jimanders

[jimanders]

The WHAT & WHERE of 25 #Cancer #Recovery Posts PLEASE NOTE: Everybody's recovering from something, whether it be alcoholism, addiction or cancer. If not you, then somebody you know. At the very least, we are all recovering from others and from ourselves. ***** My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude. I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery. TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!! All 25 #Cancer #Recovery Posts are to be found (in reverse Chronological Order) between May 22, 2018 and July 24, 2018 on this link: www.alldrinkingaside.com. Here's the breakdown of all 25 Posts: 1. A Tongue-in-Cheek look at my supposed loss of REVERSE X-Ray Vision STRIPPED BY Chemo and Radiation (May 22, 2018). 2. Unlike being in the throes of Alcohol Addiction where I would "Increase Alcohol Use with Prescription Medicine" my Cancer Recovery would better align with the real Doctors' Orders (May 22, 2018). 3. A Cancer Survivor Guest Post bravely addresses aspects of recovery from breast cancer (May 23, 2018). 4. A gut reaction to Lao Tzu's "New Beginnings Are Often Disguised as Painful Endings" in this (May 24, 2018) post. 5. False perceptions unearthed in "The Mystery of the Pulsating Cancer Mask Revealed!" in this (May 26, 2018) post. 6. Crippling uncertainties explored in this "Lies & Doubts, Cancer & Recovery, Alcoholism & Addiction" (May 27, 2018) post. 7. "Cancer Reinforces My Recovery from Addiction & Alcoholism (& Vice Versa)" in this (May 28, 2018) post. 8. " When Gratitude Descends into Entitlement... " (June 1, 2018) 9. "Virtuous Cycles of Recovery from Cancer / Alcoholism / Addiction" (June 3, 2018) 10. Cancer Stigma and Addiction Stigma explored in this (June 3, 2018) post. 11. "Only Because My Cancer Spread Was It Discovered!" (June 6, 2018) 12. The passage of time in recovery discussed in this 12th post (June 7, 2018) 13. Fear is the subject of this 13 post (June 10, 2018). 14. Fight or Flight (sort of a continuation of #13), June 14, 2018 post. 15. Counting on others becomes the bottom line in this June 15, 2018 post. 16. Coping with the loss of my sense of taste, cessation of hair growth from chemo and radiation (June 15, 2018). 17. Gathering Courage as the Cancer Treatments continue in this 17th post (June 19, 2018). 18. A Neighbor Proclaims that "Cancer is Contagious" in this WTF (June 17, 2018) post. 19. The transition "FROM: Dying to Drink / TO: Eating to Live" compared here (June 30, 2018). 20. Sustainable recovery explored in this (July 2, 2018) post. 21. Considerations of post-chemo and post-radiation symptoms explored (July 4, 2018) here. 22. The importance of patience as my Cancer treatments conclude (July 7, 2018). 23. "CANCER: S.M.L. (Stigma, Myths & Lies)..." (July 9, 2018) 24. Cancer Conspiracy Theories exploded (July 13, 2018) 25. "Cancer Hangs Over Me" is my reaction to Cancer in verse (July 24, 2018) ***** For convenience sake: All 25 #Cancer #Recovery Posts are to be found (in reverse Chronological Order) between May 22, 2018 and July 24, 2018 on this link: www.alldrinkingaside.com. ***** You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO ***** An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews!

[jimanders]

Cancer Post (#25 of 50) "Cancer Hangs Over Me" PLEASE NOTE: Everybody's recovering from something, whether it be alcoholism, addiction or cancer. If not you, then somebody you know. At the very least, we are all recovering from others and from ourselves. I awoke from a dream, more a nightmare, really, akin to the drunk dreams I sometimes still occasionally experience. Just as recovery from alcoholism and addiction have become part of my permanent landscape in recovery, so too, cancer has now become a permanent fixture in my life. In both cases, relapse and recurrence are a forever possibility, both best dealt with one day at a time (in their many permutations). This 25th of an anticipated 50 Cancer Recovery-Related Posts is unlike all the others (a link to all 25 posts thus far is at the bottom). It is expressed in verse because it best captures the disjointed emotions related to facing many of my life's inevitabilities and the realization that I have learned to remain strong, to adjust my sails. ***** "Cancer Hangs Over Me" Kittens and puppies is how it will start. Buried, I will be (I will be buried) by some third shoe (Daddy, I'm already dead). Addiction Affliction was thrown at me from across the room. Then Cancer, when Cancer, then Cancer came, The first pelt of rain. This, a nightmare (You know it is), is happening to you (Has happened. Who?). Forever (Before the first ever) Cancer hangs over me. Waiting for some third shoe to drop. Cancer now is a part of my life (Is my life) like Addiction's trail so unmercifully long had become. The first few drops came as kittens and puppies. Then the rain made a hard right turn, Now cats and dogs, raining cats and dogs. The shoes came along, galoshes and boots, knocked me to the ground, beaten and bruised. Be sure, this is a dream and I will survive this, too. But be sure, too, I am a shoe, weather-beaten, worn.... I am a shoe. (Photo Credit: Arizona Daily Star on Pinterest)***** My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude. I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery. ***** Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there. ***** A Call to Arms! No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.***** Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others. ***** I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!*****The 1st 24 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Fifth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com***** (If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!) ***** #SurviveCancer #SurviveAddiction #SurviveYourself ***** Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However! ***** You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO ***** An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews! ***** TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

