kadecre - Tumblr blog

[kadecre]

“I’m sorry you were not truly loved and that it made you cruel.”

— Warsan Shire

[kadecre]

Please let me add 23,377 words to my wip. It needs it. I need it.

i keep telling myself i can’t handle longer projects but in the last four days i wrote 23,377 words just totally by the seat of my pants

[kadecre]

This still pisses me off, 5 months later. I haven’t been back to that bar since.

So this was going to be a AN for a new fic I’m working on (it’s a villain AU) but I know myself. I’m not gonna finish it in time for it to be relevant so…I’m posting it here.

For context, last night (Oct. 29th 2022) was my bar’s Halloween Bash. I had to work at a separate bar (I have a work bar and a play bar, the bash was at the play bar) so I got off in time to enjoy the festivities despite having to open this morning.

There was a fight. Over me. (Fun, I love being the centre of attention…not.)

I know it’s not my fault. I was defending a friend from an asshole who took it too far and probably doesn’t remember what happened. He grabbed me and pushed me back into a wall in front if hundreds of people and my guy best friend got between us. It caused a scene (obviously) all because I’m a “girl” in a “boy’s world” (fuck you too asshole)

This is the response I wish I could say, but for reasons, can’t.

(Ahem)

AN: Free piece of life advice y’all. Don’t ever fuck with a first responder. Especially when said first responder has two of their guys with her. It will not end well.

You want to tear me down? Degrade me for being a “girl” in a “boy’s club”? Sweetheart, if you wanted to play this game with me, all you had to do was ask.

You want to make me question my decisions that have nothing to do with you? Prey upon my insecurities? All while my guys (and your boss) watch, Ready to Assist at the first sign of distress? By all means baby boy, try.

You (physically) push me back into a wall for defending my best friend and my cousin, because what? You weren’t getting your way? You were getting high off the physical power imbalance between you and me? Or was it to get my reaction? See how far I’d let you push me into submission until I snap.

Well, allow me to burst your fuckin’ bubble.

You mess with one, you mess with all. In a bar full of people, you ganged up on me; a woman (that’s right a woman, not a girl) who has more fucking honour and self worth than you’ll ever possess, and a fucking department full of insane pyromaniacs, veterans, war lords, and mechanics who will drop everything to help someone in need.

We put our lives on the line for our community. We put ourselves out there because no one else will. You are a stepping stone in the path to my success and I will not tolerate drunken inferiority complexes with mommy issues trying to tell me what to do.

You [Redacted], are a walking second rate excuse of a man, act like it.

Whooo…can you tell I’m angry about this? Because I am. This happened twelve hours ago, and most of us have moved past it (or don’t remember it) but…it reminded me of why I do what I do. That my guys will always have my back, and that people trying to tear me down only want a reaction.

Choose your battles wisely kiddies. Some of them aren’t worth the fight.

[kadecre]

Headcanon that Hawks mirrors and copies people like a parrot

[kadecre]

"When she looks at me, its like she's seeing all the good things about me, none of the bad."

rick riordan (the lightning thief, 2005)

[kadecre]

Guide to Writing Hawks

Be physically expressive! Hawks is extremely gesticulate; this is one of the first things we learn about him. He uses his hands to talk just as much as words, that zipper movement from him to Endeavor, to the way he shrugs and waves his hands around when talking to Endeavor and Tokoyami. Some of his gestures are also downright unusual and add to general sense of offbeat charm - he shouldn’t be rigid or stiff when talking, generally, especially with an ally. He’s a dynamic, expressive character - don’t let a simple ‘said’ suffice for a sentence he probably emphasizes with body languages.

His pupils change size. Something interesting for other characters to note is Hawks’s eyes and their tendency to change size. The factors seem to be emotional and while there isn’t a very solid explanation as to it (besides basic biology), this is noticeable in some panels and anyone talking to Hawks might even note it.

