jenliliscripts

[jenliliscripts]

Lisa puffed a lungful of smoke, ashes of the newly lit cigarette cascading down her leg. She watched the moon passively, shivering as a cool gush of wind brushed past her balcony. 

“Why did it have to be today of all days?” she said under her breath, feeling defeated.

She turned her gaze to giant billboard situated at the heart of the city, not far up ahead from her apartment complex, and the face of an all too familiar person immediately registers in her head. 

“You decided to show up this way on the day you left last year. How perfect,” she muttered in her place.

This is how you make me remember what I lost, huh?

Jennie was everywhere since she released her album. On magazines, TV ads, social media, buses and anywhere you could think of. It was impossible to avoid her and of course, the memories of her. Worse, she was asked about her earlier today, as people still assumed they were in contact.

We’re no longer friends. She’s not mine to hold. Not mine to love. Just a stranger who I share a million fleeting moments with. 

After the group disbanded, the pair went on to live together in Los Angeles, away from the public eye. They have been keeping their shaky relationship from the rest of the world and even when they secretly moved, they’ve kept quiet about it. 

It was mainly Lisa decision to hide it even if they didn’t have to anymore. Jennie was very open about revealing it if they were asked, but the former wanted to figure out where their careers are going before doing anything risky such as that.

Jennie got tired of waiting for her to figure it out. But to completely be honest, Lisa just wasn’t ready for things to drastically change for the two of them. There are so many people who have been waiting for them to make a mistake. They may lose it all. 

But I was the only one who lost everything...

After all, she is—was everything to me.

Lisa heard one of her songs the other day and almost had to throw up as her gut felt like it was punched. It had glimpses of the love letters Jennie wrote in her journal which was tucked away in her drawer. 

She thought of me when she was writing that line. I was there. She looked at me every now and then before she would continue to jot hastily with a small smile on her lips. 

But what’s more painful about these songs is that it seemed like a final goodbye, a chapter Jennie would like to get rid of. It was like a parting message to her, who she hasn’t talked to in a year. Not only that, Lisa heard she’s seeing someone else.

She put out the cigarette, disgusted by the taste it left on her lips. She was not a smoker, but on days like this when it’s overwhelmingly lonely, she would light a stick or two to keep the edge off. 

She thought of reading the journal again and later decided against it. That’s too much heartache for one night. 

But it’s no use. She memorized those letters like every curve and line of Jennie’s body. She knew every word, every stroke of her handwriting in that journal. 

It was what was left of her. Of them. Of everything she used to have.

“My wildest dreams were you and I

kissing on an alley nearby

Honestly speaking with our tongues

Holding me like I was all you have...”

She wanted us to be free yet I refused because of fear. But why was I fearful then when I had her? Why was I looking for reasons to be ready when was there with me?

Fucking stupid.

“Jen,” she blurted as if her ex-girlfriend was standing in front of her. “Out of all the days, today is the most difficult. You’re everywhere but never with me.”

She bit her inner cheek, her lips quivering as she slowly let out her thoughts. “I hate to admit it, but I miss you. I miss every bit of you.”

She remembered their late night walks in KTown, the quiet afternoons they spent on the couch reading fiction books, the weekend shopping sprees, the burnt pancakes Jennie cooked, the ring Jennie showed her before she packed her things and many more. 

She could barely keep up. There was much to remember in one sitting and an unbearable amount of pain those memories weigh is something she cannot handle.

“You were supposed to ask me to marry you...” her voice cracked as a tear fell down her eye. “But you thought we weren’t going anywhere because I wasn’t brave enough to face the world with you.”

She buried her fist into her thigh. “I’m such a fool for letting you walk away and for not trying to get you back.”

“Even if I want to tell you I love you now, I will choose not to because I don’t deserve you. It was right of you to leave. It was the best decision you could have made at that moment.”

“I was wasting your time. I was leading you nowhere. I kept dismissing your wishes and was firm about my decision.”

Lisa exhaled audibly as more tears fall down her face. “I will have to settle with the memories I have of you and this journal you forgot to bring with you on your last night here.”

She shut her eyes, “It’s so unfortunate that I couldn’t let you go like how you’re letting go of me now.”

“But it’s okay. It has to happen anyway—for you I mean.” 

“If one day your promises with your lover should break, I hope you come back to me.”

Lisa entered her unit and closed the sliding door behind her. 

If that day comes, I will be waiting. 

[jenliliscripts]

Home This Christmas

"Lisa, babe, can you check the muffins in the oven? I'm still busy cleaning," Jennie yells from the living room.

"Mmmm! Just a sec!" Lisa responds in a high pitched voice then scurries to the kitchen.

"Baaaaaaaabe, how long did you leave this here? I might ruin this if I keep pricking it."

"20 minutes I think?"

"Alrighty! I'll take it from here. Go do your thing. I got this."

"Thanks, babe!" Jennie answered, her body feeling warm right after sweetly addressing Lisa.

It hasn't been a smooth ride for the two of them, especially when they had gone past the early stages of their relationship. Day by day, as they discovered their differences, fights ensued. The situation got worse when they moved into one apartment. Lisa had to pack her bags in the middle of the night a couple of times over the years. In those occasions, her clothes were already scattered on the floor outside their door with a large duffel bag on top of the pile.