[jimanders]

12 PERENNIAL FAVORITE #Addiction & #Recovery QUOTES by the Famous, Infamous & Anonymous 1. "The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway 2. "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." - Thich Nhat Hahn 3. "Alcoholism isn't a spectator sport Eventually the whole family gets to play." - Joyce Rebeta Burditt 4. "Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." - Anonymous 5. "I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on." - Oscar Levant 6. "In a full heart there is room for everything and in an empty heart there is room for nothing." - Antonio Porchia 7. "To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in suffering." - Viktor Frankl 8. "Life is short, so we must move very slowly." - Thai Proverb 9. "It's not trespassing when you cross your own boundaries." - Anonymous 10. "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without also helping himself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson 11. "Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." - Epictetus 12. "Because you are alive, everything is possible." - Thich Nhat Hanh ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Most of these quotes are also found within the pages of ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 200+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

11 RETWEETABLE TWEETS on #Addiction & #Recovery

1. Alcohol took over the desire for all else, including the desire to stop. 2. I was surviving when I drank & became a survivor when I stopped. 3. Every recovery meeting is an intervention between me and the first drink." - p. 81, All Drinking Aside 4. 88,000 people a year die of alcohol-related causes, more than twice the annual death toll of opiate overdose. - WashPost 5. The punishment for addiction is time served. 6. When I first got sober, I thought my life would be leafless and dull. Instead, my life went from NEVER green to EVERGREEN! 7. The Flow of Alcohol is Beaten by The Flow of Life. (The River of Time is Slow & Deep) 8. I was surviving when I drank & became a survivor when I stopped. 9. "Pills for everything except for who I am." - p. 213, All Drinking Aside 10. The art in concentration camps was produced despite the facts, not because of them. So, too, what I wrote when drunk. Despite addiction. 11. What would ONE WORD for EVERY DRINK I ever had look like? Well, the 82,313 words in [my book] just about cover it. ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** By the same author, you may also enjoy ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4200+ Recovery Posts: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

Me? An Alcoholic?? "Who Could See the Forest??? All I Saw Were Trees.... If not an alcoholic-in-the-making, perhaps this excerpt would reflect what I could never now call "The Good Ole Days":*****"Shortly after graduating from college, my housemate, Gene and I would catalog our discussions on the relative merits of various wines, domestic vs. imported, Spain vs. Chile, the similarities and differences between Cabernet Sauvignon and Sauvignon Blanc, all this and more, until we would have the inevitable ‘after-dinner drinks’ and discussion of this glass and that glass and this corkscrew type vs. that corkscrew type, until in an eventual drunken stupor, I would blackout, pass out and suffer through my next day hangover. Hangover preventions. Hangover cures. The ins and outs of drinking. How to become a really, really, really good drinker.  "Alcohol was taking over my life in each and every form and I didn’t even know it. I had learned more and more about scotch and wine and beer and cocktail recipes and this glass and that glass, boiler-makers and hot toddies and which garnish goes with which drink and on and on. More and more knowledge about alcohol and no real knowledge of alcoholism. Generally speaking, as I got more and more entrenched in alcoholic behavior, the more I felt sophisticated, the less sophisticated I must have appeared. Who could see the forest? All I saw were trees.... " ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 210+ Recovery Posts from LinkedIn: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

