junhanism

[junhanism]

i’ve run out of tears to cry after this. ITS FOUR AM and im sobbing 😭😭

NEVER MEANT TO BE .

⤷ who knew getting out of an isolation room after three years would be so ... exciting ?

terminal condition! leehan & terminal condition! yn

18.3k words , angst

" remember yn , your condition isn't getting any better at all ... so you need to get more rest okay ? " the nurse reminded me as i swallowed my prescribed pills and nodded .

" there's nothing they can do about me , nurse jia . let's face it , i'll be gone in one to three months . " i sighed at the end of my sentence as she placed a hand on my shoulder , " yn don't be like that ... you'll never know when they'd come up with a cure ! " i shrugged as she patted my back , leaving my space as she continued her duties .

three years . i've been here for three years — everyone expected me to be gone earlier when i had arrived , they're surprised to see me make it to this day honestly . i was shocked too , but i expected myself to be going soon .

before i knew it , i was snapped out of my thoughts . i opened my curtain to see a group of doctors and nurses around the newly admitted male patient . the doctors were checking on his condition while the nurses were checking his vital signs — blood pressure , temperature , oxygen saturation , pulse and his respiration .

i swung my legs off my bed as i watched the male answer confidently , unconsiously smiling to myself at how pretty he looked and how his voice didn't match his face at all — a deep yet soothing tone . he looked like he was around my age — if not a little older .

" you can stop staring now ... " he said as i snapped out of my thoughts , awkwardly smiling as i let out a chuckle . the ends of his lips curled up a little as he adjusted himself on his bed , turning to face me as he smiled , " what's your name , pretty ? "

" i'm yn , jang yn . what about you ? and why did you get admitted to this ... specialised ward ? " i answered as i shot a question back at him . " my name is kim donghyun , you can call me leehan . i got admitted well because ... i have organ failure . my heart isn't working well ... you ? "

" advanced cancer . i've been here for three years but i just moved out from the isolation wards . " he hummed in response , " so is there no cure for yours ? " he asked as i pressed my lips into a thin line , shaking my head with a short chuckle . " i know your's does . you need a transplant don't you ? "

he lets out a quick laugh , " yeah ... but it'll be hard to find a donor . who would risk their lives to save another ? what more if it's a complete stranger ? " he replies , a cold tension fills the air as he clears his throat .

" so , did you manage to major in any subject ? or course ? " he asked as i hummed , " i did . i majored as a nurse but ... i failed because well ! i'm in a hospital for goodness sake . " i replied as a chuckle escaped his lips , " with me here , you can do whatever you need to prove yourself worthy of a nurse . "

" i can tell we'll have a fun time here together . " i said as he immediately agreed , getting cozy in bed as we exchanged numbers and social medias . before we knew it , the sun was down and the moon had rised .

ever since he arrived , it felt as if i was experiencing a whole new world — he was my age , we had similiar interests like sea fishes . he loved corydoras' and i loved sharks . we could barely sleep until three am because we were sending tiktoks and reels to one another — giggling away as the others hushed us .

well kim donghyun , thank you for being my first ever friend i've made in three years .

" wake up sleepy head ! " i yelled as i shook donghyun awake , his eyes adjusting to the light as he smiled widely at me . " good morning to you too , yn ... it's too early ... " he replied groggily as he sat up , checking the time on his phone — seven o' five am .

" there's a breakfast special today , c'mon ! i want to get it , it's my favourite ! " i whined as i grabbed on his arm , he chuckled before getting one last stretch — washing his face by sink as we went down to the cafeteria together . " hot dogs and pancake ... that's the special ? "

donghyun asked between yawns as i nodded happily , taking at least three stacks of pancakes , one side of cheese omelette and two pieces of hot dogs . i watched as donghyun filled his plate , " aren't you hungry ? "

he shook his head , " i'm sleepy . " i rolled my eyes playfully at his comment , dragging him to the table as we started digging into our food . he wasn't that interested in the food and he kept dozing off but somehow his eyes were still wide open — as if he was watching me eat .

after breakfast we had to rush back up for the usual doctors rounds , for them to check on our condition . the doctors were slightly late but i don't blame them , we all have our late days sometimes ! as the doctor walked in , we all smiled and greeted them before they went to each patient one by one .

i was the last one — " good morning , miss yn . how are you feeling today ? " doctor hanbin asked as i shrugged , " normal , had the breakfast special though so i'm kinda happy . " he smiled at me before looking back onto his notes — the smile disappearing as his eyes softened .

he takes a big sigh before closing the curtain on donghyun's side , donghyun's face changing from happy to pure confusion . hanbin showed me a weak smile before sitting on the chair opposite my bed , " yn ... "

i recognised that tone . a small smile was plastered onto my face as i let out a small sigh , " i know ... i don't have much time do i ? " he lets out a exhale , nodding before running his hand through his hair .

" a month ... do you want me to put you through chemo ? radiation therapy ? " doctor hanbin asked as he took his glasses off . i smiled widely , " no doctor , i'll be fine . let me go , peacefully and naturally . " he looks down onto his files , " how can you be so happy about this , yn ... you're the best patient i've ever had for three years . "

" woah let's keep that phrase for when i actually go . i'll be fine doctor hanbin , i promise . " i interlocked our pinkies as he lets out a breathy chuckle , nodding before patting my head and leaving the room .

before i could even break down , my curtains were opened by donghyun . his face screamed joy — he was clearly excited with the way his eyes had sparkles in them and his smile was reaching from ear to ear . " they found me a donor ! "

he yelled out loudly before grabbing me by my arms and jumping together as we spun in circles . a smile lit up on my face when i saw how happy he was — i couldn't ruin the moment for him .

" what did doctor hanbin tell you ? he seemed so upset . " donghyun asked as we sat down on his bed , my legs hanging off the edge of the bed as he smiled at the patients walking past us .

" they um ... they found a cure ! hanbin was just sad because i was leaving ... " i lied . his smile appeared on his face once again , " maybe we're fated ... we met here and we're leaving together . " he teased as i slapped his arm playfully , " don't be silly donghyun ... "

twenty five more days — twenty five more days til i'm gone . i had no one to call , no one to visit me . i was just ... alone . my parents were gone from my sight the moment they realised i had an illness — so were my siblings .

i sobbed quietly in bed , it was almost three am and everyone was asleep , i didn't want to wake anyone up . why me ? why did i have to go through all of these ? alone ? it just didn't make sense to me — i was a healthy girl and now ... it's all gone just that like that .

will i ever experience true happiness ? will i ever be able to escape from the confinements of the hospital ? i wiped my tears with my blanket as my phone rang — you awake ? a text from donghyun .

i sat up and calmed myself down — i'm awake , why ? i replied . a few seconds go by before my curtain was opened , " hey ... " donghyun said as he fixes his hair , running his hand through his long blonde hair .

" wanna go for a quick vending drink run ? " he asked and i immediately nodded , reaching out for his hand as we sneakily went out of the room . we were taking the lightest steps ever as we tiptoed to the vending machine .

i was picking out my drink when donghyun suddenly grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to the side , hiding behind a wall as he smiled cheekily at me . the bright lights from a flashlight illuminating the room as he held my hand in his — for a moment i blushed . this was the first time i ever held hands with someone in three years . what more by a handsome guy ?

soon enough the light went off , donghyun peeked out from the corner of the wall — turning back at me with the prettiest smile and nodding slowly , i went back to the vending machine and quickly got our drinks . we sat down at the longue for a while and just drank our sodas .

it felt like eternity since i've had this feeling — the adrenaline rush of being caught , the feeling of hanging out with someone that isn't a nurse or doctor and the feeling of comfort with donghyun .

fifteen days left — what's life without fun ? donghyun said before he led me to the hospital's rooftop at six in the morning . now we were sitting on the rooftop with cookies his mom had passed him when she came earlier .

" it's been a while since i saw the sun rise ... " i mumbled as i watched the stars in the sky glisten . my arms holding my weight as i leaned back , feeling donghyun's hand overlap mine as he mirrored my actions .

" looks like we'll be watching it together , hm ? yn , what's your favourite food ? " donghyun asks out of the blue as i turned to face him . " i love ... dwaeji gukbap . i was from busan so — i grew to like it . why ? "

" you're from busan , too ?? " donghyun gasped as i giggled , nodding as he blinks profusely at me with a wide smile on his face . " why donghyun ? " i asked once more as he changed to his more relaxed demeanour , " my mom wanted to bring some for you . she thinks we're dating . "

i laughed loudly at his remark , " you're funny donghyun ... but it's fine — i don't wanna make your mother do extra work ... " he shrugged , " she'll still insist on making it . "

and he wasn't wrong . the next day , donghyun's mom came along and placed the food on my table . my eyes widened before thanking her , bowing as i greeted her . " donghyun has told me a lot about you , yn ... i'm so glad you're both leaving together ! maybe you can go on dates ~~ "

" mom ! " donghyun protested as he stuffed his face into the pillow . i chuckled and thanked his mother once more before digging in , i miss my mom's cooking ...

seven days left on this planet ... i feel , weak . i feel like vomitting every three hours ... i feel nauseous and it feels like i could do nothing . the doctors came around again for a visit , this time donghyun yelled out loudly .

" what do you mean the donor is no longer a donor ? so i won't be getting a new heart ?! " he yelled in frustration . i opened my curtains to see him completely in tears , his ears were red as his tears seeped through his blanket .

the doctors left him on his own to rest and have time for himself — they did promise that they'd find a new donor asap . soon the doctors came to me , " where's doctor hanbin ? "

" he's not feeling too well today , yn ... i'm his attending for today . " doctor myung said as he sat down in front of me . great ... doctor hanbin isn't here and the next doctor visit was in eight days , i'd be gone by then ...

" how're you feeling ? " doctor myung asked as he started typing on his computer . " weak ... i didn't finish a single plate for the last few days , i had no appetite . " i replied as he pressed his lips into a thin line .

" do you want to call anyone here , yn ? we expect the days to be much shorter ... i know you're supposed to have at least a week left but ... judging on your condition , it may be even worse than we expected . " doctor myung sighed . it felt like a knife was twisted in my stomach , " how ... how long ? "

" it's very unlikely , yn ... it could be any time below a week . " he answered and i nodded hesitantly , looking into the bright light to stop my tears from flowing down my cheeks . " that's fine ... thank you doctor myung . "

he gave me a reassuring smile before standing up to leave — but that's when i had a brilliant idea . " doctor myung ! " i yelled after him , running after him as i almost tripped . " could you please ... take my heart ? for donghyun . "

" that would be risky — " " please , doctor myung . it'll be my last wish ... he needs it . " i begged as he nodded , " we'll do our best , yn . "

" promise me you'll still be here ? " donghyun said as he sat on the operating table . i gave him a weak smile , nodding as he interlocked our hands . " i promise , i'll be with you . " were the last words i ever said to him as he was euthanized on his bed with anaesthesia filling his veins .

" let's go , yn . let's get you prepared . " doctor myung said as i laid down on the operating table , the nurses pushing me away as my hand was released from donghyun's grip . it had been exactly a month and a half since i met donghyun — he was the sweetest ever and even brought me everywhere in the middle of the night just to have fun and relax .

i'll miss you and i'll love you forever kim donghyun . thank you for showing me what love is — and how it felt to have a moment with someone .

entering the operating theatre , i saw how doctor hanbin's face was so tensed even with the mask covering half his face . i let out a stiffled chuckle as he stood next to me , " i'll miss having you around here , yn . "

" you've been the best doctor for me . thank you hanbin , and thank you nurses and doctor myung . please , don't forget to pass my gift on to donghyun after he wakes up ? " i said as he nodded , " you're an angel , yn . and i believe that you'll paint our skies beautifully . "

" don't forget me ... " were the last words that ever came out of my mouth as hanbin placed a mask over my mouth . a mask filled with gas that would make me pass out and literally pass on .

kim donghyun , please never forget me .

the moment donghyun woke up , he sat up and his eyes were moving everywhere as his mom calmed him down . he was searching for one person , she mattered more to him more than anything else now .

" donghyun , you need to rest sweetie . " his mom reminded him as he sighed , laying back down as he took his phone out . a text from you ? why would you text him ? did you leave him before he could even come back ?

YN — hey donghyun ... by the time you read this , it means your surgery was successful ! how was it ? do you feel weird ? haha i'm just joking ~ i knew the surgery would go well , you had doctors myung and hanbin , of course it'd go smoothly ~~

YN — by the time you also read this ... i'm no longer here . no i didn't leave the hospital .. i mean i'm no longer in this world . i should've told you before but you just seemed so happy to be getting a donor and i couldn't ruin that for you :)

YN — i only had a month left to live . i was feeling weaker by the day ... worser by the week . thank you kim donghyun , for showing me what the outside world was like , for having fun with me and bringing me out in the middle of the night .

YN — i'm already crying while writing this message for you haha ... donghyun , please take care of my heart ? i'm sorry i can't be there with you now but just know that i'm with you everywhere you go now . you have my heart donghyun (literally). i love you , please never forget me ? 🤍

needless to say , donghyun broke down like glass shattered into millions of pieces . he cried and yelled for your name , waiting for you to say ' joking ' in that cute tone of yours . he was waiting for you to appear and hug him , welcoming him back into the world .

his mother , the nurses nearby and doctors rushed to him — trying to calm him down as he just continued crying . his heart — your heart — hurt with every sob . he was hurting himself because of what he lost .

if only he knew , he would've brought you out of the hospital . he wouldn't have agreed to the heart transplant if it meant that he would lose you . " yn !!! " he would continuously yell as you stood beside him , you were there — but just not physically .

you couldn't cry — he couldn't cry . this was supposed to be a happy moment , it meant that he would live for a long time with a new heart . you patted his hair , crying as you squatted on the floor next to him . please never forget me kim donghyun .

the moment donghyun was discharged from the hospital , he brought his mother to visit your grave . the white and pink flowers he had brought for you along with a plush bear that were couples .

he squatted next to your grave , " you look as beautiful as ever , yn ... you've endured so much suffering , it's only right for you to rest now . i know i'm a month late but ... hey i was held up in the hospital . " he joked .

" i miss you , yn . your laugh , your smile , your voice . i saw the note you left me , and the hoodie . it smells just like you , beautiful . i'll keep the note forever , they'd have to surgically remove it from me ... " he joked once more as he wiped the tears that trickled down his cheeks .

" i love you , yn . i'll always remember you . paint the skies for me ? " as if on cue , the flower that donghyun had placed on your grave had turned to face him . there was no wind present yet it still turned to him . " rest well , yn . we'll meet again , one day . "

it's been 14610 days since you left — yet donghyun couldn't let go of that . donghyun was now 65 and laying down on his death bed with his family members around him — his siblings and his grandchildren . he never got married to anyone , he knew that you and him were meant to be .

he saw how you had painted to skies so beautifully ... the clouds sometimes representing fishes and sharks , in which he would take pictures of it and send them to your number .

he couldn't wait to see you again — he missed you dearly . your laughter , your smile , your voice , the way you would hide your mouth when you laugh too hard , he missed everything about you . he waited and waited ... and now the time has finally came .

everyone around him was crying , blaming the doctors for their lack of knowlegde on how to treat patients whatsoever . donghyun on the other side ? he prayed that you would be in front of him the moment he opened his eyes again .

i'll see you soon , we were always meant to be .

⨾ 𝑝. 𝑡𝑙 — @hooneverse @sol3chu @yourssincerely-mimi @reikaxslvr @petralovesbonedo @enhabooks @mwahvvis @jaerisdiction @rairaiblog @jeonginontopforever @cheruphic @amarecerasus

[junhanism]

this is so beautifully written omg 😞😞

HOME SICK

── .✦ pairing; jungsu x gn!reader

── .✦ summary; home is a complicated word.

── .✦ word count; ~6.0k

── .✦ tags; alcohol use, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, fluff, small town romance, childhood best friends to lovers, not actually unrequited love, seungmom™, momsu™, the mortifying idea of being known

── .✦ a/n; still alive!!! happy valentine's day everyone n just know that i am sending you all a big heart <3

Stifled and sweaty inside your layers of winter wear, the heat in the car turned up to the max, you sit boneless in the passenger seat and wish for the summer.