Jennie's patience for Lisa continued to dwindle after every broken promise so her first reaction whenever Lisa fails to keep her word is to kick her out of the apartment. It used to be a huge issue whenever Jennie does this. So much drama and screaming. They've been reported by their neighbors because of all the shouting which led to them being called to the office by the management. Of course they were embarrassed, but that didn't stop them from fighting over the pettiest things. But they've always made up one way or another. They always find their way back to each other.

They've only gotten back together a few weeks ago and Jennie immediately noticed the changes in Lisa's behavior and because of that, she was a bit more patient whenever her girlfriend messed up. She used to pick on Lisa for the smallest things she did wrong just because she suddenly remembered the taller girl's lapses a long time ago. Now, she stops herself before she could say something unpleasant. It's what usually starts their arguments—Jennie's nagging. Lisa could take one round of it but eventually loses her cool once Jennie repeats herself as if she hasn't heard enough of her issues.

Flashback

"Babe, can you put your foot down. It's called a table for a reason," Jennie scolds her as soon as she got out of their room.

Lisa rolled her eyes and reluctantly obliged. "Happy?"

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"No," she lied and continued to skim through the selection of movies on the screen.

"Yes, you did," Jennie raised her tone. Lisa has always found this vexing yet she never spoke about it.

"And so if I did? What are you going to do about? Whine?"

Jennie clenched her jaw, the veins on her neck becoming prominent. "Can't you just do something without parading your attitude?"

Lisa shrugged, her eyes boring into her girlfriend's face. "That's if you stop fretting over the tiniest things like we're going to die if I don't put down my goddamn foot down from the table."

Lisa's tone was pretty much monotonous yet Jennie perceived her nonchalance as a mockery. "Don't start with me, Lisa. You're the reason why I'm being like this."

She scoffed, leaning back and linked her fingers behind her head. "Yeah? I'm always the bad one in this house. I was never right. Go ahead. Blame me all you want. I'm used to it."

"So all this time you haven't reflected on your shortcomings? My fucking God. Grow up."

Lisa shuts her eyes then pressed her lips into a hard line. "What do you want me to do, Jen? Kneel in front of you and worship you day and night for all the plans I ruined? Should I cry you a river for forgetting to greet your mom on her birthday and for all the instances that I let you down? Is that what you want?"

"Stupid! Stupid!" Jennie shrieked, her eyes turning dark.

Here we go again, Lisa thought.

She stood up and marched to their room, but before she could walk past her girlfriend, her arm was yanked. "What? You're done yet? I'm already getting out of your way. Can't you see?"

"We're not through." Jennie's voice was shaking. She was trying to act tough even though she was the type to cry in these situations.

"What's your concern this time? I'm sorry for whatever it is. Now can I go?"

Lisa was tired of it. They were fighting everyday. They slept with their backs turned against each other. They was more anger than love between them. These moments made her think of just ending it. It would be easier that way. She doesn't have to deal with Jennie's loud mouth and she could do anything she wants like take her clothes off as soon as she enters the apartment and leave it there until she decides to pick it up or leave the dishes unwashed until the next morning. With Jennie, she has to police herself 24/7. It's driving her crazy.

Jennie's tears were starting to fall from her eyes, but swiftly wipes them away. "If you're gonna continue being like this, maybe we should just break up."

"What do you mean?"

"Just you being you doesn’t really help our case."

"What's wrong about being me now? Jesus Christ, Jennie Kim."

"We clearly have so many differences. We tried working it out and we couldn't find a middle ground. I hate you for being a slob. You hate me for being a perfectionist. You don't like following orders, while I can't stand it whenever you stray away from my instruction."

Lisa strokes her hair with her fingers as she inhaled deeply. "Jennie, I'm not your slave. I'm your girlfriend."

Jennie fell silent. "I've been silent all this time, but I think you don't find anything wrong about yourself when it's pretty obvious that there is. We're both flawed. It's not just me. Maybe look at yourself once in a while."

Lisa takes her arm and stormed off to their room. She plopped to the bed and stared at the ceiling thinking about her relationship with Jennie. Are they beyond saving? Are they going to crash and burn at the very end like how she had feared the moment she settled into the relationship? Their friends got married in succession and they're the only remaining couple who hasn't tied the knot. They've avoided the topic as much as they could so whenever their friends would open up about it, they would laugh it off and dismiss them. Jennie is aware of her hesitation, however, the reasons she confessed to her were lies. Lisa made up her mind long before and even bought a ring. She was ready to propose, but their fights started to get worse from that point so she decided to postpone it as long as she could.

Now she's just going through the motions, showing Jennie that she doesn't have a plan in taking their relationship to the next level. It may be one of the reasons why Jennie is being so uptight or maybe it's because she's forgetful and irresponsible. Either way, Jennie seems to dislike her more than she loves her.

Lisa fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later. She couldn't help it no matter how hard she tried. The bed is undeniably her weakness. Upon realizing that she dozed off, she jolted awake. It was pitch black and eerily quiet. She couldn't hear the clanking in the kitchen or the music playing from the speakers. She checked the time on her phone and it read 6:08 PM. She frantically jumped out of bed and dashed out only to find the small light in the living room turned on.

