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one thing i need to start living by is “become the thing that you want” if i want friends who throw themed parties maybe i should start throwing those parties. if i want someone who writes me love letters maybe i should start writing letters for the people i love. if i want to hang out at museums and pretty cafes maybe i should invite my friends to these places. and maybe even then i won’t find the kind of people i want to be around. but then i would have become the exact person i want to be around. and maybe that’s good enough.

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P I S C E S

A delve into ancient scriptures over the astrological studies we're doing today. I take the time to reveal what the Greeks and the Jyotish had to say over the 12th zodiac. Curious?

We all know Pisces is a mutable, water sign ruled by Jupiter. Signifying unconditoonal love and abundant compassion, as it's the exalted domain of Venus. Yet what else could be shared about on this in-depth?

A 2nd century hellenistic astrologer, Vettius Valens, based in Alexandra, penned down his research over the dual signed constellation. "Pisces is the celestial sign which is feminine, moist, quite wet, bicorporeal, with many offspring, mossy, scaley, sinewy, humpbacked, leprous, two-formed, mute, motile, with rough skin, in conflict with itself because one Fish is northern, the other southern. It is moist, downward-trending, servile, changeable, with many offspring, bicorporeal, sociable/lewd, with some limbs missing, the cause of wandering, varied."

"Men born under this sign are unsteady, unreliable, changing from bad fortune to good, sexy, theivish, shameless, prolific, popular."

"As a whole, Pisces is cool and breezy. By parts it is as follows: the first parts are temperate, the middle moist, the last destructive and worthless. It has…stars. In the north the rest of Andromeda rises with Pisces, as well as the rest of Perseus—the parts on the right—and Triangulum in Aries. In the south the head of the Southern Fish rises. Neptune, Mars, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter. In the south Ara and the rest of Hydra set <when Pisces is rising>; in the north, nothing."

The Greeks and Romans had their own backstory for the fish constellation. Rather over what it ruled, lands and territory.

"Pisces lies toward the north wind. It also lies toward the zone of the Red Sea, having not a few islands under its control, above which lie India and the so-called Indian Ocean. In its eastern parts Pisces touches Parthia, the land of the Indies, and the Eastern Ocean; in its northern parts, Scythia. In its western parts it washes with its waves Myosormos, Orthosormos, and the surrounding cities."

"The following zones are subject to Pisces: to the front, the Euphrates and the Tigris; to the middle, Syria and the Red Sea, India, mid-Persis and the neighboring lands; to the tail, the Arabian Sea, the Red Sea, and the Borysthenes river; to the tie of the Northern Fish, Thrace; to that of the Southern Fish, Asia, Sardinia."

~ Now let's look over to India. What more could be divulged about Pisces? As they call it, Meena, sanskrit word meaning 'fish'. The BPSH narrates the primary traits of the water sign, deemed the birth sign of Goddess Lakshmi.

Meena resembles a pair of fish , one tailed with the head of the other.

This rashi is strong at night.

It is a watery Rashi and is predominant with Sattva-Guna (pure)

It denotes resoluteness and is a water-resorter.

It is footless and has a medium build.

It rules the North and rises with both head and back.

It is ruled by [Jupiter].

Another ancient text, Parashara, details piscean characteristics as follows:

They are very happy when they can spend their money to help others through charitable causes.

These persons are not steady .

They may change from one profession to another.

The married life of a Meena native is generally happy but they have a jealous nature."

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This is exactly what I've always thought about Filter but OP was able to word it so well. It has this thing of "I'm owned by their perception of me but I have the last laugh because I can control how they perceive me and ultimately their desire to own me makes me have control over them" something like that. I think it's an empowering shift on the theme of Lie, like it really shows character growth. And even though it's about this idol persona topic I still find it very relatable because after all, we're ALL being perceived and labeled and we ARE able to take the power back

ok so , im 2 cans of cider in so i think this is a good time to start this lmao. first of all tho i wanna say that this is just my opinion and like any art everyone is completely entitled to interpreting filter in their own way! this is just my interpretation !!!

but yes basically this is my thesis: filter by jimin is not a song about being hot. it isnt a song about being your most authenttic self, or a song about being disconnected from your true self either, at least not entirely. filter is a commentary on idol culture but more than that it is a story of self-actualization through reappropriation of hardship and trauma.