CANCER Cure CONSPIRACY (yes, many can't be unconvinced) #24 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence JFK and ELVIS are alive & roommates in Rio De Janeiro.... EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. Everybody who is a Conspiracy Theorist, that is. Conspiracy theories about Cancer also abound. Tiny, missing facts and speculation, somehow uncovered, become the mortar filling the gaps of public knowledge with irrational fears and double-dare doubts. No doubt, lizards from outer space also somehow fit into the REAL solution as to why Cancer has been cured, but that Big Pharma, for multiple inexplicable reasons, is loathe to let US in on. DON'T WORRY. The Moon Landing and the World Trade Center collapse were FAKED, so why wouldn't Cancer be on the list of Unsolved Conspiracies? Why won't the FDA allow the cure to be marketed? How have the public and private sectors been forced to remain silent? Who's making all the money from withholding the Cancer Cure? Why can't medical professionals, knowing what they know, cure their friends, their families, themselves? For now, I'll have to be content with the aftereffects of Chemotherapy and Radiation Therapy while I wait for the effects from piercing pins into my Cancer Effigy. Voodoo is real. Tippecanoe and Cancer Too. Don't confuse me with Facts. You know who they are! Cancer S.M.L (Stigma, Myths, Lies & other Glories.) Believe the Truth, Not all the Stories! (Photo Credit: X-Files/20th Century Fox on Pinterest)***** My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude. I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery. ***** Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there. ***** A Call to Arms! No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.***** Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others. ***** I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!*****The 1st 23 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Fourth one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com***** (If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!) ***** Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However! ***** You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO ***** An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews! ***** TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

[jimanders]

"The Drinking Used to Work.... " Oh..., Did it.... ? Really.... ? A Short Excerpt... *****"The drinking used to work. To be fun. A two hour escape from the world. Slowly, over the years, it went from three or four times a week and three or four drinks at a time to every day and seven or ten or more and drinking sprees and blackouts and hospitals. Hitting bottom and periods of sobriety and relapses and more bottoms and hospitals and vicious cycles. I don't know how much brain I've lost to alcohol and how much depth I have achieved from my merry-go-round of relapse and recovery, but I know I cannot drink today.I measure my life by days instead of drinks today. Humble. Thankful. Grateful. Alive." *****"

Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 210+ Recovery Post on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

The Insanity of Others May Propel Addiction's Downward Progression My delicate, ravaged downhill progression, sped by circumstances, is but an example of lives gone haywire by addiction and unattributable, uncontrollable forces, seemingly beyond hope, cause and nature. ***** "Ted was sent to Ancorra Mental Hospital after attempting suicide. His transformation after he stopped taking his psychiatric medication was insane. When he stopped taking his pills, his schizophrenia was no longer in remission. It progressed to the point of his attempting suicide. No one could believe that he had taken over my identity in his mind. Like psychiatric wards with patients thinking they are Jesus, Ted's disease took ownership of his mind. Ted thought that he was me and then attempted suicide. That was his alternate reality and that is the reality that I would have to live through. And I did live through it: drunk, drunker, drunkest.... " ***** Is it really surprising that when Ted's behavior actually led to his attempt at murdering me, in the flesh, was brought to trial (by reason of insanity) that the drunken best I could do, plastered daily during this whole course of events far beyond my daily necessary flashpoint of consumption, was to submit a written testimony of the events? The court had ruled that I would likely breakdown in the intense theatre that this case had created. The best I could do, at this my worst, was a scribbled testimony. ***** Who's killing who? Nothing but victims of various and multiple insanities piled in corners, stacked upon each other. Cause and effect illegible, missing, empty, pointless. Weren't insanity and addiction co-conspirators here? Weren't we both victims, victims, victims? Wasn't guilt, blame, hope, humanity off the table? Weren't there more questions than possible answers? Would the beginnings of a sanity ever resurface? Cause and effect smeared into a mass indistinguishable as if on a microscopic glass plate. No revolving doors. No exit. This was Guernica, separate, insane, unstoppable. ***** Somehow I survived this. Somehow we, at times destroyed, are not defeated. Life would go on, me, sober or not.... life would flourish, me carried forward on its coattails. Any and all possible outcomes would have been, were, miracles of coincidence beyond all control. Life would survive in this or any other form. (Photo credit for Picasso's "Guernica" on Pinterest by Wikipedia)***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4210+ Recovery Posts on Pinterest here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

