jetblackclixxord

[jetblackclixxord]

i’m back y’all

i might’ve lost 600 followers but i’m just happy to be back into this account 🙏🏻

[jetblackclixxord]

Luke’s words “this was one of the biggest moments with you” keep replaying in my head when looking at this gif. They’re so genuinely happy together and the way Ash just brings in Luke for a hug by firstly caressing his cheek. I’m soo in love, thank you Andy for this material ❤

[jetblackclixxord]

Here’s a preview of my first chapter of my luke hemings fan fiction. if you like, you can check it here https://my.w.tt/5dkYWJrrr8

I've always wondered why we felt the most freedom as children. The world must look so pure and delicate but evil always disguises itself with beauty. It is not until the real world taints you that you realize you are constantly running in a maze which is not made for you to escape. Soon the roses are dying and you are surrounded by the darkness of humanity. The purpose of life seems nonexistent when you are trapped in a rapid cycle of emotions that guard you from feeling happiness. I wish I could freeze time and prevent the situations that landed me where I am today. The sickening realization is that you are stuck with yourself even if you do not believe you deserve the right to live. 

Rarely was there a time where I felt inside my body. My brain and body were separate and it seemed no amount of medication or therapy could get the two of them aligned. I monitored  myself from the outside, unable to control intrusive thoughts inside. When I look into the mirror all I can see is the ugliness of my demons. The paleness washed away the beauty, leaving only a fragile display. The view urged to abolish the evil inside of me. I didn't realize that ending the pain paid the price of a painful ticket to death. My recollection of the night I executed my attack on my mind is still blurred. I do remember staring in the mirror and watching as the hot tears slid against my flushed face. I was sweating and shaking, gruesome liquid dripping from my body. I admired the newly carved symbols on my arm while my right hand shook with twelve pink little pills. The door was locked and the hallway was quiet. It was not my body covered with battle wounds that scared me, it was the girl in the mirror. She looked so defeated and lost. The black clouds of tempting thoughts had erupted a storm. I wanted to be free. All I needed was to get rid of the pain, it was too heavy.

Everything turned black. There was no light blinding my vision and no sweet sounds of harmony. It was absolute nothingness, just the end to a horror. I remember my body made contact with the ground as I heard muffled shouts. My mother's cries were piercing and I wanted to flinch at the volume of my father's voice but I could not move. I could not feel and I could not think. I was just a body, a normal being. The gurney shook as my weight raced to a blaring ambulance as the EMS man told me to stay with him. I purposely closed my eyes.

I woke up once more, this time with perfect vision and hearing. The hospital was bland and the monitors were obnoxiously loud. However, my entire body ached. The tubes in my nose were so painful, I wanted to rip them out but they were taped as I touched them. It felt as if a piece of glass was lodged in my throat. An abrupt cough caught my attention as I looked to my left. The woman had to be at least forty and wore pink scrubs. Next to her was where the iv was coming from a food pouch. The bandages on my arms were thick. I groaned at the agonizing feeling of itchiness. I listened as the voice from the brunette woman spoke and told me that I was on a seventy-two hour suicide watch. Not the first time I heard that.

 Word that I had woken up spread rather fast to my parents. There was a hard thumb against the door as it opened by my frantic father. My mother could not face me as she hid behind the nurse. Her and I both knew that one day I would be very close to success.  The doctor that had examined me during the procedure strolled in afterwards. It was already known that this was an attempted suicide. I preferred it being a miss understanding but they went over the information with the tree of us together. Treatment was recommended and I had no desire to go and my mother did not want to send me. It was agreed that I would be forced to see a therapist four times a week

[jetblackclixxord]

a glitter dork

[jetblackclixxord]

[jetblackclixxord]

Halsey attends the 71st Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, California.

[jetblackclixxord]

Calum is a literal ball of sunshine

[jetblackclixxord]

Here’s a preview of my first chapter of my luke hemings fan fiction. if you like, you can check it here https://my.w.tt/5dkYWJrrr8

I've always wondered why we felt the most freedom as children. The world must look so pure and delicate but evil always disguises itself with beauty. It is not until the real world taints you that you realize you are constantly running in a maze which is not made for you to escape. Soon the roses are dying and you are surrounded by the darkness of humanity. The purpose of life seems nonexistent when you are trapped in a rapid cycle of emotions that guard you from feeling happiness. I wish I could freeze time and prevent the situations that landed me where I am today. The sickening realization is that you are stuck with yourself even if you do not believe you deserve the right to live. 

Rarely was there a time where I felt inside my body. My brain and body were separate and it seemed no amount of medication or therapy could get the two of them aligned. I monitored  myself from the outside, unable to control intrusive thoughts inside. When I look into the mirror all I can see is the ugliness of my demons. The paleness washed away the beauty, leaving only a fragile display. The view urged to abolish the evil inside of me. I didn't realize that ending the pain paid the price of a painful ticket to death. My recollection of the night I executed my attack on my mind is still blurred. I do remember staring in the mirror and watching as the hot tears slid against my flushed face. I was sweating and shaking, gruesome liquid dripping from my body. I admired the newly carved symbols on my arm while my right hand shook with twelve pink little pills. The door was locked and the hallway was quiet. It was not my body covered with battle wounds that scared me, it was the girl in the mirror. She looked so defeated and lost. The black clouds of tempting thoughts had erupted a storm. I wanted to be free. All I needed was to get rid of the pain, it was too heavy.

Everything turned black. There was no light blinding my vision and no sweet sounds of harmony. It was absolute nothingness, just the end to a horror. I remember my body made contact with the ground as I heard muffled shouts. My mother's cries were piercing and I wanted to flinch at the volume of my father's voice but I could not move. I could not feel and I could not think. I was just a body, a normal being. The gurney shook as my weight raced to a blaring ambulance as the EMS man told me to stay with him. I purposely closed my eyes.

I woke up once more, this time with perfect vision and hearing. The hospital was bland and the monitors were obnoxiously loud. However, my entire body ached. The tubes in my nose were so painful, I wanted to rip them out but they were taped as I touched them. It felt as if a piece of glass was lodged in my throat. An abrupt cough caught my attention as I looked to my left. The woman had to be at least forty and wore pink scrubs. Next to her was where the iv was coming from a food pouch. The bandages on my arms were thick. I groaned at the agonizing feeling of itchiness. I listened as the voice from the brunette woman spoke and told me that I was on a seventy-two hour suicide watch. Not the first time I heard that.

 Word that I had woken up spread rather fast to my parents. There was a hard thumb against the door as it opened by my frantic father. My mother could not face me as she hid behind the nurse. Her and I both knew that one day I would be very close to success.  The doctor that had examined me during the procedure strolled in afterwards. It was already known that this was an attempted suicide. I preferred it being a miss understanding but they went over the information with the three of us together. Treatment was recommended and I had no desire to go and my mother did not want to send me. It was agreed that I would be forced to see a therapist four times a week

[jetblackclixxord]

[jetblackclixxord]

No offense but life’s a tangled web, with cellphone calls and hashtag I don’t knows…

[jetblackclixxord]

[jetblackclixxord]

[jetblackclixxord]

[jetblackclixxord]

have a nice day :)

[jetblackclixxord]

i think we all really need to step back a bit with how we view celebrities like........we don't know these people. we are not their friends. we have a built up perception of them in our brains based on the parts of them they want us to see and the things we like to think they are. it's not real. let it go.

[jetblackclixxord]

Interviewer: Did any of you know each other before you were put together as a band? [x] ©