jjlunfiltered2 - Tumblr blog

[jjlunfiltered2]

2022, The Year That Was

I have had the most mixed year of my life and it is, at the time I’m writing, just about over or already over depending on when you see this. I have been through a lot, so let go through what I’ve learned first, then look to the future of what I want to happen in 2023.

What I Learned

Starting in January, I finally learned what I had a suspicion of for years: I am autistic. I have pushed through 35 years of working to mask (poorly) my stems like rocking back and forth, shaking my legs, and, returning recently, biting my bottom lip. These are habits in the eyes of others that I cannot help but have tried, to varying degrees of success, suppress so that people wouldn’t see me as weird or creepy or abnormal to scary degree or intimidating. I am autistic and I now know my incredibly unique way of thinking and doing is different from everyone else because I have a brain that’s impossible to duplicate, which, in a way, makes me feel good.

I also learned that I do have sleep apnea big time to the point that my pulmonologist said that I have 85 interruptions an hour. As of now, I’m still trying to get the right mask for my CPAP, so hopefully I’ll have full sleep sessions sooner rather than later.

I have also learned to not trust anyone. That’s pretty harsh, but for a very long time, my trust barriers were incredibly high and took me years to fully trust people. I recently realized that my walls weakened and brought more people into my life, which is fine to a fault, but there’s always been a policy that I’ve enforced where if someone has a problem with me or if I say/do something wrong, DM me, call me, text me, email me, or whatever you have to do to get me one-on-one and tell me so it can be resolved.

But thanks to incidents over the summer and fall, mistakes I’ve made without knowing I’ve made them have cost me friends and social circles almost to the point that I would’ve had complete meltdown. I own up to my mistakes, and I’ve always tried to explain myself as to why I have done said thing, but spreading rumors causes a mob mentality to where people don’t pull you aside and get the story from the source, causing things to spiral out of control. This happens so much so that you can see a true person’s colors to a point where they hate me, they want nothing to do with me, and they discourage others to meet or talk to me. In my head, that makes me feel like I committed the worst social sins possible and think that I’m an incredibly horrible person, when the complete opposite is true. Of course, my anxious brain will conjure all of these things and my logical brain will have to calm me down before I do drastic things. However, what I said in the last paragraph is 100% true, and because of the incidents I went through — which I’m keeping vague to not spark worse consequences — I’ve re-strengthened my walls to their previous conditions to protect me from worse punishments and losing even more friends and costing me possible romantic relationships.

Speaking of relationships, I have survived another full year of loneliness that went from a metaphorical contained brush fire to a full-blown 1,000,000-acre wildfire thanks to the pandemic (which is still a thing). I’ve also found a term that makes me scared of being alone forever: autophobia. With me being touch-famished, demisexual in a college town, and all of my other mental complexities, I worry that I will never find Mrs(x). Right and it’s worrying. I have also learned that I am not against polyamory and open to two or three other women in my dynamic (no men, because attraction limits), even though I am default monogamous would be just fine with someone that loves me for me and will love me to the point that I want them be completely integrated in my as I would be in theirs.

That said, I know that I’m like a teddy bear where love hugs and kisses on the head, cheeks, and lips, and making out to me is my version of someone getting a metaphorical sexual home run. That said, sex is great, but I will never force anything on my significant other(s) — as no one should; NO MEANS NO — but I also have to come to a different realization that I’m a 445lb, 6’3” black man that many women will find intimidating, scary, creepy, or [INSERT ADJECTIVE HERE], even though my closest friends will look at you sideways and wonder where you’re seeing that in me. I can’t help my physical features, but I do my best to be an open book and a lending ear to help people and do better to help myself as well.

What I Want In 2023

In 2023, I want to spread my talents to other people and the world. I’m going to work on making more content, both long-form and short-form as well as the podcasts, Yes, This Is A Podcast & The Pixelated Men, and maybe be on or help make new podcasts as well. I want more people to join and spread the reach of the Locked ‘N Loaded .game (dotGame) Network with more members, developers, & hybrids. I want to expand Studio 6.2 Enterprises with a few more divisions that I can collaborate with and make new content along the lines.

