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[justicekiy]

Untitled. 06-17-2024

I stare into a blackened sea that resembles a darker void in the world. I couldn’t see nothing but movement in front of me. I listened as the raging seas crashed from one shore to another. It was seeking vengeance tonight.

For what ? I can’t say. But I do know the sea is unfortunately unforgiving. Just had I’ve been. Long ago.

“What are you doing out here alone?” His low voice crept into my ear as he approached from behind me. I didn’t turn around. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t bring my body to face him.

His lengthy arms wrapped around my torso with a heavy quilted blanket, covering us.

“I needed to stop my thoughts for awhile.”

His head dropped slightly down on my mine. He gets lost in the coiled curls from the misty sea. His nose inhales my scent and as he exhales, he says, “You’re the most beautiful when you don’t.”

I blinked and turned away from him. I walked a few feet closer to the water. I hugged my body. I needed to feel miserable as I did on the inside. I needed to not fight the pain anymore. My heart had too many knots, gripping the inside like its own prisoner. He didn’t move right away. He walked me through steady curiosity.

My body gave away and I felt his hand reach me before I completely folded. We both were sandy on the ground now and I was making it hard for any recovery to get up.

“What I mean is,” He tried to soothe me. “I don’t care if you need to cry. Just don’t run away from me when you do.”

My eyes burned so much with water that wanted to burst into the ocean. But the more he wrapped his body around me, the more I ended up breaking, awaiting the downpour of everything all at once. Then it started to rain.

“I-“ “We-“ “You-“

He shook his head against mine. “Don’t worry about that. Listen to me. Follow my voice back.”

I tried to. Every fiber of my being wanted to not feel everything all at once, but it was too overwhelming. I felt like I had been controlling the forecast all today.

“Hey,” He said. “What’s your favorite lullaby growing up? Mine was twinkle twinkle little star.” I nodded as if he would get that as mine too. But somehow he understood. “Okay. Then let’s sing it together.”

[justicekiy]

#photography #justicekiy #justoptics

And they call her

Rose. 🌹

To be continued …..

[justicekiy]

Bizarre Correspondence

Shit happens.

Sometimes you become attached to someone you shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s an opportunity to become overly obsessive with the insane thought that maybe maybe this was a connection for you all along.

But

You were wrong.

In fact

You couldn’t have been more wrong.

But in a way

There’s relief. Knowing that was never the case.

You know that saying

“Never meet your heroes.”

Well it’s more of a formality to keep the idea you had about them in your head. In your reality ….they are like this for a reason. They help you uncover shit. Dark shit. Heal from it. Find a lighter side. A brighter side to how shitty your road to life has really been.

He was that.

For me.

And maybe that’s all we will ever be. And I’m okay with knowing that, this is the way it has to be. If I have to have a fragment piece in my mind to go back to whenever I don’t feel fine. He’ll find me. In the quietest corner with the loudest tunes. His melodies will linger in the air along the softest blues. It’s up to him to paint a picture of scattered emotions leading everywhere and nowhere.

After all….

If he’s just a fantasy, then in my reality, this is the only way a bizarre correspondence can connect to me.

[justicekiy]

I Supernatural is dead, remember?

He lifts the lid on his mouth before saying, “You’re not normal.”

I balanced the knife between my fingers before inspecting traces of small blood. “Neither are you.”

“So, what is this huh?” He smirks as the vape hung above him like a halo ring. “A shakedown? Whole world condemnation?”

“Quite the opposite really,” I sliced his wrist with a small incision. He barely flinched. Just continued to puff as his head tilted down to the small wound. I wrapped the knife and put it back on the clasp on my belt. “Proof.”

Suddenly his whole body shakes as he grabs the railing from the balcony to hold himself in place. “You got me here only for proof? Yeah… that’s the reason.”

“It is.” I said. I took his resin pen and pushed it to my lips. I inhaled and exhaled out into the cold misty air. “Supernatural is dead, remember?”

“To you,” he challenged. “But you aren’t in your territory anymore.”

I shrugged as I lend against the baloney. He flexed his back and I saw him inching toward me slowly. My eyes veered up as he got closer. He flicks the resin pen and toss it over. My face moved to resentment.

“Two things,” he trails his fingers as a bridge to my chin. “Either you leave. Or you can have the same fate as that pen.”

My leg was faster and hovered near his neck. “Three things. You’ll have to kick my ass then.”

His smile turned cold. “Oh. I was hoping you would say that.”

[justicekiy]

“Just be fucking honest about how you feel about people while you’re alive.”

— John Mayer

[justicekiy]

“Some people are going to leave but that’s not the end of your story. That’s the end of their part in your story.”

— Unknown

[justicekiy]

"wine"

(January 9, 2023)

Distance has always been between us. I’ve said it before, You’ve said it before, We’ve said it before, And it’s more prevalent now.

“Our friendship aged like fine wine” you say. You say you love me, While you spend all your time talking to other boys, You apologize for your long response time, While I answer you in seconds. We discuss our love lives.

