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[jennaalexandra]

Coffee cake & rice crispy treats!

Right after coaching these yummy treats welcomed me in the staff room.

Yum!!! I don’t try these very often. I have permission to eat. Will these feel good? I felt more anxious that I would have liked. But still tried it anyways. Got into as calm state. I had some bites, it was yummy. Thought about having more but decided first to pause and take a break until my nerves from working out calmed down too!

5 mins later I could taste the after taste, feel the sugar in my stomach... and it honestly did sound as good!!

Food is neutral. My body is craving health and substance now ☺️

[jennaalexandra]

What would you do if you were free from food and body thoughts?

Imagine your life. What would your interests be? Your hobbies? How would life be different?

Please, take a moment. You deserve this time to reflect on YOU. Give this gift to yourself.

Open a note on your phone or write it down in a journal. Or, just close your eyes and imagine this for 30 seconds, if that feels good, try 60,90 or more!

What did you come up with? What did you imagine for you? How did you show up? For not only yourself but others? How did you feel? How did others feel about you?

I’m so glad you envisioned all of this, because this IS YOU.

If food and body worries are in your way, imagine peeling these layers back one by one like an onion and becoming the real you that you desire.

I was there. I held back. I wasn’t present. I was food obsessed. I didn’t know it, I thought it was normal!!! Until I learned how to transform my relationship with food and self, I wasn’t living as fully as I am now.

It is my mission to help people find themselves outside of food and to develop a healthy, pleasurable and fulfilling relationship with both food and themselves.

Join me as we finally feel free!

[jennaalexandra]

So today has been more challenging with food. Which is great bc I am able to get feedback from my body, check in with my goals/values, and use this information to help guide future decisions. I often ten to do the following:

1. Guilt myself for feeling full or sick, rest in guilt. Instead now, gently ask my body for feedback and thank her for it! She’s so smart and has my best interest,

2. Feel guilt/wreck less with $. Now, I can reassess my values and see what is worth spending my $ on. Was the ice cream or gingerbread with it? Not really as my other “primary foods” (aka, hobbies, interests, values the real things that bring me joy and that I will remember on my deathbed matter more, feeling so comfortable in my body that I can truly be present with those I love). I value owning a home someday too!! More than cake & ice cream ha.

3. Feel like shit that I will feel to full at dinner or the pressure to eat something healthy, But, I don’t have to eat dinner. I can relieve myself of pressure wand allow my body to decide!!

4. Feel like shit then then to food again to not feel like shit (seek pleasure or comfort). Now I can realize and know that my body doesn’t need food for comfort. Or pleasure bc I can ask her what she truly needs and how else I can give her those some feel good feelings - a book, empowering/gentle/warm podcast, bath, puzzle. This isn’t to distract me from eating it’s too nurture my anxiety (that’s causing me to eats/numb) feel the difference? ❤️

5. Feel like “gosh dang it intutive eating doesn’t “work” I’m gonna be out of control around food again. Now, I can choose my reality and what to believe. I know nothing else “works” I’ve tried and seen it all. It’s ok to “fall off” bc it’s not falling off at all, it’s just my body giving me feedback!! Just like my body heals itself with cuts, it’s giving me feedback (stomach ache for ex) as signals to care for her. And, my body wants homeostasis, which she will get! I will not self sabotage.

6. I’m gonna be fat. And stuffed always. I don’t need these thoughts anymore bc they don’t. Serve me. I can be anything I want, I want to be “in control” around food, I want to feel good in my body. I want to enjoy more around. Me other than food. I can have all that by engaging more with my loved ones, my hobbies, being present with them. It’s my reality. I can listen more deeply to my body as I grow this relationship with her.

Personal story, when I was younger I didn’t choose going out to eat bc I valued saving money. I valued that more than food and I ate whatever I wanted and had a truly healthy relationship with food for the most part. I like that mindset and can have the same mindset now too! I enjoy eating ice creams and getting cofeee but truly $ on my primary foods is more worthwhile to be honest!! This idea that coffee every am made me happy was me reaching for an external source of comfort that Truly didn’t serve me or make my body feel that good!?

NEXT POST: Mindless snacking around new foods! For example, making dehydrated fruit, I ended up snacking so much and it wasn’t even that good or feel the greatest. But I wanted to try it! It was new and so many different varieties and textures to explore and eventually share with others. Tips and recommendations for navigating these moments and afterwards?

