joelcarlyle-blog

[joelcarlyle-blog]

[joelcarlyle-blog]

Joel couldn't sleep. He had a lot of trouble sleeping as of late and he wasn't all that sure why. He slipped out of bed and the warmth radiating off of his boyfriend as he pulled on a pair of jogger pants and a Palmetto hoodie before pulling on a pair of socks and his sneakers. He grabbed his phone and wallet and started off toward the court. He usually ran but tonight he walked. The fresh air helped to clear his head and that's what he needed.

He thought about going to the court itself to throw a ball at the wall but instead he went to his office and sat on the couch going over the tapes Wymack had given him of potential players for the team. He was so immersed in them that he never heard someone come in.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

“Oh Case,” He cooed. “I would never let you slip, you know that right?” He took Casey’s face in his hands, stroking his cheeks lightly as he spoke. He could read Casey like his favorite book and always knew exactly what he was thinking. “And you don’t have to explain, babe, I understand.” He closed the distance between them and kissed his boyfriend softy. “I love you more than anything in this world.” He grinned, kissing him a few more times. 

He met Casey halfway, sighing softly as they kissed. he could honestly do this for the rest of life and never complain. “You know, you could’ve  just grabbed one of my hoodies. They probably smell more like me than a pack of my smokes. Which by the way, you owe me a new pack.” He said as he broke the kiss and pulled back, hand rubbing Casey’s thigh as he spoke. “I was out looking for you, butthead. I was worried when I couldn’t find you and I was afraid something happened.” He finished softly, a shiver rippling through his body as Casey tucked the hair behind his ear. He pulled his hand back from Casey’s thigh and fidgeted slightly with the string on his hoodie. “I also have a present for you. Close your eyes and no peeking or you’re not getting any tonight.” He got up and went to the Jeep, getting the bulldog puppy from the backseat. He cradled her in his arms as he walked back and sat back down. He set her in Casey’s lap, grinning. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

“That racquet just–hit me in the arm that I broke last year.” He sighs and leans into Joel’s space when his boyfriend comes to sit next to him, back in his orbit circling the brightness of the sun. He’s not in any danger of being lost to the past anymore, the only thing that matters is sitting next to him, not lurking behind him. “And for a split second I thought–and–you know.” And that’s a miracle isn’t it? He really does know, Casey doesn’t have to say it. He doesn’t have to say I was scared it was happening again, I was scared I was going to slip and not be able to recover this time, I was scared that everything that happened to me was for nothing. Joel already knows, and he’s next to Casey anyway, a loud and clear indication that the only place that Casey wants to be is right here and right now. “It’s hard to explain, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m feeling better now, and I wanted to be with you.” 

“I’m sorry for stealing your smokes too.” He chuckles softly and runs a thumb over the top of the cardboard package in his hand. “The smell reminds me of you, and it’s something else to focus on when everything is–too much. Not ready to pick up the habit though, I like it better on you.” He smiles and wraps a hand around the back of Joel’s neck, fingers trailing over the warm skin before pulling him closer and into a kiss that’s slow and soft, that feels like sharing the breath that Casey feels like’s been missing since Nashville. “Where have you been anyway?” He smiles again, tucks a strand of hair behind his boyfriend’s ear. “Sebastian’s upstairs with Noah, which means there’s no coaches meetings.” 

[joelcarlyle-blog]

text || akira

Akira: Who even uses hashtags anymore? Nerd.

Akira: My price to be a running partner is to not fill out an application.

joel: i've been called worse, your insults don't effect me

joel: fine, you're in. better keep up.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

💀 👻 🎃// a fun , adultish , multi genre seasonal mix. listen on spotify.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

text || casey

casey: i love you, but we both know that speed means nothing here. you'd let me get ahead just so you could watch my legs.

casey: i suppose i could up the amount of time i spend at your place from 95% to 99%. but you'll have to explain to cecil why our monthly gossip sessions have been moved.

casey: you're lucky those warm oklahoma summers made shirts my enemy?? and you know i'm gonna need you to meet me on that one. same deal.

joel: i'd make you wear sweatpants but nothing too tight because your ass might distract me.

joel: cecil can have you one night a month, I want you the rest of the time.

joel: you've got yourself a deal, babe.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

text || akira

Akira: I’m not a douche.

Akira: But I’m not filling out an application.

joel: boo on you

joel: #strikerfamforever man. come on

[joelcarlyle-blog]

That’s when you rise, finally. You rise out of the mud, in the rain, and you go back inside and suddenly everything gets really cold and calm. The answer doesn’t lie in your backyard because no one is going to come and save you even if you beg them to. Especially if you beg them to. You’re on your own, like you’ve always been on your own. You have to keep going forward, until you can’t go forward anymore.

Jeff VanderMeer, Acceptance (via girlwithlandscape)

[joelcarlyle-blog]

Joel had left Casey sound asleep in the room they shared when he went in search of the vending machine for a midnight snack. He didn’t expect to find Sebastian looking like he was ready to pull his hair out at any moment. Joel knew as well as anyone with eyes could see what a tragedy that would be, He got a bag of cheetos, peanut m&ms and a bottle of coke before sitting down next to Sebastian. “you’re going to give yourself an ulcer, dude.” He said before popping a handful of m&ms in his mouth. “What are you trying to figure out? Maybe I can help by giving you a fresh pair of eyes because yours look like they’re about to fall out of your head.”

