jinkahn

[jinkahn]

I go to work four days a week. Work as in 12 hours a week to support myself with enough money to pay rent, eat more than enough, go out to have a couple beers with my friends, and have enough to train both at a commercial and MMA gym. With all of that, I even have enough to save. 

I live in Korea so rent is cheap and my pay is high because I speak English. I receive between 30 to 35 bucks an hour, and along with my lone personal training client that I see three times a week, I work a total of 15 hours a week. My commute does take a bit long, but I take public transportation and it’s a good time for me to zone out a bit and work in my meditation. Hence, I never feel like I’m losing time. 

My plan at the moment is to get back on my feet. I’m doing okay but not living particularly comfortably. I’m in a temp home, waiting for inheritance money that is supposedly coming, and waiting for my next paycheck so I can have more than enough to feel more financially comfortable. 

Having spent four months out of the country, I didn’t work nor save any money for my return. I essentially came back empty handed, but luckily I had friends to help me along the way. Coming back empty handed wasn’t what I intended, but through some fucked up shit I was put in a position where I had to spend the money I initially saved for when I came back. 

Anyways...

When all is said and done, I hope to be working 4 days a week and having three days to have to my own. My ideal schedule from Monday would be to wake up a bit earlier to hit the gym. In the morning I’ll get my strength and conditioning done. That way after I run my errands, finish teaching the kids, I’ll be able to manage nearly 8 hours between my morning S&C and my evening MMA training. That will be Mondays and Wednesdays while Tuesdays and Thursdays I’ll only train in the morning and rest in the evening. 

My rest days will my big cooking days. 

I can imagine that this seems like a lot to your everyday person, but if one were to sit down and actually ponder it, they’ll see that it’s actually quite simple. Not easy, but simple. People often overlook that most stress out the whole 8 hours they spend at work and by the time they come home, the last thing they wanna do it pull out the pots, cook something, eat, then do the freaking dishes. 

And I guess my secret to getting ‘all’ of this done, or managing it with relatively no stress is to simply enjoy it. Especially certain things that you absolutely know you will have to do regardless of who you are. Things like doing dishes, taking our the trash, tidying up your house, and whipping up a quick meal. I’m pretty sure I’ll never actually enjoy taking out the trash, but if I’m bitter about it every time that I do, that’s a lot of life being wasted on feeling bitter about something that is inevitable. Namsayin? I’m not sure I’ll ever enjoy washing dishes either, but one thing I do know for certain now, is that I really love cooking. 

Learning to enjoy something can never be something that is forced. It’s gotta be self induced interest. Which means that it has to be genuine. And that right there is really the secret to many things in life. Doing things you like will not only give you more proclivity for progress, but extra tanks of gas to continue going even if it gets rough. 

Studying for college exams sucked ballsacks. Big ones. And the reason? Most of the time I had to research and read up on subjects that did not incite a single spark of interest in me. There were many moments I remembered literally having full body cringes when I would open up my accounting book. It made me feel illiterate, not up to par, useless, and every thing else you wouldn’t wanna feel yourself. I know it irks most people, but it hit me a bit extra. It was like my fight or flight was signaled me to not even try fighting, but run. Run far, far away. 

I eventually did.

I kept running and running and lo and behold, I ended up at the fuckin’ bookstore. Not only did I end up at the bookstore, but it became my secret cove for nearly 8 years. It was there where I began to truly discover myself and the interesting worlds that institutionalized education have refused to bequeath onto me. 

I started exclusively in the magazine sections, because like so many of us, we tend to enjoy books with more pictures. I eventually ended up wandering and perusing the rest of the enormous two story bookstore and my journey thus began. 

My first real mind blowing discovery was the self help section. It drew me in for many reason , but namely because I was a fuckin’ mess at the time. And which is also the reason why I ended up at the bookstore because I was homeless and needed a warm place to be in. I showed up, everyday, no questions or excuses, just like wrestling practice. I read, and read some more. Hours would breeze by and the only reason I would know is because of my leg falling asleep and my ass getting sore and numb. The pursuit of self development lead me to peruse various other section. And because of the way I think, it was imperative of me to indulge in various subjects along the same time period. 