I also want to work on bringing more people to decentralized, community-driven social media, which is why I’m on Mastodon, Pixelfed, Minds, & MOXY. I truly believe that we need to bring the internet back into power of the people and this is just the beginning. (Hint: click/tap the links to add me or see what I’m working on.

I hope that this is a helpful look into my life over the past 365 days and a sports book look into what I want in 2023.

Finally, but not even the last, I want to thank my friends Rachael and Amanda for being the best hosts when I went on my first vacation to San Antonio, @pixelguysean, Cody, Krystn, & Mark for keeping me from the deep end and my sisters and mom for being the anchor that kept me on the ground and pushing forward regardless of what I want, have said/done, and will say/do. I still live with them, but they have made it a goal to help me become a more prosperous, independent person,………..and better at money because math is hard and adulting is worse.

Here’s to a better 2023 than the 2022 we had.

[jjlunfiltered2]

Confirmed: #IAmAutistic

Yes, you read the title right. I have been officially diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder. The diagnosis makes it seem like I'm some sort scary, sick, disabled person or whatever people who don't understand this diagnosis may think.

Thing is, I have known/still know some friends that may be on the spectrum that look and present themselves like normal folks in society. That's one of those things that has bothered the shit out of me, though. Why does someone have to look a certain way or act a certain way to have the condition they say that they have? It's also incredibly ridiculous that people have to prove themselves to any skeptic just because a few stereotypes haven't been met.

When it comes to this diagnosis, my family have known it for a very long time and have even tried to test for it before to no avail. And many people have constantly asked me why I was so gungho about trying to get an official diagnosis. Well, why does anyone go great lengths for any type of diagnosis? It's not for you to worry about. Same thing for me; I wanted answers. I wanted to know why I think in the most outward ways possible compare to others. I wanted to know why I shook my leg and rocked back and forth all the time. I wanted to know why so many people saw so many quirks in me that they don't see in basically anyone else. I also wanted to know why I couldn't concentrate on one thing at a time and even on this post, I could've been done 30 minutes earlier, but I will always inadvertently find a distraction. Apparently depression and anxiety can show the same symptoms as ADD.

And more over, I'm not expecting anything different from people, but maybe it helps answer questions my friends alway have about the behaviors that I exhibit, the way that I think, the mannerisms that I exude.

For so many years, I've wanted to know why I do and say the thing that I do and say, and I have an answer, and am taking steps to make myself better. I will note to people who are in that part in their life where they need to know a diagnosis, fight hard for it. It's not fair that it's going to be hard, but if I can finally have an answer after years of wanting to find answers, your answers shouldn't be that far away. I've been told to accept who I am without answering the questions that I want answered, and my hardheadedness got me to the answers and ready to push forward to the next phase of my life's journey.

[jjlunfiltered2]

I’mma Ruin Your Labor Day

There’s going to be a TL;DR, I PROMISE.

So, here we are. Labor Day. We should all be having fun, enjoying an extra day off, and celeb the last hurrah of summer before whatever Texas calls “Fall”. But notwithstanding the fact that I’m working today, since A&M doesn’t understand your Labor Day (not necessarily complaining, just jealous), just a reminder that:

• Millions are without a job with no end in sight 

• Businesses from the corporate big wigs to locally-owned are closing, many of which will never return

• Systemic racism, regardless of cop vs black or society against the minority is making it feel like the 60s all over again

• Depression, anxiety, discrimination, and suicide rates can easily jump if this keeps on

• We currently sit with a commander-in-chief who, if you come on out your echo chambers, isn’t a fan of soldiers, veterans, democrats (far left to the center), TiKTok users, a press where current journalism students feel like the may never be respected again once they graduate (don’t even get me started), and children in grade school with resources that are sub par or above par but are inaccessible due to living condition (this is more pointed to Betsy DeVos, but his ass appointed her) &