Convo with friend regards the topic of ice cream from tonight

Yes! My ice cream was yummy! But all food is neutral so the feedback I am taking from it, “yes it was nice to finally try the flavors I has been eyeing. But it’s also nice to save my money towards the things I really value and my “primary foods” (friends, hobbies like biking, etc) that really bring me happiness and align with my values!

I am bummed too bc I think dinner sounds better but now I’m not as hungry. I will remember this next time I see ice cream. Is this what you want to eat this evening? (Vs right now) meaning, will I enjoy it now? And will I be satisfied with that being my only food for tonight since I might crave some nutrients and substance tonight? And to pause, feel calm, and make a decision for my evening vs the moment. I’m glad I did it! It’s feedback and a check off my wishlist and more information about why eating well feels so good!!

Another empowering feeling is I don’t have To eat anything now that it’s “dinner”. I don’t need to feel pressure of what I should or shouldn’t eat. Ex. I should eat something healthy now, or it’s dinner so I should eat. Andrew is eating so I should. I can relieve myself of this pressure by allowing my amazing and intelligent body tell me. She had my best interest so let her guide !!!!!!

[jennaalexandra]

Visualization

Who I am becoming. How I want to feel. 

I want to become a women who is light, free, intentional, calm, present. I am becoming her. Each year I buy a passion planner and mindmap. For my lifetime, I always write that I want to become a women of lightness, wisdom, beauty, and class. I think of my grandma often. Or a beautiful women who walks down the street, well dressed (thought not so me), pretty hair, clear skin, present, happy, standing tall, engaged with those around her, observant, softly smiles, polite, etc. 

I am taking my inutitive eating coures and learning how to manifest and transform into a higher self. The coach asks a lot of questions to help you think of that. 

For example: How do you want to feel? I want to feel happy, present, engaged. I want to handle ‘drama’ with ease, class, and grace. I want to engage with food in a way that is intentional, nourishing, and calm. I want to prioritze those around me. I want to feel content in my business. I want to help others discover intuitive eating, feel confident to deadlift, KB swing, pick up their children, walk a mile, and other hobbies. I want to feel whole. (this brings up my guilt/shame/grief/broken heart with my grandma).

I want to feel confident in my swimsuit, confident in my body, proud of her! 

Are you close to being her?

I also imagine a person who has less. less stuff! less to do. less errands. more time, more structure. 

[jennaalexandra]

Intuitive Eating week 2ish

Reflection time!!

I am about week two into intuitive eating - I feel so good - mind & body! This am I made cookies and didn’t have this anxious overwhelming desire to eat all the cookie dough! Andrew also brought back a homemade muffin for me and I haven’t had it because I don’t truly feel like it yet. I’ve been up since 5:30am.

I also have not spent money really in 2-3 weeks on usually things I would spend money on - coffee, muffins, going out to eat.

I did get coffee once with Kelly and it wasn’t very yummy and didn’t make me feel that good; however I was hungry and needed the fuel (haha healthy!) and I spent time with her, but I didn’t HAVe to get one, I could have just said “no, I’m ok, but I would love to spend them with you.” I am trying to identify my values and what’s important abs make decision based on those. Ideally I would like to have money to travel, experience things... little money spendings don’t really bring me that much joy or experiences. I am being more mindful, intentional with my spending.

I also went to ziggys vegan food, I was so excited but reminded myself food is neutral. Tried to calm down before eating so I would really feel it. It wasn’t that good and made me so bloated!!

All of these things are giving me feedback to Help guide Decisions for next time. It doesn’t feel like restriction it feels like respect.

[jennaalexandra]

my tastes buds are changing!

Since getting back into IE, I have noticed my taste buds changing. I am always craving less sweeya; especially sweets that aren't of high quality. in fact I'm noticing the difference bwtween high quality and poor quality more bc my taste buds are more sensitive and not muted from the physiological affects of over eating or the mental affects of disordered thought patterns caused by years of diet culture exposure. Today a friend offered me a cookie! I was so excited!! I tried it and it didn’t even taste good. I thanked my mind and body for transitioning to feeling more “pure” in a way. I’m feeling so much more intentional and reasonable. I’m not confused by my eating choices, I’m conscious!!

