prep-radio

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You know well why I’m sharing this song.

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If you or a loved line are an improv comedian who was let down by “Yes, and” by Ariana Grande, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

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YouTube loves sending me down these beautiful, depressing rabbit holes. You’re coming with me this time.

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If you listen to this song for the first time at 8 morning pre-coffee, it’s gonna mess you up in the best way possible

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It’s been a while good friends, but I promise I’ve been vibing in my absence. As proof, here’s a little ditty I’ve been enjoying:

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Shout out to Howard University Radio for featuring a selection of songs from artists of color! Two of my favorite picks I heard from them the other night.

https://whur.com

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If you like the song “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush, but are soooo sick of hearing it every 5 seconds, might i recommend Meg Myers’ cover for a refresher?

(FLASH WARNING FOR THE MUSIC VIDEO)

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Okay, I can’t be the only one who hears it?

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June 10, 2022: Patterns

I keep falling into these same unhealthy habits, both physically and socially. What causes us to want to do things that we know are wrong? Is it the instant gratification? Is it that we feel we deserve the negative consequences? Or is it only me?

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This week’s playlist: Rest.

Have covid. I’m so tired.

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This week’s playlist: Feminine

Out of all the playlists I’ve crafted since I’ve started this new practice, this is the one that I’ve related to the most. Not to say that I myself am feminine, quite the opposite. I’ve been on a journey trying to understand what my definition of femininity is. There seems to be this horrible connection that society has made between a woman’s intelligence and her “easiness,” so I assume that to be intelligent and to make a case for myself in the world, I must be easy. On top of that, without going into too much detail, being a woman with my specific mental illness has become much harder, as someone notable has been publicly diagnosed with it, and it was a huge blow to the community and further perpetuated the stereotype of “the crazy girlfriend.” At the same time, I’ve been trying to find intimacy with someone who I genuinely believe is too good for me, and I’ve been unlearning that I must be perfect to deserve respect (see the Rules playlist.) There’s a delicate balance between being your true self and being the girl everyone loves and wants to fuck, but either way you’re insane.

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This week’s playlist: Nostalgia

Sorry, this one’s not happy. It was supposed to be. I was remembering who I was before I encountered the sadness. It has been years since I’d last met her, and I thought I loved her - I was confident, and charming, not worrying about every detail in my appearance. But then, I got the reminder that my worst fear was true: I am too much. So back I go. It was nice while it lasted.

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This week’s playlist: Rules.

Perfection is a strange concept, isn’t it? The idea that if we commit absolutely no faux pas, even the smallest or the subjective, then we are exempt from every possible horror that comes naturally in existence. We are free from judgement, every tragedy, every streak of bad luck is barricaded from us, in a bulwark of being the shell of a person whom everyone loves. Relating to the “Power” playlist, our goal of perfectionism is to have no mud or blood in the water underneath our meticulously-crafted bridge. We need to extend past our mortal senses and choose which alternative timeline we desire and know we will never grow and want to change our mind. (Can you tell I saw EEAAO this week?) Love, hate, disappointment, heartbreak, learning, stumbling, learning, growing, overcoming our adversary…none of that is valuable compared to the illusion that we are perfect.

Another callback to a previous playlist: I recently deleted a note called “Rules.” It was a list of small things I had to do to “win” the affection of the person I had in mind when I created the “True Love” playlist - things that included always wear makeup, stand in A-pose to make hips look smaller, don’t discuss mental health, don’t laugh too loudly, park your car perfectly in the lines, etc. It was an ill-advised emotion, so I justified by saying if they liked me, I would reciprocate, but I would never pursue them in the fear of rejection. But simply, I can’t affect how people feel. But if I were a better person, I would win the unconditional love and support of anyone within an undefined radius of me. Why am I not perfect enough to do that? This playlist is a journey my mind takes when I consider why I don’t fall into my own expectations of “the perfect me.”

(Also, cameo from Daniel Radcliffe.)

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This week’s playlist: Power. Transitioning into adulthood requires a shift in understanding in where we stand in our relationships with others. The simple matter of fact is that everybody, without exception, has a complicated life outside of our experiences with them. Their words and actions towards us are a reflection of all of their experiences culminating into patterns of behavior. Another crucial aspect is what we present of ourselves. If we are not truly authentic or sincere in our identity, can be difficult to manage what each person knows about us, and one of our biggest anxieties becomes use believing that everyone knows everything about us, even things we want to keep bottled away from everyone. The matter of fact is that no matter how loudly our thoughts scream, nobody can hear them. Also I have two songs from Dehd’s album finishing this playlist because I want to.

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I’m going to try something new to increase post frequency: each week, I will compile a playlist of the music I’ve been listening to each week. Some will be new music, some will be old, and there may be repeats. But music helps with telling a story, and I need an outlet more than I need to appeal to people with my taste in music. Hope you enjoy.

This week’s playlist is titled “True Love.” It’s not what I feel, as it’s not strong enough, nor is it a two-way street. But when I manifest intimacy, these are some of the tracks I consider. From a fling to a commitment, it starts with passion. Here is the journey between passion to true love.