LOSING THE BATTLE: The Perpetually Deepening Illusion of Control Over Drinking. DAMN! It' actually Vatchi, one of the 3 Fictional Characters in ALL DRINKING ASIDE, who hits the nail on the head, finally: ***** "In control. Out of control. The illusion of control. Only an alcoholic has this perpetually deepening illusion of control despite continually worsening negative consequences. The disease is hard at work. Social drinkers do not drink like this. "Why doesn't he just stop?" The social drinker does not understand this alcoholic insanity. The die may have been cast at Jim's birth, through heredity, but each drink slowly soldered shut some door. Slowly. Soldered. Shut." ***** Even my eventual surrender to this fact would take several relapse and 8 years of continuous, unrelenting struggle. Addiction divides our world and divides and redivides the addict, making mincemeat of human flesh and heartbeats. My indomitable spirit could not surrender against the tide of 50,000 drinks. "The bird does not know the sky" and I, blinded, did not know the content of the Olympic-sized swimming pool of alcohol in which I swam. I did not breathe oxygen. The air itself was alcohol as I was propelled to the bottom. I could see the dead naked figure on the bottom of the pool, drinking to somehow save itself. ***** My undoing took time. A sustained and sober pattern of breathing would take years of effort, practice and resilience, learned, unlearned, relearned. An easy, relaxed and sober breath would seem impossible, yet now, only possible, a final freedom on this sober platform, flying free, sober at last. Surrender to win. Sweet surrender. New life begins now, a green emergence in the sylvan sky. Released. ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 210+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/fmzt9b

[jimanders]

I Learned How to Drink at a VERY YOUNG Age! Goo-Goo, Sippy Sip-Sip. I learned to drink like a man when I was still a boy, dooming me, in part, to stay forever young. OMG, how Alcohol has aged me! One of Alcohol's many wrinkles. Rip Van Winkle & a little Peter Pan Complex thrown into the Blackout (I drank the Whole Nine Yards!) Cement Mixer of Addiction. Mixed metaphors work well for me because I was very mixed, like James Bond, "Shaken, not Stirred," except it was me who was shaken, me who was not stirred. The mantel of Tragic Hero fit me well by the time the "Poor, poor me's" took over. Move over Rover, let Alcohol take over became a rant and chant, god-damned ele-phant, "I can't, I can't." Metaphors more mixed than a Singapore Sling with my ass in a sling. On and on. Take a picture. It lasts longer. ***** "When I reached a fork in my road, the knife of addiction chose for me. I know that must sound like an excuse to a non-addict 'normie' but initially, eventually, the power of choice is removed and responsibility for my sobriety wasn't learned until after several relapses. The stigma and shame of admitting my alcoholism kept me 'out there' before I got sober and the shame of relapse keeps many (but didn't keep me) from returning to the rooms of recovery they need to regain a stronger foothold in sobriety. Relapse for me was a baby learning to walk. Falling was learning to walk. Relapse was part of learning to live sober." ***** Every forgotten drunken episode became part of my story of getting sober, relapsing and eventually staying sober, 14 years by last count. Today I know that wherever I am in my recovery that "Yard by Yard, it's Hard, but that Inch by Inch it's a cinch." All of which is to say, I'm a slow learner. But learn, I eventually did. Moderation in all things, with the exception of abstinence when it comes to alcohol and other drugs seems to be my best game plan. In the end, I learned that "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 200+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/jHfdjq

[jimanders]

"A Glorious, Heartfelt and Mindful Reader Reply to a Favorite Short Post"

FIRSTLY, Dig this Glorious, Heartfelt and Mindful Reader Response to my "The Tomb of the Anonymous Addict" Post. Followed...

SECONDLY by "The Tomb of the Anonymous Addict" Post, short, wide and deep, and...

THIRDLY, Read my Shocked, Rattled & Pleased as Punch Response to Walt Moore, Certified Peer Support Specialist & Chairman Emeritus of the Veterans Advisory Council....

THEN... PLEASE let me know in your comments what YOUR RESPONSE is to this WHOLE SHEBANG (& hit "Share," if the mood strikes!)!

*****

With No Further Adieu:

*****

WALT MOORE's Response to "The Tomb of the Anonymous Addict" Post: " Thanks for the verse the "Tomb of the Anonymous Addict" Mr Jim. While I myself am not an Addict, I know many who are, and it hurts inside to see them this way. I'm not innocent myself either, though I am one of the "Lucky Ones" who never seemed to get hooked.