[jennaalexandra]

When you blame the food, you lose all your power

im about a week into hopping back on the intuitive eating bandwagon.

i already feel lighter, more energized, motivated, purposeful, and intentional with what I put into my body.

i worry that this is just a phase & that eventualky I'll go back to feeling out of control again... which leads to food obsessive thoughts, overeating, bloating, and feeling sick!!

but then, I begin to notice Old ways begin to creep back in. Here it goes, I thought.

but this time I applied the lessons learned from I tutive eating and an awesome life coach that helped me navigate out of those old ways and habits.

I noticed three things that happened today that normally would have triggered impulse food buys and overeating:

1. I was starving so I wanted to get a tuna sandwich at the coop. I havent had one in forever and they usually are a treat to me Even though the past couple of times didn't satisfy me. so here's what I did instead:

• gave myself permission to buy the sandwhivh eeven though last time it didn't taste good. I reminded myself that I have lots of food leftover and that perhaps I'm just feeling anxious. What if I honored my body and savings by making myself a delicious meal at home? I can always come back another day when I have less groceries. It will always be here (precenting scarcity)

2. I was Tempted to buy PB cereal bc it was on sale and I havent had it in a while. It tastes so good.

• I gave myself permission to buy it but reminded myself of how it made me feel in the past. Part of intuitive eating is respecting your body and how it feels after you eat. and, did it ever truly ever satisfy me? Not really!!! I reminded myself of the other options I have at home; i can always go back to get the cereal

3. BIG ONE. I ate a decadent dinner of quesadilland was proud that I stopped when I did. I noticed quite a few things here!!! 1. I at first wanted to keep going but I told myself I can, but how would giving my body some time before feeding more so I can let My anxiety calm down a little. I get anxious before a meal ends because it makes me sad, eso when it's yummy!!!i seriously waited 2 minutes and by min 2, I felt pretty full and actually the thought of eating more kinda grossed me out. ALSO! afterwards I wanted a new taste in my mouth and dessert. I had a couple pieces of chocolate and told myself this Is to clear my palette. If you want more later, you can! I was still feeling anxious for dessert. Sink pooped in two frozen cookies knowing I didn't completely over do dinner and prob wouldn't feel sick from a cookie This heinous my body. I reminded myself if after the cookie is ready I'm still to full, I can save it. A HUGE lesson my coach has taught me is to ASK WHAT I AM NEEDING BY LISTENING TO FEEDBACK.

**so I'm anxiouS... let's focus on that and not the food. Let's address the anxiety and not the food, let's curb the anxiety and not my cravings!!!

> what helps reduce my anxiety? (PUZZLES! Talking to friends, today, stretch. If I reduce my anxiety, I can feel my food and all my body and pleasure sensations! For when i eat dessert. I can also make decisions with a neural mindset!!! vs scarcity anxious mindedet which will normally lead to over eating

SO THE MAIN TAKE AWAY. it's not the food you're dealing with. It's the anxiety!! My gf teased me and said, "are you puzzling so you don't eat" I responded," no I'm doing the puzzle to calm my anxiety." why are you anxious? She asked. "Because I want dessert or some sort of unmet need met." "she laughed,

the thing here, is it's not the food! It's the anxiety!! Food is a coping mechanism for the anxiety. You keep using food it turns to habit. You stop using food and other tools and those become your new habit! Hopefully more aligned with self care and your goals!!!

ps. I still enjoyed the cookie, I still felt anxious before it was over. I thanked the anxiety. You're feeling anxious because with we're given a gift of something delicious!!! It's sad when it's over but im grateful I was given it in the first place. I'm glad I can enjoy this without overdoing or (tbc).

I'm glad I can enou this without over doing it or making myself sick. being Sad is good because it means I have something to be sad about. I experienced such a pleasurabke joy!!! I am proud I made such a yummy cookie, or when traveling or visiting a. New restaurant I'm sad to stop indulging but grateful to be able to experience it!!! And remember, you are addressing the anxiety, not the food! Addressing food girdles away your power and gives it to food. And it’s got the truth. Your addressing your anxiety and that you do have control over!! Food does not control you!!!!