"Jen?" she called, her eyes scanning the vicinity. "Babe?"

Their friends would be arriving soon for Christmas dinner and Jennie's not the one to be gone an hour before a scheduled event. It's not yet sinking into her, but the thought crossed her mind when Jennie wasn't responding.

"No, no. She wouldn't do that," Lisa mumbled to herself as she walked back to the room.

The only way to know was to check the closet for Jennie's things. She stood in front of it for a full minute, gathering enough courage to open it. "Jennie wouldn't leave this apartment. I'm the one being kicked out here."

She closed her eyes and carefully pulled the handle. "I know her things are here. They should be."

Her heart sank at the sight of an empty closet. It was wiped clean. There was no message or call. Not even a note saying where she went. Lisa was frightened. She doesn't know where to find Jennie. She hasn't done this before. Her fingers were shaking when she picked up her phone and called her, but she was sent straight to voicemail.

"Fuck, Jennie. You're not doing this. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

She bombarded her with messages after many failed attempts in contacting her. She called everyone they knew but they have no idea where Jennie is. The last message they received from her said that dinner's cancelled.

And Jennie did disappear that night without a trace and it left Lisa in complete disarray. It's like her life stopped in an instant, without warning. She wasn't ready for her departure, she will never be so she set her mind into finding her. She is adamant in taking her back.

But it was almost a year since the day she left and she still couldn't find her. Lisa was becoming hopeless and was about to give up, however, Jennie magically appeared in her front door on the first of December.

Lisa opened the door mindlessly, thinking that the person on the other side was the pizza delivery guy. Her arm was already extended, ready to hand the crumpled bills she's holding. "It's 18 dollars, right—"

"Hey," Jennie cuts her off, a shy smile plastered on her face. Her hair was tied into a messy bun and she was wearing the pink sweater I gave her. The suitcase she that stood beside her was half her height and the backpack she was carrying hung loosely on her back.

Lisa stared at her, jaw hanging open, still in a state of shock. Jennie didn't seem real. It felt like a dream. "Jen, is that really you?"

She chuckled. "Yes, it's me."

Lisa snapped out of her reverie and quickly took Jennie's suitcase from her hands. "Come in, come in."

"Am I still allowed in here? Is this still our apartment?"

Lisa's expression softened, her heart swelling with joy as Jennie's arrival finally dawned into her. She is back. There's no more waiting and the search is over. She grabbed Jennie's waist and pulled her into a kiss. She missed it—how her lips felt, how her hair smells, everything.

"I missed you so much, Jen. I'm sorry for everything. I wouldn't be able to list them all down but I've realized my mistakes and I'm going to do better. This time I mean it."

Jennie cupped Lisa's cheek and smiled warmly. "I was wrong too, you know. You were right. We're both flawed. I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I was actually a bit unsure if I should ring the doorbell. I thought you went on with your life after I disappeared."

I shook my head. "I couldn't see myself with someone else, Jen. You are where all my roads end."

Jennie cheeks were instantly painted red after hearing that heartfelt statement from Lisa. She isn't the expressive one between them yet she unhesitatingly declared her feelings. "I love you, Jen. And I'm so happy that you're home."

End of flashback

Lisa went behind Jennie and slid her arms around her waist, before lowering her head to kiss the crook of Jennie's neck. The smaller girl was startled, her body jerking as soon as she felt Lisa's lips touch her skin. "It's just me, babe."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to this version of you. I think it will take time."

"I'll do this more often. I'll drown you with affection if I must. Agh, I love you so much. I really really love you."

Jennie twirled and faced her, prompting Lisa to loosen her grip. Jennie balled her fist into the collar of Lisa's shirt then tugged her forward, and planted tender kisses on her cheeks before capturing her lips. Jennie moved skillfully, causing fireworks to erupt in Lisa's stomach and the hairs of the back of her neck stand.

They were both catching their breaths when they broke away and a smile etched on their faces as they stared into each other's eyes. "And I love you too, my Lili."

Lisa subtly fished for the ring in her pocket. "Tell you what, let's do something we can brag about later at dinner."

Jennie tilted her head to the side and shot her girlfriend a questioning look. "Like?"

Lisa took a step back and showed the ring, eliciting a gasp from Jennie. "Lisa…"

"Marry me?"

Jennie couldn't utter a single word. She was caught off guard. The idea of marriage already left her mind a long time ago but here's Lisa shattering all her expectations again. She has indeed changed. She was no longer the person she left a year ago.

"Pretty please?"

Jennie nodded repeatedly and raised her hand so that Lisa can insert the ring into her finger.

"Merry Christmas, babe," Lisa whispered into her ear.

"And more to celebrate with you," Jennie responded before kissing Lisa again.

[jenliliscripts]

Chapter 219

June’s POV

The ride to her apartment was awfully quiet, too quiet that it's already frightening. How do I begin telling her? Should I thank her for a night filled with warmth and intimacy, for creating an imaginary world for me? And another thought crossed my mind—should it remain a fantasy when I could make it a reality before this ends?