The Age that I grew up in provided all of whatever you wanted; Shrooms, Acid, Mescaline, whatever type of Smoke you wanted, and the "Hard Stuff" such as Heroin, Meth, and anything else that would fit in a Needle. (Of which I had no desire to try.) I had a great time, in theory, until it came the time when you had no idea of what things were being "cut" with. For me, that ended those years of "Contentment".

Yeah, I was "Lucky" wasn't I, but what's so lucky about watching your "friends" sitting/laying in a chair passed out, drool running down their chin, from a week of "Tweeking". Or watching them pacing back and forth, wondering where the next high will come from. Trying to figure out who the next "mark" would be, or what case job would be the easiest, with the most stuff they could sell to get back that sense of forgetfulness, numbness, to escape from the realities of the s**thole that they say is "Life".

Yeah, I was a "Lucky One"...but how about the ones who can't even pass a gumball machine without being hooked on something. I've seen too many of these individuals, who no matter what they try, or how many times they try, they will always be hooked. They are serious as a heart attack in their desire to be free, to be rid of the claws that are so far dug into their backs that they can't be cut out. These Individuals, these People, these Loved Ones, these Friends, or Whomever they may be, are All Worthy of our Help, and our Love.

I guess I owe you an apology Mr. Jim. What started out to be a statement saying that I enjoyed your verse, ended up being a book. lol Sorry about that, but it's kind of hitting home for me at this time. I'm moving, and I'm leaving behind some good people that I love, who need the things I've said here. So, at this time in my life all that I can do is pull my bloomers up, put on my big boy pants, and move on to where I'll be a stronger person. This I really need, for me, for once.

Now before I continue on, I will say to you Sir...Have a great day, and always remember to go in Peace, Walt.

P.S. You may delete this. :-)

*****

"The Tomb of the Anonymous Addict" in its Short & Powerful Entirety (All 9 Sentences!):

Sometimes walking down the street you think you hear the sound of leaves scuttling along, but these are the plans, hopes, dreams of the dead. Wind barely whispering over the green lips of empty bottles, syringes puncturing the silence in their stillness. Sentences gasping for a last breath, forever unfinished.

The Tomb of the Anonymous Addict is really many tombs in many doorways, further down anonymous valleys than any still alive have ever ventured.

No such monument truly exists. It's undedicated, the dead remains unidentified. It is truly unnamed and unguarded.

It tires me, this Tomb of the Anonymous Addict. It exists in my mind only.

And it makes me weary.

*****

And LASTLY, My Reply to Walt Moore:

YOUR P.S., WALT, confirmed that I have done my job and done it well.

The ABSENCE of a Tomb of the Anonymous Addict in the Real World of Atoms and Electrons PROVE its existence in the Experience of My Readers. If you Feel it, it's a Real Feeling and its Physical Absence is PROOF that such a monument is necessary and needed, Walt.

My P.S. to you is to note my familial relationship to the actual Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, whose origin is from the Fish side of my Mother's Family. I absolutely LOVE your entire response. You have made my day, Sir.

Thank you for your every word!

*****

P.P.S. PLEASE let me know in your comments what YOUR RESPONSE is to this WHOLE SHEBANG (& hit "Share," if the mood strikes!)!

Thank-You!

*****

Besides this Post, you may also enjoy (by the same author... me) ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal

http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO

Addiction Fiction & Autobiography

30+ 5***** Star Reviews!

[jimanders]

Confronting HIM, his POWER (& lack thereof) under the influence... Here I am, confronting who I once was: ***** "I will become power. The cocaine will keep me awake and enliven the best that is within me. And the drink, it will calm me. The cocaine will help me remember and these blackouts will end. I lived there somewhere, sometime. When? I'm standing outside the Chez Paree [their spelling] Discotheque on New York Avenue. It is 1979. I took the Quaalude twenty minutes ago.... 　　 My dark tan and 'Summer Tourist' clothes make me stand out in the crowd. I would ignore this person if I were to meet him today. I would think he was a pompous asshole. But if I waited thirty minutes, I would have pity on this pathetic ‘gentleman’. In thirty minutes he would be carried out by two bouncers, plastered, wasted, coked out, luded out…. I will be confronting him again and again as I look backward at my life, as disconnected from my past now as I was disconnected from the present, then. 　　 I sigh, and plod forward in my sobriety…. " ***** Now, I am happy where all this took me. To today, to 14+ years of continuous sobriety after 8+ years of perpetual relapse. Now, apparently cancer-free, alcohol-free, FREE (3 months of aftercare will precede searching for any traces of cancer recurrence)! ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 200+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/jHfdjq

