jocelynvivaldo-blog

[jocelynvivaldo-blog]

The Lord’s Prayer

“By the time I had decided that there was no God, I had totally disconnected myself from all physical pain. Whenever Mother struck me, it was as if she were taking her aggressions out on a rag doll....my soul became consumed in a black void....I found that words like hope and faith were only letters, randomly put together into something meaningless–words only for fairy tails.”

At the end of his narrative, David fully exposes how hopeless and empty his life had become. His life has no significance to him and he has a fully pessimistic outlook on everything in life. His diction expresses this and he no longer cares whether he makes it out alive or not because all of his attempts and plans had no success whatsoever in the end. 

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The Accident

“‘David’s going to die. The Boy’s going to die.’ I moved my eyes toward my stomach. On her knees, Mother was hastily applying a thick wad of gauze to a place on my stomach where dark red blood pumped out. I tried to say something. I knew it was an accident. I wanted Mother to know that I forgave her, but I felt too faint to speak.”

From a reader’s perspective, this was the most confusing part of the entire book. The fact that Mother had stabbed David and did not consider rushing him to a hospital even though he could have bled out did not seem to phase him. Contrarily, he was fine with it. He forgave Mother, but why? He so clearly throughout the entire narrative has held her in a negative light, and in an abrupt manner he wants to let his Mother know what she has done is fine. This gives the reader a sense of bewilderment because it does not match David’s feelings, oddly enough.

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Dehumanized

“I felt so degraded; I cried like a baby. I had no self-respect of any kind....I felt lower than a dog.”

David has hit rock bottom in the sense that he no longer feels he can save himself from the terror that haunts him every aching moment of his life. With every minute that passes, his situation only grows worse. David feels regarded as less than a dog, because in reality, not even dogs are treated as bad as he is. He is completely helpless. The syntax of this quote uses sentences that are short in length and this further develops his tone of despondency.

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Object of Argument

“I was no longer a member of the family...Mother had even stopped using my name; referring to me only as The Boy....I had become Mother’s slave. Father was my only hope, and he did all he could to sneak me scraps of food. He tried getting Mother drunk, thinking the liquor might leave her in a better mood....If anything, her drunkenness made her worse. Mother became more like a monster. I knew Father’s efforts to help me led to stress between him and Mother. Soon, midnight arguments began to occur.”

Father still acknowledged David as more than what Mother regarded him as. He demonstrated care and love for his son, but Mother disapproved in every way possible. She did not want David receiving any attention if it weren’t punishment. The fighting between his parents only started happening because of David, which he noticed. He now feels more at fault for the hostile environment of his so-called “home” where he is known as merely, The Boy. David is becoming more aware of how grave his situation is becoming.

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Desperation

“Soon after I had begun to dream about food, I started stealing food at school. My stomach coiled with a combination of fear and anticipation. Anticipation because I knew that within seconds, I would have something to put in my stomach. Fear because I also knew that at any time, I could get caught stealing. I always stole food before school began. I would drop my lunch pail by another pail and kneeled down so nobody could see me hunting through their lunches....Within a short time my classmates began to hate me....The fight for food became a cycle. The principal’s report to Mother led to more beatings and less food for me at the house.”

David deemed there was no other option left for him other than to steal food from his peers, which resulted in him becoming ostracized in his school community as well as from his family. Knowing there was going to be dire consequences from his mother every time he returned home, he continued on in his fight to survive. He is determined to successfully feed himself somehow, and for now his intricate plans of stealing from his classmates will do.

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The Fight for Food

“At night I was so hungry, my stomach growled as if I were a hungry bear. I would drift off to sleep, fantasizing about food....I visualized every inch of the hamburger. The meat dripped with grease, and thick slices of cheese bubbled on top. Condiments oozed between the lettuce and tomato. As I brought the hamburger closer to my face, I opened my mouth to devour my prize, but nothing happened...no matter how hard I struggled, I could not taste a morsel of my fantasy...I would wake up, with my stomach more hollow than before. I could not satisfy my hunger; not even in my dreams.” 

David is being starved by Mother, and this quote truly depicts how distressed he feels over not being able to eat. He is rendered completely helpless that he cannot even eat in his dreams, where he once believed was a safe haven for his fantasies. The simile in which he compared the stomach growling to that of a hungry bear demonstrates how immense his hunger is, and the imagery he provides of the burger deepens the readers sympathy for David, as he believes he would be able to taste something so magnificent and fulfilling to realize he is unable to eat in his dreams, nor in real life.