"We missed you, you know," Seungmin says behind the wheel. He seems unfazed by the temperature, not a drop of sweat on his brow. "Now we'll get to hang out again like we used to."

You hum.

The reason the heat is still blasting is because you had told Seungmin earlier that the plane was freezing. Telling him that it's too hot now feels like an inconvenience, and you don't feel like removing your coat.

"I visited in September," you say.

Your cousin sniffs loudly, the telltale sign that he's about to start nagging. "That was three months ago," he says, "and you've called maybe twice since then." You lean against the window, closing your eyes when the cold glass sticks to the side of your head. "And you mostly slept the whole time. Plus, you completely avoided Jungsu, who didn't even know you were visiting home—"

You keep your eyes firmly closed when his name comes up. "Does he know what happened?"

"I didn't tell him …" He trails off, and your heart sinks before he even continues. "But … Auntie must've, because he confronted me about it last week. I'm sorry. You know how your mom is." His tone is softly apologetic as you exhale. "He was pretty hurt you didn't tell him yourself."

You know.

That had been your plan, telling Jungsu. But the shame hasn't eased like you had hoped, and before you knew it, two weeks had passed and it currently roils in your stomach along with guilt when you think about seeing Jungsu in person now.

You just didn't want him to know you're a failure.

"Maybe this is for the best." Seungmin turns into the exit, calm despite the flurries of snow flying into the windshield. The roads have long since been salted and you think you can feel each chunk being ground to dust underneath the tires. "Think of it as a time to finally rest? All you did for the past two years was work."

"I got laid off right before the holidays, Seungmin. This isn't really a vacation."

His eyes dart over to meet yours for a split second before you look out at the snow-covered fields blurring by.

Seungmin sighs a little. His hand finds your shoulder, patting it through the winter layers.

"I know. Just trying to help."

That's all anyone in this town ever does, you think, the sounds of the heater and the rumble of the tires taking over what's left of the conversation.

—

Your childhood bedroom is the same as you had left it. Well, mostly; the decade-old bedsheets have since been cleaned, and there are fresh tracks in the carpet from when your mother had vacuumed earlier today. You leave your suitcases and bags by your desk to unpack later.

"Auntie told me to stay for dinner," Seungmin tells you, falling back onto your bed and unlocking his phone. "So you'll have to put up with me for a couple more hours, at least."

"You're not gonna help with dinner?"

"I offered, but I got permission to hang with you instead."

"Suck-up," you say, and Seungmin rolls his eyes upward, poking his cheek with one finger.

You join him on the bed, taking a peek at his messages. He lets you be nosy. This is what you do best when you spend time with Seungmin—even now, you guess, you're just a kid in grownup clothes, watching your cousin navigate life and relationships with a maturity you try your best to emulate. You envy him as much as you love him, sometimes.

While watching him catch up on his mutuals' Instagram posts, your own phone buzzes beside you. Reluctantly, you flip it over, and your mouth parts when you see the notification.

"Who is it?" Seungmin asks, eyes still glued to his screen.

"Um," you slowly swipe the lock screen away, "Jungsu."

His attention turns to you fully when you admit as much. "What'd he say?"

You open your messages, a little self-conscious as Seungmin scoots closer to see the conversation. The last time you'd texted Jungsu outside of the group chat was a month ago, when you were still blissfully unaware of the upcoming layoffs and merely amused by a funny animal video that reminded you of him. The thumbnail of the cuddly, sleep-rumpled kitty is halfway visible, Jungsu's emoji-filled reply nestled right between it and the text he had sent just now.

jungsu: was your flight okay?

"Does that sound … passive aggressive to you at all?" you ask tentatively.

Seungmin squints at the message, scratching his head. "Nah, I don't think so. He's just asking."

"Okay."

you: it was fine. seungmin picked me up ^^

jungsu: good!!

jungsu: i wish i could've gone to the airport too to welcome you ㅠㅠ

you: me too haha but it's ok

"He should be off work in about an hour," Seungmin tells you, then nudges your shoulder with his own. "You want him to come over for dinner? Your choice."

The thing is, you should say yes. It should be as natural as breathing, because that's how it had been for as long as you can remember, and because Jungsu is probably still a little upset even if he doesn't admit it.

But you hesitate, and Seungmin takes it as a no.

"If it's too many people, that's—"

"No, it's okay. I don't want to leave him out," you murmur, already typing.

Like Seungmin, Jungsu will be in your life until its unspectacular end. And despite how distant you've been lately, that is still where you want him to be.

you: seungmin's staying for dinner, u wanna come over too?

—

An hour later, the doorbell rings, and you open the door to a stiff breeze, stray snowflakes, and Kim Jungsu.

His nose and cheeks are rosy from the cold. The front bangs of his hair (blond, freshly dyed, longer) stick out from underneath the knitted cap he's had since high school, dusted with snow, and the white of his breath dissipates before it can reach the toasty threshold of your home.

(You think, as you always have, that he looks pretty.)

His eyelashes flutter when he meets your gaze.

You bite the bullet. "Hey."

"Hi," he breathes.

You move to let him inside. He quickly sheds his winter gear, and you get a whiff of ginger and fried food when he gives you a hug.

"Welcome home," he whispers before he pulls away. He smiles at you, and even though you look for it, you can't find a single drop of resentment.

You manage to give him a small smile in return. His hands are a bit cold when they squeeze yours once, but the rest of him is warm. You try not to linger too close.

"Yo, Jungsu!" Seungmin leans over the back of the couch just a few feet away, and Jungsu walks over to hug him as well. "How was work?"

"Good, just busy. Some out-of-towners are staying the night because of the storm warning."

"Oh." You trail after Jungsu and Seungmin to the kitchen, where your mother has set the food out. Jungsu greets your mother affectionately, and she responds in kind before filling her own plate and heading to the living room to allow the three of you to gossip. "Anyone our age?"

"Nope."

"Damn."

"You know the only people that pass through here are old couples and families with little kids," you say, settling into your chair. The arrangement is the usual one—you on the side closest to the sink, Seungmin on your right, Jungsu right across from you. "We've never had anybody our age stop here for the night."

Seungmin points at you with his spoon. "No, there was that one guy when we were in high school, remember? The one with the shady van. Our moms thought he was trying to sell us drugs."

"He told me he was an artist," Jungsu adds, "but the entire time he stayed at the inn, I didn't see any artwork or supplies. He just had a small duffel bag that he carried everywhere."

"Drugs," you say.

"Or money from drugs," Seungmin says.

"He was really creepy." Swallowing his food, Jungsu leans forward as if you hadn't talked about the strange man countless times before, on nights just like this. "But he paid for the two nights he was here."

"In cash, right?"

"Yeah."

"If he was an artist," you say, thoughtfully, "he would have painted the view behind the inn."

Jungsu nods with a smile. "I think so, too. I don't think an artist would've ignored it." His glance towards you sticks. You shift just slightly in your seat as he chews his bottom lip and then asks, tone careful, "Do you guys want to go tomorrow morning? The sunrise will be pretty after the snowstorm."

"Sure," Seungmin readily agrees. He raises his eyebrows at you. "[Y/n]? You game?"

You open your mouth for a reply that you haven't yet formed. "... Oh, um," you finally say, nervous from the two pairs of eyes peering over into yours, unassuming and familiar though they are. "I don't know. I'm kind of tired from the flight ..."

Seungmin's mouth presses into knowing disappointment at the corners. Jungsu blinks and nods; his hopeful smile shrinks the tiniest bit, though to you it might as well be by a mile.

"Ah, right, you should rest," Jungsu replies in a softer voice, and he reaches across to pat the space in front of your bowl. "Maybe later this week?"

You stir your food around. "Sure."

"I can still meet you at the inn tomorrow morning, Jungsu," Seungmin says. He keeps his gaze on you. "I'll leave at seven, so if [Y/n] is awake, we can walk there together. Sound good to you, [Y/n]?"

The offer is well-meaning. You wonder how much pity your cousin holds for you right now, for it certainly bleeds into your own self-pity, and there is not much for you to do in response other than bob your head half-heartedly. Underneath the table, Seungmin's foot bumps yours.

The three of you finish dinner in relative silence.

And yet, after you use your excuse of fatigue once more and hug them goodbye for the night, taking a hot shower and settling into bed, you set your alarm for a quarter to seven.

—

"You're here." Jungsu sounds surprised within the warmth of his scarf and winter jacket. "You're not too tired?"

You note how the snow rises up above your knees as you nod slowly. Jungsu's eyes crescent with a hidden grin, and he takes a hold of your arm as the three of you march across the yard towards the edge of the hill behind the Kim family's inn.

Jungsu's family has owned this property for several generations, but it was only during his granddad's generation that they had decided to develop it and make a bit of money off the folks who pass through your hometown. The building is a small thing, but it is clean and very well taken care of, and the meals are always warm.

The best part of the inn, however, is the view.

It's still pretty dark outside. You stop at a bench, brushing it off and sitting down between Jungsu and Seungmin while you observe the thin sliver of orange peeking out from behind the trees.

"It's too cold."

"Don't fall asleep," Seungmin teases. "You'll get hypothermia."

"I won't," you grumble, though your eyes are half-lidded. "Jungsu has the coffee, doesn't he?"

"Here," Jungsu says, handing a small thermos to you before suddenly retracting. "Ah, wait. It might still be too hot." He unscrews the lid, steam bursting upward into the icy morning air and then sideways as he blows over the top of the drink a few times, taking a tentative sip before deeming it acceptable to share. "Okay, here."

He brings the thermos almost to your lips, but then seems to think better of it and simply hands it over with a slight blush, though not quick enough to beat the blood crawling to your cheeks.

"Thanks, Mom," you mutter, drinking from the cup. Truthfully, the drink is more of a hot chocolate, with some instant coffee added in. You refrain from being greedy and pass it to Seungmin.

Mouth and throat and stomach now warmed, you settle back, watching the sky as the darkness slowly peels farther and farther back.

When you hold your breath, you can almost hear the sun stirring underneath the indigo.

"I think you're right, Jungsu," Seungmin says over the lip of the thermos. "This is going to be a really good sunrise."

"They're always extra beautiful after a storm."

"Wow. Deep."

"It's too early and cold for deep thoughts," you mutter.

Jungsu tilts his head. "Do you need more layers? We have some inside."

"Oh, no, it's okay. I'm just finding things to complain about ..." still, Jungsu's brow remains furrowed, and you stumble slightly over your words, "as one does ..."

"Have some more coffee," Seungmin says, pushing the thermos in your direction.

You do as you're told.

The red-orange dappling the clouds has given way to something light and golden. As the minutes creep by, the sun shows itself above the trees, a shock of bright yellow whose glow reaches out and up.

It's blinding, the light, but you look anyway, wondering how something you've seen a million times can still feel like the first.

"Wow," you state into the still air, mostly to yourself.

The boys hum in agreement. You continue staring at the sky, hearing Jungsu finish rest of the coffee and snap the lid shut.

"I have to pee," Seungmin says suddenly. "See you guys inside for breakfast?"

You blink rapidly. As your cousin stands up, leaving only you and Jungsu on the bench, the slightest bit of nerves overtakes you. "Oh, I—"

"Okay," Jungsu says at the same time you start to stand, and you freeze. He is still seated, though now he casts you a surprised glance. "Oh. Do you have to go too?"

You avoid Seungmin's eyes and slowly sit back down, shaking your head. "N-No, I just thought we were all going now. Let's stay for a few more minutes."

"... Alright."

The crunch of Seungmin's boots through the snow fades into the distance as the two of you look back at the pale sky. Golden sunlight brushes the expanse of snow at the bottom of the hill, smooth and bright.

You burrow your chin into your scarf, the winter morning showing its bite in exchange for the view it is granting you.

"It's really pretty."

Jungsu's soft voice breaks through the silence. His expression is one of perfect contentment; his eyes catch the early light in a gentle way, and you find yourself momentarily at a loss for words.

When he meets your gaze, you smile quickly with your eyes, and a laugh like a small bell escapes through his scarf.

"[Y/n]," he says, "I'm glad you showed up."

"You didn't think I would."

"I hoped you would. You usually do, even though you always complain about waking up early." Jungsu pauses for a moment, and then his gaze flickers downwards. "But ... I don't know. It's been a while, I guess, so I just didn't want to get my hopes up."

He doesn't have to specify that he's talking about more than just the sunrise.

"I'm sorry." The apology is quieter than you had thought it would be, and the shame speaks louder than you had anticipated. You clear your throat. "Are you still upset with me?"

"Honestly?" He sighs. "I was still pretty upset until yesterday. But then I went to your house, and you opened the door—and then, well. I was just happy that you were back."

Oh. "Oh," you say.

Jungsu is quiet again. He tugs on the fingers of his gloves, and you track the movement idly, hyperaware of the hands that those gloves keep warm, steady hands that hold and play and tap. You swallow. Your throat feels tight.

"Can you promise me something, though?"

"Yeah?"

"Just be honest with me from now on," he requests. "We're best friends. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"I know, Jungsu." The sentence is little more than a breath, but he hears you nevertheless, and he smiles before making a noise of realization.

"Ah, right, we should head inside, huh? Seungmin's probably waiting."

"He's a patient guy ... it's cold, though."

"Yeah, you've mentioned that once or twice."

You chuckle sheepishly as Jungsu stands and holds out a hand, helping you up. The sun shines behind your heads while you walk back to the inn, shoulder-to-shoulder.

You think about what he had said, and about the feeling of his hand in yours, and your heart clenches as if in warning.

Anything, but not everything.

—

Two weeks pass, and the boys still find things to keep you busy nearly every day. You suspect that it is partially at the request of your parents and partially due to worry they had mustered on their own; you are currently unemployed, after all, and they fear that idleness will make you depressed or delinquent or some other "D" word that describes small-town people your age whose hopes and dreams have been crushed by the big bad world outside. If you occupy yourself with cooking dinners and buying groceries and taking snowy winter walks, you won't have time to spiral into despair (which also starts with "D").

Today, the activity is preparing classroom decorations for the new year. Seungmin has tasked you with making lanterns and people out of colored construction paper, and so you have cluttered the table in the corner of the inn's dining area with clippings of various colors, being careful not to drop any on the floor.

"Wouldn't it be easier to print a coloring page and cut them out?"Jungsu asks after he finishes cleaning the other tables, sleeves rolled up to his elbows in a way that looks too good to have been done thoughtlessly. He leans over your shoulder, and the back of your neck prickles with heat. "Where's Seungmin, anyway?"

"Went to the store to get more stickers and colored duct tape," you say, unsheathing a craft knife to tackle the more minute details. "He'll probably come back with snacks, too."

Jungsu hums. "You're good at this," he says, sitting down next to you and picking up a cutout. You had clothed it in layers of different-colored shapes of paper, and he inspects the hem of their skirt with the tips of his fingers. "I bet you could become a teacher's aide for Seungmin's classroom."

"Probably." You take the cutout from him to paste googly eyes onto it. "Waste of my degree, though."

"… Well … I don't think we have any good tech startups around here. Or any at all. Maybe an IT job?"

You remain noncommittal, cool, even as the thought of job hunting all over again fills you with gut-curling dread. "That's probably what I'll end up doing," you say. "Not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon."

Your voice must hold more bitterness than you think, because Jungsu looks a bit uncomfortable at your words, furrowing his brow.

"Is it really that bad to live here?"

Count on you to sour the mood again. "I—no," you reply slowly, "but I mean, come on, Jungsu. You know all the good-paying jobs for me are in the city, right?"

"Seungmin and I are doing okay," Jungsu defends.

"Your family has been here forever and runs a business here, so of course you'd stay. And Seungmin is Seungmin. He'll be okay wherever he is." You tilt the cutout back and forth. The googly eyes move in response. "But I'm just me. I have to take every opportunity I can so I don't waste my life."

Jungsu opens his mouth and then closes it. His lips purse, and you can tell that you've displeased him.

(Jungsu has always been the sentimental type. He has found his dreams within the realm of your hometown; even while you both had gone to college in the city and been dazzled by the promises of big careers and changing the world, in the end, he had kept his love for the simple comforts of family, the inn, and the known. And so he had come back to stay. You understand, and at the same time, you don't think you ever will.)