Many will see that as a downfall, or even a waste of time, but what I’ll say is not everyone puts mayonnaise on their sandwich. I thrived on reading on a whim and going back and forth. Chaotic clarity. Not to mention, death metal or math core are my musical preferences while I study.

Geez, it nearly 4am and I gotta wake up at 9.

[jinkahn]

Live your life to the fullest because life is too short to abide by someone else’s rules.

I mean, that’s like the butt end of a cheesy line in a movie.

And that’s because we’ve heard it so many times that it literally has no depth of meaning for the majority of us. However, if you actually sit down and read it with some dignity, you’ll see that it is very difficult to oppose. 

Why wouldn’t you embrace this ONE unique thing you call ‘life’ and see what there is to it?

Here’s another weird one. When you hear it, read it, you always agree or would initially refuse to disagree... until ‘real life’ comes in and squabbles your dreams of living life to the fullest. 

What then, is ‘real life’?

Real life is your own perception of life, not life as a whole or in a general sense. And you might use that phrase ‘real life’ to describe how ridiculously mundane and unfair your life is compared to what you can imagine it to be. Or maybe you compare your life to that of others and develop an entire personality enveloping passive enviousness. 

Whatever route you decide, or how you decide to filet it, it is indeed real life. For you that is. Because real life is defined by you and you alone. You might think that you must adhere to certain life ‘protocols’, but if you were to meditate on it, or think upon it deeply, you’d come to the conclusion that whatever chains you bound yourself with are merely imaginary. 

Yes, imaginary. 

What’s the worst that could happen if you went after it? Really think about it. Will it hurt? Will it be hard? Might you die?

Would you rather live on your knees or live on your feet?

There is not right or wrong, nor better or worse answer. The decision is solely based upon what you truly want for yourself. And at times we feel the urge to step back and reflect on our decision or answers. but on second thought, you already know deep inside what you want and what is holding you back. 

Sure if you sat down and wrote it all down you could probably conjure up more reasons whether to go or give up, but your heart knows what you really want.

And what you truly want will differ from what you go after. The only difference is, if you go for your dream, you’ll do it earnestly... and enjoy every fuckin second of it. 

It’s likely that you didn’t need to be told to ride your bike. Riding a two wheeled piece of stainless steel aimlessly in your neighborhood was fun. But what you didn’t give a shit about was about how dangerous it actually could be. One slip on a pebble could’ve meant death, foreal. You’re not exactly signaling and casually riding your bike along the sidewalk as a child. You’re more likely to be speeding down the street, trying to catch up to your friend or to beat him to the destination. Well, at least that’s how I rode my bike.

And lo and behold, I fell and busted my ass multiple times. I fucked up my hip so bad that you could see my hip bone. There was hardly any bone because my flesh was just cleanly rubbed off by the pavement. I’ve miscalculated the distance of the curb while wearing 90′s sunglasses, ran right into it and my balls right in to the steering wheel. And never ONCE did I ever think about not riding my bicycle. Never ONCE did I slow down my speed. NAH. I went faster because as I aged I got stronger. I started doing tricks that involved me standing on the steering handle. This is real life folks. I didn’t give a fuck about injuries because I loved what I did. 

And for some of you stuck up, overly cautious tool bags who haven’t even begun to live life yet reads that would think... ‘Well, you’re just an idiot’. And you know what, in the past that would’ve bugged me. But at this moment, I genuinely feel pity. Not in a negative way either. I feel pity in a way where a neglected dog is no longer able to trust humans and ends up tied onto a steel chain until his last breath, thinking humans are pieces of shit. 

What?

Yea, think about it. When you hear how some people talk, you can see how they’re just old grumpy granddads at the prescription line at the CVS in training. They can’t wait to get old and sick so they can spout criticism. Damn kids, they might say. 