(also note, i use trauma very lightly here, i am not speculating anything about jimin's life experiences or mental health, i am just going off things he has said publicly and using the term 'trauma' as a way to describe the long lasting impact of idol culture and being in the public eye, smt other celebrities have mentioned being traumatic)

basically i see filter as a continuation of lie. like the rest of wings, lie is a really complexe song with multiple messages but the central theme of is the feeling of loss of self and identity, struggling to make peace with a persona and your "purest" self. as much as it is about losing your sense of self, it is about falling into temptation and losing yourself to something bigger than you can control. something in particular that stands out to me though is this line from the genius translation: "you want me / i've lost my way / you want me." to me, this is very reminiscent of the theme of filter - a much lighter, upbeat song at first glance. the main theme of filter is jimin's versatility as an artist and his ability to morph himself at one's demand to, most importantly, please the audience. but the language (at least in the genius translation) is surprisingly aggressive compared to lie's desperate tone and despite the vibrance of the song. filter is not just about pleasing but about owning. a lot of people have interpreted lie as jimin struggling with his idol persona and personal sense of self, and to meet the expectations of fans. filter talks of not only gaining the approval of the listener, but of entrancing them, of using compliance as a means of taking control. "don't even think of turning your head away," he says, "you'll be wanting only me / because you are the one who made me." if lie says "please save me from myself and from what you want from me" then filter says "you want to own me? fine, how do you want me? i'll be better. i'll be awful." filter is about regaining control, taking back all the demands, about using a disconnect from self to become more than yourself. and mostly it is about taking that fractured sense of identity, that hardship and that trauma back, pulling the entitlement out from other people's feet and wearing it like you were made for it.

i think i've spoken on here a few times about filter deserving a horror concept. filter to me has a self-awareness so profound that it is haunting. sunmi's noir comes to mind; it has the same self-awareness, the same coy, tongue-in-cheek message on public personas, social media, and playing into one's part in that problem. i saw a post on here the other day that i cant find for the life of me that went something like "there are two ways we label incredible things. if we like it, it's magic. if we don't , it's horror." filter and noir both have that element of magic at first glace, they're both incredible performances with dazzling quad colourful concepts, filter probably more so because of the lighter vibe and because sunmi is less shy about getting to the point. but as you peer closer, the elements of horror, the tragedy of trauma and the victory that allows for the irony, can be seen. filter is neither entirely a tragedy or a tale of triumph, and that's what makes it horror. filter is about coming out of trauma, about turning around, looking it in the face and deciding "i own this now. i will control it. and i will make it abominable"

anyway. tldr:

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I have to update my tumblr page, links, navi etc. It's still all from 2015 lol

[julicious]

Thoughts in early November

It's fall and it's eclipse season so I've been trying to take it slow. I'm reading a pretty good book about poisons and I already have a nice list of new books I want to read thanks to this tiktok. Not that my To Read List on Goodreads isn't already 374 books long but I mean, who's counting?

Almost every day I wake up and make a really delicious breakfast smoothie - it's healthy and it's absolutely tasty. I mix 1 or half banana with oat milk, Skyr (that's an Icelandic yogurt with a lot of protein), cocoa powder (mine is dark chocolate with salted caramel bc I'm very extra) peanut butter and sometimes hemp protein powder. Have I said it's delicious? If you don't feel like eating in the morning like me but also want to get some energy, this smoothie is perfect!

What I've been thinking about recently:

Friendships are hard - ever since summer I've been limiting my time around other people because I'd realized I was still a people pleaser and prioritized other people's needs over mine (it all comes back to my narcissistic sister, who would've thought?) - astrology and Saturn made me realize all this, so thanks to my heavenly father Saturn - but ever since I stopped to listen to MY needs, I started to feel less and less interested in hanging out with people. I don't think that's the answer either. So I've been trying to not completely shut off everyone even though that's what I'd like to do lol Alone time is simply heaven to me. Maybe that's my Pisces 8H Sun but nothing beats my own company to be very honest...

