jinxed-venting

[jinxed-venting]

*Just as a note, most of what I'm going to say is targeted at people in the notes who apparently don't know what a hyperfixation is. "Hyperfixation" refers to a medical symptom of autism and ADHD (which are neurodevelopmental disorders), plus some mental health disorders. Hyperfixations aren't healthy, and frankly people need to stop acting like they are. Just because I have sideblogs for my hyperfixations doesn't mean they don't negatively impact my life. Hyperfixations aren't "I eat, breathe, and sleep this shit," hyperfixations are debilitating obsessions that interfere with your life and sometimes even your ability to function as a human being.

Hyperfixations, as a symptom of a neurodevelopmental disorder, aren't healthy. They're an obsessive fixation on a specific thing, whether that thing is good or bad.

I've lost sleep over hyperfixations. I've hyperfixated on plane crashes caused by bombs (Pan Am Flight 103 for example), and did so while I had family taking a plane to travel out of state which absolutely demolished my mental health. I've forgotten to eat, drink, or even go to the bathroom because I got so hyperfixated on something.

You're acting like hyperfixations are inherently healthy, which they aren't and never are, it's why they're a symptom of a disorder.

In addition to all this, I personally find it incredibly difficult not to ramble to anyone who will listen about my special interests and hyperfixations. If someone will listen, I will talk their ear off about zoology, Sonic, medicine, and whatever else I feel like talking about. Shit like this makes me self-conscious about that, to the point I don't even share those interests with my dad because he commented on it once when I was like 12. Yeah, explain that some aspects of a hyperfixation or special interest are unhealthy, but don't fucking tell someone "stop hyperfixating on this" or "stop talking about this" because it causes lasting issues. You should've told this individual the issues with how they were talking about this person, not told them to quit a hyperfixation???

Additionally, to anyone who thinks this sounds like a regular crush: I've had hyperfixations function like this. I ditched Sonic for a year after two years of hyperfixating on it off and on because the fandom was toxic and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. Additionally, I've had crushes, and maybe it's just because I'm more introverted but I don't talk about my crushes like that. As someone who's experienced multiple hyperfixations in my 20 years of life, Anon is accurately referring to their classmate's fixation as a hyperfixation. The fixation being on a person doesn't make it not a hyperfixation and "crush" and "hyperfixation" aren't mutually exclusive, fuck off.

Also, everyone in the notes acting like a hyperfixation needs to be "okay" or "morally right" (including the person who submitted the original post) is ableist. That's not how hyperfixations work. Autistic people don't control our hyperfixations (or special interests for that matter). Acting like autistic people or people with ADHD can just stop hyperfixating on something at the drop of a hat is ableist because that's not how hyperfixations fucking work. Did you miss the "hyper" at the beginning of the word hyperfixation??? Hyperfixations are obsessive and not easily broken, that's why they're considered a fucking symptom. The person Anon is referring to didn't have the person they were fixated on get mad and then they stopped, Anon confronted them which made them upset, then the person they were fixated on got mad and they stopped. It wasn't a sudden thing and hyperfixations aren't always long-term in the first place.

In addition to ALL of this, we don't know how much this hyperfixation the person Anon is talking about had negatively affected their life, but it sounds like it negatively impacted it significantly. THAT'S A HYPERFIXATION.

In conclusion, if you're one of the people who think hyperfixations and crushes are mutually exclusive, or you think hyperfixations should always be healthy and morally okay:

Aita for telling an autistic classmate to stop having a certain hyperfixation?

This happened awhile ago but I'm curious.

A bit of a background: They're autistic and in the year below me, I'm not autistic but neurodivergent nonetheless (my diagnosis isn't important here), so this isn't a case of a neurotypical person getting fed up with an autistic person's hyperixations. You see, their hyperfixation was on a specific person, a friend of theirs. They'd talk about this person 24/7, everything was about that person. Which, would be fine and all, if the way my classmate talked about the person wasn't incredibly objectifying. It was all about how the person was so attractive, how my classmate just wanted to steal them away, etc. I was right in the middle of a toxic, codependent friendship with someone who claimed I was his hyperfixation (meaning he was romantically and sexually obsessed with me despite me already being in a romantic relationship). The way my classmate was talking about their person reminded me of how my "friend" would talk about me, and I knew it made me feel like an object with no worth outside of that friend. I didn't want that for this person, and I didn't want my classmate to hurt them by talking about them this way. So I told them, essentially, that they need to quit having that hyperfixation because it will make the person you're obsessed with feel like crap. I didn't mention why I felt this way or anything, they didn't ask- simply responding "Oh." My classmate seemed really upset about what I said, but continued talking about the person nonstop until they did something that made my classmate mad, which caused the hyperfixation to go away. I don't talk to the classmate anymore since they moved and we don't have much in common anymore or anything.