Kids aren’t damned, they’re pure. Kids are what we all are, because we all once were. That same kid that felt the butterflies, had no fear of heights, enjoyed simply being with friends and not drinking alcohol, being high as fuck even without weed, getting sick and having the warm feeling of their mother’s embrace... And that grumpy old man might say those things because somewhere down the line, he forgot. He forgot how wonderful life could be... He shunned all of those imaginations and dreams he had as a child. Why? To please his parents, please his teachers, please society. And in that time, he convinced himself that his thoughts and feelings weren’t important enough to impress society. Hence, so of course his ‘real life’ is condemned to, well, his ‘real life’. 

[jinkahn]

Why is it so difficult to pursue our deepest desires? Living a world of seemingly endless possibilities, we are faced with equal parts of hindrances and obstacles. 

Objectively seen, our obstacles seem moot, but it inflicts us like a deep wound that we refuse to stitch up. We allow it to gape, remain unchanged, barely keeping it from infection and thereby reducing the quality of our life.

When in fact, through a  temporary bout of pain, however serious, we may be able to stitch up our affliction. Perhaps we’re looking for the best surgeon, someone to heal our pain without more pain. What we can’t grasp is that the only way to mute the inevitable pain is to go to sleep. To leave this world. We refuse to experience this world, this world that we stress so much over to experience. It is a paradoxical juxtaposition we remain in for most of our lives, if not all of it. 

What will it take to repair that? How does one repair it? Is it meant to be repaired?

[jinkahn]

Too many of us live our lives through someone else’s. We look up to figures that are seemingly invincible, in regards to our beliefs. We relegate our dreams and ideals onto another and stretch forth until you have nearly forgotten yourself. You begin to concern yourself, and also your emotions, with that of another. 

Living vicariously has become a mainstay in today’s world. We have many more people in the spotlight, and many more ‘Sims’ we can choose from and live for. We wait for the other to perform first, and imitate after seeing the result. Which of course becomes a scapegoat, and a replication rather than an authentic motive or feeling. 

It brings us the same drama and semi predictable outcome, but we slowly begin to lose ourselves. That is, until we find another hero to replicate and ensue the same process. 

We are no longer living a unique life, but we are living a life that is an ideal of what the media brings us. 

Free will is the freedom to choose, but continually, and delibrately choosing to live like another can’t be of the same essence. 

The main reason is because actions should be from a introspective purpose or reason. Whereas simply, and always imitating another exemplifies that of a busy but soulless or empty life. How could one enjoy a life that is not real?

We escape our body as much as possible. However, we can not escape the truth, and the truth is that our bodies crumble when we neglect it to become another. 

Your is my command says God, the universe. You neglect your own beliefs, your own experience, your own body so much that the body which you currently house will naturally crumble in order for you to come back to earth.

Relinquish your current body so you may somehow reincarnate into the body of another.

The paradox is that you won’t become enliven in the exact person that you once idolized. Regardless of what body you inhabit, the necessity of virtues are inescapable. The need for experience and self regulatory affairs are mandatory in order to be. 

The truest truth is that you are you, and the more you try to avoid it, the further you distance yourself from the truth. The purpose of you is to be you. Don’t scramble your brain with the virus of someone else’s thoughts. By all means listen and consider. Expand yourself by empathizing with others experiences, through education, through trial and error. But how dare we even attempt to resist ourselves?

[jinkahn]

So many thoughts ring in my head at the same time that I don’t know where to begin.

I have a gallimaufry of ideas that swarm interchangeably, as if they fight for supremacy. I swim a thin line between the world that we know, and the esoteric dream one may subjectively presume.

Are dreams purposeful? I believe they are. Dreams are not only interpretations, but a movie that your higher self presents in sequence as a guide. It is a guide for those who listen, and can fathom the underlying prisms.

Those that allow themselves to submerge in the hodgepodge of meaning can journey one step closer. One step closer to where?

Who knows.

The idea of being free is the equivalent to being lost. There is no principle direction one must adhere to, because without wonderment, there can not exist accomplishment.

The idea of being free is liberation into darkness in which we decide to wield the burning torch to light our path. And as we journey, if we so please, we leave behind remnants of what may or may not have been.

Read as I romanticize an idea. Of what purpose does that hold? Perhaps it is the simple exercise of language. Or maybe it’s an infant mind using goo goo gah gah in attempt to grasp the universe. Of what purpose is that? None, to you.

