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[josephparkerokay]

the one where ross falls out a window (a story for sage)

        sage isn’t usually the paranoid type but tonight she feels as if everyone else on the road can tell that the car she’s driving is stolen. it’s around 2am and everyone else is driving really cautiously and nobody will pass her. as it turns out, everyone else out on the road right now are also driving stolen cars and nobody wants to drive suspiciously, which makes them all suspicious of each other.        haha jk sage has never broken a single law in her life and she for sure isn’t about to start now!!!!        ok no really tho she really did steal that car lol sage is a badass outlaw and she stole this car to add to the pile of other stolen cars she has. when this pile gets to 23 feet high she’s gonna jump it on her stolen motorcycle.        haha wow she really is badass. but why 23 feet???? lmao isn’t that obvious?? bc 23 is the number that was on the jersey michael jordan wore in the critically-acclaimed 1996 movie space jam, which is sage’s favorite movie of all time.        hey something cool i just found out from looking up space jam trivia is that r. kelly won a grammy for his song “i believe i can fly” in the category “best song written specifically for a motion picture or for television” also r. kelly’s first name is robert. he won the grammy in 1998 tho which was two years after the movie came out so now i’m confused as to how grammys work.        anyway sage gets home and throws the car on the pile of other stolen cars. the pile is getting up around18 feet, just a few more cars and it’ll be time to jump it haha it’s gonna be sick as hell.        this is the third car sage has stolen today and she’s exhausted. as soon as she gets inside her house she falls asleep and has a dream that she’s a giant jellyfish. she lives at the bottom of the sea in a house with six roommates who are all also giant jellyfish. she realizes none of her roommates can speak english, but instead communicate in their own jellyfish language that sage can’t understand. she begins to feel very isolated and alone and begins to swim away from the house.        sage swims for a vague amount of time before realizing she’s no longer in the sea, actually she’s no where at all, just floating in an empty void. suddenly she sees something far up ahead and as it gets closer she sees it’s a purple sea turtle that doesn’t have a tail.        “oh okay so maybe i’m still in the sea after all” sage thinks to herself.        “no u were right the first time,” the turtle tells her. “this is a wide, yawning black infinity which reaches in every direction, its extension is endless and the sensation of depth is overwhelming. the darkness is immortal and pure and lives both outside and inside of you.        “darkness has never been inherently bad. it frees the mind while simultaneously allowing it to relax, to find a quietness in the tumult of every day life. the darkness is always there, u can find it anywhere u go.”        “the darkness is good” says sage.        “the darkness is great” says the sea turtle.        sage wakes up feeling better rested than she’s ever been before. she gets on her stolen motorcycle and goes out to scout for potential cars to add to her pile.        t h e  e n d .

[josephparkerokay]

tik tok by ke$ha (a story for jordan hoxsie)

       jordan has won the lottery!!! wow that is so cool congrats jordan !! but it wasn’t like the regular lottery hehe this lottery was to become the supreme ruler of the dark underworld       aka hell       lol yea jordan is now the lord of hell haha good job jordan.       oh and the lottery win also came with a lifetime supply of kiwifruit, which obviously is much less important but still worth mentioning imo.       jordan!!!!!!!!!!! what do u wanna do as ur first act as lord of hell? wait u wanna what?? oh ok haha that’s a great idea wow ur so smart!!! ok everybody u heard jordan, pls come up one by one and receive your complimentary 40 oz water bottle. it’s very very hot down here and your new leader says it’s important for everyone to stay hydrated.       while everyone was getting their water bottles jordan took a walk around hell to see what it was all about. it didn’t take long for jordan to notice that there wasn’t a single hummingbird in hell and it made them very sad :(       jordan’s next decision was to ask everyone to pitch in making hummingbird feeders. and it worked!!!! it was actually a very big success!!! it only took about 10 minutes after the first feeder was built for hummingbirds to start showing up in hell. and it brought so much joy to everyone who lived there!!!! some people would sit for hours watching the tiny birds zip around hell from feeder to feeder. they’re all so majestic in their own tiny way.       wow jordan!!! you’ve had an amazing first day as lord of hell!! i guess that’s all for now, you’ll probably be wanting to get some sleep. what?? there’s still one more thing you’d like to do? yes of course that’s ok, pls go on, tell us what it is !       as jordan’s final act on their first day of being lord of the underworld they had vending machines installed throughout hell where anyone at anytime could go and push a button and receive a free kiwifruit!!! wow that’s amazing!!! not only do kiwis have more vitamin c than oranges (273% of the daily recommended amount in a single serving!) but they also have more potassium than bananas!! it’s also high in vitamin a, which is great for ur skin, bones, teeth, and vision!!!!       wow and here’s another cool fact about kiwi that i didn’t know   until jordan just told me right now: kiwifruit are named after the native new zealand bird, but when they were first introduced to the u.s. in the 1960s they were called “chinese gooseberries”.       jordan!!! this been a truly amazing and successful day!!! thank u for bringing all your great ideas to our small community, i’m positive lots of good things will happen here under your management. i can’t wait to see what u do next <3       the end  .