[jimanders]

My Psychedelic Reptilian Brain Hallucinations! Alcohol was certainly not the only drug I used. True, it was center stage, but co-conspirators often stole the show beyond over the counter, off the wall pharmaceuticals, including hallucinogens. It was only after I came off this LSD-like high that I realized I couldn't have climbed that staircase because the jail was in a one-story building. No basement. No second floor. Trust me though, someone called me indeed had climbed that stairway! ***** "Climbing an invisible, hallucinated staircase, high on organic belladonna plucked fresh off the tree by me hours earlier high in the Guatemalan mountains, Gene and I were then arrested on suspicion of substance abuse, awaiting release through bribery. Some memories, like this  Guatemalan belladonna one, bring flashbacks like roll call at reveille. "I am Jim Anders, not all present, not all accounted for, sir." Sometimes I have to surrender to the present, surrender and strive to save whatever little time and mind I have left…. " ***** I universally drank when I consumed, ate, snorted, smoked and just short of injected all these other drugs, exotic, esoteric, outsourced from everywhere, a walking pharmacy and liquor store rolled into my one long, slow roll. It all seemed so harmless, productive, mind-expanding and necessary at the time. Until, of course, time-dissolved in my alcohol solutions and nil was left to pick up the pieces remaining on my chemistry laboratory floor. Valiant, self-righteous idiot I was, it took only another decade or two of multiple drug use to repeatedly crash on my drug-addled head and to un-fuzz what was clearly happening to me. Somehow always being high on alcohol and myriad substances seemed somehow pure and good until the walls closed in and my thoughts fused into a catatonic (and sometimes gin & tonic!) stupor. "All's well that ends well!" ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 200+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/jHfdjq

[jimanders]

ONE TOO MANY: A Final Disgust with Alcohol (and an F-bomb) The excerpt, below, is from an earlier rough draft of my book. I don't clearly remember why it wasn't included in the final text, but I include it here as a descriptive for my final exasperations and disgust with Alcohol. It became personal, as you'll see. *****　　 "I don't need you anymore, Alcohol. Slowly, I am outgrowing you, slowly, like I learned to hate you slowly. And when I am growing, there is no need for you. Let me level with you, Alcohol. I don't need a certain level of addiction. Never did. You deceived. I bit your bait, drank your drink, and believed your promises. I lived your life. Past tense. Adios. Adieu. Good-bye. You are dead Alcohol. I have survived you. Go fuck yourself, Alcohol. I'm through." ***** For me, addiction became personal. I loved/hated what was destroying me, despite myself. The almost mythical qualities of my relationship with alcohol were truly that. A relationship which ran privilege over human relationships, finally. Alcohol had become my everything and finally my sum-zero nothing. The relationship ended in trial separations, divorce, rekindling yet hopeless attempts at trying again. Truly, like any human relationship, I struggled, fought with, discussed alcohol with alcohol. Almost human, alcohol replaced humans. It was no contest and I was no winner, finally. ***** The full depth and breadth of my relationship with alcohol and eventual recovery are to be found within the finished text. Consider this a side-view of the freak show it would become. ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." ***** Look inside ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4 Uncover 200+ Recovery Posts on LinkedIn here: https://goo.gl/jHfdjq

[jimanders]

