jecasso-blog

[jecasso-blog]

1type OF relation

Many people doubt that love on first sight exist. But i’m sure they've all had a crush before. There’s a difference.

Typically, their eyes admire a face that’s perfect just for them. They don't know anything about them And still they already imagine The possibilites Sadly, for most shy People it never transforms to Reality (I am one of them.)

That's when you know you got a crush.

When the possibility does come to reality, You slowly start to see their character.

Normally, behind a pretty face lies a pretty soul. But somehow I always prejudice, and say a gorgeous girl cannot be trusted. Pretty on the skin, ugly from within.

Sometimes it really confirms and you regret instantly about having a crush on that person. But if you have luck, there is a chance that she might be of good character on your first impression.

that's when you fall into love.

You are now blind, you just see the perfect picture of her, her beauty, her body, her smile, her attitude, her reactions to you, you find that everything just falls into place.

You think you found the perfect woman.

You will do everything to get her attention, to fulfill her needs you go out of your own way, you are a slave to a goddess. She is an idol in your mind. Every little movement dedicated to you, a swift wave, a sentence, or even a word directed to you, all is a blessing for you. But you greed for more. You long for a more intimate relationship.

The 'yes' after asking her out is the most precious, golden coated, diamond dotted, mile high gate door of possibility you could've ever imagined.

You go on dates, you try to get to know her more, but you are so caught up in your feelings. You are subjective to the max and you are convinced that she has to be your girlfriend at all cost.

So finally, the kiss comes. The beginning of a bond that can go either way. You are excited for the first few weeks, remaining drowned in love, yes, the praised thing that can also be the deadliest poison.

Then, after you've known her not as an idol, a lover, but also as a friend, you start to see clearly again. The poison love slowly fades, the thrill and excitement cease, and you are getting used to her face. You start to see her real edges, her pimples, black heads, undone eyebrows.

You start to see the impact and influence she had on you, the good of course, always, but now also the ugly things. She also has flaws in her character, ticks you've been ignoring, bad habits you never were aware of. Everything that made you have a crush on her, made you fall on love with her, it was a good perfume, maybe your favorite scent. Ocean blue, sunrise avenues, burned wood. Now its fading and you sense her natural scent.

All of these things are balancing out and she is not a goddess anymore, she's a normal human. And again there is a lot of ways to handle this. You start to call it waste of money and time. The high is gone. You start to argue, blame her, shocked by the things she was, a monster now stands before you. You chicken out and then.. You fall out of love, eventually break up.

But most men aren't as immature, yet the mature ones also get caught in these traps. You also may be on the other side, the idol, and not be aware of it. You think they took you as you were. But mature ones will, with the eyes of truth, they will make efforts to end it on good terms. You may agree, or let it end like the first case.

This decision of what you do when you see the whole person as what they are, is the most important for having a succeeding relationship.

Many couples stay in the relationship, hoping they would go back to the times where they were blind, but it would just end up in frustration, an unhappy marriage.

Soul mates. Why does it matter in here? This decision, you take either do it as a soul, while also looking at their soul, with all their scars, some healed, some still fresh- or you let the flesh choose what you do and pull the trigger.

But assuming you are mature, You don't see their face, their physical form. You and the exidol stand before each other with a gun, a knife in your hands. Depending how you aim, it will end in a new wound the soul has to heal from.

But soul mates, they drop the weapons instantly, and embraces that soul with their scars, with their holes, giving it their warm energy. You accept the human being standing before you. With everything what they are. This is a different definition of a soulmate.

Once you accepted her whole soul, you now begin to see her outer appearance again. You know of every little detail that you didn't see, when you were blinded by the superficial symmetry. Her bare, no makeup face. The stretch marks on her back, she got a little out of shape.

But still you get this familiar feeling. You start to fall in love with her all over again, amplified a million times.

And That's when you know you love. That's when you know you found a Keeper. That's when you know you are a keeper.