[josephparkerokay]

we should give birds better access to microphones (a story for eli hobin)

       “i love going to cemeteries” eli says to his best friend sonic the hedgehog. “cemeteries are basically just big parks that u can hang out in.”       “truuuuuu” says sonic the hedgehog. “and they’re usually rly quiet bc not a lot of people go to them.”       eli and sonic were walking thru their favorite cemetery. there are a lot of cemeteries they like to walk thru together but this one is by far the best hehe it’s got a section with a lot of tree cover and benches that’s great to hang out in during the hottest hours of the day, but most of the cemetery has no trees at all, making it a perfect place to watch the wide open sky do its thing at sunset.       sonic the hedgehog sprints ahead, weaving thru headstones and then comes back.       “i wanna run at the speed of light!!! but stupid god won’t let me!!” sonic the hedgehog yells at a bundle of fake flowers that have blown away from the gravestone they were originally placed at.       god pops out of the fake flower bundle and says “lol i don’t care if u move at the speed of light. i’m not the one who’s stopping u.”       eli and sonic the hedgehog keep walking and they come to a mausoleum they’ve never seen before. they were just in this part of the cemetery a couple days ago and neither of them remember seeing it. hmm they both become v suspicious.       eli goes up and knocks on the mausoleum’s door and says, “ok u idiot the jig is up!!! we have u surrounded. come out now or we r going to tell on u !!” immediately the entire mausoleum bursts apart and out pops a ginormous dragon!!!       and it’s not just an ordinary dragon!!! it’s !!! a vampire dragon!!!!!       it’s laughing and breathing fire and whipping it’s tail and just acting all around aggressively. sonic the hedgehog starts doing their sonic the hedgehog thing and turning into a ball and then rolling into the dragon really fast but it doesn’t seem to be doing anything at all. eli pulls out a sword that’s at least twice his height and jumps way into the air. like way way into the air, like at least five times the height of the dragon. on his way back down he swiftly cuts off the tip of one of the dragon’s ears.       “oh fuck this” says the dragon and then it turns into a regular sized bat and flies away.       sonic the hedgehog and eli are so excited that they’ve defeated the vampire dragon. they give each other a big hug and say “ur my best friend and i love u!!!!” at the exact same time. the sun begins to set and they find a nice big rock to sit on and watch the sky do it’s thing.       the end.

[josephparkerokay]

a dog just barked at me :) (a story for tori harding)