The soft whirring of the engine resonated within corners of my car as I pulled over in front of her building. I parted my lips, desperate to break the silence that hung over us, yet nothing came out. Another minute had passed and not a word was said.

"Lia"

"June"

We said in unison, looking at each other with uncertainty. I couldn't read her eyes—they're expressing different emotions at once that I couldn't pinpoint which one she's feeling right now. Is it sadness? Pity? Regret?

"You go first," she prompted, soothing her arm then turned away.

I cleared my throat, mustering all the courage I have before speaking. "Thank you for today, Lia. For being someone else for a night."

"It's nothing. You paid a lot for this," she answered, breathing the words out.

"…for laughing at my silly jokes. For answering every question I threw honestly. For chasing me outside the ice cream shop. For holding my hand every chance you could. For not letting go until we needed to."

Dipping her head down, she began playing with fingers. "Why are you saying all of that? You don't need to list  everything down."

"I just want you to hear it."

Silence.

Where do I go from here? How do I let her know?

"Lia I—"

"Thank you for tonight too. It was a long week and I've been having a rough patch myself. I guess this is somehow my escape from the issues I was dealing with."

She collected her purse, glancing at me again before she pulled the handle. "I'll go inside now, okay? You know what comes after this."

Divorce, my mind whispered.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, digging my nails onto my palms. There are so many things left unsaid. Can we talk about the way you look at me? The way your eyes showed affection after pushing me away not so long ago? Like you wanted me to stay, like you wanted me to fight for whatever this is. Can we talk about the way you hold me? How tender your touch is against my skin? Am I the only one feeling it? And how can I forget about the kiss? The goddamn kiss. The way you gasped as I claimed your lips. The way every calculated move had you pulling my shirt, how it crumpled around your fingers as we got lost in the moment. If I hadn't stopped, where could we have ended? What will you make of us then?

Questions ceaselessly flooded my mind and despite that, I only managed to nod, letting my thoughts dangle at the tip of my tongue.

"Good night, June."

"Good night, Lia."

She stepped out, walking to the entrance slowly. I watched her shiver as the wind whipped past her. Should I let her go like this—admit defeat before the battle even started? Fuck it. I've seen enough to believe that she feels the same. She just needs a wake up call and I'm giving it to her now. If shit happens, then shit happens. It's all or nothing.

I frantically climbed down, jogging behind her. I snagged her wrist, her head quickly turning to me. I immediately released it and took a step back. "Lia. I have to tell you something."

Her expression shifted, fear washing over her in an instant. It seemed like she knew what I was going to say and that made her want to run away yet her feet were glued to the ground. "J-june, whatever that is, keep it to yourself."

"I—"

"No. Stop. I don't want to hear it."

"So you know?"

"I don't know anything. I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't want to know."

Lie. Your eyes say otherwise.

"I don't care if you refuse to hear it, Lia. I'm going to say it regardless." I exhaled audibly. The dreaded moment has come and I have no other choice but to go through it. "I love you, Lia."

She stumbled backwards, unable to respond to my confession. "I loved you for a while now and I wasn't sure if I should tell you because I know it will change everything. I was going to last time, but you said you're seeing Tyler again, so I decided not to. I was discouraged after knowing that, to be honest. I was almost convinced that I didn't have a chance."

My lips curled up to a smile as I look at her lovingly. Although she's evidently horrified by the revelation, I still looked at her with so much adoration. "But I thought again. How could I even have a chance at getting you if I don't tell you how I feel? At some point, you might have been confused. Your head must have been all over the place."

"No, I wasn't confused," she retorted, her brows meeting in the middle. "You're making things up."

"Lia, don't run away. I know you feel the same. Tell me I'm wrong. You can't deny these assumptions after everything that had happened. You, holding my hand, visiting me at home when I was sick—"

"I don't, okay!" she exclaimed, cutting me off, her face turning red as exploded in anger. "Stop twisting things. I don't like you that way. I never did, I never will."

Her words hurt—they're tearing every piece of my heart—and I felt helpless. But I have to keep going. I will not go home until I convince her to leave him for me. I'm sure she's only enraged at the fact that I'm right, that she wants me as much I want her—that she has fallen in love with a girl.

"Then why did you kiss me that night? If that was just an empty gesture, I would have known. I've kissed so many people Lia and no one has ever done it like you did. Not even Bailey who clearly liked me for quite some time." I moved closer to her. "Look, the more you try to hide it, the harder it gets. Fall for me. Fearlessly. Head first."

She was clenching her jaw, her eyes turning glassy. Her breathing was shallow and labored. "I would never, June. Everything about you scares me. I mean everything—your status, your family, your job, your history, the world you are in. I'm scared that being associated with you in any way could potentially destroy everything that I've worked hard for. A week ago, I committed a mistake at work all because I was too occupied thinking what I did wrong for you to act in such a cold way and I couldn't fully understand why I'm so concerned. For the love the of God, why should I care, right? I was out of myself and it didn't sit well with me. From that point on, I had to re-assess, June. I can't let you do this to me."