CANCER: S.M.L. (Stigma, Myths & Lies) #23 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence Here I stand, nearly finished with all the chemotherapy, radiation and hydration therapies and yes, all or most of my side-effects symptoms should begin to subside, but, trust me, much of this has been unforeseen and unexpected. Stigma, Myths and Lies will likely continue following me like a slug. Certainly, positive behaviors on my part are 'de rigueur' to lessen the possibilities for a recurrence of cancer. My attitude is important. Now on the other side of treatments, my cancer is no longer in the category of a fight I have to win, which had sort of been my attitude at first. That evolved into less doubt and more trust in the procedures and knowledge of my doctors and other care-givers. One of the biggest myths, which I intuitively did seem to get is that the types and numbers of different cancers and their prescribed forms of treatment vary to the extreme in location in the body, severity of diagnosis and treatment regimens tailored to the strengths and weaknesses of the patients. In short, cancer is truly not one simple little disease. It covers spectrums still unimaginable to me. The cause/causes of my cancer seem almost inconsequential after the fact. I was not doomed to get cancer and there may have indeed been little I could have done up to the point of diagnosis to prevent its onslaught. But now that treatments at my level of care have subsided, it's up to me to eat and exercise to help aftercare improve as quickly as possible. Even my hereditary cancer history doesn't do much to point blame my way. Blaming my parents more than dangerous behaviors not inherited, such as alcohol and tobacco addiction isn't really an answer for me either. From a personal perspective, cause and blame have been removed from my vocabulary. Environmental toxins are my personal best guess. We live in a world poisoned by the thousands of chemicals in our environment everywhere. Earth, at least the urban world I live in is certainly no Garden of Eden. Contrary to my initial sense of "Oh, boy, I've got cancer. Print up the death notices. Write your will. Kiss your ass good-bye" have quickly dissipated. I remember being told that sugar is a super food to cancer, at least in the tracer chemicals used in the full-body scan images used in the preliminary looks at my hard and soft palates and the outpost of cancer which had migrated to my neck. I must add here, once again, as mentioned in another post, that the cancer migration visible in short order on my neck likely has saved my life as I would otherwise not have noticed the outbreaks in my palate until it may have been much too late to as effectively treat. The only thing I can add about sugar in my diet, from my perspective at least, is that sugar (like alcohol) is pretty much adding calories to my diet with no real healthy side effects. My relationship with sugar is restricting these empty calories so much as possible and not really an attack on sugar as a cancer cause. I'm on the other side of the mountain now, anyway, so many old behaviors that may have had detrimental outcomes for my overall health will be eliminated over time as a better way of living in general and not specific to my cancer diagnoses and after-care. It is not my fault I have (or had) cancer, but, fact is, I must become more responsible for a healthier lifestyle now that I've passed these tests of fire and water, at least up to this point. Here and now, I'm glad that my three primary doctors opted out of throat surgery. My gut reaction is that their decisions were right. It almost seems that that would have been akin to cutting off my nose to spite my face. But this and many other things are still a little up in the air. This whole thing has become an intense learning experience for me, to be sure. Not that surgery might have caused my cancer to spread or grow, but the regimens of treatments applied seem to have been the right choice to me. My self-image has definitely undergone change here. Formerly, I identified as an addiction survivor. Now I must add cancer survivor to my rostrum. I know the road ahead will include encounters in my workplace once I return there. Social interaction and media stigmatization will be front and center as I adapt to this life-changing series of occurrences. Basically, accepting and acting upon my responsibility for my cancer recovery is on the surface not much different from the responsibilities I had had to learn to assume in my recovery from alcoholism and and addiction. Stigma, shame, guilt, social isolation and discrimination are all subtle force my recovery will have to learn to deal with. Self-doug and doubts of others loom ahead. I must keep my roadway clear. My road ahead will likely include what are now unimaginable bumps in the road.Picture me striding forward in all my recoveries, head held high as I strive to build and rebuild a new world for myself. Just as "nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more" applies to my alcoholism and addiction recovery, so too, the same thing goes for my cancer recovery moving forward.Stigma, Myths and Lies have been largely expelled and dealt with. #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence.... that's the new platform upon which a new and better life for me will be constructed, deconstructed and reconstructed.Structure is everything for me, now more that ever.Strive on! I've said my piece and found some peace in the process.Next on my agenda is to increase my writing and reaching out to help others.As I've said before, helping others is the biggest win/win that I have ever known.My most suitable closing here is a hearty thanks to all the people I've met on my many roads to recovery.Find your path. Move forward. And MANY THANKS, AGAIN to each and all, before, during and after this life-enhancing experience.Life is still so good. Now, more than ever! ("The Most Difficult Battles in Life Are Those We Fight Within." - Chinese Proverb on Pinterest) ***** My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude. I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery. ***** Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there. ***** A Call to Arms! No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.***** Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others. ***** I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!*****The 1st 22 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Third one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com***** (If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!) ***** Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However! ***** You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO ***** An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews! ***** TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!