        “i’m going back into the sea!!” tori told her cat, the hunger games. “I’m going to find them so we can all hangout again!!!” the hunger games gave tori a high five and they both yelled “oh yea !” at the same time.        tori ran from her house and didn’t stop running until she was at the sea. she dove in and swam around for a rly long time. at first she couldn’t see anything and the water stung her eyes, but after while she adjusted to the saltiness and she could actually see farther and clearer down here than she could see on land.        a school of purple sea turtles without tails swam past her and one of the turtles stopped and said, “ur vision is better down here bc light bends when it goes from one medium to another. when light passes from the sea water directly to the fluids in yr eyes, the distortion is minimal compared to when ur looking thru dry air on land.” it swam away to catch up with the rest of the turtles before tori could respond.        tori swam around for a vague amount of time after that. she saw seahorses hiding poorly in loose strands of seaweed. she saw groups of fish moving in ways that looked like a game of red rover. she saw electric eels shock other electric eels just for fun. but she didn’t see what she had come to find, and the more time she spent down there the darker and colder the water became.        but finally,,, yes!!! there it was!!! about three miles in the distance she spotted faint multi-colored bioluminescent light. as she swam closer the light began to notice her and rushed up to meet her.        as it got closer the light began to focus and split into seven smaller lights. even closer now and they were now clearly taking the shape of seven jellyfish. and!! they were so much bigger now!!!        when tori was much younger she would go out with her parents on their fishing boat. once she brought a bucket along and caught these seven jellyfish when they were much much smaller. tori took them home and wasn’t sure what to feed them so she gave them rainbow sprinkles bc those were her favorite thing to eat. she kept the jellyfish in the bucket for a few days before she realized she couldn’t keep them in there forever. she thought about how she would hate living in a bucket, especially if it was with six other roommates.        so she took them back to the sea and let them swim free, and promised she would come to visit them someday.        and today was that day!!!        the first thing she noticed was that the non-toxic dye from the sprinkles had left stains on the jellyfish, which tinted the light that passed thru their transparent skin (or you know whatever jellyfish have instead of skin) which emitted a rainbow glow omnidirectionally all around them.        tori was so happy to see the jellyfish and!!! the jellyfish were so happy to see her!!! they all had a really big group hug and they rolled around in the water and played red rover together. tori was exhausted from swimming all day and the jellyfish let her spend the night in their underwater house, they had a day room with a couch that pulled out into a bed. in the morning they all traveled together to the shore, where tori hugged them each goodbye and then went back home.        when tori walked in the door the hunger games yelled “ur on the youtube !!!” the hunger games showed her a video titled “watch what happens when women reunites with her 7 best jellyfish friends after 13 years” which had already been viewed 2 million times.        tori hadn’t noticed anyone with a camera in the sea, and she thought it was rly strange that whoever had been there also knew how long it had been since she’d last saw the jellyfish, but mostly she was excited bc now she was able to watch one of the happiest moments of her life over and over whenever she wanted to.        tori added the video to her bookmarks and then emailed a link to it to the email address that her parents shared.        the end.

[josephparkerokay]

my cat ate an entire tube of chapstick and now exclusively refers to herself as the ‘chapstick champion’ (a story for johanna mezger)

        it’s december and it is really cold where johanna lives. brrrr wow yes very freezing cold         “get me heck out of here!!” johanna yells at her large front door, but it doesn’t budge, in fact it doesn’t even reply at all.        “are u seriously giving me the silent treatment?” she asks the large door but it still doesn’t answer. “wow ok very mature fine in that case u leave me no other choice !”        JOHANNA WALKS INTO THE HALLWAY OOPS CAPS LOCk is on sorry and in the hallway she turns the thermostat up to 120 degrees. the heater makes the sounds of a heater heating up, but instead of warm air coming thru the vents there are snakes!!!! hundreds and hundreds of snakes!!!        “omg !!!” says johanna “THis wasn’t supposed to hapPen!!!!!!”        before the snakes can reach johanna, the front door rips itself from its hinges and sprints to johanna, sweeping her into its arms and fleeing from the house.        “i am so sorry johanna” the door says to johanna in an australian accent. “i never meant for any of this to happen.”        the snakes flood out of the house and are close behind johanna and the large door. johanna and the large door both think the snakes are chasing after them and are scared of what will happen if they catch up, which is a fair assumption and valid fear considering their point of view of the situation.        but these snakes truly do not wish to do them any harm, they are just so happy to finally be free! but they’re also scared by how big the world they are now in is, most of these snakes have never been outside the air vents where they had been stuck. they are unsure of what to do now that they are out, but since johanna was the one who let them out they assume she knows exactly what she’s doing, and they’ve decided to follow her bc they think she’s showing them the way to wherever it is they’re supposed to be.        johanna and the large door come to a very big and steep hill that looks very dangerous. there’s a sign next to the hill that says “killer hill” in all capital letters. without hesitating the large door leaps into the air and does most of a front flip, landing so its back is parallel w the hill and johanna rides the large door like it is a large sled.        and it’s working!! they're moving farther and farther from the snakes! but now they’re at the bottom of the hill and they’ve picked up too much speed and aren’t able to stop themselves before flying over the edge of a short cliff and landing in a river        the large sled is now a large raft. the river is running at a good speed, but it’s slower than the speed they had been running at before and the snakes have started to catch up. the snakes dive into the river and they are actually pretty good swimmers wow i always thought that only certain types of snakes could swim but maybe they all do ok yea for this story every snake in the world can swim really well if it wants to. the snakes all get onto the large raft and at first johanna is v afraid, but the snakes are radiating their thankfulness and almost immediately johanna knows there’s nothing to fear.        for a long time johanna and the snakes lived on the large raft and floated down the river together. they lived there for as long as it took for each snake to figure out what they wanted to do with their life. some decided quickly and left the large raft within a few days, but others took more time, and no matter how long it took johanna never became impatient or rushed any of them, knowing how important this decision was for each of them.        once the last snake had left, johanna and the large raft went back to their house. by this time the raft was very tired and johanna helped it back onto its hinges and it became a large door again.        “i’m sorry i was angry w u at the beginning of the story” johanna says to the door.        “it’s ok,” says the door. it no longer has an australian accent. “i very much enjoyed the time we spent together.        the large door falls asleep and johanna watches it for a little while but then johanna falls asleep too.        the end