[jennaalexandra]

two things that helped end my food obsessive and binge eating behaviors

Finally Free!! 12.2.20

As promised from my last blog... I am going to share the second intuitve eating tip that that helped me step back into intutiive eating. It has to do with the idea that our bodies seek homeostatis and constantly seek to be balanced. This notion gives me the security and trust to listen to my body because it will tell me what it needs. We see our bodies seek homeostatis in our blood circulation, sweating to cool our increased body temperature down when exercising  and more. Our bodies are magnicificent. So, I do believe our body seeks a set point weight and food volume as well. I understand how diets, negative self-talk, or emotional eating can sabatage our bodies innate ability to feed when appropriate. Our bodies are simple but we overcomplicate with our overdeveloped and sometimes misguided society and minds!

So, just this simple notion that my body wants to return to balance is so comforting. Yes, I have been feeling more food obsessed and binge-y lately. But it hasnt been satisfying and now I feel my body coming back down. Its feeling more at peace, less anxious, less food obsessed, less a sense of urgency for food or when I am around food. 

What’s helped:

1) my bodies natural desire to be in balance when we truly listen to it’s hunger cues, fullness cues, or signals for self-care be it food, a bath, or exercise. 

2) Finding pleaure in our primary foods so that we arent seeking pleasure only in our Primary foods as mentioned in my previous blog allowed me to bring my attention and focus to the things that truly bring me energy, fullfillment & joy! 

Stay tuned for more tips that got me back on track with my intuitive eating journey!

[jennaalexandra]

Ahh I remember this moment!!

I felt so purposeful. I had discovered intutive eating and so excited to share it with the world. Here I was coaching a client and helping him rediscover and redefine his relationship with food. He also partcipated in the Steel Fitness Academy - a 12 week transformative program designed to change mind, body and soul. He received my workout app with personalized workouts designed just for him. One more shout out - he lost 30 pounds throughout the program, he went from coach to dealifting, how to cook for himself, and most importantly feel important and confident!!!

Sooooooo.... I was on a HIGH!! And, to be back in a place of struggling with food is so disheartening!! 

So, I started consuming IE content again. A few things really resonated with me at this time in my life. 

1. The notion of Primary Foods and Secondary Foods. Primary Foods being that of SOUL foods i.e your basic needs!!! 

Social relationships

Financial wellbeing

Career

Exercise

Sprituality 

These Primary Foods ideally should supercede Secondary Foods (which is actually food). But, when we are food obsessed, we are obsessed with Primary Foods whcih takes away the joy and potential of the Primary states of wellbeing!!

I started rating where I stand in each category of primary foods. For example, on a scale of 1 to 10 insocial relationships, I am a 7. I have great immediate friends, a wonderful boyfriend, a great community at my gym. But, If i wanted to be a 9, what would it take for me to feel more satisfied? I would want to deepen the level of intimacy in some of my relationships; ie. with my boyfriend and get to know his family more. 

I rated my exercise as a 6 because lately it has been hurting, I have been feeling overly full and bloated. and when i tend to overeat, my boobs enlarge making exercise uncomfortable. To be an 8 or 9 I would want to feel light so exercise felt good! I wouldnt want to be weighed down by food during exercise. 

Work was a 5. I have felt so unmotivated and purposeful. It would take feeling more energized as a person to increase that number. It woudl take practicing what I preach in terms of my online business. 

ONE HUGE thing I noticed is that food affected all areas of my primary wellness or primary “food”. During the holiday vacation with my bfs family, my thoughts were more consumed around food or how shitty my body felt which prevented me from truly being present and getting to know everyone more deeply. Or, I couldnt even enjoy exercise bc I was eating too much. Or, work felt shitty because when im weighed down by food, i just feel overall less motivated and tired. 

So, realizing the impact of food and the importance of strengthening those other areas gave me new purpose and a new focus. I hope this might help you too :) 

Another piece of IE content that resonated with me was 2) the idea that our bodies seek homeostatis. They want to be balanced. They seek to be at a target set point. I am getting so tired. I will need to talk more about this in my next post. 

Until then, thank you for listening and I hope this helps!!!

[jennaalexandra]

Recovering after my Thanksgiving Holiday

It has been quite a few months of struggling with Intuitive Eating. Meaning, feeling back to food-obsessed, bloated, sick, full, less purposeful, out-of control, mindlessness, & so on. 

