jellybean-18

[jellybean-18]

I guess I feel like I don’t know if I’m the fucked up one for convincing myself into thinking what I’m doing is what’s right, valid, and the truth and they have the chance to help me understand what they don’t like that I’m doing “wrong” when that’s not what actually happening or if I’m seeing it right and they’re actually fucking me over and intentionally doing these things, I can see some of it as unintentional but I feel like I’m gaslighting my self if I say what they are doing was all unintentional . Like I can’t live in extremes forever but I haven’t been able to reach a middle ground at all, even when I’m trying. I still feel like a middle ground compromises my validation. Am I fucked up? Am I “too fucked up”? Are they still bold face lying or ignoring me? Am I just more willing to compromise than them so I have less patience? I don’t think patience is an issue, I just feel like I give every opportunity until I’m forced to shut down from so much exerted effort . I’m feeling again that none of my communication or words are getting through. It’s not the most extreme right now, but it’s creeping up. Similar vibes at least.

[jellybean-18]

when your desire to sleep to calm down the anxiety hyperactivity meets the anxiety sensory issues that is disgusted by the fact that to sleep your body must be in contact with another object which just generates even more anxiety and you're 5 secs away from slamming your head into a wall

[jellybean-18]

Textbook: Antidepressants increase the amount of serotonin in the brain, leaving us in a calm and stable mood

Me, a bipolar, very aware of the effects of antidepressants on mania:

[jellybean-18]

My bipolar ass: wow I feel so motivated. This is amazing. Let’s get shit done! Let’s do things!

My bipolar ass realizing what’s going on after not sleeping: ah fuck

[jellybean-18]

I guess I went to a shooting range recently bc bank statements & 1 live round of ammo in a box 🤷🤷🤷

nice hypomania feels

never being satisfied

stress stress stress

too many things to do and i can’t take a rest

a break?? think again

dissociation

i am faking my entire illness? i,!!!

what even is a memory

no seriously i have no idea what i did today

i am happy but i’m not happy

no time for feels tbh

pls give me some rest pls

[jellybean-18]

Solar Flare by Eleanor Hsieh

[jellybean-18]

“The judge and the forensic psychiatrist get lunch together before they commit the next schizophrenic. The police officer and the social worker are on a first-name basis; both know which chemical tranquilizer acts fastest. The inmate at the security hospital is unsure whether she's in prison or the hospital. The same psychologist that assures the delinquent/mentally ill student he's the innocent victim of traumatic and unfair systems fears his outbursts and dials 911 when he screams at school.”

Of Unsound Mind: Towards a mad abolitionism

[jellybean-18]

sorry i told you about my schizophrenic delusions do you still think im hot </3

[jellybean-18]

did the guy with two monitors and a light up keyboard hurt you queen

[jellybean-18]

This! I'm such an over sharer

[jellybean-18]

[jellybean-18]

[jellybean-18]

[jellybean-18]

being suicidal from such a young age really fucked up my decision making process. dumb brain always being so dramatic. bad day? k*ll urself. get into a fight? end the relationship. room is messy? burn the house to the ground. like damn bitch pick a reasonable response for once

[jellybean-18]

Okay, let’s get something straight here: 

Día De Los Muertos is not “A Mexican Halloween”

If you did not know that, it is alright it is not your job to know everything about ever culture but allow me to explain exactly what Day of the Dead is: 

Día De Los Muertos/ Day of the Dead is a celebration but not so much of one like Halloween, 

In the mornings there are typically parades all filled with laughter, dance, beautiful decorations, and music of course it is fun we celebrate the life we have

But we don’t paint our faces and go parading down the street for nothing, its not a thing we do just because it is fun 

We MOURN

We honor those who has passed and made the journey to the afterlife

Each year families to to Grave sights (which are NOT for your aesthetically pleasing selfies please) to pay respects and visit those who have already gone

Mexicans and Hispanics are very family oriented people, at the grave sights you can often hear mother wailing out for their children who passed too soon or men knelt over their mother’s grave sobbing and of course children crying for their parents

People pray and cry out, they sob and scream

Yes it is a day of remembrance and we honor them but it is still painful, we miss those who once walked with us

Families and friends typically bring favorite food, flowers, drinks, etc to the graveyards 

Do NOT make fun of that. Please.

DON’T post skeleton memes aimed at Day of The Dead, the calavera/sugar skulls are meant to represented the parted souls of loved ones with names etched onto the forehead and the skulls painted on our faces are meant to ward off more death

DON’T disrespect grave sights, this is an obvious thing not to do people 

DON’T  celebrate if you do not intend of respecting and honoring those who have passed and just want it as a second Halloween 

DON’T mock people celebrating or any of the traditions 

DON’T mess the with petals, those orange petals are from a flower called  cempoalxochitl, and they are meant to help guide the dead back to their homes so their spirits can too visit 

Don’t get me wrong Day of the Dead isn’t always sad it is also fun and amazing and beautiful, we not only honor those who have gone but we celebrate those who have lived this long, we celebrate the life we have and acknowledge the fact we made it this far, death is a natural cycle, death will take us all one day but not today, and that is the reason why we celebrate! It is a beautifully melancholy holiday, and remember Day of the Dead is actually multiple days do please be mindful!

[jellybean-18]

Grimoire update! My tarot cheat pages, palmistry guide and my page on my handmade runes. ———————————————— Update! Thank you guys so much for all the notes!!!! Here are the links to my latest updates!!! If you like em, Heart em and I’ll keep posting pages!!!! https://red-moon-witch.tumblr.com/post/159262810238/next-update-moon-phases-and-correspondences-and https://red-moon-witch.tumblr.com/post/159437212808/new-grimoire-update-owl-doodle-crystal-shapes