inhales through his nose, lifts his chin, and says, "Firefighter Kinard."

At that, Tommy smiles, and it's completely awful. There's no joy in it. Not even amusement. He looks like he wants to be sick, and Buck feels like a monster.

But Tommy swallows and says, earnest as anything, "Congratulations. I-I knew you'd find it. I never doubted for a second that you'd find the person who'd be your last."

Even as he says it, Tommy's face does something indescribable, but it rips through Buck's chest and shatters his ribs, tearing through pericardial layers until it scores the vulnerable muscle of his heart. It's so shocking that it almost knocks the truth right out of Buck's mouth.

Someone comes over the radio and requests all available first responders with flight experience to report to the B-zone, and Tommy straightens up and locks whatever it was away.

With an unsteady hand, he tips an invisible hat to Buck and says wryly, "Firefighter Buckley," before jogging away.

And Buck stands there like an idiot watching him go. It's that night all over again. It's Buck instead of Evan.

"See you around," he whispers, and then runs back to his post in the A-zone.

+

Tommy gets the call when he's halfway through a burrito foisted upon him by Dana, who had taken one look at him and said, "You look like a flood victim. Eat something before I get HR involved."

He'd taken a mutinous bite and couldn't argue with her. Months later and it still felt like he'd watched everything he loved wash away with a tide he couldn't fight. Except he'd sent the tide himself. He had no business feeling like this.

But they send him to the site of a car accident where a pregnant driver had been T-boned by some asshole who ran the red light, and the RA unit called to the scene didn't have the right equipment to assess the fetus. But the victim's belly was hard enough to warrant a med evac.

By the time Dana gets the victim loaded on the backboard and inside, Tommy's already on with both First Presbyterian and LA General to see whose neonatal surgery team is available.

The door on Tommy's side slides open and Tommy turns in his seat to ask what the hell Dana's doing over there, but it's Hen who's pulling herself inside.

His stomach clenches with dread. "Hen?"

"I'm riding with you," she shouts, taking the headset that Dana gives her.

He looks just beyond her and wishes he'd had the presence of mind to listen to the manifest when Dana had read it aloud to him, because Evan Buckley is strapped to the gurney and looks like he's on a completely different planet.

"Hen." Tommy can't hear him say her name, but he sees Evan's mouth shape the word. Evan reaches clumsily out for her with one hand while pressing the other to his belly.

Hen murmurs something to him that the comms can't pick up, and Tommy wonders if they've notified Maddie, if they've notified the father, whoever they are. If they're already at the hospital waiting for them. If Tommy will have to see them, talk to them face to face.

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek until he feels the hot wash of blood over his tongue, then forces everything down to join the burrito from earlier that really wants to make a reappearance. It isn't his right to know any of it. That went out with the tide, too.

He locks it down tight enough that he gets them into the air so easily they might be a feather on the wind, then he heads in the direction of First Presbyterian. The real start of it all.

They're maybe halfway across the city when Evan shouts, desperation and fear carrying his voice over the rotors, the words sliding together, "Hen, check Nora! Y-Y'need to ch—"

"Nora's fine, Buck," Hen says, her voice clear as a bell in Tommy's ear.

Staring at a skyline he can't see, Tommy says, "'Nora'? Was someone else in the car with him?"

When Hen comes over the comm, her voice is as inescapable as a flood. "Nora's what he decided on for the baby. It's her name."

Tommy's hand tightens on the cyclic so the way it starts shaking won't be so obvious. "Nora was my grandmother's name."

He'd told Buck about the woman who was basically the only family he could stand, who was responsible for not letting him become his piece of shit father, who accepted him when no one else would. She'd meant the world to him. She'd been the world to him. And for Evan to give his kid her name—

Realization hits like a levy breaking, and he turns to look wide-eyed over his shoulder at Hen, because it can't—he couldn't be—

"Patient, male, 33, prenatal course complicated at 8 months gestation," Dispatch had said.

The timeline is right.