But nevermind all the toxicity and trauma you brought into my life, Nevermind how you left me crying for months trying to get over you while you didn’t apologize, Nevermind you longing for the same person after a breakup, Then using me as a rebound. Just nevermind all the pain you caused me, Because “our friendship aged like fine wine” Or did it?

[justicekiy]

What’s your name? (dialogue)

(The rest …. Is your imagination 💭)

“What can I help you with-“

“-is there a way for you to drive us here?”

“Wait. What happened? You’re-“

“- I know. The map! Can you get us-?”

“But the blood-“

“-Listen… listen. Please we don’t have much time. We can lose her any minute.”

“Right. Apologies. Hop in.”

“Do you know where to go?”

“I’m…. Familiar.”

“What?”

“I mean- it’s not hard to guess.”

“For fucks sake. Step on the gas.”

“I am! You don’t have to do this.”

“But I do.”

“But you don’t. She means nothing to you, right?”

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“I don’t care about her. I find this relationship ridiculously implausible.”

“Implausible? So much shit for such a little mouth.”

“Are you mental?”

“Are you going to stop the red sign from turning green?”

“You are never going to let that go. Are you?”

“Hell no! And you’re about to hit-“

“Fuck! That was close. Shut up. One driver only.”

“Fine. But you …. do care. Only reason you would be here. At all.”

“Get out my car.”

“Gladly. Don’t forget to send me the bill.”

“Oh trust me. It’ll be a big fat one too. I might purchase some rims.”

“Big talk for a little stepper. Wait- fuck-“

“What ?”

“What’s your name?”

[justicekiy]

I Run

That’s why I do it. I’m a runner who hasn’t slowed down. That’s the truth.

It’s never on the other person. So if someone I care about is reading this, please don’t take my silence for my defeat. There’s a lot of inner demons in conquering and it takes a moment to snap back into… well-

Reality.

But I started to like someone. And it scared me shitless. Then doubts formed like dark clouds and engulfed my entire existence.

But I can never run from my pen. 🖊️ my writing is the only truth seeker I let in. So I’m asking if you haven’t given up on me…

Don’t.

Part of me wants to trust in love again.

But when that day comes….

I’ll never know.

✌🏽

[justicekiy]

Would you look at me?

(Dialogue between two people. The rest of your imagination. 💭)

“Would you look at me?”

“I don’t need to”

“Put down the dish.”

“I doubt you want that.”

“You’re that pissed ? Really?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“For god sakes. I wasn’t expecting you to be there.”

“No….. you think!?”

“Stop. Stop. Your hands-“

“Get the fuck off me. I know how to clean dishes okay?”

“-Babe. Come on. I didn’t know.”

“Was it enjoyable?”

“What was enjoyable?”

“Did it make you feel big?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? you think I took joy in any of this? I didn’t. But what the fuck was I supposed to do?”

“Wait!”

“Wait for who?! You?! You weren’t even suppose to survive”

“Fuck you.”

“No.. wait. Stop. Come on stop. Why the fuck you do keep walking away from me? I said Stop!”

“Get your hands off me.”

“Okay… okay. Can we just …. Please I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just- you just … Fuck!”

“I thought we were a team.”

“We are. Baby… I swear we are.”

“Then why ? Why were you there?”

“For you. I was there for you.”

“What in the actual-“

“They wanted you. I said no. I’ll go.”

“Why would you do that?”

“You know exactly why.”

“No I don’t.”

“So you don’t know…. How much I think about you?

“No- stop. We said-“

“-How much I crave you?”

“-No. I’m not- I can’t hear this”

“-How many times I fucking need to say you’re mine?”

“We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Literally life and death hangs between us.”

“And? Part of the thrill right?”

“You aren’t thinking clearly.”

“Stop. Don’t think for me. I’m the clearest I’ve ever been.”

“We-“

“We can. And we will. Now, come here. I’ll prove it.”

[justicekiy]

Then Call Me The Joker 🃏

I sat alone in the dark, blazing my sorrows. Was this the fourth joint? Or maybe the fifth ? I should slow down. I felt cautious enough to go out my room and get some water in the dark. I wore only a big T labeled “I can’t Breathe” and white satin panties. I walked freely through the room because it was summer. That meant my roommate left for home. School was over.

When I stumbled past the living room, I almost jumped outta my skin. I saw him sitting near my small dining room table. He was dressed in all black with low 1s. His tattoos were scattered like monumental pieces from like neck and the way down to his exposed arms. He looked leaner… cleaner since the last time we saw each other. His scars healed over and his amber eyes were in full view of me.

He was perfectly still. Quiet. Like he was studying me. He held something in his hand. I couldn’t see it clearly through the rapid heart beating in my chest.

“What-How are you here?”

He still eyes me slowly. Starting to feel a little more exposed than I like, I tried to go back and find my pants. As soon as I opened the room door, he placed his hand on top of mine to pull it shut. I turn around slowly. He brings his lengthy arm from behind me and creates a bridge for our faces to meet. His fingers tapping against the cheap wooden door was too loud for me to relax.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been looking for you.” When he finally answered, a grin creeped up slightly.

“I wasn’t hiding,” I fired back. “I just wanted to be left alone.”