• Did I forget to mention every other person in this country or others that think masks are:

  • “Ïnfrîñgińg œn my Fīrśt Åmëndmėnt rįghtš”

  • “Ællöwš prîvåté būsiñêssès tø kīck mé ôût før nõt rëspécting my Ämêricân rîghts sö theyyyy càn pROmOtè hUMan DecĒÑcy” or

  • “Affecting my health condition covered by HIPAA” (which isn’t even the right government act; you’re looking for the ADA)

Sorry to be the buzzkill for your holiday, but until things get better, I refuse to let the platforms where I can spread the word go to just me letting BS spread.

I honestly legit wanted to just give up and side with other people so I didn’t have to hear how much of bad person I was so I could please them. Yes, these are legit thoughts that have entered my head.

Then, thanks to TikTok (yes, THAT app), I learned that I exhibit the Fawn response all the time (seriously, Google it). Well, this is one thing I not use that response over.

I’m sure many of you are sick of me making long ranting posts about the situation in the country and have probably muted me or are close to unfriending me. Good. That means your skin is too soft to read and take criticism like a decent human being. This, like my birfday, like the Fourth of July, like Memorial Day, like Easter, like AggieCon, like A-Kon, have been cancelled or dialed back severely. You think I really love the situation right now?

Let me repeat the record for you if you didn’t see the last 15 rants:

I have friends, good friends, who I’ve yet to see since JUNE. FUCKING. JUNE. These same friends are struggling to get by and to go through unconventional means to survive. Do you know how many almost sleepless nights I’ve gone thinking about how to make their situation better, how to put a smile on their face at the expense of my mental health because that’s what friends do?

Do you know how many stories I’ve seen of teachers, staff, students, and parents that are not fond of how school operates now? Do you know haw much it pisses me off to the moon that Betsy DeVos gets to sit on her late husband’s Amway global MLM fortune while children have to sit at a McDonal’s JUST to get their homework done?

How about this: do you realize how many times I’ve had to see or hear that Biden & Harris did [INSERT BS RUMOR HERE] with no proof, yet when I come back and refute claim after claim after claim after claim with indisputable evidence they either find something else great about Trump and change the subject or will squirrel around and find some way to spin it in their favor, thus pissing me off even more while I try to avoid going berserk on them because of all the pent up frustration, lack of physical affection to raise my endorphins levels (I’ll get to that), depression, and anxiety I have to hold back?

Look, I’ve mention these things once, and I’ll mention them until I die. Yes, I’ve been told by my own psychologist that I do have long-term depression, severe anxiety, schizotypal traits, and ADD. Yes, physical affection (i.e. hugging & cuddling) do help; ask the people who know me well enough that help me with it. No, I don’t want pity or sympathy because you saw this. A good person who truly is my friend will offer it without me begging for it. What I do want and what I’m asking from all of you is awareness.

2020 IS. NOT. NORMAL. The past 4 years has not been normal. But if you want everything back to the way it was, then you need to do some things:

(1) Yes, all lives matter. But Black live SPECIFICALLY need to matter some more. And if I hear one more time that BS Antifa is controlling it or [INSERT BS BLM CLAIM HERE], I will verbally rip you a new one. Someone breaking into and destroying property and saying “Black Lives Matter” doesn’t mean they understand the underlying cause of this. Put it to you like this, I can run around nude pissing in front of the door of every church and pooping at every mosque yelling “All Lives Matter”, but it doesn’t mean I’m fighting for the same cause hundreds of peaceful, knowledgable people who know exactly what ALM means, does it? Weird example, but I got your attention, huh?