"I'm never going to change your mind," he replies, laughing a little dryly. "Am I?"

"Probably not."

"Geez ..." A long sigh escapes him. He fixes you with a wistful smile and picks up a pair of scissors. "Then I guess we should keep putting you to work while you're stuck here, wasting just part of your life."

You kick him underneath the table. Jungsu snickers, taking a sheet of paper to cut out the lantern trapped in the middle of it.

The box of permanent markers is on the other side of where he's seated. You stand up slightly to reach around him, hooking your fingers over the edge of plastic and dragging it closer.

"You could've just asked me to pass them to you."

"Well, you were being mean, so"—you make the mistake of turning your head to look at him, and promptly choke at the close proximity—"so, uh ... um ..."

He tilts his head unbearably slowly, blinking up at you with a look of both amusement and bewilderment as you make a fool of yourself once more. Your eyes trace down the slope of his nose and pause on his lips, and your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth.

"... Are you okay?"

Soft.

"I'm ffine," you blurt, sitting down swiftly with a hot face. You do your best to hide it from him. "Stop slacking and go back to work."

"Now who's being mean?"

Jungsu gets up after cutting out the rest of the lantern, pushing it and the offending box of markers closer towards you. He pats your back gently before sauntering off to continue his daily tasks.

—

"Aw, look. It's Ankle Sprain Seungmin."

Seungmin drops his head back against the couch. "Once again, that's the dumbest thing you guys could have ever called me. C minus. F, even."

"It's more about how you got it," you explain, elementary school yearbook propped up against your torso as you tap a scrawny, cheeky-looking Oh Seungmin in the corner of one page. "It was a warm spring day, and you just had to show Kim Hayeon that you could jump down from the top of the jungle gym." Seungmin rolls his eyes. Jungsu bites down on his bottom lip, muffling a laugh, and you continue somberly. "Instead, you sprained your ankle and we had to carry you to the nurse's office."

"It actually worked, though," Jungsu counters. "Because Hayeon came up to him afterwards and asked if he was okay."

"All part of the plan. She thought I broke my ankle and was pretty worried for me."

You give a thumbs down. "Boo. Lamest way to pick up a girl."

Your cousin shrugs and takes a swig of beer. He purses his lips, flicking at the tab of his now-empty can as he says casually, "Didn't you have a crush on our homeroom teacher in sixth grade?"

This time, Jungsu bursts into laughter. "Oh, my god, you totally did!"

You slam the yearbook shut, mortified, and hit Seungmin over the shoulder with it. The jerk doesn't even have the decency to look sorry. "Shut up! Why would you even bring that up?!"

"What, I can't counterattack?"

"You're older than me, so you have to put up with it."

Seungmin squints. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"No! Jungsu, you're the oldest. Tell him to toughen up."

"Okay, okay," Jungsu steps in, hands out in a placating gesture even as he recovers from his laughing fit. "Let's just say you're both even now. We all had embarrassing crushes."

"Speaking of which, Jungsu, I only remember you having one crush in high school," Seungmin says. "What was her name? She was in choir."

"Oh Jimin," you answer.

You remember Oh Jimin.

"Yeah, Jimin. She had a really nice voice."

"She did," Jungsu agrees. "I was too nervous to ask her out, though. She actually got married last year to one of her classmates."

"Really?"

Seungmin pulls his phone out to show you the wedding photos on Instagram. You look with mild interest. She's beautiful, has that glow that brides have. Her smile is the same. You remember when it would reduce Jungsu to wide-eyed, red-faced silence.

Seeing her now makes you feel guilty for the resentment you held for her as a teenager.

"Seungmin, please get married soon," you say, attempting to redirect yourself. "People will start to think something's wrong with the three of us if you don't."

Seungmin raises an eyebrow. "Find me someone to date, first," he shoots back. "And why should it be me? Why don't you or Jungsu get married?"

The 'or' in the second sentence does a lot of heavy lifting in your mind.

You cross your arms, scoffing. "To who?"

"I dunno." Seungmin pauses. Then, to your horror, he lifts a finger and waggles it between you and Jungsu. "But at this rate, if both of you are still single in twenty years, you might as well marry each other."

It's almost two o'clock in the morning. Perhaps you can blame what happens next on the late hour, or on the presence of alcohol, or maybe if you are really honest, you can just blame it on yourself.

Jungsu's cheeks have long been flushed, but you wonder if they've become just a little darker when he responds, chuckling, "O-Oh, no. No, [Y/n]'ll find someone before then."

You blink, your heart ripped in two.

"Wow, not even a maybe?" You do your best to sound upbeat, but your voice pitches oddly at the end, and you know Jungsu notices when his smile stiffens. "Am I that bad?"

He shakes his head quickly. "No, I meant that you'll find someone else—"

"But what if I didn't?"

The living room falls silent. The way Jungsu's expression turns pained tells you all you need to know.

Seungmin utters no more than half your name before you stand up and dash out of the room.

Your cousin's house is small. You reach the guest bedroom within seconds and fumble with the doorknob to open it, closing the door hard behind you.

Your feet carry you towards the hidden space between the bed and the far wall. Once you sit down, what feels like a decade's worth of waterworks turn on, and you cover your mouth and sob.

You had imagined Jungsu's rejection time and time again. But recently, you had also begun to think that, maybe—

Well. Maybe it was never.

Hiccuping, you draw your sleeve across your eyes.

Why would he even want you, anyway?

You spend what feels like hours wiping your face until your nose and cheeks feel scraped raw. More than once, you think you are finished, only for Jungsu's pitying expression to resurface in your mind and open the wounds all over again.

But eventually, the tears begin to run dry, and that's when you hear a knock at the door.

"[Y/n]?" It's not Jungsu, but Seungmin. His tone is coaxing. "Can I come in?"

You gulp. The backs of your eyes ache, and you wipe your nose. "Okay."

The latch bolt clicks. You hear the sock-clad footsteps of your cousin approaching before he sits down beside you.

He says nothing for a moment. When you lean against him, eyes closed, he wraps an arm around your shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Seungmin says. "I don't know why I said it. You can hit me, if you'd like."

"You know, don't you?"

Your voice is tiny. Seungmin squeezes you and exhales slowly, and you slump, defeated.

"Yeah."

"Does he know?"

You are deprived of an answer for a good minute. Finally, Seungmin clicks his tongue softly, and he says, "I think the two of you should talk to each other and clear everything up."

"He knows, doesn't he?"

"If he does, he'll tell you. He's still here, if you're willing to talk to him now. I just figured I should check on you first. But you need to talk to him and he needs to talk to you."

"I don't want to."

"But you have to," Seungmin says. His warmth leaves you, and you look up at him desperately as he grabs the throw blanket on his bed and tucks it around you. "You're strong. However it goes, you'll get through it."

The corners of his lips quirk upwards. You can't manage a smile, but his words touch your heart, and you curl into yourself.

"He's still here?"

"Want me to go get him?"

You nod almost imperceptibly.

A few moments later, Seungmin returns with Jungsu and a glass of water. The glass of water is given to you, and Jungsu receives a pat on the back before your cousin leaves the two of you alone.

You bring the glass to your lips and take a long, thin drink. It's cold, but not too cold, with no ice. It makes you feel marginally better.

Eventually, Jungsu speaks up hesitantly.

"Can I sit down?"

You nod, not looking at him.

So he sits down beside you, carefully moving the blanket wrapped around you so as not to sit on it. He brings his knees to his chest. There is an inch of distance between you and him.

You rest your mouth on the rim of your glass, the water touching your lips but going no farther.

"[Y/n] …" Jungsu starts. "I'm really sorry."

The second rejection stings more than punches, alcohol over the raw cut. You breathe out steadily.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I hurt you." You can hear the quiet shake of anxiety in his voice. "I shouldn't have laughed, but I—I got nervous, and then your question caught me off guard, too, and I panicked and didn't know how to reply—"

"Jungsu." You turn to meet his eyes, and you hear him swallow. "I'll be fine. It was a stupid question." You rip your gaze away again, digging your toes into the carpet. "Deep down, I think I already knew it wouldn't happen, anyway."

Jungsu is quiet for a long time.

You realize, with a shameful belatedness, that this is a painful conversation for him as well. Jungsu feels others' emotions like they are his own. He shies away from negative ones, sensitive to them like paper to a flame, and more often that not he appeases them with tight smiles and agreeable responses.

But here, in the dim lamplight of the bedroom, he is holding himself over the fire. He cannot run anymore, just like you.

He finally speaks, his voice nearly a whisper.

"It's not because I don't feel the same way."

Your world stops on its axis.

Your head snaps up. You stare at him with wide eyes. He faces you fully, and you scan his expression for a hint of dishonesty, but it is once again nothing but open. He looks sad. Small.

"What?" you rasp.

"I would," he confesses. "Marry you twenty years from now. Or ten, or five. If I had moved with you to the city, or if you moved back here with me. But we're ... I don't think I could make you happy."

You are sure this is your third rejection. But you are still reeling, because it sounds like it is not your feelings that he is rejecting.

"You're afraid to even try."

"You have bigger dreams than here."

"You had bigger dreams once, too. We could have been together in the city." Old grievances rear their head like a reflex to pain, souring your tongue. "But you backed out."

Jungsu's face pinches. "And if I had stayed with you in the city, what then?" he replies. "We'd hardly visit home? Call Seungmin once a month? Work ourselves to death at a place that wouldn't think twice about getting rid of us?"

Blood rushes to your face.

This is too much. Too many different feelings mixing together, too many things spilling out.

You wring out a laugh and grip the glass in your hands until it's just shy of shattering.

"You liar," you huff, new tears spilling over. "You said you weren't upset anymore."

"Well, maybe I am," Jungsu says.

But his voice wavers, and you know that he is no better than you.

So much for talking it out. The room feels as cold as it had when you'd first entered it.

You don't bother to dry your tears this time. Beside you, Jungsu sniffles quietly, the shuffle of fabric letting you know when he rubs his sweater sleeve against his face.

Somehow, it reminds you of years long past. Crying then didn't feel nearly as pathetic.

"I miss when we were kids."

"... Me too."

You stare into your glass, then drain the rest of the water and set it aside.

"I shouldn't have said that," Jungsu mumbles into his knees. "I'm sorry."

"It's ... it's okay. Um." You lick your lips and say, slowly, "I don't think I ever actually apologized for not keeping in touch as much as I should've. I'm sorry."

"… I forgive you."

"You do?"

He nods.

You relax just the slightest bit. Your shoulder touches his, and when he leans into you in turn, you feel a small amount of relief, heart no longer angry but still sore and bruised.

There's nothing left to lose now. You might as well say everything that's on your mind.

"Jungsu." He hums. "You've always made me happy. Just so ... just so you know."

His brow furrows. "I just made you cry."

"What I mean is that it's always been you."

You are being honest, like you had promised, and the way Jungsu flushes to the tips of his ears is honest as well.

"You deserve better," he says.

"I don't deserve anything. I want you. Don't you feel the same way?"

"I do, but ..." He takes in a breath, his hand finding the crook of your elbow and squeezing. "If we hurt each other and never talked again, I don't think I would be able to handle it. These past two years were already ..."

He trails off. There is a pang in your chest as he bites his lip and presses the edge of his sleeve against one of his eyes, and it dawns on you then just how much you have to atone for.

"I really hurt you," you murmur. "Didn't I?"

Jungsu turns. You are suddenly enveloped in a tight embrace, warm wool and clutching fingers. His heart beats against yours, and it's enough to make you tremble, knowing that this is far more than you will ever deserve.

"Jungsu ..."

"Can you wait for me?" The request is a whisper. "Just give me some time?"

You breathe. "Of course."

His weight bears down on you until you're nearly crushed. You find it within yourself to crack a small smile as he clings to you.

Pressing your cheek against his shoulder, one last question leaves your tongue. "Can we still be best friends?"

His answer is muffled and soft, but sure.

"Always."

—

(You wait for him. Jungsu waits for you, as well. It's a long and slow journey but you find yourselves and, in turn, find each other again.

And you are happy.)

[junhanism]

Beating Hearts

Kwak Jiseok Summary: Of course you would get stuck surviving a zombie apocalypse with the guy that you hate, Kwak Jiseok. (non-idol au) (zombie apocalypse au) WC:~6.8k  Warning:zombies, some gore

photo not mine credits to owner.

To think that just this morning everything was normal. You put on your school uniform, did your hair, had a quick breakfast before your mom was ushering you out the door. Scolding you about sleeping in and how you were going to be late. Despite the fact that school started in thirty minutes and it was only a fifteen minute drive.

Now you're pressed against the guy you swore you hated as the two of you hid in a storage cabinet. Heart racing out of your chest at the sounds of zombies banging and rocking the cabinet you hid in.

“It’s fine, zombies can’t open doors,” he says. He’s trying to help you be less afraid, yet the sounds of hissing zombies just on the other side of the thin metal door don’t allow his words to hold any weight. 

“That doesn’t really ma-” You cut your own self off as a yelp leaves your lung when a particularly strong zombie slams against the cabinet with a loud thump. “Feel any better.” You hate how your voice wavered, showing how scared you truly were. What you hate more is how you don’t hate the feeling of his free arm, that wasn’t holding the door to make sure it stayed shut, wrapping around you. Pulling you closer to him. You can feel his heart beating against your chest and you're pretty sure he can feel yours too. 

How did you end up like this though? It goes back to your second period class, p.e. It was a mile day, so everyone was feeling the dread. The burn you felt in your lungs from running soon turned into a burn of adrenaline pumping through your body. Jiwon, a girl in your class, fainted mid-mile causing everyone concern. You all began to crowd around her despite your p.e. the teacher telling you all to mind your business and keep running, that she would take care of Jiwon. Though you all did start running again. After witnessing Jiwon’s eyes turn bloodshot, her body convulsing, bones breaking, animalistic sounds leaving her mouth. Then to everyone's horror she launches herself at the teacher, sinking her teeth into her neck. The gruesome, bloody scene caused mass panic as you all began to flee the gym. 

After escaping through the double doors of the gym you discover that the rest of the school is in a similar hysteria of chaos. Students running and screaming, trying to get away from other students that have seemingly turned undead.

You feel as if all your senses are heightened as you look around for the safest path. However the sounds of a familiar yell made you whip your head in the direction. Suddenly the safest path didn’t matter as you saw Hyeongjun, your best friend, being tackled by a zombified student. Without hesitation you ran over to where Hyeongjun was. A bit of hesitation did fill your body as you arrived, not knowing quite what to do. There wasn’t really time to think, so your instincts thought for you and you found yourself harshly kicking the zombie off of Hyeongjun, quickly pulling him up from the ground and running away with him. 

“Are you ok?” you checked on him whilst looking for where to go.

Hyeonjun frantically nodded, heavy breaths leaving his lungs. “Thanks to you.”

“Hyeongjun! Y/n!” You hear your names being called. You catch sight of Jooyeon, another friend of yours, frantically waving you into the classroom of a door he has cracked open. Together you and Hyeongjun run towards the classroom. Jooyeon opens the door just a bit wider for you and Hyeongjun to enter before slamming it closed behind the two of you. 

“Are you two ok?” he asked after he turned the lock on the door. Both you and Hyeongjun nod, still panting. 

“We’re fine,” you told him.

“Almost wasn’t,” Hyeongjun said. He’s more saying it to himself though has the gravity of the situation started to weigh on his shoulders. He almost died.

“Hey, you’re ok. You’re my best friend, I got you,” you tell him with a smile and place your hand on his shoulder. A shaky sigh leaves Hyeongjun’s lips, but he still gives you a small smile in return. 

Although, in spite of the comforting words you spoke as you look down at the blood that covered your shoe from kicking the zombie just minutes ago you too begin to feel the gravity of the situation weighing in. You were in some kind of zombie apocalypse. Your life was endangered. 

“Are you sure they’re not infected?” A voice makes you sigh. Oh how you wished you didn’t recognize that annoying voice. The voice of the guy you hate the most, Kwak Jiseok. 

“Look if I was a zombie you would be the first person I bit,” you stated, looking at him with a glare. 

“Ok, I believe you,” he vexingly smirked. “What about him though?” he added, pointing at Hyeongjun. 

“If he was a zombie I’d throw you to him,” you replied giving a foe smile.