[jecasso-blog]

No daydreams on sunsets

(part one)

'What's going on between you and DG?' The sassy eyebrow raise of hers was sloppy, but it was enough to make me chuckle, despite being caught off guard. She was on the balcony and started to climb up the ladder. It was the first sentence she said after she joined me on the roof of Frank's crib to watch the sun set. I needed a break from the amount of socializing with people at the ongoing party. It was the kind of party that perfectly suited me. Not too crowded, but just right to call it a big house party. The bass of the new Kdot heat was slightly ringing out the garden. I heard screams and a lot of voices rapping along the lyrics. They were in the middle of turning up. What a contrast to the nice neighborhood landscape I was admiring. The sun was nearly fully embraced by the green hills, many people call them the twin Hollywoods. But there were no big white letter signs, no skyscrapers or big asphalt main streets. No city lights. Just a few bungalows in generous distance to each other, accompanied by huge front yards. Out of all the people, it was her, who joined me. Immediately, I was reminded of all the similar scenes happening in movies. No...this is real life. Get yourself together. Yet, the red, violet color of the sky made a perfect mood. 'what do you mean? What are you doing here anyways?', I countered, trying to be grumpy. As I spoke these words out, while watching her sit next to me, the questions  felt like intense interrogation techniques for the bad cop. I quickly looked back to the hills, watching it eat the last bits of the hot plasma, sighing yet again at my social skills. She laughed. 'You are so adorable. Look, I exactly know what are you trying to do with this. All this.' She waved her left hand all around swiftly, making quick pauses pointing at me and the hills, 'so i came to fulfill that imagination of yours, because your dream girl was too busy with watching the new episode-' 'oh shit, a new episode?! Man, I gotta join her-' She stopped my attempt to stand up, and pushed me back down.

Out of all the people, it was her, who joined me. Immediately, I was reminded of all the similar scenes happening in movies. No...this is real life. Get yourself together. Yet, the red, violet color of the sky made a perfect mood.

'what do you mean? What are you doing here anyways?', I countered, trying to be grumpy. As I spoke these words out, while watching her sit next to me, the questions rang after like intense interrogation techniques for the bad cop. I quickly looked back to the hills, watching it eat the last bits of the hot plasma, sighing yet again at my social skills.

She laughed. 'You are so adorable. Look, I exactly know what are you trying to do with this. All this.' She waved her left hand all around swiftly, making quick pauses pointing at me and the hills, 'so i came to fulfill that imagination of yours, because your dream girl was too busy with watching the new episode-'

'oh shit, a new episode?! Man, I gotta join her-'

She stopped my attempt to stand up, and pushed me back down. 'She's halfway through, no point in joining her anymore. Watch it later with me.' I rubbed my bottom, she was always so rough with me. 'alright.... I thought you were so supportive after asking me that question.' 'So there IS something going on', she exclaimed joyfully. 'DAMN. Not so loud…. And I didn't come up here in hope she would pop up and join me. I just need a break from socializing. And now you are here.', I growled. 'oh c'mon, I know how you think, Romeo. You hoped for that moment. And Ouch. I heard that.' I smiled and gave up being sturdy, so I apologized. 'Sorry, didn't mean that. Okay, okay, there was this small thought-', suddenly, she started laughing out violently, falling on her back, hitting my arm with her palm. 'I saw your reaction as I called from the balcony. You were looking like that first guy in line, seeing a worker inside the apple store opening the gates for the new iPhone . That look was priceless. It wasn't a small thought, you were constantly thinking about it, boy!' I laughed along with her in the purple sky. She knew me too good.  We opened ourselves to the calming nature around us  for a good minute without saying a word, enjoying the occasional breezes in the warm air. A static was heard underneath, and some smooth synths were playing. I heard an all too familiar voice, amplified through a microphone. 'Oh, Frank started playing.' 'It was about time. And your dream girl must be there too. We should join them soon.' 'Yeah..', but we didn't move an inch. The acoustics were oddly fitting with Frank's vocals. The sound waves travelling through the curtains, the open balcony door, perfectly merging with the atmosphere, mixing with the violet color of the skies.