She sighed, biting her lip for a moment. "You're just going to make things harder for me. I was fine without you. I was completely okay until I woke up in your hotel room and you told me I got married to you. What followed after that were a series of unexpected turns that I wasn’t ready for. I don't need something new. I want what I already know and you—you're just too unpredictable and it's terrifying."

I remained quiet, not sure of what to say. I'm afraid that one wrong answer would serve as the final straw.

She shut her eyes, a line forming in between her brows as her frown grew deeper. "Our relationship is so unclear to me that I started to think of things that I shouldn't be. I didn't like those thoughts, June. Those possibilities and what ifs keep me up at night and as much as I want to deal with them, I'd rather push them away."

Lia avoided my gaze, blinking rapidly to keep her tears from falling. "It was nice playing pretend with you. It was nice that I could hold your hand and not think of the consequences. It was good that I could make up excuses when I become soft for you. We're two people who were fated to meet and that's all there is to it. Somewhere along the way, we need to say goodbye. We live in different worlds. You, of all people, should know that."

Before I realized it, tears started falling from my eyes. I've held them long enough and now they're crashing down one after another. "We don't have to end it. We can still go on. If you just trust me, we can make it work. I'll do everything to make it work."

I wiped my tears from my face but it was useless. My eyes became a flowing stream and the situation isn't helping at all. "You don't have to be scared about anything. Just give me something to hold on to and I'll do everything in my power to protect us. Tell me you love me too, Lia."

She shook her head, a lone tear escaping her eyes. "I don’t. How many times should I repeat myself? Allowing you to come close was a mistake. I should've kept you in a safe distance. I should’ve hated you until the very end.”

"If you can't tell me you love me, then," I cupped her cheek. She briefly recoiled against my touch, but she eventually gave in and let me keep my hand in place. "Can you answer this truthfully please? Do you love him?"

She held the hand that's latched on her face. "Don’t make it difficult for yourself, June. Just go. Leave."

"But I love you. How can I? I can't just stop here. I'll go against him if I have to. Do I need to beg you to choose me?"

She squeezed my shoulders with her other hand then moved towards me, resting her forehead on my chest. "June, what I want you to do is set me free. I need my old self back. I don’t like who I'm becoming because of you. If you really love me, you'd let me go."

"Even if you love me too?"

"I never said I did."

"You don’t need to. From what you said earlier and what I see in your eyes, I know you love me too. I get that your future is at stake. I get that you don't like exploring the unknown—you're not a risk taker. You never were. You always come back to what brings you comfort. But you're making the situation more complicated than it really is just because you don't want to admit the truth. We can easily sort this out, you know."

"June, please," she pleaded, sobbing softly as she banged her head against my chest.

I slowly reached for her nape with one hand and slipped the other behind her back, then pulled her in, her face now pressed against my chest. My lungs burned at every intake of breath and my heart was slowly sinking as time ticked away. "Shhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I continued apologizing, stroking her back until she stopped crying. "If I disappear from your life, will it make everything better?"

I felt her nod and I drown further in the waves of pain brought by her response. "And you won't regret your decision?"

She shook her head, her fingers clutching the hem of my jacket. Her actions were always contradicting from the very beginning and even now that we are nearing the end, she's still behaving in the same manner. She wants me to go yet her hands says something different. She said she doesn't love me yet there was a hint of sadness in her eyes whenever she denied it.

I breathed out before loosening my embrace. I leaned slightly backwards to get a good look at her face. I tipped her chin up and looked at her lovingly, as if it was the last time I could be this close and maybe this is really the last. "Are you sure?"

She sniffed, her eyes unrelenting. "Yes, I am."

I flashed a somber smile as I tucked the strands of hair on her face behind her ear then planted a soft kiss on her forehead. "Okay, then. I will do as you wish, Lili."

I retreated and stood at arm's length. "I'm still glad I got to tell you. At least I won't walk away with regrets. I respect your decision and because I love you, it's enough reason to listen to you. You know I normally wouldn’t accept rejection, but many things changed since I felt this way for you. I've completely lost the old me and I'm happy with who I am now. I even like myself better. How I wish you share the same sentiment, but as you said earlier, you don't like who you are becoming because of me and that's just so sad. Nevertheless…"

I inhaled deeply, bracing myself for the pain that's about to crush me after I say these words to her. "I will live as if we hadn't met. If I see you somewhere, maybe in your office, I will walk past you like I never knew you. I will be out of your life from here on out, Lia. You’re free from me."

[jenliliscripts]

Chapter 218

June’s POV

I prepared extra sets of clothes for us two since we're going to be out walking in the streets. It's better to be ready for anything. I know Jamie's going to come through with my request, but I can’t be complacent. I took the paper bag from the back and handed it to Lia.

"Here," I glanced at her. "Change into my clothes later before we go inside the ice cream parlor. I will too, after you. I just want to be careful. I don't want us to be in every news article tomorrow."

She tugged my arm towards her, then leaned on my shoulder. I instinctively drew closer, letting the side of my head rest on top of hers and began driving. It's a bit challenging to drive in this position, but I didn't want to break loose from her hold. It's just too comfortable, too warm—it's where I want to be.

"Junie…" her soft voice filling the void.