Hawks has a very offbeat sense of humor and there’s a pattern of people wondering if he’s genuine or mocking them. Hawks has left a few characters rather taken back with the things he’s said, even admitting he doesn’t “like holding back”. This lack of seeming care for a seriousness of a moment or topic(or maybe he does care a lot) both surprises people and somewhat offends them because it comes off as him mocking them (and he may very well be). Basically Hawks, with most people, keeps everyone on their toes by saying things that others might not want to say or find impolite or improbable. He’s not the type to generally hold back; and that makes him a mixed bag to interact with, especially if your character is straight-laced.

He can and does get thrown off his groove! Hawks isn’t just aloofly carefree; things do bother and get to him. He’s more likely to show this sort of thing in private, alone. But once he’s thrown off, his usual aloofness fades and he shows more negative emotions, which usually doesn’t happen. He’s more likely to make ‘fiercer’ faces, more likely to be less gesticulate, and stiff. 

Hawks has a bit of an independent thing. While Hawks seems to make great support in battles, it seems his natural inclination is actually to be a lone act. He went to take care of the small noumu mostly by himself in the High End fight, and he clearly doesn’t wait for his sidekicks or intern to dispatch villains with him. He’s on his own time, and so something to keep in mind is that he’s more likely to be an independent in a plan.

Hawks has a dialect and you shouldn’t be afraid to localize it - as long as it’s used sparingly! Hawks generally speaks standard Japanese, but he’s used his local dialect twice in the manga, one when seemingly taken aback and amused by Endeavor, and once in a more contemplative moment to himself. The dialect is called Hakata-ben and generally, when shows up in manga or anime, American localization choose to portray it as something a bit ‘country’. This is a little difficult given the most common dialect in Animanga is Osaka-ben and either localized as Southern(Texan) or Brooklynese. When Hakata-ben shows up, the American translators might go for something a bit more Appalachian and rural, even though Hakata/Fukuoka is definitely a city. Keep in mind to a Japanese ear (and other characters) who hear this would definitely associate a more rough/working-class background with this sort of dialect. Whatever you might choose when writing, just remember this is generally something he uses sparingly compared to other characters with a dialect, but also that as a child he would most likely spoken primarily in the dialect. 

Hawks is incredibly observant and thoughtful - and so much of this is through his senses, even if he’s also seemingly intuitive. But this is never apparent right off the bat. Remember that Hawks has been shown to have very good eyesight and hearing, and that one of the major functions of his quirk is feeling/hearing vibrations through feathers. He has an excellent scope of his environment most times. He’s basically an information sponge, and is shown to hunt for more info using lots of different ways (also a sign he’s incredibly resourceful). But all of this is something that people never seem to expect from him until they’ve seen all of it in action - and even then he does so much with ease that it’s hard to tell how much work he puts into his actions.

Hawks is….quirky. And not in the quirk way! He hides his mouth when embarrassed or called out; doesn’t really care for social norms, and also likes to banter during fights. He happily admits to being a bird! He’s an oddball! Don’t be afraid to write him as one!

He really loves food. He kept talking about it on his meeting with Endeavor, asked to finish his food, mentioned cooking techniques in his banter. No wonder his favorite thing is chicken. EDIT AS OF 9/11: Hawks has a confirmed sweet tooth! In fact he finds the brewed coffee like mud has a preference for cheaper and sweeter canned coffees, even mentioning he just wants something sweet!

Most of all, Hawks is written as a character who thinks deeply about himself and the society he’s rose to the top of, and his place in it. He does care about other people - his first question is about casualties from his infiltration mission, he also doesn’t see an issue with lending a hand. He even treats his hardworking intern to a night flight! This isn’t done without second thoughts; he clearly expresses dissatisfaction with his life as it is, which is why he wants to change the society that makes it so. He yearns for a world where heroes have more free time. Any writer can take that in so many directions; but there should be an acknowledgment of some sort of dissatisfied yearning when you write Hawks. Whether you choose to delve into his circumstances and portray it as a tragedy or not, he’s a complicated character with an ambiguous and self-aware air about him. Treat him as such.