_Cotton Candy, Majin Buu_ ~

'I didn't expect you to be here.', I said after a while. 'Normally you would be down under, displaying your sharp moves to the beat. You like to boast. Unlike me.' 'I don't boast, I am just confident in my skills, I am proud of what I learned through hard work', she said with a braggy, yet humble tone. 'I always tell you to rock with me, but you are too shy. You can't always hide your talent forever. Sometimes, I think you feel it more than me. It's not boasting, that's your mindset. Why not show the world what you got?' 'That's what a lot of people said to me.' 'See? … Promise me one thing. When we crawl down, we tear these songs apart and slay the whole hood with our chemistry. We are one. Like back when…like back when we were alone in the ballroom after prom. Promise?' As I heard "ballroom", I got a nostalgic tingling up my spine. Along with other unwanted feelings. I looked at her dark eyes. I expected a competitive, reassuring smirk, but I saw something different. Her glow was like back then. She was also thinking about these times. The gazes lasted a little while, maybe a little too long. 'Promise.' As I turned my back to the hills, shimmering with red aura, I heard a quiet relief. I smiled. She continued talking about her main topic: 'Yo, man, I can totally see how you are admiring her. At the party, you two were only talking, me and Lara were sailing them ships like the Titanic. Except it won't sink. And I love her. Did you know she has written-' '-Polaroid Boy?', I completed with a tick too much excitement. 'Yeah, I know that. We both could talk about music and that all day. She has also shown me her art. Some pieces straight blew me away. And her humor is gold. We both have the same interests, and we- … she is just what I hoped for. So, you're kinda right, I've been thinking about going out with her. But, I feel like something is odd. And I don't know what it is. I know this sounds brutal, after I always jumped on tables and made dramatic reenactments of my namesake, that my soulmate is there somewhere out there, forbidden, hidden, my Juliet. I mean, how we even met was so movie-like.', I span my body in her direction, to see her face. Her eyes were straight looking at the twins. She said, 'I have to tell you something, Ro. Dream Girl might finally, really, be the dream girl you were waiting for. And whatever is holding you back from her, it's just overthinking, okay? Maybe you still are stuck in the past-', she coughed softly. 'That person... you might be holding on- that person has moved on. That person can't go back again. That person… doesn't want to get you hurt again.'

_Yes of course I remember, how could I forget how you feel?_ ~

There we were. On the rooftop, the sky was getting darker and some stars already shined through the blue matter. But it wasn't a movie scene. It was real-life. My words were spoken in absolute silence, the music was cut off in our heads: 'Yeah… I know… That person is really making my life hard sometimes. Still, after all this time, I want to tell that person, "I love you". And say, thank you. For all the good times. And I want to tell that person: 'I am okay now. I have moved on.' She looked into my eyes, they were shining from the last sunrays creeping over the Twins. She told me with a gentle, clear voice: 'I think that person would've wanted to hear that… That person, also… loves you too.'

(part two)