He looks slightly left and see how small my apartment really is. “Clearly.”

“Are you going to stand here forever or let me go?”

His laughs vibrates the door we both are leaning on. “Careful. That mouth of yours got you into some serious trouble before…” His orange burnt eyes had sunken into my view before he asked, “Hadn’t it?”

I move away from him completely and make my way into the kitchen. I wasn’t trying to rehash the past. And as far as I knew, he was my entire past. I look for that bottle of Pinot Noir I stashed before. Fuck the water now. I ignored his obvious stares as my ass bend down to snag it on the bottom shelf.

“Giving me a show already?” I heard him say.

I rolled my eyes as I watched him lick his lips while propping his head on the counter. His eyes were dead locked on my breasts now. I poured my glass and raised it up. “You can go to hell.”

“Shit ma, you already know that. Problem is… do I bring you with me?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Then stop dodging. Why the hell are you in my house?”

“Why else?” He throws a set of keys my way. “To get you out of it. We got work to do.”

I didn’t skip a beat and waved one hand in his face. “No. I’m not going there. Or anywhere else with you. Ever again.”

“That’s too bad,” he comes around the counter and stands behind me. His breathing lifts hairs off my ears. Then he whispers, lips barely pressed to them. “Should I let your sister know you ended her life then?”

I blinked and almost choked on my drink. “You’re such an ass. I told you, it was one job and I was done. I was done when she was bleeding in my arms. I was done when I had to make the call. This is shit I gotta live with. But I’ll be a fool to ever get back in business with you.. ever again.”

“Then call me the joker and quit complaining. There’s loose ends. And I need them handled yesterday. So you’re doing this….” His hand grabbed my waist and trailed my thigh. He keeps caressing my leg up and down, making an electrifying pattern in his path. When he gets to my ass, he squeezed it with two hands. I tried to cover up the gasp but it was no use. I know he heard it. “Whether I gotta make you scream yes is on you.”

[justicekiy]

Take My Hand (dialogue)

(This is a conversation between two people. The rest is your imagination 💭)

“Take my hand.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Must you know everything?”

“Do I really have to answer that? You know the answer.”

“Well, let’s be adventurous today”

“Only because you say so.”

“Wow. Is that all it took?”

“Don’t let me trip on anything.”

“You won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m the one guiding you.”

“Okay…”

“You’ll love it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. We’re here.”

“Here as in…..?”

“Open the door.”

“Nothing better jump out, I swear.”

“I promise you.”

“Omg…. why are we-? Why are we in a concert stadium ?”

“Because I’m playing at it Saturday night. And I want you to be here when I do.”

“But I thought you didn’t need me this time.”

“I lied. Fact is I really do.”

“I don’t know… might have to convince me.”

“Are backstage passes convincing?”

“Umm… a little better than that.”

“A limo ride there?”

“You know me better than that.”

“No…. Not that.”

“Oh no. You’re doing it.”

“Come on. Here ? In the open?”

“Only way to get me to consider.”

“That’s cold….”

“You doing it or what?”

“Fine. Damn…. You were right about it.”

“Specifically about what?”

“You were right about me falling in love with you. And-“

“And?”

“About the other thing too…”

“Pertaining?”

“You really gonna make me suffer all the way?”

“As much as that intrigues me, fine. I’ll pull back. On one condition.”

“What-?”

“Shut up and kiss me already.”

[justicekiy]

Writing is the biggest form of weaponry. ✍🏽🖊️ My mind will never be changed again.

[justicekiy]

I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me, the world is too big and I have too much to offer.

[justicekiy]

"Self-Conscious"

(November 28, 2021)

Writing’s an escape for me, yes: I’ve had quite the talent for writing throughout my years. But how, oh so how—out of everything in the world, out of everything I can do and can’t do—oh, how did you make me so self-conscious of the very thing that was my escape?

Oh, just looking at all of this wonderful, spectacular writing shakes me to my very core. And no matter how much adoration I have built up for it—no matter how much of the respect I have gained—will ever not make me envious of those who can whip up such raw emotion—such breathtaking emotion—and turn it into something great, something so mind-blowing, something very unforeseen.

Call me crazy, will you, call me a monster, call me bad and selfish and everything in between, but you can’t rid the fact that writing is the one thing I have built myself on—the one thing that has helped me convey and receive emotion, the one thing that has helped me out in greater times, and the one thing that defines me. Looking at everyone else, they bring such beautiful power to their words, and yet it’s hard for me to even convey such power through my own words. What is it that others are doing that I am not? What are others doing to turn the attention to them, and pull at the heartstrings of many? When yet these people have their own issues—their own problems and insecurities—and still manage to give such powerful meaning to a few mere words.

Perhaps writing is their own escape also—perhaps it isn’t, and they have already beaten me at my own game. Not even my game, more so someone else’s game, but still the same regardless. For I am happy those can express such feelings through words, and I also worry that my writing—my dear, dear writing—isn’t having those same effects. How can those—oh, those I so adore and admire—make me so self-conscious about the very technique I have built myself upon?

[justicekiy]

[justicekiy]

PARAMORE IS A BAND! paramore on instagram