[jimanders]

ONE and UNDONE: ONE DRINK down, DESPAIR in the air.... One & DONE. The most desperate loneliness of all, Insanity, off the wall. How could I have survived this? How? Another world that should not have ever been. No one ever wins. Ever wins. Ever. Yet here I am to testify. I will survive. ***** Then.... ***** "The battle with my brain. Thinking that I could win the battle with the alcoholic part of my brain. Never realizing, or admitting, or being in denial about this one basic fact: There is no one part of my brain that is alcoholic. My entire brain, my entire being, my entire life is one of alcoholism. I’m either living in my disease or I’m living in recovery. I cannot win the battle against alcoholism alone. Alone, despite an abundance of knowledge and experience, my brain seems to take me like a rat through a maze to that first drink. That first drug.... " ***** That love that is addiction is a love that's a thug. I was truly powerless. "Make it go away. Make it stop," life-ending thoughts. It stopped. It ended, My whole life through a sieve, a torture mill. Recovery is my only survival, still. All or nothing at all. Rhyme and reason had no inside inside addiction's walls.... Empty. Less than empty. And now this. "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matter more." Stride sober. Strive on.... Stride. Recovery is my everything. Addiction, you are nothing, were nothing, will be nothing still. I am done. Addiction. Undone, unsung, empty. The glass would never be half full and I, nothing less than a fool in hot, blind pursuit. Sobriety is the well from which I drink. Life can be so good. Replenished. Full and more. Overflowing. Love to spare, strives on.

***** (Flower and Bird by Watanabe Shotel on Pinterest) ***** Passages in quotes are excerpted from ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO Recovery Tweets: http://twitter.com/JimAnders4

[jimanders]

The Scales of #CANCER Slowly Fall from My Mind's Eye.... #22 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence SPOILER ALERT: The Verse Averse Need Not Apply! ***** "The Scales of Cancer Slowly Fall from My Mind's Eye" The scales of Cancer slowly fall     from my mind's eye Revealing joy beneath my sufferings. ***** Purpose, convictions, meanings     intertwined. Tests of fire & water passed     by which I mean, of course, Chemo coursing through my veins, And radiation therapy     through my brain And nausea, no hunger,     some pain, lost moments, wonderings. ***** I did not know if I could pass through all     this whole. Could hope be just a momentary madness     to break apart? Or     cured or not, Would Cancer teach what only others     seem to know to preach,     a heart within my heart? ***** The scales of Cancer fall slowly.     joy beneath all suffering. Nearly losing, a simple power within     regained. No suffering in vain. ***** Hope, meanings, purpose intertwined. This I have and will survive     Or not. It matters not. ***** Cancer has touched Gratitude.     echoing down highways crossed And not yet crossed. Cancer's what I got,     not knowing that I'd get This too, This life, A life so good,     no hunger to sustain     in my recovery's realm. ***** Peace within the storm,     peace within within. Echoes of peace within,     reclaimed. After all is gone,     only good remains     to echo in my brain, "Life is So Good." (Sunrise, Atmosphere, Earth on Pixabay/Pinterest) ***** My continuing Recovery from Alcoholism has given me tools, hope, a positive attitude. I have a leg up on Cancer that I wouldn't have had minus my addiction recovery. ***** "Nothing matters more than that we remain sober because when we remain sober everything matters more." That attitude carries over into my cancer fight. Cancer matters more. Fighting cancer means more. My life IS more, no matter how all of this turns out. Strive on, Fellow Travelers! No matter what your fight and challenges! Help is out there. ***** A Call to Arms! No, not guns and ammunition. I'm talking human arms, embracing and carrying forward messages of Trust and Hope among all Cancer patients, their families, friends and co-workers. We need each others support. Don't isolate due to the ignorance of others. Share freely. Dispel myths. Move forward.***** Everybody's Recovering from Something. Get Help. Find Help. Help others. ***** I am not a Hero, but on my good days at least, I am no longer a victim. I and you and us and we are more important than fear and doubt and prejudice and ignorance and a basketful of other evils.In Sobriety, I have chosen to not be a victim of Cancer, Cancer's Pawn. I Can-Cer Vive (stolen from an origin unknown). I can survive Cancer because, in the end, I shall not have left me be it's Victim. I will be a Victor of Cancer, no matter the actually outcome.Be a Victor. Live Victoriously!*****The 1st 21 (of 50) #Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence posts are immediately below this Twenty-Second one on the link provided here (Reverse Chronological Order):https://alldrinkingaside.blogspot.com***** (If you're already on the All Drinking Aside Blog page, consider this link part of my ridiculousness!) ***** Finally, whether it be Cancer, Addiction, Alcoholism, Recovery or All of the Above, "Hear Ye! Hear Ye... ! Read All About it, Wherever, Whenever, However! ***** You may also wish to Explore ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal, by the same author: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO ***** An Addiction Fiction & Autobiography-in-One / Check out the 30+ 5***** Star Reviews! ***** TAKE C.A.R.E. (#Cancer #Addiction #Recovery #Emergence)!!!