I wondered how I managed to get into this situation. Dream Girl was pacing slowly next to me, looking at the sky. I pushed myself to look at her, and all I thought was, 'wow.' It was weird. I wasn't like this before. At the party, my confidence was a lot higher and I felt more relaxed, but now, the tension was building up. It was dark, the air was getting cooler. The moon and the stars were in full bloom. Dream Girl aka Maria, was holding on to my jeans jacket hanging from her shoulders. We were the only ones in the street. This day definitely was a rollercoaster. Luckily, something came into mind that made me ease up again: 'So, how was the new episode?' The fast turn of her head waved her curly hair around, over her face, the resulting hair curtain made her look crazy. 'It was so intense! But that's all I want to say, you need to watch it as soon as you can.' 'Yeah, I promised to watch it with Rey.', I replied. She fixed her hair, walked a few quick steps ahead and stopped before me with a smirk on her face. 'So what's going on between you and Frances, Johnny?', she asked. Her smooth sassy eyebrow raise was perfectly executed. She was beautiful in this light. I laughed and asked in a sarcastic tone, ' Who are you even talking about?' Her feet started taking steps backwards, still facing me, and then she started talking passionately: 'You know exactly who I mean! Rey! You two were blasting the dance floor like it was the world championships. I mean, the way you both flowed together! It was art in its purest form, I almost cried. And it was freestyled! I didn't even know you were so good at dancing. How is this even possible, you two must have been through a lot together.' I was starting to follow her, just to make a pause again and say, ' Yes, indeed, we have been friends for a while now.' Resuming her position next to me, she sighed in admiration, 'Why didn't you tell me? I love her. We are so similar, it's kinda getting scary. You probably already know that she is going move to Korea to perform, right?' My smile turned from real into fake. My voice was slightly trembling as I answered, 'no, ...she didn't tell me. I guess she wanted to surprise me.' I attempted to let out a laugh, but it was more like an unhealthy cough. Immediately, she sensed my inner devastation. 'Oh...', she exclaimed with a worried face. 'I guess it must be hard for her to leave. Especially when you are going to stay here… I know that feeling of leaving best friends. Oh wow, I actually thought my ability of putting myself into other's shoes was quite respectable. I am sorry.' I tried to keep my cool while trying to calm her down by saying, 'It's not your fault. Did she say for how long?' 'Umm, she said it depended. But, she planned to stay for two years.' We resumed walking next to each other. It was romantic, but of course my head was somewhere else. I was trying to cope with the news, but then remembered the roof conversation. I felt a sudden feeling of comfort. So that's what she was trying to do. My smile got real again, but I was kind of disappointed that I still haven't figured her out as much as she did me. 'Maria.' 'Yeah?' 'Why did you really ask me this question?' A long pause followed, but then she started talking: 'Okay, you got me. I really thought you two were like, really close. I mean, after I was finished with the episode, I headed to the room where Frank was finally about to perform some songs... Well, honestly, I looked for you when he started, the whole crowd was present, except for you and Rey. And then, I saw you both coming down from the balcony.' 'Oh, you looked for me? Well I was enjoying the sunset, but then that girl joined me, ugh.', I made an exaggerated shiver., 'umm, I thought we were sneaky enough.' Her face was displaying slight disappointment as she replied, 'I kind of regret watching this episode now, as dope as it was. I would've joined you two immediately, but my inner fan couldn't resist.' 'Don't worry, I can relate just too well. I almost fell from the roof when Rey told me you were watching it. But it might be not as extreme as it is with you', we were having a good 5 minutes talking about the show. How it influenced our lives, whether it was in a bad or good way. A long period of silent admiration for the night sky followed, and only Maria's mix of plateau and heels were making rhythmic sounds with the ground. 'I thought you were gonna sit with her somewhere, but to my pleasant surprise, you sat down by my side, while she went with that girl, I really liked her jacket though.' 'Yup, her style is out of this world', I replied, 'Those two are like yin and yang. They balance each other out. Determined to stay together for all times. You could say they are married. It's probably going to be a legit apocalypse when she doesn't move to Korea with Rey, and really, those two together are pure fire. When you think Rey and I have chemistry, then those two have nuclear reactions.' 'Really, is that the case? I believe that, but I bet it's something different with you and Rey. Because I even saw, umm, Lara's reactions, her big eyes, her big smiles, her gasps, she was just as shocked as me. And to be honest, it really was the most passionate performance I've ever seen in my life. And I saw a lot of dancers, even the married ones couldn't reach your level.' As I was hearing this made my heart feel warmth, in package with eerie doubts. A sincere 'Thank you.' was all I could put out. She conceded, 'I should thank you both. I am inspired to write again… Anyways, I wasn't sure what was going on between you and her. So I thought it was a good idea to take a few steps back. It turned out to be a good idea after seeing you both dance, I mean you were all over her. So I assumed you two were a couple.', she put her hands between her fingers. I sighed, 'That's the downside of being in the flow. You don't remember what you actually did', I assured to her, 'Hey, let me say this. Rey and I are best friends. She knows me in and out, damn, she even knew that-', I hesitated for a little second. 'I have to confess something. I was kinda hoping you would join me up there, in the rooftop.' 'UGH. NOO WAY!', she looked devastated as I burst out laughing, 'Damn me and my addiction. I am so sawry. You know, I was waiting for that opportunity, but then the fucking episode came out! Shit. Yo, Rey is really an angel for not letting you vegetate alone back there.' Yes she was, I thought. Serious me began talking again. 'She even knew that little hope I had. And what happened up there, was a good talk that was needed. I mean, it was nothing you might've thought, we were even talking about you. She even thinks we both are adawrable, as she always says. I think that Rey and I were made to be together, but not in the traditional way. I think that it couldn't lead to something more.' No, don't say that word. Don't think that thought.  'But being with you, I felt something special. Different from her, It's the feeling that I had known you for longer that we actually do, you know what I mean? And this other sensation, judging from what you just said it seems like you felt the same way.', Okay, that's good boy, keep it up. This might turn into a movie after all. We neared Maria's bungalow and stopped before the entrance. She looked over to me, her green eyes were warm and sparkling. 'Yeah, I did. I also felt the same way... And I am glad I have a more clear view over this. And now I am confident and assured enough for what I am about to ask. Look, I know girls don't usually do this but, ... I wanna ask you out on a date.' Wow. How bold. My mind and heart were switching places so fast they became one. But somehow, Heart had something else in mind. I hesitated. Why? She's the Dream Girl. It was love on first sight, right? So why am I standing here with an ambiguous face? She is waiting, just look at her. The green beautiful eyes, her natural curly hair. She looks sexy with your jacket on her shoulders. This awesome striped polo in yellow and green, tucked in, and her blue 90's jeans, clean with no rips, except for the white strings hanging from the cutoff ends, barely reaching the plateau shoes she was wearing. Skin tone caramel. Red nail polish. My favorite. A walking definition of passion. Straight out of the 90's. So why aren't you still answering?