(2) Wearing a fucking mask to all of you Karens and Kevins who fell what I wrote above. A few posts back I was pressured to take this part down, but it’s coming back up. I will have 0 sympathy for you avoiding to wear a mask for whatever reason just so you can be treated special. You can’t/don’t want to wear a mask? There are SOOOOOOOO many alternative shopping options, food delivery solutions, etc you can take in this age. You’re doing something that is (A) easy to avoid and (B) really doesn’t take up much time or hurts you physically (it seriously doesn’t).

(3) VOTE. DO IT. Register to vote……..ONCE. Yes, I actually have to say that. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and even Discord are making it so EASY to help you get active in the polls. If you truly believe that Trump is, in fact, going to continue to “Make America Great Again”, VOTE. If you want to see Joe Biden & Kamala Harris bring change to this county, VOTE. If you think it’s about time Jo Johnson can give us a break from red and blue, VOTE. It’s not hard, it’s you right as an American, and I, like the rest of the country, will be glad you did.

(4) Finally, if all of this is resonating with you, if you’re feeling like I am in your own way and feel like no one is there for you, YOU’RE NOT ALONE. Share this to whomever needs to see this. Seriously. 2020 has divided the world. We need to come back together. Please. For the sake of my well being and others, come together.

TL;DR:…………….You know what? No TL;DR for you! Read the whole damn thing, ya lazy ass!

[jjlunfiltered2]

RACISM, A Post

The confederacy and Juneteenth are tough topics on many ends for whatever you may feel about it. Here's my thing:

As far as flags are concerned, I don't really take that much stock in the flag unless it's universally offensive like the Nazi flag or something like that. The cross & stars are quite synonymous with The south and more importantly the right to keep slavery intact. Thing is. I know a lot of people are up in arms about its bad representation, and completely understand not flying it at public events like NASCAR and the like. Unfortunately, we have to take the bad with the good in our history, and truly educate our present and future societies about why the flag is so controversial.

As far as statues being taken down, once again I worry that we're trying to erase history. I'll say as many times as it is needed to be said, "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it." Defacing Sully or taking down a statue isn't learning from history. This is going to be our inevitable doomed repeating. The compromise that many people bring up, and rightfully so, is put the statues in museums. Let us continue to have our statues, but put them somewhere that we can actually learn about the past and not repeat it in the future.

Juneteenth, for those who didn't have 4th grade U.S. or Texas History, "is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States.  Dating back to 1865, it was on June 19th that the Union soldiers, led by Major General Gordon Granger, landed at Galveston, Texas with news that the war had ended and that the enslaved were now free." (https://www.juneteenth.com/history.htm) "President Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation had officially outlawed slavery in Texas and the other states in rebellion against the Union almost two and a half years earlier. Enforcement of the Proclamation generally relied on the advance of Union troops. Texas being the most remote of the slave states had a low presence of Union troops as the American Civil War ended; thus enforcement there had been slow and inconsistent before Granger's announcement." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juneteenth)

With all that said, I find it odd that now, 155 years later because of the climate that we're living right now, that many places have made it a holiday. And please spare me the bullshit notion that the President is the one that made it famous. To that point think about all of the recognition that the black population is getting now vs sooner than that. I have to ask, why now, in 2020 did it take George Floyd, a man you probably never would've known, dying in the hands of police custody to recognize a problem that has persisted for a long time. Why not when Trayvon Martin died? What about Filando Castille? What about Eric Garner? Hell, what about Rodney Kin in 1991? And what if George wasn't the tipping point? How many more people would've had to die in police custody before we finally woke up and said, "well, shit, we shouldn't just talk about doing something to better law enforce our law enforcement; maybe we should actually pass some laws now"? Seriously, think about what we're going through now compared to the numerous times that someone of color had to go through the same thing with no repercussions or a slap on the wrist in terms of punishment and we barely heard anything about.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm glad we're having this difficult conversation about race relations in the United States. I'm hoping to make a new Raging Pixels episode featuring exactly that. But if someone of color says to you that they were discriminated against, listen to their story. Listen to a lot of stories. Chelsea Reeber on WTAW said last week: "It seems like a lot of what we're doing is yelling and screaming to each other and not listening". And not just black folks, but Latinos, Asians, Native Americans, Middle Easterners, and yes, even whites can, in fact, be discriminated against. While you're at it, talk with people of the LGBTQIA+ community as well. Just because their scientific makeup is different from yours, doesn't mean anything. They're humans like you and me and deserve to be listened to as well. As President Trump would say: "What do you have to lose?"