"Hmm?"

"If you could change something in your life, what would it be?"

The question caused me pause and think. The thought never crossed my mind because I was too caught up in my own bubble, stepping into my early 20s without a clear plan in mind, not taking the time to reflect on my past decisions. I used to say I knew what I wanted but they turned out to be empty words. I was chasing after temporary goals that would leave me unsatisfied after I've come to grasp them. I obviously didn't know what I wanted until I admitted that I'm in love with her. Loving her is the most certain thing I have ever felt in my entire life so if I could change anything in my life, I would want to meet her earlier.

"I wish I met you earlier, Lia," I said plainly.

"Why? That's so strange. There are many things you could change, but why that?"

"Ever since you came, life isn’t as dull as it was for me. How about you?"

She placed her other hand on top of our intertwined fingers. "I wish I wasn't afraid to explore the unknown. I wish I would just dive into things head first. Maybe I wouldn't be having a hard time sorting out some matters in my life."

"You know, that's what you told me that night."

Just like that, memories from that fateful night in Vegas flashed before my eyes. I could vividly remember everything that had happened despite my drunken state. Lia isn't really as much of a good drinker like me so she got wasted earlier than I did. I asked her questions that popped into my mind to keep the conversation going and prevent her from leaving. Looking back at it now, I think the real reason why I started latching onto her wasn't just because of wounded ego, but I was also smitten by her from the very beginning and I was quite late at acknowledging that.

Flashback: June 2019 at Las Vegas (June's POV)

She's onto her nth glass of vodka and she couldn't be stopped. I've already reprimanded her for being stubborn. Gosh, I don't want to carry her to her hotel room if she ends up passing out in here.

"Hey, J-june Tay…" she sighed rather audibly, visibly exasperated, probably because she has repeatedly failed to speak in coherent sentences. "June Taylor. Yes. Right that's your name."

"Yes, Miss Kim? You have any problem?"

She shook her head vigorously as she waved her hand. "No, no, no. Though I'm really frustrated with myself."

"For what reason may I ask?"

She pressed her index finger against her chest. "I always run back to my comfort zone when push comes to shove. I'm a competent person, but when shit hits the fan, I hide. I go back to the people and things that give me security."

"Isn't that normal? I think everyone has done that at some point in their life."

She closed her eyes, pouting her lips, showing her disagreement towards my answer. "I hate being a coward. I hate that I have to gather every bit of my strength to stop myself from getting back with my ex. It's tiring. But he feels familiar and he's all I know and I'm afraid he's all I'll ever know."

"He won't be the last, Lia," I told her, causing her eyes to open. She looked at me, bewildered because of my bold claim. "You'll meet more people along the way. Don't be scared of being alone. Actually, I think being alone is the best thing in the world. You get to do everything you want to do—fool around and not feel guilty after doing so."

"Ah! I don’t like being alone! Period!"

"Okay, fine. You don't like it. I respect that."

Squinting her eyes, she moved her face towards me. "You seem like a person who takes a lot of risks and hmm—a thrill seeker? Am I right?"

"I guess you could say that. Why?"

"I want to know—what's the most dangerous thing you've ever done?"

Her voice was noticeably sultry. Whether or not she had intended that, I am piqued by the sudden change in demeanor. I decided to ride along. "Having you here while you're drunk."

She smiled appeared on her lips, a mischievous one, exciting me further. "Why? Is there anything you want to do to me?"

I drew my face closer to her, straight up challenging her. She didn't flinch though, which is impressive if you ask me. My vision is a bit clouded, yet I didn't miss how her eyes sparkled as she fought off my stare. "I can do a lot of things to you right now. I'm just choosing not to."

She reached for my collar and tugged me towards her. Our faces were inches apart, the smell of vodka invading my nostrils as she breathed on my face. "How about we do something crazy? Help me break free from myself, will you?"

"How may I help you with that?"

"Marry me."

End of flashback

And I did marry her. Did I think it through? Nope. I immediately told her we should go to a private chapel and do it. As opposed to her reaction, I was exhilarated the morning after. But that time, my reasons were shallow. I saw Lia like some trophy that I could show my mom because she's so obsessed with marriage. Yeah, it was so immature of me. But now that feelings are involved, I'm genuinely happy by the fact that she is mine—at least on paper for now. It's impossible for her to find someone else while she's married to me. She'd think twice about going back to Tyler more so unless I file for divorce.

I haven't had the chance to ask the reason why marriage was her solution to the problem. Well, how could I ask when she couldn't even remember getting married?

Is it to prove that she can go on without Tyler or is it because she just wanted to do something she wouldn't imagine herself doing—marrying a girl? Maybe she wanted to defy her ideals and did something reckless, you know? There are quite a lot of reasons I could think of yet they remain as thoughts I won't be able to confirm.

"I haven't asked you in detail about what transpired that night," Lia said, momentarily glancing up at me before returning to her original position. "Who came up with the idea?"

"You," I answered, chuckling.

"I did?" Her voice resounded in the car, shock written all over her face.

"Yeah, Lia. It was you," I affirmed as I turned to the right. "You said you wanted to break free from yourself and suggested that marrying me was the way to achieve that."