People seek satiation, contentment, and this thing called happiness. But by what means do we deride this seemingly aimless purpose? We can skip the verboten vernacular.

It all comes down to emotions.

[jinkahn]

Chase

Before you chase, form an image of the image you want. Chase after. A dream is fleeting, it is quickly forgotten. Imagine your image. Form the body, every line of it. The epitome of perfection of yourself. Take mold of not only the visual, but also the emotions of that person. Formation. Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. Live in the feeling of that you want to be. The attainment of what you feel is inevitable. First assume the feeling. Don’t allow what anybody out there tells you. 

Imagine the struggles. Imagining the struggle will prepare you for the struggle. For every endeavor that is worht inesting time in, requires conflict and struggles. You prepare the obstacles, and the difficulty of it. The more difficult the struggle, the greater the outome. There is no cheating. There is no luck. 

You are the creator. You can never know intellectually. This has been known forever. 

[jinkahn]

The first song I listen to... after mushrooms. 

[jinkahn]

Quit Your Fuckin Job

Do you really want to work your shit job for 40+ hours a week for the next 30+ years? 

360 months of your life sitting indoors on a beautiful day. 

Dreading the next 1800 Sunday’s because you have a shit job to go to the next day. 

The next 1800 Mondays you’ll be complaining about on Facebook. 

10,000 hours spent sitting in traffic... to go somewhere you don’t want to be so you can sit there for another 9 hours.

And of course, the 10,000 hours you will spend sitting in traffic on the way back home.

Do you know what you can accomplish in 10,000 hours? 

But of course, it’s possible that you enjoy the work you do. In that case, carry on. 

[jinkahn]

Martial arts, any art, is perishable

Practice daily

[jinkahn]

Suspend your beliefs, for an hour. 

[jinkahn]

Thought Stream 2

Silence can drive us mad. Hence, we try our best to fill in the gaps of conversation with moot words. But what happens then when we are afraid to speak? And it’s not coincidence that the things we want to say the most are often the things that are least spoken. 

Speaking up about truths is the deadliest, as not everyone is always keen on knowing it. Special interests usually lie dormant in fear of judgement. And our clothing belie our identities, changing shades so frequently. 

What then can we make of our own thoughts? Were they meant to be shared or stored? Some are bequeathed, some are jettisoned to paper, some seem to linger and at times mutate. 

Expression seems to be a dying art. We falter at opportunities to shine, fail to emanate our colors to the world. Which then we forget to share, not only our thoughts but our things. Our things that were never ours to begin with. We only borrow from earth, but we can’t seem to share what is uniquely ours. The only absolute thing that we create without taking. Our thoughts.

It’s no longer fair in our world. We shun those who speak up and praise those who mutter. The critics and martyrs and haters gallantly stride through, while the voices of love are stoned. The news channels make a killing delivering news of chaos and destruction. A disaster is adorned with dollar signs and our miracles are drowned out, as if it never existed. 

Being positive brands you as a hippie and telling the world about beauty is crazy. Russell Brand. Is the obvious too obvious? Is too obvious too hard to see? Perhaps we made it a habit of pretending we didn’t see and made it a habit of ignoring things that seems too far to see. 

We ask for strength, we ask for a wake up call, we ask for miracles. But maybe you wouldn’t notice one. 

Sometimes people wait to be told what they want to hear, rather than take heed at what they need to hear. Need, meaning what they themselves truly would have to hear to approach where they want to be. 

Simplicity is mistaken for ____. People like to sound smart and simple explanations just don’t merit opportunities to amaze people into quandary. You might shake your head, but that doesn’t mean that you always understand. 

Don’t follow the words as much as you chase the meaning, because it is essentially the meaning we strive for. 

[jinkahn]

QuickFix: Hangover

There’s a lot of bullshit out there, and hangover ‘secrets’ are on of them. Here’s the real way to ease/prevent them.

#1 Take a B-Complex Before Drinking

Alcohol is a stringent, externally and internally. It can ‘cleanse’ you of foreign invaders in the body, but it also kills the healthy stuff too. One of the things that it depletes you of are B-vitamins. Rather than taking individual B-vitamins, invest in a proper B-complex, because B-vitamins work better when they are taken together.