[jjlunfiltered2]

Coronavirus: How Life Has Changed

Unless you live under a rock, you are very aware of the biggest pandemic in 102 years. Many of us are without a job (about 10M people), others are working from home and over a million infected with this virus while thousands are dead. Mark this down as this is the defining moment of our lives. What happens after we come out of hiding will be incredibly important to get back to a thriving country. What’s it like to be in this for someone like me?

Anxiety vs. COVID-19

My anxiety is actually doing great.

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You know better than that. I’ve been mentally breaking down for the past month now. I know a lot of you are introverts, and quite frankly I wish I was, too, so that I didn’t feel the way that I was feeling. But as an extrovert, and one with ADD, depression, and crippling anxiety, not being around people is like a prison sentence. I know it’s not an apples to apples comparison, but this means I don’t get face-to-face interaction, hugging, & cuddling, until, at minimum, May 1st. Of course if things get worse, this could go on even longer. I’ve been doing my best to play with friends in video games and try not to think about whats going on and broadcasting to people so that everyone has something to enjoy, but this is only helping so much. For many who may have figured out, hugging, cuddling, & snuggling are not only things that I enjoy anyway, but this helps my anxiety and calms me down when I’m rocking or shaking my leg. Medicine only goes so far and psychologists are limited in what they can do. My brain is basically going to be in ultra-overdrive.

Work vs. COVID-19

This part really bums me out. I have a great job and can even drive to work to do work so that I don’t mentally melt and work from home. However, I found out a lot of my friends have lost their jobs, and my best friend Krys can’t do her weekly shows because of the bars closing. Normally I would feel bad in situation like this but its worse. I feel absolutely useless because I can’t do anything to get their jobs back or get a new one. Mentally, I couldn’t handle working at home because I would lose the rhythm of working and focusing on just work while being distracted by all of the home life and have no motivation to leave the house. It sucks to be up her earning money, knowing my friends who were earning their money can’t anymore. 10 million. 10. Fucking. Million. That’s around the amount of people who lost they’re jobs in the span of 2 1/2 weeks. It also makes me worry about what could’ve happened if I was at the previous job and my current one never hired me, and I’m lucky. Very. Fucking. Lucky.

Politics vs. COVID-19

Frankly & honestly, our country handled the virus situation HORRIBLY. This isn’t me being some left wing liberal with an agenda to take down the president. This is me, daily, watching press conference after press conference watching Trump bumbled masterfully so far and he isn’t the only one. We have companies forcing people to work when they don’t need to and could get paid sick/holiday pay but other companies or other places firing people because they can’t afford them but give them no recourse as to what to do and how to get essential things while jobless. People’s lives are on the line in the meantime, we have a president who can’t keep his stories straight, lashes out at reporters for DOING THEIR JOB, lying about things that could help in the pandemic and not taking this seriously until it was too late. And the worst part about it is that there are people that will STILL continuing to back him and defend the indefensible, which is absolutely insane to me.

Religion vs COVID-19

The biggest offenders in the stay-at-home orders are churches. Many have been put online, but there are some that still want people to come in and congregate. It’s these stupid fucking people that gives me another reason as to why I’m Agnostic. God doesn’t care where you pray or worship, but pastors are honestly greedy at this point, and people who take the Bible to heart will believe that God will keep them from being infected, even though they could easily spread the virus around and prolong the stay-at-home orders, thus making me even more crazy.

Honestly, I will get through this, but it’s going to be hard and insane time, and I’m not theoretically alone.