[josephparkerokay]

venmo or paypal me $6.66 and i will write a one page story for you! message me your name (or name you want for the main character) + pronouns + any special requests you might have for the story (like setting or other characters or etc.) venmo - josephparkerokay paypal - josephparkerokay@gmail.com

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.7

frozen blueberries 2 bananas soy milk garbanzo beans white flour tortilla hardshell taco shell lettuce pico de gallo  refried beans black beans rice potatoes everything bagel chunky peanut butter pasta pasta sauce onion bell pepper

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.6

frozen blueberries 2 bananas soy milk coffee honey whole-wheat bread spinach kale chard shredded carrots red pear gala apple cucumber brown rice lentils garbanzo beans black beans pinto beans corn tomatoes cilantro red cabbage

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.5

frozen blueberries 4 bananas soy milk coffee honey whole-wheat bread spinach kale chard shredded carrots red pear frozen mango chunks linguini noodles past sauce onion green bell pepper yellow bell pepper garlic field roast apple sage vegan sausage 

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.4

frozen blueberries 2 bananas soy milk coffee bosc pear honey whole-wheat bread spinach kale chard hummus shredded carrots linguini noodles pasta sauce avocado 2 field roast apple sage vegan sausages 2 hot dog buns watermelon carrots asparagus grilled yellow squash grilled zucchini grilled onion kettle potato chips grilled corn on the cob

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.3

canary melon frozen blueberries 2 bananas soy milk honey whole-wheat bread spinach kale chard shredded carrots hummus coffee 2 ears of corn garbanzo beans red pear brown rice lentils black beans pinto beans tomatoes field roast apple sage vegan sausage avocado key lime juice red cabbage

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.2

frozen blueberries frozen mango chunks 2 bananas almond milk everything bagel spinach kale chard shredded carrots hummus coffee 3 ears of corn brown rice lentils black beans pinto beans garbanzo beans tomatoes avocado key lime juice red cabbage cucumber

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 7.1

everything bagel spinach kale chard shredded carrots hummus frozen blueberries frozen mangos 4 bananas gala apple almond milk coffee ezekiel bread avocado tortilla chips kettle jalepeno chips linguini spaghetti noodles past sauce orange bell pepper field roast apple sage vegan sausage

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 6.30

-smoothie with frozen blueberries, 2 bananas, and almond milk -2 everything bagels with spinach, kale, chard, shredded carrots, and hummus -3 cups of coffee -gala apple -can of garbanzo beans -spaghetti and sauce (the sauce was prepared by a friend so i’m not sure what was in it except tomatoes, green bell pepper, yellow onion, garlic, field roast, and another type of meat substitute) -brown rice with lentils, black beans, garbanzo beans, pinto beans, tomatoes, corn, and red cabbage

[josephparkerokay]

what i ate 6.29

-smoothie with frozen blueberries, 2 bananas, almond milk -everything bagel with spinach, kale, chard, and hummus -smoothie with frozen mango, 2 bananas, almond milk -gala apple -brown rice with tomatoes, corn, lentils, black beans, pinto beans, garbanzo beans, spinach, kale, chard, and red cabbage

[josephparkerokay]

my roommate was kind enough to take a video of most of my reading last night

[josephparkerokay]

i put together a short collection of poems and stories that didn't make it into my book that you can download for free/pwyw <3