[kadecre]

Is it weird that I'd like to see Hawks be slightly more mean or rude in fics?

The most people do is make him be a bit playful and sarcastic, but i wish we could see more of him having the personality of someone working in retail 8 hours a day for barely minimum wage

The embodiment of the 🙃 emoji

"Yes i definitely enjoy being here having this conversation with you 🙃 this is not a waste of my time 🙃"

It's not! I want him to be ruder and meaner too because he was like that in his introduction and clearly he doesn't actually have very charitable thoughts inside his mind either, see how he thinks about Endeavor. He can get mean. He's also a clear button pusher, this is one of his first established traits, I don't get why fanfics often make him so sweet. Look how he treated Fumi. Dude's a dick. I think his rudeness and sarcasm is just well masked by that playfulness I guess, and they make it enjoyable. I mean look at the whole scene with Slide N' Go. I'm sure inwardly he was just can this dude hop off my dick, but he played along, mockingly and then absolutely smirked when Skeptic barged in to simp/tear Slide a new one.

[kadecre]

I'll never shut up about this.

[kadecre]

Had a revelation recently and thought it might help other people too.

There is absolutely NO shame in having a ton of projects on the go and switching between or even dropping them on a whim.

Hobbies are meant to be FUN.

You can have 20 writing projects, or knitting, or whatever your thing is, and putting them down for a bit or abandoning them is a-okay.

I personally would never think that someone who started playing a video game and then decided to play another before it was finished was a quitter, so why am I so judgemental towards myself?

Doing your hobbies in a way that brings you joy isn't selfish or weak, it's...literally the whole point of them. Go nuts!

[kadecre]

I hate the way the Greek campers were viewed in hoo like these literal kids who made up a grand total of 40 (maybe 100 max with hunters + party ponies + satyrs) defeated an army that consisted of hundreds possibly thousands of monsters on their own including a couple of rouge titans and Kronos who was their leader. And won. Don’t get me wrong the Romans destroyed the Palace and all which was probably filled with their remaining resources but there were hundreds of them including adults who had retired after a decade of experience. And the army they fought was probably smaller cause everyone was off at New York in the main fight so give the Greek campers their due respect cause not only did they win, they pulled off the impossible

[kadecre]

23. Tokoyami is his buddy! Even after internships are over, Hawks kept in touch with Fumikage and Miyabi (Dark Shadow, yes I gave her name, shhh) and even invited them back for work studies. They balance each other out well, and often hang out after school or patrol. The three of them go on their own little adventures and just spend time together, not worrying about school or paperwork or villains or the commission. Just three birds chillin’.

24. Keigo is left handed.

25. * His partner calls him magpie, due to his love of shiny things, such as bottle caps, and his inherit need to collect said shiny things, like staples.

26. * In return, Keigo calls his partner firefly, or nova, due to their mutual love of the stars. 

27. Keigo is really good at math. He enjoys complex problems, but ask him to solve a simple equation and he’ll stare dumbly for a minute before answering.

28. He is a reader. On top of his special interest books, he also loves reading mystery novels, gothic, horror, and romance. He stays away from dystopian/sci-fi, mostly because he lives in a world of impossible, but if the premise is interesting he’ll give it a shot.

Universal Hawks Headcanons by Matter of Importance

(That Will Span All of My Fics)

The man can cook.

He uses y’all. (This is canon)

He has ADHD and is autistic. (Covering his mouth with the collars of his jackets and the little foot rub he does (like that one time he was perched on a power line) are all tics.)

Unless otherwise specified, Keigo Takami is trans and uses he/him pronouns. *

Keigo is panromantic asexual.

He has freckles.