“Yeah and I’d gladly bite you if she did,” Hyeongjun goes on to say. This caused the other students of the classroom to look at Hyeongjun with a bit of shock. He was known for his quiet and reserved personality. They never thought they would hear him say such a thing. “What? I’m y/n’s best friend. If she doesn’t like Jiseok then neither do I,” he stated. 

“Look y/n I know you,” Jooyeon pauses briefly,” and apparently Hyeongjun, don’t have the most positive feelings towards Jiseok, but I think it’s obvious this isn’t really a situation where you guys should be at each other’s throats,” Jooyeon tried to mediate. 

“He started it by asking if we were infected,” you defended. 

“It’s a valid question to ask considering what’s going on outside,” Jiseok justified. 

“If Seungmin walked in here would you ask him if he was infected?” you challenged. Seungmin was Jiseok’s best friend. 

“I-” Would he? Jiseok had to think for a second. At the same time the mention of his best friend’s name got him thinking. Was Seungmin even ok? He has no idea where he was right now. He hoped Seungmn was ok, wherever he was.

“See?” you pointed. 

“Whatever, it still is a valid question. We don’t need any zombies in here with us,” Jiseok said. You knew he was right, but you would never say that out loud, so instead you rolled your eyes and walked away with Hyeongjun over to a set of desks that were away from Jiseok. 

Just like how Jiseok would never say out loud how he envied you right now. You had your best friend right beside you. You knew that each other were safe and were there to look out for one another. He would also never admit how as he watched you through the small glass window of the classroom door that he admired how you rushed to Hyeongjun and saved him without a second thought. Given the chance though he would call you dumb for running towards a zombie without any regards for your own safety. 

Feeling a pair of eyes on you, you turn your head to discover Jiseok staring at you. Before you can even do or say anything about it he’s looking away acting like he wasn’t staring at you. Hyeongjun too noticed how Jiseok was staring at you. The two of you exchanged questioning looks about it.

“I can’t believe we’re stuck with him,” you mumble. 

“I know, of all people,” Hyeongjun responded. “Jooyeon did have a point though. Now isn’t the time to be fighting.” 

“I know,” you reluctantly said with a less than happy look. “What should we do though? We can’t stay in this classroom forever?” 

Almost on cue you hear slams of zombies against the classroom door. Succeeding in making everyone jump with their heart rates spiking. 

“I-it’s fine..zombies c-can’t open doors,” Jooyeon's voice shook as he cautiously stepped away from the door. 

“We should barricade the door just in case,” Jiseok spoke. You look at him for a few moments. It’s not a bad idea. You look at Hyeongjun and he nods in agreement, so the two of you go to work picking up a desk and moving it to block the door. Jiseok is a bit surprised by your compliance, yet joins you and Hyeongjun in blocking the door. 

“Here,” you say, handing Jiseok a chair to add to the barricade.

“Thanks.” He takes the chair from you. His fingers brush against your despite that there was plenty of room elsewhere for him to grab the chair. You thought he did it on purpose to simply annoy you. Believe it or not his finger brushing against yours was actually an accident. Jiseok wasn’t looking at the chair when he took it from you but rather where he planned to stack it, so the feeling of your skin brushing against his caught him by surprise. The touch was brief, but he was still able to feel how cold your fingers were. He now looks over to where you and Hyeongjun were grabbing some more chairs. He notices how you’re only wearing your p.e. uniform. It certainly wasn’t the warmest set of clothes. Especially for the science room you were in that was known for being cold. Jiseok’s brows knit together as he feels a weird feeling in his chest. A feeling that he thankfully can’t focus on too long due to the sounds of more zombies banging and growling on the other side of the door. 

The barricade was finished and the only thing left to do for the time being was to sit around. Maybe trying to come up with ideas for what to do. The sounds of the undead fill the silence, not helping anyone feel calm. You sit with your back against a wall, knees brought up to your chest. The cool air of the room dancing across your exposed arms and legs. The zombie apocalypse really couldn’t have waited until after you finished gym.

A phone going off caught everyone’s attention. It was Jiseok’s, who was quick to pull the phone from his pocket. A sigh of relief leaves his lungs when he reads Seungmin’s name from his screen. 

“Hello,” he answered. “Yeah man I’m alright. I’m in room 307 with Jooyeon, Hyeongjun and…y/n,” he adds your name with some reluctance. You let out a scoff at it. “Yeah I know, whatever. Are you alright?” he checked on Seungmin. Much to Jiseok’s ease he found out that Seungmin was indeed ok. That he was with Gunil and Jungsu and coincidentally he was in room 507 which was directly one story above the room you all were currently in. Jiseok made his way to the window of the classroom checking that it was clear of zombies first before he opened it up. 

“What are you doing?” you questioned him. Only for him to shush you.

“Guys!’ You Hear Jiseok shout as he’s leaning out the window, looking up. You, Hyeongjun and Jooyeon also make your way to the window cramping your bodies together as you peer out of the window.

“Y/n it really is you,” you hear Jungsu call from above. He, Seungmin and Gunil are all peering down at the group of you. 

“Yeah it’s me. How are you guys?” you hollered. 

“We’re ok!” he confirmed. 

“How do you like being stuck with Jiseok?” Seungmin teasingly asked. 

“Shut up!” you tell him to which he laughs. 

“I’m not happy about being stuck with you either,” Jiseok states. 

“Why would you be?” you fired back. 

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry, but we should try to meet up don’t you think?” Seungmin interjected. Jiseok is the first to nod in agreement. 

“How do we do that though? It’s too dangerous for either of us to leave the rooms we’re in,” Jooyeon prompted. 

“I guess we need to find a way for you guys to come up or us to come down,” Gunil stated. 

“Are you crazy? You want us to scale the building?” Hyeongjun clearly didn’t like the idea. 

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Jungsu also showed leeriness towards the idea. 

“We’ll come up to you guys,” Jiseok suddenly answered. 

“Excuse you. Why do you get to decide that?” you harshly questioned Jiseok. 

“The best option for us is to get to the roof, which will be easier to do from the second floor. We can go to the nurses office that is down the hall and get the curtains to use as a rope,” Jiseok explained. 

“Who is we exactly?” you questioned, pulling yourself back in from the window and folding your arms over your chest.

“Me and you.” He points to himself then you. 

“No,” you immediately decline. 

“Don’t be difficult. It’s not like I want to go with you, but we’re the best two options. Jooyeon is too much of a coward-”

“Aye!” Jooyeon shouts offended. Jiseok turns and gives him a look.

“Do you want to come with me then?” he probed. The color of Jooyeon’s face drained at the mere thought of venturing out of the room. 

 “O-Ok you’re right I’m a coward, but you didn’t need to say it like that,” Jooyeon says, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with anyone. 

“I can go,” Hyeongjun offered. 

“No,” you quickly shut down his offer. “I feel better knowing you’re safe in here,” you tell him. Hyeongjun nods. A relieved breath leaves his lungs. Truth be told he was also terrified of leaving the room after his last encounter with a zombie that almost took his life, but for you and your safety he would risk it. 

“See, that leaves you and me,” Jiseok says. You let out an annoyed sigh. 

“Fine, but don’t expect me to protect you. Watch your own back,” you told him. Though you’re not sure if your words really hold any weight. Would you protect Jiseok if a zombie attacked him? You hate to admit it, but you don’t think you hate Jiseok enough to see him become zombie feed. 

“I’m more than capable of looking out for myself,” he voices. 

The two of you make your way over to the barricaded door, moving the stacked desks and chairs just enough for you two to slip by. 

“Be careful,” Hyeongjun sincerely tells you with a pleading look in his eyes. 

“I will, don’t worry,” you assure him. Despite your calming words you can feel your heart make its way into your throat. 

“Ready?” Jiseok checked. You can see the uneasiness in his eyes. 

“As I’ll ever be,” you reply. Deep breaths fall from your lungs as you approach the classroom door. Jiseok quietly cracks the door open as he scans the surroundings. Zombies linger in the hall. Fortunately the path to the nurses office is pretty clear. The pair of you will still have to avoid some zombies though. 

“We have to be quiet,” he tells you as he opens the door far enough for you two to slip out. 

“I know,” you whisper. 

Both of you stay close to the wall as you silently creep your way to the nurses office. You feel like your heart rate peaks with each tap of your steps against the school's floors. Were footsteps always so loud? You forget how to breathe as you sneak past the first zombie that was distracted by feasting on the corpse of an unfortunate student. 

“Hey, keep moving.” All of the sudden you felt Jiseok’s warm fingers wrapping around your wrist. You didn’t even notice how your footsteps stopped as you stared at the gruesome sight in front of you. You can feel your pulse drum against his fingers and you wonder if he can feel it too. Any other time you would have immediately would have yanked your wrist from his hold, however right now you didn’t seem to care. 

Jiseok can feel your pulse under his fingers. He also feels how cold your skin is against his. It once more reminds him of your less than warm attire. He feels that odd feeling stirring in his chest again, however this is no time to pay attention to it. He keeps his eyes trained on the door to the nurses office. Oddly enough he finds the feeling of your pulse drumming against his hold comforting, he is grateful that you didn’t instantly rip it away from his grasp. 

Only after closing the door to the nurse’s office are you somewhat able to find your breath. Jiseok goes to collect the curtains whilst you make your way over to the desk, opening up the bottom drawer. 

“What are you doing?” Jiseok asked you. 

“The nurse keeps snacks in here,” you answered, holding up a granola bar. You load the snacks up into a discarded purse that more than likely belonged to the nurse. Then you move to help Jiseok with the curtains. Standing on the bed as you reach to undo the clasps that connected the curtain to the overhanging rod. 

BANG!

Jiseok and you jump out of your skin as the door to the nurses office (not the one you entered in, but the one that connects the nurses office to the main office. Both of you failed to notice that it wasn’t full shut.) flew open slamming into the wall. Zombies began to pile into the room. 

“What do we do?” Jiseok panics as the zombies quickly made their way towards you both. 

“This way,” You quickly grabbed Jiseok’s hand and drug him over to the metal storage cabinet that was just beside the beds. You open the door to the storage cabinet and just as you’re about to step inside a zombie grabs Jiseok by his school uniform jacket. Jiseok’s hand grips yours so hard it hurts as he tries to free himself from the zombie’s clutches. Fear evidently spiking in him. Just then you notice a pair of scissors on the top shelf of the cabinet. You reach up with your free hand grabbing the scissors and start to move the scissors in his direction.

“What are you-?” For a second Jiseok is scared you’re going to stab him with the scissors. You did tell him you wouldn’t protect him. However the scissors passed right by his head, stabbing into the zombie's head that was holding him. You’re then able to pull Jiseok into the cabinet and shut the doors. It all happened so fast that Jiseok can hardly process what happened. You saved him. You saved him. You saved him. 

“You’re welcome,” you told him matter-of-factly. 

“R-right, t-thank you,” he stuttered out, still in shock. Zombies gathered around the cabinet trying to get to you and Jiseok. 

“Jiseok I swear if I die because of your stupid plan to get the curtains I’m gonna-” Your words get cut off as zombies rock the metal cabinet, causing you to fall into his chest. 

“It’s fine, zombies can’t open doors,” he says. He’s trying to help you be less afraid, yet the sounds of hissing zombies just on the other side of the thin metal door don’t allow his words to hold any weight. 

“That doesn’t really ma-” You cut your own self off as a yelp leaves your lung when a particularly strong zombie slams against the cabinet with a loud thump. “Feel any better.” You hate how your voice wavered, showing how scared you truly were. What you hate more is how you don’t hate the feeling of his free arm, that wasn’t holding the door to make sure it stayed shut, wrapping around you. Pulling you closer to him. You can feel his heart beating against your chest and you're pretty sure he can feel yours too. 

“You said you wouldn’t protect me,” he brought up. You can feel his breath ghost across the side of your face. You don’t know if he’s insane for wanting to talk about that now or if he’s trying to distract you from your current situation.

You let out a mix of a scoff and a sigh. “Should I have let you be zombie feed?” 

“No, I’m grateful that you saved me.” He takes a breath. “And I’m sorry that I took Seungmin from you all those years ago.” There it was, the old wound, the reason why you hated Jiseok. He stole Seungmin from you. Before you and Hyeongjun became best friends Seungmin was your best friend. In a second the already cramped storage cabinet felt all too small. 

“Why would you bring that up now?” Jiseok feels a tinge in his heart at how much hurt your voice is filled with. It had been so many years since then, yet your tone sounded as if it happened yesterday. 

“Cause I almost just died and all I could think about was how I never apologized to you,” he revealed. “I never meant to steal him from you either. Truthfully I wanted to be friends with both of you, but before I knew what was happening you were gone. Then you were laughing with Hyeongjun and I never knew how to approach you,” he confessed. 

“Before you knew what was happening? You and Seungmin kept making plans without me. At first I thought ok they’re doing bro things or whatever, but then it didn’t seem like either of you cared that I wasn’t there, so I gave up. Ended up befriending Hyeongjun,” you told your side of the story. Guilt filled Jiseok’s stomach. He supposes him and Seungmin did get caught up doing quote unquote bro things and by the time they realized they were leaving you out you were already gone.

“You’re right it-” Jiseok begins to speak. 

“Look, it's fine. If it didn’t happen I wouldn’t be friends with Hyeongjun and I can’t imagine my life without him, so let’s just let it be in the past,” you tried to end the wound poking conversation. Jiseok finds discomfort in his stomach at the declaration that you can’t imagine your life without Hyeongjun. He knows that he’s your best friend. Any best friend would say that they can’t imagine their life without their best friend. Yet he also doesn’t like how the image of you putting your hand on Hyeongjun’s shoulder flashes through his mind or how Hyeongjun was known for not being a touchy person, yet he never shied away from your touch. He was jealous. 

“It sounds like the zombies are gone,” he notes, changing the topic. He’s right, the rocking of the storage cabinet you two were hiding in stopped and you could hear the sounds of zombies roaming outside but not in the nurse's office.

“Let’s get the curtains and get out of here then.” You pull away from Jiseok and open the cabinet door. You’ll blame missing the feeling of his warmth on your dingy p.e. uniform that provided you with little warmth. Jiseok can’t think of anything to blame for missing the feeling of you close other than he liked having you close. He likes having you so close that he could feel your heartbeat.

The curtains are collected and messily folded in Jiseok’s arms while you carry the purse you filled with snacks. The venture back to the classroom almost feels like you walked through a fog because after vacating the nurse’s office the next thing you remember is the feeling of Hyeongjun’s arms pulling you into a hug. 

“Are you ok? We heard a lot of noise that sounded like it came from the nurses office and you two were gone for so long I started to think that I lost you and I-” Hyeongjun messily rambled. 

“I’m ok Hyeongjun,” you affirmed, hugging him back. 

Jealousy, that was indeed the discomfort Jiseok felt in his stomach. The tinge he felt in his chest, in his heart were the feelings he has for you. It hits Jiseok as he watches the hug you and Hyeongjun share. Suddenly he feels like he wants to throw up, as if all his repressed feelings for you were bubbling up to the surface. Because maybe all those years ago when he wanted to be friends with you and Seungmin it was actually him wanting to be closer to you. Oh how he terribly messed that up. 

Hyeongjun and you part from your hug. The familiar feeling of eyes on you caused you to turn your head. Once more you find Jiseok staring at you. His eyes widen slightly as you catch him. He clears his throat and practically marches over to the window with the curtains. 

“We got them!” he announces to the group of guys above. 

“What took you so long we were getting worried!” Seungmin called out. Jiseok and you exchange looks, recalling the events that happened in the nurse’s office just moments ago. 

“Sorry, we’re ok. I almost became zombie food, but y/n saved me,” Jiseok told. 

“Y/n saved you?” Seungmin, Jungsu and Gunil and chorused in surprise. Jooyeon and Hyeongjun also wear matching looks of shock at the news.

“Let’s just tie the curtains together,” you quickly say. 

Once the curtains were tied it took a few attempts before you guys were able to toss them up the upper floor, but somehow you managed to do it. Now the four of you stared at the makeshift rope of curtains.

“Who wants to go first?” Jooyeon questioned, clearly not wanting to be the one to test out the durability of the curtains. All of you exchange looks with one another. When you lock eyes with Jiseok your heart begins to beat faster and it feels like the open classroom you’re in is too small.