It was quite frustrating because I remember how I felt after discovering Intuitive Eating and living that IE lifestyle. It truly does feel like a lifestyle shift - a lifestyle that ends food obsessive thoughts, bloating, overeating, feeling sick from food... and one that sparkles with a sense of calmness at potlucks, a body that feels light and right, a mind consumed with purpose and goals, exercise that feels empowering, etc. 

I have never been into dieting. I always felt that don’t work. I came to realize that my body woudl fluctuate between 10 pounds no matter how hard I dieted and exercised because I would be in a cycle of yo-yo dieting. I would stricly eat “whole foods” only or do “reset” diets and lose 5-10-ish pounds for max a week; then I would be right back up 10 pounds, sometimes more, and not to mention ravenous! I figured, why not just chill the fuck out and stick to somewhere inbteween these 10 pounds. Its not worth it. 

So, I would do this. But I would stil feel out of control with food and obsessed with food. I am just weird, I just really really like food. This is part of being an adult and your metabolism slowing down. It’s normal?

When I began to learn about intutive eating I didnt know I was learning about intutive eating. I was just listening to some dietician talk about how there’s no good food or bad food. WAHHHT? This makes no sense and she’s just used to working with highly disordered eaters. I am not that. She also told me that its not normal to overeat and be food obsessed. OK, THAT I COULD AGREE WITH. 

Wait, if its no normal is there a solution?!?!?

I started researching ways to end my late night sweet binges since it wasnt “normal” according to her. 

Through my research I learned girls are on to this type of thing!! There is a cure? The cure isn’t with some diet, brain surgery, or stomach stapling (which, by the way, I thought was ridiclous, no amount of staples could stop this girl from pushing her belly to the point of just before explosion. I ate until i was “thanksgiving full” on the regular. oh god, would I actually pop the staples out of my stomach from overeating?!?! ). 

Anyways, I started to undersand how labeling foods as good and bad give power to foods making them even more desirable. How assigning foods a neutral label allows you to tune into and listen to your hunger fullness cues more. How breaking up with diet culture is liberating. How are bodies naturally want to be at their “set point” - I agreed with that! And, how to self-love, self-soothe without food, and the list goes on!!!

Now, as I have said before. This IE journey has been a bumpy rode. In fact, over this recent thanksgving (and, even the months prior) I had experienced my old ways of eating and thinking about food. Worst of all, feeling! Gah!

I even had thoughts of “Gosh, maybe I should go Paleo to just reset myself”. But, I held off. NO. Even if intuitive eating isn’t working for me right now, the later wont either. it will just postpone the inevitable. Give it time, trust, and figure it out again. 

Here I am, four days post holiday. I have spent the past two days eating more intutively with the help, I think of consuming a lot of positive, gentle, empowering IE content through an IE course I had purchased. 

The skeptical side of me thinks “You are just coming down from a week binger. Of course you feel more “intuitive”, your body will start to feel bingy again soon.  I also just started my period - maybe my hormones are finally relaxing for a day or two.

This time, I refuse to believe it. I am back to consuming kick ass empowering content from bad ass women across the web. I am back to feeling purpose again. To looking at my favorite bakery’s muffins IG post and saying “oh, wait, i dont really love those becuase they made me FEEL like shit. esp in the am!”

So, here I am, lets just say 2 days into being a solid Intuitive Eater. Feelin light and free, but honestly, a little skeptical. So, here I am documenting my experience to 1. journal my experience 2. record/document for future reflection  3. share with others.

I hope this will help guide me back to IE when i start to “fall off”. 

I cant wait for my next post. Because sometimes certian intutiive eating principles really resonate with you at a certain given time. This one that really reosnated with me was about purpose, and finding mine. Stay tuned as it might help you find yours!!

Until next time, 

xoxo

P.S Please share your thoughts!

[jennaalexandra]

This is me after discovering intuitive eating and practicing for quite some time. I felt energize, comfortable in my body, unoccupied with food, and FREE. 

Day 1: 12/2/2020

Prior to my period, even weeks before my period, I often feel…..

ravenous

unsatiated

bloated

overly-full

out of control around food.

My boobs triple in size. It’s hard to run or be super active because they hurt! Anyone relate?

During this time my thoughts are consumed with food. I scroll through IG looking at what muffins my favorite coffee shop baked for the day. I can’t wait for the next meal wishing I was hungry so I could eat without feeling like shit.