Adding on to 3) he has sensory issues. If a fabric is off in any way, he will hiss and claw at it until the offending fabric is either off his body, or torn to shreds. Which ever comes first.

Chicken nuggets are his safe food. He only says he likes fried chicken so he can seem more adult, but if given the option between fried chicken and dino nuggets, it’ll be the nuggies every time. No hesitation.

Keigo can't taste spice, like at all. He can taste other strong flavours, but birds don't have the sensory buds to taste spice, and since he has an avian mutation, this applies to him as well. He lies about having a high tolerance but in actuality, he just can’t taste it.

On the flip side, he is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. Keigo doesn’t like the taste of alcohol to begin with, and he doesn’t like not being in control of his actions. So unless he is in a social setting where drinking is required, like say a gala, he avoids alcohol. However, the few times he does partake in drinking, it’s never more than two, and it’s only enough to get Keigo to relax. Once his senses dull a bit, he switches to juice or water. Outside of cooking wine, alcohol will not be found within the Takami household. You want a drink that’ll take the edge off, you grab chocolate milk.

Keigo has a collection of shiny rocks and cool trinkets. He has a full library of books about geology and different crystals and minerals.

He loves astronomy. During nighttime patrols, Keigo will fly high above the light pollution and cloud bank, so he can have an unlimited view of the stars.

Keigo’s hair is much wavier and a bit longer than canon. He ties it up a lot when at home or in the office. He sometimes throws on a headband to push his hair back or just uses his visor.

He has a crooked smile (caused by a dislocated jaw that didn’t heal properly when he was a child) but it just adds to his “boyish charm” (the media’s words, not his).

He has talons on his hands and feet, as well as fangs perfect for tearing through flesh, (his quirk is that of a raptor, are we honestly surprised?)

Keigo suffers from sensory overloads and gets headaches/overwhelmed easily, so he carries noise canceling headphones with him at all times.

When he is home or in the office, Keigo wears a special pair of glasses that block his enhanced eyesight. It lessons the strain on his eyes and dials it back to a normal human level.

Despite being lean, Keigo is heavy. His bones are hollow, to allow for flight, and with his wings (5.5 meters (18 ft) wingspan people, those pretty wings aren't light) and the way his diaphragm is set up (large lung capacity for high altitudes as well as bone structure) Keigo weighs close to 104.3 k (230lbs).

His wings are really expressive. Keigo’s face won’t give him away, but his wings will.

When he doesn't want to be recognized, Keigo will shed his wings, often keeping them small enough to hide under his clothing. However that doesn’t mean he’s unarmed. If there’s one thing he retained from his time with the commission, it’s to never be unarmed. If you see Keigo without his wings, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feathers on him.

He’s a plant dad! He was scared at first to keep something alive in his apartment, but he went out one day, agonised for an hour about buying a plant, and then ended up getting talked into buying a few by the cute person who helped him calm down in the plant nursery.

Keigo’s love language is food. The man’s practically a Michelin star chef, of course he shows his love via food.

* There is one fic, as of 21/12/2022 where Keigo is cisgender, however, it is not published at this time.

[kadecre]

Is it weird that I miss solving math problems? Like geometry and algebra and stat? I miss solving those. I had fun working on math homework it was just testing I sucked at.

[kadecre]

Two of my favourite creators collabing on one work? *swoon*

Finally got to post my piece for the @bnhadabibigbang, where I got to collab with the fabulous @fluffyblaire to create an actor AU! In which Touya and Keigo take “rivals to lovers” to a whole new level 😂😂

Link to fic here 🍿

Link to Blaire’s art below 🤩

[kadecre]

The hardest thing I as a person will ever do is say no.

It doesn’t matter if I’m asked to pick up an extra shift or rewrite a fic for person. I will say yes. And that’s the problem. I don’t know my own boundaries. I’m a people pleaser.