#2 Eat Fats

Your liver is your body’s main filter, among many other jobs. And too much of anything can put stress on your liver, alcohol included. We all know that alcohol abuse can lead to many detriments, and cirrhosis of the liver is one of them. To assist your liver in breaking down alcohol, try ingesting beef tallow (fat) during and/or after a night of drinking. Fat, specifically beef fat assists your liver in breaking down alcohol molecules, as well as preventing damages. I knew there was a reason Vietnemese pho tasted so good after 10 shots of soju! 

Also, try Korean bone broths, or any beef based soup. It’s packed with a ton of electrolytes as well!

#3 Drink Water

I think most of us knew this one, but it begs repeating. Drinking water before, during, and after drinking will help dilute the alcohol in your body and also assist your body in breaking it down by helping it lower the concentration of alcohol molecules. 

And that’s it. Like many things in life, the ‘secrets’ are actually quite simple, yet so powerful. There is no secret concoction or potion, just intelligent use of our everyday accessible items.  

BONUS

Avoid sugar. Before drinking, after drinking, and for most of your life. 

[jinkahn]

QuickFix: Anger

Anger is an emotion. A confused emotion. 

How could he/she do that to me? Why the f*** is this happening to me? Why does God hate me?

When anger arises, your blood boils. You are more inclined to behave or act irrationally. Anger arises more often in people who don’t know themselves well. They might see things as attacks on them, or it might remind them of a bad incident, and one might project that insecurity through either action or hurtful words. It’s in our nature to put out into the world what we believe is inside of us. A hateful person will most likely project hate, and a person full of love will overflow love onto others. 

Not all of us have this love in us all the time. And anger is a proper emotion that is experienced, so we must treat it with respect. Shunning it, or pretending that we aren’t mad will only result in a bigger disaster. A thought or an emotion that is never dealt with. Hence, becoming a huge detriment for potentially the rest of your life. 

Anger is energy, a very strong and palpable energy at that. And the quickest way to rinse yourself of the initial energy buildup is to release it in somehow. Unfortunately, we can’t run around wielding a sword and slash at people whenever we get upset. So, instead, try washing your clothes.

Washing clothes? Well, wringing out a towel.  Start by soaking a cotton cloth/towel in water. Then think about what has angered you, and as best you can, project that emotion into the towel. Feel through your whole body as the anger permeates your system. Don’t fight the anger, let it be and be aware of it. Then when you feel ready, wring that fuckin towel until you’ve squeezed every drop of water out of it. Rinse and repeat.

Of course simply wringing out a towel will only give you temporary solace, but at least you can think with clear mind afterwards. And that is the key. Once you can belch that initial irrational anger, you can contemplate/meditate on the real issue at hand with more depth. 

Punching something works too, but I believe wringing water out a cloth is more helpful because you can actually see the work of your endeavor. Try it out and let me know what you think. 

[jinkahn]

Know Thyself (Feeling Lost?)

“To understand yourself is the beginning of wisdom.” – Krishnamaurti

Sounds simple, but it is this very task that we spend our entire lives mulling over. And it doesn’t matter who you are or what your circumstances are. If anyone were to look deep enough, it is our most sought out after goal. Everything in which we do, we are directly or indirectly seeking to find ourselves.

So who are we? Underneath all the rubble, the bullshit we toppled onto our soul... What is the truth, gem, and holy grail we so seek?

We are love, my friends. 

We are simply love. Now, one might gloss over this paramount realization, but it takes a long hard journey to not only come across this fact, but more importantly, to embody or become struck with the epiphany through personal reflection and experience.

Love isn’t only a bond between two individuals. It isn’t Valentine’s day cards, or even boxes filled with chocolate. Love is the absolute emotion, that feeling that once you become to closer to, you will know that nothing else matters.

A champion who tells you it’s great being a champion will not reverberate through your soul as it does his. A friend who describes what skydiving is like can not transfer that same feeling to you. Hence, it is our responsibility, and our God given right, that we have the freedom to shout, crawl, and climb to the precipice of knowing true self. And true self, is love. 