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Triumph

“My heart surged with relief. The blood from Mother’s face drained. She knew she had lost. For a moment in time, Mother froze....I stood against the wall and began to whimper until I realized that I had beaten her. I had bought a few precious minutes. I used my head to survive. For the first time, I had won! Standing alone in that damp, dark garage, I knew, for the first time, that I could survive. I knew if I wanted to live, I would have to think ahead. In order to survive, I could never give in to her. That day I vowed to myself that I would never , ever again give that bitch the satisfaction of hearing me beg her to stop beating me.”

Here, David is expressing disbelief toward what had occurred. He is surprised that he had gotten out of one of Mother’s horrible punishments. David is suddenly filled with a sense of accomplishment for himself. This is the first time he feels something other than profound devastation and in that moment in time, it changes his outlook on life. He becomes completely self-reliant from this point on, knowing he is his only salvation from his nightmare of a life. The repetition of “I” used establishes this newfound independence in David because he is crediting himself for the victory he had experienced with Mother, which has never happened before. 

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Bad Boy

“I was the only one singled out to look for her things. Once, I forgot what I was looking for....Mother smacked me in the face....Blood gushed from my nose and I began to cry. Mother snatched a napkin, tore a piece and rammed it up my nose. ‘You know damn well what you’re looking for!’ she screamed....I began to fantasize that I had found her missing item. I imagined myself marching upstairs with my prize and Mom greeting me with hugs and kisses....But, I never found any of Mother’s lost things, and she never let me forget that I was an incompetent loser.”

Mother had made David look for items that were not necessarily lost, but she wanted to make his life impossible. Mother was starting to think of the various ways she would make her son’s life unbearable, which she was slowly achieving; David now relies on his imagination to think of scenarios where his life wasn’t so miserable. To his disappointment, his imagination does not get him far, as his reality always broke through and reminded David how desolate his life truly was. The diction used here intricately depicts how aggravated Mother was, and how monstrous her actions were. The addition of “incompetent loser” adds depth onto how David was feeling, which was hopeless because it demonstrated how lost he felt from his existence.

[jocelynvivaldo-blog]

Good Times

“The green river was as smooth as glass. The bluejays scolded the other birds, and a warm breeze blew through my hair. Without a word, we stood watching the fireball-like sun as it sank behind the tall trees, leaving bright blue and orange streaks in the sky. From above, I felt someone hug my shoulders. I thought it was my father. I turned and became flushed with pride to find Mom holding me tightly. I could feel her heart beat. I never felt as safe and as warm as that moment in time, at the Russian River.” 

David is reminiscing his last pleasant memories with Mother, that over time would become buried deep into his memory. He didn’t know it at the moment, but he would have given anything to experience peace in his family’s presence at least one more time. The imagery of this piece incorporates similes from comparing the river to glass, to “the fireball-like sun.” This was in the last, soon to be, aching moments where he realized his family appeared to only radiate happiness in his heart, as it would soon become a void. In the last sentence, David recalls that this was the only instance in time he had felt safe in Mother’s arms, where he was drowned in affection rather than despair. 

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The Rescue

 “‘Oh no! I’ve done something wrong...again.’ The nurse must have seen the concern in my eyes. She puts the clipboard down and hugs me. ‘God.’ I tell myself, ‘She is so warm.” I don’t want to let go. I want to stay in her arms forever. I hold my eyes tightly shut, and for a few moments nothing else exists. She pats my head. I flinch from the swollen bruise Mother gave me this morning. The nurse then breaks the embrace and leaves the room. I rush to put my clothes back on. She doesn’t know it, but I do everything as fast as possible.”

David, a mere 10 year old boy, was summoned to the nurse’s office for a routine exam she frequently does on his face and arms. He is afraid of telling adult’s his truth, which is the horrific and severe abuse his mother inflicts onto him on a daily basis, and he immediately panics when the nurse senses something is more wrong than usual. There are discrepancies in the story David repeats to the nurse, one that Mother has brainwashed him into saying. The tone demonstrated above is one of alarm yet serenity in the short lived amount of time where his heart is warm and his need for care is momentarily fulfilled. The ellipsis in the first sentence thoroughly depicts the feeling of anxiety in that moment, as he was fearful of what to expect next. What occurred after was a pleasant surprise; David is met with an embrace rather than the negative outcome he expected. The syntax of this piece includes sentences, majority of which, are short in length which establishes and develops the tone, as the short sentences indicate more emotion and add a vivid and intense effect to David’s recollection of his trauma.