It’s long past time since he should have gone to sleep, but he’s still awake and sitting at a table in the lobby of the hotel with his laptop open, playing game footage on what feels like and endless loop at this point. He has a headache blooming behind his eyes, he’s had one ever since he came off the court–his offense had provided a lead going into halftime and one of his strikers had won the game ultimately, but it had been by the skin of their teeth ultimately. He can’t fix the defense, he wouldn’t know where to start, but if he can just–find some way to create enough offense to take the pressure off–he sighs and lets his head rest in his hands, drags his fingers through his hair. For the fifteenth time the player on the screen plants his feet and pulls to his opposite side, and he still doesn’t know what to do with that information. 

He stretches his arms over his head and groans, leaning back in his chair until the back legs are the only ones on the ground. He hears footsteps coming towards him and blinks his eyes a couple of times to make them focus, closes the lid of his laptop. “Unless you have enough coffee to make me forget my name and or a secret Exy playbook with all of the answers, I’m gonna have to ask why you’re still up.” He says with a small smile, even though he feels frayed at the edges. “Coach and all of that.” 

[joelcarlyle-blog]

text || casey

Casey: awww babe i’m flattered but you can’t keep up with me ;)

Casey: also i’m on a strict run away from the insomnia schedule, which means prime running hours are 1-5 am.

Casey: if you need a shirtless pushup partner i’m definitely your guy though!

joel: what do you mean i can't keep up with you?? does me being a former striker mean nothing anymore? what the fuck

joel: you sleep better when you're with me so ditch your roommates and spend your nights with me.

joel: i need you as my shirtless everything.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

Joel: I need a running buddy

Joel: I am now accepting applications

Joel: if you're a douche, don't bother applying.

[joelcarlyle-blog]

Joel never thought he’d have to be at another banquet but that was before he got with Casey and before he signed on as the recruiting coordinator. Anywhere the team went, Joel went. Joel honestly probably could’ve gotten out of it if it wasn’t for his boyfriend so here he was hating his very existence. He had lost Casey at some point and moved to the outer edge in search of a drink. He found the bar and ordered himself something strong. After accepted the glass he stood, surveying the room. He looked over at the girl who spoke, Cadence, he thought to himself. “He’s laughing at us both.” he corrected.

Music pulsed through her chest as she moved around the room, eyes sweeping from left to right. She felt dangerously out of place in the thin-strapped dress and heels. She longed for her sweats and her couch. There was no avoiding the event, though and she did her best to smile and chat until she found a familiar face. 

“If there is a God, he is laughing at me right now." 

[joelcarlyle-blog]

When Casey was at Joel house looking for Joel, Joel was at Fox Tower looking for him. His roommates said they didn’t know where he was so Joel drove around looking for him. He was worried about Casey, more than he usually was. There was a bulldog puppy in the backseat, fast asleep which Joel was more than thankful for. He was trying to remain calm when Casey wasn’t at any of his usual places. 

Joel, being the idiot that he was, left his phone at home and couldn’t call Casey to find out where he was. When he exhausted all of his options, he turned toward home so he could get his phone and call Casey. That plan was thrown out the window when he saw his boyfriend on the front porch of his house with a pack of cigarettes in hand. Joel’s cigarettes to be exact. All of the anxiety left Joel’s body at seeing Casey safe and in one piece. He glanced back at the puppy in the back seat before getting out to make sure that she was still asleep. He got out of the jeep quietly and approached the porch. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” He said softly as he kissed him. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Case. Not after all the times I’ve been distant and avoided you even before we got together.” He said, sitting down next to him.

@joelcarlyle

He doesn’t go back to his dorm when the get back to Palmetto–he can’t quite face any of the team yet. There’s only one person he wants to see now that he’s somewhat back in reality, now that the phantom ache in his arm is something dull and manageable and less of a constant reminder of how close he had come in a fraction of a second. He inclines his head in the direction of Sebastian when he enters the house, but he comes and goes so often that the assistant coach barely registers it and just goes about whatever he was doing. 

Joel isn’t home, probably caught up in something that Wymack had tasked him with last minute, maybe checking on Arlo or something, he’s content to wait. He feels better surrounded by the pieces of Joel that make up his living space, by the pieces of them–a canvas in the corner with a half finished piece bathed in gold, two exy rackets tossed by the door after a late night practice, a blanket that smells like cigarette smoke and acrylic paint. He searches the clothes tossed on the floor until he finds a pair of sweats that he recognizes, and shakes them until the carton of cigarettes comes free. He takes them to the front porch and folds his legs up underneath him, lights one and exhales. 

Joel is warm when he approaches twenty minutes or so later, his eyes blue and a spark of something–alive. “Hey,” He says softly when his boyfriend presses their lips together, and he feels the knot that he’s had in chest start to loosen. “I just wanted to say–sorry, if I’ve been kind of distant since the game.” 

[joelcarlyle-blog]

[joelcarlyle-blog]

📱

What ringtone my muse has set for yours:

in case you didn’t know - brett young

What contact photo my muse has set for yours:

What my muse thinks of the way yours texts:

"this boy is ridiculous, i can’t believe i fell for him”

How quickly my muse responds to your texts:

immediately, if he can

How often our muses text:

24/7

How often our muses call:

if they aren’t spending the night together, they fall asleep on the phone

Does my muse purposefully miss calls from yours:

never ever

Last text sent from my muse to yours:

joel: come overjoel: my parents aren’t home.joel: and by parents i mean sebastian

[joelcarlyle-blog]

You’ve given each other room to grow. Look how beautiful you’ve become.

Bruce Adler (via siikens)

[joelcarlyle-blog]

Send 📱 To Find Out About My Muse's Phone