jen-said-that- - Tumblr blog

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I probably spend a good like. 80% of my year thinking about rereading The Goldfinch btw (the other 20% is spent rereading it)

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How many people read The Goldfinch after reading The Secret History and assumed it was going to be another dark academia staple with autumnal settings and tweed only to read a heart tearing story about a little boy living in Las Vegas where nobody loves him, only to escape to glitzy New York in the antique scene, fitting in perfectly to the old money aesthetic that's seen as so much classier only for it all to be built around artifice and lies, and nobody loves him there either.

She told us not to do things just for beauty the first time, and we were fooled twice. Ms Tartt you've done it again.

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'I Think Maybe You Thought It Was Something Else' - Goldfinch Analysis

I expend so much mental energy thinking about this conversation. Was Boris really being honest here? Did their encounters mean so little to him? Tartt implies it did occur at least once after he began dating Kotku, so I'm not sure his explanation about 'needing girls' holds up. How heartbreaking for Theo, who so plainly adores Boris and has had an ongoing sexuality crisis over his experiences with him for years.

I did read a good analysis about this recently, which highlighted that Boris is a person of action. He is regularly dishonest and hyperbolic in speech, but he acts authentically. Therefore, I think he shows his love for Theo in the way he outwardly behaves towards him, both in Vegas era and NYC/Amsterdam time – he kisses him goodbye, he's the one to initiate all of their physical affection in general, and let's not forget his life advice, 'stay away from the ones you love too much, those are the ones who will kill you,' right before he quite literally risks his life for Theo and was willing to die so he could escape in that parking garage.

Why the aloof attitude about their sexual history, then? What's his motivation for undermining it in this offhand, callous manner? I think there are a few possibilities. Boris is very observant, and sees Theo's discomfort with queerness plainly over the years he's know him. Think about how defensive Theo becomes even just a few minutes before this interaction when Boris asks if Hobie is is partner, much to Boris's annoyance. Or, when they were in Vegas, how put off Theo acts when Boris asked if Hobie was 'an old poofter?' (said light-heartedly by Boris, but taken rather seriously by Theo). I get the sense that Boris suspects Theo is queer and very uncomfortable with it, and so he doesn't want deal with Theo's reaction to addressing their past sincerely.

Another possibility is tied up in Theo as an unreliable narrator. We find out in this conversation that Theo said and did a whole lot that we never heard about from his perspective during the Vegas years, whether that be due to him blacking out or simply because the narrative is framed through his own internalised homophobia. Who knows what he said to Boris about their relationship at that time, blackout drunk, or how his shame and discomfort generally affected Boris? I've always thought the suddenness of Boris's attachment to Kotku strange. He seems perfectly content and fulfilled by his intimate relationship with Theo and then one day is wholly engrossed in this random girl? This could be reaching, but I've imagined that perhaps Theo's unchecked depression and shame about his sexuality became too much for Boris. Perhaps he had to disengage for his own good.

Which brings me to my final conclusion – Boris here is essentially rejecting Theo before he gets 'rejected' himself, because loving someone who is ashamed of their sexuality feels like a constant rejection. Boris has faced a lot of loss and abandonment in his own life. He clearly fears vulnerability and real, lasting intimacy (consider his inability to remain in one place very long, lack of faithfulness in his various relationships, mistrust for anything stable or safe, etc). While he may not have the internalised homophobia in the same way Theo does (he seems fairly easy going and accepting towards other queer characters), his major obstacle to being honest with Theo about how he feels is his fear of rejection and commitment which permeates his adult life. Otherwise, this conversation would just indicate that he does not feel very deeply for Theo at all, which we know is not true. The text supports requited feelings between them that never get properly addressed. One of the (many) great tragedies of this novel.

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rip richard papen, you would’ve loved saltburn

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returning to my insufferable goldfinch era after being given the most amazing gift ever by my spouse

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Said this to a dear and much-loved friend today, but I think maybe we all might need to see it:

Long-fic is not the rent you pay to be a part of fandom.

Fic, full-stop, is not the rent you pay to be a part of fandom.

Art is not the rent you pay to be a part of fandom.

Constantly creating is not the rent you pay to be a part of fandom.

Fandom is a community, not a corporation, your productivity is not a payment you have to make to be here.

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« We looked at each other. And it occurred to me that despite his faults, which were numerous and spectacular, the reason I’d liked Boris and felt happy around him from almost the moment I’d met him was that he was never afraid. »

THE GOLDFINCH, Donna Tartt

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saw this post by @foodiewithdahoodie so here are byler wearing each other's belts <333 was supposed to be more subtle than a jacket or a sweater but well. the diamond belt.

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life update - the byler tag hit 350k on my birthday and my partner and lovely friends bought me these so that’s pretty exciting

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I really enjoyed this DTIYS, @imactuallyreallycool! Thanks for the inspo :)

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Mike likes to lay in Will’s lap and debrief about his day while Will plays with his hair

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moody byler sketch 🤎

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Mike Wheeler having his Troy Bolton Bet On It moment in S5

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Stranger Things is actually about how much everyone loves Will Byers btw

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Will and Mike are so Frodo and Sam coded it physically pains me Jesus Christ

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“Thanks,” Will whispers, into the still darkness of the closet. Not for the first time, it’s about more than just the shoulder Mike is offering.

Mike tenses, just for a second, before relaxing again. “Yeah,” he whispers back.

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this moment in acswy chapter 5 by @campbyler had me kicking and screaming I love them so much !!!

@wiseatom @andiwriteordie @astrobei

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