She face palmed then made a loud squeaking sound, causing me to laugh. "I can't believe it. All along I thought you tricked me into it."

"The last thing I'll ever do is to deceive someone. I've told you before, I only lie when I have to."

"But how can you agree to an absurd idea? You should have stopped me."

"I kinda wanted it too even if it was very impulsive decision…" I confessed, my voice fading into the thin air.

"Wanted what? The marriage?"

"Yeah. And you. I wanted you."

She scoffed, completely in disbelief. "Me? Like you wanted to sleep with me or?"

"If I'm being honest, yeah. I wanted to sleep with you. But I realized something else a few months after. I didn't agree to marry you just because I wanted to get into your pants."

"Then what else?"

Does she really not know? I have never been good at hiding yet she couldn't see through my actions. Is she refusing to see and denying what's obvious?

"Later. We're here."

--

"Hi, uhm can I get a large cup of vanilla ice cream please and—" I looked over my shoulder. "Lili, do you want any toppings?"

"Nope," she replied, popping the 'p'. She was adorably bobbing her head to the music.

Turning back to the lady, I saw her jaw hanging slightly open. "A-are you June Taylor?"

I winked then pressed my index finger against my lips. "That will be our secret. Can you keep it for me?"

She nodded a few times then cleared her throat. "What else may I get you?"

"A cup of that cookie dough with chocolate sprinkles please."

"Is that girl your girl—" the lady cut herself off, realizing that she's overstepping. "I'm sorry."

A smile spread across my face as the thought came up. "She will be soon. I think I have a good shot at it."

"I'll keep that to myself. Yes, a cup of vanilla ice cream and one cookie dough with chocolate sprinkles coming right up, ma'am."

I served the ice cream then sat across Lia. "Here you go. Plain vanilla ice cream for you."

She grinned, snatching the cup from the tray then took a big scoop. As the ice cream melted in her mouth, she groaned in satisfaction. "Mmm, my favorite. I would never get tired of eating this."

Watching her from my seat, I also began eating my ice cream. Later on, I got a playful idea and just went with it. I stuck my finger into my cup and dabbed some on Lia's face. Her eyes widened, surprised by the rush of coldness that came into contact with her skin. "Hey!"

I pushed my chair back and dashed outside with my cup in hand. She followed me out, screaming at me while she took quick steps to catch up to me. "I'm competitive! I'll get back at you, June!"

My lungs were burning, but I was over the moon. Everything that has happened tonight is so liberating that I'm actually starting to believe we're different people, that this could go on forever. Am I selfish for wanting this so bad? For wanting Lia? And for possibly leaving her with no choice but to stay with me? I'm only holding on to a sliver of hope that she feels the same. However, the way she's acting tonight reinforces my belief that our feelings are mutual.

She disrupted my train of thoughts, jumping at me from behind, engulfing me in her arms. We were on the sidewalk, people walking past us like were nobodies. It felt great. It felt real. I wanted to stay in this moment for as long as I could. I don't want to take her home and deal with reality because I've made up my mind—I'm telling her the truth.

She forced me to turn around and smeared ice cream on my nose. "Now we're even."

I heaved and along with the heavy intakes of breath was the loud beating of my heart. Her other arm was still hooked around my back while I'm looking down at her, my eyes locked at her lips. I'm trying my very best not to kiss her here, but my mind couldn't go against my instincts. I leaned towards her and slowly closed my eyes, only to be stopped by the buzzing of my phone. Lia broke away, quickly retreating and avoided my gaze. I sighed, utterly disappointed by the ruined moment. It's Jamie's so I have no choice but to take the call.

"Yes Jay?"

"You have to go home now, June. Information got leaked. They know you're out. Not with Lia though. They just know you're wandering in the city. It won't be long until they find you."

"Got it. Thank you, Jay."

I terminated the call then turned to Lia. "I have to take you home now. It seems that the media has finally caught up."

[jenliliscripts]

Chapter 217

June’s POV

I honked softly, letting Lia know that I'm outside. A few moments later, she rushed out of her door, throwing her poise away as she ran to the passenger side. She climbed in, frantically fixing the ends of her hair.

"Have you been waiting?" she inquired while checking her face using her front camera.

I observed her from my seat, not wasting the chance to look at her. She looked gorgeous in her black long sleeved dress. It definitely complements her striking features, giving her a more fierce look. "No, I just got here."

"Sorry. I can't pick what to wear. I couldn't find anything good in the shops that I went to earlier today—"

"You look fine. Stop worrying."

I reached for her hand in attempt to calm her down. She flinched as soon as my fingers grazed her skin, her eyes instantly darting towards me. I expected her to withdraw her hand, but instead inserted  her fingers in between the spaces, locking our hands together. "We're different people, remember? We can be whoever we want to be. We can do whatever we want."

So has she been wanting to do this? Hold my hand, I mean. The question fades into the back of my mind.

I knew better not to voice out my questions. I just have to enjoy the night and deal with everything later. For now, I must keep my mind clear.

I nodded lightly. "Yes, we are. For today, we can be."