Korean is even harder - I've been trying to learn Korean for a while now and I just haven't given up because of my sense of pride. I do understand some things when people talk but it's not enough. I'm going to a Korean Language meetup with some nice people after a girl invited me to join, but everyone has different speaking levels so I'm not sure if it helps much. There are some tiktok accounts that have really helpful content though and this one here is probably the cutest ever! That little voice!

Obviously I've been thinking a lot about the elections and political uproar in Brazil but I've thought about it enough. I need a break. On to an equally frustrating topic:

The world keeps proving they have a misogyny problem - From Megan being called a liar for being shot, to Selena making a docu about mental health and people only focusing on her "bad friends" and gossip around her friendships and absolutely ignoring the whole message of the docu (including her own fans), it's all really astonishing. It's so easy to hate women because we've been conditioned to hate women and girls ever since forever. It's like a bad habit that you can't unlearn easily because it's ingrained into your whole being. I haven't read this book yet but read some parts of it and the topic is really interesting - Witch, Slut, Feminist: these contested identities are informing millennial women as they counter a tortuous history of misogyny with empowerment. This innovative primer highlights sexual liberation as it traces the lineage of “witch feminism.” Juxtaposing scholarly research on the demonization of women and female sexuality that has continued since the witch hunts of the early modern era with pop occulture analyses and interviews with activists, artists, scholars, and practitioners of witchcraft, this book enriches our contemporary conversations about reproductive rights, sexual pleasure, queer identity, pornography, sex work, and more. - It's around the same theme as the cult movie The Love Witch. Now during Scorpio season, would be the perfect time to watch it. Speaking of women and witches, can we talk about how amazing Julia Fox is? Her tiktok is one of the best out there!

Finally, some cool stuff this chronically online person saw recently:

I need this Sailor Moon makeup collection like RIGHT NOW. //This guy's series on pop culture in the 90s/00s "Pop Games of Thrones" is so fun. // Red Velvet's Bad Boy but as an 80s ballad? Yes! // The Billionaire's Bride Sign - okay this analysis of Uttara Bhadrapada (Vedic astrology) is super in-depth and made me have hope that I'll live the rags to riches life! I'm a UB Sun :) [not that I want to marry a billionaire, I don't think billionaires should exist!] // Have you seen this video of the BTS in Busan show? Absolute goosebumps! // For some reason I love watching this lady narrating Asian DIY videos, it's so fun! // This little kitty brings her human to college and picks her up again! The sweetest thing! (Btw I have no idea why this girl's university is at a cemitery). // Finally, this little girl shows me I should never give up! Such a cutie!

goodbye!

for some reason the sailor moon link isn't working above, so here it goes: https://www.tiktok.com/@clara.slays/video/7159166499867856129?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7156735195156350469

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when e.e. cummings said “i’ll live my life if it kills me”

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"The American writer Barry Hannah said that there’s a ghost in every story: a place, a memory, a feeling long forgotten. Experiences that never fully recede, people who leave an imprint. A permanent, if invisible residue. Memories sooted and flower-pressed; a part of us now, like a prosthetic formed of the past." Sinéad Gleeson, Constellations: Reflections from Life

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“We talk so much of  light, please let me speak on behalf of  the good dark. Let us talk more of how dark the beginning of a day is.”

— Maggie Smith, from “How Dark the Beginning”

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Louise Zhang - Slosh samples #1, 2014, flubber, pva glue, acrylic, oil paint, resin plastics, polymer balls, polymer clay, pigment, water, varnish, 100ml serum vials, 61 x 47 x 9 cm

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helle mardahl

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i’m a simple girl i see a man with big arms and a kind heart and i get a little stupid

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the inherent shame of beginning… dont look at me while i learn

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Andrew Moore - Room 348, Hermitage Museum, St. Petersburg (top); Restoration Room, St. Petersburg Academy of Fine Arts (bottom), 2000-2004

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loving loneliness and being alone, hating loneliness and being alone, believing that everyone is alone, believing that nobody is alone (all of these at the same time)

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if you're miserable, maybe u need to eat more citrus & open the windows a little wider & read that poetry book you've been putting off & enjoy hot bread with melted butter & go to bed with your phone on do not disturb

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A Stunning Photo Documents the Colorful Comet Leonard Streaking Through the Nighttime Sky