“I’ll go first,” you volunteer. Wanting to get away from whatever feelings were developing in your chest. You approach the window and grasp the curtain with shaky hands and begin your  ascend to the second floor. 

When you reach the second floor two hands reach out in front of you to help you in. One belongs to Seungmin and the other belongs to Jungsu. You chose to grab Jungsu’s. His was closer, you reasoned. Didn’t have anything to do with old wounds getting reopened. The other three safely made the climb up to the second floor. Jiseok and Seungmin share a brotherly hug at their happy reunion.

You used to think that an apology was all that you needed. Now though, as you watch Jiseok and Seungmin hug. You realize maybe you held a lot of repressed hurt that you covered with hatred. Maybe you always wanted to hear their side of the story, but were too afraid that the answer would be that they didn’t care to be your friend anymore. Maybe you did leave them first because you were scared of being disregarded. 

“Did something else happen in the nurse’s office?” Hyeongjun quietly asked you, noticing how you were looking at Seungmin and Jiseok. You pull your eyes away from them to look at Hyeongjun. 

“Jiseok almost died,” you told the part of the story that everyone already knew. 

“Yeah?” Hyeongjun looked at you to continue. You leaned closer to his ear to whisper the rest. 

“And he said the only thing he could think about was how he never apologized,” you informed. Hyeongjun’s eyes widen, eyebrows rising with them. 

“He apologized?” he inferred. 

“Yeah…he did,” you say. 

“Are you ok?” he checks on you. 

“I don’t know,” you reply honestly. “I think I need to talk to them though. I think we have a conversation that’s long overdue.” Hyeongjun nods understandingly. 

“I’m here whenever you need me,” he reminds you. 

“I know, thank you,” you nod, giving him an almost imperceivable smile. Your eyes wander back to where Seungmin and Jiseok stood to find them already staring at you and Hyeongjun.

Presently the larger group that consisted of the seven of you sat in a circle on the floor of the classroom. Thankfully for you this classroom was warmer than the science one, you could still feel the cold creeping on your skin though. The snacks you took from the nurse’s office had been passed around to everyone and you were currently discussing what the best plan would be to make it onto the school's roof. 

“We could try to take the stairs,” Jungsu suggested.

“But what if the door is locked?” Jooyeon countered. 

“There’s a ladder in the janitor's room that leads to the roof,” you disclosed. A perplexed look falls over everyone's faces. 

“How do you know that?” Hyeongjun asked you. 

“I used it once. It was last year Mr. Park asked me to go borrow a screwdriver from the janitor. When I entered the room the janitor said I had good timing saying that he needed an extra hand on the roof. I expected us to walk to the stairs but instead he started up the ladder and opened a hatch to the roof,” you told. 

“The janitor’s room is kinda far from here though isn’t it?” Gunil brought up. 

“Yeah, it’s in the back of the school by the library,” you nodded. 

“So the stairs are the safer route, but we don’t know if the doors are unlocked and the janitor’s room has a ladder that we know will lead to the roof, but it’s the riskier path,” Seumgmin concluded. 

“Or we could climb from the window again,” Jooyeon suggested. 

“Would you like to go first in doing that?” you challenged him. 

“Well..um..maybe not.” Jooyeon scratched the back of his neck. 

“Plus we don’t have anything to secure the curtains to either,” Jisesok added.

“If we could get one or two people on the roof to secure the curtain it’s not a bad idea actually,” Seungmin said. 

“Still we need to figure out how to get there,” you reminded. 

“Maybe we don’t need to walk through the halls,” Gunil says. 

“What do you mean?” you asked him. Gunil gets up and heads over to the window. The rest of you get off from your spots on the floor and follow him over to the window. Gunil opens up the window then points several classrooms over.

“If someone can get over to the drainage pipe they can use it to climb up onto the roof,” he explained. 

“I don’t know, that seems really sketchy,” Jungsu voices his concern. 

“Yeah what if they fall?” You all look down to see the zombies roaming around. One misstep and they’d be zombie dinner. 

“Two people can go. To look out for one another,” Gunil suggested. Glancing to the side your gaze meets with Jiseok’s. You remember the feeling of his arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you against him. The warmth of his breath across your face. The rhythm of his beating heart. Why did going with him not sound like the worst idea ever?

Jiseok recalls the feeling of your hand grabbing his. How you saved him from the vicious zombie that desperately wanted to taste his flesh. How you felt in his arms. The drumming of your heart against his chest. Could he hold you close again if he volunteered you and him to go?

“You and I can go then.” Seungmin’s voice broke whatever trance you and Jiseok were having. He was referring to him and Gunil. Jiseok feels a pang of disappointment resonate in him as he watches Gunil and Seungmin prepare to go out. 

As Gunil and Seungmin carefully ventured out the window the remaining five of you anxiously watched from the window. Breaths hitching with every step that they take. However when Jiseok takes a step back resulting in his back resting against your shoulder your breath hitches for a different reason. You should be shoving him away. Telling him to “Watch it!” Yet instead you say nothing, acting like you didn’t notice his sudden contact. 

Jiseok is also surprised when you remain silent. He was also expecting you to shove him away and shouting some comment. He briefly looks over his shoulder to try and gauge your reaction. Only to see that your eyes are trained outside of the window watching as Gunil and Seungmin make their way onto the roof. There’s no way you didn’t notice though, so how come you were acting like you didn’t? 

There’s no time for Jiseok to question you because soon enough you are making your second ascent up the makeshift curtain rope, this time climbing onto the roof. By the time you’re all settled on the roof the sun is beginning to make its way down to the horizon. Once more you are reminded of your p.e uniform feeling the temperature dropping. 

“Here,” Hyeongjun offers you his uniform jacket seeing how goosebumps prick your skin. 

“Thanks,” you tell him, slipping your arms into the sleeves. 

Jiseok eyes darken as he sees you in Hyeongjun’s jacket. Jealousy conjured up in his stomach once more. That should be his jacket you're wearing. He wants it to be his jacket that you’re wearing. A smile pricks at the corners of his lips at the thought of you in his clothes. 

“What really happened in the nurse’s office?” Seungmin’s voice pulls Jiseok back. 

“What do you mean? I told you what happened,” Jiseok responded. 

“Then why are you glaring at Hyeongjun and not y/n?” he prompted. 

“What? I’m not,” Jiseok denied. 

“Dude you look jealous,” Seungmin told him. Jiseok sighs he knows that he’s been caught. 

“Ok, I apologized to y/n about taking you from her and I also realized some…things,” Jiseok tells. Seungmin feels some guilt bubble in his stomach at the mention of your once friendship. He also regretted how your friendship with each other ended. 

“Some things?” he pressed. 

“I like her.” It’s the first time he’s said it outloud. It makes the feelings he has for you feel more real. “I think I might have liked her since the beginning, but man I really messed that up,” he admits. 

“What are you gonna do?” Seungmin questioned. 

“I don’t know,” Jiseok replied honestly. “I should probably talk to her, but…” His eyes fall to where you and Hyeongjun are sitting together. “I never know how to go about that.” 

The moon replaced the sun in the sky. The stars twinkling brightly above as if nothing in the world had changed. Gunil and Jungsu laid passed out together. Jooyeon made himself comfortable on partially broken desks. Seungmin was sleeping facing the ledge of a wall. Hyeongjun was snoozing away beside you. He’s curled up into a ball almost like a cat. Then hear a bit of a shaky breath from him. Taking a closer look at him you notice that he’s shivering. A frown falls upon your face. You take off his uniform jacket that he had given you and drape it over his cold frame. Almost instantly you see him relax, snuggling into the warm fabric.

Next thing you know you feel the weight of something landing on your lap. You see that it’s a uniform jacket. Looking up you see Jiseok standing there. 

“Are you trying to catch hypothermia?” he scolded you. 

“He was shivering,” you justified. 

“Like you wouldn’t be.” He was right. You knew it was only a matter of minutes before you would lose to the cold crisp night air.

“I know it’s contaminated by my germs, but it’s better than freezing.” He takes his jacket from your lap to properly drape it over your shoulders. You instantly feel the warmth of his jacket, his warmth transfer to you. 

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” you tell him, pulling his jacket tighter around you.

“I have something to tell you too,” he says. The two of you stand up and walk over to the edge of the roof. 

“What did you want to tell me?” he asked you. 

“I guess I’ve come to realize some things,” you started. Jiseok can feel his heart pick up, waiting for you to continue. “You said that before you knew what was happening I was gone. That I was laughing with Hyeongjun. I guess that that could be possible. I think I actually did leave you and Seungmin first,” you say. 

“No, you’re right. We were leaving you out, but I swear it wasn’t on purpose,” he promised you. “We really did just get caught up in doing guy things and by the time we realized that we were leaving you out, you were gone.” 

“I could have told you two how I felt though. That I felt left out, but instead I just pulled away because I was scared that if I talked to you guys you would say that you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore,” you untangled. 

“Why would we not want to be friends with you anymore?” Jiseok looked at you with confused and almost hurt eyes. 

“Cause you two looked so complete without me. I remember it was a day the two of you went to see a movie I had no interest in together. I guess you guys decided to stop for ice cream together afterwards. I happened to see that. I walked past the ice cream shop. I saw you both sitting at a table eating your ice creams and laughing. It seemed like you two didn’t miss me at all. No one would have guessed that there was a third friend who was missing. Just seemed like you guys didn’t need me,” you finally came clean after so many years, too many years. 

Jiseok recalls the day that you’re talking about and he can’t imagine the pain you must have felt. Seeing your two friends having fun without you. Like it didn’t even matter that you weren’t with them. Like they didn’t want you. 

“I’m so sorry y/n,” he apologized. He reaches out for your hands and you let him hold them. 

“It felt like you two were leaving me behind, so I figured I’d leave first instead of being abandoned.” Jiseok squeezes your hands. 

“We weren’t leaving you behind. Cause you know I have also realized some things,” he tells you. 

“What things?” you asked. 

“I approached you and Seungmin because I wanted to be closer to you. And I hate how close you and Hyeongjun are. I want to be a person you can’t imagine your life without. I want you to wear my clothes.” He lets go of one of your hands to briefly tug on the cuff of his jacket. “I’m jealous over how close you and Hyeongjun are.” He pauses for a second preparing for his next words. “I’m jealous because I like you,” he confessed. 

You can feel your heart rate pick up and for the first time in a while it’s not because of any zombies. It’s because of your own feelings, your feelings for Jiseok. 

“I hate that I don’t hate being so close to you,” you take a step closer to Jiseok. Moving your hands to hold his elbows. Jiseok feels his heart race. “I hate that I felt safe when you wrapped your arm around me in that storage cabinet.” You take another step closer to him. “I realized that the main reason why I hated you was to distract myself from the pain I felt over losing Seungmin to you. After you apologized my head felt like such a mess because I didn’t hate you anymore.” you state. 

“If you don’t hate me then?” he hesitantly asked, not wanting to get overly hopeful. You trail a hand up his chest to rest over his heart, feeling the way it beats against your palm. 

“I want to be close to you.” You don’t know what the future holds. You don’t know if you will survive this zombie apocalypse, yet as you feel his heartbeat you somehow feel like it’s all you need. That whatever happens you’ll be ok, as long as your hearts are beating. “I want to be with you.” 

~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~

The morning sun rises, lighting up the school rooftop you’ve seeked refuge in. 

“It must really be the end of the world,” Seungmin says as he, Gunil, Jungsu, Jooyeon and Hyeongjun stare at you and Jiseok sleeping together. You’re tucked into his side lying on his chest as he has his arm wrapped around you. 

“You know what they say love and hate are two sides of the same coin,” Jooyeon states. 

“Ok it really is the end of the world. Jooyeon is being psychological,” Hyeongjun chimed. 

“Hey! I can be very psychological. I just don’t get many opportunities to be,” Jooyeon firmly declared. 

~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~<3~

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[junhanism]

Emergency contact - Han Taesan

pairing. han taesan x gn!reader

genre. fluff, badboy!taesan ? (he gets into fights and reader treats his wounds), friends to lovers, tiny bit of angst?

warnings. just a TINY BIT of blood (obv), probably some typos and/or grammatical errors i wrote this at 1am

NOTE : inspired by the song ‘Emergency contact’ by PTV and this fic (hope its not too similar tho 😓)

wc. 1.7k

Your phone lit up with a small ‘ding’, tearing your attention away from your study cards you desperately needed a break from.

You touched the screen before it could go black again and checked what the notification was ; it was a text. Your eyes traveled up, checking the time : 23:57.

who would text you this late in the evening?

The contact name read ‘Taesan’.

of course, it could only be him and you knew exactly what the text was about without even having to read it.

Your fingers hurriedly swiped up and entered your passcode, opening the message app and landing on Taesan’s text : ‘can i come over ?’

You let out a sigh as you type a ‘everything’s ready’, getting up from your chair before you could even hit the send button.

After answering his text you let go of your phone and immediately made your way to your small bathroom, looking through your drawers for some bandaids and ointment that could sooth his bruises. You stored them all in the same drawer since this has become a daily occurrence now ; Taesan showing up at your door late at night, knuckles bruised and face tattooed with dried blood and hues of purple and blue.

You then went into the kitchen and took out a small bag of ice from your freezer that you bought especially for his late nights visits.

You made your way back into the living room just in time to hear faint knocks against your wooden door, indicating that he was here.

As you opened your door, your hands immediately made their way to his face, examining every centimeters of it.

He had two big cuts adorning his cheekbones just below his right eye and a bruise in the corner of his lips as well as a small cut on it. His usual confident and composed demeanor was replaced by exhaustion and noticeable pain as soon as he stepped inside your place.

It was always the same ; he tried his best not to let his facade crack and not show any sign of pain but you knew him better than anyone to know that he was hurting.

Your eyes fell on his bruised knuckles as you grabbed his wrist to pull him inside of your appartement, directing him to the living room.

You sat him down on your couch and without a word you stood in front of him and started dabbing a wet cloth on his cuts, getting rid of the dried blood around them. It was almost automatic now.

Taesan hissed slightly at the contact but let you do it nonetheless, he knew better than to stop you.

As you applied the ointment on his face Taesan searched for your eyes. The way you were silently treating his wounds was unusual and the silence felt almost suffocating to him.

You would usually scold him for getting into another fight, tell him how worried you got everytime, but this time you didn’t utter a single word. And that somehow stressed him out.

“Im sorry you have to do this so often” he spoke, cutting through the silence.

You momentarily stopped your movements, slightly taken aback by the sudden confession but kept on applying the creme on his skin.

“its okay,” you say as you hand him the ice pack “someone has to do it” you smiled, a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes and he didn’t fail to catch on that detail.

But Taesan was not convinced by your answer and you knew it.

He squinted his eyes at you as he pressed the ice against the bruise on his lip.

“Scold me”

“what ?” you ask, letting out confused chuckle as you carefully applied a bandaid on his cuts. A beat passed without him answering and you started to put away all the medical supplies but you could feel Taesan eyeing your every movement —which made you heart beat abnormally fast but you tried your best to not let it show.

You looked up at him and met his eyes that were already waiting for yours. They were filled with confusion and a hint of something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“You always scold me for getting into fights, why don’t you scold me tonight?” he asked, sounding almost offended by your behavior.

You let out a small laugh at that, taking a sit next to him and grabbing the ice pack from his hand. “Because no matter how many times i scold you it doesn’t stop you from getting into fights ‘san” you took a hold of his hand and pressed the ice against his red knuckles “i know it’s useless” you finished.

He didn’t answer, he knew you were right.

His eyes were fixated on your hand holding his and the way you carefully applied the ice on his bruises.

“Can i stay the night?” he looked at you

“Of course you can, Taesan”

You met his eyes and a soft smile made its way to his lips, gaze filled with something you would assume to be gratefulness “Thank you Y/n”

You gathered everything you used to treat him and went to the bathroom, putting the supplies back in their respective drawers.

As you made your way back to the room you found the boy sprawled out on your bed, making himself comfortable. You were not surprised given the amount of times this very situation happened in the past— this kind of evening happens at least once a week.