_The reason is_ … 'Hey.', her voice, dark like fresh coffee, muttered. 'You still think about…Rey leaving…right? That's why you were so off. I apologize, I don't know what it is with me today, I really did nothing good to you today, I prioritized a stupid TV show over one of the dopest persons I've ever met today, and-' she went silent when I lifted up my palm. She was right with what she said, but it wasn't because she was leaving. It was because of... no, remember the rooftop. Get over it. Softly, I took her left hand with my right. 'Yes. I would like to go out with you.' The response from my beating heart seemed to indicate I was making the right decision. I was considering giving her a kiss on her hand, but I didn't want to be an outdated reincarnation of an old Shakespeare creation, instead, I had a more modern idea: 'Hey, you know what? Lets make our own handshake that only us both use. I already got an idea how this might look like.' Maria was making big eyes. 'This is the best idea ever. I have thought about one so I got some ideas that you wanna see.' I taught her the handshake i had in mind. We were spending a couple of minutes trying to figure out a legit impressing, but simple handshake. Her own ideas were neat, but she was kind of bad executing it. After a while, when I got the hunch she was relatively secure, I said, 'Ok lets try it out.' Clap. Snap. Twirl. Bump. We shouted out a loud 'OOOOH' in harmony, celebrating the success, laughing out, probably disturbing a few neighbors. As we calmed down, I realized something. 'Hey Maria.' 'Yeah?', she asked expectantly, her eyebrows were raised. 'You are nothing like the songs you write.', I slowly told her while trying to remain eye contact. It was harder than ever now.

After a long second, she replied with a confident expression, 'Well, you still have to find out who I really am, Romeo. Let me give you a glimpse.' Oh no, I thought, if she's going to become like her songs, then she…oh no. I was eagerly anticipating as she let out a big sigh, relaxing herself by letting her shoulders loose. There she goes. She was calm, a calm before  the storm. Her eyes were closed, I watched her carefully as she tied her wild hair back to a bun, leaving a perfectly curled strand hanging on the side. It was like a normal everyday thing, but she made it look like the sexiest thing on earth. But then, she opened her eyes slowly, with a bedroom look like a supermodel. Femme fatale. She seemed to look sleepy, but her intense passion radiating from her eyes caused an bursting explosion of adrenalin inside my body, starting from my brain, the electric feeling rushed through my spine to the lower core. My heart was pumping faster than I could grasp what was going on. 'This..', she whispered as I felt her warm breath on my skin as she neared my face, stopping only a few millimeters away. I was frozen. Deeply, I was lost in The eyes of a medusa. '…is the real me.'

The next thing I saw was her, in the frame of her door, turning her back, smiling, to say: 'I'll write 'cha.', before shutting the door completely. Leaving me alone in her front porch with a perplexed look. What had happened just now? Did we kiss? I didn't know the answer, I was staring at the purple door for a good minute. I even had my jacket again, that she wore on her shoulders. Then, I touched my lips softly, letting out the dumbest grunt of my life. Slowly turning to the direction where I parked my bicycle, I started strolling while putting on my headphones, connected to an old Walkman tucked on the side of my pants. Pressed 'Play'.

"sound and color/" ~

The song that was playing woke me up. "try to keep yourself awake/" ~ 'Yo, Ro.' A muffled, female voice was calling me. "sound and color/" ~ 'what?', I mumbled out of reflex. My voice was surprisingly hoarse. "this life ain't like a book-" A force pulled the headphones off me. 'wake up. lecture's over.' I opened my eyes, but the bright light made it hard for me. Damn. Not again. I managed to sit up from the desk I was laying my arms on the whole time to doze off. Why did I even had my headphones on? Me and my addiction to music. I proceeded taking a look around to find out who woke me up. Next to me was someone, with my headphones in hand, looking at me with a casual smile. It was the girl who I met in some preliminary preparation courses. She was kind and tried to help me with keeping up, but at least by now she must've realized my effort. We never got to the point of really getting to know to each other than talking about college. Another student who made the right decisions, determined and motivated to major. We were the only one's in the room. Even the professor left early, maybe some unfinished business he had to attend to. She handed me the cheap headphones. 'thanks.', I said, following up with an awkward laugh. 'I really can't just focus for once, maybe i should throw these things away.' Already halfway through the rows, wanting to exit, the girl contradicted me. 'Don't.' Arrived at the door, she added, looking at me with a straight, but still friendly face, 'Just do what you love.' With these words she left me alone. The door clicked and I was still sitting on the same seat. Still staring at the spot, where she was a few seconds ago, thinking, what does she mean. But I already knew the answer, I just denied it and pretended to not know. I fished my iPhone out my pocket, and stopped the music from playing. My finger automatically touched the WhatsApp symbol. No messages. What did you expect, Romeo? I sighed while putting the phone back in my tight jeans. The small windows let a few sunrays through, which were hitting my striped shirt. The sky was purplish pink. I was trying hard to remember the dream I was just having, I knew it was intense, an explosion of emotions, but all faded away too quickly to catch and store into a notebook.