I write for my own self. I enjoy writing, I enjoy sharing the silly little stories and ideas and aus I have, but I’ve learned that taking on a project you do not have the motivation for, will end up benefiting no one. Not yourself, not your audience, and definitely not the person who asked.

Saying no, is hard, but necessary.

[kadecre]

Am I even good enough?

It doesn’t feel like it.

I feel like I’m the placeholder in everyone’s lives. That everyone is waiting for that person who complete them, in any and every way. That’s not me.

It feels like my friends have better friends, and I’m just the after thought. It hurts honestly, knowing that I am the one who gets thought of last. The one who gets blamed for any wrongdoing happening within someone else’s life.

Even the hobbies I enjoy, like writing, it always feels like I’m not good enough. I sat looking at my published fics and my WIPs and I wanted to delete all of them. Who’s gonna read them?

I just…am I tired of this feeling. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’ve over come a lot this past year, with both my relationship with myself and other people. But anytime I mention that I feel like I’m backsliding or I want to talk to someone about something, everyone shuts me out. I feel so fucking alone in the world.

[kadecre]

He’d be the first to admit that being a florist wasn’t as lucrative as being in the medical field or being a lawyer, and with their home being only blocks away from the red light district, Hisashi knew that he needed to find a way to protect his business and Izumi.

When he was younger, a few years before he had met Inko, Hisashi was struggling to keep the shop open and in a desperate attempt to get the money needed, he resorted to a not-so-legal side business.

Hisashi had a background in intelligence, specifically in analysis. (Obviously, neither of those are needed to run a flower shop, but career changes do happen.) He had put out a notice on one of the underground forums that he was willing to gather information, for a price, (and distribute it, for a price.)

Hisashi knew that he was painting a target on his back by offering his services, but if there was one thing that he knew about the Underworld, it was that they protected their people, especially their intelligence agents.

So if that meant that he had some sleepless nights scrolling the dark web and looking into patterns and decrypting coded messages, then so be it. Within a few months, Midas had become one of the go-to information brokers, with contacts in nearly every organized crime syndicate. The money was good, and Hisashi could set his own schedule, so it wasn’t like he never got to spend time with his friends and family.

Quite the opposite actually.

Hisashi as Midas only took a few cases a month, most being in the low-level circles, so he’d spend a few days researching and analyzing, send in what he could find, and then the money would hit his private account a few hours later.

With set prices and clearly drawn boundaries, Hisashi was able to keep his side job separate from the rest of his life.

He got out of it a couple of years after marrying Inko, only taking a few cases a year, just to keep up appearances within the underground. (No one liked it when agents went off the grid, he learned that early on in his career when he went on vacation one time and came back with his inbox flooded with messages.)

Back when he was still active in the underworld, Hisashi was hired on an as-needed basis, but lately, he’s been receiving numerous invites for jobs.

Not that that was a bad thing, it meant more money for him and Izumi, but it also meant that he was straying further and further from the “right side” of the law. He didn’t want to leave his daughter behind because his other job caught up with him.

Hisashi could count on one hand the number of people in the Underworld who knew that Izumi existed, and he’d like to keep it that way. The less they knew his daughter the better.

Midas was an enigma, someone who knew the ins and out of the criminal circuits and someone you went to when you wanted information. There are rules in place, and lines you don’t cross. Digging into his life outside of the Underworld was the very first one.

* * *

When Hisashi woke up that morning, the last thing he expected was to receive an order for a bouquet of white daisies, white and red rosebuds, snapdragons, and blue violets.

If one wasn’t familiar with the language of flowers, then most would assume that the order was just your average everyday bouquet. Hisashi however, and most of the underworld, knew the significance of flowers, and could see the threat for what it truly was.

Innocence, purity, girlhood, deception and watchfulness.

You’re being watched, deceive me and your daughter will no longer be innocent of the horrors of the world.

Hisashi wasn’t sure who had sent the order request, but this was not the time to panic.

[kadecre]

not writing, not not writing, but a secret third thing