Taesan patted the space next to him, indicating you to join him on the bed. This action, as mundane as it was, never failed to wake the butterflies in your stomach, wondering if this is how dating Taesan would be like.

You turned off your desk lamp and climbed on the one-person-sized bed, squeezing yourself as best as you could to prevent falling off, but sharing your bed with him happened often and not once did you wake up on the floor as his hand would always coincidently find its way to your waist in the middle of the night.

You comfortably lied down next to him and silence took over, both of you starring at the dark ceiling, lost in thoughts

Just as your eyes started to close Taesan broke the silence ; “Thank you”

You turned your head in his direction, confused.

“You already thanked me Taesan” you chuckled

“No i didn’t,” he turned his head to you, meeting your eyes.

You faces were so close to one another your noses were almost touching “not for everything.”

Your breath hitched at the sudden closeness and you could just hope he didn’t hear it.

“what do you mean ?” you quietly ask

“You’ve been taking care of me for the past years but i never properly thanked you,” he started “and i feel sorry everytime. I know im disappointing and burdening you but i come back to your door every time”

“why though ?”

“I don’t know,” he turned his head back to ceiling, giving you a perfect view of his side profile. “you might or might not be my emergency contact” he licked his lips in slight embarrassment.

You were surprised by his statement. Why would he choose you out of everyone to be his emergency contact ? Aside from treating his wounds late at night you were not sure if you’ve ever been of much help in case of emergency.

“Me? Why?”

The boy turned his head back to you, looking at you as if the answer to that question was obvious.

He let out a sigh, realizing that he’ll have to explain himself more for you to get his point.

“I guess… i feel safe with you. I don’t feel ashamed or judged about getting into fights,” he said, gaze flickering down to your lips for just a millisecond before starting again “you’re the only person who’s ever been worried about me, everyone else just gave up, saying im hopeless”

You stayed silent at that, what were you supposed to say ? ‘The reason im so worried is because im so in love with you and this ever since the first time you came bloody, knocking on my door’ ?? That wouldn’t work.

Instead your hand traveled down to his, softly brushing against it, testing the waters.

Taesan got the message and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“You know,” he spoke after a while “i actually considered stopping, for you” he brought your intertwined hands to his lips, hovering them against the back of your hand.

“But then i realized that if i stopped i wouldn’t get to see you every nights” he planted a peck on your skin.

Your eyes widened — was it from his action or the truth he just spoke out, you were not sure but Taesan could see from your expression that the scolding he was waiting for was about to spill.

“Are you out of your mind ?” you loudly asked, a contrast from the previous, quiet conversation. “Getting into fights just to see me ? Putting your life on the line when you could just text to come over ? Taesan what if you would’ve gotten badly hurt ? Something i couldn’t treat ? Worse, what if y-“

You were so caught up in you rant that you failed to see the amused smile that took place on his face, failed to see the way his face got closer to yours, only realizing when his lips pressed softly against yours, shutting you up.

It took a few seconds for you to kiss him back, to realize that it was actually happening and that it wasn’t just another fantasy of yours.

He let go of your hand to hold your jaw gently, deepening the kiss.

After a while of your lips moving in sync, Taesan broke the kiss, keeping his face just far enough to look you in the eyes. A soft smile formed on his lips upon seeing the flustered look on your face— and he thanked god it was dark or else you would have seen the way his own face changed colors to a deep red.

“promise me that you’ll stop getting into fights”

“I’ll try” he teased

You gave him stern look to which he just chuckled.

“I promise. I have no reason to anymore”

You smiled at this and he leaned in to peck your lips, sealing the promise.

That night, his hand didn’t coincidentally land on your waist and the bed didn’t feel too small to fit two people anymore.

j𖤐y.

likes and reposts are appreciated !

[junhanism]

this is so good im gonna cry

Hi! I wanted to request a fic with Jooyeon loosly based on the song Apple Cider by Beabadoobee. Idk if that's okay, but the song is about having a crush on someone but are confused - somewhat in denial about it, yet they are realizing their feelings slowly. So maybe a friends to (possible?) lovers. Hopefully, that makes sense :")

-🔮

Hello! This was fun to write I hope that you enjoy it :)

Lee Jooyeon Summary: Jooyeon doesn’t even like you that much…or does he? (non-idol au) WC:657 Warning:none

a/n this is based on the song apple cider by beabadoobee they lyrics to the song are in italics

photo not mine credits to owner

Apple cider, that’s the main thing that you and Jooyeon have in common: liking apple cider. The two of you aren’t really even that close, so how come as midnight rolls around Jooyeon is staring at his phone hoping that you’ll call him. 

Cause it’s really  nice to talk to you. Jooyeon reasoned to himself. He wants you to call him because it’s nice talking to you. The sound of your voice is really soothing to him and your conversations always feel so relaxed. Even you two end up saying a lot of nothing. Jooyeon would still rather talk to you instead of going to bed. 

Eventually Jooyeon does fall asleep while waiting for you to make his phone ring. He wakes up in the morning next to his phone that remained silent throughout the night. A sigh deflates his lungs, but why does he feel disappointed that you didn’t call him? 

As Jooyeon gets ready for the day he throws on the gray jumper that you once complimented him on. His clothes could disappear from his closet and he wouldn’t even care because after you complimented him about his gray jumper it became the only top that he wanted to wear. 

“Jooyeon it’s so nice to see you again,” you smiled at him, pulling him to a hair. ‘Fruit punch’ Jooyeon thinks as he gets a whiff of your hair whilst you hug him. 

“Good to see you too,” he replies, arms hugging you back. They’re just a tad bit tighter than when he hugs anyone else. He ignores the way he feels his heart sink slightly as you pull away from the hug.

“I like your hair,” you tell him, appreciating the medium brown hair that adorned his head.

So go ahead and touch it. The words sat dangerously on the edge of Jooyeon’s tongue.

“Thank you,” he managed out instead.

 The two of you walk side by side as you stroll through the park. Jooyeon can feel your hand ghost against his every now and then. ‘It’d be really nice to hold your hand,’ he thought. At some point his thoughts changed to “It’s really nice to hold your hand.” He looks down at your hand linked with his. He’s not sure when it happened or how it happened. Maybe he couldn’t fight the urge anymore and slipped his hand into yours or maybe you grabbed his. Maybe you both grabbed each other’s hand at the same time.

‘And even if we’re just friends.’ Jooyeon thinks, admiring your side profile. The way the sun is lighting up your features. The stray hairs that dance in the gentle breeze. ‘We could be more than that.’

The smile takes over his face before he can do anything about it when your name lights up his phone at midnight. 

“Jooyeon hey,” you greeted him brightly. 

“Hey y/n.” The small remanence of his earlier smile still tugging at his lips.  

After a little while of talking Jooyeon began to say, “So I was thinking…” 

“Yeah?” you waited for him to continue. 

“I just wanted to ask you if it's alright to have a sleepover?” he checked. 

“Yes, that sounds so fun,” you agreed, causing Jooyeon’s heart to fill with warmth. 

“We can drink some apple cider,” he said. 

“Obviously you’re the only other person I know who’s obsessed with it,” you say. 

“Perfect,” he smiled brightly. ‘I don’t even like you that much’, so why were the butterflies throwing a celebration in his stomach at the thought of drinking apple cider with you. Both clad in your pajamas as the night dances by. ‘Wait, I do, fuck’ the realization hits him. 

“Well I’m excited for our sleepover, but I’m gonna go to bed now. Goodnight Jooyeon,” you say, snapping his attention back. 

“Me too, I’m excited to drink apple cider. Goodnight y/n.” And maybe we can talk about how we don't like each other that much.

taglist: @purplelady85 @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143 @seungseung-minmin @junhanism

comment or message me to be added!

[junhanism]

i need xdh moots 😞🙏

The xh community on here is so small that istg we all know and interact with each other 24/7 unintentionally 😭

@liverspaghett @joocomics @joohanisms @jooillusion @b1mbodoll @puppyluvfics

[junhanism]

─── jay ★ ๋࣭ · she / her .ᐟ

"I need somebody... " ๋࣭ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

requests and anon list are open! ───

"no, i only need you, come on ! " ๋࣭ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

@junhanism

masterlist rules requests

[junhanism]

Skincare and lotion - Han Taesan

.pairing : han taesan x reader

.genre : fluff, established relationship, reader taking care of tired taesan, tiny tiny bit of angst if you squint (mention of taesan shutting off when overwhelmed) but really its full fluff

.warnings : none

.wc : 712

From your bedroom you heard the front door open then close, the jingling sound of keys was soon replaced by pure silence.

You checked your phone ; you had received no text saying he was on his way nor did you hear the familiar, cheerful sound of his voice telling you that he was home. And just from that you knew it was one of those days.

So instead of getting up and greeting him at the door like you usually did, you stayed sat on your bed, giving him the space he needed.

You’ve known Taesan long enough to know how he handled these stressful days and the answer was simple : he didn’t.

He just shuts off from the world, including you, and try to deal with his problems alone. Even though you told him many times that you were there and that he could rely on you, he simply declined your offer, insisting that he could figure things out on his own.

You respected his choice and gave him space, only interfering when you deemed it necessary or when he’s been isolated for too long. And he was very grateful for that. As bad as he felt for putting you through this you always reassured him, telling him that it was not a daily occurrence and that you could put up with it.

The door to your bedroom creaked open and Taesan walked in, dropping his bag to the floor and simply sitting next to you on the bed.

You briefly took a look at him, analyzing the situation and taking note of his tired eyes and slow movements.

It was silent, only the typing of your keyboard resonated through the room. The boy next to you closed his eyes, basking in the warmth radiating from your arm against his and enjoying the well awaited silence after a long day.

A couple of minutes, maybe ten, passed in the comfortable silence that took place. With one last click you closed your laptop and set it aside, now getting up and walking over to your shared bathroom.

You came back to the room with a few bottles in hand and sat next to your tired boyfriend, who still had his eyes shut.

Grabbing the makeup remover, you poured a reasonable amount of it on a cotton pad before carefully swiping it across his face. Your hand reached for his hair, putting his bangs aside to get better access to his forehead.

The boy physically relaxed as you removed the leftover makeup on his skin.

« Wanna talk about it ? » you broke the silence, your voice soft and careful.

His eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times before finally locking with yours for the first time tonight. He just stared at you, giving you no answer but you didn’t push it, instead you sent him a soft, understanding smile as you grabbed the lotion, twisting the bottle cap and pouring some delicately on his face. As you gently patted his face Taesan observed your face, analyzing your features —which made you a little self conscious but you tried to remain calm— before blinking slowly at you, as if speaking through his eyes and searching for yours.

« Hm? » you asked, putting the bottle cap back on and putting the lotion aside

« Thank you » he spoke, his first words since he got home

« Of course, Taesan » you smiled

He simply looked at you, eyes filled with so much love and admiration, like you hung all the stars in the sky.

« I mean it » his voice was barely above a whisper but you were able to catch it

« I know you do » you placed a small kiss on the top of his nose which caused a smile to form on his once pouty lips.

You went back to the bathroom and quickly discarded all the skincare items before joining Taesan in bed, who was waiting for you with open arms.

Sliding in his embrace you made yourself comfortable as he readjusted the covers around your bodies.

Placing a loving kiss on the top of your head, Taesan then whispers a small “good night” before letting his tired eyes close, falling into dreamland.

[junhanism]

Still care - Han Taesan

.pairing : Han Taesan x reader

.genre : fluff, exes to ??, taesan reaches out to reader after 2 months, kinda rushed, she/her used, mention of Sungho, no angst dw, happy ending ig

.warnings : none ?, mention of stressed and being burned out from studying, also skipping meals

.wc : 1.3k

Taesan observed your figure from across the room watching as your eyebrows scrunched in concentration but also taking notice of the constant tapping of your foot against the floor and the way your bottom lip was tucked between your teeth ; you were clearly stressed, burned out even.

But taesan couldn’t do anything about it, not anymore.

He could only watch from afar, hoping that you would take a break by yourself even though, deep down, he knew you wouldn’t.

« you still care, don’t you? » a voice snapped him back to reality

« what? » he absentmindedly answered shifting his gaze from your figure to the owner of the voice ; Sungho.

« You still care » the eldest carefully repeated.

Now Taesan was confused « About what ? »

« Y/n, » he motioned his head in your direction « you still care about her »

Taesan simply looked at his friend’s face for a few seconds, silent, before moving his gaze back to you. Your head was now buried in your arms and you were seemingly taking a nap.

He was relieved at the sight of you finally taking a break after what seemed to be a couple of hours, but then Sungho’s question dawned on him.

“you still care, don’t you?”

« Do I ? » he asked himself out loud.

He knew he still did but after what happened it was hard for him to sort everything out.

He missed you, he wanted to go back to you and hold you in his arms but he also respected the fact that you didn’t want any of that.

He would never do something you didn’t want. And that’s why for the past 2 months, ever since your mutual break up, Taesan has been fighting the urge to run up to you and hug you, beg for you to come back to him.

If you wanted to keep your distance then that’s what Taesan was gonna do, cause that’s what you wanted.

« Have you spoken to her ? Recently, i mean » Sungho asked

« No i haven’t »

The boy was slightly shocked by the youngest’s answer. He expected you guys to stay friends as you ended things on a good note

« Why ? »

« She doesn’t want to talk to me.. i guess » he whispered the last part

« Did she tell you that ? » Sungho asked, already knowing the answer to that.

Taesan simply stayed silent looking down at his lap, fingers playing with the matching ring he still wore.

Sungho had a point, you never actually said you wanted to keep your distance, he just assumed you did.

« Right, » Sungho started, catching the boy’s attention once more « so why don’t you go talk to her ? »

Taesan snapped his head up at his friend’s suggestion, already feeling the nerve wrecking feeling dawning on him. « Right now ? No way. She probably doesn’t want to see me-»

Sungho stopped his ramble before he could go any further

« To me, it looks like she needs comfort right now, » he looked in your direction— you were gripping your hair, letting yet another sigh out of your mouth. You looked like you would lose it any moment now. « and you’re the only one who could give her comfort, Taesan. »

Taesan sighed, following Sungho’s eyes and analyzing your stressed figure.

You sure looked like you needed some comfort but did you need it from him ? Surely he was the last person you wanted to see right now, right ?

His racing mind was quickly interrupted by a hand landing on his shoulder

« Go » the older encouraged, patting his shoulder.

Taesan pondered for a minute. He could not just go and sit next to you that would be ridiculous. He had to find something— anything to talk to you.

He looked at you once more before making up his mind and walking to the vending machine at the corner of the study room.

He knew how you were when finals were approaching ; you spent so much time studying that you lost track of time and ended up skipping meals, feeling stressed and tired.

He felt like he had to do something, even just making sure you took a five minutes break, anything.

He pressed the number on the machine and inserted a coin resulting in a small strawberry milk carton dropping into the tray.

As he grabbed it, Taesan felt his heartbeat getting faster in anticipation.

What if you reject him ? What if you just straight up ignore him ?

He exhaled a shaky breath and made his way over to your table.

Papers and books were messily scattered all over the table, your hand supporting your head and your glasses were slowly falling off of your nose as you had your head buried in one of your many textbooks.

You were so engrossed in your work that you didn’t notice the man pulling up a chair and sitting right in front you.

A small thud stole your attention, looking up to see a pink and white strawberry milk carton being set down on the table.

Your tired eyes trailed up to the man in front of you and that’s when you froze.

Han Taesan was right before your eyes and for a second you thought the lack of sleep was making you see things but before you could say anything he beat you to it.

« You’ve been skipping meals, am i wrong ? » he said, taking the carton and opening it before handing it to you

« Your favorite » he smiled shyly.

Stunned would be an understatement to describe how you were feeling but you tried to maintain your composure, muttering a small “thanks” as you took the milk from his hand.

« I know im probably the last person you wanna hear that from but you really should take a break from studying so much »

You eyed him suspiciously as you took a sip of the strawberry flavored milk, waiting for him to continue.

The boy sighed at your lack of reaction, seemingly realizing that he’ll have to explain himself.