Hen stares right back, as good of a confirmation that he could get outside of a DNA test.

Without breaking her gaze, Tommy tells Dana to take over. She gives him an unreadable look but says nothing except, "Copy that," and smoothly resumes their journey while he squeezes into the back. There's hardly any room next to the gurney and his knees are compressing his lungs, but he takes Evan's' hand and stares blankly at the shiner forming around his right away until Hen breaks the silence.

Why didn't you tell me, he wants to demand, but he knows that if he so much as opens his mouth, he's going to start screaming until someone sedates him.

"For the record," she says, "I hate what you did. I hate what you took from him. But I understand why you did it."

Tommy rolls his lips inward and wants to suffocate himself to death. She understands? Does she? Does she know a life can be obliterated in the span of a minute? Does she know what it is to live a half life, to walk through the world like a five-year old drew a scribble on a blank sheet of paper that was supposed to be a person?

Does she know what Evan looks like when his joy is sucked away? Because Tommy does. She hates what he did? No one hates what he did more than him. No one hates him more than him.

Shakily, he lifts his other hand and touches the tips of his fingers to Evan's birthmark, which used to know the touch of his lips so well that Evan would joke that it was actually in the shape of Tommy's mouth print. Like a brand.

He forces himself to inhale. It seems impossible that Evan's here, carrying their child, their Nora. Evan used to say the lightning strike gave him super powers, made him invincible, and Tommy's ashamed to admit that he almost believed him. It seemed like nothing could ever bring Evan Buckley down, but here he is in Tommy's sky, halfway to Heaven already.

He glances at the LifePAK—where Evan's life has been concentrated into a series of lines and numbers, the reading strong despite everything—and then looks back at Evan, who is still the most beautiful man Tommy has ever seen even now.

"Evan," he chokes out.

There's no answer. At least not from Evan.

Across from him, Hen breathes through her nose and then quietly says, "I'm only going to say this once, Tommy, so I hope you're listening. If you can't trust him to know what his own heart wants, then this flight will never have happened. When he wakes up, you will not have been here. I'll change the manifest myself."

Tommy closes his eyes. Something hot spills down his cheeks.

"I know things haven't been all sunshine and roses for you. Lucy's said you've basically shut down since it ended. I know you're hurting just as much as Buck is... which is why I'm telling you: be sure. He's going to have enough on his plate without worrying about whether or not you're going to swan out of his life again. You need to be sure, Tommy."

Tommy doesn't say anything, but he opens his eyes and holds her gaze without flinching, and he tightens his hold on Evan's hand.

The rest of the flight passes in the kind of silence that feels like a cyst was lanced. Or maybe a boil, as it were.

+

Buck wakes up in stages to find he's in a hospital bed, and when he puts a hand on his belly it's smaller and almost deflated beneath his palm. He is just starting to hyperventilate when suddenly Tommy's there, murmuring to him, "You're okay. Everything's okay, I promise, she's fine. She's fine. Look."

And Buck, heart racing, forces himself to breathe slowly while he follows Tommy's gaze down to the bundle in Tommy's arms. Then he stops breathing altogether.

"She's fine," Tommy says. "A little early, according to the doctor, but absolutely fine."

Buck collapses back to the bed and weeps in relief, because she's fine. She's here and she's fine and she's perfect. Tommy gently places her in Buck's arms before retreating to the chair next to the bed which has a dent in the vinyl in the shape of his ass.

But Buck is enraptured with Nora, who smacks her lips in her sleep, and he marvels aloud, "She has my mouth."

"Thank God for that," Tommy says with a laugh. "It'll help take the focus off my nose. Poor kid."

It hits Buck like lightning that Tommy is here. He's in this room and talking about Nora like—like he knows. And there are things Buck should probably be saying, like apologizing for not telling Tommy about her as soon as he found out, or asking why he's there at all, but the words are crowding in his mouth and he can't figure out which ones should go first.