What was the name of the girl earlier? Oh yeah, how could I forget. Her name was Juliet.

[jecasso-blog]

G A

I rushed to the glass door as fast as I could. The rain was falling lightly, but in thick drops to the ground and onto my jacket. My black cap was already wet as I entered the small, warm café. Perplexed, my eyes wandered around, searching, till they saw her… She. I was relieved. 'Man, it took you long enough.' she growled with false anger. She was sitting directly in front of the café window. 'I just saw you outside doing your thing', she laughed as I answered with a chuckle: 'Yeah, I do skips like an elementary school girl.'   'It's cute.', she replied with a smile. In that moment, my heart imitated me on a hectic, rainy day. I seated myself in front of her, the window next to me was still attacked by the few raindrops falling. The sky was getting dark, and I thought, lately, the sun did go down faster than usual. I let out a big sigh, the contrast between the window and the café - I always liked it . 'I adore this weather. It's so underappreciated and so hated. And yet, it makes dates like these so much comfortable', she commented, as if she read my mind. The weak, almost whispered 'Right?' coming from my mouth was the only word I could put out. When I looked at her eyes, which were entirely black, from this near distance... It swayed my mind. Most people think black eyes are boring, but they have hidden meanings. Like the rain. Silently, I was showering her with compliments. As I looked at her lips, only slightly shining from lip balm, she said, ' I don't like sunny days'. That sentence somehow burned into my mind as I replied,' Yeah. When summer calls , there will be sweaty balls.' She exploded. 'Dude. What the fuck?', but she laughed so hard, the only other group in the back of the café stole some glances. As we both enjoyed this immature joke like middle school kids, I took a look at her outfit. She was dressed 'casually elegant' in her terms: A black cap like I did, sitting lightly on top of her head, with straight, obsidian black hair at shoulder length, which framed her face perfectly, especially the few strands which were slightly covering her left eye. The olive-green silk blouse was slightly opened, to leave room for her black turtleneck underneath. Continuing the dark theme, her black jeans were ripped DIY-style and reached to her ankles, which were covered by her high top black vans. As we calmed down, the waitress came over and took our orders: A big pot of Japanese green tea. When she left, I waited for a few seconds, before I gazed straight into her black eyes, and somehow, I couldn't pretend any longer that I was happy like always. I tried to speak with sincerity: 'Do you know why... Do you know why I wanted to meet You.. here?' Her eyes glistened, her look changed. 'We met in here, because it's our place, our realm, our paradise. Our first and best memories, we made them in here. The first time we saw each other was in that corner', she pointed at a door curtain in the back of the café, 'where the records are. When I walked in, I saw a boy of my age, listening to Marvin Gaye - I think it was "What's going on", that's when you saw me. Wait-', she crossed her legs, folded her arms, making a sour face, 'Dude, I am not going to tell this story how your cheesy ass would!', I heard a mix of an angry and playful tone in her voice, but the honest expression of my eyes said it all. They saw my sadness. Slowly, she sat up, based her hands on the edges of her chair. I could tell, she seemed to get herself together, when her head turned to the window. But then, she returned throwing her two pure, black pearls at the brown tinted windows of my soul, continuing the things I wanted to hear: 'You saw me. Next to me. I was trying to figure out how the record player worked. You jumped to me, helping me to get to play the vinyl, and then you saw that it was Etta James on the turntable... Back then, I was surprised how good these old geezers were, I wasn't expecting that back then. And there we were, two souls: a young soul, in a new futura mindset, and an old soul, stuck in a body of a college boy. You welcomed me, and soon, we were listening to the sorrows of the past, in this café. It was the perfect circumstance for a day of musical exchange. And that day became a week, a month, ten years. But enough of the glorious days of our past.'