« I still care, » he started « about you and your health.. i mean, i know how you get when you’re stressed so i was making sure you were doing okay. You know… as friends »

You let a small smile spread on your face upon hearing those words

« You still care? » you asked softly

« I do » he was looking everywhere but your eyes

« And here i thought you didn’t wanna hear from me » you chuckled to yourself

« What ? » his wide, shocked eyes met yours for the first time « What do you mean? »

« I don’t know.. i just assumed you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore »

His head dropped as a laugh erupted from him and you were not sure how to interpret it, really.

« That’s crazy, » a hand came up to rub his face in frustration as his laughter died down.

Now you remember, it was his embarrassed laugh.

« I thought you didn’t want to hear from me » he said, empathizing the “I”

« What- Why ? »

« I don’t know, i just assumed you did » he looked at you with tender eyes as it was now your turn to laugh.

« I missed that »

« Missed what? »

He rested his head on his palm, looking at you with that soft smile you fell in love with « that laugh of yours »

A small, comfortable silence took place as you both just looked at each other, rediscovering one another after 2 months apart.

« Taesan » you called out

« Hm? »

Your hand reach for his across the table, intertwining your fingers together just like muscle memory.

You take notice of the ring still adorning his finger even after your break up and you smile, looking at your left hand also wearing the ring.

Taesan notices it too and his smile grows wider, squeezing your hand affectionately.

« I still care too »

[junhanism]

Always - Leehan

.pairing : Kim Leehan x reader

.++ : bestfriend!leehan comforting reader who’s going through a somewhat depressive episode (depression is not specifically mentioned but reader is clearly going through something), mention of his real name, lowkey angst with a happy (?) ending, crying, proofread once

.warnings : mentions of “wanting to leave”, sensitive topics, hints to depression but could be interpreted however you want it to, hints to su!c!dal thoughts (not directly mentioned), maybe grammar i wrote this at 1am (let me know if i missed anything!!)

.wc : 840

head resting against the cold floor as tears streamed down your face continuously, head throbbing and breath ragged you almost didn’t hear the voice calling out your name from the other side of the door. Through blurry, teary eyes, you could see the door to your bedroom opening, feet approaching your trembling body on the floor, knees dropping next to your figure before a hand softly landed on your shoulder.

« Y/n » the buzzing in your ear finally stopped and you immediately recognized the owner of the voice. Looking up, your bloodshot eyes met with the worried ones of your best friend, Kim Donghyun.

His body repositioned properly on the ground before his hands lifted your head up and laid it on his lap as carefully as possible, making sure you were resting comfortably.

« It’s going to be okay » he said as his hand traced shapes on your back in an attempt to sooth you.

« No it’s not, » you managed to whisper loud enough for him to hear « it’s never going to be »

« I promise it will. Take a breath for me »

« I’m so tired Leehan » you shakily exhale « i don’t think i can take it anymore » your voice was hoarse, deprived of all emotions.

It was not his first time seeing you in this state nor was it the first time you spoke those words but this time it felt different, as if you were really at your limits and the fear of losing you was taking over his system.

« You’re strong Y/n » he quietly but sincerely spoke, a hand making its way to your hair. « Don’t let the voices win, you’re stronger than they are »

« But they’re right » you croaked out

« No they’re not »

« Leehan im so sorry »

His heart dropped. What were these words supposed to mean at this very moment ? What were you sorry for ? What were you planning to do ?

He knew better than to let his panic through so he asked you softly ; « sorry for what ? »

« For all these years, » you started, fresh tears coming out of your eyes once again « im sorry you have to do this,» you sniffled « im destroying you just like everyone else »

« Y/n no » his voice came out soft despite his tone being firm. He will not let you think such thoughts. « I do this because i care about you. I want you to get better and i know you can. I know its hard right now but you need to hold on a little longer, please »

You stayed silent. Did you really have the strength to hold on a little longer ? You did not have anything to fight for anymore. The only good thing in your life was Donghyun but your mind kept telling you that his life would be so much better without you in it. You were just a burden.

Your lack of response increased his panic tenfold.

« Y/n please » he almost begged.

He knew exactly what you were thinking in this moment. « please you have to fight, for me »

More tears made their way down your face. You didn’t know what to think anymore. You loved him, you really did, but you couldn’t ignore the fact that you were destroying him along with yourself. You hate to think about the constant pressure he must feel to keep you happy, the way he has to handle you carefully or else you would break, how you always end up in this very situation, crying in his arms telling him how much you want to leave.

« Y/n i need you with me, if you leave i wouldn’t forgive myself. I know how hard it is for you right now but please stay for me. I swear better days will come. »

« Im destroying you Leehan. » you insisted

« No you’re not. I chose to stay. I’ll show you that life is worth living as long as im by your side, please. »

You sighed, a sigh filled with exhaustion but also confusion. What should you do ? Should you give life yet another chance ? Should you let him show you ?

You took a deep breath in, focusing on the way his hands were brushing through your hair. Leehan was truly the only one able to ground you during those episodes of yours, his presence alone calmed you down.

« Will you stay ? » you asked

« Always, » he sighed in relief at your answer « I stayed all these years i am not going to leave, i promised you »

« Thank you for everything » these were the last words you spoke before the exhaustion took over and your mind drifted to a place of rare peacefulness, one you could only reach when Leehan was around.

✿ᴄʜᴇʀʀʏʜᴀᴋ

[junhanism]

The lack of xdinary heroes fic's is absolutely criminal... 😔😮‍💨

[junhanism]

YOUR TOUCH

Pairing. Lee Heeseung X reader

Genre. Fluff - situationship - best friends to lovers

Warnings. Mention of alcohol but no one’s rlly drinking

WC. 1.6k (1661)

Note : HEAVILY inspired by this fic (go read it i swear you won’t regret it). Also i haven’t posted since december omg 😭😭 this has been rotting in my notes for sooo long and i finally decided to finish it. Enjoy x

With his face buried in the crook of your neck and your hands tangled in his hair, you couldn’t help but let your mind travel back to the previous events that took place a few hours ago.

It wasn’t unusual for Heeseung to hold you close to him in the late hours of the day nor was it odd for him to bury his face in your neck the way he currently was but what was odd was him holding you like this in front of other people.

After your six long years of friendship, Heeseung and you both came to an agreement that would benefit the both of you.

You clearly were touch starved and so was he.

So naturally Heeseung, being the good friend he was, came up with the idea of you holding one another.

It did sound kind of weird at first but after giving it a second thought you found it to be a good idea.

I mean, two friends hugging each other, where’s the hurt in that ?

You decided to keep this side of your friendship behind closed doors in order to not raise any suspicions or judgment from your other friends.

Heeseung would cling onto you while you were cooking or lay on your lap when having a movie night together.

You would run your fingers through his hair as his would run along your arms when you both cuddled. It felt nice to have someone to hold close to you despite not being in a relationship.

Nothing has changed between you two, your dynamic was still the same it has been for the past 6 years of knowing each other. The only change being ; you would cuddle daily.

You would sleep together, tightly holding one another, without overstepping any boundaries.

You made it clear that this agreement was only up until one of you found a partner that would feed your needs but this has been going on for the past 9 months now. Not that you complained at all, but during those nine months you might or might not have developed some stronger feelings for the man...

“Stronger” as in not just friendly, platonic love.

You tried to burry those feelings as you knew well that he could never return them and that it would be foolish of you to think he ever would.

It didn’t seem like he put much thought about this situation-ship you two were in.

But it felt as if the more you tried to push these feelings away, the stronger they got.

You decided to just enjoy it while it lasted because you knew this would one day come to an end as you were sure he didn’t see you as more than a best friend.

Or you were almost sure.

Because when you pushed open the door of the fancy house in which was thrown a party you were not invited to, your eyes instinctively scanned through the sea of people, looking for the one and only Lee Heeseung.

It wasn’t too hard to find him given the fact that he was taller than most people here.

You locked eyes with him and his face lit up upon seeing that you actually came to the party you said you wouldn’t attend (you gave in to his endless whining about how “it would be so boring without you there”).

You made your way through the crowd as best as you could, trying to reach your small group of friends.

Heeseung extended a hand in your direction which you strongly grasped, helping you out of the crowd and smoothly pulling you to his side.

“You came” he smiled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders swiftly.

You didn’t think much about the action, the way his arm nonchalantly hung around you just made it seem like two close friends standing next to each other. And everybody here knew the two of you have been best friends for a while now.

The evening went on smoothly, as smooth as Heeseung’s unoccupied hand was when it made it’s way to your waist, lightly caressing your exposed skin.

As smooth as his arm, that was originally slung over your shoulders, caged your front and brought your body closer to his.

You shot him a confused glare only to find him already looking down at you with a small smile on his lips. He simply shrugged at your confused face and tugged you in closer to his chest, resting his head on top of yours and leaving you even more baffled at his rather out-of-character behaviour.

A few of your friends sent you questioning looks to which you replied back with obvious confusion written in your eyes, signalling them that you also had no idea of what was currently going on.

And you weren’t lying— you really didn’t know why he was acting this way in front of so many people. This was something he would do when he came over and you were both in the comfort of your small apartment with no one watching.

When did he get this bold ?

Why was he getting so close to you when everyone could see ?

Both of his arms were now wrapped around your shoulders as he correctly rearranged his head over yours, fully back hugging you.

He started to rock your bodies from left to right slowly in a comforting way.

You looked like a literal couple and it obviously didn’t go unnoticed by your friends.

“Hold on are you guys a thing ?” One of your friends, Jake, cautiously asked, eyebrow raised in curiosity.

Your eyes widened for a millisecond and you gulped in slight panic.

Trying your best to seem unfazed by the sudden but not unexpected question, you were about to answer when you felt Heeseung stop his motion and beat you to it.

“No we’re not”

Oh wow, why did this kinda hurt ?

A part of you somehow hoped he would have had a different answer, that he would’ve pretended you guys were a thing.

But what’s worse between denying and pretending ?

Jake was quick to catch on to the disappointment that flashed through your eyes and chuckled to himself before looking back to Heeseung.

“Then you wouldn’t mind of if i asked her out, right ?”

Your eyes almost popped out of their sockets as you looked at Jake in shock but the boy shot you a reassuring glance telling you to not worry. He was actually helping you out.

This man is truly an angel, isn’t he ?

Heeseung’s hold grew tighter around your shoulders, holding you as if you could run away at any moment.

“In your dreams Sim Jaeyun”

And when you thought your heart couldn’t beat any faster…

The obvious possessiveness lacing his voice caused your friends to shout all kind of things, all along the lines of “you two being in a secret relationship and hiding it from them this whole time” and “Heeseung being jealous”

And this only fed your delusions and your growing feelings for the boy currently holding you.

Was he really jealous ? It could be the alcohol though…

Your eyes traveled to the red cup discarded on the counter and you could clearly see that the liquid inside it didn’t down one bit ever since you arrived.

So this couldn’t be it..

Was he putting on a show for the others ?

I mean, why would he do this ?

So many questions ran through your mind and in a blink of an eye Heeseung and you found yourselves on your way (to your) home and on your sofa with his head ,as said before, buried in the crook of your neck and your hands tangled in his hair.

The questions did not stop though. Your mind kept replaying the way his arms tightened around you when Jake asked if he could take you out.

He could easily lie about not liking you but you were smart enough to not miss his body language. But then again you maybe overthought this whole thing and he could just be messing with you.

You decided that the only way to find answers to your questions was to ask him directly.

So without thinking twice you blurted out his name, breaking the comforting silence that surrounded you.

The boy simply hummed in your neck, indicating that he was listening to whatever you had to say.

“Do you like me ?”

Heeseung lifted his head from the comfortable spot between your neck and your shoulder, looking up at you with a somewhat deadpan expression on his face.

“What do you think ?”

Huh.

You furrowed your eyebrows at his answer. That was definitely not what you expected.

Heeseung lightly chuckled at your confused expression before answering. “You’re either really stupid or you’re doing it on purpose”

You stayed silent at that -rather, you’ve been silenced- which earned another laugh from the boy.

“Why do you think i proposed this whole arrangement nine months ago, hm ?”

When you didn’t answer he leaned his face closer and closer to yours until your lips were only a few inches apart, brushing against each other.

“Maybe i should show you then” he whispered before connecting your lips together in a tender kiss that you, obviously, returned.

The kiss didn’t last long but enough to speak both of your feelings without a word.

“Does it answer your question ?” He asked, bumping his nose into yours cutely.

You too decided to answer by connecting your lips once again in a longer and more passionate kiss this time, spilling the unspoken longing and hidden feelings into it.

You both pulled apart after some time due to the lack of oxygen.

Heeseung pecked your lips one last time, then your chin before locking eyes with you, smiling tenderly.

“I was not just touch starved, i was starved of your touch”

[junhanism]

彡 Red sweater - Park Gunwook

Pairing. Park Gunwook X reader

Genre. Fluff | classmates to lovers ig

Warnings. None

Wc. 1616

You opened your eyes with difficulty as you contemplated the idea of going back to sleep. A part of you wanted to ditch today because it was the last day of school before Christmas holidays but the other part of you also wanted to go because it was the last day...

A simple 'ding' coming from your phone resonated in your room and you had no choice but to stop this fight against sleep.

You took a look at the screen with drowsy eyes only to find a text from your best friend saying 'i hope you're coming today and not ditching bc its the last day

This made you smile internally and you finally decided to get up from your bed after wasting almost 10 minutes between sleepness and awakeness.

˚₊‧ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Breakfast was the last thing in your mind as you hurriedly left your house and made a run to the bus stop. If only you got up from bed immediately after your alarm rang...

You made it to the stop just in time as the bus just arrived and you mentally thanked the universe for not ruining this friday (which is often the worse day of your week along with monday)

You let out a sigh and took a sit in the first empty seat you could find. Thankfully no one decided to sit next to you today.

Putting on your headphones you let your mind wander along the music but a weird feeling engulfed you. It felt like you had forgotten something...

You quickly checked your bag to verify if you forgot your pencil case, notebook or lunch but no, everything seemed fine.

Except eating breakfast what could you possibly forget? You had no idea and just decided to shrug it off as one of those random feelings you can't explain.

After a good 20 minutes ride you arrived at your high-school and walked through the gate, looking for your best friend.

"Y/n!" Your head snapped to the other side and you finally saw her, leaning against the wall and waving at you.

As you walked closer to her you could see her eyeing you weirdly. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion "What?"

She stifled a laugh "Nothing" she answered with the fakest and most sarcastic smile you've ever seen on her which made you roll your eyes.

"Whatever. We have an hour before classes start, what do you want to do ?"

"Let's go to the library, i didn't do my science homework !" She dramatically said as she grasped your wrist and started to drag you along with her.

As you both are making your way to the library, you hear your name being called from behind you. You stop in your tracks, recognizing the owner of the voice. You turn around, trying your best to keep your composure. Before you was none other than your classmate but also longtime crush, Park Gunwook and his dear friend Kim Gyuvin.

They were both dressed in red

Wait.

You look between them and your laughing bestfriend who was also wearing a red top and that's when it hit you.

Today is the last day before Christmas holidays and your whole class agreed on wearing something red, except you didn't.

That's what you forgot this morning.

Your eyes widened as everything started to make sense

"Why didn't you show up in red Y/n ? Don't you have anything red ? Not even a lipstick??" Gyuvin whined half-jokingly, half-annoyed.

Your lips formed an awkward smile at his whining

"I completely forgot it was today ! I knew i was forgetting something this morning..."

you tried your best to justify yourself but the pout on Gyuvin's face only became more prominent as you spoke.

You looked at Gunwook who still hasn't said anything about your choice of outfit (which was literally a white pair of jeans and a black sweater, nothing close to red even in the slightest)

"Am I the only who forgot in the class ?" You asked panicked at the idea of being the one to mess this whole thing up.

Gyuvin simply nodded at your question which caused your eyes to almost jump out of their sockets.

You turned to your bestfriend and grabbed her shoulders. "You have to have something red you can give me for the day. A red ribbon or something!"

The amused look that was resting on her face from the situation quickly vanished away as she looked into your desperate eyes and realized that she didn't have a solution to your problem

You immediately understood her expression

"No.. you better be kidding me ! You always have spare clothes with you and the only time i need it, you don't ?!" You dramatically ask, hoping that she was just messing with you.

"I swear i d-"

"Y/n"

Ah yes, you almost forgot that the pair was still here watching you desperately shake your friend's shoulders.