My classmate had never hurt anyone as far as I knew, and I'm fully aware I could've been projecting my experience. Whatever the verdict is won't really change much, but it might help me approach situations like this better.

So, aita?

What are these acronyms?

[jinxed-venting]

So here’s a parenting tip: don’t fucking teach your kids that they can’t say no or you’ll get upset. It’ll lead to people pleasing behavior and eventually your kid won’t be able to say no because they’ll be too focused on other people’s feelings.

How do I know this?

Because I recently realized that this is literally what I went through.

I’ve been taught my entire life (for context I’m 19, turning 20 in January) that telling authority figures no is bad and I’ve always been punished for it. As a result, I put other people’s feelings before my own, and I hate saying no so I just don’t. How’d I notice this and come to this conclusion?

FUCKING ANIMAL CROSSING.

I just want my villagers to be happy and as a result I won’t say no to them. This directly crosses over into my real life. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t refuse to do it, I say I’ll do it then procrastinate until it’s too late for me to do it because I’m emotionally incapable of saying no.

This fucking TERRIFIES me. What’s gonna happen when I’m in a situation where saying “hang on” and procrastinating isn’t an option? What if I start a relationship and get asked to do something I’m uncomfortable with, but because I care more about my partner and their feelings than mine I’m incapable of saying no?

I can’t say no to people, especially people I care about, and that’s fucking dangerous. If you actually care about your kid’s safety, do not teach them that saying no to authority or questioning authority is a bad thing.

Actually I have an example of this happening to me in real life. My dad wanted to go to a pair of back-to-back sports games at the local college (I don’t remember what sport it was, I’m pretty sure it was basketball). Sports games of any kind are overstimulating as fuck to me so I was hesitant, but my dad wanted to go so I decided to go with him. I came home after the first game. Later I mentioned that the noise was overstimulating to my grandma and was literally asked “if it was stressful why did you go?” and my response was “because my dad wanted to go and I didn’t want to disappoint him by not going.” That should not have been my response as an adult, and that is regularly my response when I’m asked why I did something despite not wanting to. Don’t let that be your kid’s response.

Teach your kids that saying no and questioning authority when something makes them hesitate (FOR ANY REASON) is okay. I shouldn’t be worried about being taken advantage of because I can’t say no to people I care about, don’t do that to your kids, for the love of god.

[jinxed-venting]

not sure why but for at least like. an hour i've been convinced nothing's real and i'm gonna wake up from a coma and everything i've lived up to now will have just been a massive dream

[jinxed-venting]

a few things i need to make known about this post and my past regarding the topics mentioned in this post before i continue:

trigger warnings include: crime, drug abuse/addiction, homelessness, the criminal justice system (i'm from the united states so i'll be focusing on that), poor coping mechanisms (self-harm, etc), abuse, ableism, and overall triggering subjects

i was in the legal system starting at 13 until i was 16. for a large chunk of this (from the ages of 13 to 15) i was in a group home for youth (fuck the troubled teen industry, that's an entirely different can of worms i will not open here though).

i have experience with self-harm to the point i would say i have an addiction to it. it's not something i'm proud of but it heavily influences my view on self-harm (that being it usually starts as a coping mechanism and spirals into an addiction).

this is largely me venting about my issues with the united states criminal justice system and legal system generally. if that bothers you, please don't read this post.