The amount of bitterness and raw emotion in her voice made it harder for me not to lose it: 'J...I can tell, you have something on your mind. Something bad. Something that-', she made a pause,'...will give all the records we listened to a meaning. J, the only thing that would make you look like this, would be-'

The waitress came and brought the tea. I thanked her with a dry throat, and poured some tea in both mine and her cup, I was shaking, nearly spilling some in the process. I held the cup to my nose, with both my hands, feeling the hot, evaporated water on my skin. I looked out the window and noticed that the rain stopped, and some sun rays pierced through the clouds. 'Weird. I thought the sun already set.' I could hear her sigh, she knew the game I was playing. And she has always beaten me. 'You lost track of time ever since the battery of your watch ran out... And I feel like you are here to tell me that our battery will soon die too.' I slowly glanced back at her with a bitter smile on my face. Fatality. I took a sip of my tea. Bad idea. The hot liquid burned my tongue, but I tried to hide it. My reaction made the dense atmosphere a little lighter. But not sufficiently. 'You never learn, do you? Don't hide your silliness, I can always see you from a mile away when you fuck up', she chuckled. But her chuckle felt mortified. 'Now tell me, why is it that your eyes are also shouting for help?' The moment has come. I placed the cup on the table, still grasping them with both hands. I began to say: ' I never thought would meet someone like you. Honestly.' Normally, she would react with rolling eyes and leave the room when I began my appreciation speeches, but now, she sits before me, with her eyes, with warmth, and for the first time, she seemed to love what I was saying. 'My heart is still skipping like an elementary school girl every time I see your face. Every time I think of you. Every time you give back some borrowed clothes, your scent makes me want to never wash it again. All of the things that we sang along, that we sang about, that we wrote about. I am lucky. I am blessed to have you, and I thank God every day that you make me feel more alive. I was already about to give up on love. I experienced the worst, I was used, betrayed. I was like a loyal dog, forgotten on a highway rest stop. The only thing that was giving me hope and consolation were these records.' I was too weak to hold the cup any longer, I let it slip slowly through my fingers, and softly onto the table. I sighed slowly. 'And now we are here.' Short silence.  

'Like in a movie.' She was ready for what was coming.

'Like in a drama, yes, you already know it. I wanted to have a good ending scene. The best grand finale. But now, I have to give you a reason why it isn't going to be. I wish I had none. But the timer has run out.'

Silence. My shame made me not look at her, but I could feel her tears from across the table. That phrase was the most feared sentence in the world. I started to question how powerful the devil really was. Impossible things happen from being blessed, and yet we are faced with cruel tasks time and time again.

'I was assigned to fi-'

'I know.', her eyes fell back to the times she was before. And it mixed with the current her.

A sense of sudden fear of what she was going to say next surprised me. My wet eyes were searching around the café, hopelessly praying for a lucky sign that it wasn't going to be what he concluded.

'Look at me.' The whisper made me well up, but I managed to do as she said. Meanwhile, the clouds were parting and a new rays could shine through. And what I saw was the most beautiful image of my life. The sun was shining on her lips, and even though the cap created a dark shadow over her eyes, they glowed so brightly, eerily determined. Yet, the tears were still running down to her mouth, and I saw something odd. A smile. She was like an angel. A guardian angel.

-- I was sweating as I tried to pave my way as fast as I could to the café. It was unbearably muggy since July started. Luckily, the café had air condition and the fresh breeze cooled my pants. I sat down by the window, staring out, squinting, trying to look past the raw sunlight piercing through the window. 'Long time no see, darlin', the same as always?' I turned to see the waitress next to me. 'Yes, long time no see. Indeed, please one pot of green tea.' 'Straight comin' up. I knew you would come today. I think it is the tenth, right? Then, today, everything is on the house.'

'Thank you very much… Yes, it is the tenth anniversary today.'

As she quickly fetched the orders from guests, she came back with the tea.

'A pot of Japanese green tea, with an extra cup, and the butter cake.' 'Thanks.' 'I never told you she was one of my favorite customers. Every time she would stop by, she would talk to me about all the ideas she had in this café. I felt sincerely happy and it was one of the best compliments I have ever received. The reason I built this type of café, was to inspire people, and protest against the NUR. Her songs describe topics that are so cliché today in a new and refreshing way. I mean, she wrote 'polaroid boy' in here... I can tell that it is about you. Seeing you both in here, it's like a visit from family. Well technically, having you two be there in my little business from the start, you are family.'

'Yeah, we always loved your quirky ass, Mrs. Carter.' ' don't get too rude now, boy, or I will whoop ya ass as if you were still that little brat!', But we both laughed, my laughter cracked a little as I thought back. 'I never understood why someone like her would feel so understood by a man that is the definition of cheesy.' I smirked and rejoined:' Sometimes I wonder myself. I guess she found that there are still people who really can pull off being greasy.' 'I would call that bragging, if I didn't know you so well, darlin'.' Mrs. Carter turned to look for the other customers. 'I will leave you now. Let me know if you need something.'