You looked back to Gunwook, mentally cursing yourself for making a scene in front of him.

"I can give you my hoodie if you want"

"Huh" that was not supposed to be said out loud... "I mean ! You won't be fitting the theme anymore, i don't want-"

"It's okay I have a red shirt underneath it" he smiled

Fuck, you need to find something else to decline.

"But you'll be cold-"

You cut yourself as he started to take off his hoodie as if you didn't just reject his offer and that's when you realize that you can't do anything to change Park Gunwook's mind, the most stubborn man you've ever known.

He quickly put his messy hair back to it's original styled way before handing you his hoodie which you obviously refused again.

"No no its fine Gunwook i don't need it plus you'll get cold-"

"Don't worry about me" he grabbed your arm and hung the hoodie on it, fully aware that you wouldn't accept it if he didn't take action.

"Uh- Are you sure ??"

"Absolutely" he nodded, giving you the sweetest smile

"Well..Thank you"

He sent you another smile in response before your bestfriend hurried you to go to the library for her science homework.

You both bid farewell to the other two before parting ways

"And you better wear it Y/n ! Don't ruin the class spirit !" Gyuvin yelled and you could hear Gunwook hushing him with a "that's enough" which made you laugh.

Today is not that bad after all.

˚₊‧ ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The last bell rang signaling the end of school but also the beginning of holidays.

Today was... something.

Yes Gunwook gave you his sweater (which means you spent the whole day with his scent lingering on you) but this action had consequences : girls.

Did I mention how Gunwook is extremely good looking and charming and, well, extremely popular among girls ?

Well you wearing his sweater made a lot of noise. Some girls were envious, other jealous and of course a lot of people thought you guys were dating.

Needless to say you were flustered the whole day, mostly when Gunwook sent you all-knowing looks and small smiles from time to time.

You were happy but you also felt sorry for Gunwook. I mean, you don't think that his name being associated to yours would be a good thing for his reputation...

You walked around the school, frantically looking for Gunwook but you couldn't find him anywhere. Did he leave already ? How were you supposed to give him back his hoodie ?

In the distance you spotted one of his friends, a mutual friend, and thought he might know where Gunwook is.

"Ricky !"

"Y/n, Hi!" He warmly smiled

"Hi um do you perhaps know where Gunwook is ? Did he leave already ?"

Ricky smirked at your question and you know he was up to something mischievous

"Why are you looking for him?" He asked, his smirk expending

You deadpaned and showed him the hoodie you were wearing

"I just need to give this back to him, so do you know where he is ?"

He let out a laugh before going back to his serious self, "When i saw him, he told me he needed to check his locker"

You sighed in relief "Thank you Ricky, have a merry Christmas !" And you left before even hearing his answer.

You made your way to the locker area, by now the school was almost empty so you really wished he was still here.

As if the heavens heard your prayers, you saw him standing by his locker.

"Thank god" you sighed out

You quickened your pace until you reached him, startling him in the process

"Gosh Y/n you scared me" he laughed, his hand flying to his heart as a response to fear.

"Sorry" you laughed

You started to take off his hoodie, something you should have done at least 15 minutes ago but you honestly didn't want to take it off.

A hand reached to pull it back down and you looked at him confused

"Keep it"

"What?" You let out

"I said keep it"

"What why ? Have you not heard all these rumors spreading around-"

"But i kinda like the way they sound"

If it was possible your jaw would literally be on the floor right now.

What is going on?

Gunwook only smirked at your reaction

"What do you mean?" You tried your best to sound normal but the blush on your cheeks betrayed you

He messed your hair and laughed

"I'm taking you out on a date soon, let's make the rumors become reality" and with that he walked away and left you standing there, processing everything that just happened in a span of three minutes.

And it all started with a red sweater.

✿ᴄʜᴇʀʀʏʜᴀᴋ

[junhanism]

彡By your side - Jacob Bae

Pairing. Jacob Bae x gn!reader

Genre. Fluff | Comfort | bf!Jacob | established relationship

Warnings. None ?, not really detailed

Note. Wrote this on my first day of high-school cuz it was horrible and i wish i had someone taking care of me like this :(

Wc. 809

Today was one horrible day.

It was your first day at job and it felt as if from the moment you woke up to the moment you walked through the door of your apartment, everything went wrong.

Like, every little things as if the world was against you that day.

And you were frustrated, really frustrated.

But you didn't want to experience a second mental breakdown (because yes, you had one as soon as you left the building).

You knew Jacob would immediately notice your bloodshot eyes and rosy nose if you cried again. And the last thing you wanted was to worry him so you tried your best to keep it in, blinking your tears away as you put down your handbag and send a weak smile in his direction. It was not a genuine one and you knew your boyfriend knew it, but this will do for now.

Without a single word, you headed straight to the shower which was really odd coming from you. Usually, you would sit down and hug Jacob for a good 10 minutes while talking about your day but today was different and he definitely felt the frustration radiating off of you.

After almost an (much needed) hour, you came out and plopped down on the couch next to him. Not saying a word you just stared into space. Like said before, you didn't want to worry him knowing that he himself had a lot going on with the boys preparing for their comeback.

Jacob debated for a minute on whether to talk to you or not ; he didn't want to annoy you or force you to tell him what was wrong but he also didn't want to sit there seeing you all sad and tired and do nothing.

He decided to wait until you felt ready to rant to him.

Hower as the minutes passed and you still hadn't spoken a word, he grew more and more worried

"Is everything alright ?"

You suddenly snapped out of your thoughts, the sudden voice causing you to flinch a little.

You didn't know how long you were out of it honestly so you spat out a blatant lie,

"Hm ? Yeah everything's fine"

It sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself rather than him and it didn't escape his ears.

You felt his warm hand lay on top of yours and you looked up at him only to find him already looking at you

"You can always talk to me you know?" He said in such a honey-like voice, it had your heart melting

You let out a long frustrated sigh, throwing your head back on the couch. Your eyes shifted to his figure for a second then back to the ceiling.

"I'm just.." You started, trying to find the right words to explain the situation you were in.

"Take your time, love" he rubbed your arm encouragingly

"Today was just.. you know, awful. It felt as if everyone was judging me and all eyes were on me. My boss is horrible and treats me like im just a meaningless newbie, its so frustrating. It makes me feel like im not enough and it stresses me out. I can't even socialize ! I tried to befriend a few of my coworkers but they straight judged me because 'who would want to be friends with the newbie' " you scoffed as you recall your co-worker's words

"Everything was just so wrong like i couldn't do anything right !"

Jacob quietly listened to your rambling, it barely even made sense anymore but he kept quiet until you finished.

"I think you did amazing today sweetheart. You should feel proud of just going through this day at all, some people would have left in the middle of the day but you decided to stay until the end and its amazing. Im proud of you and those coworkers of yours it's their loss, they'll never know how incredible you are but they don't deserve you. Think of it, it was just the first day so it's totally normal to feel pressured in a new environment, just wait until you get used to your surroundings and the rythm of it."

He engulfed you in his comforting embrace, resting your head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around your body, tracing shapes of hearts on the small of your back.

"I'm proud of you my love" he whispered against your ear

And that's what it took for the tears to, once again, escape your eyes.

"It's okay, let it all out" he mumbled as he gently rubbed the back of your head, lips pressed to your crown

Planting kisses to the crown of your head, his hand burried in your hair, he held you close for as long as you needed it, assuring you that he'll always be by your side.

✿ᴄʜᴇʀʀʏʜᴀᴋ

[junhanism]

彡November night - Choi Yeonjun

Pairing. Choi Yeonjun x gn!reader

Genre. Fluff | bsf!yeonjun | bestfriends to lovers | mutual flirting | confession

Warnings. Yeonjun smokes (don't smoke it destroys your health !!), mention on cheating, barely proofread

Wc. 1164

You pushed open the cold gate with your hands half covered with your gray hoodie in an attempt to warm them from the windy cold night.

The loud creaking sound of the portal resonating in the dead of night alarmed the man standing in the distance under a flickering street light.

He turned in your direction, the smoke evacuating his mouth from both the cold and the cigarette he was smoking was enough for you to know who it was.

You silently walked through the gates and made your way to him, standing against the pole of the street lamp next to his freezing yet warm body.

 

"It's been a while, how are you doing ?" Your bestfriend asked, huffing out the smoke from his cigarette 

 

It has indeed being a while, both too caught up in your own lives you almost forgot about each other's existence and haven't talked to one another in almost 2 months. You missed him and your daily late night conversations over the phone, his laughter, his silly dad jokes, his smile and the comfort he would bring you by just being around. 

You obviously didn't want to lose your bestfriend this easily so one random morning you decided to text him and asked if you both could meet up someday to which he immediately agreed on.

He missed you just as much as you did but he was never going to admit it.

 

So here you were, standing next to Yeonjun during a cold November night. Despite the creepy atmosphere coming from the flickering light above you and the sound of air violently hitting against the tall trees, it felt as if you truly belonged there, with your bestfriend. 

 

"I'm doing fine" your voice was quiet yet loud enough for him to hear

"Glad to hear that" he takes a deep puff of his cigarette "You're still with that boy ?" He asked, finally locking eyes with you and it felt as if the time stopped for a second.

You gulped, looking away before answering "Nope"

His eyebrows almost flew to his hairline in shock before putting back on his composed facade "What ? Why ?" 

"He cheated"

"Damn" he exhaled

An awkward silence took place in between the both of you "You alright ?"

You let out a small chuckle at his clumsy attempt at breaking the ice "Yes I am. I lost feelings for him a while ago to be honest..."

He cocked an eyebrow at you in surprise "You did ?" "Yeah"

 

He took another puff before throwing his half-burnt cigarette on the ground and stepping on it.

"So.." He stuffed his hands in his pocket jeans and leaned against the side of the pole "Got someone in mind ?"

"Maybe yeah" you try your best to contain your smile when seeing his lips drawing into a smirk "Oh yeah ?" His eyebrows raise in a way that makes you wanna dig your own grave and be burried alive for the rest of your days "How is he ?"

Its now your turn to smirk despite the unusual rythm of your heartbeat "Calm.. Kind of a bastard but i love him" your smirk grow wider "Acts cold to everyone but me"

And with this one phrase you knew he got it.

 

"Ah, I get what you mean" he chuckles lightly "So he's basically just like me, isn't he ?"

"Kinda yeah" you gather enough courage to look at him only to find him already looking at you with a cocky grin on his beautiful features and it makes you want to slap him and kiss him a the same time.

"What if I told you..." He trails off "that i also like someone ?"

"Oh yeah ?" You mimic his earlier response "How is she ?"

"Mhh.." His eyebrows meets as his eyes squint, lips forming a playful pout, acting like he was thinking deeply

"She's nice... outgoing, she's actually everything to me, i don't think I would be where i am right now without her" 

Your heart skipped two beats at his confession. Blush rushed to your face, dusting your cheeks and ears in a deep cherry tint.

He smirked at your expression, resisiting the urge to pinch your cheek because of how cute you looked at that moment.

 

Suddenly his teasing expression crumbled down and you could hear him take in a deep breath before speaking

"Y/n i really like you, i have for quite some time now but i never told you cause you were dating that jerk..."

You couldn't control the small laugher that escaped your lips ; a laughter of both happiness, relief but also the stress you've been holding in ever since coming here.

"I think you already got it but... me too" you looked down, sudden embarrassment getting to you.

 

His hand reached out to lay against the side of your face, cold fingers gently grazing against your cheek "So you won't say no if do this ?" He leaned forward until your lips were only inches away from each other. His strong gaze looking at you straight in the eyes, hot breath fanning over your parted lips, he raised his eyebrows asking for your approval. 

"Go ahead" your voice was barely above a whisper but Yeonjun sure heard it and gently pressed his plumped lips against your soft ones.

His free hand travel to the small of your back, pulling you in even closer as one of your hands reached your his neck, the other one burried in his black dyed hair.

His lips left yours for a few seconds as he spoke "i want you to know..." he went back to kiss you, lips moving in sync as you both shared a passionate kiss. "You are really special to me" he whispered "I love being around you, i love every single thing about you"

His lips find yours again but this time for a more intense kiss, filled with longing, love, burning passion and a sense of relief.

 

"Damn i missed you so bad" he breathed out before going back to abusing your lips

 

After a few more shared kisses Yeonjun pulled away, a light blush covering his nose and cheeks and if you weren't in this situation right now you would've assumed it was from the cold.

He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ears, looking at you with lovesick eyes

"Will you be mine Y/n?" 

You pretended to think just to mess with him a little but a chuckle immediately bubbled up your throat upon seeing panic flash on his face.

"Of course i will dummy" you laughed as he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"If you're my girlfriend now... may i kiss you again ?"

"I guess so.." You playfully answered

He slowly smiled before kissing you again, pulling you impossibly closer to his body, holding you tightly as if you could vanish at any moment.

 

 

And that's how, after almost parting ways, you ended up dating your long time bestfriend.

✿ᴄʜᴇʀʀʏʜᴀᴋ

[junhanism]

When you get sick - Enhypen

Pairing. Enhypen x reader

Genre. Fluff

Warnings. none (?), mention of food

Wc. 478

Note. Very short one i wrote in school im so sorry for this trashy post, i swear im gonna post something way better soon !! (Also not proofread)

ღ Heeseung

- the sweetest.

- with you 24/7 to make sure you're okay

- if he had any plans that day they're long forgotten, even goes as far as canceling them

- strokes your hair to try to get you to sleep

- kisses your forehead to check your temperature (idk my mom used to do this when i was younger)

- prioritize you over anything, I mean ANYTHING

- once you fell asleep he would quietly play video games while checking up on you from time to time

ღ Jay

- will DEFINITELY cook for you.

- will probably scold you for not being responsible enough or stuff like that (all because he's worried and loves you sm)

- will act mad at the beginning but gradually turn soft upon seeing your condition worsen

- most definitely force you to eat the soup he made for you if you don't want to

- literally drowns you in the blakets even if you're burning hot

ღ Jake

- ngl he would panic

- SO CUDDLY

- will hug you to keep you warm even after your countless warnings of him potentially getting sick too

- checks your temperature literally every five minutes

- WON'T leave your side for more than 3sec.

- force you to stay in bed

ღ Sunghoon

- i have a feeling he wouldn't want to approach you

- won't enter the room unless you REALLY need something

- "I love you but i don't wanna die yk"

- eventually gives up and kisses you goodnight before going to sleep ON THE COUCH

- come check on you in the night and slip in bed with you after feeling how cold you were

- cuddles you at night then complains the next morning about getting sick "because of you"

ღ Sunoo

- His presence is the remedy tbh

- enters the room with a concerning pout anddddd a bunch of your fav snacks

- stays with you but still takes precautions

- like he has hand sanitzer on him and he will not be ashamed of using it everytime he touches you

- still a sweetheart tho

- like he's so concerned about you

- "when will you get better ? I wanna go out on a date" (my heart ahh)

- cutie :(((

ღ Jungwon

- you call him with your raspy voice and he comes RIGHT AWAY

- like as soon as you hung up he's already at your door

- makes sure you take all of your medicine

- will feed you

- opens the windows because he thinks it's gonna get the sickness out... (let him believe it)

- try to distract you from the pain in all possible ways

- watch whatever movie you chose with you until you fall asleep

ღ Ni-ki

- let me just say this : BEST BOY.

- if you're hurting he's hurting too

- makes sure you eat well

- like he WILL NOT let you skip any meal and i mean it

- i have a feeling he would cuddle you while you both watch videos on his phone

- will kiss you in reward of taking the medics

[junhanism]

Rules n things to know

1. Do not steal or translate my works, i spent time on it.

2. Please be respectful towards both the writer and the readers ! Hate or negative comments about my works or toward any idols will be deleted. Only constructive criticism will be tolerated. If you don't like a certain theme or post, you can just scroll.

3. I will not write any suggestive fics about an underage member

4. I also will not write any yandere themed fics simply because i do not feel comfortable about this topic and i don't think domestic violence or such should be romanticized (no hate to yandere writers tho !! )

5. Most of my fics are gender neutral although sometimes i might only make a female reader so I apologize for this <3

6. Requests are open ! I can't promise I'll be able to write all of them (because of school and stuff) and if it'll meet your expectations but I'll try my best !