"people have more empathy for criminals than law abiding citizens"

or maybe some of us have actually been through the fucking legal system as teenagers and understand that criminals usually have something deeper going on besides just deciding crime would be fun??

general issues i have with how crime is talked about

non-violent robbery and burglary both exist

plenty of the people (but not all) who have robbed or committed burglary in the past are likely not stable enough to be able to afford things on their own. on the other hand, some thieves suffer from kleptomania; being thrown in prison is not going to help a kleptomaniac recover from their kleptomania.

drug addicts should NOT be thrown in prison for being drug addicts; they should be offered treatment and if they decline, make sure they're safe. i am 100% in support of harm reduction facilities (which would allow drug users to continue to use drugs but have immediate access to medical care should they accidentally overdose). if someone gets aggressive or violent when they're high, yes, that's an issue that needs to be taken care of.

systemic issues exist that make certain minority groups more likely to be found guilty of a crime they didn't commit; there are way too many stories of people minorities who were accused of heinous crimes, convicted, and either spent most of their lives in prison or were executed before they could be proven innocent.

drug addiction: risk factors

family history - if you have a family history of drug addiction, you're at a higher chance of becoming addicted yourself.

certain medications you're taking - from what i know, this is actually the most common cause of opioid addiction. this is why people want the pharmaceutical industry held responsible for the opioid crisis. as far as i know a similar thing can happen with benzodiazepines (which was one of my anxieties when i was prescribed xanax). i'm not addicted to sertraline but i am dependent on it, as i found that when i stopped taking it i was emotionally incapable of functioning properly. whether this is because i am actually dependent on it or because it's just been helping me that much i would not be able to tell you.

mental illness - for plenty of mentally ill people, myself included, this is something we don't like admitting, but mental health issues lead people to unhealthy coping mechanisms, including drug addiction. back to my previous point, part of my anxiety with being given xanax was that i would lose control of myself and start taking it outside of how it was prescribed and end up addicted to it that way. thankfully i took one dose, passed out, and decided i didn't like it, so i'm not taking it. my mental health issues have made me tempted to try other drugs though, the main thing stopping me being i have no clue how i'd get my grubby little paws on them.

homelessness

people really like to act like people are homeless by choice for some reason. i'm currently still living with my grandparents and don't know when (or frankly even if) i'll leave because i'm not able to be independent (mostly due to disability, that disability being epilepsy). people who are homeless are not homeless by choice. so let's go through a list.

there is an upsetting amount of disabled homeless veterans. they fought for us but we can't return the favor? like not all veterans have access to the programs that will provide them with government assisted housing.

lgbtq+ youth and young adults get kicked out of their parents' houses way too often without anywhere to go afterwards, ending up homeless as a result. i don't give a fuck what you think as a parent, when you have a kid, you agree to take care of that child until that kid is 18 and you have an obligation to do so (there are exceptions but not agreeing with your kid's sexual orientation or gender identity IS NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM).

it is so fucking hard to make a fucking living wage in the united states and it doesn't help that the mentality seems to be "but you're just entering the workforce, why should you be paid a living wage?" which will lead to an unstable income, which could result in being evicted. honestly most people with this mentality probably also have the "once my kid is 18 they are on their own" mentality which is also super not great.

home environment

it's common for teenagers to get involved in smaller scale crimes (vandalism, theft, drugs, etc) because of how their home life is. how do i know this? i lived with kids in that exact situation for a year and a half. the kids are almost NEVER the issue when it comes to behavioral problems; for example, i was aggressive as a kid, but that likely came from me having undiagnosed autism and nobody knowing how to handle it (something my family agrees on).

in that group home the kids were never the problem. their home lives were. they were almost always either abused, neglected, or just didn't have a great relationship with their parents (or parent, depending on the situation) in general.

genuinely if i found a teenager committing a crime i would explain my history and ask about their home life because 9/10 that's where it starts.

we are not dealing with a crime issue. we are not dealing with a drug issue. we are not dealing with a homelessness issue. we are dealing with a mental health issue first and foremost that is causing the aforementioned crime, drug, and homelessness issues and society's fucked up views on mental health are only making everything worse. to fix criminal justice systems, we also need to fix our mental healthcare systems, including STOP FUCKING DEMONIZING PEOPLE FOR SHIT THEY CAN'T CONTROL. THIS INCLUDES INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. intrusive thoughts are fucking horrifying to the person having them, THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CALLED INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.