As she left, I looked out the window again. Still sunny. My look went to the table with hesitant eyes, after a holding back a feeling not welcomed, I finally poured myself some tea. Filled the other cup. I was shaking, missed a few drops. I fetched some tissues and tried to wipe the small puddles, when my eyes caught something underneath the plate, where the butter cake was waiting. I lifted up the plate and saw that it was a photograph. A Polaroid. On it there were two people looking at each other. They were shown from the back, and I could recognize the corner where the record players and vinyls where sitting. I angled the photo to the light to see more details and immediately, I saw myself. Mrs. Carter was probably the one taking the picture. I saw my old blue college jacket, the white sleeves were dirty and washed out. Down under I wore  black pants and the 6" boots. Headphones were resting on my neck and I was intensely looking at her. She was wearing red booster steel wings, and her body was covered in a crimson red, tight, metal armor. The rainbow-colored neon lights were all over the place, indicating how much energy was left.

I paused to look out. No clouds in the sky, what a shame. Summer storms were the best. Turned the Polaroid. As expected, an unexpected letter. The writing was tiny, yet so precise and clean. I instantly recognized her unique font. 'ZigZag', she called it. 'Never thought she would do something like this. This doesn't fit her', I thought to myself.

'Homie don't be phony,

Hello. Is it me you're looking for?  Because this is just a letter. From me. I know~,, crazy right? I also don't get why people would write letters when they can just leave voice messages. Or even take a video. But, I think I can make an exception for you. Dude~,, when you are reading this, then Mrs. Carter decided to let you free from my prison. I wanted to let suffer a little more~,, but I guess people aren't as cruel as me.

Okay, I will forget for now that I am trying to push boundaries wherever I can, because I want to be clear, and sincere.

J, we've been together for a long while now, and I still can't seem to understand you fully. The way you act, the way you talk, even the way you look at me. Blood flows where it shouldn't be, where I didn't allow it to flow. And places got real wet, where I thought it would be dry for decades to come. You know~~ You aren't just interesting to me, an inspiration for my creativity, you also are my biggest enemy. And you know that. All the things I tried to change in this world make a difference, it involved mainly pushing tradition and culture off the ledge into the burning fires. I changed the way people dress, I changed the pop sound that was long overused. I created new standards for people to live to. But you, you didn't seem to fit in. When I was walking in this café, hoping to find all of this useful to bash old times, I came across the vinyls, the soul section. You know the story, so I wont tell it again, because it's embarrassing. When I tried to change the world, you changed me. (halt.  Dude~,, I really copied your  writing style, you really did some programing on me. It's disgusting.) You are everything that was good from these times, embodied and it felt like I was about to go mad. My other was not expecting this to happen to my U2VsZiBsZWFybmuluZyBhbGdvcml0aG0=. Until now I am still trying to figure out why I stick with you, when I could have been with someone else who could push my innovation further. But.. You really showed me that not all things old were bad. You reinvented me. You replaced my dope cold steel coat with a blanket full of overused love sayings. And somehow it kept me warm. And I thank you. For the first time I was like a normal girl. Even me, the fashion icon of  dressed a lot different than outside. You knew this other side, but you knew the one I was showing to you, was the real one. From the day we met, my sound changed, I revised all the things that I innovated. And it was a huge success. But for the first time, I didn't care about it. And until now, I was fighting to find me. And not the vessel for my… brain, like I was before. Now it's just a trait of mine that upgraded the broken, fake puppet, and made me a full, real woman that I have become.

In my life I never thought I would follow my 'father', I was lucky to learn that thought and encrypt it. But in the end, it didn't matter.  It always was my destiny. But what makes it worth it, it was for a special someone.

Take care of the old sassbrat Carter and her paradise for me.

I know that you will understand. I hope you didn't break my promise of not leaving AREA S. Okay, before I finally transform into a duplicate of you, let me be wild again-'

The letter changed into a drawing of a skull that is was cut around the forehead, and the brain was showing, one half was flowing out of the skull, decorated with noisy patterns, all through the backside of the polaroid, while the other half was static and in normal shape, full of heart shapes.

There was a sentence beneath it.

I looked to the skyline of NEW SR-88.0.

It was sunny weather. Heavy rain began to fall.