That is, if you want to. And I know you do; To know your place in this world. To know why you feel so empty sometimes. To know why you need know.

With that said, feeling lost is very much part of the process. It is by experiencing the feeling of not knowing and emptiness that we are given an impetus to seek. The journey begins with an empty goal, but eventually becomes a quest to fill the soul. 

As humans we are a true miracle. A creature, much like any other on our planet. And yet, compared to others we have the ability to sit, lay, or stand and reflect deeply... about anything. This is where the ‘problem’ of feeling lost arises. 

When one reflects deep enough, we begin to question things. Questions that can’t be instantly answered. And in contemporary culture, an immediate answer does not jive well within us. If the question can’t be answered through a paragraph via Google, we tend to stray from our wonder. But it is this exact sequence that leads us further into the wilderness without a map or a compass. 

Receive this as your cue to either knowingly begin or continue on your journey. 

Some will pick up a new hobby. Some will sell all of their belongings and backpack the world. Some will just start drinking to dull the senses.

None of the aforementioned are right or wrong. Whatever steps one takes is always a progression towards self, albeit forwards or backwards. But it is those who are aware of love that tend to find more peace along the way.

Most of us tend to believe that our journey belongs to the world. That it is through secular means that we will finally find peace and the warmth of being.

Our secular society wants us to earn more, buy more stuff and wear clothes that earn acceptance. We are expected to project an image that exudes an ideal person. So we slave away at our offices, then coerce ourselves to hit the gym so that we aren’t judged by our body fat percentage.

Needless to say, earning lots of cash, driving a gorgeous car, and having a healthy body isn’t a bad thing, at all. Let’s all hope that we could experience such luxury in this life. However, when your freedom to express what you truly feel is hindered by your perception of what other people expect of you, no amount of luxury would satiate your heart. 

Patrick Bateman had it all. A stunning high rise apartment in NYC with a good view (not as good as Paul’s though), a corporate job in which he made more money than he knew what to do with, a group of friends with high social status, a gorgeous girlfriend, and the body of Greek god. Essentially, he embodied everything that our society expects of us, at least from a male point of view, what a well established man should have. 

“All it comes down to is this: I feel like shit but look great.” ― Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho

A lot an be read into this classic, but we’ll narrow it down to what we’re after. Having things and satiating one’s egotistical needs will never suffice for the fulfillment of one’s life. And although we are referring to one fictional story, this pattern is ubiquitous amongst first world countries. 

Depression, or the void of the soul as I like to call it, is projected to be a top 3 killer within 5 to 10 years. And of course we can’t simply attribute all of depression to this, but I’d say it’s in the forefront. The disease of appeasing everyone but yourself. 

Patrick Bateman is quite verbose, and most of his lines are filled with tell tale signs of depersonalization, or simply losing grasp of reality. But in one of the rare incidences that he actually feels, he confesses his true need. But perhaps a bit too late.

“And later my macabre joy sours and I’m weeping for myself, unable to find solace in any of this, crying out, sobbing “I just want to be loved,” cursing the earth and everything I have been taught: principles, distinctions, choices, morals, compromises, knowledge, unity, prayer—all of it was wrong, without any final purpose. All it came down to was: die or adapt.” ― Bret Easton Ellis, American Psycho

And this, ladies and gents, is how it works. Some of us beat ourselves up so badly, become so ignorant of our needs, that we eventually crush ourselves into vulnerability. However, being vulnerable is the state of being that allows you a glimpse of your true self. Vulnerability (and/or a heroic dose of entheogens) is where you melt away the ego, giving you the ability to see within and recognize your needs. 

Stop acting too tough to feel. Stop acting like everything is okay. Stop acting like you’re happy when you’re not. Stop acting, period, and recognize bitches. Recognize that you are human, that you are fallible, and that it is okay. Because it is through the pursuance of our journey that we will incur mistakes. And mistakes are how we learn. 

“Love is a verb.” - John Mayer 

I urge you to stand up and start walking your path. I can not tell you where the road starts because freedom and free will is your God given right. You can begin anywhere towards any path. Find excitement in that. Your only goal is knowing yourself. Hence, your goal is knowing love.

THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU.

[jinkahn]

Know Thyself (lone wolf)

I’m a lone wolf by nature. 

I enjoy having alone time to reflect on the day, my interactions, and myself above all. Some see it as a strength, some as a weakness, but I believe it is both and neither. There are times when I would like nothing more than to be surrounded by people, and other times where I would rather be unseen,left alone with a good book and my thoughts.

And because I confirm my personal truths, I tend to have a sharper tongue with less filters. This is me and being a lone wolf does not mean I am hiding. 

With that said, I tend to spend more time alone. However, it doesn’t mean that other people aren’t around when I am ‘alone’. My favorite alone spots are at the beach, a coffee shop, or a book store. There are always people around, but none that I have to endear any unnecessary conversations with. My alone time could be a long stroll through NYC, simply enjoying the weather, doing some people watching, and working on my stride and gait as I walk. Strange, I know, but it’s what I do and a topic for a different blog. 

I have self diagnosed myself as an empath. An empath being an individual who have an innate ability to feel the mood and projections of others. I admit that it is quite difficult to be around someone who is very shallow and ignorant. When faced with this type of person in a social setting, I can’t help but feel uneasy and somewhat tense. And it doesn’t help that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It is quite difficult for me to hide my disdain for certain individuals. However, in my alone time, I can simply (and politely) ignore these types of individuals without any repercussions. 

Perhaps this has to do with my low tolerance of fools who can potentially ruin my own mood. 

I believe that it is because I take much alone time to become closer to myself, that I am better able assess and empathize with another. Within that realm, I almost feel obliged to dig, search, and extricate the others emotional blockage.

We are all human, hence we all have the ability to feel. And having been through such hard times in my life, there are very few things that I can’t relate to. But it’s also important to note that I have experienced neglect and being ostracized during my hardest times. No one cold understand what I was going through, and it was a very, very difficult period. So when another is going through their own struggles, I feel compelled to offer some droplets of gold to help ease their path. Even as I write this, it is my intention and hope that it can reach out to someone who is also in need.  

One doesn’t have to justify the way they are, especially with generalized labels. But it is important that one knows themselves well enough to know what they are, what they want, and where it’s taking them. Again, it all reverberates the old addage “Know Thyself”.

And for me, I do that best while alone.

[jinkahn]

Thought Stream (unedited)

So when we can’t figure out what to write, we just open up a page and let our fingers do the talking. It then becomes a steady stream from the frequencies in the air translated through my brain and written by my hands. 

Wholesome and outstanding is this entire world and how it functions. Sometimes I feel as though I am continually lost in my astonishment of it all. It can prove deleterious in certain aspects of my existence, but perhaps this is the learning experience I must experience before I ruse into another cylindrical composition in the whirlwind of possibilities. 

I jumped in. Head first. I think it hurt at first, because I wasn’t prepared. It couldn’t have come at a better time though. I was at a point of destruction back in my old state, which I certainly no longer call my home. 

I am home wherever I go, because wherever I go I must bring myself. 

And slowly but surely I have begun to understand that regardless of where I do go, I am still on earth abiding by the same principles and laws that governed my since my inception on this planet.

It’s somehow so strange that I can speak of my existence as an alien who compromised his own sanity to experience something of a human life. The human life is... so interesting they said. They continually stumble upon problems and yet can not seem to grasp the notion of being. 

But perhaps this is the paradox in humans and our evolution. We are one of the intelligent species that exist in this universe that can’t help but make mistakes and do things that don’t make sense. Because from things that don’t make sense, come realizations and more importantly, larger polarities. 

Things can get messy when you play with fire, because fire melts things together. And when you melt things together, the entire formula changes. 

This is the exciting part, no? That we can circumvent these horrors of unpredictability and uncertainty and constantly find the beauty within that entropy. 

Feel free to do as you please. Understand that consequences are part of the equation of every formula. And maybe switch the word consequence with the phrase ‘on-going result’. For we are continuous beings who float amongst both the tangible and intangible. 

Feel free, live free, be free. There’s nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

[jinkahn]

Water, is not simply water. Water is life.