[jjlunfiltered2]

When you find angst of your favorite character(s)…

[jjlunfiltered2]

The Omnicrisis of Love

To set up this story, the events happen in and after the Omicrisis where Earth’s best heroes from Overwatch are tasked with saving the world from Omnics that have been on a rampage.

Well, I have tried to determine all of the orientations of the heroes in Overwatch. One day, I’ll post that, too. For my fan fiction, Tracer (Blizzard confirmed lesbian) who’s in a relationship with Emily (not a hero, just part of the story) also has a crush on D.va, who’s definitely bi.

D.va has the hots for, and after about 3 months after the original Omnicrisis, starts to date Lucio (straight) and likes to hangout at his concerts and DJ gigs and whatnot. She starts also talking to Tracer who previously agreed that, in the midst of saving the world from Omnic crisis, Emily is OK with her being open to other relationships as long she knows about it.

D.Va & Tracer grow true affection for each other as they talk about their missions together, reminisce on training, and get to know each other all while Lucio is none the wiser. Lucio performs all over the world, and is a bit skiddish on the idea of being in such an open relationship. D.Va tossed the idea around home a couple of times with him, thought not looking to turn it down completely, tells her he would have to think about it. D.Va, learning how Lucio doesn’t take to a certain idea until he’s thrown into it. D.Va, knowing this, wants to bring Tracer into the fold and slowly convince him otherwise.

Fast forward to one day when D.Va travels to London with Lucio to a big day event, in which D.Va sneaks off to have a date with Tracer at an Overwatch command base they all have access to after a tour of the city. D.Va was beyond excited that she could see Tracer since Lucio would be performing most of the day. D.Va tells Lucio that she’s going to hang out with Tracer, him not knowing of the “affair” the two have. Tracer shows her many of the famous places in London, as it is D.Va’s first time since the Omnicrisis so it was peaceful enough to go around. Once the two make it to the command base, a full meal was prepped by Emily who loves to cook and knew they were going to be there. After dinner and some loving cuddles, they begin to go a bedroom and slowly get into the sexy times. It’s about 9:45pm when Lucio wonders where D.Va is and notices her phone pinged her location moment after his gig.they share their location with each other since there are time where they have to be in different places and can reunite when they’re done and explore the location that one or the other hasn’t been there in a long time or ever.

He makes it to where D.Va’s location is pinging, calls out to her, and hears rustling upstairs in the base where the beds are. He opens the door to see the lovebirds, barely clothed looking to be shocked that he’s there. He is also in shock but not terribly surprised. He knows that D.Va is a bit impulsive so he tells her to give him a few days to process everything that happened. He tells her he isn’t mad; he’s just not sure what to do next.

A week passes, and Lucio wants everyone over to discuss his feelings and what happens next. Worried about what could happen, D.Va, Tracer, & Emily come by quietly and let Lucio air out everything. He tells them that he was disappointed that D.Va would do this without his knowledge but understands his wanting to do so. He tells them that he wants to give this a try on the condition that D.Va lets him know every time she wants a date night with Tracer but to ALSO let Tracer and Em know when she’s going to be with him so there’s clear communication and, over time, have a quad date once or twice a month, pending schedules and, you know, saving the world.

I don’t know how to finish this story, so have fun filling in the blanks.

[jjlunfiltered2]

#MentalHealthAwareness Stories

As of the time of this post, it’s October 25th, 2019, which falls into Mental Health Awareness Month. I know that there are a lot of people that are suffering and feel that there is a perceived notion that you shouldn’t let someone know how you feel. Allow me to share with you a few stories from within the past few years.

NOTE: I am absolutely not seeking pity or asking for attention. This is to hopefully open up the conversation and allow someone to get the help they need and deserve.

WARNING: READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

For nearly 29 years I never needed to see a doctor or take prescription pills ever. Then one day, after over 7 years working at the longest job I’ve had, I want to go for a move up to the student leading position. I worked my ass off and yes, I’ve made my mistakes over time, but I’ve made up for it by helping everyone that I could, working as much as I could and pushing myself to the limit making sure that I couldn’t be denied.

