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142.6
I feel out of control amazing today. If I would've known not drinking would feel like this I would have stopped drinking a long time ago. I have 7 days to meet my goal of 139 by Feb 2nd.
I decided my ultimate goal is 122. It just sounds so round and obtainable.
I feel like my cells are made out of something completely different than they were just a month ago. I have been eating so much better. I still sneak a little bit. ( why do I sneak from myself???!!) BUT Even the running dialog in my mind has changed. I am so much nicer to myself.
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REWARDS
Clearly losing weight and being healthy should be its own reward. (but) I just weighed myself at 143.2 If i can get down to 139.0 by Feb. 2nd I can order myself some fancy new hiking shoes or a light Marmot jacket. I have running shoes that just DO NOT cut it on non paved surfaces.
I need to set up some more goals!
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She is perfect! I also mentally identify with her so it is my best inspiration?
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143.8
This is not going fast as I would like it to go but to be fair I am not working as hard as I should. At least now my BMI is 24.7. Which is at the super high end of Normal weight. I understand there are limitations to BMI, but right now I don't really know how to quantify my progress. If i can look at a number that is shrinking, i am going to look to that number. I took some ridiculously unflattering pictures and I need to go put those up. Possibly tonight as it is sunny and not freezing cold today so I should get outside today and do some physical activity.
The main thing I am doing differently is I am no longer consuming alcohol. I had drank a few glasses of wine the other night and kinda blew my streak of not drinking. I got pretty sick however, so that was encouraging. I needed reinforcement that drinking alcohol is no good for ME.
I have not been eating bread as much as I usually do. I am usually a grilled cheese addict but, I have been doing pretty good staying away from cheese and bread in general. I say pretty good, then I just pictured that cheese pizza I ate last night.
If I had perfect control over myself I would abstain from alcohol, gluten, and dairy. None of them really sit right in me but ohmypeezus theyarealliwantoeat! I have been carrying around oranges, carrots, and bananas so that I don't let myself get so hungry that I binge on some junk.
Full disclosure, I have been a binge eater for most of my life, controlling myself most of the day in public then eating mass amounts of food at once. I would usually binge by myself in a sneaky place. If I was really upset with myself I would force myself to vomit up half of it so it resembled something closer to a regular meal. In the past month I have only forced myself to throw up twice. I feel like if I am not honest about this I will continue to use it as a method to "cheat" after I have lost control.
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okay so maybe that is extreme. but its my favorite body type!
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I really love him. I think its funny one of the people I have identified with the most in my lifetime is a 40 something year old man with kids.
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145.8
Okay I ate pretty well yesterday and today so I weighed in at 145.8. Maybe that is just the difference between empty and full bowels. That would set my BMI at an even 25.
BMI Categories:
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
I am having the hardest time figuring out how I let myself get so unhealthy. I have been unhappy the last few years maybe I just wasn't paying attention.
I am going to measure myself and take pictures tomorrow.
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147.4 lbs!
I have been putting off weighing myself. I finally did today and I was very unpleasantly surprised. I weigh 147.4 lbs and I am only 5'4. That is a BMI of 25.2. I always thought I was overweight even when I weighed significantly less than this. I am officially overweight and it is really depressing me.
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Day before day one
I eat too much, mostly as a reaction to stress. I binge eat very quickly in private. I drink too much alcohol, mostly as a reaction to stress. I take sleeping pills to fall asleep and drink coffee to wake up. I am often depressed and moody. I have slowly gained 30 lbs over the last 6 years. I can not carry on like this anymore. I feel so bad about myself and am disgusted by my own appearance.
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