kaey-q

[kaey-q]

i want to study calligraphy so i can annotate my books in a really pretty handwriting... so it is a competition of aesthetics and essence between the book and i

[kaey-q]

oh my goodness ❤

The Foxhole Court Chapter 1 Webcomic Continued

Previous << Part 2 >> Next

Do Not Repost/Translate Without Permission

[kaey-q]

either i don't understand the concept of a weighted blanket or something something... like i can't imagine the idea and feeling of having something weighing down on me for comfort or warmth. i absolutely dislike having heavy blankets. it makes me feel like i am being held down. like a twisted sensual version of sleep paralysis. there's a time i visited home and my bed was made and the blankets were tucked in on one side and i was fighting half the night before i realized why it felt so heavy and difficult to move or turn. and you're telling me people seek this out intentionally?

[kaey-q]

Nobody talks about how it's actually really hard to do it scared and bored

[kaey-q]

Art by Denis Istomin

[kaey-q]

having online friends means almost everything to me. like you thought of me? you thought of me while you're going on with your day oceans away?! you thought of what to tell me about your day, your hopes, your joy, your sorrows?! you share pics of your daily life with me?! like... i just... i mean... how about i lie down and curl into a ball and cry for a while...

[kaey-q]

Kaveh Akbar, “Rimrock” in Calling a Wolf a Wolf

[kaey-q]

idk if it's the daily heavy rainfall. some of the branches of the rose bush here are black, rotting, wet, dripping with rainwater. and all i can think of is those last chapters of the raven king, when the unmaker is unmaking cabeswater.

sometimes the roses are a startling shade of red - dark like blood. and when the cold sunset light hits them, after the rain, the drops do look like blood dripping. it is unsettling and haunting and beautiful at the same time. reminds me of cabeswater sometimes.

[kaey-q]

[kaey-q]

[kaey-q]

how i sleep at night knowing i’ll never go cave diving

[kaey-q]

i have been seeing a lot of posts talking about how Andrew Minyard wants things even though he says he doesn't. and those posts are amazing. in a way they answer a lot of the questions i have been thinking about him and why he bothers with things like therapy with bee or even giving Neil a chance as he says maybe he's not as smart as he thought he was.

knowing Andrew wants things breaks my heart. it makes me realize how similar we are. i am not as apathetic as him obviously but i am apathetic. but the apathy doesn't last as long as i want it to. and below below below the apathy is a bottomless ocean of longing and desire and i am drowning in it. and apathy is a way to survive the drowning. it's a way to breathe. a way to live. so when i see Andrew wanting things i feel like breaking something because him being totally apathetic, like totally, was a version i idealized, a version i wanted to be, a version i modelled, twisted as that is. knowing he wants stuff too just like me even with all the indifference and apathy is... heartbreaking. like i can't explain. like oh how similar this fucking grief. who will i look up to to remember to hold onto the apathy. but also oh we're both human after all, human and soft at the end of the day.

so now what. i want things too. now what. do you know how fucking scary that is.

[kaey-q]

"grief astronomer. tell us what you see."

i see everything

[kaey-q]

agonizing over all the time you wasted or lost is useless. it’s gone now. you survived in the only way you knew how. doesn’t your survival deserve some recognition too?

[kaey-q]

reading the raven cycle was an entire spiritual experience for me

it really was.

- The night horror hissed a scream.

“It’s only you,” whispered Orphan Girl. She was holding his hand, crouched down next to him. “Why do you hate you?”

Ronan thought about it.

The albino night horror swept in, talons opening.

Ronan stood up, stretching out his arm like he would to Chainsaw.

“I don’t,” he said.

And he woke up. - (The Dream Thieves!)

[kaey-q]

[kaey-q]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔪𝔢𝔩𝔩 𝔬𝔣 𝔰𝔲𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔬𝔫 𝔰𝔨𝔦𝔫