Our hands were clasped as I drove to the restaurant. I occasionally stole glances while she was quietly sucked in by her thoughts. I broke the silence and began asking her about her day to which she answered as if she was a completely different person as we had agreed and I followed suit when she fired the questions back to me.

Although this is all an act, some stupid condition I made, I still like the idea because for a short time, we can momentarily forget that we're in a muddled situation. There are a couple of things we need to iron out, but I shall set that aside for now. I just really want the old Lia tonight—the caring and thoughtful Lia, the Lia that would say that she hates me but looks at me with utter tenderness.

"Music?" I suggested, stroking her thumb in a steady rhythm

"Yes, please. It's a need. Mild traffic up ahead according to your navigation app."

I let go of her then pressed the play button on my steering wheel. I looked over to her side in search for her hand and Lia was quick to recognize it, extending her arm to take mine. She carefully laced them together, earning a smile from me.  

"I know what you're looking for," she declared rather proudly, her fingers playfully tapping the back of my hand.

"I want to go to another place after dinner. Can I take you with me?" I asked, biting my lip right after. "It's okay if you don't—"

"Sure. Let's go. You can have me all night, Junie."

Junie. Ah, hearing her say it endearingly, melts my heart. It's a golden melody.

Silence followed, only the soft music from the speakers can be heard. My palm got sweaty from holding her hand. I was going to take it back so I can wipe off the sweat but she clutched it tighter. "Don't. Until the end of the night, you're not allowed to let go."

With those simple words, my heart started hammering in my chest. Oh, Lia. What have you done to me? I am subdued by this overwhelming amount of love I have for you. I smiled convincingly, making it seem like I don't feel uneasy—as if my insides aren't uncomfortably twisting.

"I like that," I replied in an amused tone. "I certainly approve of that."

Not long after, we reached our destination. I got down of the car first and Lia followed suit. Jamie and I had already planned the entire night so it's safe to be seen in public. I met her on the other side and instinctively intertwined our fingers. She looked at me, a puzzled expression on her face.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "It's okay. It's all been arranged. There's won't be news about this tomorrow. I can hold your hand as much as I want to."

Leading her in, she squeezed my hand upon seeing the place packed with people. "Aren't they going to—"

"They don't mind. We are sitting with elites. They only care about themselves," I tugged her forward. "We're trying to be normal and it would defeat the purpose if I bought out the whole restaurant tonight."

"Right. I'm trust you on this. Let's go."

We were guided to our table on the far corner. We didn't waste time and scanned the menu. "I suggest you make room for dessert."

"Okay, but there's no dessert on the courses here."

I put down the menu, tilting my head to the side. "We're not eating it here."

"Then where?"

"In an ice cream parlor in downtown Manhattan."

We placed in our orders and patiently waited for the food to be served. As we did, I asked her what others would consider trivial questions, but for me, those are the facts about her that I would love to know.

"Favorite ice cream flavor?" I inquired randomly, earning a frown from her.

"Vanilla. Is this like a fast talk?"

"Yes. Just answer. You can ask me anything too."

"Hatest childhood memory?" she asked.

"Oh that's a good one." My eyes wandered for a brief moment. "Ah! When my mom wanted to send me abroad for school. We fought everyday because I would break my luggage and throw out the the things inside so they'd have to pack my clothes again."

"That's intense. You're really a troublemaker, aren't you?"

I puffed my chest, flashing a proud smile. "That's what you call fighting for what you want. Yours?"

"When I crashed my bike when I was riding down a steep road. I got all sorts of scratches and I broke my wrist. I never rode one since that day."

"You're accident prone, huh? Last time you almost sprained your ankle. Unbelievable. You should be treated like a fragile object."

"Psh." Her face turned smug. "I don’t need extra care. I'm fine on my own."

As our conversation went on, we finally warmed up to each other, and it felt like the two of us from months ago. Bickering, laughing in between, and then the cycle repeats. I'd like to believe we both forgot that there we had unspoken issues. Dinner proceeded smoothly, thank God. If it had went the other way, I would have to suffer more sleepless night thinking of what went wrong.

Lia stood up after I paid for the bill, but I asked her sit for a while. "Why? Is there a problem?"

"Can I take a picture of you?"

Her brows met in the middle, confused by the unusual request. "You don't ask. You just take it. Go."

I pouted, trying to act cute. "Of all the photos I have of you, you only smiled once."

She groaned, throwing her head back. I, on the other hand fished for my phone from my purse and waited for her to tell me she's ready. She propped her elbows on the table, then cupped her cheeks with her palms. "How do I do this?"

I snapped a photo of the most breathtaking sight that's sitting right in front of me. She wasn't doing anything yet I am completely smitten by her beauty. When I thought I couldn't fall deeper in love, I was proven wrong. Lia Kim, you're taking everything that I have without even trying. I love you. I love you and I can't keep my feelings at bay. I want to tell you everything. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay that you’re not mine.

"June?" she called my name and I immediately diverted my attention to her.

"You ready?"

She didn't answer and instead tilted her head to the side. She smiled, showing her teeth and I did too. "Perfect. That's beautiful, Lia."

She fixed her posture, her smile fading soon after. "Can we get ice cream now?"

"Of course. Let's go."