Finally, I feel the slightest ping of hunger; (although, I secretly know its my stomach deflating from overeating and being overly full) So, I rush to make, buy, snack, consume, you name it… the food I have been dreaming about.

The snacking begins. I immediately feel full-er than before (is that even possible!?), and for some damn reason, not even satisfied. But, I want to feel satisfied!! I spent the past three hours obsessing over this food, how can I not be satisfied

Maybe I need to try something else. PB pretzels. Eh. Not satisfied. A cookie? Still not satisfied. And, now, my stomach really hurts. I should go for something healthy. I eat a “salad”. By now my stomach is stretched just far enough to not burst and I feel lethargic, sick, and pissed!

I have to exercise this off. But, exercise is painful because I’m too full. And, besides, I know exercise for punishment or calorie burn isn’t the “healthy way to exercise.”

This cycle continues for days and weeks on end. I have a few “good days” or “lite” days of eating; I’m sure from my body just regulating itself from al the binges. The binges will come back.

Or, will they?

INSERT: The discovery of intuitive eating that transformed my eating experience and life.

This journey of becoming an intuitive eater has been a journey with it’s ups and downs but  an overall positive trajectory. Though not a final destination, a path I truly believe in and will support for the rest of my life. Since intuitive eating I have experienced less bloating, episodes of binge eating, steady weight decline & maintenance that felt natural, more purpose, greater confidence, more presence, normal around food, and the list goes on… if you can imagine all the benefits of ending food obsessive thoughts and a body weight that feels right you.

Perhaps take a moment to visualize this way of being. Write it down?

As I said, this has been a journey. There have been highs and lows; but I refuse to accept any other way than this. So, starting today, I will document my IE journey all while rehashing my IE experience.

I invite you to follow my journey of both reflection and real-time experiences with intuitive eating.

Already looking forward to my next post.

xoxox

[jennaalexandra]

My journey to end binge-eating and constant bloat.

Day 1: 12/2/2020

Prior to my period, even weeks before my period, I often feel.....

ravenous

unsatiated

bloated

overly-full

out of control around food. 

My boobs triple in size. It’s hard to run or be super active because they hurt! Anyone relate? 

During this time my thoughts are consumed with food. I scroll through IG looking at what muffins my favorite coffee shop baked for the day. I can’t wait for the next meal wishing I was hungry so I could eat without feeling like shit. 

Finally, I feel the slightest ping of hunger; (although, I secretly know its my stomach deflating from overeating and being overly full) So, I rush to make, buy, snack, consume, you name it... the food I have been dreaming about.

The snacking begins. I immediately feel full-er than before (is that even possible!?), and for some damn reason, not even satisfied. But, I want to feel satisfied!! I spent the past three hours obsessing over this food, how can I not be satisfied 

Maybe I need to try something else. PB pretzels. Eh. Not satisfied. A cookie? Still not satisfied. And, now, my stomach really hurts. I should go for something healthy. I eat a “salad”. By now my stomach is stretched just far enough to not burst and I feel lethargic, sick, and pissed! 

I have to exercise this off. But, exercise is painful because I’m too full. And, besides, I know exercise for punishment or calorie burn isn't the “healthy way to exercise.”

This cycle continues for days and weeks on end. I have a few “good days” or “lite” days of eating; I’m sure from my body just regulating itself from al the binges. The binges will come back. 

Or, will they?

INSERT: The discovery of intuitive eating that transformed my eating experience and life. 

This journey of becoming an intuitive eater has been a journey with it’s ups and downs but  an overall positive trajectory. Though not a final destination, a path I truly believe in and will support for the rest of my life. Since intuitive eating I have experienced less bloating, episodes of binge eating, steady weight decline & maintenance that felt natural, more purpose, greater confidence, more presence, normal around food, and the list goes on... if you can imagine all the benefits of ending food obsessive thoughts and a body weight that feels right you. 

Perhaps take a moment to visualize this way of being. Write it down?

As I said, this has been a journey. There have been highs and lows; but I refuse to accept any other way than this. So, starting today, I will document my IE journey all while rehashing my IE experience. 

I invite you to follow my journey of both reflection and real-time experiences with intuitive eating. 

Already looking forward to my next post. 

xoxox