That day I was up for an evaluation, I felt pretty confident that I was going to move up. Then I was told of incidents that were not brought up to me before I went into this evaluation, like me falling asleep once, I had one bad day where I had a lot of other things that were already bothering me, and I was a little bit short with a couple of customers, plus a couple of other BS claims I don’t even remember, and they told me I would never move up until I made major improvements. I felt like I did my best and pushed myself to the limit but something in me snapped. For a complete :45 seconds, I almost made one of two of the worst decisions I ever thought. I was either going to take this boss and completely beat him to death considering that he was not a fan of me since he started working just a couple months earlier --like, LITERALLY thinking of how many ways I could leave their blood on as much as possible, coming back, smiling, and walking away before I was going to prison-- or I was going to end it all because I couldn’t take any more rejection and I thought that it was only going to get worse without getting any better.

I literally never thought a thing like these thoughts in my life until that moment.

The third voice in my brain was the only thing that was stopping me from committing either thought. It told me, “STOP! If you go through either of the things you were fucking thinking, do you realize how many people are going to be affected if you do this? You will lose your mom & sisters, your girlfriend, your best friend @pixelguysean, your job, and for the low, low, low price of FOREVER if you choose option B, you lose your gahdamn life! So really think you greedy bastard, is what you’re thinking about doing really fucking worth all of this?” I, fortunately, didn’t go through with it, and I’m glad I didn’t considering I have my family, I had a girlfriend at the time and another job that, even though it was minimum wage, I went up a bit and furthered my creative career.

I went to the doctor and became diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety along with high blood pressure and ADD (a bit later on). And trust me when I say, the road from then to now has been nowhere near a cakewalk. Said girlfriend broke up with me, my family lit a few fires up my ass, I lost the other job I was working at around the time of the original story, we left the apartment Sean, Cody & I were living in, I crashed a really good car and almost lost another one, I have had 3 panic attacks, found out/adjusted to being a demisexual, & have yet to find the right woman (kinda because of it, but mainly my stubbornness).

Thing is, I am fortunate that by whatever deities there maybe, I have my family, I still have Sean, and gathered another close friend by the name of Krys Locke, who, currently doesn’t know she’s in this, but damn well deserves as much credit as my family & Sean.

With all of that said, I know FOR A FACT that there are a lot of people that are out there that are not as lucky as I am to have a support system. Below I’m going to link to everything that I could find to help people find the lending voice, caring ear, and venting pillow that may possibly desperately looking for and haven’t found yet......................until now. Or just reach out to me if you choose.

**All @ are Twitter handles**

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention & Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://afsp.org https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org @800273TALK @afspnational 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [[Veterans, Press 1]]

Texas Suicide Prevention: http://texassuicideprevention.org @StopTXSuicides

Military Crisis Line: https://veteranscrisisline.net

INTL In EU: 00800 1273 8255 or DSN 118 *

In KR: 0808 555 118 or DSN 118

In AFG: 00 1 800 273 8255 or DSN 111

* In EU, toll-free service may not be available through all carriers or in all countries Text your message to 838255

[[LGBTQIA+]] @TrevorProject: http://thetrevorproject.org [24/7/365] 1-866-488-7386 TrevorText -- Text "Trevor" to 1-202-304-1200 (Available M-F between 3pm - 10pm EST/12pm - 7pm PT) TrevorChat -- Available 7 days/wk 3pm - 10pm ET/12pm - 7pm PT

TAMU: http://allies.tamu.edu 

[[[Sexual Assault Resources]]]

National Sexual Violence Resource Center: @nsvrc

Texas: @taasa

B/CS Area: @SARCBV 

San Antonio Area: @SARapeCrisisCtr http://nsvrc.org

Local locations here: http://nsvrc.org/organizations