Tommy's lips twitch in a smile that is awful to look at, like he completely understand Buck's struggle, but his voice is soft and even when he says, "I need you to know that it wasn't about you. Not you personally. It never was."

Buck stops trying to speak and just stares at him, because that is bullshit, and oh, he knows which words should come first, and he opens his mouth to release them into the wild but Tommy holds up a hand.

"I know," he says. "I was a coward and an asshole, and I'm more sorry than I can possibly say. I won't ever be able to make up for what I did. But I need you to know why I did it."

And, in fits and starts before he finally finds the thread, Tommy tells him about Jeremy.

After Tommy ended things with Abby and then finally came out, he dated around for a long time before he met Jeremy, who was brilliant and fun and new. Tommy was the first man Jeremy had ever been with, and Jeremy was the first person Tommy saw a future with. He'd been so sure about Jeremy. He'd believed that Jeremy was it.

Until, almost two years in, Jeremy ended it. He'd sat Tommy down and said kindly, cruelly, "You're amazing, Tom, but you're just the first. You can't be my last." And then he'd left Tommy completely shattered in the rearview.

"That night, when you asked me to move in... it was like I was watching him put on his coat all over again," Tommy says shakily. "But what I felt for you was lightyears beyond anything I felt for him. I'd fallen so hard for you that I knew if I had to watch you walk away I'd never get up again."

Buck stares at Tommy, eyes rimmed red, and says, "So instead you made me watch you walk away."

It must land like a fist because Tommy exhales sharply and hangs his head, bowing around the pain. He sits like that for a moment, absorbing it, before he lifts his head and nods. "Yeah. That's exactly what I did."

There are deep, dark circles under Tommy's eyes that speak of a hundred sleepless nights, and his body is sharper, leaner, trimmed entirely of anything soft. He's made entirely of angles. He's so unfairly hot. He's miserable to look at.

Buck swallows and murmurs, "You look like there's no love in your life, Tommy."

Sucking in a trembling breath, Tommy smiles weakly and sketches a shrug. It looks like the fatigued steel of his edges are starting to crack.

"I left all my love with you that night." His gaze darts down. "Among other things."

Buck looks down at Nora, who's sleeping the sleep of someone already exhausted by existence, or maybe just by her fathers' drama, and thinks that maybe he really has been carrying all his love plus Tommy's around. Because otherwise he has no idea how he's so full of it.

"She's absolutely perfect," Buck says, smiling dopily.

"She's... more than anything I could've ever dreamed of."

He looks up in time to see Tommy drop his gaze to the floor at the same time his shoulders lift and lock like they're bracing for a blow. And in a voice so thin it's barely a sound, Tommy says, "I know I don't have... any right to ask, but is there any... any chance I could be part of her life?"

The tears that have been languishing at the edges of Buck's eyes finally see an opportunity. He doesn't think he could've held them back any longer if he tried.

Mouth trembling, he whispers, "Just hers?"

At that, Tommy looks up, eyes wide, disbelief and hope chasing each other across his face like dogs. He jerks a little in his chair but he doesn't move. He doesn't move.

Buck stares at him, a tsunami pulling everything back from his shoreline, and bites out, "Thomas James Kinard, if you don't get over here and kiss me, I swear to Christ—"

But Tommy's out of the chair and at his bedside, cupping Buck's face and tenderly smearing a kiss over his open mouth, licking the relieved gasp right off Buck's tongue.

Between them, Nora makes a tiny noise, and Tommy startles away just enough that he can press the side of his head to Buck's and gaze down at her with a tremulous smile.

"She really is something, huh? Sorry about the nose, kiddo," he says softly.

Buck knocks their heads together and says, "I happen to love that nose, thanks. And like you said, my lips will help balance it out."

Huffing a laugh, Tommy kisses Buck's lips. And the side of his nose and the bolt of his jaw. Then he leans down and presses a kiss to Nora's little pink and blue hat.

"I'm sure if you are," Tommy murmurs, tilting his chin up so he can flash a brave smile up at Buck, who smiles back.

"I was always sure."