justlabrinthtings

[justlabrinthtings]

Camp enough to play Freddie mercury, and the singing, is a 50/50 shot, his voice was spliced with others during his performance in bohemian rhapsody

I think Daniel Radcliffe would make a great Jareth the Goblin King for the Robert Eggers Labyrinth continuation:

He's british

He has the range in acting and singing

Has a good stage presence

Can slide into that vaguely androgynous scary hot category

Open your THIRD EYES PEOPLE

[justlabrinthtings]

Rami Malek

Same points as Daniel Radcliffe, but way more sex appeal

I think Daniel Radcliffe would make a great Jareth the Goblin King for the Robert Eggers Labyrinth continuation:

He's british

He has the range in acting and singing

Has a good stage presence

Can slide into that vaguely androgynous scary hot category

Open your THIRD EYES PEOPLE

[justlabrinthtings]

THE FUCKING BLUE DOOR WAS TELLING THE TRUTH

Blue explained the rules and red only expressed that he was the honest one - which would be the first lie of the conversation

[justlabrinthtings]

Here's a study I did from the movie labyrinth

[justlabrinthtings]

Okay, I haven't seen anything discussing this and it really comes to mind when watching the scene with the junk woman when she's piling Sarahs possessions on her back

What of the creatures of the labyrinth are previous people who've attempted to best Jareth?

It's established that the labyrinth changes people into something else (specifically goblins, but maybe not always)

Why and where they failed affects what they become and after so long, they can't remember who they used to be

Ex: Hoggle was too afraid to even enter the labyrinth after being bit by a fairy and stayed outside

Each and every one of the fierys got distracted whilst having fun, the first one doing god knows what and going on to distract the rest and getting them to remove their heads

Ludo got lost and captured

The masquerade guests got trapped in the dream

The wise man took a nap and slept too long

So on and so forth

Some beings are more intent on having others repeat their mistakes than others, of course. But others are fully ready to help

Didymus and Ambrocious were dogs that got wished away though

[justlabrinthtings]

-Goblins are used to fill diversity quotas

-Jareth has been stripped down to "magic" and "asshole"

-glitter? Never heard of her?

-some really cheesy star gazing scene with a love interest

-disrespectful replacements of Sarah's friends from the labyrinth

-body shaming disguised as jokes coming from/ at the goblins

-everyone is in a musical now instead of all the songs Jareth screen time centric

-Jareth abandons the goblin kingdom to stay with his new girlfriend

-ending is a bad set up for a sequel

If there is gonna be a Labyrinth sequel, here’s what it will likely have:

- CGI goblins/ creatures

- Disrespectful CGI David Bowie as Jareth

- The plot is that the Underground gets stuck Aboveground

- Severe canon divergence due to a lack of intelligence in Hollywood

- Goblin fortnite dancing

- Jareth trying to learn the “new lingo” of today saying stupid shit like “this is lit”

- The inevitable selfie joke idk

- I can just see Jareth walking down a busy street and some teenagers walk up to him because he looks ✨different✨ and they ask for a selfie because the media thinks that’s what teens do

- Half-assed Bowie tributes

- Jareth thirst in the worst ways possible

- Goblin dabbing

- did I mention it will be out of touch with our generation?

- Sarah will likely make no appearance or she’ll be stripped of what makes her character so important and special

- Toby who??

- Technology fumblings you get when a non-earthly creature ends up in the modern timez™️

- “wHaT iS An iPhOne”, “Alexa, play Magic Dance”

- Social media plug (probably for insta or TikTok idk which is worse)

- Modernizing Jareth makeover

- Gratuitous forced romance scenes between Jareth and the female lead because progress and representation is the last thing on a sequel’s mind unfortunately

- Myriad fart jokes (also inevitable)

- Forget themes of growing up or appreciating your childhood and instead take the cliche “different and not fitting in” narrative because we don’t have enough of those stories

Feel free to add more

[justlabrinthtings]

So! For the shitty mobile dating Sim adaption- they CLEARLY need to be 70% leg. The love interests include (but are not limited to)

Mcs childhood friend who got dragged into this by helping them babysit the younger sibling (may or may not also be responsible for the banishing) I will be calling him Steve for simplicity's sake

Hoggle, who is now a traditionally attractive dude. He's still 70% leg. But he's shorter than everyone else via being scaled down in the same way you make pictures smaller on power point with the corner slider thing

The worm, who is now an adorable British dude. He's gets the shortest legs for the sake of not looking exactly like hoggle but still being small, I'm gonna call him Kevin for simplicity

All those living door guys? LIs that show up for exactly 5 lines each and the way you answer them affects your whole game

Ludo? Tall man, considered attractive in the same way the live action beast from beauty and the beast is. Best boy, still calls the rocks. Steve has a one sided rivalry with him and Ludo just, doesn't notice

The Fierys are all options and are all identical with variations in hair, but what you say upon meeting them affects which one (if any) come with you

Sir didymus is simply a handsome guy with dog ears tryna be a noble sir who gets the girl

The junk lady is a female love interest and is (obviously) replaced with an annoyingly cute girl who has a knack for picking items up

Jareth (the goblin king) is the same but like, he HATES everyone mc talks to along the way and REALLY pushes the idea of a romance at her

Probably there's some self-insert secretive twin of the goblin king who's like, a solid heartthrob and I haven't decided if they're a girl or a guy yet. Maybe they're nonbinary! Imma call them Alex BC simpleness

So, when's the bad mobile dating sim adaption of the labyrinth coming out?

Like, they make everyone a hot anime dudes with hella legs and clothes that don't commit to the modern aesthetic OR the fantasy one shown

I have some an unnatural amount of thoughts about this considering I've had this idea for about 4 minutes

[justlabrinthtings]

If the labyrinth ever gets remade with CGI, Hugh Jackman BETTER be the goblin king. Literally the only person who could even think to fit in Bowies shoes

[justlabrinthtings]

Somebody has to say it- Labyrinth would've gotten FAR more attention if Ludo, Hoggle, or sir diddimus was a hot dude and there was a terrible love triangle that wasn't really a love triangle

And I am GLAD that isn't what happened

[justlabrinthtings]

So, when's the bad mobile dating sim adaption of the labyrinth coming out?

Like, they make everyone a hot anime dudes with hella legs and clothes that don't commit to the modern aesthetic OR the fantasy one shown

I have some an unnatural amount of thoughts about this considering I've had this idea for about 4 minutes